It’s that time of year where I share with my loyal readers a hidden treasure! For years, we were kept in the dark of parallel dimension! A better world! A world where Mr. Potter prevailed against evil forces that sought to undermine good itself! After Good prevailed, David Brinkley interviewed the Great Mr. Potter!!
The following is a re-broadcast of the 1955 interview with David Brinkley and Mayor Potter of the eponymous Pottersville.
David Brinkley: Ladies and Gentlemen this is a portrait of a town that came back. The best example of which is the bustling Boffo town of Pottersville. I am interviewing the man who brought this town back after a factory closing and 1920s financial collapse: Mr… I mean Mayor Potter.
Mayor Potter: Thank you, David.
David Brinkley: Mr. Mayor, your town is synonymous with nightlife and culture. Now, it is hosting it’s fourth International Film Festival. It seems to stand out among so many New York factory towns. What happened?
Mayor Potter: HRHHPFM! It was a near run thing.
David: How so?
Mayor Potter: We had this flirtation with communism in the 19 teens and 20s.
Mayor Potter: It’s true. We had this bolshevik style building and loan.
David: A building and what?
Mayor Potter: It was a bank … of sorts. This guy “Pa” Bailey *Uses air quotes with an eye-roll* would talk rubes into giving him money to build people homes who lacked the money to pay their mortgages.
David: Come again?
Mayor Potter: Get this, when you wanted to make a withdrawal you’d either have to wait 60 days or some jackass would use his personal savings to “loan” you money.
David: *Eyes Widen*
Mayor Potter: This commie bank was always screwing with people’s money. The owner hired his brother Billy – he was this unreformed drunkard and he had a menagerie of unvaccinated feral animals in his office. And, when this Building and Loan would really squander their funds and bills would come due, Billy would knock on people’s doors holding a wicker basket begging for donations all over town.
David: Wicker? What kinds of animals? What?!
Mayor Potter: UGGHH, Bailey had everything in there… crows, squirrels, probably had a damn bobcat for all we knew. Bailey’s in a mental ward now. But, he wasn’t even the worst…
David: Come on..
Mayor Potter: Try getting a prescription filled back in those days. We had a homicidal druggist poisoning people … Bowser or something or other. He got locked up and’s dead now …. good riddance.
David: Weren’t there two Bailey sons?
Mayor Potter: The younger Brother was a war hero and now works for DuPont and designed some weed killer Agent Purple or something.
David: Not to turn this into a geneology of the Baileys.
Mayor Potter: No big deal. George went off to college and married a local girl…Mary. He designs pipelines in Venezuela. Could you imagine if George had tried to keep his Dad’s commie bank going? He would’ve wished he’d never been born!
David: Back to the town, what changed?
Mayor Potter: Well, Pa Bailey died and then the Crash.
David: How did your recover from the crash?
Mayor Potter: Recover?! The Crash helped us! I bought up the failing businesses and turned this town around. We needed new revenue from new sources.
David: About that, after the war, Pottersville was criticized for what some called a seamy downtown.
Mayor Potter: *Shrugs* You’re a veteran. After the war, people wanted to blow off some steam and that means dancing, music, and booze. Our downtown is different now. Even then, it was still better than the boring Bedford Falls anytown USA….Bleh! We’re the only Right To Work county in New York! What did that bring? Headquarters and more business than Buffalo or Detroit combined! We have 12 museums, 200 restaurants, a financial center, a subway, and a Theater district second only to New York City! Besides, nightlife and culture is what brings people to cities. “Honey, let’s splurge and visit Des Moines… Said no one ever!”
David: You have a point. This is truly a magnificent achievement.
Mayor Potter: Thank you.
David: That’s all. Good luck and good night.
Pottersville: Current Day