Tag Archives: television

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.19 “Turner’s Tale”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, things get trippy as Mr. T tells a story about a magical forest.

Episode 3.19 “Turner’s Tale”

(Dir by Patrick Loubert, originally aired on May 12th, 1990)

T.S. and Decker discover a little kid named Daniel (Amos Crawley), who is hiding out underneath the boxing ring at Decker’s gym.  Figuring that Daniel ran away from home after getting in trouble for something, T.S. tells Daniel a story while Decker tries to track down Daniel’s parents.

As you can guess from the episode of this title, the majority of the episode is a dramatization of the story that Turner tells.  (The story is also told in rhyme, just so you know what you’re getting yourself into.)  In Turner’s story, Daniel (Sean Roberge) and his sister Terri (Kistina Nicoll) move into a happy forest that is populated by people dressed up as mice, rabbits, and owls.  When Daniel enters a forbidden part of the forest and picks a flower, the police show up and Terri is taken away.  So, Daniel has to go to the police captain’s castle and admit what he did so that Terri can be set free and the forest can be happy again….

What?  No, I’m not kidding.  That’s the plot of this episode.

Okay, this is a weird one.  For 24 minutes, T and T goes from being a show about Mr. T solving crimes to a show about a teenager walking through a magic forest and trying to return a forbidden flower to the cops.  I can’t imagine that anyone really watched T and T for the action but if they did, this episode probably really pissed them off.

But I don’t know.  Maybe I’m getting sentimental as I mature but this episode was actually really sweet and kind of cute.  Mr. T really got into telling the story and there was a funny moment where Turner suddenly realized that he had no idea how the story was supposed to end.  One thing that has always remained consistent about T and T is that Mr. T was always at his most likable when acting opposite kids and trying to teach life lessons.  He and David Nerman made for a good team in this episode and watching them play off each other, it was easy to understand why Decker was the only one of the show’s supporting characters to appear in all three seasons of T and T.  There’s not really much else to say about this episode.  It was clearly made for kids and the lesson is that you should never be scared to tell your parents the truth, even if it means getting punished.  It’s pretty simple but the episode had a few funny moments and everyone seemed to be having fun.

Sometimes, that’s enough.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.21 “The Torch”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, its the most shocking episode of Highway to Heaven yet!

Episode 2.21 “The Torch”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on March 12th, 1986)

Everett Salomon (Herschel Bernardi) is a Holocaust survivor who has become wealthy and successful in the United States.  In poor health and in need of a heart transplant, Everett spends most of his time giving speeches about his experiences in the concentration camp.  He is disturbed by the rise in Holocaust denialism and has dedicated his remaining years to battling the scourge of Neo-Nazism.  In a disturbing scene that brings to mind the horrible images of the October 7 attacks, a Nazi named Cal (Robert O’Reilly) sneaks onto Everett’s property in the middle of the night and murders his dog.

Cal is a follower of Jan Baldt (Paul Koslo), a Neo-Nazi and a Holocaust denier who has turned his basement into a shooting range so that he and his buddies can fire their guns at pictures of John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, and Moshe Dayan.  Jan is consumed by hate and he’s teaching that hate to his young son, Rolf (played by a very, very young Mark-Paul Gosselaar).  While Jan rants about conspiracies and bankers, Rolf cleans the guns in the basement.

At a Nazi rally, Jan’s speech is interrupted by Everett’s son, Joseph (David Kaufman).  Cal proceeds to make his way through the crowd and ends up shooting Joseph dead.  When Everett hears the news, he has a heart attack and is rushed to the hospital by two paramedics, Jonathan Smith and Mark Gordon.  Meanwhile, while Jan and Cal celebrate in their basement, Rolf picks up a submachine gun and, not realizing it’s loaded, pulls the trigger and guns both men down.

Everett finally gets the heart transplant that he’s needed ever since he was first liberated from the camps.  Unfortunately, that heart comes from Jan Baldt.  At first, Everett refuses to accept the heart but then the ghosts of his parents and of Joseph appear to him and tell him that he has to continue to live and let people know the truth about what happened in the camps.

Later, Everett leaves the hospital and tells the reporters waiting outside that he will never be silent.

This seems to be one of the episodes of Highway to Heaven that anyone who has ever watched the show remembers.  Because the show is usually rather gentle and non-violent, this episode can be a rather jarring viewing experience.  The first time I saw it, the only thing that stunned me more than Joseph’s death was the subsequent deaths of Jan and Cal.  The episode ends on an uplifting note but I always find myself wondering what happened to Rolf.  Without his father around to brainwash him, will Rolf be able to learn something other than hate?  Or is it too late for him?  Is Rolf damned to follow in his father’s footsteps?

With the current rise of anti-Semitism, this episode still feels incredibly relevant.  There’s really not much difference between Jan Baldt’s rants and the stuff currently being spewed by Nick Fuentes, Candace Owens, and Brianna Joy Gray.  This episode reminds us that “never again” has to be more than just a catch phrase.

Horror on TV: One Step Beyond 2.25 “The Haunting” (dir by John Newland)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

On tonight’s episode of One Step Beyond, a man suspects that his best friend is having an affair with his fiancee.  What better way to take care of the problem than by leaving his friend to die on the side of a mountain?

It seems like the perfect crime and the man might get away with it …. but only if he can do something about the ghost who seems to be stalking him in the days leading up to his wedding!

As always, this is supposedly based on a true story.

This episode originally aired on March 1st, 1960.

Enjoy!

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.14 “Murray For Mayor”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Dennis Haskins guest stars!

Episode 1.14 “Murray for Mayor”

(DIr by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on January 24th, 1999)

Upset that his favorite tree stump has been slated to be destroyed to make room for a new road, Murray decides to run for mayor of Malibu.  When they discover that Murray’s father has given him a check for $20,000, Scott and Jason declare themselves to be Murray’s campaign managers.

Being two sociopaths, Jason and Scott proceed to spend the money on things for themselves.  It doesn’t matter, though.  Murray soon finds himself rising in the polls.

Who is Murray’s opponent?  It’s none other than Dennis Haskins, of Saved By The Ball fame!  Haskins plays himself in this episode, offering up a bunch of vacuous plans and slogans while continually having to explain to people that Mr. Belding was just a character that he played on television.  When Haskins learns that Scott and Jason have been using the money on things like a new television, he informs them that he will report them to the campaign board unless Murray loses.

Being two sociopaths, Jason and Scott try to sabotage Murray’s campaign by telling Murray to make increasingly outrageous promises.  But it doesn’t matter …. Murray wins the election!

Yay!  Jason and Scott are going to prison!  The show’s over!

No, not quite.  After making sure that his stump will be saved, Murray resigns as mayor.  Dennis Haskins announces that he’ll be running to replace Murray and, for some reason, this means that he’s dropping his investigation into Jason and Scott’s financial activities.  I don’t think that’s the way it works but whatever.

Meanwhile, Tracy is learning how to be a magician.  She accidentally handcuffs herself to Stads, totally ruining Stads’s date with some random guy.  Luckily, Tracy later handcuffs herself to the same guy and convinces him to give Stads a second chance.

(Where would mediocre sitcoms be without aspiring magicians and handcuffs?)

This episode was actually not as bad as it probably sounds.  Casting Dennis Haskins as himself and then having him spend the entire episode angrily saying that he’s tired of talking about Screech was actually kind of clever and probably a good reflection of what was actually happing in Haskins’s life at the time.  With its story of a washed-up celeb running for political office, this episode actually felt a bit prophetic.  (Just a few months before this episode aired, Jesse Ventura was elected governor of Minnesota.)  Just as Ben Savage had to spend his entire congressional run dealing with questions about why he no longer talks to the cast of Boy Meets World, Dennis Haskins finds his entire campaign defined by one role.

In the end, this episode predicts our cynical future.  Murray is elected despite being an idiot.  How often does that happen nowadays?

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.18 “The Offering”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week features the most fearsome monster yet.

Episode 2.18 “The Offering”

(Dir by Ernest Farino, originally aired on February 18th, 1990)

After a serious auto accident, Lewis (Robert Krantz) wakes up in a hospital with a bandage wrapped around his head.  Dr. Hubbard (Orson Bean) tells Lewis that he’s suffered a concussion and must rest.  All Lewis wants to know is whether or not his mother’s surgery went okay.  Dr. Hubbard sighs and says that they were not able to get all of the cancer.

Lewis’s comatose mother is a patient at the same hospital and, when Lewis sneaks into her room to visit with her, he’s shocked to discover that he can see a giant insect-like creature that is hovering over the bed and producing slugs that are burrowing under his mother’s skin.  Lewis sees the same thing when he looks at other cancer patients but Dr. Hubbard insists that Lewis is only having hallucinations.

In order to try to help Lewis come to terms with both his accident and his mother’s cancer, Dr. Hubbard allows Lewis to watch as a patient undergoes radiation treatment.  Lewis is the only one who can see that the slugs are drawn to the radiation and will leave a patient’s body to find the source of it.  Still unable to convince Hubbard that what he’s seeing is real, Lewis sneaks out his room, steals a radioactive isotope, and prepares to make the ultimate sacrifice to save his mother.

The Offering is a return to form for Monsters.  Full of atmosphere and featuring a genuinely disturbing set of monsters, this is an effective and well-acted episode that works because it captures the helplessness that everyone will feels when a family member or loved one is seriously ill.  I lost my mother to cancer and my father to Parkinson’s, two diseases that are still not as understood as they should be.  Like Lewis, I spent a lot of time wishing that I could somehow just see and understand what was causing their illnesses so that I could know how to save them.  Cancer and Parkinson’s and dementia are all monsters that we wish we could just squash under our heel as easily as we could a bug.

In the end, Lewis eats a glowing radioactive isotope so that all of the cancer slugs will be drawn to his body.  Couldn’t he have just used the isotope to lead the slugs out into the middle of the street or something?  Lewis offers up his own life to save his mother.  It reminds me of the old Norm McDonald joke, that dying of cancer is the equivalent of beating cancer because the cancer dies with you.  That’s a good way to look at it.  Cancer never wins.

Horror on TV: One Step Beyond 2.24 “The Mask” (dir by John Newland)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

For today’s episode of One Step Beyond, we have The Mask.

In The Mask, a World War II-era fighter pilot crashes in the Sahara.  Though he’s eventually rescued, he’s forced to wear a mask while recovering from his injuries.  When the mask is removed, everyone is shocked to discover that Lt. Harold Wilesnki not only look like an ancient Egyptian prince but he also seems to have the prince’s memories as well!

The Mask originally aired on March 1st, 1960.

Enjoy!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.28 “Tony and Julie/Separate Beds/America’s Sweetheart”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, season 4 comes to an end!

Episode 4.28 “Tony and Julie/Separate Beds/America’s Sweetheart”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on May 16th, 1981)

Wedding bells are in the air!

Carl Mitchell (William Christopher) boards the boat without his wife.  As he explains to Gopher and Isaac, he was married when he booked the cruise but now he’s not married because his wife was too much of a slob.  However, Carl is still determined to take his cruise and enjoy himself.  As soon as Carl goes off to find his cabin, his wife, Lynn (Toni Tennille), boards the ship and tells Gopher and Isaac that she just broke up with her neat freak husband but she’s determined to go ahead and take the cruise that they booked before their break-up.

Carl and Lynn are not happy to discover that they’re both on the cruise and that they’re sharing a cabin.  Carl wants to date a younger woman.  Lynn flirts with Doc Bricker.  Of course, Carl and Lynne are still in love with each other.  Lynn decides to win Carl back by cleaning up the cabin.  Carl decides to win back Lynn by messing the cabin up.  It’s like the most pointless story that O. Henry never wrote.  The important thing is that Carl and Lynn decide to give their marriage another chance.

(Personally, I couldn’t live with someone messy.  And Lynn really does just toss stuff all over the place.  I think they should get a divorce.)

While this is going on, Vicki is super-excited when her favorite actress, Becky Daniels (Alison Angrim), boards the boat.  But Becky is actually a spoiled brat and, when she hires Vicki to serve as her stand-in for a movie that’s being shot on the boat, she goes out of her way to make sure that Vicki is humiliated.  Vicki is briefly disillusioned with Hollywood, until Becky apologizes and she and Vicki become friends.  Okay, then.  Glad that worked out!

Meanwhile, Julie is late arriving at the boat because she’s been busy visiting her aunt (a glowering Nancy Kulp).  She even gets into an argument over a cab with Tony Selkirk (Anthony Andrews), a veterinarian.  Julie wins the argument and the cab but imagine her shock when Tony turns out to be a passenger on the boat!  She’s even more shocked when she sees Tony walking around with two chimpanzees.  Of course, as you’ve probably already guessed, Tony and Julie fall in love.  And Tony asks Julie to marry him.  And Julie says yes!

And that’s where season 4 ends.

Is this the end of Julie’s tenure as cruise director?  I guess we’ll find out next week.  As for this episode, it was pleasant-enough way to end the fourth season.  The stories did not particularly interest me but the Love Boat crew has become a strong enough ensemble that the show is no longer as dependent on its guest stars as it used to be.  This episode, I enjoyed watching the crew more than the passengers.  Seriously, I want to take a cruise now.

Next week, we start season 5!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.14 “Ascension”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week …. it’s Templar time!

Episode 2.14 “Ascension”

(Dir by Jon Cassar, originally aired on February 23rd, 1997)

Mitch and Ryan have been kidnapped!  They find themselves trapped in an underground prison, where their guards all wear suits and a disembodied voice demands answers without first supplying a question.  A beautiful and nameless woman (Alexandra Bokyun Chun) gives a bound Mitch a shot of sodium pentanol, the better to make him tell the truth.  But instead of answering questions, Mitch hallucinates snakes and bears.

What’s going on?  Well, not surprisingly, it’s all Teague’s fault.  In this episode, it is revealed that Teague is a part of an organization that is in conflict with the corrupted, modern version of the Knights Templar.  (*sigh*  Haven’t the Knights Templar suffered enough without being a part of every dumbass conspiracy theory out there?)  Mitch and Ryan have been kidnapped in an effort to bring Teague into the open …. or something.  To be honest, it’s never quite clear what the whole point of the kidnapping is.

The woman with the drugs apparently has a change of heart and helps Mitch and Ryan escape from their cells.  Of course, it turns out that this is all a part of the scheme to reveal Teague’s location.  (Why do conspiracies always have to be so complicated?)  Mitch figures out what’s going on and he and Ryan escape from the woman and try to break out of the prison.  If you’ve ever wanted to spend twenty minutes watching David Hasselhoff and Angie Harmon crawl around inside a heating duct, I guess this is the episode for you.

This episode feels rather pointless.  It’s never quite clear what the Templars want and Teague hasn’t really been developed enough as a character for his great friendship with Mitch and Ryan to feel authentic.  One gets the feeling that this episode was written at the last minute and a lot of the action comes across as being filler that was included to disguise the fact that this episode really didn’t have a plot.  Obviously, the show was hoping to turn the Templars into a regular set of villains, much as how The X-Files had those aliens and all the black goo.  But, if the Templars can’t even track down Teague without having to kidnap Mitch and Ryan, how intimidating can they really be?

Watching this episode, I found myself wondering how Mitch can get kidnapped and drugged by a secret organization and then go to work as a lifeguard the next day.  I mean, after everything that Mitch has seen this season, he should be one of those raving lunatics who you see on street corners holding “The End Is Near” signs.  He should be crazier than someone who has looked straight at Cthulhu.  Instead, he’s still the same mellow beach bum that he’s always been.

More power to him, I guess.  That’s the Hoff for you.

Horror on TV: One Step Beyond 2.17 “Earthquake” (dir by John Newland)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight’s episode of One Step Beyond deals with a bellboy named Gerald Perkins (David Opatoshu).  Gerald keeps telling everyone that there’s going to be an earthquake but no one’s willing to listen to him.  Everyone knows that Gerald is a recovering alcoholic so they assume that he’s just drinking again.  Needless to say, it’s far easier to fire someone than to listen to his insane ramblings, right?

Well, considering that this story takes place in San Francisco in 1906, perhaps they should have listened.

According to host John Newland, this is a true story.  It originally aired on January 12th, 1960!

Enjoy!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.13 “King Arthur in Mr. Roarke’s Court/Shadow Games”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, King Arthur comes to Fantasy Island!

Episode 5.13 “King Arthur in Mr. Roarke’s Court/Shadow Games”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on January 23rd, 1982)

Yay!  Tattoo is present in this episode!

Listen, there’s nothing wrong with Wendy Schaal and it’s not her fault that the character of Julie was seriously underdeveloped by the show’s writers.  But I have to admit that I always cheer a little whenever an episode opens with Julie being sent to take care of something elsewhere on the Island.  In this case, Julie is sent to find a home for five adorable kittens while Tattoo and Mr. Roarke deal with this episode’s guests.

Sara Jean Rawlins (Linda Blair) is a country music singer who comes to Fantasy Island with her manager, Sam (the always sinister Peter Mark Richman).  Sara Jean wants to record her song Shadow Games and she wants her former collaborator and boyfriend, Billy, to play guitar on the track.  The only problem is that Billy is believed to have died in a fiery car crash.  Mr. Roarke says that Sara Jean’s fantasy can come true but only if she has total and complete faith.  Plus, she needs to let guitarist Todd Porter (Don Most) play with her.  “It is very important to the success of your fantasy,” Roarke tells her.  Hmmm….I wonder why.

Hey, do you think that maybe Billy isn’t dead and instead, he’s disguised himself as Todd Porter?  That would certainly explain why Todd’s guitar playing sounds just like Billy’s.  And do you think it’s possible that Sam, who is played by an actor who was always cast as a villain no matter what, might turn out to be the story’s true villain?

This fantasy was predictable and Linda Blair overacted the whole “country” aspect of her character but I did like the Shadow Games song.  And Mr. Roarke played the piano at one point!  It’s always fun when Mr. Roarke shows off a new skill.  (Apparently, Montalban himself was a very talented pianist.)

As for the other fantasy, Ralph Rodgers (Tom Smothers) wants to go to the past so he can meet King Arthur.  He specifically says his fantasy is to “meet King Arthur.”  Ralph is briefly sent back to Camelot but, just as abruptly, he returns to the present and he brings Arthur (played by Robert Mandan) with him!  Roarke admits that something must have gone wrong with the time traveling spell but he also points out that Ralph wanted to “meet King Arthur” and now he’s met him.

Now, what do you picture when you think of King Arthur?  Young?  Handsome?  Battle-weary?  Romantic?  British?

Here’s what Fantasy Island gives us.

Now, if you’ve ever seen any old sitcoms from the 70s and the 80s, you’ll probably recognize Robert Mandan.  He was one of those actors who always seemed to play stuffy authority figures.  He was always the overprotective father or the greedy businessman or the principal who wasn’t going to stand for any foolishness in his school.  Robert Mandan was not a bad actor but he was also definitely not British.  But you know what?  Robert Mandan is so miscast as King Arthur that it actually becomes kind of charming.

King Arthur and Ralph wander around the Island while Roarke works on finding a way to send Arthur back to Camelot.  Arthur gets harassed by a group of roughnecks who don’t seem like they really belong on the Island.  (Maybe they work at that fishing village that showed up in one episode and was then never mentioned again.)  Arthur also reveals that his wife, Gwynevere, had vanished.  Ralph eventually goes off on his own and runs into a British woman who says her name is Gwen (Carol Lynley).  She explains she came to the Island because her politician husband was too consumed with work.  Hmmmmm….

The important thing is that

  1. Arthur and Gwen are reunited
  2. Arthur knights Ralph before he and Gwen return to Camelot and,
  3. There’s a masquerade ball and Tattoo dressed up like a knight!

This was a silly but cute episode.  Between Robert Mandan as King Arthur and Linda Blair singing country music, this episode was so weird that it was impossible not to enjoy it.  I just hope Julie found a home for all those kittens.