Watching the Master”

Posted on September 2, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

And looooooove, won’t hurt anymore….

Episode 8.9 “The Last Heist/Starting Over/Watching the Master”

(Dir by Ted Lange, originally aired on November 10th, 1984)

Recent law school graduate Paula (Julia Duffy) boards the boat with the man who paid for her education, Uncle David (Patrick Macnee). Paula thinks David is a businessman but, as David explains to her once they’ve reached their cabin, he’s actually a jewel thief. Paula asks David to retire from stealing but David explains that he’s going to pull off one final big score by stealing a necklace owned by Martha Parker (Abby Dalton). He’s even had a replica of the necklace made so that Martha will never notice that the real one has been stolen,

Needless to say, Paula has a lot on her mind when stockbroker Andy Brooks (Douglas Barr) first tries to hit on her. But what if Andy isn’t a stockbroker? Shortly after David steals the necklace, Andy shows up at his cabin. Andy explains that he’s actually an insurance investigator and that David will be turned over to the authorities as soon as the ship docks in Los Angeles. Oh no!

However, because Andy has fallen in love with Paula, he later tells them that he won’t turn David in as long as David both returns the necklace and retires from being a thief. David agrees. What David doesn’t realize is that Andy actually is just a stockbroker and the whole thing was a set-up engineered by Paula to get him to retire.

Meanwhile, Doc is excited because his new girlfriend, Gloria (Delta Burke), is going to be on the cruise. Unfortunately, Hal Winston (William Christopher) is also on the boat. Hal is marrying one of Doc’s ex-wives and he’s on the cruise so he can observe Doc and learn to be more like him. Doc gets annoyed. Gloria falls in love with Hal. “I guess I’m still paying alimony,” Doc says as he watches Hal and Gloria leave the boat together.

These first two stories were really charming. I especially liked the story involving David, Andy, and Paula. Patrick Macnee had just the right twinkle in his eye. Julia Duffy and Douglas Barr had the type of carnal chemistry that was rarely seen on the G-rated Love Boat. As for Doc’s story, it was funny in its dopey way.

Unfortunately, those two stories were overshadowed by the third story. Beth Reed (Deborah Adair), an old friend of Judy’s, boards the cruise. Beth is recently divorced. When another passenger, Joe (Brodie Greer), starts to hit on her, Beth says she’s not interested. At first, Joe thinks that it’s because he’s been coming on too strong and Judy assumes that Beth is struggling to adjust to being divorced. However, Beth eventually explains that she got divorced because her husband could not handle the fact that she was raped by a stranger. At first, Joe seems understanding but then he freaks out when Beth says that, when she returns to Los Angeles, she will be testifying against her rapist. That’s going to be so embarrassing for you!, he says. Joe goes on and on about how Beth shouldn’t testify. In fact, Joe was so adamant that I was almost expecting it be revealed that Joe was the brother or a friend of the man who raped her.

Instead, it just turns out that Joe’s a jerk. Beth says that she never wants to see Joe again and that’s really where this story should have ended. Joe goes from coming on way too strong to basically ordering Beth not to testify against a rapist. Joe should have been dumped and Beth should have left the boat alone but proud that she stood up for herself. Instead, Joe offers up a half-assed apology and Beth not only takes him back but agrees to marry him.

NO! Joe does not deserve to be taken back. NO! Do not marry the guy who, after knowing you for two days, tries to tell you how to live your life. It seems like Beth is just going from one jerk to another and her friend Judy doesn’t do anything to stop her.

I have no doubt that there were good intentions behind this story. But, seen today, the best thing you can say about the story is that it was tone deaf and insensitive. Brodie Greer, who was likable as Baricza on CHiPs and on a previous episode of The Love Boat in which he appeared, gives a rather stiff performance, almost as if he himself couldn’t believe some of the lines that had been written for him.

Two of the stories were charming but they were both overshadowed by the third story and it brought the entire episode down.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 7.11 “The World’s Greatest Kisser/Don’t Take My Wife, Please/The Reluctant Father”

Posted on March 4, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Love wont hurt anymore….

Episode 7.11 “The World’s Greatest Kisser/Don’t Take My Wife, Please/The Reluctant Father”

(Dir by Ted Lange, originally aired on November 26th, 1983)

Sawdust Radell (Dan Haggerty) is looking for revenge. The woman he loved dumped him after having a romance with one of the officers on the Pacific Princess. She didn’t tell him the officer’s name but she did say that he was “the greatest kisser in the world.” Ol’ Sawdust boards the ship with his best friend, Bonnie Lee Boone (Elaine Joyce). He wants Bonnie Lee to kiss each of the ship’s officers and then report back on which one is the greatest kisser. What is Sawdust planning on doing? I have no idea but I have a feeling that Sawdust might have a prison stint in his future.

(That was certainly true for actor Dan Haggerty who, two years after this episode ended, was arrested for trying to sell cocaine to an undercover police officer.)

Bonnie Lee kisses the Captain, Doc, and Gopher. She causes a lot of jealousy amongst the crew but they’re not the only ones getting jealous. Sawdust realizes that he’s in love with Bonnie Lee. He also gets a cable from his ex, informing him of the name of the officer. It turns out that the “world’s greatest kisser” is some guy who we have never seen or heard of before and he has since transferred to a different ship. Well, that’s convenient.

Before leaving the ship, the Captain asks Bonnie who the best kisser amongst the remaining crew was. Wisely, Bonnie Lee looks over at Sawdust and says, “Him!”

(No, she did not kiss Isaac. Then again, Ted Lange was busy directing this episode so Isaac’s not really around that much.)

Young executive Matt Stevens (Parker Stevenson) is taking a business cruise. He boards with his new wife, Marion (Kirstie Alley). Uh-oh, it turns out that Matt’s boss, Arthur Boggs (David Doyle), gave strict orders that wives were not allowed on the cruise! As Arthur explains it, “If I let you bring your wife, then I have to bring my wife.” And it turns out that Arthur — who says stuff like “As they say in Moscow, I’m hot to Trotsky!” — really wants to cheat on his wife.

Matt asks Marion to remove her wedding ring and pretend she doesn’t know him. Marion agrees. (Personally, I would have just asked for a maritime divorce.) But when Arthur starts hitting on Marion and Marion starts spending time with Arthur, Matt is finally forced to stand up and announce, “This is my wife!”

“You’re fired!” Arthur replies.

And you’re sued, Matt should have said. Seriously, you can’t fire someone for being married. And perhaps Arthur figures that out because he later offers to give Matt back his job. Matt smiles and accepts. Does Matt have any self-respect?

Finally, teenage Melissa Weatherly (Danielle Brisebois) boards the boat with her father, Elliot (William Christopher). Melissa’s parents divorced when Melissa was young and she’s never really known her father. But now that her mom has died, Melissa is living with Elliot and the two are trying to adjust. Elliot makes the mistake of suggesting that Melissa go to boarding school. Melissa becomes convinced that Elliot doesn’t love her. Fortunately, Vicki is there to talk to Melissa and the Captain is there to talk to Elliot.

This storyline made me think of my own relationship with my Dad and, as a result, it brought tears to my eyes. Gavin MacLeod always did well whenever the show gave him a serious storyline. Plus, it was good that Vicki actually had someone her own age to hang out with for once. I always worry about the fact that Vicki seems to spend all of her time on a cruise ship, surrounded by people who are about 40 years older than her.

This is one of the many episodes that Ted Lange directed. Lange always seemed to get better-than-average performances out of both the regulars and the guest stars and that’s certainly the case here. William Christopher and Danielle Brisebois both turn in strong performances as the father and the daughter. Parker Stevenson and Kirstie Alley were themselves newlyweds when they did this episode and their chemistry comes through, even if Stevenson is playing an annoyingly wimpy character.

This was a good cruise!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.28 “Tony and Julie/Separate Beds/America’s Sweetheart”

Posted on October 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, season 4 comes to an end!

Episode 4.28 “Tony and Julie/Separate Beds/America’s Sweetheart”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on May 16th, 1981)

Wedding bells are in the air!

Carl Mitchell (William Christopher) boards the boat without his wife. As he explains to Gopher and Isaac, he was married when he booked the cruise but now he’s not married because his wife was too much of a slob. However, Carl is still determined to take his cruise and enjoy himself. As soon as Carl goes off to find his cabin, his wife, Lynn (Toni Tennille), boards the ship and tells Gopher and Isaac that she just broke up with her neat freak husband but she’s determined to go ahead and take the cruise that they booked before their break-up.

Carl and Lynn are not happy to discover that they’re both on the cruise and that they’re sharing a cabin. Carl wants to date a younger woman. Lynn flirts with Doc Bricker. Of course, Carl and Lynne are still in love with each other. Lynn decides to win Carl back by cleaning up the cabin. Carl decides to win back Lynn by messing the cabin up. It’s like the most pointless story that O. Henry never wrote. The important thing is that Carl and Lynn decide to give their marriage another chance.

(Personally, I couldn’t live with someone messy. And Lynn really does just toss stuff all over the place. I think they should get a divorce.)

While this is going on, Vicki is super-excited when her favorite actress, Becky Daniels (Alison Angrim), boards the boat. But Becky is actually a spoiled brat and, when she hires Vicki to serve as her stand-in for a movie that’s being shot on the boat, she goes out of her way to make sure that Vicki is humiliated. Vicki is briefly disillusioned with Hollywood, until Becky apologizes and she and Vicki become friends. Okay, then. Glad that worked out!

Meanwhile, Julie is late arriving at the boat because she’s been busy visiting her aunt (a glowering Nancy Kulp). She even gets into an argument over a cab with Tony Selkirk (Anthony Andrews), a veterinarian. Julie wins the argument and the cab but imagine her shock when Tony turns out to be a passenger on the boat! She’s even more shocked when she sees Tony walking around with two chimpanzees. Of course, as you’ve probably already guessed, Tony and Julie fall in love. And Tony asks Julie to marry him. And Julie says yes!

And that’s where season 4 ends.

Is this the end of Julie’s tenure as cruise director? I guess we’ll find out next week. As for this episode, it was pleasant-enough way to end the fourth season. The stories did not particularly interest me but the Love Boat crew has become a strong enough ensemble that the show is no longer as dependent on its guest stars as it used to be. This episode, I enjoyed watching the crew more than the passengers. Seriously, I want to take a cruise now.

Next week, we start season 5!