Retro Music Review: Nine Lives (by Aerosmith)


Alright, let’s talk about Nine Lives. If you were an Aerosmith fan in the spring of 1997, you were probably in one of two camps. Camp One: you were still riding the high of the Get a Grip era, cranking “Livin’ on the Edge” in your hand-me-down Camry, and you couldn’t wait to see what the Toxic Twins would do next. Camp Two: you were a grizzled, old-school devotee who thought they’d sold their soul to MTV back in ’89, and you viewed any new album with the skeptical squint of a man watching his favorite dive bar turn into a Hard Rock Cafe. I landed somewhere in the middle, which might be the perfect vantage point for Nine Lives, because this record is a glorious, baffling, overstuffed, and surprisingly scrappy cat of an album. It’s not the sleek panther of Pump or the cuddly but commercially declawed kitten of Get a Grip. No, this is a half-feral tomcat with a crooked tail, a chipped tooth, and nine lives’ worth of attitude to burn.

First, let’s get the elephant—or rather, the cat—out of the room: the cover. That bizarre, Kabuki-meets-Dali cat face with the third eye and the psychedelic swirls is your first warning that this isn’t going to be a straightforward rock record. And that’s because the making of Nine Lives was famously a disaster. They fired their long-time producer, Bruce Fairbairn, after cutting a whole album’s worth of material, brought in Kevin Shirley, who was known for his harder, rawer sound with bands like Diamond Head and Slayer’s Divine Intervention, and then proceeded to spend a fortune in studio time and label anxiety. You can hear that tension in the grooves. It’s not a polished, radio-manufactured product; it’s a band fighting with each other, fighting with their label, and fighting with their own legacy, and somehow, that ugly, beautiful struggle is what makes Nine Lives so endlessly listenable.

The album kicks off with “Nine Lives,” the title track, and it’s a mission statement disguised as a glam-stomp barnburner. That opening riff is pure, swaggering Joe Perry, all bluesy grease and garage-rock crunch, but then Steven Tyler comes in with that almost rapped, spoken-word verse that sounds like he’s reciting a beat poem about reincarnation inside a biker bar. It’s weird. It’s catchy. And by the time that “meow” hits in the chorus, you’re either cringing or grinning ear to ear. I’m firmly in the grinning camp. It’s a bold, goofy, and utterly confident opener that sets the table for an album that refuses to take the safe route.

Then comes “Falling in Love (Is Hard on the Knees),” which was the lead single, and man, did that song divide the fanbase. On one hand, it’s classic Aerosmith—sleazy, double-entendre lyrics, a hip-shaking groove, and that trademark Tyler yelp. On the other hand, it’s so deliberately, almost parodically sexy that it borders on self-satire. But here’s the thing: it rocks. That riff is a chainsaw, and the bridge where the tempo lurches and Tyler starts wailing about his “love gun” is pure, unfiltered nonsense genius. It’s not Dream On, but it’s not supposed to be. It’s a party track for a band that knows exactly how ridiculous they can be and leans into it with a wink.

But the real heart of Nine Lives isn’t in the singles; it’s in the deep cuts that show Aerosmith still had teeth. “Taste of India” is the first gut-punch. Clocking in at over five minutes, it’s a mid-tempo, Eastern-tinged blues-rock odyssey that features some of Tyler’s most evocative, cryptic lyrics about a woman who tastes like “chai and cardamom.” The sitar-like guitar work from Perry is hypnotic, and the rhythm section—Tom Hamilton’s chunky bass and Joey Kramer’s tribal, pounding drums—locks into a trance-like groove that feels more Led Zeppelin III than Permanent Vacation. It’s the sound of a band stretching their legs, and it’s magnificent. Similarly, “Full Circle” is the unsung hero of the entire record. That acoustic intro is deceptively gentle, but when the full band crashes in, it transforms into a soaring, gospel-tinged rock anthem about karma and survival. The harmonies between Tyler and Perry are some of the best they’ve ever laid down, and that chorus—“I’ve been around and I’ve come full circle”—feels like a genuine moment of reflection from a band that had seen every high and low imaginable.

Of course, you can’t talk about Nine Lives without addressing the power-ballad elephant, “Hole in My Soul.” Oh boy. This is the song that makes the purists reach for the skip button. It’s slick, it’s adult-contemporary, it’s got that Diane Warren-ish sheen that screams “soundtrack to a romantic montage in a 90s movie.” And yet… I have a soft spot for it. Is it cheesy? Absolutely. Is Tyler oversinging the hell out of it? You bet. But that bridge, where he goes “I’m a fool with a hole in my soul,” is delivered with such desperate conviction that I can’t help but buy in. It’s not Cryin’ or Angel, but it’s a perfectly fine power ballad for a band that had earned the right to be a little sappy. Plus, the guitar solo is pure Perry fire, which saves it from being a total snooze.

But then, just when you think they’ve gone soft, they drop “The Farm.” This is the weirdest, most underrated track in their entire 90s catalog. It’s a sludgy, grungy, almost industrial-tinged stomper about a mental institution, with a lyric that goes “They’re coming to take me away / To the funny farm.” It’s dark, it’s paranoid, and it features Tyler doing this manic, whispered vocal that sounds like he’s lost his last marble. The guitar tone is filthy, and the breakdown in the middle is pure chaos. It’s the closest Aerosmith ever came to sounding like Nine Inch Nails, and it works shockingly well. It’s proof that even in their commercial peak, they were still willing to get their hands dirty.

Elsewhere, “Crash” is a straight-up, high-octane rocker that sounds like it could have been a B-side from Permanent Vacation, all revved-up riffs and Tyler’s car-crash metaphors. It’s fun, it’s dumb, and it’s over in three minutes flat. “Kiss Your Past Good-Bye” is another deep-cut gem, a shuffling, bluesy kiss-off that features some slick harmonica and a chorus that begs to be sung along to with a whiskey in hand. And then there’s “Pink,” the second big single, which is pure pop-rock confection—a bouncy, funk-lite ode to, well, you know what. It’s clever, it’s silly, and the video was a masterpiece of 90s MTV absurdity. It doesn’t have the weight of “Janie’s Got a Gun,” but it’s not supposed to; it’s a sugar rush, and it’s delicious.

The album closes with “Fall Together,” a moody, atmospheric number that builds from a quiet piano intro into a swirling, psychedelic crescendo, and “Ain’t That a Bitch,” which is a bittersweet, acoustic-driven closer that finds Tyler reflecting on love and loss with a weary, world-weary rasp. It’s a surprisingly tender way to end an album that’s been so over-the-top and manic. It’s like the cat finally curls up on the windowsill and goes to sleep.

So, is Nine Lives a masterpiece? No. It’s too long, too bloated, and too inconsistent for that. The production, while rawer than Fairbairn’s work, can feel muddy in places, and there’s a sense that they threw every idea at the wall—ballads, hard rock, psychedelia, funk, grunge—to see what stuck. But that’s also its charm. This is the sound of a band that had absolutely nothing to prove commercially—they’d already sold millions—so they decided to get weird, get loud, and get a little dangerous again. It’s the album where Aerosmith remembers they used to be a dirty bar band from Boston, even if that bar now has a cocktail menu and a velvet rope. If you come to it expecting Toys in the Attic, you’ll be disappointed. But if you come to it with an open mind and a tolerance for glorious messiness, you’ll find an album full of character, muscle, and heart. It’s not their best life, but it’s certainly one of their most interesting ones. And frankly, nine lives in, who wouldn’t want to get a little scratchy?

Song of the Day: Falling In Love (by Aerosmith)


Alright, let’s talk about a seriously underrated gem from Aerosmith’s later years: Falling In Love (Is So Hard On The Knees). If you only know the band from their big power ballads, you’re missing out on this side of them. This track is pure, unapologetic fun, and it’s the perfect example of why they’re rock legends. It’s got that classic, bluesy swagger that just makes you want to crank up the volume and strut around the room. Forget the sappy love songs; this is Aerosmith reminding everyone that they are, first and foremost, a rock and roll band that knows how to have a good laugh. The groove alone is so dirty and infectious that you’ll be nodding your head before Steven Tyler even opens his mouth.

And speaking of Tyler, the genius of this song is how it takes the emotional rollercoaster of love and just turns it on its head with a massive dose of humor. He isn’t crooning about a broken heart here; he’s basically throwing his hands up and saying, “This whole love thing is ridiculous!” The title itself is a killer metaphor—love literally brings you to your knees, both physically and emotionally—but the real gold is in the wordplay. Check out the double entendre in lines like “I major in love, but in all minor keys,” which is a clever nod to both musical theory and the melancholy that often comes with romance. And then there’s the absolute classic, “Don’t give me no lip, I’ve got enough of my own,” which works as both a sassy put-down and a sly wink at, well, using your lips for other things in a relationship. It’s self-deprecating, surprisingly clever, and makes light of the universal struggle of romance without ever sounding whiny.

You also have to see the music video, which was directed by none other than Michael Bay, and it is absolutely bonkers in the best way possible. It’s a surreal, chaotic masterpiece of 90s MTV, filled with wild imagery like a man literally chained up, leashed by his tongue, and being tormented by gorgeous women. It’s weird, it’s funny, and it’s a perfect visual match for the song’s chaotic energy. The video won a Moonman for Best Rock Video, and honestly, you watch it once and you’ll never forget it. It takes the playful, masochistic vibe of the lyrics and turns it into a visual feast that amplifies every wink and nudge Tyler throws out in the verses.

Now, set your watch for around the 2:05 mark, because that’s when Joe Perry steps out and absolutely takes over. The solo runs from about 2:05 to 2:25 and honestly, those 25 seconds are worth the price of admission alone. He comes in hot — not showy for the sake of it, but mean and deliberate, like every note has a purpose. There’s this gritty, almost bluesy bite to it that reminds you Perry is not just a rock guitarist, he’s a feel guitarist. He bends notes in ways that sound almost vocal, like he and Tyler are having a conversation, and then he just rips into this run toward the end that’ll make you hit rewind before you even realize you’ve done it. It’s compact, it’s nasty in the best way, and it’s over before you want it to be — which honestly is the mark of a truly great solo.

Look, I’ll be honest—I was late to the Aerosmith party. For the longest time, I only knew them from their Walk This Way collab with Run-DMC, which I loved, but I stupidly figured that was their only trick. It wasn’t until I randomly heard Cryin’ and Amazing on the radio one summer that something clicked, and I dove headfirst into their 90s output. That era—Get a GripNine LivesPermanent Vacation—absolutely hooked me with its mix of grit, melody, and pure swagger. And once I was in, I never looked back… well, except to go binge Toys in the Attic and Rocks and realize what I’d been missing all those years. So if you’re like me and you’ve slept on this band, do yourself a favor: put Falling In Love (Is So Hard On The Knees) on, pay close attention to the lyrical gymnastics, and just let it put a smile on your face. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

Falling In Love (Is Hard On The Knees)

You’re so bad you’re so bad you’re so
You’re so bad you’re so bad

You think you’re in love
Like it’s a real sure thing
But every time you fall
You get your ass in a sling
You used to be strong
But now it’s ooh baby please
‘Cause falling in love is so hard on the knees

You’re so bad you’re so bad you’re so
You’re so bad you’re so bad

We was making love when you told me that you loved me
I thought ol’ cupid he was taking aim
I was believer when you told me that you loved me
And then you called me someone else’s name

There ain’t gonna be no more beggin’ you please
You know what I want
And it ain’t one of these
You’re bad to the bone
And your girlfriend agrees
That falling in love is so hard on the knees

You’re so bad you’re so bad you’re so
You’re so bad you’re so bad

Chip off the old block
Man you’re so much like your sister
My fantasize it must be out of luck
My old libido has been blowing a transistor
I feel like I have been hit by a fuck

Yeah

I’m Jonesin’ on love
Yeah I got the DT’s
You say that we will
But there ain’t no guarantees

I’m major in love
But in all minor keys
Cause falling in love is so hard on the knees

What are you looking for
It’s got to be hard core
Must be some kind of nouveau riche

Is this your only chance
Or some hypnotic trance
Let’s get you on a tighter leash

Own it own it own it

[guitar solo @2:05]

You’re so bad you’re so bad you’re so
You’re so bad you’re so bad

You ain’t that good
Is what you said down to the letter
But you like the way I hold the microphone
Sometimes I?m good but when I’m bad
I’m even better
Don’t give me no lip
I’ve got enough of my own

There ain’t gonna be no more beggin’ you please
You know what I want
And it ain’t one of these
You’re bad to the bone
And your girlfriend agrees
That falling in love is so hard on the knees

I’m Jonesin’ on love
Yeah I got the DT’s
You say that we will yeah
But there ain’t no guarantees
I’m major in love
But in all minor keys
‘Cause falling in love is so hard on the knees

Great Guitar Solos Series

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 5.2 “Redemption In Blood”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Sonny Burnett continues his reign of terror!

Episode 5.2 “Redemption in Blood”

(DIr by Paul Krasny, originally aired on November 11th, 1988)

When last we checked in with Miami Vice, Sonny thought he was a drug lord named Sonny Burnett and he was firing his gun at Tubbs, who he had just recognized as a cop.  This episode reveals that Sonny didn’t shoot Tubbs.  Instead, he aimed at a wall, firing while Tubbs made his escape.

Working with the psychotic Cliff King (Matt Frewer), Sonny takes over his late boss’s drug empire and continue to fight a war against El Gato (Jon Polito).  El Gato is meant to be a “flamboyant” drug dealer, which is a polite way of saying that Polito overacts through the entire episode.

The show hedges its bets by having Cliff commit all of the murders while Sonny rises to power.  In fact, when Sonny catches Cliff torturing two of El Gato’s men, Sonny orders Cliff to stop and then offers them jobs in the Burnett operation.  Amazingly, over the course of the entire three-episode Burnett arc, Sonny manages to get through the whole thing only killing people in self-defense.  Even the cop that he killed at the end of the previous season was a dirty cop who had been sent to kill him.  I get that the show couldn’t take Sonny totally over to the dark side but it’s still hard to believe that Burnett took over the Miami underworld without getting his hands a bit more dirty than he did.

A car bomb (courtesy of El Gato) knocks Sonny unconscious and, when he wakes up, he suddenly starts to remember who he actually is.  Finally realizing that his name is Crockett, Sonny turns himself into the Vice Squad and is promptly arrested while Kate Bush sings, “Don’t give up.”  Sonny tells Castillo, Switek, and Tubbs that he’s ready to acccept the consequences of whatever he did during his previous bout of amnesia.  But then Sonny escapes custody and sets up both Cliff and El Gato for a great fall so I guess he wasn’t totally ready to turn himself in and head off to prison.

Tubbs, who now trusts Sonny, helps him take out Cliff King and the Burnett organization.  Sonny shoots Cliff to save Tubbs.  With Tubbs dangling off of a walkway, Sonny pulls him back up to safety.  Sonny then goes back to his mansion where he and his girlfriend (Debra Feuer) are taking hostage by a gun-wielding El Gato.  “Where is the safe?” El Gato demands.  Sonny tricks El Gato into thinking the safe is in the room where he keeps his pet panther.  (Apparently, all drug lords were given either a tiger, a panther, a cheetah, or a leopard.)  El Gato gets mauled to death as the episode ends.

This episode suggests that Sonny is going to be let off the hook because he finally remembered he was.  I don’t really think that it would really work like that.  Sonny has multiple warrants out and he also killed a cop, albeit a corrupt one.  If Sonny isn’t on trial in next week’s episode, I’m going to be a little annoyed.

This episode ended the Burnett trilogy about as well as it could be ended.  The idea that all Sonny needed was to survive a second near-fatal explosion made me smile.  What if El Gato hadn’t tried to blow him up?  I guess it’s a good thing that he did!  While Polito went overboard, Matt Frewer gave a very good performance as the villainous Cliff King.  It’s a bit of a shame that he died so dramatically because Cliff would have made a good recurring villain.

This episode was definitely better than anything from season 4.  It’ll be interesting to see how the rest of season 5 plays out.

My Favorite Super Bowl Commercial 2018


gary loggins's avatarcracked rear viewer

Well, this year there was slim pickings far as Super Bowl ads go, with the exception of some of the new film trailers (can’t wait for AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR ). The one ad that did stand out for me had a decidedly New England flavor, featuring Steven Tyler of Boston’s own Aerosmith travelling back in time in – no, not a Delorean, but a Kia!:

Dream On indeed, Steven!

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