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Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.19 “Normal People”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Jonathan and Mark help out at a halfway house.

Episode 3.19 “Normal People”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on February 11th,  1987)

This week, Jonathan and Mark find themselves assigned to work as handymen at a halfway house for patients who have recently been released from a mental hospital but who are still not quite ready to reenter the society.  As usual, Mark is skeptical about working with anyone outside of his comfort zone but Jonathan soon shows him the error of his ways.  It seems like almost every assignment was really about teaching Mark to be more tolerant of people who were different than him.

The neighbors aren’t happy about having a halfway house in their neighborhood.  They vandalize the yard.  They blame the patients for every little thing.  When some neighborhood kids accidentally start a fire, the blame is put on a teenager at the halfway house.  Jonathan encourages the patients to try to leave the house and socialize and show everyone that they are just like normal people.  Jonathan also punishes one snobbish neighbor by causing her to have mishap with a stack of melons at a grocery store.  I’ve noticed that, during the third season, Jonathan and the Boss seem to take an extra delight in humiliating people.

Eventually, the stupid kids start another fire, which gives one of the patients that chance to save their lives.  It also reveals that the patient was not responsible for the earlier fires.  Everyone comes to realize the error of the ways.  Hurray!

This was a good example of how Highway to Heaven‘s earnestness often made up for scripts that were a bit obvious and heavy-handed.  There’s nothing subtle about this episode but it’s still so achingly sincere in its message of tolerance that it’s hard not appreciate it.  The show’s good intentions stand the test of time.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.8 “Guess Who’s Coming To Malibu”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

Reviewing Malibu CA feels a bit pointless now that I’ve discovered that half of the season two episodes weren’t ever uploaded to YouTube but I made a commitment and my own OCD tendencies are holding me to it.  Let’s try to take a look at the latest episode.

Episode 2.8 “Guess Who’s Coming To Malibu”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 27th, 1999)

Here’s what the imdb has to tell us about this episode:

Peter is thrilled to be named businessman of the year by the Malibu Business Association. Murray is excited that his favorite actor Josh Denmark is in Malibu shooting a film. Jason recalls that he knew Josh a few years back in music camp. Together they sneak onto the set to see Josh and disrupt the shoot. Josh remembers Jason, the two reminisce and plan to meet again. Later Josh comes by the Lighthouse with female fans following him. Jason offers to let Josh stay at the Collins house to escape the crush of fans. Jason asks his dad after the fact if Josh can stay and Peter says no way, it will be too disruptive with his awards banquet coming up and Scott’s Olympic training. Josh’s flattery helps Peter soften his position a little.

Wow, Jason just knows everyone!  Didn’t they already do an episode during the first season about a movie star who needed a place to hide so she ended up staying at the Collins house?  We’re only two seasons in and the show is already repeating itself.  It’s also interesting to note that Scott’s Olympic training is still going on.  When last we checked, he had only recently started swimming again.  And yet, he’s already a potential Olympian.  I learned how to play golf two years ago.  Maybe I should try out for the Olympic team.

This is another second season episode that has not been uploaded to YouTube.  I know, it breaks my heart, too.  Consider this to be a placeholder.  If the episode ever does show up on YouTube, I will review it here.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.14 “Household Gods”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, we meet a chauvinistic demon.

Episode 3.14 “Household Gods”

(Dir by Michael Warren Powell, originally aired on December 30th, 1990)

Deborah (Deborah Van Valkenburgh) is a married woman who is trying to balance her career with taking care of her baby.  No matter how hard Deborah tries to keep it together, it seems like there’s just one household crisis after another and her husband (Jeffrey Ware) doesn’t appear to have any sympathy for her predicament.  Deborah hires a nanny (Priscilla Shanks) who tells Deborah that her attitude has upset the Household God, a little misogynistic monster who punishes women who want a life outside of the home.  Deborah is skeptical but, this being an episode of Monsters, it turns out the nanny was right.  There is a messy and self-centered deity living in her house and he’s going out of his way to make her life difficult.  He’s played, under a good deal of makeup, by Michael Anderson, the actor who played “The Man From Another World” on Twin Peaks.

This episode had potential.   The idea that there’s a little sexist demon that is responsible for making it so difficult to balance family and career was an intriguing one and also one that was ripe for satire.  Tonally, though, this episode never quite came together.  This was one of those episodes that couldn’t seem to decide if it wanted to be a comedy or a horrific drama and as a result, it just kind of fell flat.  Deborah Van Valkenburgh gave about as good a performance as one could, considering that the show itself often didn’t seem to know how it felt about her character and her predicament.  But, for the most part, this episode was a good idea that was poorly executed.

It happens.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.24 “Isaac Gets Physical/She Brought Her Mom Along/Cold Feet”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, horror royalty boards the Love Boat!

Episode 5.24 “Isaac Gets Physical/She Brought Her Mother Along/Cold Feet”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on March 20th, 1982)

For this week, and this week only, there’s a new member of the Love Boat crew.  Charlene Glover (Shirley Hemphill) is a nurse who has been sent to give every member of the crew a physical in order to make sure that it’s safe for them to work on a cruise ship.  Isaac panics because he has high blood pressure and he worries that he’s going to lose his job as a result.  This would seem like a good opportunity for the show to share some tips on what to do if you suffer from high blood pressure but instead, the whole storyline is a smitten Charlene chasing Isaac and Isaac trying to change his medical records.  It was a bit mean-spirited since most of the laughs came from the idea of Isaac having to get romantic with someone who was overweight in order to keep his job.

(That said, take your blood pressure seriously, everyone.  My Dad had high blood pressure his entire life and it was not easy for him.)

Speaking of mean-spirited, Carter Randall (Richard Dean Anderson) is engaged to marry Muffy (Linda Blair …. yes, that Linda Blair) but he’s getting cold feet.  So, he starts leaving her messages and making phone calls to her in which he speaks with a fake Southern accent.  There are three Texans on the boat and Carter is pretending to be one of them, hoping that Muffy will fall in love with this imaginary person and then break off their marriage …. WHAT A JERK!  And yet, somehow, this plan causes Carter to realize how much he does love Muffy and Muffy is totally forgiving when the truth comes out.  Seriously, that’s not the Linda Blair that we all know from such classic films as Savage Streets and Chained Heat!  What the heck, Linda?

(I should also mention that Carter’s attempt at a Texas accent was terrible.  In fact,  none of the actors playing the Texans had a convincing accent.  For shame, Love Boat, for shame!)

Finally, Millicent (Betsy Palmer) boards the boat with her daughter, Debbie (Connie Needham).  Debbie introduces Millicent to her boyfriend and it turns out that Debbie’s dating some guy who is at least twenty years old than her.  In fact, Ted (Gene Barry) is so old that he used to date Millicent!  Wow, creepy!  Anyway, Millicent and Ted realize that they’re still in love so sorry, Debbie.  Ted even says he fell in love with Debbie because she reminded him of Millicent.  Somehow, Debbie learns all of this without jumping overboard.

As a horror fan, I enjoyed this episode.  Gene Barry was in War of the Worlds.  Linda Blair was in The Exorcist.  Betsy Palmer was the original Mrs. Voorhies.  They really should have aired this episode in October.  The stories were terrible but I simply can’t resist an episode that featured this much horror royalty.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.12 “The Big Spin”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Bike patrol expands its roster, this week.

Episode 1.12 “The Big Spin”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on May 18th, 1996)

Bike patrol has a new recruit!  Scott Kramer (Richard Joseph Paul) has been a cop for ten years and, for nine of those year, he had a perfect record.  But lately, he’s became impulsive and too much of a risk taker.  Bike patrol is his last chance!  “I run things by the book,” Lt. Palermo says.

Chris is assigned to train Kramer and soon, the two of them are falling for each other.  Chris explains that Kramer, like her, is a rebel who breaks the rule.  One of the funnier things about Pacific Blue is that Chris is supposed to be a rebel who breaks the rule when she’s nothing of the sort.  Instead, she just kind of gets annoyed and pouts every episode.

Anyway, it turns out that Kramer is terminally ill so he doesn’t care if he dies while taking down the two motorcycle bandits who have been robbing people all across town.  And that’s a good thing because that’s pretty much what happens.  The bandits are captured but bike patrol loses a recruit.

“The last thing he saw was you,” Palmero tells Chris and I think that was supposed to comfort her.  Chris nods and then walks along the beach by herself.

Wow, it’s an edgy episode!  Well, no, not really.  It comes close to being an edgy episode.  Richard Joseph Paul gives a pretty good performance as Kramer.  But …. come on, folks …. they’re on bicycles!  I’m sorry that I keep harping on this and, since this stupid show has like a gillion episodes, I imagine I’ll continue to harp on it in the future but bicycles are not edgy!  The first season is nearly over and I still laugh whenever I see the bike cops hearing about a crime on their radio and then going, “Unit whatever responding.”  I’m just imagining the dispatcher being like, “Oh no, bike patrol again.”  Seriously, everyone on this show always has such a grim expression on their face and they’re determined to catch the bad guys but, again …. bicycles!

Anyway, season one comes to an end next week.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.11 “The Songwriter/Queen of Soaps”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, things get a bit soapy on Fantasy Island.

Episode 6.11 “The Songwriter/Queen of Soaps”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on January 22nd, 1983)

Dan O’Dwyer (Anson Williams) is the grandson of composer, Jeremy Todd (David Cassidy).  Todd was a important figure during New York’s tin pan alley days but, in 1983, he’s a nearly forgotten figure.  He died in World War I and there are some people who claim that Todd didn’t actually write the songs that he’s been credited with.  Dan’s fantasy is to go back into the past so that he can meet his grandfather and bring some of his compositions back to the present day.  Mr. Roarke makes it clear that Dan cannot tell anyone that he’s from the future nor can he try to change history.  Jeremy Todd is going to die no matter what.

Dan agrees and he goes back to the past.  He meets his grandfather and they get along famously.  Dan even finds what he’s looking for, the compositions that prove that Jeremy wrote his own songs.  However, Dan also meets and falls in love with a singer named Carol (Donna Pescow).  Dan may have what he wants but he’s going to lose the love of his life once the fantasy ends.

Except …. what if Carol is someone with a fantasy of her own?  That’s right, Carol’s another guest on the Island!  I can’t say that I was surprised by this because this is a twist that the show has used several times.  Still, Anson Williams and Donna Pescow made for a cute couple and even David Cassidy wasn’t as annoying as usual in the role of Jeremy Todd.  This was a good fantasy.

And hey, the second fantasy was pretty good as well!  Gina Edwards (Susan Lucci) is a soap opera star who worries that she’s being taken over by Andrea, the evil character that she plays on her show.  The audience loves it when Andrea is wicked and dangerous but the pressure of playing a character so unlike herself is getting to Gina.  She fears that she is literally going to turn into Andrea and perhaps harm her husband, Jeff (Chris Robinson).  Jeff is also the director of the show so a lot of the pressure that Gina is feeling is coming from him.  Fortunately, Mr. Roarke is able to show Gina and Jeff that they are both just working too hard.  They decide to take a step back and just enjoy life.

This fantasy was fun.  It was not only about a soap opera but it paid homage to daytime melodrama as well.  (Tattoo, it turned out, was a huge fan of the show.)  Susan Lucci, not surprisingly, was totally convincing as a soap opera diva.  This fantasy had some enjoyably creepy moments and also a few humorous ones.  It was everything you could want from Fantasy Island.

This was a great trip to the Island!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.15 “Christmas Watch”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

Merry Christmas!

Episode 3.15  “Christmas Watch”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on December 15th, 1979)

It’s Christmas in Los Angeles!  Bob (Don Reid) and Alice Piermont (Pamela Susan Shoop) are a married couple who drive around in a blue van and rob people.  They steal a 15 century bell from an orphanage!  How can the orphans have a merry Christmas without their bell!?

Don’t worry, Ponch is on the case!  Ponch will not only find their bell but he’ll date their teacher as well.  Of course, Ponch is feeling a little down because his family is in Chicago.  But then his mother (Anna Navarro) shows up and, in a rare nod to continuity from this show, his mother is played by the same actress who played her the last time that she came down to Los Angeles.  Ponch not only get to spend time with his mother but he also gets a boost when a businessman who was earlier cited for driving while intoxicated shows up at the station so that he can thank Ponch in person.  The lesson this Christmas?  Ponch can do no wrong.

The thieving couple is caught after the are involved in a accident and, instead of waiting for the police to arrive, they just slip a few thousand to the other driver and then try to escape.  No such luck.  They are captured and the kids get back their bell.  Merry Christmas to all, except for the couple going to jail.

This was a typical episode of CHiPs, in which the California sun continued to shine while everyone celebrated Christmas.  There were a few decent chases and some nice shots of the local scenery.  In the end, Ponch did everything right and got a date.  Merry Christmas!  It wasn’t a bad episode, especially if you’re a fan of Erik Estrada.  Larry Wilcox fans will probably be a little disappointed in how little there was for him to do.  It’s the holidays and CHiPs is all about Ponch.

 

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.23 “Everybody’s In Show Business”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs get involved in a theft and a theatrical troupe.

Episode 3.23 “Everybody’s In Show Business”

(Dir by Richard Compton, originally aired on May 1st, 1987)

The theft of a valuable briefcase that belonged to drug lord Don Gallego (Paul Calderon) leads the Vice Squad to Mikey (Michael Carmine), an ex-con who is now a published poet and runs his own theater group specifically for people who have just gotten out of prison.  Unfortunately, Mikey has once again started using drugs (“Once a junkie, always a junkie,” Tubbs scornfully says) and he desperately needs the money that he can make by selling the briefcase back to Gallego.  Gallego, for his part, will do anything to get that briefcase back.

This episode had a few good things going for it.  Paul Calderon gave a strong performance as Don Gallego, a ruthless drug lord who dispenses threats and violence with style.  (Calderon was also in King of New York as the untrustworthy Joey D. and he played the bartender, English Bob, in Pulp Fiction.  Reportedly, Calderon was the second choice for the role of Jules Winnfield.)  Mikey’s young brother is played by Benicio Del Toro and, while Del Toro doesn’t really get to do much in this episode, his appearance continues Miami Vice‘s tradition of featuring future stars amongst its supporting cast.

That said, Michael Carmine’s performance as Mikey didn’t really work for me.  Mikey was meant to be wild, charismatic, and touched with a hint of genius but Carmine overacts to such an extent that it becomes impossible to take Mikey seriously as any of those three things.  A scene where he portrays his version of Elvis is meant to be a showstopper but it just left me cringing.  Sonny, somewhat uncharacteristically, is portrayed as being an admirer of Mikey’s poetry.  (I thought Tubbs was supposed to be the sensitive one.)  Unfortunately, the poetry that we hear doesn’t sound that impressive.  Sonny has been portrayed as being such a cynic in the past that it’s hard to buy the idea that he would be so moved by Mikey.  If anything, it almost feels as if Sonny and Tubbs have switched roles in this episode.  Usually, Tubbs is the one who isn’t cynical enough.

The episode ends on something of an off-note, with Mikey apparently being near death but somehow managing to escape the hospital after he’s visited by Crockett and Tubbs.  This is the sort of thing that would perhaps have worked if Mikey was a recurring character.  If they had brought back Noogie and had him as the poetry-writing junkie in over his head, this episode probably would have worked.  But we don’t really know Mikey and, from what we see of him, he comes across as being a bit of a jerk.  So, what do we care if he gets in trouble?

Next week, season 3 comes to an end!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi High 1.15 “Stressed Out”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1989 to 1991!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi

This week, the first season of Degrassi High comes to a close!

Episode 1.15 “Stressed Out”

(Dir by John Bertram, originally aired on February 13th, 1990)

The first season of Degrassi High comes to an end with an episode that once again establishes Caitlin as being the worst.

The school year is coming to a close and everyone is stressed about final exams.  Michelle is taking speed to stay up and study.  Normally, this would be a big deal but this episode only devotes a few scenes to it and we don’t even get a big dramatic meltdown on Michelle’s part.  I mean, I guess it’s good that Michelle finally got a plotline that doesn’t revolve everyone being shocked about her dating BLT but why would you do a drug storyline without a meltdown?

The majority of this episode is taken up with Caitlin getting upset because Ms. Avery will not be working at Degrassi anymore.  Under the impression that Ms. Avery has been fired, Caitlin passes around a petition.  When Ms. Avery says she appreciates the support but that she’s actually the one who decided to quit, Caitlin freaks out (in much the same way that Michelle should have freaked out) and gets all upset and says that she’s not even going to go to the end-of-the-year school party.

Hey, Caitlin — IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

Seriously, Caitlin — Ms. Avery is an adult.  She has every right to quit her job.  Now, it does turn out that Avery quit because the school board wanted her to become a substitute teacher.  Avery wants her own classroom.  Caitlin is still upset.  How can Ms. Avery be so selfish to abandon the one student who actually cares about whether or not she has a job or not?  Avery really should have just told Caitlin to get a life but finally, Ms. Avery takes a job teaching at another school.  So, Ms. Avery will get her own classroom and, even more importantly, she won’t have to deal with Caitlin anymore.

Whatever happened to Caitlin’s court case?  Shouldn’t she be doing community service or something?

This finale was a bit of a letdown but it happens.  Not every school year ends with something exciting happening.  Next week, we start the second and final season of Degrassi High!

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 3.7 “Happy To Be Here”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, Bayliss loses it!

Episode 3.7 “Happy To Be Here”

(Dir by Lee Bonner, originally aired on November 18th, 1994)

This week’s episode was depressing even by Homicide standards.

Felton’s wife is still missing.  Felton confronts both Kay and Megan, convinced that they know something about it.  Does it ever occur to Felton that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t have so much trouble in his marriage if he wasn’t always stumbling around like hulking dunk, sweating through his shirt and smoking up a storm?  Be the change, Felton.  Be the change.

Sam Thorne, the journalist played by Joe Morton, is assassinated by a Colombian cartel.  It turns out that his assassin was a teenager who agreed to do it in return for a new bike.  Giardello is shaken by the death of his friend and there’s a wonderfully acted scene in which Giardello visits Sam’s daughter (Maggie Rush).  This storyline served to remind the viewer that Yaphet Kotto, even if he spends most of the show in his office, really is the glue that holds this show together.  He’s the heart and the moral soul of Homicide.

Meanwhile, Bayliss has gone from being the clean-cut rookie to being someone who appears to be on the verge of having a complete and total breakdown.  He’s still seeing Emma Zoole and Lewis is still angry with him about it.  Emma likes to make love in a coffin.  Bayliss can accept that.  Emma wants Bayliss to hit her and that pushes Bayliss over the edge.  When he stops by a convenience store to pick up a six-pack of beer, he discovers that he’s a few pennies short.  The clerk says it doesn’t matter.  He can’t sell Bayliss the beer.  Bayliss responds by drawing his gun and robbing the place!  When the police arrive, Bayliss is sitting in his car and drinking a beer.

So, I guess Bayliss is going to prison now, right?  No, not in Baltimore.  Instead, Bayliss shows off his badge.  When that doesn’t work, he calls Pembleton.  Pembleton comes down to the store and gets the clerk to drop the charges in exchange for Bayliss serving as an unpaid security guard.  At the end of the episode, Bayliss is sitting in front of that store and hopefully thinking about how close he came to being sent to prison.

This was a good episode, one that looked at the pressure that goes along with being exposed to the worst that humanity has to offer.  Bayliss holding that store was a scene that probably should not have worked but it did, due to the performance of Kyle Secor.  In a manner of minutes, Secor took Bayliss from being tired but friendly to being so angry that I was worried he was actually going to shoot the clerk.  Not only did we see Bayliss’s dark side but we also saw Pembleton’s good side as he went out of his way to keep his partner from going to prison.

How much darker can things get in Baltimore?  We’ll find out next week!