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Retro Television Review: Welcome Back Kotter 4.20 “Oo-Oo I Do! Part One”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

Horshack makes a decision about his future.

Episode 4.20 “Oo-Oo I Do! Part One”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on May 25th, 1979)

Horshack is shocked to suddenly realize that he has a girlfriend.  To be honest, I think everyone’s a little shocked.  Horshack doesn’t exactly come across like someone that anyone would want to have a romantic relationship with.  He’s not particularly handsome, he’s got that terrible voice, he’s got those weird personal habits, and he’s like 50 years old and still in high school.

Still, when Horshack learns that he’s going to be transferred to another school because his mother married a blackjack dealer in Atlantic City, Horshack asks Mary Johnson to marry him.  And Mary says yes.

NO, MARY!  RUN, MARY, RUN!

So, let’s just consider this.  One reason why Gabe Kaplan refused to appear in much of season four is because the show’s producers refused to consider his suggestions that the Sweathogs should graduate high school and move on to City College.  But the producers were totally willing to have Horshack get married while in high school.  Sure, that makes sense.  Admittedly, people do get married in high school but few of them would marry Arnold Horshack.  Plus, most high school marriages — at least in my experience — involve an unexpected pregnancy and it’s hard to view Horshack as being anything other than asexual.  He’s just too weird a character for a episode dealing with real things, like love and marriage.  I could buy Epstein getting married.  I could buy Washington getting married.  Beau …. sure, I could buy that.  What would have been really cool would have been if one of Travolta’s episodes had featured him getting married.  Even better would have been an episode where Gabe and Julie got divorced.  Seriously, it would have made more sense than someone voluntarily saying, “I want to spend the rest of my life with the school weirdo.”

This is the first part of a two-part episode.  If I’m not saying much about this episode it’s because this episode was 75% Horshack and Horshack annoys the heck out of me.  When the show began, he was weird but he wasn’t quite as cartoonish as he became in the third and fourth seasons.  This whole marriage two-parter was apparently a backdoor pilot for a show about Horshack adjusting to married life.  Seriously, out of all the Sweathog, that’s the one they wanted to spin-off?

(What’s annoying is that occasionally –– like in this episode where Horshack was drinking — Ron Palillo would get a chance to show that he actually wasn’t a terrible actor but the show’s writers usually did him absolutely no favors.)

This episode really showed how far the show had fallen.  Horshack is getting transferred to a new school and Gabe is nowhere to be seen.  Horshack is getting married and again, Gabe is nowhere to be seen.  It’s Welcome Back, Horshack now and the Sweathogs are truly doomed.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.6 “Bad Penny”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week …. hey, it’s a good episode!

Episode 3.6 “Bad Penny”

(Dir by William Fruet, originally aired October 30th, 1989)

The Coin of Ziocles returns!  Last seen being used by a cult to raise the dead, the Coin is recovered from a construction site at the start of this episode.  This turned out to be the best episode of the third season so far.  Here’s a few reasons why:

  1. First off, with this episode, Friday the 13th finally showed that it still remembered its own history.  The last time Jack, Micki, and Ryan sought the coin, Micki was actually killed and remained dead until Ryan and Jack figured out how to use the coin to bring her back to life.  With this episode, we discover that Micki has some serious PTSD as a result of the experience which actually makes a lot of sense.  In the past, I’ve always felt this show tended to gloss over just how traumatizing it would be to deal with cursed antiques on a daily basis.  With this episode, we see that Micki can’t even look at the site where she was killed without starting to shake.  It was realistic and Robey did a great job portraying Micki’s emotions.
  2. In yet another nod to continuity, Johnny stole the coin and used it to bring back his dead father.  In the past, I’ve felt like Johnny was a bit too quick to accept the idea of the antiques being cursed.  With this episode, we saw that the inexperienced Johnny doesn’t quite understand that danger of the cured antiques.  Ryan, Micki, and Jack would never have made the mistake of using the antique or trusting anything that had once been owned by Uncle Lewis but Johnny is still learning.
  3. Steve Monarque and Sean McCann both did excellent work as Johnny and his father.  Needless to say, Johnny’s father is confused when he’s brought back from the dead.  His struggle to understand what was happening brought tears to my eyes.  It’s been less than a year since I lost my Dad.  I’d probably do the same thing Johnny did.  In the end, Johnny sent his father back into the afterlife.  It was so sad!
  4. Micki writes a letter to Ryan.  It’s probably one that she won’t ever send but it’s good to see that the show at least acknowledged how difficult it would have been for her to say goodbye to Ryan.
  5. By mentioning Ryan so much, this show actually made it easier for me to accept Johnny as his replacement.  Over the past few episodes, I kind of resented how quickly Johnny seemed to be stepping into replace him.  This episode showed me that Ryan is still loved.
  6. The villains — a corrupt cop and his zombified partner — were a bit over-the-top  but still entertaining.  For once, this episode focused on our heroes and I was glad it did.

This was an excellent episode of Friday the 13th!  I hope it’s a sign of things to come for the rest of the third season.

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.16 “Monday, Tuesday, Sven Day”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

It’s another day in Boston.

Episode 1.16 “Monday, Tuesday, Sven Day”

(Dir by Mark Tinker, originally aired on March 1st, 1983)

It’s a busy day at St. Eligius.  Here’s a breakdown:

  1. The racial conflict is continuing.  Putting a young white man and a young black man in the same hospital room leads to an all-out brawl.  Some poor guy walking down the hall on a broken leg gets trampled in the melee.  Agck!
  2. A man in a crude astronaut’s uniform shows up at the ER.  He doesn’t get any lines but his name tag identifies him as “J. Masius,” which is a reference to one of the show’s writers.
  3. Oh, hey, it turns out that kid who claimed he was jumped by a bunch of black guys actually wasn’t jumped by a bunch of black guys.  Instead, his father (Dick O’Neill) beat him up.  Dr. Westphall threatens to beat up the kid’s dad.  They may be old but they both grew up on the streets of Boston!  What is it with old men from Boston and they’re need to threaten each other with fisticuffs?
  4. Dr, Chandler hears another doctor make a racist remake and gets angry.  “I keep forgetting he’s black,’ the doctor says.
  5. Dr. Morrison apologizes on behalf of the racist doctor.  Chandler tells Morrison that he’ll never understand what it’s like to be black.  Morrison agrees but then points out that he only lives two blocks away from Chandler so he does understand what it’s like to live in a poor neighborhood.  Uhmm….see, this is why I was kind of dreading watching this show try to deal with racism.  St. Elsewhere has been a good show so far but well-intentioned TV writer liberalism is usually the cringiest liberalism there is.
  6. Peter’s wife is pregnant.  Peter is not the father.  Peter asks a nurse for a loan so that he can pay his wife’s abortion.
  7. By the way, Peter is sleeping with the nurse who unknowingly paid for his wife’s abortion.
  8. There’s no way any of this is going to end well.
  9. A sex worker comes in to get her appendix removed.  “I love my job,” Fiscus says after telling her to undress.  Ugh, what a pig.  I get that guys say stuff like that when they’re talking to each other and that’s fine but you don’t say that to someone when they’re in terrible pain and in the emergency room.
  10. Finally, the show’s best storyline featured Ehrlich going to party at Dr. Craig’s house for a visiting Scandinavian doctor named Sven.  Ehrlich brings Shirley Daniels as his date and proceeds to have way too much to drink.  This storyline was fun because it highlight William Daniels’s wonderfully sardonic portrayal of the abrasive Dr. Craig.  I love that Ehrlich is both terrified of and desperate to impress him.  Drunk Ed Begley, Jr. was definitely this episode’s highlight.

This was an okay episode.  It wasn’t the most memorable that I’ve seen but I did enjoy that terrible party at Dr. Craig’s house.  Terrible parties are always so much more fun to watch than good ones.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.16 “A Song of Songs”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, not even the presence of the great James Earl Jones can save Highway to Heaven.

Episode 3.16 “A Song of Songs”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on January 21st, 1987)

Mark and Jonathan are driving out in the middle of nowhere, waiting for their next assignment.  Mark is annoyed.  He says he’s been driving for ten hours.  Personally, I think Mark has every right to be annoyed.  I’ve noticed that Jonathan never drives.  Are angels not allowed to drive?  Did he never learn how?  It seems a bit self-centered to make Mark do all the driving.

Eventually, Jonathan and Mark stop off at a roadhouse.  Mark order a huge amount of ribs.  Jonathan smiles, even though Mark is going to give himself a heart attack if he’s not careful.  By an amazing coincidence, an old friend of Mark’s is also at the roadhouse.  Gabe (James Earl Jones) is a blind jazz pianist.  He’s also this week’s assignment.

Jonathan and Mark are hired to work at a storefront church that is led by Eleanor (Rosalind Cash).  Eleanor is strict and demanding and when her daughter (Akosua Busia) wants to go off on her own and perform her own type of music, Eleanor accuses her of only caring about “the devil’s music.”  It turns out that Eleanor is also Gabe’s ex-girlfriend!  Eleanor was not always so strict.  Can Jonathan and Mark bring these two back together and also repair the relationship between Eleanor and her daughter?

Eh, this episode didn’t do much for me.  I hate to say that because James Earl Jones was one of our best actors and he’s definitely the strongest thing about this episode but overall, the plot was a bit too predictable and both Rosalind Cash and Akosua Busia gave such over-the-top performances that it was hard to take their storyline seriously.  This was Highway to Heaven at its most predictable and the episode didn’t even benefit from Michael Landon’s trademark earnestness.  It just fell flat.

Oh well, there’s always next week.  Maybe Mark will finally get a break from always having to do the driving!  I wouldn’t count on it, though.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.5 “Off The Deep End”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This week …. well, we’ll get to it in a minute.

Episode 2.5 “Off the Deep End”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 6th, 1999)

Well, this is embarrassing.  I sat down, ready to face my weekly chore of watching the next episode of Malibu CA, and I promptly discovered that the fifth episode of season two has never been upload to YouTube.

Now, to be honest, this isn’t exactly a tragedy.  I don’t particularly like this show and it’s not like my reviews of an obscure sitcom from the 90s are responsible for much of this site’s daily traffic.  It does bother me as a completist.  If I ever find a free copy of this episode, I’ll review it.  But, to be honest, I’m not going to spend that much time looking.

Here’s the plot summary, via the imdb:

Peter has been ignoring Scott’s swim meets and now only three are left before the Olympic trials. Fearing that he’s doing the same thing to Scott now that he did to him when he was younger, Peter now tries to get as involved as possible. He’s taking care of Scott’s diet, hiring a masseuse, and making Jason do all the chores.

It’s tempting to try to review this episode without even watching it.  I’ve seen enough of these Peter Engel-produced teen sitcoms that I can imagine almost everything that probably happens in the episode, from Scott getting angry at Peter for being overbearing to Peter apologizing for not having been there for Scott in the past to Jason coming up with some crazy scheme to try to get Murray to do all the chores for him.  I’m pretty sure all of this happened to someone on Saved By The Bell: The New Class as well.

But no, I have my ethics.  I’ll wait until I can actually watch the episode and I say that with the full knowledge that I may never see the episode.  And I’m kind of okay with that.

Monsters Will Return Next Week

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Much as with my Love Boat reviews, I am preempting my review of the next episode Monsters until next week so that I can focus my energies on our upcoming St. Patrick’s Day/Kurt Russell’s birthday extravaganza.

Monsters, “our favorite show,” will return next week with a review of a Monsters take on A Christmas Carol.

The Love Boat Will Return Next Week

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi, everyone!  I’ve been doing weekly reviews of The Love Boat for a while.  I really enjoying the series but I’m going to have to hold off on posting my next review until next week.  That’s because the next episode is a two-hour musical spectacular and, as I’m busy getting things set up for our big St. Patrick’s Day/Kurt Russell’s birthday celebration on the 17th, I’m not going to have time to watch the whole thing until next week.

So, The Love Boat is preempted this week but it will return next week!  We’ll set sail then!

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.9 “Moving Target”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Eh, who cares?

Episode 1.9 “Moving Target”

(Dir by Mickey Dolenz. originally aired on April 27th, 1996)

When TC’s former lover, ex-model Rebecca Reynard (Jacqueline Collen), is nearly shot by a mysterious gunman, TC takes it upon himself to serve as her bodyguard.  Chris rolls her eyes because that’s how Chris reacts to every situation.  We’re nine episodes in and Chris still doesn’t really have a personality beyond being perpetually annoyed.  To the surprise of no one, Rebecca turns out to be hiding some deadly secrets of her own and TC comes to realize that his former and current lover is actually a stone cold sociopath.  This is one of those traumatic developments that will probably never be mentioned again.

(I thought TC had a girlfriend.  She was present in the pilot but has never been heard from since.)

Meanwhile, former boxer Victor returns to the ring to help Palermo win a bet against a smarmy lifeguard.  The boxing storyline — which features Victor facing off against the one opponent who beat him during his previous pugilist career — was actually interesting.  Too bad the show ended without actually revealing who won the big fight.  I think we were supposed to be satisfied with the fact that Victor found the confidence necessary to step back into the ring.  No, Pacific Blue.  You haven’t earned the right to end on a note of ambiguity.  Not yet.

This episode was directed by former Monkee Mickey Dolenz.  Unfortunately, not even a Monkee can make cops on bikes look cool.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.8 “The Kleptomaniac/Thank God I’m A Country Girl”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, we’re reminded that Fantasy Island is apparently the country music capitol of the world.

Episode 6.8 “The Kleptomaniac/Thank God I’m A Country Girl”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on December 11th, 1982)

Fred Simpson (Sherman Hemsley) is a kleptomaniac.  Whenever he sees anything shiny, he hears a bong in his head, explosions occur behind his eyes, and he has to steal it.  He always returns what he steals and pays back his friends but it’s still ruining his life.  No one trusts him.  He comes to Fantasy Island looking to be cured.  Mr. Roarke assigns Tattoo to keep an eye on Fred on the Island.  Unfortunately, Fred is still driven to steal an expensive necklace from courier Emily Carlisle (Roxie Roker).  Fred and Tattoo end up in jail!  Poor Tattoo!

(Seriously, what did Roarke think would happen when he gave that assignment to Tattoo?)

Now, to be honest, I’m not sure that Fred actually got his fantasy.  He and Emily do fall in love and he leaves the Island with her but I’m not sure his kleptomania was cured.  Maybe Emily will provide whatever was missing from his life that caused him to steal.  This episode is somewhat progressive in that acknowledges that kleptomania is an uncontrollable impulse, one that is usually linked to trauma.  (After my parents got divorced, I went through a phase of regularly skipping school so I could shoplift makeup from Target.  It was probably a cry for help on my part, though it just seemed like an adrenaline rush at the time.)  Still, what happens if Fred and Emily break up?  Fred’s got a serious problem and I hate to think that he spent all that money to come to Fantasy Island just so he could go home and get tossed in prison.

Meanwhile, Loretta Wentworth (Loretta Lynn) works at the local Fantasy Island diner.  Lorraine Wentworth (Heather Locklear), the daughter that Loretta gave up for adoption years ago, is coming to the Island to meet her mother for the first time.  Loretta’s fantasy is to be rich for the weekend.  Roarke gives her a nice house and a bunch of servants.  Lorraine is impressed until her jerk of a fiancé (Ted McGinley) tries to put the moves on Loretta.  In the end, things work out, of course.  Lorraine and Loretta grow close.  Loretta and her friends board a bus and say they’re going to Nashville so that Loretta can pursue her country music career.  How is anyone going to drive from Fantasy Island to Nashville?  There’s a big old ocean in the way.

This episode really didn’t do much for me, despite the presence of Heather Locklear and Ted McGinley.  It was nice to see Tattoo get involved in someone’s fantasy and Roarke got to give a speech about the true meaning of love but neither fantasy really worked for me.  Loretta Lynn was a great singer but a very stiff actress.  This trip to the Island was not as memorable as it could have been.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.12 “Destruction Derby”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

Baker and Ponch — but mostly Ponch — get a chance to shine this episode.

Episode 3.12 “Destruction Derby”

(Dir by Gordon Hessler, originally aired on November 24th, 1979)

Ponch and Baker are working undercover!

That’s …. odd.  Aren’t they just members of the Highway Patrol?  I mean, don’t get me wrong.  I know that being a member of the Highway Patrol isn’t easy and I don’t mean to imply that they’re not doing an important job.  But it just seems like undercover work would be something that you would give to a detective.  It seems like you would need some sort of special training to do that. For a show that, in the past, has pretty much taken a day-in-the-life approach to its stories, a sudden undercover episode just feels weird.

Ponch and Baker are working at the local demolition derby, trying to uncover a drug ring that…. I don’t know.  I guess people who sell drugs enjoy demolition derbys.  To be honest, I get the feeling that someone in production said, “Let’s shoot a bunch of demolition derby footage and then we’ll just make up something stupid to justify it.”  When it comes to the derby, Baker is working as a member of the pit crew and, of course, Ponch is the one driving the car.  And, of course, Ponch turns out to be a natural because there’s nothing that Ponch can’t master.  Ponch also falls for the only driver who can beat him, the mysterious Billy Wakefield (Angel Tompkins).  This episode is from the 70s so, of course, there’s a scene where she takes off her helmet, her long blonde hair falls across her back, and I guess everyone at home is supposed to go, “A woman race car driver!?  What is this madness!?”

Baker is not totally wasted in this episode.  He gets to save Ponch’s life when the bad guys attempt to booby trap Ponch’s car.  He also gets to play tennis with Getraer and Grossman.  This episode may feature Ponch and Baker going undercover but it seems like the real plot is just Baker and Ponch doing fun California things.  This episode basically is a commercial for the state.  Look! the episode says, Tennis!  Handball!  Demolition Derbies!  Erik Estrada!  We’ve got it all!

Erik Estrada can be seen wearing a wrist brace in this episode, which I assume is a lingering result of the accident that he’s spent the last few episodes recovering from.  I make a lot of jokes about Estrada but, from watching the last few accidents, it is obvious that he was pretty seriously injured in that stunt-gone-wrong.  That, while recovering, he appeared on camera at all seems worthy of respect.  A major theme of this episode seems to be that Ponch is back and Baker, after having the lead role for a few episodes, in once again back to being a supporting player.  Thank you for your service, Larry Wilcox.

Anyway, this episode featured a lot of fast cars and a lot of crashes so I liked it.