Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 4.9 “Team Picture”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

Welcome to 2013!

Episode 4.9 “Team Picture”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on November 30th, 1988)

Weird, weird episode.

Taking place 25 years in the future, this episode features the ’88 California Bulls reuniting in 2013.  Of course, since this episode was made in 1988, its version of 2013 is a bit different from the one that we all lived through.  The 2013 of this episode is a dark and depressing dystopia, with militarized police and …. well, maybe it wasn’t that much different from what we lived through.

In 2013, former wide receiver Billy Cooper is a reporter who is hoping to go from the sports desk to the anchor desk.

TD Parker (OJ Simpson) is now the mayor of Los Angeles.

Zagreb is still playing in the NFL.

Doug Clayton is a Nobel prize-winning scientist.

Dr. Death works at a lumber yard.

Mad Dog owns twenty-five “sex discos.”

Bubba Kincaid is now the “King of Beer.”  After his bar was shut down and demolished, he started Bubba Beer, which we are told is the “last American beer.”

And Jethro — well, no one has seen Jethro for ten years.  Bubba tried to get Jethro to join him in his Bubba Beer business but Jethro refused.  He went into wrestling and then he vanished.  Most of his teammates are angry with him.  They view him as being a crybaby who needs to man up.

In this episode, Jethro resurfaces at the Dodds Corporate Headquarters in Los Angeles.  He’s got a bomb strapped to his chest and he’s threatening to blow the whole place up.  TD and Billy both try to talk to him but Jethro doesn’t want to hear what they have to say.  Dr. Death approaches him and encourages him to blow himself up.  Finally, Bubba goes to Jethro and apologizes for abandoning him.  Unfortunately, Bubba gets shot by a robot sniper and is transformed into a pile of blue ash as Jethro watches.

And that’s how the episode ends!

I appreciated the fact that this episode was so weird.  It pretty much came out of nowhere and I’ll be surprised if it’s ever referenced again.  Probably the most interesting thing about it is that all of the Bulls ended up becoming jerks.  No one seems to really care that Jethro might die.  For that matter, Jethro isn’t that upset when Bubba gets killed.

I imagine when this episode aired, it was meant to be a commentary on how uncertain the life of a pro-athlete can be once they’re no longer playing.  For every success story, there’s someone else who ends up losing all of their money and being exiled to the fringes of society.  Seen today, it’s hard to watch Jethro without thinking about CTE and all of the former players who have succumbed to it.

This episode was so odd that it defies a traditional “good or bad” classification.  I appreciated it for trying to do something different.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.12 “The Big Spin”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Bike patrol expands its roster, this week.

Episode 1.12 “The Big Spin”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on May 18th, 1996)

Bike patrol has a new recruit!  Scott Kramer (Richard Joseph Paul) has been a cop for ten years and, for nine of those year, he had a perfect record.  But lately, he’s became impulsive and too much of a risk taker.  Bike patrol is his last chance!  “I run things by the book,” Lt. Palermo says.

Chris is assigned to train Kramer and soon, the two of them are falling for each other.  Chris explains that Kramer, like her, is a rebel who breaks the rule.  One of the funnier things about Pacific Blue is that Chris is supposed to be a rebel who breaks the rule when she’s nothing of the sort.  Instead, she just kind of gets annoyed and pouts every episode.

Anyway, it turns out that Kramer is terminally ill so he doesn’t care if he dies while taking down the two motorcycle bandits who have been robbing people all across town.  And that’s a good thing because that’s pretty much what happens.  The bandits are captured but bike patrol loses a recruit.

“The last thing he saw was you,” Palmero tells Chris and I think that was supposed to comfort her.  Chris nods and then walks along the beach by herself.

Wow, it’s an edgy episode!  Well, no, not really.  It comes close to being an edgy episode.  Richard Joseph Paul gives a pretty good performance as Kramer.  But …. come on, folks …. they’re on bicycles!  I’m sorry that I keep harping on this and, since this stupid show has like a gillion episodes, I imagine I’ll continue to harp on it in the future but bicycles are not edgy!  The first season is nearly over and I still laugh whenever I see the bike cops hearing about a crime on their radio and then going, “Unit whatever responding.”  I’m just imagining the dispatcher being like, “Oh no, bike patrol again.”  Seriously, everyone on this show always has such a grim expression on their face and they’re determined to catch the bad guys but, again …. bicycles!

Anyway, season one comes to an end next week.