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Late Night Retro Television Review: ChiPs 4.2 “Sick Leave”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, death comes to California.

Episode 4.2 “Sick Leave”

(Dir by John Florea, originally aired on September 28th, 1980)

Andy (Robert Viharo) is a veteran member of the highway patrol who, when he’s not chasing down bad guys, is a student at the the local college.  He wants to become an archeologist and go to Peru.  Unfortunately, Andy has a brain lesion and may not get the chance.  His behavior is erratic.  His vision is failing.  He refuses to admit that there’s anything wrong.  Can Ponch and Jon get him off the street before he gets someone killed?  Andy says that if he wants to die, he wants to go out saving someone’s life and not sitting behind a desk.  An escalating fraternity prank war makes Andy’s dream come true.  The theft of a fraternity’s prized bird sculpture leads to a high-speed chase and several overturned cars.  Andy manages to save a young woman from a crashed car but, when the car explodes, he ends up with a hunk of shrapnel sticking out of his back.  Ouch!  He dies in Baker’s arms.  If Ponch had been the one holding him, one can only assume that Andy would have been magically healed by the power of Estrada.

This is the rare episode of CHiPs in which someone dies.  In fact, I think this is only the third episode in which a traffic accident has led to a fatality.  It happened once during the pilot.  During the second season, several people were killed in a multi-car pileup.  For the most part, though, CHiPs features people who somehow manage to survive the most horrendous of crashes.  Andy is killed by a sharp hunk of metal but, the show suggests, he would have died anyway from the brain lesions.

Along with a rare death, this episode featured a lot of slo mo of doom.  At the start of the episode, Andy’s reckless driving causes Ponch to crash his motorcycle and we get to watch Erik Estrada’s stunt double fly through the air in slow motion.  Later, when Andy runs away from the exploding car, the entire scene is in slow motion.  It works.  There’s a reason why slow motion is so overused.  It’s incredibly effective.

Overall, this episode had good intentions but a somewhat shaky execution.  Robert Viharo went so overboard with his performance that you couldn’t help but wonder why Ponch and Baker were the only ones who noticed that Andy obviously wasn’t doing well.  Not even Sgt. Getraer seems to notice!  The main problem is that silly scenes of the fraternity prank war (one fraternity even rents a helicopter!) were mixed with scenes of Andy’s mind literally shutting down as we watched.  Tonally, this episode was a mishmash.  CHiPs, with its bass-heavy theme and Erik Estrada’s blinding smile, might not have been the right place to try to pull off a heart-rending drama.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.10 “Love At First Sight”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, as the drug epidemic rages out of control, Sonny searches for a serial killer.

Episode 4.10 “Love At First Sight”

(Dir by Don Johnson, originally aired on January 15th, 1988)

What the Hell, Miami Vice?

Seriously, remember when this show was about Crockett and Tubbs going after drug dealers while Phil Collins played in the background?  Season 4 feels like a completely different show.

This week’s episode finds Sonny going undercover (*massive eye roll as Sonny does his, “My name is Sonny Burnett” routine for the thousandth time*) and joining a video dating service.  The plan is for Sonny to bust prostitutes but instead, he finds himself as the latest client to be targeted by a serial killer.

Sonny goes on dates, never knowing if the woman he’s with is a killer.  One woman approaches him with something behind her back.  Is it a knife?  No, it’s a vibrator!  “I can see the headlines now — Undercover cop slugs woman after assault with a sex toy!” Sonny says while wearing a yellow sweater and having a nice grapefruit breakfast at his mansion.

Meanwhile, cocaine is flooding Miami, the crack epidemic is spiraling out of control, there are communist taking over Central America, Fidel Castro is still alive, there’s a lot of going on out there and apparently it’s being ignored so Sonny can be used as serial killer bait — hey Vice Squad, why don’t you let the homicide detective deal with the murders while you get back to what you’re supposed to be doing?

Caitlin, Sonny’s wife, worries.  Oh, how she worries.  Her best friend tells her that she’s knew what she was getting into when she married a cop.  If Sonny is trying to maintain his undercover identity, should Caitlin be telling people that she married a cop?  Shouldn’t she be like, “I’m married to drug dealer!  His name’s Burnett and he just looks like that guy who used to play college football?”  That Sheena Easton was not a professional actress is pretty obvious in this episode.  When she previously appeared, she was a singer playing a singer and that brought some authenticity to her performance.  Now, she’s having to pretend to be the worried wife of a cop and her acting limitations are much more easier to see.

The killer is eventually revealed to be a woman (played by David Bowie’s future wife, Iman) with multiple personalities.  When she feels threatened, she turns into her brother and uses a knife to castrate the men from the dating service.  Will Sonny survive?  Yes, he does.

Don Johnson directed this episode and usually, when a cast member directs an episode of their show, their character tends to take a background role so they can concentrate on directing.  Not our Don!  This episode is so much about Sonny that the rest of the Vice Squad is barely in it.

This episode really made me miss the subtlety of Brian Dennehy playing a televangelist or James Brown kidnapping people for aliens.  Get it together, Miami!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi High 2.9 “Extracurricular Activities”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1989 to 1991!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi

This week, everyone’s either self-centered or foolish.

Episode 2.9 “Extracurricular Activities”

(Dir by John Bertram, originally aired on January 14th, 1991)

Caitlin or Lucy, it’s hard to say who is worse in this episode.

Caitlin is excited when her mother invites her to come home for a meeting with her father.  Caitlin, who has been imposing on friends ever since she discovered her father was cheating on her mother, is all excited because she thinks her parents are going to get divorced.  Instead, her parents announce that they’re staying together.  Caitlin gets angry, telling her friend Maya that she’ll just get an apartment and a job and she’ll never see her parents again.  Maya, who is in a wheelchair and actually knows a little more about hardship than Caitlin, reminds Caitlin that “they’re your parents,” which I think is Canadian for, “Good Lord, stop whining!”  Seriously, Maya — who actually has a lot that she could justifiably be upset about — never complains about anything while Caitlin — who is from a middle-class family and has a nice house and somehow only got a slap on the wrist after being arrested for trespassing and vandalizing — never shuts up about her difficult her life is.  We get it, Caitlin.  It sucks that everyone in the world isn’t as perfect and principled as you are.

(Does Caitlin ever ask anyone how they’re doing or does she just enter a room and automatically start talking about her life?  Based on the second season, the latter would appear to be true.)

Meanwhile, Lucy is dating Bronco, the student body president.  When Bronco tells Lucy that everyone’s favorite Degrassi band, the Savages, are going to be shooting a video at Degrassi, he swears Lucy to secrecy.  (Actually, Gourmet Scum was everyone’s favorite band on Degrassi High but I guess the Savages were cool too.)  So, of course, Lucy tells the creepy Farrell twins and then they make plans to break into the school on the weekend to watch the video shoot.  Joey and Snake also decide to break into the school for the video shoot.  Of course, they all get caught by Mr. Raditch and Bronco gets in a ton of trouble because Raditch assumes that Bronco let all of his friends into the school.

“Sorry,” Lucy says.

Gee, Lucy, that’ll really help!

You may have noticed this episode annoyed me.  Some of that is purely personal on my part.  With my mind slipping into summer and holiday mode, I’m missing both my mom and my dad so I wasn’t necessarily sympathetic to Caitlin’s demand that her parents split up or else never speak to her again.  As for Lucy and Bronco, Bronco should have known better than to tell Lucy.  And Lucy sure as Hell should have known better than to tell the Farrell twins.  Everyone was just too dumb this episode.

Next week, though, we have the first part of one of Degrassi High’s best-remembered episodes.  Fear not, we can put this episode behind us.

10 Films For The Week (7/6/25)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

America, Hell Yeah!

As I always do, I celebrated Independence Day by watching one of the greatest films ever made, the original Red Dawn (1984).  The communists land in America and try to take over and, sadly, they succeed to a large extent.  However, a group of high school students led by Patrick Swayze and Charlie Sheen refuse to go down without a fight.  Say it with me, “Wolverines!”  This film really doesn’t get the respect that it deserves.  Not only is it well-acted but, despite it’s reputation, it doesn’t glamorize war.  Most of the Wolverines do not survive.  C. Thomas Howell, the most committed of the Wolverines, loses a bit of his soul and goes from being a fresh-faced high school student to someone who can execute a former friend without a moment’s hesitation.  While evil Russian William Smith plots to destroy the rebels, Ron O’Neal comes to respect their dedication.  Still, in the end, the best thing about this film is that it’s shamelessly patriotic and unapologetically anti-communist.  “Avenge me!” Harry Dean Stanton yells and you better do it.  The film can be found on Max.

Warren Oates, Hell Yeah!

Yesterday was the birthday of the great character actor Warren Oates.  Brad reviewed two of his films and Jeff shared a scene from Strips.  I would like to recommend the enigmatic 1966 western The Shooting (1966).  Deliberately paced and philosophically-minded, this film features Oates in a leading role.  Millie Perkins and Jack Nicholson (who wrote the screenplay) make for a wonderfully menacing duo of villains.  The Shooting can be found on Tubi.

Sylvester Stallone, Hell Yeah!

Today is Sylvester Stallone’s birthday.  As far as I’m concerned, Stallone’s best performance was in First Blood (1982).  The sequels, which were a bit more simplistic and jingoistic than the first film, have tended to overshadow just how good Stallone was as a troubled veteran who just wanted to get a cup of coffee and who found himself being thrown in jail for refusing to “go across the border.”  Of course, it’s not just Stallone who is great in First Blood.  Brian Dennehy and Richard Crenna were, arguably, never better than when they played Sheriff Teasle and Col. Troutman.  First Blood was one of the first films to really be sympathetic to the plight of the Vietnam veteran.  Rambo may snap and destroy an entire town but, after what he’s put through, you won’t blame him.  First Blood is on Tubi!

Of course, if you really want a fun and wonderfully absurd Stallone film, check out the arm wrestling epic, Over The Top (1987).  Stallone is Hawk, a truck driver who makes his living as an arm wrestler.  Robert Loggia tries to Stallone’s son away so Stallone has to prove himself to be the world’s greatest arm wrestler.  I distrust anyone who doesn’t love Over The Top.  It can be viewed on Tubi.

Tom Cruise, Hell Yeah!

If you’re still in the mood to celebrate Tom Cruise’s birthday, Losin’ It (1982) features Cruise as a teenager in the 60s who goes down to Mexico with his friends so that he can …. well, lose it.  While the comedy is often predictable, Losin’ It is still an amiable enough film and Cruise gives a likable performance and his character has a really sweet romance with Shelley Long.  The great John Stockwell is also in the film.  Director Curtis Hanson went on to do L.A. Confidental.  Losin’ It is on Tubi!

It’s become fashionable to criticize Risky Business (1983), released a year after Losin’ It, for being a materialistic film but …. eh, screw that.  Between the soundtrack, the surreal direction, Guido the Killer Pimp, and Tom Cruise bringing out the sunglasses at night, Risky Business is one of the best films of the 80s and it can be viewed on AMC+’s Prime Channel.

In Cocktail (1988), Tom Cruise  is the last barman poet!  A guilty pleasure for sure but a pleasure, nonetheless.  Cocktail can be viewed on AMC+.

The Running Man, Hell Yeah!

There’s a remake of The Running Man coming out this year.  I’ll live it to you to decide whether or not that’s a necessary thing.  I will say that the original Running Man (1987) holds up very well, as both an action film and a media satire.  You can smell the cigarettes and gin whenever Richard Dawson is on screen.  The Running Man can be viewed on Tubi.

Beach Fun, Hell Yeah!

Saturday was National Bikini Day.  If you missed your chance to celebrate, you can make up for it be watching Malibu High (1979), a film from the legendary production company, Crown International.  It’s all fun and games the beach until a young woman is dumped by her boyfriend and decides to become a professional assassin.  Malibu High can be viewed on Tubi.

The End of the World, Hell Yeah!

If you’re in the mood for some end of the world action, the low-budget, independently made A Thief In The Night (1972) is currently on Tubi, along with its sequels, A Distant Thunder, Image of the Beast, and The Prodigal Planet.  A Thief In The Night is not necessarily a great film but it does have a few moments of dream-like intensity.  And it’s short!  It can be viewed on Tubi.

Click here for last week’s entry!

 

 

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 3.16 “Law & Disorder”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, Munch gets away with murder.

Episode 3.16 “Law & Disorder”

(Dir by John McNaughton, originally aired on February 24th, 1995)

This week’s episode of Homicide gets off to a strange start, with a cameo from Chris Noth as Law & Order‘s Detective Mike Logan.  (Logan appeared early in the history of Law & Order, before North became known as the ill-fated Mr. Big on Sex And The City.)  Logan is transporting a prisoner to Baltimore and that prisoner is played by none other than John Waters!  Meeting Pembleton at the Amtrak station, Logan proceeds to bitch about Baltimore.  Pembleton bitches about New York.  Waters comments that Edgar Allan Poe hated New York.  When Pembleton says that Waters will be heading to prison but at least it will be a Baltimore prison, Waters says that’s why he didn’t fight extradition.  It’s a cute scene, though, as I watched it, I was struck by just how better of an actor Andre Braugher was than Chris Noth.  Noth delivered all of his line like a TV actor.  Braughter delivered his dialogue like a poet.

As for the rest of the show, we get several plotlines.  Bayliss is investigating the death of Gordon Pratt but, because Pratt shot Bolander, Felton, and Howard, none of his fellow detectives are that concerned about solving his murder.  Bayliss comes to suspect that it was a homicide detective who shot Pratt.  He asks Pembleton, Lewis, and Munch for their alibis and none of them really have a good one.  Myself, I think it’s pretty obvious that Much shot Pratt.  Munch’s hero-worship of Bolander, his anger after Pratt walked out of the station, all of it pretty much makes him the main suspect.  Lewis, who is still struggling to come to terms with Crosetti’s suicide, seems like he would be more likely to deal with his anger by drinking.  Even if he doesn’t want to admit it, Pembleton is too much of a wannabe Jesuit to do the eye for an eye thing.  Munch, though …. yeah, there’s no way Munch didn’t kill Gordon Pratt.  John Munch is a murderer.  (Okay, to be clear, the show leaves it ambiguous and never outright states that Munch was the killer but it’s still kind of obvious.)

And he gets away with it.  Bayliss tells Giardello that he’s followed-up every lead and that the Pratt case is just going to have remain open and go cold.  “Won’t help your clearance level,” Giardello shrugs.  It’s a decision that’s going to haunt Bayliss but the show suggests that Bayliss sees it as a sort of cosmic justice.  Before announcing that the case is going to go cold, Bayliss has a conversation with Pembleton and, of course, Bayliss brings up the Adena Watson case.  The Arabist got away with killing Adena Watson so Bayliss is going to let someone — Munch, let’s be honest — get away with killing Gordon Pratt.

Munch isn’t just a murder suspect in this episode.  He’s also a laughing-stock as a nude photo of him from his hippie days is the centerpiece of a photography exhibition that’s being put on by an ex-girlfriend (Valerie Perrine).  It was kind of strange, watching the episode go from Much being a suspected murderer to Munch being the comedic relief.  Still, I always enjoy it when the show remembers that Munch is basically a drug-addled survivor of the 60s.

Felton returns to the squad room, cleared for light duty.  He insists on going out to a crime scene with Giardello, leading to Felton stumbling around, making a fool of himself, and then throwing up afterwards.  Giardello informs Felton that he’s not a good detective in his current state but then again, Giardello adds, Felton has never been a good detective.  Ouch!  That’s harsh.  Of course, it’s also true.  As I’ve said before, I would not want sweaty, racist, borderline illiterate Beau Felton investigating the murder of anyone close to me.

Finally, Pembleton and Lewis investigated an apparently random shooting.  Pembleton thought the gunshot came from the projects.  Lewis insisted that the gunshot came from the white side of the neighborhood.  It turned out Lewis was right but Pembleton was unapologetic, saying he would investigate the case the exact same way if he had to do it all over again.  Watching this storyline, I found myself thinking about how black characters on television often feel interchangeable and they rarely have much of a personality beyond being a white person’s idea of what their black best friend might be like.  Homicide featured three prominent black characters — Lewis, Pembleton, and Giardello — and all three of them are portrayed as being unique individuals with their own different ways of viewing the world, the job, and each other.  Even today, when every television show is desperate to make sure everyone knows how “committed to diversity” they are, it’s rare to see a network show like Homicide, where black characters are portrayed as being individuals as opposed to just stereotypes.  This is something for which Homicide definitely deserves a bit more credit.

This was a good episode.  It appears the murder of Gordon Pratt will never be solved.  Of course, we all know Much did it.

Brad reviews THE EXPENDABLES 2 (2012), starring Sylvester Stallone! 

Posted on by Bradley Crain

I was the target audience for the “Expendables” movies. From the first time I ever heard of the concept, I was all in and gladly told everyone I knew about the upcoming movie. Just the prospect of a big time action movie in 2010 starring Sylvester Stallone and bringing back so many of my favorite actors of the 1980’s and 1990’s was just too good to pass up. After reading updates on the project for at least a year, I was so ready when THE EXPENDABLES (2010) finally hit theaters on August 13, 2010. I don’t remember if I made it to the theaters on opening night, but if not, I definitely made it soon thereafter. Unfortunately, a year of building up my expectations also made it impossible for the movie to completely live up to them. I enjoyed the film and bought the blu ray as soon as it was available, but it just wasn’t everything I hoped it would be. I don’t think anything could have lived up to my expectations to be completely honest. THE EXPENDABLES 2 (2012) came out a couple of years later, and with Jean-Claude Van Damme and Chuck Norris added to the cast, I was ready to go again, albeit with admittedly lower expectations. 

THE EXPENDABLES 2 follows our group of elite mercenaries led by Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) and Lee Christmas (Jason Statham) as they head to Albania for CIA operative Church (Bruce Willis) to retrieve a box from a downed airplane. We find out that the box contains a computer that knows the exact location of 5 tons of weapons grade plutonium. The mission goes to pot when the team encounters the ruthless Jean Vilain (Jean-Claude Van Damme), the leader of a terrorist group, who forcibly confiscates the computer and then kills one of the expendables to teach them some “respect.” Obviously, this doesn’t set well with Barney and he decides the best option for payback is to “Track them, find them, and KILL them!” The remainder of the film follows the team as they try to do just that and stop Vilain from selling the plutonium to the highest bidder. They also get some timely help from fellow badasses like the “lone wolf” Booker (Chuck Norris) and Trench (Arnold Schwarzenegger). 

THE EXPENDABLES 2 is my favorite film of the franchise, and that’s why I decided to review it today, on Sylvester Stallone’s 79th birthday. The “Expendables” franchise was designed to bring back the nostalgia of 80’s and 90’s action films, and in my opinion, this first sequel gives me what I was actually wanting from the first film. Taking over from Stallone, Director Simon West assembles a film with explosive action scenes, cartoonishly evil villains, cheesy one-liners and over-the-top violence that doesn’t try to be anything more than what it is. The movie leans hard into its glorious, nostalgic absurdity and as a guy who grew up on these guys and their action films, I pretty much enjoyed every moment! 

THE EXPENDABLES 2 doesn’t work without the cast of action movie veterans who bring back good movie memories just by showing up on screen. As a massive collector of Blu rays and DVD’s, I own a physical copy of just about every movie made by Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Chuck Norris during their 80’s and 90’s heydays. Most of these discs replaced a previously owned VHS tape, and each of these actors has their own “section” in my collection. These are the movies, along with those of actors like Charles Bronson and Clint Eastwood, that I revisit the most every year. I’m a huge fan of Hong Kong cinema and Jet Li as well, but his role here is just a cameo at the beginning of this installment. Jean-Claude Van Damme has ended up showing such strong staying power in his career, and his performance as the villain is a true highlight for me. Also, my son, who would have been around 12 when this came out, had just discovered the “Chuck Norris Facts” and he loved telling me his favorites. That silly pop culture phenomenon brought a whole new level of fun to Chuck’s extended cameo in this film. I did want to shout out Dolph Lundgren and Jason Statham as well. I may not put them on as high a pedestal as some of the others, but they’re still awesome! Is THE EXPENDABLES 2 the best work of any of these actors? Of course the answer is no, but the filmmakers dredged up my memories in just the right way and gave me 103 minutes of fan service and fun! 

With all that said, I do understand that a person who doesn’t carry nostalgic memories of action films gone by may not enjoy THE EXPENDABLES 2 near as much as I did. The film relies on nostalgia, and without that, the plot itself is very thin and many of the lines will come across as head-scratching clunkers. Even so, most action fans should still enjoy the non-stop sensory assault and violence served up by true genre pros. I loved it and offer no apology for that!