Guilty Pleasure No. 61: Double Dragon (dir by James Yukich)

Posted on May 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The time is …. the future!

The future looks a lot like a cheap music video. Due to repeated earthquakes, California is now an island and Los Angeles has been left in ruins. The city has been renamed New Angeles, even though the correct name would have been Nuevos Angeles but whatever. The important thing is that city is now a mess. The police allow the gangs to run rampant at night in return for not running rampant during the day. The nightly news, which is anchored by George Hamilton and Vanna White, is full of stories about the federal government refusing to send any more aid to California, despite the fact that Jerry Brown is the Vice President. For some reason, Andy Dick plays the weatherman and gives continual updates on the smog and rain.

Despite the fact that the city is the most dangerous place on Earth, Satori Imada (Julia Nickson) still makes the time to drive her teenage sons, Billy (Scott Wolf) and and Jimmy Lee (Mark Dacascos, who was clearly not a teenager when this film was shot) to and from their karate tournaments. However, that might all end because Sartori possesses half of a magic medallion and the evil Koga Shuko (Robert Patrick, looking oddly like Sugar Ray’s Mark McGrath) has the other half. Satori gives her half of the medallion to Billy and tells him that he and his brother must keep it out of the hands of Shuko.

That’s not going to be easy because Shuko not only has control of the local gangs but also the police. Fortunately, rebel leader Marian Delario (Alyssa Milano) is willing to help out the Lee brothers. It all leads to a lot of fights, a lot of running, some campy humor, and stiffly delivered dialogue. For whatever reason, the filmmakers decided that the way to make this marital arts film a success would be to push accomplished martial artist Mark Dacascos into the background and instead focus on Scott Wolf, who spends most of the movie looking like he’s either confused by the plot or terrified as to what Double Dragon might do to his career.

Yeah, this movie is pretty stupid and the plot is pretty much impossible to follow. And yet, it is oddly entertaining in its own weird way. If you ignore the story and just focus on the visuals, it can actually be kind of fun. Look at all the bright colors. Look at Robert Patrick, with his goat-tee and his 90s pop star hair. Look at Alyssa Milano, who, surprisingly, seems to actually be in on the joke. Look at all of the Mad Max-inspired fashion choices. From a purely visual point of view, New Angeles is a huge improvement on Los Angeles. Along with the film visuals, the film is also worth watching just so one can witness just how over-the-top Robert Patrick goes in his performance. I don’t normally think of Patrick as being someone who chews the scenery but, in this film, he gives into every cartoonish impulse that he has and it’s actually a lot of fun to watch. There’s not a moment of subtlety to be found in either his performance or Alyssa Milano’s and thank the Angels for that. Finally, I have to appreciate the fact that the film’s main message appears to be that the government and all other forms of civil authority are basically useless. Not even Vice President Jerry Brown can be bothered to help out the people of New Angeles. That pretty much tells you all that you need to know.

In the end, Double Dragon is not a particularly good film but it’s fun in its own deeply dumb way.

Previous Guilty Pleasures

Music Video of the Day: Maybe Next May by Secrets (2014, dir by ????)

Posted on May 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to the month of May!

May 1st is not only the first day of May but it’s also a day of many holidays. To some people (mostly British pagans), May Day is a day for celebrating nature. For others, it’s International Workers Day. In socialist and communist countries, this is traditionally the day when the army marches down the street and everyone thinks about how lucky they are to live in a society where they are watched 24/7. In the 50s, in order to provide an alternative to day’s communist and pagan-themed holidays, the United States declared May 1st to be both Loyalty Day and Law Day. On Loyalty Day, Americans are meant to remember that they would even turn in their best friend if that person said something that could be considered subversive. On Law Day, Americans are meant to celebrate the American legal system and the way it can be used to toss subversive elements into prison. I didn’t say these were all necessarily good holidays but they exist, nonetheless. (Sadly, there is no Don’t Be A Snitch Day.)

That’s not all, though. In Hawaii, it’s Lei Day. According to Checkiday, it’s also Phone In Sick Day, which sounds like a lot of fun. It’s also Global Love Day and Couple Appreciation Day and apparently, for dog owners, it’s National Purebred Dog Day. It’s also the Feast Day of St. Joseph The Worker. So, really, no matter what you believe or how you vote (or don’t vote), May 1st has got something for you! Everyone gets a holiday! Yay!

As for today’s music video of the day, it’s from a band called Secrets and it’s for a song called Maybe Next May. Enjoy!

This heart is yours so take it as you please
but if you walk away, remember
I need that heart to breathe

I always try so hard to be her right
and all she does is fight the reasons why
the future always seemed so bright
I don’t know why she fears the light

you always try to hide and cover up the hurt inside
but I see through your lies
you know I’m what you need and I need you to breathe
so wont you take

this heart is yours so take it as you please
but if you walk away, remember
I need that heart to breathe

oh, if you’ve seen what ive seen you should know
you’d know its not a good thing to let go
three years of constant devotion
are gone with our destructive emotions.
our love that once was lays in waste
but i still offer you

this heart is yours so take it as you please
but if you walk away, remember
I need that heart to breathe

I need you now more than you know, why wont you come home?
I need my heart to breathe

there’s a part of me that still cant sleep at night
without you in my side
its getting harder and harder to breathe
the farther and farther you get from me

this heart is yours so take it as you please
but if you walk away, remember
I need that heart to breathe

Retro Television Reviews: See The Man Run (dir by Corey Allen)

Posted on April 30, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1971’s See The Man Run! It can be viewed on YouTube!

Two criminals have kidnapped the 18 year-old daughter of Dr. Thomas Spencer (Eddie Albert). They call the number that they have for Dr. Spencer and they tell the man that answers that they are going to kill his daughter unless he pays them a large amount of money.

What the criminals don’t know is that Dr. Spencer has recently changed his phone number and his old number was given to a struggling actor named Ben Taylor (Robert Culp). When the kidnappers call, Ben has just gotten out of bed and he’s still a bit too groggy to explain to them that they have the wrong number. Though he suspects that the whole thing might be an elaborate prank, he decides to call the real Dr. Spencer and tell him about the phone call. However, when the doctor answers, Ben does such a bad job of explaining the situation that Dr. Spencer thinks that Ben is the kidnapper. Begging Ben not to hurt his daughter, Dr. Spencer says that he’ll pay anything and that he won’t even call the police.

This gives Ben and his wife, Joanne (Angie Dickinson), an idea. When the kidnappers call back, Ben pretends to be Dr. Spencer. After the kidnappers tell Ben the amount of money that they want, Ben then calls Dr. Spencer and, pretending to be the kidnapper, relays the message but he also adds an extra $50,000 to the ransom demand. Ben and Joanne’s plan is to collect the ransom from Dr. Spencer, take their cut, and then deliver the ransom to the kidnappers.

It’s a complicated plan and, throughout the course of the day, both Ben and Joanne have their moments of doubt. But they stick with it, because Joanne wants the money and Ben wants the chance to not only prove himself as an actor but to also show Joanne that he’s not the loser that she insists that he is. Complicating matters, though, is that Dr. Spencer’s wife (June Allyson) has called the police without telling Dr. Spencer. Though Dr. Spencer doesn’t know it, the cops are determined to be there when he hands off the ransom to the man who claims to have his daughter.

Clocking in at a briskly-paced 73 minutes, See The Man Run is an enjoyable thriller, one that is full of unexpected twists and which features a fierce performance from Angie Dickinson and a rather poignant one from Robert Culp. Culp is convincing rather he’s playing a kidnapper, a doctor, or just an out of work actor who doesn’t realize that he’s gotten in over his head. As smart as he may be, Ben cannot escape from his own insecurities and his fear of being betrayed. It all leads to a diabolically clever surprise ending, one that proves that you can run only so far before you stumble.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/23/23 — 4/29/23

Posted on April 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, I definitely watched more movies than television. Here’s a few thoughts on what I did watch!

Accused (Tuesday Night, Fox)

This week’s episode was pretty good. Adam Bakri, who played Samir, played obsessed well. Accused is a fairly uneven show, which is to be expected considering that every episode has a different director, writer, and cast. But this week’s episode did a good job of holding my interest for the entire running time.

Are You Being Served? (Sunday Night, PBS)

This extremely broad British sitcom pops up on PBS occasionally. I’ve never been that impressed with it, despite the fact that it was made by the same people who made Allo Allo. To be honest, I kind of resent that my PBS station has replaced Allo Allo with this. Anyway, this week’s episode featured the tacky employees of a tacky department store trying to stay warm despite the cold weather and the store’s lack of heat. No one died during the episode so I guess they succeeded. I honestly didn’t pay much attention.

Barry (Sunday Night, HBO)

Oh my God, it’s Guillermo del Toro! This was another great episode, though I did feel bad for everyone who got shot at the end of it. The assassins with the podcast were a good example of what this show does so well. I also loved the class’s reaction to Sally trying to use Gene’s methods to teach her class.

Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount Plus)

Okay, seriously, Old Beavis and Old Butt-Head freak me the fuq out! It’s always so jarring to see a story about them as adults paired up with a story about them as teenagers. To be honest, it’s kind of depressing. I mean, it’s not like it’s a shock that they’re going to grow up to be losers but still, Butt-Head is a heart attack waiting to happen and Beavis reminds me of this old guy who always tries to talk to me whenever I find myself near Dealey Plaza in downtown Dallas. Of course, the old guy only has one arm and even less teeth than Beavis but still, they have the same jawline.

Anyway, it was a funny episode this week. Teenage Beavis and Butt-Head’s utter stupidity and lack of physical ability while trying to egg the house made me laugh. It’s just sad to realize that they’re peaking in high school. Throwing an egg in a tree is as good as its ever going to get for the two of them.

Oh well. At least Smart Beavis and Smart Butt-Head are getting to enjoy the universe.

Beef (Netflix)

I finished watching Beef on Sunday. You can count me amongst those who suspect that the final episode was actually a dream. Anyway, it was an excellent show. I kind of hope that there aren’t any more seasons because I really can’t imagine anything topping what’s already been done.

Dirty Pair (YouTube)

Anime action! I watched another episode of Dirty Pair on Saturday morning. I had no idea what was going on but a lot of stuff blew up.

Farmer Wants A Wife (Wednesday Night, Fox)

This show is definitely one of my favorite reality shows right now, even though that’s largely due to it providing an antidote for the ickiness of the previous season of The Bachelor. That said, I can’t help but notice that the show makes it look like farming is all rodeos and barn dances. I have farmers in my family and, believe it or not, they go to the movies, they liked to read, and sometimes they just like to stay at home and binge whatever’s on Netflix. Hopefully, the potential wives understand that not every night is going to involve a barn dance. Anyway, the farmers still do not have wives.

Half Nelson (YouTube)

You can check out my thoughts on this week’s episode by clicking here. Only one more episode to go and then I’ll be moving on to Freddy’s Nightmares.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

To be honest, I nearly turned off this week’s episode when it opened with a congresswoman talking about how she had to go to a “freedom caucus” meeting because the Law & Order reboot has always been at its worse whenever its tried to deal with politics. In general, anyone who is to the right of Bernie Sanders is usually portrayed as being pure evil on Law & Order and that was certainly what happened this week as the token Republican congresswoman repeatedly complained that her husband’s murder was bad for her career. That said, the case itself was actually an interesting one and, for once, the episode was willing to admit that people can genuinely disagree with each other without having nefarious motives for doing so. This week’s trial dilemma had no easy answers.

Price and Maroun continue to be two of the most inconsistently-written characters on television. When the reboot started, Maroun was unquestionably loyal to Price and her devotion actually came across as being a bit creepy. One got the feeling that she would murder someone if Price told her to. Over the last few episodes, though, Maroun has been disagreeing with Price on everything and essentially suggesting that he’s just not very good at his job. Personally, I prefer the perpetually annoyed Maroun to the meek Maroun of the past. Price, meanwhile, abruptly went from being a self-righteous liberal to being a self-righteous pragmatist.

This week’s episode deserves some credit for ending with Price having to cut a deal to get a conviction. Far too often, Law & Order has portrayed Price as being “Super Lawyer,” with his superpower being the ability to get a conviction despite having a ludicrous weak case. Infallible Price was almost as annoying as Meek Maroun. Talented but still flawed Price, on the other hand, has the potential to be a far more interesting character.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here.

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

*Yawn* From what I understand, this show is doing well in the ratings but I have to imagine that’s entirely due to Melissa Rauch and John Larroquette. Whenever an episode spends a good deal of time with any of the other characters, like this week’s did with Neil reuniting with his high school crush, it’s torturously dull. At this point, it’s pretty obvious that Abbi is going to break up with Rand at the end of the season and season 2 will find her newly single.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

The episode that I watched on Friday night was about African music of the 80s. It was an interesting history lesson.

The Old Guys (Sunday Night, PBS)

PBS is showing The Old Guys again. This week’s episode featured the old guys going out on what turned out to be a triple date. The jokes were obvious but the cast was likable.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I was sorry to see Kane voted out this week but I was even more sorry that apparently, not a single fake idol is going to be used this season! Seriously, this season had three fake immunity idols and now, they’re all out of the game without anyone trying to play even one of them! I know I seem to say this every week but I really miss old school Survivor, where Jeff Probst openly ridiculed the players and we didn’t learn anything about their lives back on the mainland. Now, everyone has a sob story and Probst is all “Up with people!” It just feels weird. You can read more of my thoughts on this week’s episode here!

Waco: The Aftermath (Sunday Night, Showtime)

This episode featured great work from Michael Shannon as the FBI agent who still feels guilty for his part in creating the monster that he’s now having to fight. Elohim City, by the way, is a real place and it still exists. This is an interesting series and one that deserves a bit more attention than it’s been getting.

Yellowjackets (Sunday Night, Showtime)

Last night, in the 90s, Misty killed the most annoying of the survivors. In the present, Taissa went to the home of the 2nd-most annoying of the survivors so, if nothing else, we know that Van’s going to be around for a while. Speaking of annoying, Callie finally figured out that her new boyfriend is cop so she lied and said that Shauna had been having an affair with Randy Walsh. You kind of have to wonder what Randy thinks about some of the things he’s been put through over the past few days.

Yes, Minister (Monday Morning, PBS)

Oh well! Even if PBS is no longer showing Allo Allo, at least they brought back Yes, Minster. This week’s episode was the one in which Hacker’s daughter planned a protest to save a colony of badgers and Sir Humphrey had to make plans to save Hacker from embarrassment. This was also the episode in which Hacker decided that he was tired of the civil servants keeping secrets and tasks from him, just to then discover how much pointless minutia truly goes into being a member of the government. It was very British and it was very funny.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 5.6 “Reel Teens” and 5.7 “Father Knows Bets”

Posted on April 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, we finally meet Sly’s father!

Episode 5.6 “Reel Teens”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 12th, 1996)

Reel Teens, a reality show, follows around Jake and the California Dreams for a week and reports on how they handle stress. Since this episode is from the 90s, the entire episode is shot in the style of the Real World, with skewed camera angles, colorful title cards, and random use of black-and-white. Though Jake assures the viewing audience that “Jake Sommers doesn’t do stress,” it turns out that he actually has a lot of stress. Jake has to fix Tiffani’s car. He has to write a song by Friday. He has to turn in his term paper and, for his home economics class, he has to sew a wedding dress.

I enjoyed this episode. It was actually a pretty clever satire of 90s-style reality television. Plus. Jake’s wedding dress was actually really nice. Good for him!

Episode 5.7 “Father Knows Bets”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 19th, 1996)

After five seasons, we finally get to meet Sly’s father! To be honest, I was expecting him to be some sort of greasy, used car salesman type of guy. I was thinking of maybe the TNBC version of Frank Reynolds from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Instead, it turns out that he’s a high-powered businessman who had apparently never been a part of Sly’s life. In fact, his father is so neglectful that all of Sly’s bad and obnoxious behavior suddenly makes perfect sense.

However, in this episode, Sly finally goes too far when he develops a gambling addiction. Sly wins his first few bets and then he loses big. And, since Sly made the mistake of putting the band’s equipment up as a collateral, the Dreams lose big too. Sly sells his car in order to pay back the band but, by this point, Jake has already called Sly’s father and told him what’s going on. Sly and his father finally have a heart-to-heart talk outside of Sharky’s and you know what? It’s actually extremely touching. By the end of this show, Michael Cade had developed into a very good actor and he proves it in this episode.

Meanwhile, all of the school is wondering who will be given the Himalaya Award, which honors the most unique student. Tony is on the committee and he whispers to everyone that the winner will be Jake. However, it turns out that the winner is Tony and the rest of the committee lied to him because they knew Tony couldn’t keep a secret. “I can keep a secret!” Tony says, in front of all the people who he previously told Jake was going to win.

Hey, it made me laugh!

This was a good episode. if you need proof of just how much better California Dreams was than the other Peter Engel-produced sitcoms of the 90s, compare this episode to the Saved By The Bell episode were Zack Morris talked to his Dad or the City Guys episode where Chris found out his parents were getting divorced.

Coming up next week, a clip show and a senior prom!

Music Video of the Day: Alfie by Lily Allen (2007, dir by Sarah Chatfield)

Posted on April 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s music video of the day is sure to haunt your nightmares. Chucky has got nothing on Alfie!

Enjoy!

Retro Television Reviews: Half Nelson Episode 1.8 “Malibu Colony”

Posted on April 28, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Half Nelson, which ran on NBC from March to May of 1985. Almost all nine of the show’s episodes can be found on YouTube!

Last week, I took a look at the sixth episode of Half Nelson, which was called Nose Job and which featured Rocky (Joe Pesci) dealing with an obsessed plastic surgeon who was stalking a former girlfriend. That episode featured not only two villains (it turned out that the plastic surgeon wasn’t the only homicidal stalker in Hollywood) but is also ended with Victoria Jackson’s Annie O’Hara starting a romantic relationship with Gary Grubbs’s Detective Hamill.

Nose Job was followed by an episode called Chariots For Hire. It apparently aired on April 26th, 1985 and that’s really all I can tell you about the episode. Chariots For Hire is the only episode of Half Nelson that has not been uploaded to YouTube. I can’t even find a plot summary for it on the imdb. Chariots For Hire is apparently the lost episode of Half Nelson.

Fortunately, the eighth episode of Half Nelson is on YouTube. So, let’s pick up the adventures of Rocky Nelson in Malibu Colony!

Episode 1.8 “Malibu Colony”

(Dir by James Sheldon, originally aired on May 3rd, 1985)

Rocky, Annie, Beau (Dick Butkus), and Kurt (Bubba Smith) have been assigned to guard what Rocky claims is “one of the most valuable art collections in the world.” Fortunately, this job means that they get to spend a few days hanging out in a fabulous beach house in Malibu! Standing out on the deck of the beach house, Annie looks out at the ocean and says that she can hardly believe that China is on the other side of it.

“I wonder how the egg rolls stay fresh crossing over from that far,” Kurt says.

Before anyone can ponder that question for too long, a half-naked woman runs screaming down the beach while being pursued by two thugs in suits. Rocky saves the woman from the thugs and sends her into the beach house so that she can borrow some clothes from Annie. Once dressed, the woman explains that she’s Nancy Norton (Shari Shattuck) and that she was fleeing from a nearby yacht club. She claims that the owner of the club has some naked pictures of her and she needs to get them back. Rocky, deciding that the art can protect itself, helps Nancy sneak back into the club so that she can retrieve her photographs. However, when she sees the club’s president, Crane (John Beck), she suddenly holds up a gun and shoots at him. Rocky is able to push Crane out of the way of the bullets and then he chases after Nancy.

Fortunately, both Rocky and Nancy make it out of the club without anyone realizing that they’re together. Despite the fact that she nearly made him an accessory to murder, Rocky still wants to help Nancy. Nancy explains that there are no pictures and she wasn’t trying to kill Crane. (“I just wanted to scare him.”) Nancy’s father lost a lot of money while playing poker with Crane and now Crane is threatening to kill him if he doesn’t pay. But Nancy is convinced that the poker game was rigged. The reason she was in club earlier was to take a look at Crane’s cards.

(For some reason, she thought it would be smart to do that while wearing a bikini, the top of which was somehow lost while she was fleeing Crane’s guards. That explains that partial nudity, which I am sure was definitely viewed as being important to the plot and not just as an attempt to boost the show’s ratings.)

Having saved Crane’s life, Rocky is able to get Annie, Kurt, and Beau jobs at the club. Annie models clothes. Kurt and Beau work as waiters. Rocky’s boss, Chester (Fred Williamson), shows up at the club with Dean Martin and is shocked to see all of his employees working there. Dean demands that Chester give them all raises so that they can quit their second jobs.

Eventually, Rocky finds his proof that Crane is a criminal and, with Chester’s help, he takes Crane down. After being stuck in the office for the past few episodes, Chester actually gets to do something in this episode. It’s always nice to see Fred Williamson in action and making it even better is that he smokes a big cigar while he’s taking down the bad guys. Finally, after eight episodes, Half Nelson reminded everyone of why Fred Williamson was so cool to begin with.

This episode definitely earns some points for allowing the entire supporting cast — from Fred Williamson to Victoria Jackson to Dean Martin — to play a role in solving the case of the week. One of Half Nelson‘s biggest flaws was that the appealingly quirky supporting characters often felt underused and Malibu Colony finally gives them a chance to show what they could have done as an ensemble. The mix of Pesci’s wise guy nerve, Jackson’s spaciness, Williamson’s effortless coolness, and Butkus and Smith’s comedic relief is actually pretty entertaining. Unfortunately, as good as the heroes are, Crane is pretty boring villain and the case of the week isn’t particularly interesting. In particular, Nancy’s actions never really make that much sense.

Oh well. This was a flawed episode but it still offered up a hint of what Half Nelson could have been. Next week, I will be reviewing this show’s final episode. Until then, L.A. — you belong to me!

Music Video of the Day: Take Me To The Hospital by The Prodigy (2009, dir by Paul Dugdale)

Posted on April 28, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

According to who you ask, the building in this video is either supposed to be an abandoned mental hospital or it actually was an abandoned mental hospital. Either the way, the band certainly made it into a home.

Enjoy!

Retro Television Review: City Guys 4.18 “Who Da Man” and 4.19 “Get To Preppin”

Posted on April 27, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, the kids have another subway adventure and it’s time for midterms!

Episode 4.18 “Who Da Man”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 18th, 2000)

This is a weird episode.

I guess because the producers didn’t want to waste their subway set, Al, Dawn, and Cassidy had yet another adventure on a train. This time, the three of them were approached by two muggers who demanded Al’s jacket. Despite all of his brave talk, Al meekly surrendered his jacket. Fortunately, Dawn remembered her self-defense training and somehow managed to flip the main mugger to the ground. Dawn saved Al’s life but, in his eyes, she also robbed him of his dignity. Of course, those of us who have been watching this show from the beginning know that Al never had any dignity to begin with.

After Cassidy tells the editor of the school newspaper about what happened, everyone at the school knows that Al needed Dawn to save his jacket. Al demands that Dawn start acting more “like a girl.” Dawn reacts by acting so girly that Al has a mental breakdown and says he wishes that thing could go back to the way they were, with Dawn dressing like a Portland antique store owner and Al presumably getting mugged every time he rode the subway.

Meanwhile, Ms. Noble asks L-Train, Jamal, and Chris to hold a ladder steady while she attempts to hang a picture of her husband in her classroom. Unfortunately, because she stupidly asked the three most easily distracted people in the school for help, she falls off the ladder. The next time we see Ms. Noble, she’s in a wheelchair and L-Train is pushing her around New York. (How this became L-Train’s job is never really explained.) L-Train, however, suspects that Ms. Noble can really walk and, as such, he keeps trying to put her into situations designed to get her out of the chair. He even rolls her up to the roof of the school so that she can watch a limbo contest. To L-Train’s shock, she doesn’t take part in the contest. L-Train leaves the roof to try to figure out how his life has come to center around pushing around Ms. Noble. When he returns to the roof, he is shocked to discover that Ms. Noble can walk and is doing the limbo, albeit by herself. Ms. Noble taunts L-Train with the fact that she can walk but, when Chris and Jamal step out on the roof, she sits back down.

Seriously, what the heck? I mean, let’s ignore the fact that Dawn is suddenly a kick ass martial artist. What’s going on with Ms. Noble!? This episode actually proves my theory that Ms. Noble is essentially a cult leader who enjoys manipulating her followers. After three years of her offering encouragement to L-Train, this episode finds her not only manipulating him but also going out of her way to make him look like a liar. What a terrible principal! That said, Ms. Noble’s action were just weird enough to make this episode entertaining.

Let’s move on!

Episode 4.19 “Get to Preppin'”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 25th, 2000)

It’s mid-term time again!

When Chris gets a less than impressive grade on his first test, his father sends him back to prep school. When Chris realizes that he doesn’t have to work hard in his classes because of his father’s influence, he gets upset because it makes him feel like a spoiled brat and apparently, that’s a bad thing. Chris demands to go back to Manny High, where he’s actually held responsible for actions.

Ha! Like that would happen.

Seriously, if I was told that I didn’t have to work at anything when I was 17, crying about it is the last thing I would ever do.

Anyway, Chris’s father returns him to Manny High because, if he didn’t, the name of the show would be changed to City Guy and Jamal would have to host the radio show alone. As always, the important thing is maintaining the status quo.