Tag Archives: review

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 1.2 “Heat Wave”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be purchased on Tubi.

Save me!

Episode 1.2 “Heat Wave”

(Dir by Gus Trikonis, originally aired on September 29th, 1989)

Not much of an episode this week, I’m afraid.

California is dealing with a heat wave and no one has air conditioning (really?) so everyone in Los Angeles is heading down to the beach so that they can relax in the hot sand.  Eddie and Trevor keep giving each other the side eye because Eddie is a Baywatch lifeguard and Trevor is a country club life guard.  Eddie tries to hit on a woman who has spent the entire day relaxing near his tower but it turns out that she’s visiting from Australia and only has eyes for Trevor.  “Maybe next time,” she tells Eddie.

Craig is told by his boss that he has to choose between being a lawyer at a big firm or a lifeguard.  Craig’s wife, Gina, suggests that Craig quit the law firm and become a beachfront lawyer.  She says that he can still be a lifeguard and he can just use their kitchen table as his desk.  I don’t know if I would be as understanding as Gina.  Craig was making a lot of money as a big corporate lawyer, even if he apparently couldn’t afford to get an air conditioner.

(What the Heck, California?  How are you surviving with air conditioning!?)

Meanwhile, two stupid kids get trapped in a storm drain.  Mitch sends the junior lifeguards out to look for them.  Hobie asks, “What can a bunch of junior lifeguards do?”  Mitch replies that this is an opportunity for the junior lifeguards to go to all the places that they’re usually not allowed to go.  So, basically, Mitch’s plan to find the missing kids is to put a bunch of other kids at risk.  I guess that’s why he’s the lieutenant.

Luckily, the two dumb kids are rescued.  One of the kids is the son of Steve Humboldt (Jeffrey Byron), a former Baywatch lifeguard.  It turns out that Steve lost custody of his kid in a court case and he basically abducted him.  But, after the kid nearly dies, Steve is like, “We’re going to call your mom and go home!” and that apparently makes everything okay under the “He Changed His Mind Afterwards” clause.

This was all pretty dumb.  Stay out of the storm drain, kids!  It’s not that difficult.

October True Crime: Mob Town (dir by Danny A. Abeckaser)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 1957, the Commission — the governing board that regulated organized crime in America — seemed like it was on the very of collapsing.  Bugsy Siegel was dead.  Lucky Luciano had been exiled to Sicily.  Meyer Lansky was more concerned with running his casinos in Cuba than with keeping track of who was angry with who in America.  The ruthless Vito Genovese was moving in on everyone’s business and was suspected of being behind the assassination of Albert Anastasia and the shooting of Frank Costello.

Genovese, looking to solidify his control and perhaps bring some peace to the warring factions, called for a summit in upstate New York, at the estate of Joseph Barbara.  Bosses from across the country gathered in Apalachin, New York.  It started out as a nice weekend, with stories being told and fish being grilled.  But then, suddenly, the cops showed up and 50 of the country’s most powerful mobsters made a run for it.  Many of them ducked into the woods, where they were subsequently rounded up by the cops.

In the end, several mobsters were arrested and convicted of various crimes.  All of those convictions were overturned on appeal.  However, the arrests revealed to America that the Mafia wasn’t just an urban legend.  Up until the bust at Apalachin, FBI director J. Edgar Hoover insisted that there was no such thing as the Mafia.  After the bust, Hoover not only acknowledged that the Mafia existed but he also started a special division of the FBI to deal with it.

(Not that it did much good, of course.  Being exposed still didn’t stop the Mafia from fixing the vote in Illinois during the 1960 presidential election.)

The 2019 film Mob Town details the events leading up to the Apalachin Conference.  Robert Davi is properly intimidating as the ruthless Vito Genovese.  The film’s director, Danny A. Abeckaser, plays Joseph Barbara while Jami-Lyn Sigler plays Barbara’s wife, tasked with putting together a dinner for a growing list of guests.  Josephine Barbara goes from being happy about her husband working his way up the ranks of the mob to growing increasingly frustrated as the number of expected bosses rises from 30 to 50 and I have to say that I could very much relate to Josephine.  Finally, David Arquette plays Edgar Croswell, the New York state trooper who figured out that something big was happening at the Barbara place.  Croswell spends most of the film trying to get people to take him seriously.  At the end of the film, he gets a congratulatory call from President Eisenhower.  I’m enough of a history nerd that I appreciate any film that ends with a congratulatory call from President Eisenhower.

Mob Land was obviously made for a low-budget and it doesn’t always move as quickly as one might like.  When Croswell isn’t trying to expose the mob, he’s pursuing a romance with Natalie (Jennifer Esposito) and Arquette’s permanently dazed expression doesn’t always make him the most convincing state trooper.  It’s an uneven movie that traffics in almost every mob cliche but I can’t be too critical of it.  Robert Davi was a more convincing Genovese than Robert De Niro was in Alto Knights.  I appreciated the scenes of the Barbaras trying to get their place ready for the meeting.  That was mob action to which I could relate.

Horror Song of the Day: Profondo Rosso by Goblin

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s horror song of the day comes from Dario Argento’s Deep Red!

Deep Red features the first collaboration between Argento and Goblin and the score remains a classic and one that I listen to every October.

Here’s Goblin performing Profondo Rosso on Italian television in 1975.

Horror On The Lens: The Brain Eaters (dir by Bruno VeSota)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

For today’s horror on the lens, we have 1958’s The Brain Eaters!

In this noir-influenced tale of science fiction horror, a con-shaped ship crashes near a small town.  Soon, the residents of the town are vanishing, just to return as mind-controlled zombies!  This one clocks in at 61 minutes and it’s an enjoyable little B-movie.  Like many films from the 50s, the main message seems to be that you should never totally trust anyone.  They could be a communist.  They could be an alien.  They could be a Brain Eater!

Keep an eye out for Leonard Nimoy in an early role.  Or actually, it might be better to keep an ear open.  Nimoy isn’t easy to spot but you’ll recognize his voice towards the end of the film.

 

October Positivity: Come What May (dir by Manny Edwards and George D. Escobar)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

First released in 2009, Come What May tells the story of the Hogan family.

Judith Hogan (Karen Kelly) is an attorney at a prestigious law firm and has become so devoted to her work and her politics that her husband, a pro-life biologist named Don (Kenneth Jezek), is feeling left out in the cold.  Don has written a book that argues that life starts at conception but he’s struggling to get it published and he knows that, even if he does find a publisher, he’ll probably lose his job as a result.

Meanwhile, their son Caleb (Austin Kearney) wants to transfer to Patrick Henry College so that he can join their championship moot court competition team.  Judith agrees to pay for one year at PHC, on the condition that Caleb win the Moot Court Championship.  If he doesn’t, she won’t pay for a second year and I guess …. well, I don’t know what will happen.  I guess Caleb will have to go back to his old college.  To be honest, it seems kind of petty on Judith’s part.

Judith has a lot on her mind because she’s going to be arguing an abortion case in front of the Supreme Court.  Meanwhile, Caleb and his moot court partner, Rachel (Victoria Emmons), are going to be arguing for the repeal of Roe v Wade during their competition, despite Caleb’s fear that the moot court might not be willing to accept their arguments.  Sitting on the moot court is the retired Supreme Court justice who wrote Roe v Wade.  That would seem like a conflict of interest to me but what do I know?  I went to a party school.

Come What May is a low-budget film, one that is made with more ambition than skill.  It’s not the type of movie that’s going to change anyone’s mind about abortion and, if you’re pro-choice, you’ll probably be even more pro-choice after seeing this film.  The film works best as a 90-minute commercial for Patrick Henry College.  Seriously, the campus looks lovely!  Watching this movie, I found myself missing college.  There’s no better feeling that having your future ahead of you and also feeling like you know better than everyone else in the world.  As for the acting, the cast was often amateurish, with the exception of Victoria Emmons, who gave a very earnest and likable performance as Rachel and who, at the end of the film, got to wear this floral dress that was just to die for.

Watching the film today, what’s interesting is how dated it seems.  It’s 16 years old but, with its debate over whether or not Roe v Wade can be overturned, it feels like it might as well have been written and filmed a hundred years ago.  We now all know that Roe v Wade not only can be overturned but, in fact, it would be overturned 13 years after this film came out.  (Of course, the arguments that led to the overturning of Roe v Wade were a far cry from the largely emotional argument that Caleb and Rachel make in this film.)  Seen today, Come What May feels like a time capsule.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Freddy’s Nightmares 1.12 “Deadline”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Tubi!

This week …. oh, who knows?

Episode 1.12 “Deadline”

(Dir by Michael Lange, originally aired on January 29th, 1989)

This week’s first story is about Peter (Aaron Harnick), whose father owns the local Springwood paper and who is given a job for the summer.  He’s assigned to write the obits so that he can hang out around the newspaper office and learn from the veteran writers.  Peter would rather be in Europe.  That’s especially true when he starts to visualize the obits that he’s writing and somehow comes to realize that he’ll die unless he meets his deadline.

This story was the epitome of a good premise that was sloppily executed.  Peter hates writing obits but if he doesn’t write the obits, he’ll die in the same way as the person that he’s writing about.  He has visions.  He has dreams.  Unfortunately, both his boss and his girlfriend tell him to stop working  on his current obit and to get some rest.  But if Peter stop writing, he’ll die!  Uhmm …. how long does it take to type up an obituary?  I mean, doesn’t he just have to type up whatever dead person’s loved ones sent to the paper?

There’s a clever moment where Peter deletes an old article about Freddy Krueger from the newspaper’s computer system.  The episode implies that maybe Peter’s visions are in some way Freddy’s revenge but, as was so often the case with this show, it doesn’t really do much to explore the idea.

The first story ends with Peter dead.  The episode’s second story deals with Emily (Page Hannah), a friend of Peter’s girlfriend.  Emily has been dating an older college student (Timothy Brantley) and she continually has dreams where her friends  — including Peter’s girlfriend — get mad at her for not spending more time with her.  In her dreams, her friends all die in a car accident.  At the end of the story, it turns out that Emily was just daydreaming.  Seriously, that’s the entire story.

What a terrible episode.  I usually try to be positive about even the lesser episodes but I have to admit that I’m kind of ticked off that I wasted 50 minutes watching this week’s episode of Freddy’s Nightmares.  It felt as the show’s writers didn’t even try this week.  Instead, they just came up with some weird scenes and then dismissed them by shrugging and saying, “Hey, it was all a dream.  Nothing means anything!”

This episode was just lazy.

Bonus Horror on TV: Baywatch Nights 2.12 “Frozen Out Of Time” (dir by Rick Jacobson)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight, I’ve decided to share a bonus hour of televised horror.  Tonight, we present to you an episode of Baywatch Nights that originally aired on February 9th, 1997.  In this one, two 900 year-old Vikings are causing chaos in Los Angeles!  Who can stop them?

David Hasselhoff, of course!

(You can read my review of this beautifully odd episode here.  Valhalla!)

Horror On TV: The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t (dir by Bruce Bilson)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh no!  Halloween might be canceled because people just aren’t scared of the old monsters!  Dracula (Judd Hirsch) calls all of the classic creatures to a meeting in his castle (where they all happen to be freeloading) and give them an ultimatum.  Be more scary!  It turns out to be easier said than done.

This originally aired in 1979 but, for people of a certain age, it achieved a certain immortality thanks to regular airings on the Disney Channel.  It’s a cute show.  It might seem a little bit corny today but that’s a large part of its appeal.  It’s a reminder of a more innocent time.

Warren the Werewolf, by the way, was named after Warren “Werewolves of London” Zevon.

Horror Film Review: Giant From The Unknown (dir by Richard E. Cunha)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 1958’s Giant From The Unknown, something strange is happening in a California mountain town.  Animals are being killed.  Property is being destroyed.  People are being murdered.

Sheriff Parker (Bob Steele) suspects that the murderer might be Dr. Frederick Cleveland (Morris Ankrum), mostly because Dr. Cleveland spends a lot of time in the mountains looking at fossils with his daughter, Janet (Sally Fraser).  When a younger scientist named Wayne (Ed Kemmer) shows up to help Dr. Cleveland out with his research, Sheriff Parker is even more suspicious.  Meanwhile, the local citizenry suspects that it might be a member of the local Native American community.

It turns out that everyone’s wrong!

The murderer is a formerly dead conquistador (Buddy Baer), who was brought back to life by a bolt of lightning and who is now wandering around the mountains and killing people.  The conquistador walks around in his full conquistador uniform, which is in pretty good shape when you consider the fact that he’s been dead for over two hundred years, maybe longer.

The odd thing about the conquistador is that he’s regularly described as being a giant, even though he’s clearly not.  I mean, he’s tall.  He appears like he might be 6’5.  That makes him taller than the average person but shorter than the average professional basketball player.  The filmmakers regularly attempt to shoot him from a lower angle in order to make him look taller but there’s nothing that can be done to disguise the fact that he’s just a 6’5 guy wearing what appears to be a fake beard and mustache.  If anything, he looks like the frozen-faced Burger KIng mascot.  Maybe he would stop killing people if the sheriff would just order a cheeseburger and fries.  I mean, seriously, his whole rampage could have been avoided.

The title is also incorrect about the giant being from the unknown.  He’s very obviously from Spain.  All one has to do is look at his uniform.  I think the unknown element of this film is how the conquistador has spent centuries underground without losing any skin.  For someone who has been dead for as long as this conquistador was, his hair is very clean and well-groomed.  Watching this film, it’s hard not to feel that Dr. Cleveland should have spent some time researching conquistador embalming techniques because whoever preserved the “giant” did a very good job!  Everyone should be so lucky to look that good for being dead for that long.

Giant From The Unknown attempts to do the usual thing where the monster falls for the only woman in the entire film.  (Indeed, it was hard not to notice that town’s population seemed to be 99% male.)  Unfortunately, the giant was a pretty silly monster so it was difficult to get wrapped up in his emotional journey.  There are some monsters that you feel sorry for and there are other monsters that you just wish would go away.  The giant is a monster who probably had a lot of good haircare tips and who could have probably helped out the entire town …. if only they had been willing to listen!

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 2.20 “Cramming”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, Peter White goes on trial.

Episode 2.20 “Cramming”

(Dir by Tim Matheson, originally aired on May 2nd, 1984)

Dr. Peter White finally goes on trial, charged with raping Kathy Martin and assaulting Wendy Armstrong.  For his attorney, he hires the same lawyer (Conrad Janis) who previously made the case against him at his disciplinary hearing.  The lawyer asks Kathy Martin about her own reputation at St. Eligius.  (“How many times have you had sex in the morgue?”)  Peter himself manages to pass a lie detector test.  (Sociopaths don’t have the same physical reactions to telling a lie as normal people.)  In the end, Peter is acquitted.

Shirley Daniels blames Kathy for the acquittal, saying that she should have come forward earlier.  As for Wendy, she deals with the trauma by binging and then purging.  When one of her patients miscarries after being admitted to the hospital, it’s determined that Wendy carelessly missed a heart murmur.  When Wendy argues that she’s been under pressure due to the trial, Dr. Craig points out that Wendy missed the heart murmur before the trial even started.  Wendy breaks down into tears.

I have to admit that Wendy Armstrong has never been one of my favorite characters on this show.  She’s the type of doctor who most people would dread having to deal with.  She knows all of the technical stuff but she has absolutely no idea how to relate to patients and she gets defensive whenever anyone disagrees with her.  Even if she hadn’t been attacked by Peter White, it seems like it was inevitable that she would eventually end up overlooking something with one of her patients.  That said, my heart still broke for her in this episode.  One gets the feeling that she’s one bad day away from breaking.

This episode ends with all of the residents taking their National Board exams.  The residents know that five of them will be cut from the program.  Having been acquitted, Dr. White approaches Westphall and Auschlander and announces that he doesn’t have any hard feelings towards them and he hopes that they’ll give him a fair shot.  “I’m innocent,” he lies.

Dr. Ehrlich is also nervous about his exams, cramming everything he can into his last minute study sessions.  His Aunt Cherise (Louise Lasser) comes to visit and help him deal with the end of his marraige to Roberta but Ehrlich is able to dump her off on Dr. Westphall.  After having an awkward dinner with the eccentric Cherise, Westphall realizes that he’s not ready to start dating again.

This episode left me reeling, to be honest.  The acquittal of Peter White was a gut punch.  I know he’s guilty.  Everyone in the hospital knows that he’s guilty.  But he’s acquitted.  Kathy Martin’s name is drugged through the mud.  Wendy Armstrong has gone from being determined to self-destructive.  But Peter White has not only gotten away with his crimes but he’s now apparently convinced that he can go back to being a doctor at St. Eligius.  And who knows?  He probably can.  It’s a messed up world.  It was messed up in 1984 and it’s messed up today.

Next week, we’ll find out which residents made the cut!