Today’s horror scene comes from 2004’s Shaun of the Dead.
What if the world ended and you didn’t notice?
Tag Archives: Horrorthon
A Halloween Film Review: Kong: Skull Island (dir by Jordan Vogt-Roberts)
You may have noticed that, in the title of this post, I specifically referred to Kong: Skull Island as being a Halloween film but not a horror film.
That was very much intentional on my part. Kong: Skull Island is really not a horror film. (I think you could argue that the only King Kong film that can legitimately be considered a horror film would be Peter Jackson’s version and that’s just because he tossed in a few scenes that were obviously inspired by the old Italian cannibal films.) I watched Kong: Skull Island a few months ago and I really can’t say that there was ever a moment where I was scared or even uneasy. It’s just not that type of film.
At the same time, it is a fantastically fun and entertaining monster movie, one that has a good sense of humor about its own absurdity. Halloween is not just a time to get scared. It’s also a time to have fun and, for that reason, Kong: Skull Island is a perfect movie for October. In fact, I think that it was actually a mistake for Warner Bros. to release the film in March. They should have released it during the first weekend of October. It could have provided a counterbalance to all of the depressing films that have been released this month,
Kong: Skull Island is a throwback to the gleefully absurd monster movies of the past. Just so we don’t miss that point, the film starts with a 1944 prologue before then jumping forward to 1973. (Significantly, not a single scene takes place in the 21st Century.) Samuel L. Jackson plays Lt. Col. Preston Packard, the tough, no-nonsense commander of the Sky Devils helicopter squadron. The Sky Devils are finally on the verge of leaving Vietnam but they’ve been asked to carry out on more mission. They’ve been asked to fly an expedition over a newly discovered island. The official story is that they’re going to be mapping the island but everyone knows better than to trust the government.
Kong: Skull Island is very well-cast, which is a good thing because the majority of the characters are thinly written. Among the civilians in the helicopters: Tom Hiddleston, Brie Larson, and John Goodman. Of course, they’re all playing characters but, for the most part, you’ll spend the entire movie thinking of them as being Tom Hiddleston, Brie Larson, and John Goodman. For that matter, you never think of Samuel L. Jackson as being Preston Packard. He simply is Samuel L. Jackson. When they eventually discover a castaway living on the island, it doesn’t matter that the man’s “name” is supposedly Hank Marlow. He’s played by john C. Reilly and that’s who you’ll always think of him as being. They’re all charismatic actors so you certainly don’t mind watching them but, at the same time, the film understands that the main reason we’re all here is to see the giant gorilla.
To the film’s credit, it doesn’t take long for King Kong to show up. This is not one of those films where things are dragged out in an unnecessary attempt to create suspense. (After all, the audience already knows that King Kong’s on the island.) Almost as soon as the helicopters breach the airspace over Skull Island, Kong shows up and starts knocking them out of the sky. The survivors end up stranded on different parts of the island.
Of course, it’s not just Kong that they have to worry about. In fact, from the start, the audience is smart enough to know that Kong is actually one of the good monsters. However, Skull Island is also inhabited by bad monsters, like these giant reptiles that Kong keeps having to fight.
Early on, there’s a scene in America where, in regards to the Watergate scandal, John Goodman says that Washington, D.C. is never going to be more screwed up than it is at that moment. That line pretty much epitomizes Kong: Skull Island. It’s a lark with a knowing sense of humor and it is not meant to be taken at all seriously. At it’s best, Kong: Skull Island satirizes some of the most pompous monster movies of the past. Whenever someone says something portentous, you can be sure that the film will quickly find a way to puncture the somber mood.
And it’s all terrifically entertaining. Watch, enjoy, and don’t worry too much about whether or not any of it makes sense. A trip to Skull Island is a trip worth taking.
Jedadiah Leland’s Horrific Adventures In The Internet Archive #20: Countdown to Doom (1987, Topologika Software Ltd.)
For my next adventure in the dark side of the Internet Archive, I played Countdown to Doom (1987, Topologika Software Ltd.).
Man, this game is tough!
You have just crashed your spaceship on a mysterious planet called Doom. You have 400 turns in order to find the spare parts necessary to repair your spaceship. To do that, you will have to figure out how to get out of your spaceship. Assuming you survive the escape, you will have to explore the planet and find everything that you need.
The best thing about Countdown to Doom is that it is really well-written. The descriptions are so detailed that you will feel like you are actually on the planet. The bad thing is that you only have 400 turns so if you spend too much time exploring, your ship will collapse and you will be forever trapped.
This is a challenging game because if you make one mistake, you will die. For me, the most humiliating moment was when I tried to pull the door of the spaceship and it fell on me.
Next time, I tried push door and I had better results.
Countdown to Doom is one of the best games that I’ve found in the Internet Archive. It may be difficult but it is not impossible. There is also a walkthrough but, for best results, suck it up and figure it out for yourself. It will be worth it.
4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Tommy Lee Wallace Edition!
4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films is all about letting the visuals do the talking.
This October, I am going to be using our 4 Shots From 4 Films feature to pay tribute to some of my favorite horror directors, in alphabetical order! That’s right, we’re going from Argento to Zombie in one month!
Today’s director: Tommy Lee Wallace!
4 Shots From 4 Films
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982, dir by Tommy Lee Wallace)
Fright Night Part 2 (1988, dir by Tommy Lee Wallace)
It (1990, dir by Tommy Lee Wallace)
Vampires: Los Muertos (2002, dir by Tommy Lee Wallace)
Jedadiah Leland’s Horrific Adventures In The Internet Archive #19: Shenanigans (1984, Mark Data Productions)
For my next trip through the dark side of the Internet Archive, I played Shenanigans (1984, Mark Dice Productions.)
In Shenanigans, your goal is to track down a leprechaun’s pot of gold. You really need the money. Just look at where you are living:
Everything in Shenanigans is a puzzle and that includes getting out of your apartment. Directly outside your bedroom door, your landlord is waiting. He wants the rent that you own him. I typed “hit landlord” several times but the game does not understand the hit command.
The only way to get by the landlord is to pay him. The money is in the room but it is not easy to find. Hint: look at everything more than once.
If you ever get out of the apartment, you can wander around the city. Be careful because it is surprisingly easy to die in this game. For example, you might run into muggers. If you remember to search everything, you will have an item that will save your life. If you miss something, you will die.
Assuming you survive, you will find a bar.
Make sure you order the right beer or you might die. If you do order the right beer, you can find a subway that will take you to this magical place:
Solving the puzzles in Shenanigans can be rewarding but the gameplay can sometimes be frustrating. Not only is it extremely easy to mess up but, like many games from the 80s, the game’s vocabulary is limited. I spent a lot of time playing “guess the verb.” Fortunately, there is a walkthrough available. Without it, I would have died even more times than I did.
Horror on the Lens: Samson vs. The Vampire Women (dir by Alfonso Corona Blake)
If a group of vampires are determined to ruin your night, what should you do? Well, according to the classic Mexican film Santo vs. las Mujeres Vampiro, your first move should be to call a wrestler.
What to know more? Well, you can read my full review of the film by clicking here!
And you can watch the movie below because it’s today’s horror on the lens!
3 Days Til Halloween
by JK Potter
“I do not love men: I love what devours them.”
― André Gide, Prometheus Illbound
Artwork of the Day: White Trash Zombie Apocalypse
by Don dos Santos
Horror on TV: Thriller 2.14 “Portrait Without A Face” (dir by John Newland)
For tonight’s televised horror, we have another episode of the Boris Karloff-hosted anthology series, Thriller!
In Portrait Without A Face, an arrogant painter is murdered. No one knows who murdered him but don’t worry. Just because he’s dead, that doesn’t mean the artist has to stop painting! In fact, his first post-death painting might just be a picture of the person who killed him…
A Movie A Day #292: The Bride (1985, directed by Franc Roddam)
The Bride opens where most films about Frankenstein and his monster end.
The Baron (played by fucking Sting, of all people) has agreed to create a bride for his creation, who in this movie is named Viktor and played by Clancy Brown. Jennifer Beals plays the Bride, who is named Eva. Eva looks like a normal, beautiful wielder-turned-dancer so when she first sees Viktor, she screams. Viktor gets upset and starts to trash the laboratory. “Don’t be impertinent!’ snaps the Baron’s assistant (Quentin Crisp). A fire breaks out. Quentin Crisp dies and so does another assistant played by Timothy Spall. The monster escapes. The Baron takes Eva into his household. The Baron is obsessed with controlling Eva, who wants her independence and who has fallen in love with Cary Elwes. When Eva sees a cat, she screams. “You never told me about cats,” she tells the Baron, “I thought it was a tiny lion!”
The rest of the movie is a bewildering collection of cameos from respected thespians forced to recite some of the worst dialogue in film history. Viktor befriends Rinaldo the dwarf (David Rappaport), who tells Viktor about how much he dreams of one day seeing Venice. After Rinaldo is murdered by Alexei Sayle, Viktor swears that he will go to Venice and he will take Eva with him.
(Timothy Spall, Quentin Crisp, and Alexei Sayle are not the only British performers to be strangely miscast in The Bride. Keep an eye out for Phil Daniels, Ken Campbell, and Tony Haygarth, all wasted in small roles.)
The Bride attempts to put a revisionist, feminist spin on the story of Frankenstein but it ultimately just looks like a two hour Duran Duran video, with a guest vocals provided by Sting. The scenes with Clancy Brown and David Rappaport work but otherwise, every important role is miscast. Jennifer Beals is monotonous as the Bride and Sting never comes close to suggesting that he is capable of the type of mad genius that would be necessary to create life. When it comes to the Bride of Frankenstein, stick with the original.
One final note: Both Sting and Phil Daniels also appeared in a much better film from Franc Roddam, Quadrophenia. I recommend seeing Quadrophenia almost as much as I recommend forgetting about The Bride.
