Horror on TV: The Twilight Zone 1.28 “A Nice Place To Visit”

Posted on October 16, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In this episode of The Twilight Zone, a thief is shot by the police and finds himself in the afterlife. After a life of struggle and crime, the thief finally finds himself with the opportunity to have everything that he’s ever wanted. Even if you’ve never seen this episode before, you’ll probably be able to guess the twist after a minute or two. But it’s still a pretty good episode, featuring good performances from Larry Blyden and Sebastian Cabot and an typically fun script from Charles Beaumont.

A Nice Place To Visit originally aired on April 15th, 1960.

The TSL’s Daily Horror Grindhouse: Don’t Answer The Phone (dir by Robert Hammer)

Posted on October 16, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Nicholas Worth in Don’t Answer The Phone

AGCK!

As a self-described lover of grindhouse and exploitation films, I have seen my share of truly icky films. But Don’t Answer The Phone, a 1980 mix of police procedural and serial killer horror, is in a class all by itself. It is not only exceptionally icky but it’s distressingly effective as well.

After I watched Don’t Answer The Phone, I actually checked to make sure all the doors were locked. Before I got into bed, I searched all the closets to make sure there wasn’t anyone hiding in there. And, as I fell asleep, I found myself thinking that maybe I should follow the advise of both Arleigh and my sister. Maybe it was time for me to finally get a gun of my own and learn how to use it.

Seriously, Bowman, I thought as I waited for sleep to come, you live in Texas. It’s totally legal to carry a gun down here so you need to take advantage of the law and make you’re ready to blow any pervert losers away! Even if you shot the wrong person, you’re cute. The jury would never convict…

That’s the type of effect that Don’t Answer The Phone had on me. It’s not necessarily a good film. With one notable (and important) exception, most of the acting is terrible. The film’s few attempts at intentional humor largely fall flat. Even with a running time of only 94 minutes, Don’t Answer The Phone feels overlong and full of unneeded padding. And yet, this is a very effective film. It did freak me out, largely because it was so crude and heartless. It strikes at the most primal fears of the viewer, that feeling that — even within the security of our own home — we may not truly be safe.

As Don’t Answer The Phone opens, Los Angeles is a city being stalked by a madman. That, in itself, is not surprising. Just taking a quick look at Wikipedia will reveal that Los Angeles has been home to a large number of serial killers. In fact, if there is anything shocking about Don’t Answer The Phone, it’s the suggestion that Kirk Smith (played by Nicholas Worth) is the only serial killer in town.

Who is Kirk Smith? He’s an overweight, bald photographer who always wears an army jacket and is obsessed with candles, body building, and strangulation. He also enjoys calling up a local talk show host, Dr. Linsday Gale (Flo Gerrish). (One wonders if Dr. Gale’s name was specifically meant to make the viewer think of The Wizard of Oz.) “Hello,” he says in an outrageously fake accent, “this Ramon!” He tells Dr. Gale that he has frequent headaches and bad urges. When he’s not pretending to be Ramon, Kirk can usually be found staring at himself in a mirror and yelling, “Do I measure up, Dad!?”

Kirk is killing women across Los Angeles and it looks like he might never be caught because Don’t Answer The Phone features some of the most incompetent cops ever! These are the type of cops who smirk at the victims and shoot anyone who doesn’t get on the ground fast enough. These are the type of cops who open fire and then say, “Adios, creep.” Civil liberties!? BLEH, THESE COPS DON’T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR RIGHTS! Of course, they do end up shooting and killing the only witness who can identify Kirk Smith as the murderer. Whoops!

If there’s anything that sets Don’t Answer The Phone apart from all the other serial killer films, it’s the performance of Nicholas Worth. Far more than the slick and erudite serial killers who dominate contemporary thrillers, Nicholas Worth is a frighteningly believable lunatic. He’s scary because we’ve all seen his type wandering the streets. We’ve all felt his stare linger for a few seconds too long and we’ve all had the same feeling of dread when we saw him approaching us. Reportedly, Worth did a lot of research on actual serial killers before taking on the role of Kirk Smith and his performance is terrifying because it is so real.

It’s icky to watch but, at the same time, it do serve to remind us that there are real life Kirk Smiths out there.

Agck! Seriously, it makes me shake just thinking about it.

I’m getting a gun…

Horror Film Review: Zoltan, Hound of Dracula (dir by Albert Band)

Posted on October 16, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Were you aware that Dracula owned a dog? And that dog was a vampire? And that dog’s name was Zoltan?

It’s true! Or, at least, it’s true according to a low-budget 1977 film called Zoltan, the Hound of Dracula.

Zoltan opens with a bunch of Russians unearthing an underground tomb that, we’re told, once housed Dracula. Inside the tomb, they find two coffins. One contains a man with a stake in his chest. The other contains the body of a dog that has a stake in its chest. Foolishly, the Russians remove the stakes and bring back to life both Zoltan and Veidt Smit (played by a very creepy-looking actor named Reggie Nalder, who also played the vampire in the made-for-tv adaptation of Stephen King’s Salem’s Lot). Veidt is a former servant of Dracula who can walk around in the daylight. As for Zoltan — well, he’s Dracula’s dog. His eyes glow. He has gigantic fangs. He’s a vampire dog!

It turns out that, in order to survive, Veidt and Zoltan have to find the last human descendant of Dracula and turn him into a vampire. So, Veidt and Zoltan had to Los Angeles and start to stalk family man Michael Drake (Michael Pataki). Drake (and yes, his last name was shortened from Dracula) has little knowledge of his heritage. Oddly enough, we’re told repeatedly that he’s the last member of the Dracula bloodline but he has two kids so it seems like they would actually be the last descendants of Dracula and…

Oh, who cares!? Why are we worrying about logic when it comes to reviewing a film called Zoltan, the Hound of Dracula?

Michael and his family leave Los Angeles so that they can spend the weekend at a campground and, needless to say, they are followed by Zoltan and Veidt. Soon, Zoltan is turning every other dog in California into a vampire and chasing Michael and his family.

Fortunately, a vampire hunter (played by Jose Ferrer) shows up and offers to help Michael survive. But will his help be enough?

Okay, so Zoltan, the Hound of Dracula is technically a pretty bad film. The budget is very low. Director Albert Band doesn’t really bother much with things like subtext or suspense. With the exception of the genuinely intimidating Reggie Nadler, the actors pretty much just go through the motions. But, with all that in mind — how can you not love a film called Zoltan, the Hound of Dracula? It’s fun because the film is just so ludicrous. Criticizing a film like this for being bad ultimately feels like being way too much of a scold.

Add to that, there’s a vampire puppy! And yes, he is just adorable!

I have to say that I am very disappointed that Zoltan did not make an appearance in last year’s Dracula Untold. Hopefully, any future Dracula movies will make room for Zoltan. He may have been a vampire but seriously, Zoltan was a good dog!

Horror on The Lens: Don’t Go To Sleep (dir by Richard Lang)

Posted on October 16, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For today’s horror on the lens, we present Don’t Go To Sleep!

In this TV movie from 1982, a little girl is killed in a horrific car crash. Her family blames themselves for her death and they really should. The father (Dennis Weaver) was drunk. The mother (Valerie Harper) didn’t keep her drunk husband from driving. Finally, the girl’s brother (Oliver Robins) and sister (Robin Ignico) were playing a prank on her when the car crashed. By tying her shoe laces together, they made it impossible for her to get out of the car.

However, they’re not the only ones who blame themselves. The dead girl blames them as well. When the family moves out to the country and attempts to heal, the girl’s ghost goes with them. And soon, she is encouraging her sister to kill the other members of the family.

And that’s just what happens.

Seriously, this movie took me by surprise. For a movie that made for network television in 1982, it’s a surprisingly dark film that doesn’t shy away from graphically killing off most of the cast. It’s a surprisingly effective little film and you can watch it below!

(Thank you to my wonderful cousin, Toni Posados, for recommending this film!)

Horror on TV: The Twilight Zone 1.17 “The Fever”

Posted on October 15, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For tonight’s horror on TV, we have an episode of The Twilight Zone entitled The Fever. In this one, Franklin (Everett Sloane) and his wife Flora (Vivi Janiss) visit Las Vegas. Franklin detests gambling but, once he finds himself in Vegas, he finds himself being pursued by a slot machine that, literally, calls his name.

This episode was written by Rod Serling and directed by Robert Florey. (Reportedly, Serling wrote it after losing a good deal of money in Vegas.) It originally aired on January 29th, 1960.

I like this episode. Everett Sloane, who played the beloved Mr. Bernstein in Citizen Kane, gives a great performance and the taunting slot machine starts out as slightly ludicrous but then becomes genuinely menacing as the episode reaches its conclusion.

The Daily Horror Grindhouse: Zero in and Scream (dir by Lee Frost)

Posted on October 15, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I have to admit that there’s one very simple reason why I decided to watch and review the 1970 thriller/horror/softcore/sniper mayhem film, Zero In And Scream. And that reason was that the movie is only 63 minutes long. Seriously, when you’re writing for 7 different sites while working during the day and living during the night, there are times when you simply have to say, “That 4-hour epic from the Ukraine looks like it’s a great movie but I’ve only got time for an hour-long, low-budget excursion into cinematic obscurity.”

Zero In and Scream (and that’s great title, by the way) is about Mike (Michael Stearns). Mike has really impressive hair and a deep tan. (Perhaps the scariest part of this film comes when Mike undresses and we are confronted with his pasty white tan lines.) I was going to comment on the fact that Mike also spends a good deal of the film wearing a really ugly and really wide tie but then again, this movie was made in 1970, so I guess that’s to be expected.

Mike has some issues that go beyond questionable fashion choices. He simply cannot get a girlfriend. Maybe it’s because he’s an extremely moralistic jerk who says things like, “When a man climbs on top of a woman, she becomes ugly!” Or maybe it’s because he spends almost all of his spare time holding and stroking a very phallic rifle. Whenever Mike spots a couple making love, he shoots the man and allows the woman to remain pure.

Mike spends his spare time at the local strip club where, for reasons that aren’t quite clear, one of the dancers (Dawna Rae) decides that she likes this weirdo and she invites him to come to a party at her place. The party is tres decadent in a 1970 softcore sort of way so, as you can imagine, Mike freaks out.

Will Mike be able to control his homicidal urges? Will he listen to the radio reporter who, at one point, begs the killer to turn himself in because, “It’s obvious that you’re not in control of yourself!” Or will he just continue to just wander around with his rifle while having flashbacks?

For the most part, Mike’s issues are just an excuse to get as many naked bodies on screen as possible, with a good deal of the film’s 63 minutes being taken up by a surprisingly well-shot underwater orgy scene. Zero In and Scream doesn’t really work as horror film or as a thriller but I’m still recommend it for all of my fellow history fanatics. Like many a worthy grindhouse film, Zero In and Scream is a time capsule of the era in which it was made. Until we get our hands on a time machine, films like this are as close as we will ever come to personally experiencing the 70s.

Add to that, Zero In and Scream is worth watching for its abrupt but clever final shot. It may not be a particularly good film but it has a great ending!

(In case you hadn’t already guessed, Zero In And Scream is available from Something Weird Video.)

Horror Film Review: Smile (dir by Francesco Gasperoni)

Posted on October 15, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

One of the most often repeated stories about the tribes that live along the Amazon River is that, when they first met “civilized” explorers, they refused to have their pictures taken because they feared that that the camera would steal their souls.

Now, I’m not sure if I believe that story. It sounds like one of those stories that’s just a little bit too perfect and metaphorical. But, it’s still a neat idea because, when you think about, cameras really are fascinating devices. They literally freeze time and they produce images that are full of details that you might have originally missed.

To me, a camera with supernatural powers seems like the natural subject for a horror movie. Obviously, Italian director Francesco Gasperoni agreed with me because he directed Smile, a 2009 film about a camera with supernatural powers.

Smile deals with a group of European college students who are taking a road trip through Morocco. Our eight friends are all equally attractive, equally shallow, and equally destined for a bad end. Seriously, as soon as they first appear, driving through the desert in a jeep and doing bong hits, you know that they’re all doomed.

Clarissa (Harriet McMasters-Green) is determined to photograph the entire trip but, when her camera is stolen, she’s forced to search for a replacement. Luckily, she comes across a mysterious man (played by veteran actor Armand Assante) who is willing to give her an old camera. Of course, Clarissa accepts his offer and, needless to say, the camera is like totally cursed. It turns out that Assante is a former crime scene photographer and anyone who has his or her picture taken with the camera will subsequently die…

Smile is hardly a perfect film but I enjoyed it for what it was. The characters are just shallow enough that it’s not upsetting when they all start getting killed and Gasperoni makes good use of the desolate Moroccan setting. The idea of the haunted camera is a clever one and Assante is properly menacing. While the film might occasionally be somewhat predictable and the film’s plot is pretty much dependent upon every character doing the stupidest thing possible, the film does feature an effectively mean-spirited ending.

(Again, it helps that none of the characters in the film are all that likable.)

As much as I was hoping that it would be a throw back to the classic Italian horror films of Bava, Argento, and Fulci, Smile really can’t begin to compare. That said, Smile is entertaining for what it is. At the very least, it won’t steal your soul.

Horror on the Lens: Manos: The Hands of Fate (dir by Harold P. Warren)

Posted on October 15, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I should start things off with a confession. This is actually not the first time that I’ve shared Manos: The Hands of Fate here on the Shattered Lens. I previously shared it on October 8th of 2013 and I even used the exact same picture of Torgo.

However, Manos proved to be such a popular choice that I simply had to post it again. As I pointed out two years ago, Manos has a reputation for being one of the worst films ever made. And, honestly, who am I to disagree? However, it’s also a film that is so bad that it simply has to be seen.

By the way, everyone who watches Manos ends up making fun of Torgo, who was played by John Reynolds. What they may not know is that Reynolds committed suicide shortly after filming on Manos wrapped. So, as tempting at it may be to ridicule poor Mr. Reynolds’s performance, save your barbs for Torgo and leave John Reynolds alone.

And be sure to enjoy Manos: The Hands of Fate!

Horror on TV: Baywatch Nights 2.2 “The Creature”

Posted on October 14, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For tonight’s horror on TV, we have another episode of Baywatch Nights! In this one, David Hasselhoff and friends battle a half-woman, half-fish creature named Silver Eyes! That’s right — it’s basically Killer Mermaid all over again but this time, David Hasselhoff’s involved!

And yes, it’s just as silly as you’d think. But that’s okay. Sometimes, we need a little silliness…

This episode, entitled The Creature, originally aired on October 6th, 1996.

The Daily Horror Grindhouse: The Dead Live (dir by Darrin Patterson)

Posted on October 14, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“It’s madness! Madness, I tell you!”

— Alex Travis (Emily Hughes) in The Dead Live (2006)

So, this is what it comes down to. There’s a lot of very critical things that you can say about the 2006 zombie film, The Dead Live. You can complain about the wooden acting. You can talk about the terrible special effects. You can talk about the numerous continuity errors and you can also point out that this film drags on for 120 minutes. Myself, I would complain about the repetitive heavy metal soundtrack. (What is the deal with amateur zombie filmmakers and heavy mental?) Judging from the comments over at the imdb, the number one complaint about this film is with the sound. To put it simply, it’s often time impossible to hear what anyone’s saying in The Dead Live.

But, with all that in mind, The Dead Live does feature brave journalist, Alex Travis (played by Emily Hughes), shouting, “It’s madness! Madness, I tell you!” And any movie that features “Madness, I tell you!” in the dialogue cannot be considered all bad.

Add to that, this film features a scene where an unfortunate guy gets shot in the head. However, before the trigger is pulled, the guy shouts, “NOOOOOOOOOOO!” and the action suddenly starts moving in slow motion. Even the “NOOOOOOOOOO!” is heard in slow motion. And, as I’ve said in the past, I love the slow mo of doom.

Oh! And I did I mention that, towards the end of the film, someone shouts, “STOP OR I’LL SHOOT! ARE YOU DEAD OR ALIVE!?”

And then there’s the visit to the Savini County Morgue in Romero, Ohio (that’s right — Savini County and Romero, Ohio), which turns out to be located in an office. The director plays the coroner. He also plays the sheriff, a member of a SWAT Team, and a zombie.

Before we get too snarky, I’ve read a FAQ at the imdb, one which I have a reason to suspect was written by the director himself. This was Darrin Patterson’s first movie and, assuming that he is the author of the surprisingly detailed FAQ, he admits that this film was largely a learning experience.

And, as easy as it is to criticize The Dead Live, there’s an odd sort of charm to just how thoroughly and totally inept this movie really is. I think it’s because we all secretly know that, if we ever got a chance to make a movie for only $10,000 and with no professional help whatsoever, we’d probably end up making something just as bad.

The phrase is overused but The Dead Live is literally “so bad that it’s good.” It’s a shame that the film doesn’t have a cult following. If you can appreciate Birdemic or April Rain, you can probably appreciate The Dead Live.