The first time I watched THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE was at a drive-in around 1975. I remember laughing hysterically at the film; of course, I was tripping my brains out on mescaline at the time and laughed at anything! I’ve since viewed the film several times without chemical enhancement and I’m no longer laughing. I like it a lot, it’s a scary little exploitation shocker for sure, but one thing that really irks me is a certain segment of critics who treat it as some kind of metaphor with deep meaning.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot to like here. The tension is gripping, the horror relentless, and Tobe Hooper did a terrific job working with a miniscule budget. It’s just that over the years, critics have overanalyzed the thing to death, expounding on the political and cultural ramifications of it’s themes and blah, blah, blah. Whether or not all this blathering about…
This October, I’m going to be doing something a little bit different with my contribution to 4 Shots From 4 Films. I’m going to be taking a little chronological tour of the history of horror cinema, moving from decade to decade.
Today, we complete the 90s!
4 Shots From 4 Films
I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997, dir by Jim Gillepsie)
Vampires (1998, dir by John Carpenter)
The Sixth Sense (1999, dir by M. Night Shyamalan)
The Blair Witch Project (1999, dir by Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez)
We open in rural …. Iowa? Illinois? Middlewest? We see lots of ramshackle farms and shitty halloween decorations, but that’s not all… there’s also a prison for the criminally insane. Apparently, it’s time to move Michael Myers from his basement asylum Hell to somewhere….else. MM is put in an ambulance for transport and proceeds to wake and stick his thumb through a man’s skull. I get it- MM is pissed, but why didn’t he use his thumb powers to get out of the prison basement?! Oops, I forgot to take my stupid pills….ahhhhh…. this is GENIUS!!!
We are in a suburban home and we meet Jaime who is the orphaned child of Jamie Lee Curtis AKA MM’s Niece. She is having all kinds of disturbing hallucinations of MM coming to get her. Her adoptive sister Rachel is not much help. She whines about babysitting her sister Jaime because she wants to be the latest conquest of the massively eye browed Brady.
Enter Donald Pleasance (DP). He’s all scarred up from his previous MM run-ins and limps his way to the Prison Administrator. They go back and forth: DP: MM is evil. Administrator: No, you are. DP: He’ll kill everyone. Administrator: You’ll kill everyone. DP: I’m evil. Administrator: No! MM is evi…. You got me! Phone Rings: MM has escaped.
MM has found a Diner/Gas Station who’s decor is wall to wall Abe Lincoln pictures. MM who is evil, and apparently a closeted supporter of John Wilkes Booth, kills everyone there. Donald Pleasance arrives and tries to kill MM and fails. MM steals a tow truck and drives off to Haddonfield, Illinois to purportedly kill his niece Jaime. DP is stranded and is forced to hitch rides.
Jaime is being bullied at school. Rachel picks her up to get a costume for Halloween, which you’d think would be this town’s least favorite holiday, but NOPE. They arrive at a drug store where one of the clerks is Kathleen Kinmont- the Sheriff’s daughter- who really really wants to sleep with Brady and Rachel is oblivious to this.
Rachel takes Jaime trick or treating and Brady decides to pork Kathleen Kinmont (KK) and gets totally busted when Rachel rings the bell and KK answers the door for some reason and for another some reason doesn’t have any pants on! Brady is in the background and no one seems phased that KK is without pants for 45 more minutes of the film. This cheating distracts Rachel, leaving Jaime on her own.
DP goes to the Haddonfield Sheriff and convinces him that MM has RETURNED!!! He lets the town know and a beer addled Drunken Posse forms. These men are beer fueled, shotgun toting, drunkards going on an MM hunt!!
The Drunk Posse thinks they’ve spotted MM, but they just shot up and murder a sleeping drunk guy. OOPS!
The Sheriff and DP find the police station filled with dead cops. They go outside and find Jaime and Rachel. They take the remaining police force to his house to make a last stand. This is where is gets weird…. Brady and KK are trying to pork and are interrupted by her dad the Sheriff and his deputy. KK never puts on pants even when her dad and his co-workers arrive. It could be a pants allergy. The Deputy proceeds to sit in a rocking chair…yep…a rocking chair. Huh? I was in the Army for a long time; I learned how to breach a building, hold a fixed position, and look awesome in Green, but I was never taught the Rocking Chair maneuver. Maybe, that was just for Delta Force guys.
Brady tries to board up the house a bit. KK checks on the deputy, but he’s dead. Looks like Myers did kill the DEP U TEE!!! [sung] Then, MM kills KK- She’s now pantsless forever with the angels in heaven. Jaime is upstairs with Rachel and MM goes after her. Brady tries to stop him, but MM kills him too. MM has more urge to kill than a person who had to sit through a 3 hour timeshare presentation.
The girls manage to escape: Jaime by being lowered slowly down from the roof and Rachel much more quickly by falling off the roof. They run for the school and MM pursues them. The Drunken Posse arrives and manages to not kill themselves or others for this scene only. They take the girls in the truck and drive away to safety …. or so they think!!! MM climbs up from under the truck Indiana Jones style and kills all of the Drunken Posse. Rachel takes the truck and slams on the brakes to get MM to fly off of the roof of the truck. She then runs him over. The Sheriff and some extras arrive to shoot up MM. Jaime goes to the now deceased MM and touches his corpse.
They go home and Jaime dresses up as a clown like MM did in Halloween 1 and stabs her adoptive mom to death. The End.
This is the most analysis this film has ever received or should, but it’s Halloween time. Thanks for enjoying this terrible film with me. Remember, as always, if you like my work, tell my boss Lisa Marie Bowman!!!
And now that you’ve re-read Arleigh’s review of the original Halloween, why not check out my review of the original Halloween II? This was originally published in 2012! After reading this, be sure to check back in about 90 minutes for Case’s review of Halloween 4! And then come back on Thursday for Halloween 5! (Where’s Halloween 3? It will be dealt with as soon as we finish the saga of Michael Myers…)
Last night, I watched Halloween II. No, I’m not referring to the rather disturbing Rob Zombie movie that came out in 2009. Instead, this Halloween II was the original sequel to the original Halloween. This version was written by John Carpenter and Debra Hill. It was released in 1981 and I saw it in 2012, via Cinemax.
Why Was I Watching It?
Because it’s October, of course! It’s horror month and Halloween is one of the great horror movies. Would Halloween II turn out to be another great horror movie? Well, to be honest, I figured it probably wouldn’t but I decided to watch it anyway.
What Was It About?
Halloween II picks up exactly from where the first Halloween ended. The sole surviving babysitter, Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis), is being rushed to the hospital by two paramedics, one nice (Lance Guest) and one kinda crude and pervy (Leo Rossi). …
Hi everyone! Lisa here! As Halloween approaches, now is the perfect time for us to take a look back at the infamous and trend-setting career of Michael Myers. In about 90 minutes, Case will be posting his review of Halloween 4. However, before reading that, why not re-read Arleigh’s thoughts on the one that started it all, the original Halloween! From 2010, here’s Arleigh’s review…
What better way to bring back a new daily grindhouse than the film which started the teen slasher genre. I speak of John Carpenter’s Halloween.
The film was truly a child of 1970’s independent filmmaking. With a budget of just $320,000 (even adjusting for inflation it’s still quite low) Carpenter made what’s considered one of horror’s defining films. Carpenter’s film was a smash hit when it was released in 1978. It played mostly in drive-in’s, grindhouse cinema houses before finally appearing in more mainstream venues. By then the film had become one of those must-see titles that many films both independent and mainstream try for but fail to do.
Some have commented that since Halloween was such a success in the box-office then it shouldn’t be considered grindhouse. I look at such thinking as quite narrow. Grindhouse was never synonymous with bad filmmaking. If one said the term meant…
Actually, that’s pretty good advice in general. Swamps are dangerous. They’re full of malaria-carrying flies and crocodiles and ghosts of angry Cajuns. Of course, none of those show up in the 1989 slasher film Hell High. In fact, there’s only one scene set in a swamp and that scene happens during the day.
It involves a little girl who is out in the swamp, playing with her doll and watching two teenage lovers get killed as the result of a macabre motorcycle accident. It’s a pretty disturbing sight, especially since one of the lovers ends up getting impaled and spitting blood all over the place. BLEH!
Anyway, that girl grows up to be a high school science teacher named Brooke Storm (Maureen Mooney). She’s a good teacher but she’s also extremely repressed and haunted by the image of that impaled girl spitting up blood. Unfortunately, one of her students is a sociopath named Dickens (Christopher Stryker). Dickens is the type of student who goes to football games just so he can threaten the injured players with a gigantic switchblade. Oddly, no one seems to notice Dickens standing on the sidelines, holding a gigantic knife over a helpless jock. At first I thought that this meant that Dickens was meant to be either a ghost or a figment of someone’s imagination but no, Dickens is real. I guess people are just so used to being threatened by Dickens that no one even notices anymore.
Anyway, Dickens has three friends. Queenie (Millie Prezioso) is the tough girl who bares her breasts to anyone who stops by her house. Smiler (Jason Brill) is the fat guy who is always smiling, no matter how upset he is. Smiler continually says things like, “What’s gotten into that Dickens?” and “My mamma said there’d be days like this.” And then there’s Jon-Jon (Christopher Cousins). Jon-Jon is Dickens’s newest friend. Jon-Jon’s a good kid but a little weak-willed. He’s got a crush on Queenie and Dickens seems to have a crush on him.
Anyway, Dickens and his friends decide to play a prank on Miss Storm but, in the process of doing so, they cause her to have flashbacks to that day in the swamp. And soon, Miss Storm is stalking all four of them. How dangerous is Miss Storm? Well, she’s dangerous enough that she can kill you with a number two pencil. You think Liam Neeson was a creative and relentless killing machine in Taken? He’s got nothing on Brooke Storm!
Anyway, Hell High is kind of an oddity. On the one hand, it’s pretty much a standard slasher film. On the other hand, the film has just enough strange moments to distinguish it. Yes, there’s Dickens with the knife on the football field. But there’s also Smiler with his nonstop grin. And Queenie with her relentless mood swings. And there’s the strangely 0ff-kilter dialogue, which is full of random song lyrics. And then there’s the film’s twist ending, which makes little sense but it is still satisfying in its own over the top way. Hell High is a thoroughly odd but undeniably effective 80s horror film.
A lot of the credit has to go to the film’s cast, all of whom give far better performances than the material really deserves. Maureen Mooney is both scary and sympathetic as poor Miss Storm while Christopher Cousins is likable as the somewhat weak-willed Jon-Jon. The film, however, is truly dominated by Christopher Stryker. Stryker goes all out as the crazy Dickens and it’s unfortunate that he died shortly after Hell High was released. Had he lived, he’d probably now be a Sid Haig-style character actor, popping up in indie horror movies and Quentin Tarantino films.
So, watch Hell High if you get a chance and definitely stay out of the swamp tonight!
To be honest, tonight’s episode of HBO’s Tales From The Crypt isn’t really a horror story. Instead, it’s a somewhat satiric homage to film noir. But I’m going to share it anyway. Halloween is about more than just ghouls and ghosts and goblins, right?
You, Murderer is an experiment that doesn’t quite work but is interesting all the same. This episode is basically one long POV shot. Whenever our protagonist sees his reflection, we see Humphrey Bogart staring back at us. Actual footage of Bogart was used in the show. Sometimes it work, sometimes it just looks strange. But it’s always interesting!
This episode originally aired on January 25th, 1995. Enjoy!
Here! Watch the trailer for the 1983 slasher film, Mortuary!
(It’s the first trailer shown in the video below. Be sure to stick around for the Humongous trailer.)
OH MY GOD! That sure was scary, wasn’t it!? In case you didn’t recognize him, that was beloved horror character actor Michael Berryman getting dragged into that grave. No matter how bad the film was (or is), Michael Berryman was one of those actors who was always worth watching. Based on the trailer, Mortuary has got to be some sort of classic, right?
Well…no.
The trailer’s a classic but, unfortunately, it has nothing to do with the film. This isn’t just a case of scenes from the film being edited into the trailer in such a way that the audience is misled as to what’s actually going on in the movie. Almost all trailers do that…
No, the trailer for Mortuary contains literally no scenes from the actual film. Michael Berryman isn’t even in Mortuary!
But you know who is in the film?
BILL PAXTON!
That’s right … a very young Bill Paxton made his film debut in Mortuary. Even better, he got to play the killer! Now, I know you probably think that I just spoiled the film for you but seriously, Paxton is so obviously the murderer that it doesn’t really count as a spoiler. Paxton plays Paul Andrews, the teenage son of mortician, Hank Andrews (Christopher George). Everyone agrees that Paul is a little bit weird. Or, as someone says in the film, “Paul’s been so strange since his mother committed suicide.” Someone else agrees and then adds that it probably doesn’t help that apparently, Hank used to force Paul to sleep in the mortuary.
In the role of Paul, Paxton gives a very odd performance. I wouldn’t necessarily say that it’s a good performance and, if I ever meet Bill Paxton, I’m not going to bring this movie up. But seriously, Paxton’s performance is so weird that you can’t stop watching him. There’s a scene where he literally skips through a cemetery. He seems to be having fun and good for him!
Paul is a little obsessed with Christie (Mary Beth McDonough). Christie has been having issues since her father’s mysterious drowning. Everyone keeps telling Christie that her father just had an accident in the pool but the audience knows — via the first scene in the film — that her father was only in that pool because someone hit him with a baseball bat. Ever since her father’s death, Christie has been sleep walking and having night terrors. She demands that her boyfriend, Greg (David Wallace), help her find out what really happened to her father.
Greg, however, is still trying to figure out what happened to his best friend, Josh (Denis Mendel). Earlier, Greg and Josh broke into the mortuary so that they could steal a tire. Josh went off on his own and ended up getting stabbed to death with an embalming pipe. Greg never noticed because he was busy spying on what was apparently a black magic ceremony involving Hank and a coven of witches.
And one of the witches was … Christie’s mother, Eve (Lynda Day George)!
When Eve isn’t busy practicing the dark arts, she’s telling her daughter that she needs to get over her father’s death. Is Eve trying to drive Christie crazy? Does Hank know that Paul is homicidal? Will Greg ever figure out that Josh is dead?
And most importantly — will this film feature any disco roller skating!?
YOU BET IT DOES!
I’m probably making Mortuary sound more fun that it actually is. It’s actually a fairly slow-moving slasher film and neither Greg nor Christie are particularly interesting or likable. Still, the film features Bill Paxton skipping in a cemetery and that’s worth something.
If you’re willing to look, you can find Mortuary on YouTube, though I’ve been told that the version that was uploaded was the television version so some things have been cut out.
This October, I’m going to be doing something a little bit different with my contribution to 4 Shots From 4 Films. I’m going to be taking a little chronological tour of the history of horror cinema, moving from decade to decade.
Today, we continue the 90s!
4 Shots From 4 Films
Dellamorte Dellamore (1994, dir by Michele Soavi)
In the Mouth of Madness (1994, dir by John Carpenter)
Scream (1996, dir by Wes Craven)
From Dusk Till Dawn (1996. dir by Robert Rodriguez)
Through the Shattered Lens 