Lifetime Film Review: My Wife’s Secret Life (dir by Jason Bourque)

Posted on November 14, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, let’s say that your husband has cheated on you.

Now, obviously, the easiest thing to say is that you should just dump his ass but reality is always a bit more complicated. The fact of the matter is that you’ve got two kids with him. You two share a big suburban home. He’s got a successful career as an attorney. You’ve got a successful career of your own. And he says that he’s sorry. He says that he’ll never stray again. Even if you’re not sure that you’ll ever be able to trust him again, you do love him. So, you say that you forgive him. You say that you’re giving him a second chance. But the doubt and the pain still lingers.

What do you do?

How about having a one night stand with a near-stranger?

That’s what Laurel Briggs (Kate Villanova) does at the beginning of My Wife’s Secret Life. She’s at a business conference. Oddly, the hotel somehow screwed up her reservation and, as a result, she’s been separated from her colleagues. She meets a handsome and charming man (Matthew McCaull). One thing leads to another and Laurel ends up spending the night with this man. (If you’re wondering why I’m not telling you the man’s name, that’s because he uses several over the course of the film). That morning, when she leaves his hotel room, she makes it clear that she doesn’t want to see him again. Laurel just wants to return home to her husband, James (Jason Cermak), and move on with her life.

Of course, this is a Lifetime movie so it’s not going to be that simple. At first, Laurel’s one night stand doesn’t seem like he’s capable of taking the hint. He’s the type of guy who shows up at your office unannounced and tries to guilt you into spending the day with him. Then, eventually, he become the type of stalker who breaks into houses and leaves behind roses and poems by Lord Byron. Soon, he’s not only stalking Laurel but he’s also pursuing a relationship with Laurel’s sister (Marnie Mahannah).

It turns out that our Lord Byron-obsessed stalker is more than just the typical type of obsessive who regularly shows up in Lifetime movies. He’s got his own reasons for specifically targeting Laurel and her husband and it turns out that he’ll stop at nothing to accomplish his sinister goals….

Sounds pretty melodramatic, right? Well, I supposed it is but that’s kind of the point. I mean, that’s why we watch Lifetime films. We watch them for the infidelity and the dangerous men who have secrets and the women who make one mistake and then have to spend the entire movie dealing with the consequences. Enjoying a Lifetime film is all about embracing the melodrama and this is a film that cries out for a hug. This is a film that celebrates everything that we love about Lifetime. Director Jason Bourque keeps the action moving at an enjoyably quick pace and he’s aided by a cast who keeps the action grounded in reality. Villanova and Cermak have exactly the right chemistry to be believable as a couple struggling to keep their marriage alive and Matthew McCaull is a wonderfully magnetic force of chaos and destruction. It’s an enjoyable film and, since it’s a Lifetime film, it will probably be aired multiple times between now and 2021. So, keep an eye out for it!

Lifetime Film Review: Amish Abduction (dir by Ali Liebert)

Posted on November 13, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Amish Abduction tells the story of Annie (Sara Canning) and Jacob (Steve Byers).

As you may have guessed from the title (and the trailer, if you watched it), Annie and Jacob are Amish. They live in a simple home. They dress modestly. They ride around in a buggy. Annie talks about how little she trusts “the English.” They spend a lot of time working in the fields. They appaear to be about as Amish as Amish can be. However, it quickly becomes obvious that Jacob has grown disillusioned with Amish life. He wants to leave the community and live with the English. He’s even purchased a phone! “Look at everything that it can do!” he says in amazement as he stares down at the screen in his palm. He tries to give Annie a phone as well but Annie has no use for it. Not yet, anyways….

However, it turns out that Jacob is not merely suffering from a second Rumspringa. Jacob’s gotten into some serious trouble. He’s been buying whiskey from one of the English, a redneck who likes to wander around in the Pennsylvania wilderness. When the redneck starts acting like a jackass, Jacob kills him. When the police show up at the village and start asking questions, the Amish keep quiet. They want nothing to do with the outside world.

One morning, Annie wakes up and discovers that Jacob has left during the night. He’s abandoned his culture, his religion, and his wife. However, Jacob has taken their son with him. Jacob is willing to go to court and demand custody. Annie will have to leave the village and enter the world of the English in order to save her son from his increasingly demented father.

Ah, the Amish. I have actually lost track of the number of movies that I’ve seen about the Amish. Films about the Amish always emphasize the idea that the Amish are simple people who reject modern technology and still live the way that their ancestors lived back in the very distant past. Inevitably, these movies always have at least one scene where an Amish person is amazed by a television or a radio or a phone.

Of course, the truth is far more complicated. There’s a fascinating documentary called Devil’s Playground, that follows several Amish teens as they go through Rumspringa, which is a time when they can take part in the modern world and decide for themselves whether or not to be baptized into the Amish church or to leave the community. As that documentary demonstrated, just because the Amish don’t take part in much of modern society, that doesn’t mean that they’re ignorant of it. Unfortunately, most films take a far more simplistic (and rather condescending) approach to portraying the Amish.

That said, Amish Abduction is one of the better “Amish” films that I’ve seen recently. That doesn’t necessarily mean that its a 100% accurate but it does mean that, at the very least, it treats its characters as something more than just outsiders to be gawked at. Sara Canning, in particular, gives a good and heartfelt performance as Annie and the film presents her character and her concerns in a fair and even-handed manner. She was particularly strong during one scene in which Annie has a nightmare about what it would like to become one of the English. Amish Abduction may be about the Amish but it’s also about a woman trying to protect the most important thing in her life and who can’t relate to that?

The Tokoloshe: Movie Preview, Review and Trailer

Posted on November 10, 2019 by paddiesthoughts

Poster tokoloshe

Technicals:

Director: Jerome Pikwane

Writers: Richard Kunzmann and Jerome Pikwane,

Stars: Petronella Tshuma, Kwande Nkosi, and Dawid Minnaar,

Preview:

Busi, a young destitute woman with dangerously repressed emotions, lands a job as a cleaner at a rundown hospital in the heart of Johannesburg. Desperate for the money so she can bring her younger sister to Johannesburg, she must cope despite the predatory and corrupt hospital manager. When Busi discovers an abandoned young girl in the hospital, who believes she is tormented by a supernatural force, Busi must face her own demons from her past in order to save the child from the abusive monster that pursues them both relentlessly.

Review:

Between some of the other horror movies I have watched recently, and this one, South Africa is becoming a haven for independent horror movies (and I meant that in a good way). With mind f**kery and subtle scare tactics, this is one of the best horror movies I have seen this year! There is a good bit of subtitles in this movie, but, they never distract from the movie itself.

Would I Recommend The Tokoloshe?

Absolutely! As soon as you can spend your Bitcoins, Amazon coins, or any other coins you have and watch this movie!

Where can you see it?

The Tokoloshe will be distributed on all video platforms by Uncork’d Entertainment with Evolutionary Films on December 3rd.

Wait, What if I can’t wait that long to see it?

Well, you’ll have to. But, until then here is the trailer!

Here’s The Trailer For The Invisible Man

Posted on November 9, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Sorry, everyone! I’ve been so busy this week that I’m a little bit late in sharing this trailer. All apologies!

Without any further delay, here’s the trailer for The Invisible Man, which features Elisabeth Moss being menaced by her abusive ex! It appears that, having faked his own death, he is using a formula designed by Moss to torment her without being seen! Seriously, he couldn’t even come up with his own invisibility formula? What a jerk!

This comes out on February 28th so, if you have a bad Valentine’s Day next year, just remember that you have this to look forward to!

Here’s the trailer!

Film Review: Kindred Spirits (dir by Lucky McKee)

Posted on November 6, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Kindred Spirits tells the story of two sisters.

Chloe (Thora Birch) is the older sister. She’s the one who literally raised her younger sister, Sadie (Caitlin Stasey). At one point, in the film, Sadie even says that she thinks of Chloe as being her mom. Chloe got pregnant when she was 17 and had a daughter named Nicole (Sasha Frolova). Just as Sadie considers Chloe to be her mom, she also grew up considering Nicole to be more of a little sister than a niece. Once, Sadie even saved a very young Nicole from getting run over by a car. That’s what a good sister does.

Eventually, Sadie left home. When Kindred Spirits begins, it’s been a while since anyone has heard from Sadie. As for Chloe, it’s been a struggle but she’s built a good home and good life for herself and her daughter. However, Nicole has now reached her own rebellious stage and Chloe’s clumsy attempts to warn her about “making the same mistakes I did” do not make things any less awkward between them. Chloe has stated as secret relationship with her neighbor, Alex (Blue Ruin‘s Macon Blair) but she doesn’t know how Nicole will react.

And I’m sure that many people would dismiss Nicole as just being a ungrateful brat or Chloe as just being an overly protective mother but both Sasha Frolova and Thora Birch do a very good job of bringing some unexpected shading to their roles. The details of Nicole and Chloe’s relationship ring true, everything from the awkward conversations to the rare moments of open closeness.

Suddenly, Sadie shows back up! Both Chloe and Nicole are happy to see her and, when Sadie says that she needs a place to say, they of course invite her to live with them. At first, everything’s perfect but soon, Sadie is showing some signs of instability. She wants to be Chloe’s daughter but, at the same time, she wants to be Nicole’s best friend. She starts dressing like Nicole and even sneaks off to a high school party where she’s thrilled to discover that everyone thinks that she’s still a teenager. Nicole starts to suspect that something might be off about Sadie. Meanwhile, Sadie is busy murdering people. Throats will be slit. Dollhouse furniture will be driven into foreheads. Blood will be spilled.

In fact, quite a lot of blood will be spilled. Though this film aired on the Lifetime Movie Network towards the end of October and it’s plot certainly sounds Lifetime-y, Kindred Spirits only ended up on LMN after traveling the film festival circuit. As such, it’s a bit more graphic than the usual Lifetime film, with close-ups of wounds and plenty of language that ended up getting awkwardly silenced during the film’s airing. The ending is also considerably darker than the average Lifetime film.

I liked Kindred Spirits. The story may be predictable but Lucky McKee directs with a lot energy and brings a lot of atmosphere to the film. Best of all, Birch, Frolova, and especially Stasey all give excellent performances. It’s nice to see a film with not just one but three strong female roles. It’s a pity that a few good people end up dying but …. well, that’s family.

Here’s The Enigmatic First Trailer For Christopher Nolan’s Next Film, Tenet!

Posted on November 5, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Out of nowhere tonight, we suddenly got the first trailer for Christopher Nolan’s next film. Tenet is a project that has been shrouded in secrecy. All we know for sure is that it’s an espionage epic of some sort and that it stars John David Washington and Robert Pattinson.

And now, we have a trailer, which features Washington doing …. stuff. It’s hard to say what he’s doing, of course. It’s an enigmatic teaser, which shouldn’t come as a surprise since this is a Nolan production.

Great music, though.

Here’s the trailer:

Lifetime Film Review: Sleeping With My Student (dir by Tom Shell)

Posted on November 5, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, here you are.

You’re middle-aged. You’ve just split up with your adulterous husband. Your teenage daughter is upset because she’s about to start at a new school. Even worse, you’ve just been hired to be the new principal at that school. It’s the summer. You’re at a conference. This is your last chance to enjoy yourself before a new school year begins.

You’re at the hotel pool. Suddenly, a handsome man who is quite a bit younger than you jumps into the pool and, after briefly fooling you into thinking that he’s drowned, he starts up a conversation with you. He’s charming in a simple way. He says that you were sexy when you were concerned that he might be dead. He invites you back to his room and you know exactly why.

Do you go with him?

That’s the decision that Kathy (Gina Holden) is faced with at the start of the Lifetime film, Sleeping With My Student. What does she do when she’s given the opportunity to have one night of passion with Ian (Mitchell Hoog)? Well, your answer is right there in the first half of the film’s title. And, as you can probably guess from the second half of title, Ian eventually turns up as a student at Kathy’s school! Even worse, Ian has a reputation for being a bad boy and a trouble maker and soon, he’s dating Kathy’s daughter, Bree (Jessica Belkin)!

Of course, it all turns out to be about more than just one night stands and bad disciplinary histories. It turns out that it wasn’t a coincidence that Ian showed up at the hotel and jumped into the pool at the same moment that Kathy just happened to be there. It also wasn’t a coincidence that Ian just happened to end up getting transferred to Kathy’s new school. It’s all a part of a massive scheme that Ian has cooked up in order to get vengeance for something that happened in the past. I mean, seriously, no one should be surprised. There are no coincidences when it comes to Lifetime.

Speaking as someone who has seen a few hundred Lifetime films over the past few years, I enjoyed Sleeping With My Student. Gina Holde, Mitchell Hoog, and Jessica Belkin were all well-cast in their rules and the great Gerald Webb showed up as Officer Compton, the school security officer who first explains that Ian is bad news. Yes, the plot was a bit predictable but that’s honestly a part of the film’s appeal. You don’t necessarily watch a Lifetime film because you want to see something unexpected. Instead, the appeal of these films is to be found in their very predictability. There’s something comforting in knowing that, on Lifetime, no one night stand will turn out to be just a one night stand and that the film’s villain will always do something particularly evil at the halfway mark. The best Lifetime films are cinematic comfort food. They give you exactly what you want and they don’t demand much in return and we’re all the better for it!

Lifetime Film Review: Victoria Gotti: My Father’s Daughter (dir by Catherine Cyran)

Posted on November 4, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I have to admit that, for some reason, I’ve always had a weakness of Mafia movies.

For whatever reason, I just find them to be fascinating, as well as terrifically entertaining. And when I say that I love mafia movies, I’m not just talking about the ones that everyone else loves, either. I mean, sure, I love The Godfather films and Goodfellas and all of that. I can’t wait for the Sopranos prequel to come out next year and I’m eagerly counting down the days until The Irishman drops on Netflix. However, I also love the Mafia movies that everyone else seems to hate. Some day, I’m going to get around to writing a stirring defense of Gotti. Just you wait!

I’m half-Irish and fourth-Italian. As far as I know, I don’t have any relatives involved with organized crime and, to be honest, I should probably be offended by all of the Mafia stereotypes that I’m exposed too whenever I turn on the television. But, I have to be honest. If my father had been in the Mafia, I totally would have used it to my advantage. I would have been like, “You think you’re some sort of big shot, like Frankie Valli or somebody? Do you know who my faddah is? You want me to call him down here right now?”

The Lifetime film Victoria Gotti: My Father’s Daughter is all about being the daughter of a very powerful man. Victoria Gotti herself even narrates the film and appears in cut-away scenes to discuss what it was like to grow up as the daughter of notorious mob boss, John Gotti. At the same time, Chelsea Frei plays Victoria in dramatized scenes, showing her talking to her father (Maurice Benard) and dealing with her good-for-nothing husband, Carmine (Elijah Silva). Because the film is told entirely from Victoria’s point of view, we only see John Gotti through her eyes. In this film, John Gotti is a loving father who is often away from his wife and daughters because he’s either in jail or hiding out from the authorities. He’s fond of saying stuff like, “Nothing’s more important than family.” Despite the fact that Maurice Benard gives a convincing performance as Gotti, you’re never quite sure what’s actually going on in his head. Is he a ruthless murderer or is he just a blue collar guy looking out for his family? The film isn’t sure but then again, Victoria seems to be unsure as well. Undoubtedly, someone like John Gotti had to keep a lot of himself hidden away from even those closest to him.

Because of the film’s Victoria-centric structure, we don’t actually get to see any of the standard mafia action. We hear about people getting taken out by the mob but we don’t actually see any of it happen. Those hoping for a big mafia epic will undoubtedly be disappointed. (The film is nearly over before John Gotti even takes over the Gambino Family.) Instead, the film focuses on Victoria dealing with people judging her because of who her father is and her subsequent marriage to the worthless Carmine. To be absolutely honest, there’s really not much going on in the movie, as most of the major action occurs off-screen. However, Chelsea Frei gives a good performance as Victoria and the film occasionally does a good job of contrasting Gotti family life with Gotti crime life. It’s not a classic mob film but it does provide just enough Cosa Nostra swagger to keep the viewer occupied until the release of The Irishman.

Film Review: The King (dir by David Michod)

Posted on November 3, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Imagine a version of Shakespeare’s Henry V where Prince Hal is a lot less regal but a lot more whiny. Also imagine a version where Falstaff is never publicly rejected by Henry but instead becomes one of his leading generals. Furthermore, imagine that Robert Pattinson shows ups and does his best imitation of the obnoxious Frenchmen from Monty Python and The Holy Grail. Also, finally, imagine a film that’s based on three of Shakespeare’s most popular plays but which does’t include any lines from those plays. Imagine all of that and you’ve got The King.

Yes, The King is an odd film indeed. It’s also a very long film. You might expect that from a film based on three Shakespearean plays but, then again, since the film actually doesn’t feature any of Shakespeare’s celebrated language, you have to kind of wonder if it can actually claim to be a Shakespearean adaptation. For instance, if I made a film about a sullen prince named Hamlet but totally leave out “To be or not to be” or the part where he sees his father’s ghost, am I truly adapting Shakespeare or am I just making a film about a guy named Hamlet? Interestingly enough, while The King isn’t faithful to Shakespeare, it’s also not faithful to actual historical records. It’s not Shakespeare and, despite using the name of actual kings and nobles from the 15th Century, it’s not really historical. It could just as easily be about King Kevin and his struggle to lead the Land of Homily to victory over Possum Kingdom. It’s hard to really understand what the point of this film is.

Timothee Chalamet plays Prince Hal, who will eventually become King Henry V. Considering just how acclaimed Chalamet’s previous work has been (including receiving an Oscar nomination for Call Me By Your Name and probably coming close to getting a second one for Beautiful Boy as well), it’s a bit strange just how dull Chalamet is in this film. As played by Chalamet, the future King of England is alternatively petulant and whiny. He’s not happy about becoming king. He’s even less happy about having to behead those who have been accused of conspiring against him. He hopes to avoid war, even after the King of France taunts him by giving him a ball as an coronation present. Chalamet wanders through the film with an eternally glum expression on his face. When he has to rally the troops, he is unpleasantly shrill in a way that will remind viewers of one of Leonardo DiCaprio’s lesser performances.

Joel Edgerton, who also co-wrote the script, is a bit more convincing in the role of Falstaff. Instead of the cowardly (but wise) buffoon who appeared in Shakespeare’s plays, The King portrays Falstaff as being a great warrior who merely likes to drink too much. This, of course, means that Hal doesn’t have to publicly rebuke Falstaff or any of his friends but it also makes Falstaff a bit of a pointless character. In Shakespeare’s plays, both the rebuke of Falstaff and the subsequent hanging of Bardolph were meant to show that the once irresponsible Hal was now placing his role of king above all else. By removing that aspect of the tale, The King also removes the entire heart of the narrative. That said, Edgerton is at least convincing as a warrior.

As usually happens when it comes to British historical epics, the film leads up to an eventual battle between the British and the French. Robert Pattinson plays The Dauphin and gives one of the most brilliantly strange performances of 2019. Wearing a blonde wig and speaking in an exaggerated French accent, Pattison gets all of the dirtiest lines and he has fun with them. (“You have zee big balls,” The Dauphin says at one point, “and zee little cock!”) In fact, Robert Pattinson seems to be the only person in the film having any fun whatsoever. Chalamet looks miserable. Edgerton comes across like a professional. But Pattinson appears to be having the time of his life and you’re happy to see him if just because he provides a (too brief) respite from the film’s otherwise dour atmosphere.

As I said, The King is a strange film. I’m not really sure what the point of it was. The battle scenes are effectively bloody and the sets are all convincingly 15th century. But otherwise, this movie is too pointless and too long. Just because it’s about the 100 Years War doesn’t mean that film has to feel like a 100 hours.

What Lisa Watched This Morning #204: Your Family Or Your Life (a.k.a. April’s Flowers) (dir by Tom Shell)

Posted on November 2, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The morning, I watched the latest Lifetime Movie Network premiere, Your Family Or Your Life!

Why Was I Watching It?

Your Family or Your Life premiered last night on the Lifetime Movie Network but, because it was All Saints’ Day, I spent yesterday with my sisters, singing Shakira songs, not watching anything on television, and basically staying completely offline. However, I did set the DVR because a non-Christmas related Lifetime premiere is going to be a rarity from now through December.

When I got home this morning, I promptly watched Your Family Or Your Life.

What Was It About?

David Meyer (Alexander Carroll) is a former alcoholic who is now a successful attorney. His work has led him to discover some illegal shenanigans concerning Erica Hearns (Angelica Bridges). Hoping to say out of prison, Erica sends Ed (Eric Michael Cole), the world’s most incompetent hitman, to kill David. Ed manages to make David’s death look like a suicide but David’s widow, Kathy (Jennie Garth) is not convinced. For that matter, neither is David’s stepdaughter, April (Luca Bella). Kathy’s best friend, Michelle (Alexandra LeMosle) has some suspicions as well! Like I said, Ed’s not very good at this.

So now, Ed and Erica have to figure out a way to silence all of the people who don’t think that David committed suicide. Fortunately, for them, they’ve got an inside player. Little does April suspect that her boyfriend, Damon (David Gridely), is actually one of Erica’s relatives!

What Worked?

Jennie Garth is just the greatest! Depending on how old you are, you either know her primarily from Beverly Hills 90210 or What I Like About You. This film had a 90210-style plot with a What I Like About You attitude and it was fun to watch Garth do things like beat up a burglar with a baseball bat. Garth brought a lot of energy to her roll.

Angelica Bridges was entertaining as the villain. Her frustration with Ed was wonderfully performed. When she realized that Ed had basically screwed up a very simple murder, I think anyone who has ever been a supervisor could relate to her frustration.

The mother-daughter relationship between Kathy and April felt very realistic, especially when it came to Kathy’s immediate dislike of Damon. That might be because Luca Bella actually is Jennie Garth’s daughter.

What Did Not Work?

I regret that the film made it clear, from the start, that David had been murdered. I would have preferred a more ambiguous approach, one that left you wondering if David actually had been murdered or if maybe Kathy really was just seeing what she wanted to see.

I also regret that the film did NOT feature the following dialogue:

“Your family or your life!”

“I’m thinking about it!”

“Oh my God! Just Like Me!” Moments

I also keep a baseball bat near my bedroom door, just in case I ever have to use it. I don’t think I could wield it as decisively as Jennie Garth does, though.

Lessons Learned

If you’re going to hire a hitman, spend a little extra and get one who is actually good at his job. Otherwise, things just get too complicated.