The 1992 film, Project Shadowchaser, takes place in the near future.  It’s a time when cyborgs are a common sight and criminals are frozen and sent to a cryogenic prison.  At the same time, it’s close enough to the present that the FBI is still America’s main law enforcement agency and the President is still a powerful enough figure that terrorists would want to abduct his daughter.  It’s also close enough to the present that terrorists are still learning how to do their job from watching Die Hard.

Romulus (Frank Zagarino) is a cyborg who takes a hospital hostage, all to track down the president’s daughter, Sarah (Meg Foster).  The FBI feels that only the hospital’s architect, Mr. Dixon, can figure out the best way for the FBI’s strike force to enter the hospital.  Unfortunately, Mr. Dixon broke the law and has been put on deep freeze.  When the stoner who runs the cryogenic prison is told to thaw out Mr. Dixon, he screws up and accidentally unfreezes DeSilva (Martin Kove), a former football quarterback.

Knowing a good thing when he sees it, DeSilva pretends to be Dixon but, once he and the strike force enter the building, it become apparent that DeSilva/Dixon has no idea what he’s talking about.  All of the members of the strike force are killed when an elevator explodes.  Only DeSilva survives and now, whether he wants to or not, he’s going to have to battle the terrorists and save the President’s daughter!  It’s a good thing that she’s a football fan.

What a dumb movie this turned out to be!  Seriously, you can add all of the sci-fi elements to your Die Hard rip-off that you want to, a Die Hard rip-off is still a Die Hard rip-off and it’s hard to think of any other film (with the possible exception of No Contest) that so slavishly follows the Die Hard formula.  There’s nothing particularly surprising to be found in Project Shadowchaser.  The minute that Kinderman (Joss Ackland) shows up and declares that he’s taking over the operation from FBI agent Trevanian (Paul Koslo), it’s obvious that he’s going to turn out to be the one behind Romulus’s actions.  And from the minute that DeSilva meets Sarah, it’s obvious that they’re destined to fall in love.

I like Martin Kove on Cobra Kai and Kove brings a similar self-awareness to his role as DeSilva.  At times, Kove appears to almost be winking at the audience, as if he’s saying, “Hey, I can’t believe I’m in this movie either.  What are you going to do?”  Unfortunately, Kove often seems to be the only person in the film who is really in on the joke.  Needless to say, Project Shadowchaser is no Cobra Kai.

That said, I did appreciate the fact that the film’s entire plot hinged on a government employee accidentally unfreezing the wrong guy.  As a portrait of bureaucratic incompetence, Project Shadowchaser works perfectly.  I mean, let’s be honest.  If there ever was a cryogenic prison, the wrong people would probably be getting unfrozen all the time.  No one’s going to keep track of who is in which pod.