Good Morning! It’s Thursday and we all know what that means. The weekend is approaching and that means that all the usual temptations of the weekend are approaching as well. These temptations include drinking, smoking, dancing, premarital sex, prostitution, and near incest.
These are the temptations that are dealt with in the 1934 film The Road To Ruin.
Do you have an hour to spare?
If so, consider watching this film (a personal favorite of mine) and learning from the mistakes of Ann Dixon…
Here’s a few interesting facts about The Road To Ruin:
The Road To Ruin is a prototypical example of the first independent films. Films like this one dealt with “social problems.” Typically, they would be about an “innocent” who would be led astray for 55 minutes before spending the last 10 minutes of the film either repenting or suffering the consequences of their actions.
Since these films were shot outside of the Hollywood establishment, they were also “free” to show things that studio films wouldn’t even hint at. By today’s standards they may seem “tame” but for the 1930s, they were considered to be quite scandalous.
This film is an almost shot-for-shot remake of a silent film that was also called The Road To Ruin. The first Road to Ruin was the top-grossing film of 1928 and was directed by Norton Parker. Helen Foster played the lead role in both versions of the film.
According to the opening credits of the 1934 Road to Ruin, the remake was directed by Melville Shyer and “Mrs. Wallace Reid.” Mrs. Wallace Reid was actually Dorothy Davenport, a former silent film starlet. After her husband — the actor Wallace Reid — died of a drug overdose in 1923, Davenport directed several “social problem” films as Mrs. Wallace Reid.
Despite the fact that this film is, technically, quite primitive, I love it for several reasons. The historian side of me loves that the film basically serves as a time capsule, preserving the society and the attitudes that produced it.
The film lover in me loves just how melodramatic this film is. Seriously, I love how smoking cigarettes and sneaking a drink always serve to pave the road to Hell in films like this one. It’s interesting to contrast a film like this with modern-day anti-drug propaganda.
Finally, as a lover of exploitation films both new and old, I love how this film shows off everything that it’s claiming to condemn.
Having proven yesterday how little I know about all things vampire with my review of Abraham Lincoln : Vampire Hunter, I figured I’d take a crack at another mythic genre, namely the fairy tale — or “folklore,” if you prefer — today. Why stop when you’re on a roll, right?
To be honest, though, I guess what we’re here to talk about isn’t even “folklore” per se so much as the modern interpretation of a very popular piece of folklore indeed, since the film under our microscope this evening is first-time director Rupert Sanders’ Snow White And The Huntsman, the second “reimagining” of the Snow White legend to hit the screens this year following hot on the heels of Mirror, Mirror, and definitely the decidedly more “mature” of the two.
There were, frankly, a lot of reasons to be skeptical about this movie going in — Kristen Stewart sure isn’t my idea of perfect casting in the lead, for one thing — but on the whole, I actually walked out of this one pleasantly surprised. Not blown away, by any means — hell, not even bowled over — but it visually arresting enough and well-paced enough to sustain my interest throughout, even though the idea of Snow White as some kind of bad-ass warrior queen seems absurd to a guy like me who basically only knows the Disney version, and remembers it very faintly at that.
Sanders, who I understand got his start in music videos, definitely brings the kind of “these folks have a short attention span, so let’s not let up on the gas” attitude you’d expect from somebody fresh out of that milieu, and while he doesn’t really seem to be much of an actor’s director — Charlize Theron in given free reign to ham it up to the hilt with her interpretation of the evil Queen Ravenna, Chris Hemsworth is essentially just reprising his Thor role as the co-titular Hunstman, and Stewart does what she does “best,” namely look completely lost but somehow project an attitude that we’re supposed to think that’s “sexy,” and that we’re damn lucky she even inhabits the same planet as us mere mortals, as Snow White herself — but when he’s laying out a visual feast this scrumptious, I can live with a few of the ingredients being a bit sour and/or stale.
And what a feast it is! Yeah, there’s definitely a lot of liberal borrowing from the Tim Burton playbook going on here, particularly with little tricks like superimposing the heads of the likes of Bob Hoskins and Ian McShane onto CGI dwarves’ bodies, but Sanders’ overall vision of the fantastic is considerably less color-saturated and joyful than Burton’s, and frankly a little edgier. When Burton goes “dark” or “morbid” he does so with his tongue firmly planted in his cheek, while Sanders really seems to mean it — this shit is supposed be more than just a little bit intimidating.
In that sense, he’s probably closer to the original intent of the Brothers Grimm and their contemporaries than he may even have consciously been aiming for, since “fairy tales” weren’t just designed to keep the young’uns of years gone by entertained, but to scare the shit out of them by illustrating the consequences of what would happen if they didn’t do as they were told, as well. There’s irony, I suppose, in the fact that this film, clearly billed as an “adult” take on the Snow White legend, actually ends up being closer, in tone and spirit, to the original than the decidedly more “family-friendly” Mirror, Mirror, but it’s the kind of irony I can certainly get behind, especially when the end result, while ultimately as disposable as most any other summer blockbuster fare (notice how pretty much all my praise here is aimed solely at the film’s visual sensibility and nothing else — there’s good reason for that, as the story is essentially exactly the kind of hollow, by-the-numbers modern Hollywood take on the proceedings that you’d expect), is this downright fascinating to look at. Beneath the surface, there’s not much of anything going on in Snow White And The Huntsman, to put things as kindly as possible —but the surface is so damn lush, cryptic, and enthralling that you won’t realize, or even care, that you’ve pretty much been had until well after you leave the theater.
I’m not exactly sure what the advertising tagline is for this film — as a matter of fact, near as I can tell it doesn’t seem to actually have one — but I know what it ought to be : “Silver — It’s Not Just For Werewolves Anymore.”
Look, I don’t consider myself to be a scholar of the vampiric arts (or whatever they’re called) by any means — I’ve never seen True Blood or any of the Twilight films, for instance — but I know what kills these guys : wooden stakes through the heart. Garlic. Holy water. Sunlight.
Silver? That’s for lycanthropes. But apparently not anymore. Or, rather, not in the 1800s. Don’t get me wrong — director Timur Bekmambetov’s Abraham Lincoln : Vampire Hunter (based on the novel of the same name by Seth Grahame-Smith, who also wrote the screenplay, and produced by Tim Burton, whatever that’s worth) is a clever enough little piece of throwaway historical revisionism : vampires were responsible for the death of Honest Abe (Benjamin Walker)’s parents and so, concurrent with his rise in politics, he also undertakes a crusade, under the watchful eye of his mysterious mentor, Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper) to kill as many of them as he can in his off-hours with this kick-ass silver-bladed trick axe that he’s got. To make matters even worse, these dastardly vampires also control the slave trade (guess it’s too controversial these days to point out that it was other human beings who were responsible for shackling, buying, selling, and ultimately working to death their brethren for generations), and we know how the man in the stove pipe hat felt about that whole dastardly business.
Okay, fair enough — while I’m sure our fellow countrymen and women south of the Mason-Dixon line might take some offense at the idea that their side in the war is depicted here as being controlled by vampires, my honest response to that is one of “tough shit, you’re getting off easy — your real ancestors (not that it’s in any way rational to hold people responsible for the actions of their forefathers) were fighting to keep people enslaved not because they were manipulated by supernatural forces but because they were just plain greedy and racist. Feel better now?,” in point of fact it’s actually a pretty clever pretense. Even clever enough to (almost) sustain an entire film.
But then we come back to this whole goddamn silver thing. Seriously, it’s like vampire Kryptonite in this flick. There’s just no getting around how easy it makes to kill ’em off. And that undermines what otherwise would be a pretty entertaining enough little thrill ride. The performances are perfectly decent on the whole. The costumes, sets, and effects, are all top-notch. The historicity, while complete bullshit, holds together coherently enough. And the whole thing doesn’t take itself too terribly seriously, always something this reviewer in particular appreciates. But the sheer amount of suspension of disbelief required to actually thoroughly (as opposed to in a rather half-hearted and detached “oh, that’s kinda clever” sort of way) enjoy this film becomes a bridge just a tad too far when we throw this annoying new mega- wrinkle into the vampire mythos. I get why they did it, but it grates just the same, and Grahame-Smith’s story relies on it so heavily that it takes what would otherwise be an acceptable enough deus ex machina and turns it into a thick, heavy, lumbering, unyielding crutch. Think of it as the silver straw that breaks the camel’s back.
Last night, I watched yet another “original” movie on the SyFy network. This one was called Arachnoquake.
Why Was I Watching It?
First off, how do you not watch something called Arachnoquake? The title itself is just pure genius in that it not only tells you that the film is about spiders and earthquakes but it also lets you know ahead of time that this is a movie to have fun with.
Also, I was watching because I still have good memories of watching Jersey Shore Shark Attackearlier this month.
What’s It About?
So basically, there’s an earthquake in New Orleans and a bunch of gigantic, extremely venomous albino spiders are released out into the city and the bayou. However, these aren’t just your typical giant albino spiders. No, these are giant albino spiders that can breathe fire and walk on water. It’s kinda like Treme, just with more spiders and less Steve Zahn.
In fact, there’s no Steve Zahn in this film at all! However, there is Edward Furlong, playing a greasy-haired guy who is stuck driving a school bus with a bunch of female softball players on it. Meanwhile, Furlong’s asthmatic wife (Tracey Gold) is stuck on a trolley that’s being driven by a guy played by Bug Hall. And, best of all, there’s also a really badly tempered old guy named Gramps on the trolley as well. Gramps, sad to say, doesn’t stick around for too long but for the first 30 minutes of the film, he was all that we could talk about on twitter…
What Worked?
Listen, if you’re going to bitch and whine about narrative logic, cheap special effects, and silly dialogue while watching a movie like Arachnoquake, you’re kinda missing the whole point of the film. This is a movie that was made to inspire people to talk back to the TV. Arachnoquake doesn’t take itself all that seriously and neither should you. I mean, yes, the spiders looked faintly ludicrous when they showed up in the bayou, chasing after a motorboat. But I suspect that was kind of the point.
Arachnoquake is a film that was made to be viewed as part of a communal experience. I understand that they actually had viewing parties down in New Orleans and I would have loved to have been at one of them! (And I think I could have gotten all sorts of beads tossed at me as well…) However, I settled for live tweeting the film on twitter and that was so much fun! I got to talk to other people who were watching and enjoying the film and even better, the film’s director and some of the performers (especially Megan Adelle) joined in on the live tweet and actually responded to those of us who were talking about their film. Not all of the comments were positive (at one point, director Griff Furst responded to one online critic with, “Blow me.”) but it was still a lot of fun and, if anything, it showed that the filmmakers knew and appreciated their audience. Both the film and the whole communal viewing experience were a lot of fun!
Finally, I think just about everyone on twitter agreed that the highlight of the film was the character of Gramps (played by Grant James). SyFy films are full of cantankerous old men but few are quite as cantankerous as Gramps. We were all a little bit sad to see Gramps die about 30 minutes into the film. Personally, I’m hoping that he returns in a sequel and gets to utter the line, “When you get to Hell, tell ’em Gramps sent you…”
I also hope that the sequel is set during Mardi Gras.
What Did Not Work?
(Spoiler Alert. Seriously, no joke — massive spoiler ahead)
The character played by Tracy Gold spend almost the entire film having an asthma attack and, finally, during the final 15 minutes of the film, she dies as a result. I have to admit that bothered me a lot, both because I actually have asthma but also, and more importantly, because it just felt jarringly out-of-place in what had been, up to that point, a really fun B-movie.
Don’t get me wrong — it wouldn’t have bothered me if Gold had been killed as the result of being wrapped up in a spider web or something. That would have worked well with the tone of the rest of the film. But having her die as a result of not having her inhaler — it just hit too close to home for me and it was just so different in tone from the rest of the film that it briefly made it difficult for me to get back into the right B-movie mindset that’s necessary to truly enjoy a film like Arachnoquake.
“OH MY GOD! Just like me!” Moments
Well, obviously, I related to poor Tracey Gold and her asthma attack. But, beyond that, I could also relate to all the characters in the film because I hate the thought of being in an earthquake and I don’t care much for spider. Especially gigantic albino ones that breathe fire…
Lessons Learned
I will always double-check to make sure I have my inhaler before I leave the house. Also, if I ever find myself stranded in the country with a gigantic albino spider coming towards me, I hope some greasy-haired guy is there to beat it to death with a softball bat while screaming, “Now that’s how you make jambalaya!”
I want to make one thing very clear before I start this review:
I LOVED BRAVE!
Okay, now that that’s out of the way…
2011 was something of a disappointing year for me because it was the year that I discovered that the people at Pixar Studios are as fallible as any other filmmaker. Cars 2 was cute but, ultimately, rather forgettable and it was the first Pixar movie that failed to move me tears. Certainly, Cars 2 was not a terrible film but, when it comes to Pixar, moviegoers just naturally expect more and it was difficult to watch those expectations dashed.
Well, last night, I saw this year’s offering from Pixar, a little film called Brave. I’m happy to say that Pixar has redeemed itself from Cars 2. I loved Brave. It not only kept me entertained but it made me cry as well. In short, Brave is a film that earns its place in the Pixar library.
Set in a beautifully animated version of the Scottish highlands, Brave tells the story of Merida (voiced, quite brilliantly, by Kelly MacDonald), the red-haired daughter of King Fergus (Billy Connolly) and Queen Elinor (Emma Thompson). Merida takes after her extroverted, stubborn father and can’t understand why her refined mother isn’t as enthusiastic as Merida is about things like archery, hunting, and exploring the wilderness.
When Merida finds that, by tradition, she is to be married off to the first-born son of one of the kingdom’s three lords, she devises a plan to prove just how unfair this practice is to her. She announces that the winner of an Archery competition shall be her suitor, However, during the actual competition, Merida announces that she will compete “for her own hand” and proceeds to out-shoot all three of her moronic suitors. After an argument with an enraged Elinor, Merida flees the castle in tears.
Merida eventually meets a witch (voiced in perfect busy-body style by Julie Walters) who offers to cast a spell that will change Elinor. Merida impulsively agrees and then returns to the castle where Elinor is eventually transformed into a gigantic bear.
I have to admit that Brave nearly lost me when Elinor turned into that bear. Pixar’s trademark has always been that they make animated films that feel like live-action films and Elinor’s transformation felt almost too predictably cartoonish. However, as close as the film came to losing me at that moment, the important thing is that it didn’t. That’s due to both the impeccable animation (which managed to give the bear some very recognizable Elinor-like facial expressions) and the strength of Kelly MacDonald’s vocal performance, which brings a true sense of reality to a very unreal situation.
(Perhaps my favorite moment was when Merida hastily explained to her three younger brothers, “Mum’s turned into a bear but it’s not my fault!” That’s exactly the same thing I would have said if I had been responsible for turning my mom into a bear. And yes, I have to admit that as a stubborn redhead, I very much identified with Merida throughout the entire film.)
Merida and the Elinor Bear flee from the castle (and from King Fergus who doesn’t know that the bear is actually Elinor and who is known as the Bear-killer) and start to bond as Merida tries to find a way to turn Elinor back into a human being. It was here that Brave turned into a rather emotional experience for me and it didn’t take long for the tears to come. (What’s a Pixar film without plenty of tears?) So much of Brave hit home for me, from Merida’s desire to be independent to her complicated relationship with her mom and the fear and regret that she feels when she realizes that she might lose her mom forever. Like the best fairy tales, Brave uses a fantastic situation to tell a story about some very basic and simple human truths.
Whenever you review an animated film, there always seems to be one question that has to be answered: will boring old adults get as much out of the film as kids? Well, I know that I certainly enjoyed it but I’m not sure if I’m ready to admit to being an adult. The main thing to remember about Brave is that it’s not Toy Story 3 and it’s not Up. At the same time, it’s not Cars 2 either. Instead, it’s a heartfelt film for kids (and girls, especially) that won’t transform adults into bears.
Finally, I have to note that between Brave and the Hunger Games, 2012 is turning out to be a pretty good year for girl power. For once, we’re actually seeing films where girls can be heroes without being cast as either emotionally damaged refugees (like in the David Fincher version of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo) or as perpetual virgins just waiting for the right man to come along and give their life meaning (like in just about every other movie that comes out of Hollywood). This is a good trend and I hope it continues.
On Friday night, I saw Moonrise Kingdom. As our own Leon the Duke explained in his own review on this very site, Moonrise Kingdom is a thought-provoking, relentlessly quirky little film from Wes Anderson. It’s a film that makes you think and, as a result, come Saturday, I was in the mood to watch something that required absolutely no thought at all. Luckily, SyFy was willing to help me out by showing an original film called Jersey Shore Shark Attack.
Why Was I Watching It?
I’d been meaning to watch a SyFy film for a while, mostly because my friend Kelly Thul always provides the most interesting twitter commentary on them. When I saw that something called Jersey Shore Shark Attack was apparently playing on the channel, there was no way I couldn’t watch it. After all, my BFF Evelyn refers to me as L-Wowww. I used to call her Evooki but, after seeing Jersey Shore Shark Attack, her new name is Nooki.
What’s It About?
It’s holiday weekend on the Jersey Shore. Preppies are uncomfortably mingling with Guidos, Joey Fatone is scheduled to give a concert, and greedy mayor Paul Sorvino is greedily dreaming of the money that will be made. The only thing could ruin the holiday fun would be if a bunch of sharks suddenly showed up and decided to attack the Jersey shore.
Which is exactly what happens.
Fortunately, when the greedy Mayor refuses to close down the beach, there are a few Guidos who are willing to do the right thing. The Complication (Jeremy Luc) and his friends Paulie Balzac (Daniel Booko), Donnie (Joey Russo), J-Moni (Alex Mauriello), and BJ (Audi Resendiz) take it upon themselves to battle the sharks. However, the Complication’s ex, Nooki (Melissa Molinaro), has defiantly gone sailing with a bunch of preppies and now finds herself stranded at sea, surrounded by circling sharks…
What Worked?
A lot of people are probably online right now talking about how “stupid” and how “bad” this movie was but you know what? I loved it. This movie was a lot of fun and, like the best film parodies, it was very smart about being stupid. Let’s put it like this — if you’re criticizing this film for having silly dialogue, terrible special effects, and bad acting, you’re missing the point.
Add to that, the acting isn’t that bad. The film’s stars do a good job at capturing the “personas” of their Jersey Shore counterparts and I would even go so far as to compare this movie to the classic South Park episode “It’s a Jersey Thing.”
Plus, Tony Sirico’s in it and he gets to go all Robert Shaw and deliver a half-crazed monologue about shark attacks.
Plus, there’s a reporter who says things like, “Stay away from the pier, yo!”
Plus, Joey Fatone’s in it! And he gets eaten!
What’s not to love?
What Didn’t Work?
It all worked, dammit!
“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments
I’m Italian (well, a fourth-Italian) and I don’t swim either. (Though I certainly don’t mind getting wet…)
Men In Black 3, which was released into theaters last month, is an unexpected surprise, a genuinely entertaining film that breathes some new life into an old franchise.
If you’ve seen the trailer then you pretty much know the plot of Men In Black 3. An alien war criminal named Boris (played, in wonderfully over-the-top fashion, by Jermaine Clement) escapes from imprisonment on the moon. He goes back to the year 1969 and kills the man who originally imprisoned him, Agent K. In the present day, Agent K (played, of course, by Tommy Lee Jones) vanishes from existence. The only person who remembers him is his longtime partner, Agent J (Will Smith). Agent J and Agent O (played by Emma Thompson) quickly figure out what has happened (one of the best things about Men In Black 3 is that everything happens quickly — there’s very little padding) and J is sent back to 1969 where he ends up teaming up with the young Agent K (now played by Josh Brolin). Together, J and K attempt to prevent Boris from changing history.
As I hinted at earlier, I wasn’t really expecting much from Men In Black 3. Yes, the trailer was cute and I was looking forward to seeing Josh Brolin’s impersonation of Tommy Lee Jones but otherwise, I had no reason to suspect that this film would be anything more than a somewhat disheartening collection of CGI and superstar egos.
But you know what?
Men In Black 3 isn’t half-bad.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Men In Black 3 doesn’t rewrite the rules of a familiar genre (like Cabin In The Woods). And it’s certainly not an idiosyncratic expression of one man’s personal artistic vision (like Moonrise Kingdom). No, Men In Black 3 is pure Hollywood entertainment but, at the very least, it’s a well-made example of pure Hollywood entertainment. This is the type of film that could easily have been made (and watched) on autopilot but director Barry Sonnenfeld and his talented cast have actually made the effort to make an entertaining film and they’ve succeeded.
Both Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones have reached a point where they could play their roles in their sleep (and, in other movies, that’s what they both often seem to be doing) but both of them seem to be having fun in Men in Black 3 and they’ve got such a strong chemistry that they’re enjoyable to watch. Jones even brings a sense of reality to his character’s world-weary resignation and, if Will Smith’s main talent seems to be the fact that he’s likable, he still does likeable pretty well. The new additions to the cast — Emma Thompson, Jermaine Clement, Alice Eve, and especially Michael Stuhlbarg and Bill Hader — are all fun and interesting to watch. The film, however, is truly stolen by Josh Brolin, who not only perfectly captures Tommy Lee Jones’ voice and mannerisms but also manages to hint at his sense of gravitas as well. Sonnenfeld keeps the story moving quickly and, for once, the impressive CGI is used in the service of the story as opposed to just providing an excuse for that story to exist.
As usually seems to happen with franchise films, the whole thing ends on a sentimental note and, I have to admit, it actually brought tears to my eyes.
Then again, I’ve been told that I cry at anything.
Regardless of whether my tears were honestly earned or if they were just a Pavlovian response, Men In Black 3 is an entertaining film and I’m glad I saw it.
Last night, as I was searching through the list of movies saved onto my DVR, I discovered that I had apparently recorded 2011’s The Craigslist Killeroff of the Lifetime Movie Network. So, of course, I immediately curled up on the couch and started to watch it. After a few minutes, I paused the movie so I could wake up my sister and track down our cat and force them to watch it with me. Which they did because they love me. Awwwwwwwww!
Why Was I Watching It?
Okay, I think The Craigslist Killer has been on TV like a gazillion times since 2011 and I’ve watched it almost every time. It’s become a tradition. Just like some people have to watch Avatar every time it pops up on Cinemax, I have to watch The Craigslist Killer every time it shows up on Lifetime. And if I have to use my feminine wiles to force other people to watch with me — well, I’m willing to do that.
What’s It About?
Philip Markoff (Jake McDorman) is this handsome, charming medical student who tells everyone that he’s rich and is just loved by everyone. But even though he’s a total hottie, he’s got the confidence of nottie. (Sorry, I came up with that line as a joke a few months ago and I’ve been looking for an excuse to use it ever since.) So, he deals with his issues by looking at porn online and then eventually murdering a masseuse who he met through an ad that she placed on Craig’s List. Anyway, he’s not really that good at being a killer so it’s kinda obvious that he’s the one who did it but nobody can believe it because he’s such a charming guy.
One person who definitely doesn’t think that he’s a killer is his fiancée, Megan (Agnes Bruckner). Megan is busy planning their wedding while, unknown to her, Philip is attacking and killing other women. Eventually, Megan is confronted by a suspicious homicide investigator (William Baldwin) but she still stubbornly defends Philip.
And, of course, it’s all based on a true story.
What Worked?
Seriously, this is the epitome of a Lifetime movie and it’s also a historically important one. I can remember being on twitter the night that this movie premiered and literally everyone was planning on watching The Craigslist Killer, even people who normally would never watch Lifetime. So, for many people, The Craigslist Killer is what they think of when they think of a Lifetime movie: it’s based on a true story, it’s about a beautiful woman who falls in love with a handsome man with a great future, and it’s about how that woman learns that men can’t be trusted. There’s even a subtle hint, I think, of the possibility of future romance between Megan and the detective played by William Baldwin. And good for her! Seriously, after everything she goes through in this film, she deserves it.
Agnes Bruckner and Jake McDorman both give pretty good performances. McDorman is totally believable as both a charming med school student and a vicious killer and I liked the way that his performance subtly showed us that there wasn’t much going on behind the character’s perfect smile.
The final few minutes of the movie made me cry.
What Didn’t Work?
I’ve read quite a few comments online from people complaining about William Baldwin’s attempt to do a Boston accent. Some say it was one of the worst Boston accents in television history. I’m not sure if that’s true or not but I certainly know what it’s like to listen to a Yankee butcher your region’s accent.
Otherwise, as far as I’m concerned, this was a Lifetime movie and it all worked.
“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments
What girl hasn’t liked the perfect boy who, once he becomes her boyfriend, reveals himself to actually be far less than perfect? Laugh if you will but the best Lifetime movie tap into universal truths that many people don’t like to admit exist.
Lessons Learned
Even the perfect wedding can be ruined when it turns out the groom is a serial killer.
Let’s start things out on a happy note with … the end of the entire freakin’ world. Apparently, this film came at out the same time as a film called 2020: Texas Gladiators. I guess what that all means is that we’ve got about 7 years until everyone starts dressing like they live in Vermont…
2) Looker (1981)
“I waaaaaaaaaant it…” Next time somebody asks me a question at work, I’m going to reply with, “I’m the perfect female type…” just to see what type of reaction I get. (Actually, it better a positive reaction or else I’ll start crying…)
3) Funeral Home (1980)
This is actually a pretty effective trailer. I think it’s atmospheric and creepy and, if nothing else, you won’t forget the title of the film.
4) Three The Hard Way (1974)
Though the trailer doesn’t mention it, the villain in Three The Hard Way is played by Jay Robinson who, two decades before, played Caligula in The Robe.
5) Savage! (1973)
I like this trailer because it rhymes. “Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’s SAAAAAAAVAGE!”
6) Dragons Die Hard (1974)
Since we opened with a short trailer, why not close with an even shorter one? As I type this, I’m watching an old movie from the 70s called Aaron Loves Angela. There’s a scene where two characters are walking down 42nd street and they pass a grindhouse theater that has two films listed on the marquee — Three The Hard Way and Dragons Die Hard. Since I had already included Three The Hard Way in this post, I decided that this is the Grindhouse God’s way of telling me to close with Dragons Die Hard. Though this trailer is short, be sure to listen to it carefully and, after you’ve watched the whole thing, ask yourself what this film is rated.
So, earlier today, I saw a movie called For Greater Glory. Before the movie started, I sat through the usual trailers — Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter, Lawless, and that really annoying one for that movie where Adam Sandler sounds like he’s got a frog in his throat. However, they also showed something I hadn’t seen before, the trailer for the upcoming horror film The Possession. It’s rarely a good sign when a horror movie is rated PG-13 and I get the feeling all of the film’s good moments have been put in the trailer. However, I’ll probably still end up seeing The Possession when it comes out. For whatever reason, I just can’t resist a blatant Exorcist rip-off.
