Tag Archives: Fantasy Island

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.4 “Baby/Marathon”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week’s episode is saved by the one and only Herve Villechaize.

Episode 3.4 “Baby/Marathon”

(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on October 5th, 1979)

Fantasy Island is going to be hosting a marathon competition so Tattoo decides to greet Mr. Roarke while carrying a replica of the Olympic Torch.

Tattoo proceeds to light a huge flame in a cauldron.  A group of Islanders start trying to splash water on the fire, leading to Tattoo yelling at them to leave the flame alone.  Mr. Roarke, who appears to be even more disgusted than usual with Tattoo’s antics, barks at his assistant to put on his tuxedo and head down to the docks so that they can greet their guests.

Bunny Kelly (Barbi Benton), Gretchen Wasserman (Arlene Golanka), and Olaf Olafsen (Peter Isacksen) have all come to the Island so that Olaf can compete in the marathon and hopefully win enough money to keep their barbell factory open.  (Don’t blame me, I didn’t write this script.)  When Olaf is injured while trying to lift some weights, Bunny enters the marathon in his place!  (At first, Bunny tries to disguise herself as Olaf but, when that doesn’t work, Mr. Roarke declares that Bunny can compete as herself.)

Can Bunny defeat the men who have shown up to run the marathon?  Well, it won’t be easy.  Bruno Glass (Bruce M. Fischer) is so evil that he often stops in the middle of the race so that he can laugh at everyone else’s misfortune.  Helping out Bruno is his trainer, Dr. R.M. Funk (Dick Martin).  Using techniques that would be more appropriate for a cartoon, Bruno sabotages the other racers.  Somehow, Bruno is able to do this despite the fact that the entire race is being televised live to the world.  Fear not!  With the help of friendly competitor Eugene (Paul Petersen), Kitty makes it to the finish line.  When both Kitty and Eugene sprain an ankle towards the finish line, they carry each other to a tied victory!  The factory is saved and everyone falls in love!

As you have probably already guessed, the whole marathon was pretty stupid.  There really didn’t seem to be any sort of set rules as to how the marathon would be run.  Olaf and Gretchen grabbed a car and drove alongside Kitty for most of the race.  Meanwhile, Dr. Funk was somehow able to commit numerous acts of open sabotage without anyone noticing.  Because Dr. Funk and Bruno were so cartoonish, it made it difficult to take seriously the possibility that they might win.  There was no suspense whatsoever, which made for a pretty boring fantasy.

I preferred the episode’s other story, in which Tattoo was placed in charge of finding a family to adopt an orphaned baby.  At first, Tattoo wanted to adopt the baby himself but eventually, he realized that the child would be better off with Thomas (Joshua Gallegos) and Mary (BarBara Luna), two Islanders who already had a large family and who had more experience taking care of babies.  There was nothing surprising about the story but seriously, Herve Villechaize’s portrayal of Tattoo’s dilemma was surprisingly touching.  While Villechaize was notoriously difficult on the set of Fantasy Island, he also used his fame to speak out in support of abused and neglected children and he really seemed to be put his heart into this episode of Fantasy Island.  When Tattoo said that he wanted to make sure the baby had the best and most loving home possible, one got the feeling that he was speaking for Villechaize as well.

So, this was yet another mixed episode of Fantasy Island.  Ultimately, it was saved by the sincerity of Herve Villechaize.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 6/25/23 — 7/1/23

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

As a part of my effort to get caught up with all of the potential Emmy nominees, I watched a lot of television this week.  This was a week of binging!  Here’s a few thoughts on what I watched:

1923 (Paramount Plus)

A western set in the 1920s, starring Harrison Ford and Helen Mirren?  Seriously, what took so long?  Between watching Hot Fuzz last week and binging 1923 this week, I’ve also come to newly appreciate Timothy Dalton.

Are You Being Served? (Sunday Night, PBS)

The womenswear staff had to temporarily share space with the menswear staff!  No one got along but the audience loved it.  This show is single-handedly challenging all of my assumptions about the natural superiority of British humor.

The Bear (Hulu)

I was dreading watching The Bear because everything I read about it made it sound like the type of depressing show that I usually can’t stand but, having now binged the first season, I can now say that it was far better than I was expecting.  A lot of that was due to the steady and empathetic lead performance of Jeremy Allen White.  I’m looking forward to binging the second season.

Beavis and Butt-Head (Thursday, Paramount Plus)

Smart Beavis and Smart Butt-Head attempted to abduct Tom Anderson so that they could experiment on him.  Unfortunately, their anal prober broke down but luckily, Tom was able to repair it.  However, once he found out what it was for, he announced that he didn’t want to join the Elks that badly and he walked out of the flying saucer.  Meanwhile, teen Beavis and Butt-Head tried to convince Cody to let them play his video game.  Cody’s parents loved Beavis and Butt-Head.  Apparently, this week’s episode was the second season finale.  It was an okay wrap-up.  As always, I enjoyed the Tom Anderson stuff.  Cody and his parents were kind of boring but at least we got to watch Beavis and Butt-Head beat each other up while watching a relaxation video.

Dirty Pair Flash (YouTube)

On Friday night, I watched the fifth episode of Dirty Pair Flash.  Lilly and Yuri were supposed to go on a stakeout but Lilly had a date.  Yuri was not happy.  Personally, I was on Lilly’s side.  Just because you have a job, that doesn’t mean that you don’t get to have a life!

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

You can read my thoughts on Fantasy Island here!

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Thursday.  Robin Givens was giving people paternity tests.  Robin yelled at all of her guests for being a bunch of cheaters.  I watched another episode on Friday, in which Robin was ordering even more cheating men to “get into the doghouse.”  Robin was very loud and very shrill and so was her audience.  Say what you will about Mother Love’s style of hosting, at least the sound of her voice didn’t induce migraines.

A Friend of the Family (Peacock)

I finally watched this miniseries about how Jan Broberg was abducted not once but twice by the same friend of the family and oh my God, was it ever creepy!  It’s easy to watch the Brobergs in this show and dismiss them as just being unbelievably naïve but, as the Jan mentioned in her introduction to the show, it was a different time.  This miniseries featured excellent performances from Jake Lacey, Colin Hanks, Anna Paquin, and McKenna Grace.

Jenny Jones (YouTube)

“Stop dissing my dreams!” children said to their parents, who refused to support their show business dreams.  A flustered Jenny Jones encouraged the parents to be more accepting of their kids.  The show that I watched on Thursday was over 20 years old and none of the kids became stars.  What a bunch of losers!  Shame on them for wasting everyone’s time.

King of the Hill (Weekday Afternoons, FXX)

I watched two episodes on Friday, both of which were personal favorites of mine.  First, Hank was happy that Bobby was getting into church until Hank discovered that Pastor K was a long-haired skater.  This episode featured the classic line, “Don’t you realize you’re not making Christianity better, you’re just making rock and roll worse!”  This was followed by the episode where Hank was excited that his new neighbor was a former Cowboy until he discovered that “Big Willy” Lane wasn’t the hero that he thought he was.  These were two excellent episodes, funny and heartfelt.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (Prime)

The final season of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel was brilliant, with the time jumps reminding us that the story isn’t ending even if the show is.  My main fear was that the show would do some sort of alternate history thing to save fan favorite Lenny Bruce but, though the temptation was undoubtedly there, the show didn’t.  If Midge watching Jeopardy with Susie in 2005 didn’t bring a tear to your eye, I don’t know what to tell you.

The Master (Tubi)

I wrote about The Master here!

Only Murders In The Building (Hulu)

I enjoyed the first season of Only Murders In The Building but, even during that season, I was aware that the show would probably end up becoming a bit too self-satisfied for its own good.  I could forsee a future of slumming stars stopping by to hang out with Steve Martin and Martin Short.

This week, I watched the second season with a bit of trepidation.  I did end up enjoying it, even if the second season didn’t quite have the thrill of discovery that made the first so likable and replacing Sting with Amy Schumer just confirmed my fear that the show is heading towards the trap of celebrity self-indulgence.  That said, Steven Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez continue to be delightful and hopefully, the show will survive season 3’s addition of Meryl Streep to the cast.  (Like many talented people, Meryl is at her worse whenever she’s slumming.)

Paul T. Goldman (Peacock)

I watched this non-fiction miniseries on Monday night.  It basically featured an apparently mentally disturbed man explaining his paranoid theories about why his marriage failed.  To be honest, it all felt a bit mean-spirited.  Paul T. Goldman didn’t seem to be in on the joke and he made some pretty serious accusations against people who weren’t there to defend themselves.  The whole thing held my interest but still felt pretty icky.

Perry Mason (HBO)

It’s a shame that HBO has cancelled Perry Mason.  I watched the second season this week and I found myself very much enjoying its stylish portrayal of 1930s Los Angeles.  The story itself didn’t do much for me but the show was such a visual treat and Matthew Rhys was so well-cast as Mason that it was still compulsively watchable.

Shrinking (AppleTV+)

This week, I finally caught up with Shrinking, which is a dramatic sitcom about therapists and their patients.  I laughed more than I was expecting to at the show’s dark humor but, to be honest, the main appeal of this show is watching Harrison Ford prove that he’s still one of our best actors.  Between this and 1923, it’s hard not to regret that Harrison Ford waited so long to start doing television.

Ted Lasso (AppleTV+)

It’s finally over!  I was never as huge a fan of Ted Lasso as some people were and the third and perhaps final season didn’t really hold my interest when I watched it this week.  (Admittedly, some of that could be because I felt a bit rushed with the Emmys coming up.)  Jason Sudeikis is a likable actor and, even if the show wasn’t my favorite, the final episode did warm my heart a bit.  I will say this: if this show was your  favorite, I understand why and I don’t think any less of you.

Wednesday (Netflix)

I enjoyed Wednesday more than I expected I would.  Netflix has a pretty uneven history when it comes to horror adaptations (remember when Case and I used to suffer through their Sabrina show?) but Wednesday was enjoyable and, of course, Jenna Ortega was perfectly cast in the lead role.

Welcome Back Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back, Kotter here!

Yellowstone (Paramount Network)

This is another show that I meant to watch earlier but I only got around to the latest season this week.  I loved the mix of political melodrama and gorgeous scenery.

Yes, Minister (Monday Morning, PBS)

Jim Hacker made the mistake of thinking for himself during a television interview and talking about the need to cut back on wasteful government expenditures.  Fortunately, Sir Humphrey was able to remind Hacker of his proper place.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.3 “Tattoo: The Love God/Magnolia Blossoms”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Mr. Roarke tries to kill Tattoo!

Episode 3.3 “Tattoo: The Love God/Magnolia Blossoms”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on Sept. 21st, 1979)

This week’s episode of Fantasy Island opens with Tattoo driving his mini-car across the island and nearly running over a group of Islanders.

Tattoo has every reason to be excited!  This week, he is getting his fantasy.  Using a fake name (Dr. H.L. Oottat — spell the last name backwards), Tattoo requested a chance to come to the Island and live out his fantasy of being irresistible to women.  At first, Mr. Roarke pretends as if he had no idea that Dr. Oottat was actually Tattoo but, by the end of this episode, it’s pretty clear that Roarke not only knew who Oottat was but that he also saw this fantasy as his best chance to kill off his troublesome assistant.

Seriously, how else can you explain how Mr. Roarke grants Tattoo his fantasy.  Tattoo wants women to find him attractive.  (That’s actually kind of sad.  Poor Tattoo!)  So, Mr. Roarke arranges for a bunch of native Islanders to mistake Tattoo for their legendary love god, Nooyeeowee.

Words goes out that Nooyeeowee has returned to the Island.  A group of Islanders take Tattoo to their village.

The chief explains that, as the Love God, Tattoo is not only responsible for deciding who in the tribe will marry who but that his presence will also guarantee successful fishing expeditions.  Unfortunately, Tattoo is also expected to be able to fly.  When one of the islanders, jealous because Tattoo has stolen his girlfriend, accuses Tattoo of being a fraud, Tattoo is told to prove his powers by taking flight.  Instead, with the help of a native girl, Tattoo gets in a canoe and flees back to the main island.

Mr. Roarke acts as if he’s happy to have his assistant back but let’s be honest here.  Mr. Roarke has shown, on numerous occasions, that he cannot be fooled or tricked by anyone.  Are we to believe that Mr. Roarke didn’t realize that the letter from Dr. Oottaat was actually from Tattoo?  After three seasons of listening to their passive-aggressive banter, it should be obvious to anyone that Roarke and Tattoo actually hate each other.  Personally, I think Mr. Roarke was hoping Tattoo wouldn’t be able to escape.

As for the second fantasy, it features Pamela Franklin and Lisa Hartman as two women who want to become Southern belles by returning to what they consider to be the most romantic time and place in US. History, Civil War-era Georgia….

Uhmm…. yeah.  This is definitely a fantasy that would not be allowed today.  But, back in 1979, Roarke sends the women back to Civil War era Altanta so that they can both pursue a romance with the two Confederates of their dreams.  Lisa Hartman falls hard for Dack Rambo, who is made up to look like Clark Gable.  Pamela Franklin falls just as hard for Christopher Connelly, who is made up to look like Leslie Howard.  Unfortunately, their night at the plantation is ruined by the arrival of an evil Union captain, played by Luke Askew.

Sadly, the fantasy ends before the belles get a chance to marry their men.  But no worries!  It turns out that the two men were also on the Island to live out their fantasies of fighting for the Confederacy during the Civil War.  So, everything works out….

This was a weird episode and, as I mentioned earlier, it’s definitely one that would not be made today.  I can only imagine how Twitter, if it had existed back then, would have reacted to the Civil War fantasy and the frequent appearances of Dixie on the soundtrack.  To be honest, though, the the two belles were less in love with the Confederacy and more just obsessed with Clark Gable and Leslie Howard.  Tattoo’s fantasy was actually the cringier of the two, with Tattoo pretending to be a God just to get laid and its suggestion that the Islanders will basically just worship anyone that they can convince to come to their village.

(Why don’t they worship Mr. Roarke then?  I mean, he has literal magic powers!)

As I said, this episode was just very weird.  1979, you know?

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 6/18/23 — 6/24/23

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Andor (Disney Plus)

I finished up Andor this week and I was surprised by not only how intelligent the show was but also how much I enjoyed it.  Usually, Star Wars stuff tends to bore me to tears but Andor was full of interesting characters, exciting action, and even a few memorable exchanges of dialogue.  The show took itself seriously without ever becoming dull.  Diego Luna gave a strong performance in the title role and really, the entire cast impressed.  On a personal note, one reason why I enjoyed it is because it didn’t get bogged down in all of the usual Star Wars mythology.  As such, even an outsider like me could follow what was going on.

Beavis and Butt-Head (Thursday, Paramount Plus)

“Those boys sure do die a lot,” I thought as I watched last week’s episode of Beavis and Butt-Head on Thursday.  The first segment on that episode, which featured Beavis and Butt-Head becoming hoarders, ended with their skeletons being discovered on their couch and then dumped into a dumpster without anyone bothering to even ask who they had been in life.  The second segment ended with Beavis finding inner peace via acupuncture.  Beavis enjoyed having the needles in his face so much that he ended up sticking a bunch of thumb tacks and sewing needles everywhere else on his body.  The episode ended with Beavis apparently castrating himself.  Fortunately, that happened offscreen.

This week’s episode featured even more hardship for Beavis.  Jealous because Butt-Head got to wear a stupid costume at work, Beavis made his own stupid uniform and eventually got beaten up.  (It’s too complicated to explain in a capsule review but it was all Butt-Head’s fault.)  This was followed by one of Tom Anderson’s stories about the Korean War and a segment in which Old Beavis and Butt-Head got a job working at a warehouse that was owned by a company that was totally not Amazon.  Needless to say, the warehouse burned down by the end of the day.

Bubblegum Crisis (NightFlight+)

As usual, I can’t truthfully that I was able to follow the plot of the episode of Bubblegum Crisis that I watched on Saturday morning.  But the explosions were plentiful and the animation was stylish.  Sometimes, you don’t have to know what’s going on.

City Guys (YouTube)

I wrote about City Guys here!

Dancing With The Stars (Disney Plus)

I’m not sure why I missed the 31st season of Dancing With The Stars when it originally aired but, with the Emmys approaching, I finally watched it this week.  It was pretty good, though I think Gabby and Val should have won.

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Sunday night.  It was from the Robin Givens years.  Parents demanded that their out-of-control teens sign a contract promising to no longer be out-of-control.  One teen signed and the others dramatically ripped the contracts into little pieces.  Robin yelled at all of them.  I doubt it made much difference in the long run but it probably made the parents feel better (or worse as the case may be.)

I Think You Should Leave With Tim Robinson (Netflix)

I binged the latest season on Wednesday night.  “This guy is trying to start a pay it forward chain!” made me laugh so hard that I nearly fell off my couch.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about this week’s episode of The Love Boat here!

Making the Cut (Prime)

The Master (Tubi)

I wrote about this week’s episode of The Master here!

Night Flight (NightFlight+)

On Friday night, I watched an episode of this 1984 episode of this show.  It was all about music videos based on movies.  Among the videos that they showed was the one for Relax from Frankie Goes To Hollywood.  From what I’ve seen, it appears that the people behind Night Flight were always looking for an excuse to show that video.

U.S. Open Golf (Sunday, NBC)

Congratulations to Wyndham Clark!  As always, I thought the course looked lovely.

So You Think You Can Dance (Fox/Tubi)

At the same time that I was binging the latest season of Dancing With The Stars, I was also watching what might be the last season of So You Think You Can Dance.  As always, I enjoyed the dancing but everything was pretty much overshadowed by the whole Matthew Morrison thing.  Personally, I always found Matthew Morrison’s performance to be the most annoying thing about Glee so I wasn’t particularly sad to see him step down as a judge on this show.

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about this week’s episodes here!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.2 “Goose For The Gander/Stuntman”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Tattoo is nice and Mr. Roarke is understandably suspicious.

Episode 3.2 “Goose For The Gander/Stuntman”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on September 14th, 1979)

This episode opens with Tattoo being very nice and polite to Mr. Roarke and asking if there is anything that he can do to help Roarke as they head out to meet the plane.  It says a lot about how much Roarke hates his assistant that Roarke’s immediate reaction is to suspect that Tattoo has done something wrong and is trying to escape being punished as a result.  By the end of the episode, Roarke learns that Tattoo is freaking out because Tattoo saw a classified ad announcing that Roarke was looking for a new “assistant manager,” and Tattoo feared he was going to be fired.  Mr. Roarke has a good laugh over that.  Roarke enjoys anything that makes Tattoo’s life miserable.

As for the fantasies, this is another week where we get one silly fantasy and one serious fantasy.

The silly fantasy involves Marjorie Gibbs (Doris Roberts), who owns a truck stop in Arizona.  A new highway is being put in and all of Marjorie is going to have to relocate her diner.  Unfortunately, that is going to cost money that Marjorie does not have.  All of Marjorie’s customers tipped in and raised enough money to send Marjorie to Fantasy Island so that she can compete in a cooking contest and win a huge cash prize.

Can Marjorie win the contest?  It’s not going to be easy, as one of her competitors is a sneaky French chef (Vito Scotti) and the judge (Hans Conried) is one of those food snobs.  Fortunately, Marjorie strikes up a friendship with another diner owner, Joe Lange (Abe Vigoda).  Joe supports Marjorie and helps her to win, even after the French chef steals one of Marjorie’s recipes!  They also fall in love and save a goose from becoming a meal.  Awwwwww!  This was a silly but sweet fantasy.  Doris Roberts and Abe Vigoda made for a good comedic team.

As for the serious fantasy, it’s all about stunts.  Retired stuntman Peter Rawlings (Dale Robertson) comes to the island with his wife, Norma (Dana Wynter).  Norma thinks this is just a normal vacation but Peter actually wants to come to the island because his son, Bill (Grant Goodeve), is the stunt coordination for a film that is shooting there.  Bill has lived his whole life in his father’s shadow and Peter fears that Bill’s desire to pull off the biggest stunt of all time will lead to his death.  Peter also discovers that Bill’s insecurity has led to him becoming a tyrant on the set.  In fact, as soon as Peter shows up, Bill is fired and Peter is named the new stunt coordinator.  Can father and son set aside their differences and pull off a truly spectacular stunt?

Of course they can.  This is Fantasy Island.

This was one of those episodes that pretty much succeeded on the charm of the cast alone.  Neither one of the fantasies was particularly interesting.  We were told that Marjorie and Joe’s food was the best but, since we couldn’t taste it, we had no way of knowing for sure.  And the big stunt really didn’t look all that special.  But Doris Roberts, Dale Robertson, and Abe Vigoda all gave charming performances so, in the end, I was happy everything worked out.

Next week: Tattoo gets a fantasy!  Roarke better watch out!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.1 “Hit Man/The Swimmer”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, we begin season 3 of Fantasy Island!

Episode 3.1 “Hit Man/The Swimmer”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on September 7th, 1979)

The third season of Fantasy Island gets off to a strange start when, after announcing that the plane is arriving with this week’s guests, Tattoo approaches Mr. Roarke while accompanied by a one-man band.

Not even bothering to disguise his contempt his assistant, Mr. Roarke demands to know what Tattoo is doing.  Tattoo replies that he is campaigning for the position of Honorary Lord Mayor of Fantasy Island.  He hands Mr. Roarke one of his fliers.

Again, Mr. Roarke does not appear to be particularly amused as he informs Tattoo that he has been Lord Mayor of Fantasy Island for several terms now and no one, up until this point, has ever dared to run against him.  Tattoo suggests that it is time for a change.

Myself, I’m just wondering what the heck is going on.

I mean, we are three seasons into Fantasy Island.  It has been established that Fantasy Island is an independent nation, one that is home not just to the resort but also to a fishing village, a private school, an old west town, several haunted houses, a red light district, and miles of potentially dangerous jungle.  Whenever anyone from America has tried to boss around Mr. Roarke, Roarke has replied that Fantasy Island is a not governed by American law.  Given the size and the variety of lifestyles on Fantasy Island, I’m not sure that “Lord Mayor” is really the right term to use for the island’s ruler.

Beyond that, it’s been pretty much established that Mr. Roarke is Fantasy Island’s dictator.  He decides what happens on Fantasy Island.  He makes the laws.  It’s his island and everyone respects his authority.  The important thing is that, over the past two seasons, it has never been previously mentioned that Mr. Roarke is an elected official.  If Tattoo were to win the election, would the Island become his?  Is Tattoo truly trying to overthrow Mr. Roarke?  Given how much Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize disliked each other, it would not surprise me if Villechaize would have been happy to see that happen.  But, if you’re going by the show’s admittedly twisty continuity, the whole thing just doesn’t make any sense.

As for this week’s two fantasies, the first one doesn’t always make that much sense either.  It features David Doyle as Fred Forbush, an underwear manufacturer.  He’s come to the island with his wife (Constance Towers) and kids (Ronnie Scribner and Katrina Axley).  Fred has gotten in some business trouble.  Though his family doesn’t know it, he is on the verge of losing it all.  However, he has a life insurance policy that will pay his family over a million dollars if he’s murdered.  Though his family thinks that they are just on vacation, Fred’s fantasy is for Mr. Roarke to arrange for a hitman to kill him.

The fact that Mr. Roarke not only agrees to this but apparently also allows a hitman named Johnny Detroit (Eddie Mekka) to operate an assassination school on his island suggests that maybe Tattoo has a point about the Island needing a new Lord Mayor.

Johnny’s first attempt to murder Fred fails when Johnny slips on a leaf and ends up firing his sniper rifle into the sky.  Humiliated by that failure, Johnny now feels that killing Fred is a matter of honor.  However, Fred receives word that a clothing store wants to go into business with him!  Fred no longer wants to die!  Well, good luck with that….

Fear not!  This is actually the episode’s comedic storyline so Fred doesn’t die.  Instead, he ends up trying to hide from Johnny by putting on a wig and a sarong.  When that doesn’t work, he tells his family the truth.  (Needless to say, his wife is pretty angry at Lord Mayor Mr. Roarke.)  Fortunately, Johnny’s mother (Kaye Ballard) shows up on the island and puts an end to the whole thing.  It turns out that Johnny really isn’t a hitman.  Instead, he’s just a guy named Wilbur whose fantasy was to be a ruthless killer …. which is not disturbing at all!

While all that nonsense is going on, Jack Summers (Peter Graves) and his daughter, Terry (Eve Plumb, continuing the tradition of former Brady kids showing up on both this show and The Love Boat) arrive on the island to see Dr. Frantz (Gail Fisher).  Terry was an Olympic-level swimmer until a car accident left her in a wheelchair.  Jack’s fantasy is that Dr. Frantz will be able to cure Terry’s condition and she’ll be able to walk and swim once again.  Unfortunately, Dr. Frantz explains that there is no hope.

However, Mr. Roarke has also arranged for Terry to teach a water ballet class.  The class is made up of disabled children and, as you have probably already guessed, working with them causes Terry to realize that she doesn’t have to go to the Olympics to do great things.  As far as fantasies go, it was predictable but sweet.  Even Peter Graves gets emotional watching Terry’s students in the water.

But what about the election?  Tattoo names Chester the Chimpanzee as his campaign manager and loses the election when Chester eats the only vote that Tattoo received.  By a landslide, Mr. Roarke is reelected.  Presumably, his first post-election move will be to have Tattoo imprisoned for bringing Johnny Detroit to the Island, despite the fact that it was actually all Mr. Roarke’s idea.  When you’re a dictator, you can do whatever you want.  Hopefully, Tattoo will be free by next week’s episode.

This episode was a nice way to kick off season 3.  The election storyline reminded the viewers of just how weird Fantasy Island actually is, as both a location and a show.  Eddie Mekka made me chuckle a few times in the role of the buffoonish Johnny Detroit.  And I was glad that Terry found the peace and happiness that was always denied to Jan Brady.

Next week: Abe Vigoda visits the Island!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 6/4/23 — 6/10/23

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I spent most of this week watching movies so this is probably not going to be my most impressive week in television.  That said, here’s a few notes on what I did watch!

All You Need Is Love (Night Flight Plus)

“Welcome to a guided tour of the world of popular music….”  This documentary series aired in the 70s and it traced the history of pop music, from the tunes of Tin Pan Alley to Broadway to rock and roll.  I watched the first, introductionary episode on Friday night.  It was interesting to see how everything linked up.

Beavis and Butt-Head (Thursday, Paramount Plus)

This week’s episode of Beavis and Butt-Head was okay.  I was happy, for instance, that the folks at the American Legion hall beat up Old Beavis and Butt-Head because no one should be allowed to get away with stolen valor.  The dog park thing was funny as long as you assume that the racoon didn’t have rabies.  The highlight of the episode was the way the boys reacted to the video of the woman who turned her  car into a chia pet.  “Is there any way to turn down someone’s personality?”

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

Read my latest Fantasy Island review here!

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

On Tuesday, I watched an episode of this Mother Love-hosted talk show.  A man asked his best friend to forgive him for skipping her wedding.  She did.  Another woman asked her friend to apologize for not supporting her when she had experimental weight loss surgery.  An apology was given.

Happy Hour (YouTube)

This was a bizarre panel show from the late 90s.  It featured musical performances from Dweezil and Ahmet Zappa, dance numbers featuring the half-naked Bombshells, and two teams competing in arbitrary games that had no rules.  The episode that I watched on Saturday morning featured, among others, Lisa Loeb, Kelly Packard, Fred Willard, Sable, Jane Pratt, Chris Hardwick, and Aries Spears.  At one point, an odd man named Todd emerged from the audience and competed with Kelly Packard to see who knew the most about Kelly’s time on California Dreams.  Todd was kind of creepy and I hope Kelly got a restraining order on him after the show.

Anyway, it was a fun and strange hour.  I enjoyed the dancing.

The Master (Tubi)

I wrote about The Master here!

The Maury Povich Show (YouTube)

On Monday, I watched a 1992 episode of a talk show hosted by Maury Povich.  (I’m not sure but I think The Maury Povich Show was a different show from Maury’s better-known sleazefest, Maury!)  The episode featured Povich interviewing the director and the star of a film about Jeffrey Dahmer.  The families of Dahmer’s victims yelled at them.  A local reporter showed up and condemned the film.  The families yelled at the reporter for writing a book about Dahmer.  There was a lot of yelling.  Maury said that he held the first amendment sacred.

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

On Monday, I watched an episode where mothers sent their out-of-control teens to boot camp.  Personally, I’ve always felt that the whole boot camp thing was more about making the parents feel good than actually doing anything for their children.  I followed this up with an episode about women who were dating controlling men who would not let them escape their toxic relationships.  The worst of the men showed up wearing a Canada t-shirt.  It’s like he knew he was going on a nationally syndicated television show, he probably knew he was going to be portrayed as a villain, and he thought to himself, ‘I’m going to make sure they know I’m Canadian!”  I then watched a third episode, featuring more women married to sleazy men.  I hope they all got divorced after the show was filmed.

On Tuesday, I watched an episode in which Sally talked to people whose families were being destroyed by infidelity.  I imagine everyone who appeared on this episode is now divorced.  I then watched a second episode about stepfamilies in crisis.  I blamed the stepparents.

The Steve Wilkos Show (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Tuesday.  Steve sent two snotty teenagers to the Scared Straight program.  Steve was such a joke but somehow, he was never quite as sleazy as his former boss, Jerry Springer.

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back, Kotter here!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.25 “Amusement Park/Rock Stars”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, season 2 comes to a close as we take another trip to the other side of the island!

Episode 2.25 “Amusement Park/Rock Stars”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on May 13th, 1979)

Oh crap, it’s another Fantasy Island Sunday Special!

Apparently, in 1979, Aaron Spelling wanted to do a Fantasy Island spin-off for children, one that would have aired on Sunday nights.  The spin-off would have taken place on “the other side of the Island,” which was apparently designed to be very family-friendly.  The previous Sunday Special featured Kimberly Beck as Mr. Roarke’s assistant on the other side of the island.  In the second Sunday Special, Kimberly Beck is nowhere to be seen and the hosting duties are handled by Roarke and Tattoo.

As usual, Tattoo starts the episode by revealing his latest scheme.  He’s read a book on Sherlock Holmes and has decided that he wants to be a master of disguise.  He begins the show by disguising himself as Sherlock Holmes.

Later, he sneaks into Mr. Roarke’s office while disguised as a one-eyed, hook-handed pirate.

By the end of the episode, Tattoo has been reduced to dressing up like a chicken.

Mr. Roarke sees through all the disguises and, as usual, he comes across as being more annoyed than amused by his assistant.  It’s often been said that Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize could not stand working together on Fantasy Island and, having spent nearly a year watching this show, I can say that it’s pretty obvious that was the case.  Even while trading jokes, there’s an undercurrent of hostility to all of their interactions.

But what about the fantasies?  Well, they’re a bit childish but let’s get to them.  As with the previous Sunday Special, the children arrive via hot air balloon.  No, Tattoo does not yell, “The balloon!  The balloon!”  In fact, the whole thing with the balloon seems to be silly and incredibly impractical.  I mean, where is the balloon taking off from?

Departing from the balloon are the Collins Family.  Robbie (Scott Baio), Willie (Jimmy Baio), Scooter (Keith Coogan), and Jodie (Jill Whelan) have come to the Island because Robbie has a fantasy about all of them becoming rock stars.  Upon arrival, Mr. Roarke tells them that he has already taken the demo that they sent him and turned it into an album.  They’re a big hit in the UK and on Fantasy Island.  But can they impress the American record executive that Mr. Roarke has invited to hear them?

It’s going to be difficult because, as Robbie discovers, the album features a remastered version of their demo, one that makes them sound like better musicians than they actually are.  Robbie panics.  “How are we going to sound like that?”  Mr. Roarke tells them to figure it out.  Robbie’s solution is to just lip-sync to the album.

Now, to be honest, this seems like not only a practical solution but it’s also what a lot of bands do in real life.  But Mr. Roarke is scandalized to discover that the kids paid Tattoo ten dollars to play the album back stage while they pretended to perform.  Robbie’s conscience gets the better of him and he confesses his crime to the record exec.  The record exec doesn’t care.  He hires the kids on a songwriters, because who wouldn’t want a bunch of pre-teen songwriters on the payroll?

However, the Collins Family has another problem.  It turns out that they’re runaways!  After their parents were lost at sea, the Collins kids were sent to four different orphanages.  The kids escaped to Fantasy Island but now, Mrs. Ridges (Joanna Barnes) has come to the Island and is planning on taking the kids back.  Fortunately, Mr. Roarke explains that he is the ruler of Fantasy Island and that the law doesn’t apply in his domain.  Even more fortunately, a telegram suddenly arrives, informing the kids that their parents did not drown but instead washed up on an isolated beach in Mexico.  Their parents have been rescued and the kids are no longer wards of the state!  Yay!

(That’s some incredible Dues ex Machina there, no?)

While this is going on, Darius (Jarrod Johnson) wants to run the Fantasy Island Amusement Park.

Wait …. Fantasy Island has an amusement park?

Yep, and it’s kind of a dump.  Seriously, the park looks like it reeks of spilled beer, stale weed, and lost dreams.  It’s a true nightmare alley.

Darius’s main reason for wanting to run the park is so he can give his dad, motorcycle stunt driver The Great Scott (Ted Lange), a job.  The Great Scott is hired to jump over the Fantasy Island lagoon but, when he sees Darius nearly fall off the Ferris wheel, he realizes that it’s more important to be there for his son than to risk his life.  (That said, The Great Scott does risk his life by climbing up the Ferris wheel to save Darius.)  Mr. Roarke then offers The Great Scott a new job, as the manager of the amusement park.  Of course, I watched this whole fantasy thinking to myself that The Great Scott already had a great job, working as a bartender on the Love Boat.

That said, let’s give some credit to Ted Lange, who actually gives a pretty emotional and kind of touching performance as The Great Scott.  Lange may be best known for playing Isaac but he’s also a graduate of London’s Royal Academy and I’ve heard that he was a wonderful Othello on stage.  My point is that, even if he is best known for the way he would point at people while serving drinks, Ted Lange can act and this episode certainly proves that.

Overall, this episode was clearly meant to appeal to kids and, as a result, it felt a bit childish.  This was not only the last episode of season 2 but it was also the last of the Sunday Specials and that’s probably a good thing.

Next week, we start season 3!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.24 “Bowling/Command Performance”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the Island plays hosts to both a bowling tournament and a circus reunion!

Episode 2.24 “Bowling/Command Performance”

(Dir by Michael Vejar, originally aired on May 12th, 1979)

This week, after spotting the approaching plane, Tattoo attempts to show off the new rocket fuel he’s invented.  Unfortunately, the fuel doesn’t work and the rocket doesn’t take off.  I guess that’s actually a good thing, considering that there’s a plane flying over the island.

“Let’s greet our guests,” a visibly annoyed Roarke says.

This week, Fantasy Island is playing host to two big events.  First, there’s the Fantasy Island Bowling Tournament, in which three of the world’s greatest bowlers will face off against Lou Fielding (Al Molinaro).  Lou is not a bowling champion.  In fact, he’s not even a very good bowler.  I don’t know much about bowling but even I know that the goal is not to get the ball in the gutter.  However, Lou’s fantasy is to win the championship.  Mr. Roarke plants stories in the local press that Lou has been causing a stir on the European bowling circuit and, at the tournament, Lou discovers that strikes are all that he can roll.  Unfortunately, Lou’s fantasy is due to end at midnight and, because of an electrical short, the championship game is delayed until the final morning.  Can Lou get the three strikes that he needs, even though he no longer has the benefit of the Island’s magic?

While this is going on, Naomi Gittings (Joan Blondell) is hosting a reunion of all of the people who used to perform in her circus.  That’s right …. the Island is crawling with acrobats, lion tamers, and clowns!  There’s especially a lot of clowns.  But I think most viewers will be more interested in Roddy McDowall, playing the role of a former tight-rope walker named Richard Simmons.  Richard used to be on the best but then he lost his balance, fell off his rope, and smashed his leg.  Now, he’s a drunk who walks with a limp and is forced to beg his old friends for money.  When members of the circus start to get murdered, Richard is the natural suspect.  But, as Mr. Roarke reveals, there’s more to this mystery than meets the eye….

I liked this episode.  Both of the stories were entertaining and, after last week’s children’s episode, it was kind of nice to once again be dealing with adults.  The bowling fantasy had the potential to be too silly for its own good but Al Molinaro and, in the role of his wife, Rue McClanahan played their roles with surprising conviction.  The highlight of the episode was Roddy McDowall, giving a serious performance as poor Richard.  All in all, this was a good trip to Fantasy Island.

Next week, the second season comes to an end with a second visit to …. ugh …. “the other side of the Island.”

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.22 “The Comic/The Golden Hour”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Fantasy Island brings us a mix of crime and comedy!

Episode 2.22 “The Comic/The Golden Hour”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired May 5th, 1979)

Since this series began, I’ve been wondering what the legal status of Fantasy Island is.  Is it a territory of the United States?  Is it a part of the British Commonwealth?  Is it an independent nation?  Finally, in this episode, the question is answered.  Fantasy Island is an independent nation, though one that appears to be closely aligned to the United States.  And Mr. Roarke is the sole legal authority.  In short, Mr. Roarke is a bit of a dictator and the Island’s laws are pretty much determined by his whims.

This becomes apparent when a plane is forced to make an emergency landing on the island.  The plane is carrying a prisoner named Mike Banning (Michael Parks) to the United States.  When Federal Marshall Victor Grennan (Morgan Woodward) announces that there is no way he’s going to let Mike out of his handcuffs, Mr. Roarke announces that he’s in charge of the Island and, on the Island, no one is handcuffed.  Reluctantly, Grennan sets Mike free.

It also turns out that Mr. Roarke had a specific reason for wanting Mike on the island.  While in prison, he developed a pen pal relationship with a woman named Sandy Larson (Toni Tennille).  Mike’s letters provided a lot of comfort to Sandy after an auto accident left her in a wheelchair.  In fact, Sandy is in love with Mike and she’s on the Island!  Roarke arranges for Mike and Sandy to finally meet face-to-face.  Unfortunately, Sandy is self-conscious about her wheelchair and Mike feels like he’s a loser with no future.  Mike even tries to escape at one point, running through the jungle until he’s eventually captured by the Marshal.  Still, despite all of that, Mike and Sandy realize that they really do love each other.  Mike is willing to finish out his three years in prison if it means that Sandy will be waiting for him on the outside.  Fortunately, a bit Deus ex Machina comes into play as evidence is miraculously found that proves that Mike wrongfully convicted.  Yay!

While all of that’s going on, joke writer Jerry Burton (Fred Grandy) fantasizes about quitting his job working for comedic legend Danny Baker (Jack Carter) and instead pursuing a stand-up career of his own.  Mr. Roarke arranges for Jerry to perform at a bar on the northside of the Island.  Roarke explains that the bar is popular with the workers at the local pineapple plantation.  (See?  We’re learning even more about the Island!)  However, when the bar is shut down due to a brawl, Jerry instead finds himself performing at the big Fantasy Island talent show.  In fact, he’ll even be substituting for Danny, who was scheduled to host but has been held up on another part of the Island.

At first, Jerry bombs.  He has no confidence.  But then Danny joins him on stage and they bring down the house.  Jerry and Danny arrived on the Island as employee and employer but now, they’re leaving a comedy team.  Yay!  Plus. Jerry reconnects with his old high school girlfriend (Pat Klous).  Yay again!

The comedy stuff was fun, largely because Fred Grandy was as likable and goofy here as he was as Gopher on the The Love Boat.  However, what really made this episode memorable was the method intensity that Michael Parks brought to the role of Mike Banning.  While all the other guest stars goof around and enjoy the scenery, Parks plays his role with a seething rage.  It’s unexpected but it works.

All in all, this was a good episode.  The combination of Fred Grandy and Michael Parks turned out to be just what Fantasy Island needed.