People of Earth, Season 1 Episode 10; Snake Man and Little Guy


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Gentle Readers, this has been a sad year.  We lost so many great artists from David Bowie to Carrie Fisher, we had a sickening election year, and it seems like 2016 itself has anthropomorphized into a evilly sapient entity bent upon death and misery.  There has never been a time more critical for a good…no great comedy/drama- People of Earth is that show.  This show has made me laugh and sometimes brought me to no kidding emotional moments.

The writing is amazingly quick and sharp.  There are true – No Shit Legit geniuses working in their Writers’ Room, but that would fall flat without the vaudevillian levels of perfect timing and delivery of the cast.  I knew that Oscar Nunez, Ana Gasteyer, H Jon Benjamin, Brian Huskey, and Wyatt Cynac would deliver great drama and comedy, but the deep newcomer talent stood alone and improved upon the ensemble: Da’vine Joy, Daniel Sherman, Bjorn Gustafsson, Nancy Lenehan, Tracee Chimo, Ken Hall, Alice Wetterlund, Debra McCabe, and Luka Jones all provided excellent performances that were believable, funny, and pulled you into their world.

There was one actor that brought no kidding teary eyed moments: Michael Cassidy.  I saw him on Smallville and bit parts, but on People of Earth, he delivered powerful performances week after week.  Watch this man because you’re seeing the next Tom Hanks.  The obvious casting would be for action roles, but if he’s judicious and picks roles that let him push his drama and comedy chops, the next Tom Hanks he shall be.  You read it here first!

Cold Open: LOTR-G confesses that he hasn’t worked in months, is in love with a subject, and will shave his head (pick the lie). Scroty won’t hear it because he’s about to consummate his revenge again Gina using Nancy as his weapon.   Scary!  Ozzie shows up and Scroty wants to kill them both.  LOTR-G subtly turns off the wifi, thwarting Scroty from his double homicide.  It’s pretty awesome that it’s just a wifi router that could’ve been bought at a Walgreens! AWESOME!  Ozzie shows Gina the drawings of him with his lizard friend.

Chelsea calls her husband on the way back from the concert and hears him with another woman, poising her for revenge sex with Father Doug.

Richard is on the side of the road and gets picked up by Margaret who tries to explain that Nancy is just not that into him, but it falls upon deaf ears.

Jonathan is eating cheap food with Officer Glimmer and we learn: Officer Glimmer is NOT an alien just a dead beat lousy gambler who sold out to Aliens!!!  LOTR-G approaches and tells Jonathan that Scroty’s going to kill subjects (Ozzie and Gina).  Jonathan is visibly upset and goes to Ozzie’s rescue!

Ozzie and Gina are at the burger shack and decide to use hard-core therapy to get his memories out. Gina discloses that the last time she used this therapy it led to her patient’s death.  They push forward anyway.

Jonathan confronts Nancy.  It triggers his memory.  He enters the shop and heads to the employees only door.  The memory stops.  Gina makes him go to the door.

LOTR-G is about to break up with Kelly, but instead they follow their hearts to Iceland. I’ve considered visiting Iceland, but I can be bored locally. Take that Iceland! SLAM! That’s right, that burn was cold …. as Ice! ICELAND YOU’VE BEEN FREEZER BURNED!!!

Jonathan tries to reason with Scroty that killing subjects is against the rules. Scroty insists that the rules don’t apply because the Main Ship is coming.  They fight. Ahem: Scroty Man, Scroty Man, doing the things a Scroty can. What’s he like? Kind of a dick, Scroty Man. Scroty Man meets Jon-a-than, they have a fight Jon-a-than wins, Jon-a-than. [Sung] 

Father Doug is practicing his keyboard and Chelsea arrives.  She explains that her marriage is over.  She throws herself at him and he catches it.

Richard arrives at Gina’s and sees Jonathan and Nancy fighting.  Jonathan tries to reason with Scroty that he knows that he was in love with Kurt.  It doesn’t go well.  Scroty can’t handle Kurt’s death let alone that he was in love with a man.

Ozzie goes to the Employees Only Door, Gina distracts the store owner, and Ozzie bursts into the room.  FLASH! Ozzie remembers his young self walking into the Employees only room years ago seeing the Reptilians in the back- some propose to kill him and Jonathan stops them. They respond like the serious yet lighthearted corporate frat guys I went to school with and still think of fondly of saying – Louis, I gotta say this one’s on you.  Jonathan prevents them from killing Ozzie and convinces them to take him to the ship.  Officer Glimmer finds Ozzie and arrests him.

Gerry is on his way to a date with Joy and his pulled into bailing out Ozzie and Gina.  He wants Gerry to help him, but he’s all about insurance now.

Chelsea is trying to convince Father Doug that it’s okay that she likes him.  Father Doug is trying to hold back.

Richard continues to watch Nancy and Jonathan fight.  Jonathan wins, but Nancy’s self-destruct activates.

Gina hypnotizes Ozzie. They are on the ship and all of the Starcrossed member are being catalogued on the ship as children including GINA…DUN DUN DUN!!!

Jonathan is missing part of his face and it appears that both Richard and Jonathan might’ve been killed in the blast.  *sniff*

The Main Ship docks and…..Scroty doesn’t recognize them at all.

Jonathan is rebooting Nancy and she recounts the Starcrossed members’ names and it’s confirmed that they were all abducted as children.

SONG:  The songs on this series are awesomeballs! EG:

Chelsea and Father Doug get it on.

Richard is found by Gina and Ozzie.  Ozzie learns that Jonathan is an Alien, LOTR-G and Kelly go to Iceland, Joy is stood up, and Gerry is abducted!!! CRAZYTOWN!!!

There’s also a hilarious post-credit clip!!

Great Show!

 

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People of Earth, Season 1 Episode 9, Lost and Found


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Open: Richard and Robot Nancy are on a date; however, Scroty is controlling Nancy’s reactions and movements (Descartes would have a field day with this episode).  They have an awkward kiss and we learn that Scroty likes Ayn Rand.  Scroty continues to ask questions about Gina and it occurs to Richard that Nancy is jealous and The One.  Scroty resolves to hunt Gina down and kill her.

Ozzie is having food with his mom and needs to get critical documents, leading him to go to his father’s place.

Chelsea visits Father Doug.  Father Doug is getting the band back together… by an Outlet Mall! Chelsea is crushing on him big time!

Gerry is selling insurance … rather well.

Starcrossed is a shambles: they meet at the furniture store and a barn.  The barn is the Last Straw (wakka wakka wakka)! They disband.

Jonathan sees LOTR-G and is shocked that he’s working at a coffee shop.  LOTR-G is really sweet and reminds me of people I knew in Vermont: quiet, in touch with their feelings, and salt of the earth types.  Jonathan gets LOTR-G to give him a free coffee and his tips.

Ozzie visits his father who’s into buddhism for now.   His father is a slob who keeps important documents in garbage bags.  Ozzie finds a photo of him on a drug store horse ride, triggering a Beacon memory and a family meeting.

Father Doug is playing at the lounge and Chelsea show and groupies big time. It’s sweet.

Ozzie’s parents explains that they lost him at the grocery store.  He describes a lizard person and they give him many drawings of him with this Lizard Man friend (Jonathan). In the past, Ozzie had gone into the back room and sees all of the Reptilians, including Jonathan (lizard Jonathan).

Chelsea goes to Father Doug’s motel room that he’s staying at for his gig and they pork.  It’s very human.  This show really knows how to balance the drama with the comedy.

We close with Gina enjoying a glass of wine while Nancy is lying in wait in the closet.  Scary!

No awesome song this week, but a good episode in any case.

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People of Earth, Season 1 Episode 8, “Mars or Bust”


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Hello Gentle Readers! I’ve been MIA getting ready for the holiday spirit with Dental Surgical Planning!  Before I’m sailing away on Vicodin, I’m giving you another genius review!!!

We begin with Ozzie doing a victory lap for exposing Jonathan.  However, Ozzie gets some retribution when he’s asked whether he believes about Aliens and almost immediately caves.  He has an opportunity to work on the New York Times, but the recruiter is embarrassed by his belief in aliens and splits.

Jonathan is at a hotel room with Nancy.  He’s counting his millions in cash.  Nancy attacks Jonathan.  It turns out that she is a robot and has been taken over by Scroty. DUN DUN DUN.  She tears Jonathan’s human suit, deprives him of his golden parachute, and pretty much bones him.  Jonathan escapes penniless.  *sniff* Scroty plans to use Nancy for his purposes and infiltrate Starcrossed.

Ozzie returns to Starcrossed a hero!  The hippie lady brings the point home that his career is destroyed.

Father Doug takes out the trash and is abducted by …. aliens? Maybe?

Gerry is a bit of mess and is dumped by Joy.  Sad.

Gina chastens Ozzie for revealing his alien beliefs on a podcast and not with the group.  Nancy arrives at Starcrossed and begins to open up to the group and begins to come to terms with Kurt’s death.  Richard is really attracted to Nancy and it’s funny.

Father Doug turns to the Starcrossed for help, but it is clear that he was just kidnapped. He goes to the police and Starcrossed.  Jon H Benjamin explains that he might have to contact the Archdiocese.  Father Doug caves and kicks out Starcrossed.  Sad.

The New York Times recruiter convinces Ozzie to go back to New York and walk back his story.

Richard tries to mack on Nancy and gives away that Gina drives the car that killed Kurt.

I’m going to try for one more post before I leave for dental surgery.

 

People of Earth; Season 1 Episode 7, Last Day on Earth


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People of Earth is usually 80/20- Comedy/Drama; however, this particular episode was full-on tug at your heartstrings 80/20 Drama/Comedy.  If not done well, this switch can undermine or derail a show, but Norm Hiscock  (writer) really delivered something unique and tenderhearted.  In fact, I’ve been thinking about his episode for most of the time since I watched it.  You begin thinking that the story will be all about Jerry saying goodbye; instead, Norm gives us an episode about love, family, and basic human… even tribal bonds.

When I first learned screenwriting, my teacher made me make list all of the things that would worry a caveman.

I responded: finding a mate, a bad king, predators, and natural disasters.

He responded: SEE!

Then, he wrote on the board “When Harry Met Sally”, “Nixon”, “Predator”, and “Day After Tomorrow”.  “We are moved by movies because they tap into our genetic fears and desires.”

This episode did that for me.

We open with Gerry telling Ozzie about a clear pattern of abductions that all occur at a specific area and he wants to be the next in the line.  This abduction will be permanent because no one ever returned when they were taken at this time.  Gerry states that he has quit his job and Ozzie shows concern for this, but Gerry is determined to be a full-fledged Starcrossed member, even though it means never returning to Earth.

Gerry cleans himself up and does A LOT of grooming, including an abundance of nail clipping.  Then, he packs a Go Bag and with his “Family Photo”- it’s a selfie-stick shot of him with the Starcrossed group.  This shows a clear, visual example of familial/tribal love.

Gerry’s determined to tell Yvonne his feelings, but chickens out.  This is the emotional and physical love.

Coffeehouse: Kelly visits LOTR-Guy at his coffeehouse.  Kelly tries to apologize and LOTR-Guy shuts her down with an apology on behalf of all men because he was a nosy-pants and male privilege something.  Kelly is now all over LOTR-Guy like a Today’s Man Suit.

Ozzie follows up on a lead about Senator Pelosi’s connection to Glint and how Jonathan suppressed stories at Glint.  My favorite: This Privileged American Life – Ira Glass.  If you’ve never heard This American Life, you should, BUT be prepared to become depressed.  “However, this shouldn’t matter because happiness is a lie we tell ourselves so we can wake up everyday.” Just kidding, Ira never said this because he’s much more upbeat than I am.  

Nancy overhears that Ozzie is getting close to uncovering the conspiracy.  Jonathan is ordered to get a donut.. again.  Jonathan tries to stall and arranges a lunch with Ozzie.

Gerry says goodbye to Richard and gives him all of his alien research.

The Lunch: Jonathan tries to bully Ozzie using the carrot and stick technique formerly used by Henry Kissinger.  The Stick: Jonathan threatens to expose/discredit Ozzie for being a member of “Space Losers”.  The Carrot: “Brews Skettah”.  It fails.  Jonathan shall eat his “Brews Skettah” all alone.   Michael Cassidy has some real drama chops.  He should consider some drama or Jason Bourne-ish action movie stuff.  What was great about this scene is that when Jonathan is saying “After all that I’ve done for you” He means it literally because he helped raise and protect Ozzie since he was a child, explaining why Jonathan has empathy unlike his purely Reptilian counterpart Nancy.  This hammers home the fatherly love that Jonathan has for Ozzie and this was shown in previous episodes wherein he gives Ozzie veggie drinks and mentoring.

Gerry goes to Yvonne’s house and he nearly chickens out, but Yvonne helps him along and they make sweet love.  However, he still wants to try to get abducted and say goodbye for good.

The Date:  LOTR-Guy is REALLY in touch with his feelings.  They try to dance and it’s awesome.  It reminded me so much of the dancing I saw at clubs in Europe … like seizures. Kelly shows a protective and physical love for LOTR-Guy by trying to get him to assert himself in many different ways.  At one point, a waiter spills a drink on him and he goes beyond Canadian levels of politeness, saying that “I was sitting way too close to the spill.” She pushes him to insist on getting the drinks for free and owning it! Boom! It’s awesome.

The Donut:  The Alien Overlord orders Jonathan to pick a weapon to use to kill Ozzie.  Jonathan doesn’t want to and he remembers being on the Ship with Young Ozzie.  He comforts Ozzie when he’s scared and promises him that he won’t hurt him.  Michael really delivers this scene well.  He knows how to play the silence without dragging it. Good beat.  Jonathan chooses the gun and it’s hard to watch.

Jonathan goes to Ozzie’s hovel.  I won’t lie – I gasped a little, when he reached in his coat pocket and was relieved when he pulled out a jumpdrive.  Jonathan gives Ozzie the proof he needs confessing how he suppressed stories.  This is an obvious act of fatherly love and has improved Ozzie’s life.  Jonathan, like all good Dads, with his mission of pushing his son forward complete, takes a step back and sets him free to succeed or fail without him.

Yvonne and Gerry are in bed and she gives him a lift to the abduction location, even though this may be their last time together; it’s very sweet.  H. Jon Benjamin provides some comic relief along the way.

Kelly forces LOTR-Guy to be empowered and self-confidant.  There’s just love burgeoning everywhere in this episode.

Donut Part 2:  The Overlord is furious and wants to kill Jonathan and Ozzie.  Jonathan thwarts this by revealing that there is a code he needs to enter every 12 hours or their lizard plan will be published worldwide.  Jonathan flashes to when he and Young Ozzie were on the ship and Ozzie made him a drawing of them holding hands like father and son. He puts on a brave front, but leaves the meeting with some fear and pain on his face because he has left his family to save his adoptive son Ozzie, but in doing so, he will be forever alone.

Gerry gets to the abduction site…..and they never come.

Once again, the near credits delivers an amazing song that presented what could’ve worked as the scenes for the series finale.  Not a bad song, not Kmala my Friend or the Ship song from earlier episodes, but a solid – not bad.

We see Ozzie’s article with a big picture of Jonathan as a story suppressor, ruining him forever. Jonathan packs up his things from his office and says goodbye to his moving desk.

The group stares at Gerry’s empty chair and is relieved when he returns, completing their tribe.  They console him for not getting abducted, but he states sheepishly and in love, “It wasn’t all bad.” *sniff*

LOTR-Guy returns to the ship all swagger.  It’s pretty badass.  Scroty shows him respect for the first time and informs him that the Main Ship is coming.  We also learn that Gerry would’ve been abducted if LOTR-Guy had been at his post.

BOOM!

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People of Earth, Unexplained; Season 1 Episode 5; ALT Title: I.T. Phone Home


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This episode is all about do it yourself IT.  For MAC readers, IT means information technology and there are people who are highly paid to resolve problems with Windows because it sucks.  Now, Windows charges you a subscription fee!!!! Fuckers!

LOTR-Guy is cataloging his experiences meeting with humans.  Humans, being solipsistic pieces of shit,  only want to have him participate in things that they like.  However, one human was different: Kelly!  She wanted to know what LOTR-Guy was into and this reminiscence causes LOTR-Guy to get all moony over her.

We learn that Ozzie has a chip implant, which if properly rebooted will wipe his pesky flashbacks.  Scroty takes it upon himself to fix the chip and wipe Ozzie’s memory, but this being People of Earth, he’s aggressively incompetent.  Scroty is short with LOTR-Guy saying that he should look for Kurt’s killer and so LOTR-Guy goes to earth.  Meanwhile, Scroty continues to blunder through the computer that’s linked to Ozzie’s brain, causing terrible hallucinations for Ozzie.

At the church, Chelsea builds a deeper relationship with Father Doug.  He suggests that she goes to a bible study class and she declares it a date.  The bible study is for children and it’s an awesome disaster!

LOTR-Guy is walking around town and sees Kelly hanging in a coffee shop.  He thinks, Kelly likes coffee, I like Kelly, I will work at that coffee shop, and I will be around Kelly. You just gotta love these dopey aliens.

At Starcrossed, Kelly laments that her boyfriend says – Oregon like OR A GONE.  This is a real dealbreaker for Pacific Northwesterners.  It’s Or uh gun.  The other big NO NO for PNWs is to bitch about the rain. Rain is our jam! In fact, it’s the first thing you think of when you think of the PNW.   Richard hilariously says, We don’t say – A LAB BUH MA.  Ozzie’s hallucinations and brain functions worsen and he sees all of the group is dressed like him complete with beards!

Ozzie goes to the hospital and they xray his head and see a metal disc and they seek to remove it.  All the while, Scroty is coming closer to wiping Ozzie’s memory.  Just as he’s about to finish wiping, they remove the disc.

LOTR-Guy is spying on Kelly and she breaks up with Mr. OR A GONE.  LOTR-GUY brings Kelly a sympathy coffee and she gives him the finger for eavesdropping and he innocently gives it back to her.

Father Doug patches things up with Chelsea, describing Mary as being brave and woman of faith for holding to her beliefs even though people were incredulous that she was a virgin mother.

Scroty turns to Jon because the chip is in human hands and it’s hilarious! Jon sends Reptile-Lady to retrieve the chip.  A child ends up taking the chip and gets away.

Starcrossed- Ozzie is not entirely convinced that it was aliens who put a chip in his head, but oh well.

We see the child playing with the chip and he shines a light through it and we see a deer head!

This was another great episode.  The only critique is that the closing song was just not great or even good.

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People of Earth, Past, Present, and Future – Season 1 Episode 4; ALT Title: Flashbacks and You!


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You must believe the hype!  You have to watch People of Earth or ALL of Santa’s Reindeer will become a delicious sausage!  You were warned!  There’s even a awesomeballs 8-Bit Video Game!

http://peopleofearthgame.com/

We learn about Gina in this episode and it is awesome!  This episode is especially well-crafted by Emily Heller.

Gina is being examined by Scroty and LOTR-Guy with “Do it to me one more time” in the BG.  Scroty leans in and says, “You are special.” Gina responds- BULLSHIT!!!

We smash cut to Crate & Barrelish, where Gina is zoned out in her flashback because her abduction theme song is playing, which triggered her flashback.  I have flashbacks from the Army every now and again and Emily Heller is not that far off.  Anything can trigger them. 

Ozzie is trying yoga to relax, but it fails.  He pays rent and goes to work and has an ancient computer.  He has an equally ancient co-worker who asks him if he misses his old job, which triggers a flashback.  This is an especially cool flashback because it show Jon’s fatherly love for Ozzie as he tries to literally make him eat his vegetables in blended form.  AWWWW.

Jonathan is ordered to have a donut, which is Alien for calling him out onto the carpet for a reaming by a supervisor Reptilian.  What is truly awesome about the supervisor’s office is that it, like the Alien’s mission, is ramshackle!  The aliens, like us, are mediocre.  Supervisor insists that if he doesn’t put a stop to Ozzie’s abduction exploration; they will “handle” it.  All the alien’s speak in corporate-ease.

Ennis shows up at Crate and Barrelish for Gina’s help, triggering another flashback.

The Past: Gina was hot shot Upper West Side psychotherapist.  Gina specializes into getting people to face their fear.  Brian, a patient, is scared of heights and is a Fear of Commitment (FOC).  Gina demands that he skydive with his girlfriend to save his relationship.  She convinces Brian to jump.  SMASH CUT: Brian’s funeral.  This sends Gina into a spiraling downward booze-filled depression.

Jonathan goes to Ozzie’s workplace.  He walks with him and explains that he will buy the local paper.  They run into Richard and Gerry.  Gerry misjudges Jonathan as a human.  Jonathan knows all about Richard’s business, which is a great callback to the earlier comment to the Pilot where Richard says that his bosses were reptilians!  I told you that you needed to take adderall to catch all the jokes and references! YOU WERE WARNED!

Flashback: Gina’s depression continues.  She shuts down her practice and moves to Beacon.  Then, she gets abducted and has such low-self esteem that her reaction to being told that she is special is to respond with… BULLSHIT!  Survivor’s remorse….IT IS A BITCH!

Gina’s abduction experience snaps her depression and gets her into helping others who have suffered the same fate by starting Starcrossed.

Jonathan buys the paper and upgrades it, thinking that his presence will drive Ozzie out of town.  It doesn’t.  Instead of driving Ozzie away, it triggers another memory of Jonathan putting on his human face.  So, Jonathan is Ozzie’s …Dad, maybe?

Ozzie returns to Starcrossed and engages with the group as part of their tribe.  *sniff*

Ozzie decides to investigate Jonathan to prove that Aliens are among us and, in some cases, employ us.

Almost forgot, the credits have another amazing song!!!

Once again, gentle-readers, if you like my reviews, tell my boss Lisa Marie Bowman! This show delivers every week.  It is the funniest and most immersive show on television. Period.  No Shit, Legit!

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People of Earth, Acceptance-Season 1 Episode 3; ALT Title: WHAAAA?!!!


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This is not typical for me: there is a show without fault.  There have been two brilliant works to premiere in 2016! 2016 has gotten a lot of shit, but I can’t see how it’s that different from any other year.  People died and we elected a rich racist old white guy as President -seems pretty par for the shitty course. Don’t get me wrong; I’m furious, but not surprised that people chose a POS last Tuesday. This is part of the reason why People of Earth is great; there’s a sense of universal mediocrity that we all deal with everywhere.  The hero is in a haze of discontent and mediocrity even before the aliens get to him and the aliens are a mixture of petty and incompetent.  The show posits a comfortable universal mediocrity.  We aren’t unique with having annoying coworkers or a douchebag boss or shitty job- this is just life: UNIVERSAL… EVERYWHERE.  As they told me in the Army: Embrace the Suck!

This episode deals with divorce.  Divorce sucks.   Imagine a break up, but it’s uncertain for the first time in your life what is yours and if you’ll ever be loved by another human being again for free, not that prostitutes don’t have feelings or negotiable rates… wait…. where was I?  In this context, People of Earth explores the painfully banal human concept of divorce with the backdrop of the extraordinary story of slow-moving alien domination.

Open: Ozzie is having dreams about the Lizard alien who is almost certainly Jon teaching him how to use a toy train and he wakes in a cold sweat.

Current day: Jon gets the news from Archer’s VO Guy AVOG that Kurt is dead.  Scroty prepares himself with an almost eye-roll for LOTR-Guy’s Hilarious 5 stages of grief in under 30 seconds. It’s awesome.

The Group:  Richard reveals to the group that he was served divorce papers and ordered to mediation.  He reminisces to an idyllic past and camping trip that was the site of their abduction.  He’s convinced the divorce papers are in fact a lizard alien plot of some kind. Ozzie tries to bring Richard back to earth that these are in fact divorce papers, but he’s not ready.  Gina demands that Ozzie partner with Richard and guide him through this ordeal.

B Story: Gerry is out of jail.

The Mothership:  Scroty is suppressing his feelings, comparing Kurt’s not working to LOTR-Guy’s not working because they’re both….dead weight.  WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA! Anywho, LOTR-Guy is trying to get Scroty to express his grief; it doesn’t work.

B Story:  Gerry finds the Kurt-alien outline on the asphalt and Joy finds Gerry.  They chat and discern that it was likely a lizard death because of the acid blood that damaged the asphalt AND that a city official must have covered it up! The more important part of the scene was the burgeoning love between Gerry and Joy, which is a perfect counterweight to the A-Story where two signatures clearly define love’s end.

A Story- Mediation:  Richard goes on about Aliens and his soon to be ex loses it.  He agrees to sign it, but uses a fake name.

Richard’s Ex pursues him to the meeting and we learn that their marriage sucked before, she remembers the abduction, and used to be a member of Starcrossed!  WHAAAAAAA?!!! Richard leans on Ozzie and agrees to sign the papers.  Once again, something has died, but a friendship is born.

The Mothership:  LOTR-Guy gets Scroty to deal with his grief, but Scroty gets to the anger step …. and stays there.  He scans Kurt’s lifeless mind and sees Gina’s bumper sticker and vows revenge.

Ozzie flashes back to his youth and his dad was JON!!! WHAAAAA?!

Once again- A badass song! Wall of Voodoo- Ring of Fire:

People of Earth, “Sponsored By”, Season 1, Episode 2; It’s Funny Alien Stuff, Bruh!


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People of Earth once again delivers! Finding fault with People of Earth is like finding fault with making love, Italian food, or Al Green albums.  Bruh. TOTES AWESOMEBALLS, Bruh!!! Let’s grab some ‘Za! I figure I need to use slang like that now that our country is going to be run by a Nuclear Armed Frat House.  On fleek- Out; Sweet, Bruh- In.

NYC: Jon is phone stalking Ozzie to get him to return to Buzzfeedish.  Bruh.

Gina and Gerry intervene on Ozzie and cajole him to get a sponsor for the Starcrossed Program.  Bruh.

The meeting:  Ozzie makes a list of names to rule out as his sponsor.  As he is judging them, he notices that Chelsea’s recount of LOTR-Guy is remarkably similar to that of Kelly.  They begin to discuss it and Gina tries to put a stop to it because this is her club and she makes the rules darn it!  Kelly slut shames Chelsea and Richard steals the scene by misquoting Fleetwood Mac.  To her chagrin, Father Doug needs to speak to her about their organization.  They separate, tell their stories, do sketches of LOTR-Guy and discover- IT WAS THE SAME ALIEN BRUH, BRUH.  That’s enough.  We learn that Chelsea has a terrible marriage.

Ozzie crosses everyone off his list accept Kelly who becomes his sponsor.

We also learn that LOTR-Guy’s incompetence is what caused Ozzie’s visions.  It’s really really funny watching Scroty bust LOTR-Guy’s balls.  See what I did there?!!! 

Gerry returns to Starcrossed with Ozzie’s car and Archer’s Voice Guy tases him! AWESOME!!!

Jon busts Scroty and Kurt for doing a shitty job with Ozzie’s memory.  The response: Kurt beams down to earth and is promptly runover by Gina who’s texting and driving.  There’s a lesson here: Texting and Driving kills lizard people!

Archer’s Voice Guy shows up and cleans up Kurt’s acid-bleeding body.

We also get a great song once again- Khala My Friend!!!

People of Earth – Pilot, Season 1, Episode 1 – Review by


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People of Earth is the amazingly quick-witted and fast paced comedy show that you better watch or ALL of the unicorns will die… especially the cute baby unicorns- they’ll die first!

I was primed to like this show more than a 50% discount on Blue Jays tickets.  The comedy cast is overflowing with known national treasures: Wyatt Cynac, Ana Gasteyer, Brian Huskey, and Oscar Nunez, but is blessed with new talent who have quick comedic timing that matches perfectly with the snappy dialogue.  In short, this is NOT a show to knit to, tweet during, or otherwise be distracted by when watching; so, take your adderall and focus because this show is NO SHIT LEGIT!  SIDE NOTE: I’m seriously thinking about getting on the adderall bandwagon; weight loss inducing intellectual steroids sound pretty fucking awesome to me!

The pilot begins with Ozzie (Wyatt Cynac) having a nightmare about hitting a deer in Beacon, New York with a deer behind him saying, “Don’t get weird, but you’re about to hit a deer” and he wakes in a sweat.  He’s on assignment to Beacon to investigate a UFO Abductee support group.

At the support group, we learn that there are three types of Aliens: Reptilians, Whites (who look like Lord of the Rings Elf People), and Greys (who look like scrotums).  Also, we learn that the jokes fly fast.  The group therapy scenes are the heart of the sitcom.  The jokes play off of one another brilliantly!

Ozzie finishes his alien support group article and goes to his boss Jonathan Walsh (Michael Cassidy) in New York City who basically runs a Buzzfeedish clickbait listicle mill.  His boss doesn’t get humor and speaks in business school-ease at all times like a young Mitt Romney.  Jonathan wants Ozzie to return Upstate to Beacon and learn more about the people in the support group.

Upon returning to Beacon, Ozzie discovers that the abductees all have boring jobs or don’t work.  Ozzie learns about the abductions and that their stories are similar.  However, there are two people who don’t share abduction stories: the group leader Gina and Gerry who has never made contact with an alien, but wishes that he did.  There have been some reviewers who think this points to these two or either being aliens, but I don’t know or care because their delivery is fucking great and I don’t want to go down that rabbit hole.  Ozzie realizes that his nightmares match the stories that he is hearing.

Ozzie believes that HE was abducted.  Ozzie becomes furious when he discovers that his boss published his draft article about the group with their REAL names, causing Ozzie to quit his job with Buzzfeedish.  He decides to explore his abduction memories and takes a job in Beacon at the local paper.

The show ends with us learning that Jonathan is a Reptilian – DUN DUN DUN.

ROLL HILARIOUS CREDITS!

There are aliens on the mothership above earth being hysterical.  The funniest and snarkiest alien is the scrotum looking whom I shall call Scroty on the show he’s named Jeff, but Scroty is more apt.

This show is THE funniest show on television.  Period.  Remember, if you don’t watch, ALL the unicorns will die!

unicorny

Playing Catch-Up With The Lesser Films of 2015: Get Hard, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, Pixels, The Wedding Ringer


SPOILER ALERT!

One or more of the films reviewed below will appear on my list of the 16 Worst Films of 2015!  Can you guess which one(s)?

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Get Hard (dir by Etan Cohen)

Will Ferrell is funny and Kevin Hart is funny and you would think that putting them together in one movie would be especially funny but … nope.  Get Hard, which I watched on HBO a few weeks ago, is incredibly not funny.  Ferrell plays a hedge fund manager who is convicted of fraud and embezzlement and it’s a sign of how haphazard this film is that I was never really sure whether he was supposed to be guilty or not.  Anyway, Ferrell is terrified of going to prison but fortunately, he runs into Kevin Hart.  Hart is playing the owner of a car wash here, a mild-mannered family man who simply wants to be able to afford to send his daughter to a good school.  However, Ferrell assumes that, since Hart is black, Hart must be an ex-con.

So, Ferrell hires Hart to teach him how to survive in prison and Hart agrees.  And, to be honest, this is not a terrible idea for an edgy satire but the film pulls it punches and never really exposes or challenges the racism that led to Ferrell hiring Hart in the first place.  Instead, it’s more interested in making homophobic jokes about prison rape (there’s a particularly long and unpleasant scene where Ferrell attempts to learn how to give a blow job that feels like it was lifted from a deservedly forgotten 90s film) and eventually, it devolves into a painfully predictable action film.

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Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (dir by Andy Fickman)

I know what someone out there is saying.

“YOU’VE NEVER EVEN SEEN THE FIRST PAUL BLART: MALL COP!!!  WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO REVIEW THE SEQUEL!?”

Well, listen — it’s true.  I’ve never seen the first film and the only reason I watched the second one (on HBO at a friend’s house, which means that it literally cost me nothing) was because I had heard how terrible it was and I figured that I should see it before making out my list of the worst films of the year.  But, even with that in mind, I think I can still give this film a fair review.

(At the very least, I’ll try.  Dammit, I’ll try.)

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is one of those films that is so forgettable that you forget about it while you’re watching.  Kevin James plays Paul Blart, a mall security guard who goes to Las Vegas for a security guard convention and ends up getting involved in thwarting a big heist.  It’s a comedy, though I can’t think of a single time I laughed.  Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 was not quite the abomination that I had been led to expect.  It was, in no way, comparable to Birdemic, April Rain, or Man of Steel.  Instead, it was just an incredibly empty and soulless film.  It was a zombie movie that existed only to eat money.

One thing that is frustrating about a film like Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is that Kevin James seems like he could actually survive appearing in a good film, if he could just get a chance to make one.  He’s likable and he’s got an everyman quality about him.  But, for now, he seems to be trapped in films where he either plays Paul Blart or he’s surrounded by talking animals.

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Pixels (dir by Chris Columbus)

Speaking of Kevin James, he’s also in Pixels!  He plays William Cooper.  When he was a kid, he was obsessed with playing video games.  Now that he’s an adult, he’s the President of the United States!  And he still keeps in contact with his best friend from childhood, Sam.  Sam, needless to say, will never be President.  When Sam was a kid, he was traumatized when he lost a national video game championship.  Now that he’s an adult, he installs home-theater systems and he’s played by Adam Sandler…

When Earth is invaded, it turns out that the aliens are under the impression that video games are real!  So, they recreate a bunch of classic video game characters and send them off to do havoc.  Who better to stop them than the President and Sam?  And who better to help than a nerdy conspiracy theorist (Josh Gad) and Eddie Planet (Peter Dinklage), the same guy who cheated in order to defeat Sam at the video game championship….

If you’re thinking that sounds like way too much plot for a silly comedy about video games coming to life, you’re right.  Pixels has some cute moments (though, based on the comments and occasional laughter of the middle-aged people in the theater around me, I get the feeling that a lot of the film’s video game-themed humor was a bit too “before my time” for me to fully appreciate) but oh my God, it was such an unnecessarily busy movie.  The idea behind Pixels had some potential but the film refused to take advantage of it.

I’ve said this before and I always get some strange looks but I honestly do think that — if he would actually break out of his comfort zone and stop doing movies that mostly seem to be about finding an excuse to hang out with his friends — Adam Sandler could be an acceptable dramatic actor.  Check out his work in Punch-Drunk Love, Funny People, Reign Over Me, Spanglish, and even the first half of The Cobbler.  (Tarantino even wrote the role of Donny Donowitz in Inglourious Basterds with Sandler in mind.)  The fact that Sandler could be doing good work makes his continual bad work all the more frustrating and annoying.

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The Wedding Ringer (dir by Jeremy Garelick)

And speaking of Josh Gad…he’s also in The Wedding Ringer!  For that matter, so is Kevin Hart.  Hart plays a guy who, for a sizable fee, will pretend to the lifelong best friend (and best man) for grooms who do not have enough real friends to fill out a wedding party.  Hart refuses to get emotionally involved with his clients but that all changes when, despite himself, he becomes friends with Josh Gad, who is on the verge of getting married to Kaley Cuoco.

The Wedding Ringer got terrible reviews but it also was very popular with audiences and I imagine a lot of that had to do with the relationship between Hart and Gad.  Both of them give very sincere performances that elevate some otherwise unpromising material.  The Wedding Ringer wasn’t good (it’s predictable, it’s portrayal of Kaley Cuoco’s character verges on misogynistic) but, at the same time, it wasn’t as bad as it was made out to be.  In the end, it was pretty much a typical January film.

I'm so excited!  I'm so excited!  I'm so ... wait a minute, am I just here because this is a post about bad movies?

I’m so excited! I’m so excited! I’m so … wait a minute, am I just here because this is a post about bad movies?

Which of these four films will make my list of the worst 16 films of 2015?  The answer shall be revealed soon!