Command 5 (1985, directed by E.W. Swackhamer)


Morgan (Stephen Parr) is a mysterious government operative who puts together a special paramilitary force to take on extreme threats.  He says that only misfits are allowed to join his group because they have the edge he needs.  Smith (William Russ) is a wild Texan who drives like a maniac.  Psychiatrist Winslow (Sonja Smits) can fire an Uzi better than any man.  Kowalski (John Matuszak) is a demolitions expert who listens to Beethoven.  Jack Coburn (Wings Hauser) is a rebellious detective who is good with a throwing knife.

After a montage of their extensive training and a scene where our heroes take a look at the bullet-proof RV that they’ll be traveling the country in, the movie finally gets down to business.  A motorcycle-riding terror cult led by Delgado (Gregory Sierra) has taken an entire town hostage and is threatening to kill everyone unless they’re given a flight out of the country.  Our heroes drive their bulletproof van into town and try to defeat the bad guys.  There’s one good scene where the RV is driving down the town’s main street and getting hit nonstop with bullets.  The scene was obviously ripped off from the end of Clint Eastwood’s The Gauntlet but it’s still exciting to watch.  Otherwise, the action in this one is pretty rudimentary.

I guess Command 5 was supposed to be a pilot for television show that never went into production.  It is very much a television production.  There’s a lot of shooting but no blood.  Wings Hauser is less dangerous than usual.  The whole thing ends with Command 5 looking forward to adventures that were never to come.  Watching the pilot, you can see why it never became a show.  The characters were all thinly-written and never seemed to have much of a connection with each other and Hauser and Russ both seemed to be competing to be the loose cannon of the group.  This one is for Wings Hauser completists only.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.11 “The Songwriter/Queen of Soaps”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, things get a bit soapy on Fantasy Island.

Episode 6.11 “The Songwriter/Queen of Soaps”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on January 22nd, 1983)

Dan O’Dwyer (Anson Williams) is the grandson of composer, Jeremy Todd (David Cassidy).  Todd was a important figure during New York’s tin pan alley days but, in 1983, he’s a nearly forgotten figure.  He died in World War I and there are some people who claim that Todd didn’t actually write the songs that he’s been credited with.  Dan’s fantasy is to go back into the past so that he can meet his grandfather and bring some of his compositions back to the present day.  Mr. Roarke makes it clear that Dan cannot tell anyone that he’s from the future nor can he try to change history.  Jeremy Todd is going to die no matter what.

Dan agrees and he goes back to the past.  He meets his grandfather and they get along famously.  Dan even finds what he’s looking for, the compositions that prove that Jeremy wrote his own songs.  However, Dan also meets and falls in love with a singer named Carol (Donna Pescow).  Dan may have what he wants but he’s going to lose the love of his life once the fantasy ends.

Except …. what if Carol is someone with a fantasy of her own?  That’s right, Carol’s another guest on the Island!  I can’t say that I was surprised by this because this is a twist that the show has used several times.  Still, Anson Williams and Donna Pescow made for a cute couple and even David Cassidy wasn’t as annoying as usual in the role of Jeremy Todd.  This was a good fantasy.

And hey, the second fantasy was pretty good as well!  Gina Edwards (Susan Lucci) is a soap opera star who worries that she’s being taken over by Andrea, the evil character that she plays on her show.  The audience loves it when Andrea is wicked and dangerous but the pressure of playing a character so unlike herself is getting to Gina.  She fears that she is literally going to turn into Andrea and perhaps harm her husband, Jeff (Chris Robinson).  Jeff is also the director of the show so a lot of the pressure that Gina is feeling is coming from him.  Fortunately, Mr. Roarke is able to show Gina and Jeff that they are both just working too hard.  They decide to take a step back and just enjoy life.

This fantasy was fun.  It was not only about a soap opera but it paid homage to daytime melodrama as well.  (Tattoo, it turned out, was a huge fan of the show.)  Susan Lucci, not surprisingly, was totally convincing as a soap opera diva.  This fantasy had some enjoyably creepy moments and also a few humorous ones.  It was everything you could want from Fantasy Island.

This was a great trip to the Island!

I Watched Major League: Back To The Minors (1998, Dir. by John Warren)


Roger Dorn (Corbin Bernsen), the former third baseman for the Cleveland Indians, is the new owner of the Minnesota Twins.  There’s a hotshot hitter playing for the Buzz, the Twins’s Minor League affiliate.  Downtown Anderson (Walton Goggin) can hit the ball over the fences but he still needs to learn about teamwork before he’ll be ready to move up to the majors.  Roger recruits an old friend, an aging pitcher named Gus Cantrell (Scott Bakula), to manage the Buzz and mentor Downtown.  Under Gus’s leadership, the Buzz starts winning games.  Even some former Indians, like Pedro Cerrano (Dennis Haysbert) and Taka Tanaka (Takaaki Ishibashi), are recruited to play for the Buzz.  When the manager of the Twins, Leonard Huff (Ted McGinley), insults Gus and the Buzz over dinner, Gus challenges the Twins to an exhibition game, the minors against the majors.  Huff accepts the challenge.

I had always heard that Major League: Back To The Minors was the worst of three Major League films but I liked it.  It wasn’t as good as the first one but it wasn’t as boring as the second one.  A lot of it has to do with the cast, who give it their all.  Walton Goggins is great as the cocky Downtown Anderson but really, all of the actors playing entire team did a good job.  They’re all misfits, of course.  I especially liked Doc (Peter Mackenzie), a medical student-turned-pitcher who has the slowest fastball in the game.  This movie had a little of the warmth and insider humor that made the first Major League film so special.  It’s an underdog story, with the minor league players proving that they’re just as good as the spoiled players in the big leagues.

I didn’t find the idea of an exhibition game between the Twins and the Buzz to be believable.  In the movie, they actually play two games against each other and they both take place during the regular season.  When did they find the time to play each other?  I guess they gave up one of their travel days but it still doesn’t seem like something that would happen.

I enjoyed this movie more than I thought I would.  It helped that I love baseball.  And I love the minor leagues, even if they don’t get the same respect as the majors.  Some of the best baseball I’ve ever seen has been in minor league games.  They may not have the huge contracts but they’ve got the talent, they’ve got something to prove, and they’ve got the love of the game.

So, I Watched Underdogs (2013, Dir. by Doug Dearth)


In a rural Ohio, a working class high school football teams plays an exhibition game against the rich school on the other side of town.  The working class team is coached by Vince DeAntonio (D.B. Sweeney), a former NFL offensive coordination and the son of a coach.  Vince is a tough taskmaster who tells his players that winning is not going to easy and it’s not going to be fun but he also has the connections necessary to get Joe Namath to stumble into the locker room and give a speech to his team.  The quarterback (Charlie Carver) of the rich high school is the son of the businessman (Richard Portnow) who is planning on moving his factory down to Mexico and putting the entire town out of work.  The quarterback (Logan Huffman) of the working class high school team is the son of an inventor (Willlam Mapother) who is being sued by a corporation that wants to steal his invention.  Both of the quarterbacks like the same cheerleader (Maddie Hasson).  This game is about more than just who scores the winning touchdown.  It’s about town pride.

I love a good underdog story but Underdogs didn’t seem to know what story it wanted to tell.  It spent as much time with the inventor and his court case as it did with the football team and the whole thing ended up becoming a commercial for his product.  (The movie is based on a true story.)  When it actually did get around to the football scenes, it was all too predictable.  The team was bad and then the team was good and the entire game came down to one final throw of the football with the clock counting down.  One weird thing about the movie is that it put a lot of emphasis on Vince recruiting unlikely players to his team but once he had them on the team, we hardly ever saw them again.

At least the movie’s heart was in the right place and it didn’t turn the cheerleaders into stereotypes, like so many high school football movies do.  D.B. Sweeney was okay as the coach but I don’t know if William Mapother’s character was supposed to come across as being as strange as he did.  I’m glad the underdogs proved themselves but the movie could have been better.

6 Shots From 6 Films: Special 1968 Edition


6 Shots From 6 Films is just what it says it is, 6 shots from 6 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 6 Shots From 6 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, we pay tribute to the year 1968!  It’s time for….

6 Shots From 6 1968 Films

Night of the Living Dead (1968, dir by George Romero, DP: George Romero)

Petulia (1968, dir by Richard Lester, DP: Nicolas Roeg)

Once Upon A Time In The West (1968, dir by Sergio Leone, DP: Tonino Delli Colli)

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968, dir by Stanley Kubrick, DP: Geoffrey Unsworth)

Psych-Out (1968, dir by Richard Rush, DP; Laszlo Kovacs)

Dracula Has Risen The Grave (1968, dir by Freddie Francis, DP: Arthur Grant)

Scene That I Love: Douglas Trumbull’s Stargate Sequence From 2001: A Space Odyssey


Today would have been the 83rd birthday of special effects maestro, Douglas Trumbull.

Today’s scene that I love come from 1968’s 2001: A Space Odyssey.  The famous stargate sequence was designed by Trumbull and it remains one of the most influential science fiction moments of all time.  In one of their greatest oversights, the Academy neglected to include Trumbull when they nominated the film for its special effects.  As a result, the Oscar only went to Stanley Kubrick.  Trumbull was not happy about that and, sadly, Kubrick and Trumbull did not speak to each other for years afterwards.

Despite not being included in the nomination, Douglas Trumbull’s work has stood the test of time.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.15 “Christmas Watch”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

Merry Christmas!

Episode 3.15  “Christmas Watch”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on December 15th, 1979)

It’s Christmas in Los Angeles!  Bob (Don Reid) and Alice Piermont (Pamela Susan Shoop) are a married couple who drive around in a blue van and rob people.  They steal a 15 century bell from an orphanage!  How can the orphans have a merry Christmas without their bell!?

Don’t worry, Ponch is on the case!  Ponch will not only find their bell but he’ll date their teacher as well.  Of course, Ponch is feeling a little down because his family is in Chicago.  But then his mother (Anna Navarro) shows up and, in a rare nod to continuity from this show, his mother is played by the same actress who played her the last time that she came down to Los Angeles.  Ponch not only get to spend time with his mother but he also gets a boost when a businessman who was earlier cited for driving while intoxicated shows up at the station so that he can thank Ponch in person.  The lesson this Christmas?  Ponch can do no wrong.

The thieving couple is caught after the are involved in a accident and, instead of waiting for the police to arrive, they just slip a few thousand to the other driver and then try to escape.  No such luck.  They are captured and the kids get back their bell.  Merry Christmas to all, except for the couple going to jail.

This was a typical episode of CHiPs, in which the California sun continued to shine while everyone celebrated Christmas.  There were a few decent chases and some nice shots of the local scenery.  In the end, Ponch did everything right and got a date.  Merry Christmas!  It wasn’t a bad episode, especially if you’re a fan of Erik Estrada.  Larry Wilcox fans will probably be a little disappointed in how little there was for him to do.  It’s the holidays and CHiPs is all about Ponch.