Category Archives: TV Review

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 4.16 “The Goodbye Guy”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

This week, Epstein gets a story of his very own.

Episode 4.16 “The Goodbye Guy”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on February 1oth, 1979)

Barbarino is gone.  Gabe is gone.  It’s Epstein’s turn to step up and become the center of the show.

Epstein is upset because he has wrestling tickets but the other Sweathogs all have dates for the evening,  For some reason, Epstein decides to go the Kotter apartment even though Gabe is — *ahem* — out of town.  Was Epstein planning on asking Julie to go see a wrestling match with him?  We’ll never know because Julie is not at the apartment.  She’s at the faculty dance with Mr. Woodman.

Mr. Woodman’s niece, Kelly (Georganne LaPiere), is at the apartment, babysitting the rarely-seen Kotter twins.  (I was actually starting to think that Gabe might have abducted the twins and moved to Long Island with them, it’s been so long since we’ve seen or heard from any of them.)  Kelly is a college student but she looks considerably younger than Epstein, who is supposedly just a high school senior.  That said, it’s love at first sight between Kelly and Epstein.  Mr. Woodman’s not happy about that and orders Kelly to stay away from the Sweathog.  So, of course, Kelly moves in with Epstein.

It’s as culture clash, of course.  Kelly is smart and sophisticated.  Epstein has been in high school for ten years and says that his dream is to own a fleet of dump trucks.  After Kelly laughs at his dream and Epstein makes a scene at a vegetarian restaurant, it looks like their love might be doomed!

Well, that happens when you move in with someone after knowing them for two hours….

“I’m going to miss you, Fido,” Epstein says after they have one final conversation in the high school courtyard.  The audience says “Awwwww!” but I think Kelly made the right decision to walk way because Epstein is never going to graduate high school.  The show’s producers obviously intended to keep the Sweathogs in that school forever.  Add to that, how can you love a guy who nicknames you after a dog?

Speaking of nicknames, why does Epstein tolerate being called “Little Juan” by Horshack?  When this show began, Epstein was the most dangerous and unstable of the Sweathogs.  He was the one who was voted most likely to take a life.  I remember at least a few episodes where he brought a knife to school.  Epstein was always on the verge of exploding, which made his character an interesting one.  If Kotter could reach Epstein, he could reach anyone.  But now, Epstein is just as bland and well-behaved as everyone else in the show.  It’s a shame.

Oh well.  At least Woodman was happy by the end of this episode.

We’re nearly done with this show!  Only a few more episodes to go.  Will Gabe ever return?  We’ll find out.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.26 “Coven of Darkness”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, the second season comes to an end.

Episode 2.26 “Coven of Darkness”

(Dir by George Bloomfield, originally aired on June 12th, 1989)

Jack and Ryan have recovered a “witch’s ladder,” and they’ve put it in the vault.  However, Lysa Redding (Maria Ricossa) is a witch who wants the ladder back.  Lysa (and I do always enjoy hearing my name, even if it is misspelled) is the head of a coven that was connected to evil old Uncle Lewis.  Lysa performs a ceremony that causes Ryan to become possessed so Micki has to become a white witch so that she can battle the dark witches.

Now, I should mention that Micki has never had magical powers before.  In the past, she’s usually been the down-to-Earth skeptic of the group so Jack suddenly announcing that Micki is actually a powerful witch took me by surprise.  But anyway, Micki is able to use her powers to break Lysa’s spell.  It’s such a grueling experience that Jack says its possible that she’s used up all of her magic powers.  What?  Really?  I guess …. okay, I don’t know what to say about that.  They suddenly gave Micki magic powers and then took them away.

This was a weird episode.  Based on this episode and Prisoner, I’m going to guess the production was nearly out of money at the end of season two.  Coven of Darkness takes place over three different locations and it’s mostly just continual jump cuts between Lysa spellcasting and Ryan freaking out and Micki looking intense.  It all feels very cheap and basic and not at all like a typical episode of Friday the 13th.  Instead of using their wits to defeat evil, Chris and Micki use magic.  It just doesn’t feel right.

I’m going to guess, though, that this was an attempt to reboot the show for the third season.  I’ve seen enough of the third season to know that the reboot didn’t stick around but I can kind of see what they were going for.  With John D. LeMay not planning on being a part of the third season, it perhaps seemed like it would be a good idea to turn the show into the Micki Witchcraft Hour.  And it probably would have been interesting but it definitely wouldn’t have had the same feel as classic Friday the 13th.

This brings season two to an end.  It was, overall, a good season, though I think the show lost its way a little towards the end.  The introduction of Johnny Ventura was rather clumsily handled and a few too many episodes seemed to forget that the show was supposed to center on finding Lewis’s cursed antiques.  The highlight of the show was the chemistry between the three leads.  I’m curious to see how the upcoming season will play without Ryan.

We’ll find out starting next week!

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.9 “Hearts”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, Dr. Ehrlich faints!

Episode 1.9 “Hearts”

(Dir by Mark Tinker, originally aired on January 11th, 1983)

Ralph, the guy who thinks that he’s a bird, is now running around the hospital and checking in on patients and signing his name as “Dr. Bullfinch.”  I guess it says something about how big St. Elgius is that Dr. Chandler spends most of this episode asking people if they’ve ever heard of or met Dr. Bullfinch.  The show plays this for humor.  There’s only two problems.

First off, we’ve already done the fake doctor thing.  Dr. Craig spent three episodes searching for Dr. Barnum, the fictional doctor who Mark thought was interested in buying his car.  Since Chandler was a part of that whole practical joke, it surprised me that it didn’t occur to him that maybe Dr. Bullfinch also didn’t exist.

Secondly, Ralph is one of those character who was amusing at first but, after episode-after-episode of him disrupting the hospital and making the patients uncomfortable, I can’t help but feel that it’s time for Ralph to at least try to fly off into the sunset, even if it leads to him crashing to the pavement below.  Dr. Westphall tells Dr. Beale to keep Ralph locked up in the psych ward or else Westphall will send Ralph to a mental hospital.  I think Westphall should have just gone for it.  I mean, does Westphall not realize the legal jeopardy that the hospital is now in because of Ralph’s continued presence?

While that was going on, an overweight woman (Conchata Ferrell) checked into the hospital with stomach pains and was shocked to discover that she was pregnant and going into labor.  This was a heartbreaking story, largely due to the wonderful performance of Conchata Ferrell.  No one — from her father to the nurses at the hospital — has ever treated her with any sort of compassion.  In the end, she checks out of the hospital and abandons her baby in the maternity ward.

A new doctor (Dorothy Fielding) came to work at St. Eligius and — hey! — she has a romantic history with Dr. Samuels.  *Yawn*  Samuels is the most boring character on the show and I tuned out this storyline as soon as I realized he was going to be at the center of it.

Newly separated from his wife, Dr. White is having a nervous breakdown and has to abandon a patient so that he can cry in the stairwell.  Dr. Westphall offers him some heartfelt advice but you can tell that Westphall thinks that White doesn’t have what it takes to be a doctor.  I think Westphall is right.

Finally, an ill Dr. Erhlich tries to get out of assisting Dr. Craig with an operation.  Craig tells Erhlich to man up.  Erhlich faints during the operation.  Surprisingly, Dr. Craig is not angry with Ehrlich because, as he explains it, the important thing is that the operation was a success.  Seeing how sick Ehrlich has become, Craig tells Ehrlich to go home and get some rest.

“Do you have a car?” Dr. Craig asks.

“No, I usually ride the bus,” Ehrlich replies.

“Good,” Craig says, “you shouldn’t be driving in your condition.”

And I have to admit that exchange made me laugh.  William Daniels gives such a good performance as the arrogant yet talented Dr. Craig that you can’t help but love the guy, no matter how much of a jerk he is.  After knowing him best as the always compassionate Mr. Feeney on Boy Meets World, it’s been interesting to watch William Daniels play a character as thoroughly self-centered and vain as Dr. Craig.  On the drama St. Elsewhere, William Daniels often provides some much-needed comedic relief.  On the (very silly) sitcom Boy Meets World, Daniels was the dramatic relief.  It’s a strange world.

This episode had a few too many plotlines that I either didn’t care about or which felt a bit played out (like Ralph the Birdman).  It wasn’t St. Elsewhere at its best but William Daniels and Conchata Ferrell still saved the episode.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.11 “Jonathan Smith Goes To Washington”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Jonathan invades the Senate.

Episode 3.11 “Jonathan Smith Goes To Washington”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on December 3rd, 1986)

Mark’s sister is getting married but her future stepdaughter desperately needs an experimental drug to survive a rare illness.  Unfortunately, the Senate is voting on a budget that will cut funding for experimental drugs.  So, Jonathan appears to Sen. Fritz McCorkindale (Eddie Albert) and pressures him to rewrite the budget.  Senator McCorkindale is reluctant until he learns that his grandson will also need an experimental drug.  So, it’s time to redo the end of Mr. Smith Goes To Washington, just with Jonathan providing advice to the Senator in his effort to keep the budget he wrote from being put to a vote.  This is one of those episodes where no one else can see Jonathan but they can see the Senator talking to Jonathan and, for some reason, no one wonders why the Senator is talking to himself.

This episode was sincere, earnest, heartfelt, well-intentioned, and ultimately very, very cringey.  Michael Landon’s heart was undoubtedly in the right place but, and this might just be my civil libertarian side coming out, I’m not really comfortable with the idea of an angel telling a senator how to vote on legislation.  This was kind of like that episode where Mark inspires the President to sign an arms treaty.  It was just too naive to be effective.

On another note, Mark refers to his sister as being his only relative but it seems like Mark visits a new relative nearly every episode.  That type of sloppy writing didn’t occur often on Highway to Heaven so I’m going to guess this episode was written and filmed quickly, so deeply did Landon believe in the episode’s message.  Again, you can’t fault Landon for caring and trying to do good but this episode just felt rushed.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 1.26 “The Triatholon”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, season one comes to an end!

Episode 1.26 “The Triathlon”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on May 23rd, 1999)

Stads wants to enter the Malibu triathlon but training for it is such hard work and, over the past few episodes, Stads has gone from being an athletic and likable go-getter to becoming perhaps the whiniest character to have ever appeared on a Peter Engel-produced teen sitcom.  Scott volunteers to help Stads train which freaks out Jason because Jason still has feelings for Stads.

First, Jason tries to train for the triathlon too but it’s too much work for him.  So, Jason arranges for Murray to occupy Scott at the restaurant on the night before the triathlon.  Murray demands a lot of shrimp.  He follows Scott into the walk-in freezer.  Murray accidentally locks them in!  I guess they’re dead now.

Meanwhile, Jason pulls out his relationship scrapbook and keeps Stads up so late that she oversleeps and misses the triathlon.  Stads isn’t too upset about it because at least she got to spend time with Jason.  But then, after Murray and Scott are rescued from the freezer, she finds out that Jason arranged for Scott to miss their final training night.  Scott and Stads team up to get revenge and somehow, it leads to Jason dressing up in armor and riding a horse across the beach.

This show is so stupid.

Meanwhile, Traycee slips on the restaurant’s wet flood and decides to sue Peter so that she can appear in a commercial for a personal injury lawyer.  Peter goes out of his way to be nice to Traycee, leading to Traycee thinking that Peter wants to marry her and….

This show is so stupid!

But let’s give some credit where credit is due.  Brandon Brooks (who played Murray) and Priscilla Inga Taylor (who played Traycee) were the best things about the first season, largely because they both so embraced the absurdity of their characters.  While the rest of the cast often seemed to be sleepwalking through their roles, Brooks and Taylor totally threw themselves into their roles and they were responsible for what few laughs the show did achieve.  And I’ll admit that I laughed at Taylor and Brooks during the finale.  (I laughed when Taylor sang her little song about suing Peter.  And I laughed at Brooks muttering, “Surfing” over and over again because he wanted to make sure those were his last words.)  They deserve a lot of praise for their work.

The season finale ends with Stads and Jason, the two least likable characters on the show, sharing a kiss while the audience goes, “Whoo!”  The finale really reminded how much the show changed over the course of the first season.  True, Jason remained a sociopath.  However, Scott actually become a halfway decent human being.  Due to some very bad writing, Stads went from being likable to being whiny.  Murray went from being annoying to genuinely funny.  Peter went from being cool to being dorky.  Traycee went from being a background character to one of the show’s highlights.  And Sam went from being the center of the show to someone who was lucky to get any lines whatsoever.  The pilot featured Jason and Scott as high school students but now, Scott is a part-time sportscaster and we never hear any talk of homework or anything else involving school.  Change can be good but, in the case of this show, it’s just evidence that no one was really sure what Malibu CA was supposed to be about.

Next week, we start the second and final season.  Yay.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.7 “Small Blessing”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, comedians Julie Brown, Kevin Nealon, and David Spade deal with a baby who was born with a lot of very sharp teeth.  Is it a demon or is it just a little blessing?  Let’s find out.

Episode 3.7 “Small Blessing”

(Dir by Roger Nygard, originally aired on November 11th, 1990)

Julie Brown plays the mother of a three-month old baby and, like a lot of new mothers, she is exhausted.  The baby is constantly doing things like crying, crawling out of its crib, and walking on the ceiling.  The baby was also born with over 30 razor sharp teeth and it likes to eat meat.  (I’m going to assume Julie bottle-feeds.)  Julie’s husband (Kevin Nealon) insists that there is nothing wrong with their baby and he gets angry at his wife for constantly being exhausted.  Julie doesn’t know how much longer she can stand being around her carnivorous baby.  When a serial killer (David Spade) shows up at the house, the baby proves its worth.  Julie’s husband comes home to find her holding the baby and talking about how much she loves him.  Awwwww!

This episode was goofy but enjoyable.  It started out as a story about the exhaustion that every mother has felt and then it becomes a comedy in which Julie Brown is the only person who seems to notice that there is anything strange about her baby.  While her husband makes excuses for all of the baby’s odd behavior, Julie knows that it’s not normal for a baby to devour raw meat, climb on a ceiling, and bust its way out of its crib.  But then David Spade shows up with a big knife and the baby proves itself.  Go, Baby!

The main problem is that the baby looked really bad.  It wasn’t a real baby, of course.  It was obviously a puppet and, when I say obviously, I mean it was so clearly a fake baby that it actually worked against the show’s effectiveness.  There was a lot of good things about this episode, including the performances of Julie Brown, Kevin Nealon, and David Spade.  But that fake baby was just too fake to be as effective as it could have been.

Still, this episode proves that even mutant babies deserve love.

 

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.15 “I Don’t Play Anymore/Gopher’s Roommate/Crazy For You”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Gopher thinks that he recognizes a passenger!

Episode 5.15 “I Don’t Play Anymore/Gopher’s Roommate/Crazy For You”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on January 23rd, 1982)

When Rachel (Mackenzie Phillips) boards the ship, Gopher is sure that they’ve met before.  Rachel tells Gopher that he must be mistaken and, in fact, she goes out of her way to avoid him.  Since no one on this ship has ever stopped to consider that getting the cruise line sued would be bad for their career, Gopher continues to follow Rachel around.  Rachel finally tells Gopher the truth.

She does know him.

In fact, they were once quite close.

In college, Rachel was Gopher’s roommate and she played for the football team.  However, after graduating college, she had gender-affirmation surgery and now, she goes by the name of Rachel.  Gopher is stunned and I know what you’re probably thinking.  You’re probably looking at the 1982 air date and assuming that the whole storyline becomes consumed with gay panic as Gopher grapples with having been attracted to his former roommate.  (Doc also hits on her but then again, Doc hits on anyone.)  Well, believe it or not, The Love Boat handles this storyline with a surprising amount of sensitivity.  Yes, Gopher is stunned at first.  But he soon comes to respect and support Rachel’s decision, even if he doesn’t fully understand it.  Physically, the rather slight Mackenzie Phillips is not particularly believable as a former football player but still, both she and Fred Grandy gave good performance in the story.  This week was a case of The Love Boat really taking me by surprise.

Meanwhile, psychiatrist Lisa Lessing (Joanna Cassidy) boards the boat to observe David Jackson (Dick Shawn), an exec who is asking for worker’s compensation because he claims to be mentally ill.  Lisa (hey!) is on board to check on David’s sanity.  Lisa comes to believe that David is not faking but — surprise! — David actually is faking and now he feels bad because he and Lisa have fallen in love.  Lisa decides to pretend to be crazy too.  Uhmmm, okay.

Pianist Paul Krakauer (James MacArthur) has retired from playing because of the crippling arthritis in his hands.  When he meets Irene (Donna Pescow), a maid on the ship, he falls in love and decides to give one last performance so that he can make a quick $25,000 and give it to Irene so she can get an operation to fix her ankle.  Turns out that Doc has some ‘medicine” that allows Paul to play the piano but it takes several hours to take it effect so Paul misses a date that he previously set up with Irene.  Irene is ready to dump David until she finds out why he stood her up.

So, this episode had one surprisingly sensitive and two kind of bland storylines.  (The pianist storyline was ultimately saved by Donna Pescow’s performance as Irene.)  And I’ve got a massive headache and a cold.  Bleh.  That said, this was actually an above-average cruise, featuring some good performances on the part of the passengers and the cruise.  This week’s trip on The Love Boat was worth it.

SHANE (The TV Series) – Episode 5: The Bitter, the Lonely (originally aired October 8th, 1966)

Posted on by Bradley Crain

Episode 5 opens with a man riding his horse down the hill towards a sweaty Shane (David Carradine) who’s plowing a field on the Starett ranch. The man gets off his horse, walks up to Shane and punches him right in the face. He then turns around and heads back towards his horse. Not putting up with strangers punching him in the face on this day, Shane gets up and punches the guy back in the face. The guy then surprisingly proceeds to knock Shane on his ass again, this time telling him his name in the most Bond-ian of ways, “It’s Posey…RG Posey” (Steve Ihnat). Through a variety of circumstances, we learn that Posey hates “sodbusters” who put up fences and work the ground. He hates sodbusters so much that when he rode up on a person he thought was a sodbuster, he just decided to knock the crap out of him.

Hanging out at Sam Grafton’s saloon, Posey tells the local cowhands about kicking Shane’s ass, so local cattle rancher Rufe Ryker (Bert Freed) hires him on the spot. He thinks that any man who has gotten the best of Shane is someone he wants on his side. Over time though, Posey’s hateful and bullying actions towards Tom Starett (Tom Starett), his daughter Marian Starett (Jill Ireland), and Shane are too much, even for Ryker. Posey’s one of those guys who refer to farmers as “apple knockers,” “nesters” and “stump jumpers.” On multiple occasions, he even says they’re not human. Ryker makes it clear to Posey that while he’s working with the Ryker outfit, the Starett’s will be treated respectfully. Not content to leave well enough alone, Posey decides to dam up the stream that flows onto the Starett’s ranch just because he can. When Shane finds out, he rides out to confront Posey, and the two men fight it out with shovels. Ryker rides up on the two men and fires Posey on the spot, and even helps Shane break up the dam. Unable to accept that his own bitterness and hate cost him his job, Posey decides to blame Shane and sets out to kill him. 

Episode 5 is an enjoyable episode. First, it has a couple of exciting action sequences. The scene where Shane and Posey fight with shovels is the best action scene in the series so far. Grown men swinging shovels at each other is extremely dangerous and this episode certainly captures that feeling. I also enjoyed the scene at the very end where young Joey Starett (Christopher Shea) is running through the field with Shane’s gun, trying to warn him that Posey’s on his way to kill him. It’s a well executed scene that had me on the edge of my seat. Second, this episode tackles an important social issue. Posey hates sodbusters “just because they’re different.” As mentioned earlier, in his own mind he’s reduced them to being less than human. This is beaten into our heads in a pretty heavy handed approach, but that’s perfectly fine. The episode aired over 58 years ago and has a strong “message” that illustrates how Posey’s hate has turned him into an angry, bitter man who blames others for his own bad decisions and problems. For a good example of this these days, just open up any social media app and scroll for a bit, and you’ll see how anger and bitterness continue to steal our joy. Finally, I think Steve Ihnat is good as Posey, a man so full of hate that he doesn’t have the first clue about how to actually be happy. Ihnat had a solid television career, appearing in almost every good TV show in the 1960’s. He would even direct the James Coburn rodeo movie from 1972 called THE HONKERS. Sadly, Ihnat would pass away in 1972 at just 37 years of age. 

Overall, I found episode 5 to be very good. It tells an exciting story, while teaching an important lesson about how a person who allows hate to fester in their heart will ultimately end up as a bitter and lonely loser. Shane’s relationship with Marian Starett doesn’t advance much in Episode 5 but they do look at each other longingly at one point. Now that I think about it, with all the hate shown by Posey, it would have been nice to see a little more love in this episode. Oh well, there’s always episode 6 to look forward to! 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.4 “Over The Edge”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

There’s been a murder but don’t worry.  The bike patrol is here.

Episode 1.4 “Over the Edge”

(Dir by Cory Michael Eubanks, originally aired on March 23rd, 1996)

“I need some personal time!” TC announces to Lt. Palermo after TC’s childhood friend, Todd (Dave Oliver), washes up dead on the beach.  It turns out that Todd was killed in a skydiving incident and TC doesn’t think it was an accident.  Todd jumped out of 700 planes without dying so obviously something is up.

(Really?  700?  Did he just spend a year jumping out of plane after plane?  700 is a HUGE number, especially when it comes to risking your life.)

TC’s partner, Chris, is shocked to discover that TC had a friend because apparently, he never mentioned Todd in the past.  Well, Chris, this is only the fourth episode so it’s not like you two have been partners for that long.  This is a weird episode because it assume that the audience has an emotional investment in TC despite the fact that we know next to nothing about him.  We know that TC rides a bicycle.  We know that he comes from a rich family.  And we know he hardly ever smiles because being on the bicycle patrol is suuuuuuuuch an important responsibility.  Otherwise, TC is just kind of a boring guy.  I’m sorry his friend died because I’m sorry when anyone dies but other than that, I don’t really have any emotional connection to any of this.

Anyway, it turns out that Todd fell in with a bunch of Australian extreme athlete types and they shoved him out of an airplane without a properly working parachute.  I’m sure there was a reason why but, for the most part, this episode is just an excuse for TC to look grim while doing the whole extreme sports thing.  I remember that, when I was growing up, you’d always hear all this breathless talk about how someone was doing “extreme sports” but then it would just turn out they were riding a unicycle or rolling down a hill.  Remember bike jousting, where people would joust while slowly riding bicycles and it looked totally stupid but everyone would still go, “Whoa!” while watching?  That was dumb.

Speaking of dumb, I’m still having a hard time taking the idea of cops on bicycles seriously.  Did the people who made this show not realize how stupid the cast looks rolling up and down the boardwalk in their crisp white shirts and blue shorts?  Seriously, it’s hard to take them seriously.  Baywatch was a dumb show but at least those red swimsuits were visually effective.  The bicycle cops on Pacific Blue just look like idiots, no matter how fast they try to peddle.

This show just seems silly right now.  I’ve got over a 100 episodes left to review so I hope things will get better.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.3 “The Perfect Gentleman/Legend”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

Smiles, everyone!

Episode 6.3 “The Perfect Gentleman/Legend”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on October 30th, 1982)

Jimmy Jordan (Paul Williams, who appeared on a lot of these type of shows) is a rock star who witnessed a mob hit at one of his concerts.  Jimmy did what anyone would do.  He called the police.  They offered to protect him if he testified but then they told him that they probably wouldn’t be able to continue to protect him afterwards.  (Uhmm …. hello?  Witness Protection Program?)  Jimmy decided to fake his own death and then go to Fantasy Island.  His fantasy?  To not get caught by the two mobsters who have been sent to make sure that he’s actually dead.

Uhmmm …. that’s weird.  Like all of that was going on Jimmy just decided to go to Fantasy Island?  And then he shows up on Fantasy Island wearing a trenchcoat over his rock star jump suit?  Weird.

Fortunately, Michelle (Leslie Easterbrook) is on the island and her fantasy is apparently to have a new butler!  Soon, Jimmy is calling himself Godfrey and helping Michelle and her family save their business while Tracer (John Davis Chandler) and Killer (Joseph Ruskin) search for him.  Needless to say, Jimmy and Michelle fall in love and leave the island together and, unless I missed something, it appears that Jimmy is planning on just being Godfrey for the rest of his life.  He even drives Michelle and her daughter to the docks so that they can all fly off to the mainland.  I guess the world is going to go on believing that Jimmy’s dead and….

This fantasy raised way too many unanswered questions and Paul Williams was convincing neither as a rock star or a butler.  This is a fantasy that called out for someone like …. oh, I don’t know.  Sonny Bono, maybe.

The other fantasy was a bit of an improvement, just because it featured the unlikely but surprisingly likable pairing of Michelle Phillips and Andy Griffith.  Phillips plays Andrea Barclay, who has a beautiful singing voice but who suffers from crippling stage fright.  Her fantasy is to successfully perform in front of the toughest crowd ever.

Really?  Roarke says, The toughest crowd?

By now, guests should realize that whenever Roarke says something like that, it means your fantasy is going to be interpreted in a bizarre way that you never expected.  Considering that, the last time that Michelle Phillips was on the show, her fantasy to be the most famous woman in the world somehow led to her becoming Lady Godiva, Andrea really should have known better.  Instead, Andrea is shocked when she finds herself in the Old West, where Judge Roy Bean (Andy Griffith) has promised the citizens of Langtry, Texas that his favorite actress and singer, Lillie Langtry (Madlyn Rhue), will be performing for them.  When Lillie leaves without singing, it’s time for Andrea to put on a mask and pretend to be Lillie as she performs in Judge Bean’s saloon.  Yeah, it’s a silly fantasy but Andy Griffith and Michelle Phillips both put their heart into their performances.  Andy Griffith does his folksy-but-intelligent routine while Michelle Phillips especially deserves a lot of credit for taking things seriously.

This episode had the same problem as last week’s.  Everything felt very familiar.  Last week, we had what seemed like the show’s hundredth boxing and dancing fantasy.  This week, we have what feels like the hundredth singing fantasy.  After five seasons, it’s obvious that the show’s writers had started to run out of ideas.

Next week …. Roddy McDowall returns to Fantasy Island!  Yay!