Horror On TV: The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t (dir by Bruce Bilson)

Posted on October 30, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh no! Halloween might be canceled because people just aren’t scared of the old monsters! Dracula (Judd Hirsch) calls all of the classic creatures to a meeting in his castle (where they all happen to be freeloading) and give them an ultimatum. Be more scary! It turns out to be easier said than done.

This originally aired in 1979 but, for people of a certain age, it achieved a certain immortality thanks to regular airings on the Disney Channel. It’s a cute show. It might seem a little bit corny today but that’s a large part of its appeal. It’s a reminder of a more innocent time.

Warren the Werewolf, by the way, was named after Warren “Werewolves of London” Zevon.

Great Moments in Comic Book History #31: Tomb of Dracula #43

Posted on October 30, 2022 by Jedadiah Leland

In Tomb of Dracula #43 (April, 1976), a reporter named Paul Butterworth discovered the existence of not only Dracula but also the people (like Blade, Frank Drake, and Rachel Van Helsing) who were trying to stop his reign of terror.

Paul thought it would make a good story but he knew he needed proof so, when he met Dracula, he was sure to take a few photographs. The joke was on Paul because vampires can’t be photographed! When Paul’s editor sees the blank photos, he demotes Paul to doing the helpful hints column.

Not a bad story. Tomb of Dracula was always at its best when it brought in “normal” characters and allowed them to interact with Dracula and the vampire hunters. Paul Butterworth never made another appearance but he was still a part of the series’ overall mythology.

However, the thing that made this issue great was the cover. Illustrated by Bernie Wrightson, this cover may not have much to do with the story but it perfectly captures the feel of Tomb of Dracula.

Previous Great Moments In Comic Book History:

Great Moments In Television History #27: The Final Scene of Dark Shadows

Posted on October 30, 2022 by Jedadiah Leland

After five years of enthralling audiences with the story of Barnabas Collins and his family, Dark Shadows came to an end on April 2nd, 1971. By this point, the show itself had tried to return to its gothic roots by setting its latest storyline in 1841. During the show’s final episodes, Jonathan Frid played not Barnabas but instead, Bramwell Collins. Unfortunately, this didn’t help the show’s once strong ratings and ABC abruptly canceled Dark Shadows in 1971.

When the show ended, it did so in typical tongue-in-cheek fashion. With Bramwell and his love, Catharine Harridge, preparing to leave Collinsport, news suddenly came that there had been a vampire attack!

Or was it?

Previous Moments In Television History:

TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Sinister Squad (dir by Jeremy Inman)

Posted on October 30, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

A group of cultists who worship Death are threatening to destroy the world so a mysterious operative named Alice (Christina Licciardi) assembles a group of fairy tale villains and heroes to help defeat them. Unfortunately, getting The Big Bad Wolf, Goldilocks, the Mad Hatter, Bluebeard, and a host of others to work together isn’t as easy as it should be. Complicating things is the evil Rumpelstiltskin (Johnny Rey Diaz), who is imprisoned with a mask over his face to keep him from convincing anyone to say his name. Just as he is responsible for smashing the magic mirror that unleashed Death and his evil followers on the world, he also might be the only one who can stop the cult. But at what price?

I watched the 2016 film, Sinister Squad, last night. I have to admit that I had a pretty difficult time following the plot. Produced by the Asylum, Sinister Squad is a sequel to Avengers Grimm. Avengers Grimm was a mockbuster of The Avengers, in which all of the heroes were fairly tale characters. Sinister Squad is a mockbuster of Suicide Squad, in which a group of fairy tale villains are recruited to save the world. Avengers Grimm was a surprisingly fun movie but Sinister Squad gets bogged down by its own low budget, with nearly the entire film taking place in one location. It’s kind of hard to make an epic action film when you can’t afford more than one set.

That set is a warehouse, where the members of the Sinister Squad are imprisoned. It’s also where Alice is storing Death’s scythe. Death wants his scythe back so he sends his followers to retrieve it and it leads to a bit of a one-sided battle. Indeed, none of the members of the Sinister Squad seem to be that effective when it comes to defending the world and it’s hard not to feel that Alice should have made more of an effort to recruit some of Death’s followers. Probably the most impressive of Death’s acolytes is Bluebeard (Trae Ireland), who can throw knives in slow motion and steal the souls of those he kills. (He calls them his “wives” because he’s Bluebeard.) Still, as impressive a bad guy as Bluebeard might be, it’s hard not to wonder why he’s there because it’s not as if Bluebeard is a fairy tale character. It seems like a waste to have Goldilocks face off against Bluebeard as opposed to three bears.

As I said, the plot of this one is not always easy to follow. If you haven’t seen Avengers Grimm, you’ll be totally lost. I have seen Avengers Grimm and I still wasn’t always sure what everyone in Sinister Squad was going on about. On the plus side, some of the costumes are nicely done. Bluebeard was properly intimidating. I sympathized with the Big Bad Wolf, who was apparently just misunderstood. I respected Alice and her refusal to surrender. For the most part, though, Sinister Squad was more underwhelming than sinister.

The Falling (1986, directed by Deran Serafian)

Posted on October 30, 2022 by Jedadiah Leland

After a piece of the Skylab space station crashes into rural Spain, first the cows and then the wolves are infected by a cosmic virus that turns them into cannibalistic monsters. Soon, the virus spreads to a nearby town and the villagers also start to transform into mindless flesheaters. While NASA tries to contain the virus and keep the rest of the world from finding out, three American college students drive their RV into the village. Damon (Dennis Christopher), Michael (Martin Hewitt), and Samantha (Lynn-Holly Johnson) soon find themselves fighting for survival as they are pursued by both the mutants and the government. Working with a helpful scientist, they try to recover an antidote before it is too late.

Also released under the title Alien Predator, The Falling deserves a lot of credit for knowing exactly what it is. It’s a low budget, B-movie and it doesn’t try to convince us that it’s anything else. As soon as I saw the red buggy that was hooked up to the book of the RV, I knew that this was going to be good. Eventually, Michael gets in the dune buggy and gets chased around the village by the flesheaters and the movie starts to feel like an extended episode of Starsky and Hutch. The three leads are likable, even if they are also too old to be believable college students. Christopher makes jokes and tries to sound like James Cagney, Hewitt does a Rod Serling impersonation, and Lynn-Holly Johnson looks good while screaming. People who watch movies like this for the gore will appreciate the exploding head scene. All in all, The Falling is an enjoyable “bad” movie.

Dracula vs. Jimmy Carter: Who Would Win?

Posted on October 30, 2022 by Jedadiah Leland

Earlier this week, I used the President Elect simulator to discover who would win if Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, and The Mummy ran against each other in the 2024 presidential election. Dracula won easily. The Monster carried D.C. and that’s it.

Then, I decided to see what would have happened in Frankenstein’s Monster had run against Richard Nixon in 1960. Nixon won easily. Even though the Monster received more votes against Nixon than he did against Dracula, he was still only able to carry two states in the Deep South, Georgia and Mississippi.

Today, I decided to see how Dracula would have done against Jimmy Carter in 1976. I set up the simulation with the same economic and world conditions that Carter, Gerald Ford, and third party candidate Eugene McCarthy were debating in 1976. The only difference is that I substituted Dracula for Gerald Ford. No longer would Ford carry the stain of pardoning Nixon. Now, it would be Dracula. Again, I gave Dracula high score for his speaking ability, his personal magnetism, and his ability to stay cool under pressure. I also made sure that Dracula’s campaign platform represented his authoritarian politics.

In the end, Dracula’s platform didn’t matter. Watergate didn’t matter. The economy didn’t matter. Dracula wiped the floor with both Carter and McCarthy. Carter challenged Dracula to one debate. Dracula blew him out of the water. In real life, Carter narrowly defeated Ford after Ford lost their debates. In the simulation, Dracula dominated the election.

On election night, Carter got one piece of good news when he won the District of Columbia.

However, that would be all that Carter would win. Dracula won the next state and never looked back.

Carter was strangely competitive in Rhode Island, only losing the state by a few thousand votes. As for the rest of the states:

Sorry, Jimmy. The people have spoken.

Retro Television Reviews: Invitation to Hell (dir by Wes Craven)

Posted on October 30, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1984’s Invitation to Hell. It can be viewed on YouTube!

There’s one rule in life that should never be forgotten.

Any movie that opens with Susan Lucci casting a hex that causes a man’s head to explode is going to be worth watching.

That’s certainly the case with Invitation to Hell, a 1984 made-for-TV movie that casts Lucci as Jessica Jones, an insurance agent who lives and works in an upper class suburb in Southern California. Jessica not only sells insurance but she also runs the ultra-exclusive Steaming Springs Country Club! Anyone who is anyone in town is a member of Steaming Springs! Of course, joining Steaming Springs requires going through a strange ceremony in which you walk into a mist-filled room. Jessica says that the room is called “the Spring” and that it contains everything that someone would need to be happy. However, one need only consider that the film is called Invitation to Hell to guess that Jessica might not be completely honest.

Matt Winslow (Robert Urich) and his family have just moved into the suburbs. Matt’s an engineer whose job involves designing a state-of-the-art space suit. Matt is a little bit annoyed when Jessica starts pressuring him and his family to join the country club. He’s even more perturbed when his wife (Joanna Cassidy), upon returning from the mist-filled room, starts acting and dressing just like Jessica. Matt soon comes to suspect that something strange might be happening, especially after his own daughter attacks him! Fortunately, Matt’s spacesuit comes with a flame thrower, a laser, and a built-in computer that can determine whether or not someone is actually a human being. (Wearing the space helmet means viewing the world like you’re the Terminator.) Soon, it’s science vs. magic as Matt dons the suit and tries to rescue his family from country club living!

Invitation to Hell is totally ludicrous but also a lot of fun. Robert Urich is properly stolid as the hero while the film itself is, not surprisingly, stolen by Susan Lucci. Lucci is totally and wonderfully over-the-top as Jessica, playing the role with the same cheerfully unapologetic intensity that made her a daytime television star. This is a film that has a little bit for everyone — familiar television actors, flamethrowers, space suits, demonic possession, exploding cars, and even a little bit of social satire as the film suggests that living in the suburbs is a terror even without weird country clubs and chic spell casters.

Interestingly enough, this made-for-television film was directed by none other than Wes Craven! The same year that this film was broadcast, Craven directed a little film called A Nightmare on Elm Street. While Invitation to Hell might not be in the same league as that classic shocker, it’s still an enjoyably campy horror flick.

Horror Scenes That I Love: Bill Murray and Adam Driver Battle The Undead In The Dead Don’t Die

Posted on October 30, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The world may be ending but Bill Murray and Adam Driver are not going to go out without a somewhat laid back fight.

From 2019’s The Dead Don’t Die:

Book Review: Runaway by R.L. Stine

Posted on October 30, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tired of being used as a test subject by a mad scientist and feeling guilty about an accident that caused the death of two of her friends, telekinetic Felicia Fletcher has run away! After using her powers to escape from the pervy dude who gave her a ride, Felecia ends up in Shadyside. She not only get a job as a house sitter on Fear Street but she also enrolls in high school and gets a job at the Burger Basket…

Wait, what?

Now, the whole telekinetic thing is pretty cool and I cheered a little when she caused the pervy guy’s car to crash. I mean, if you’ve got the power to do that, why not? But who runs away from home just so they can enroll in high school and get a job working at a fast food restaurant? I mean, it just seems like there’s more that she could do, especially considering that she has super powers. Along with going to school and finding a low-paying job, Felecia also develops a crush on her classmate and co-worker, Nick. Unfortunately, Nick is dating Zan. Zan doesn’t appreciate the new girl trying to move in on her man. Felecia’s main concern, though, is making sure that no one discovers that she’s a runaway. SO WHY DID YOU ENROLL IN HIGH SCHOOL AND GET A JOB UNDER YOUR REAL NAME, FELECIA!?

Seriously, Felecia might have telekinesis but she obviously has no common sense.

Soo, Felecia is getting strange letters from someone who claims to know who she is. Someone also breaks into her house, a crime that Felecia can’t report without running the risk of being discovered. Felecia tries to control her powers while also discovering who is stalking her.

Even by the standards of R.L. Stine, the plot is fairly incoherent but the fact that Felecia has psychic powers (and, with the exception of Nick, pretty much zero friends) adds a new wrinkle to all of the usual Stine melodrama. Felecia has a lot to deal with, from avoiding the police to avoiding her crush’s girlfriend to avoiding the people searching for her to avoiding her Fear Street stalker. In fact, Felecia has so much to deal with that it’s impossible not to like and root for her. I might not have telekinesis but I could still relate to Felecia’s desire to just have one normal, relaxing day in her life. I liked that Felecia was trying to regain control of her life and there’s a pretty cool scene where The Burger Basket basically explodes. This was definitely one of the better Stine books that I’ve read this month.

Book Review: The Fire Game by R.L. Stine

Posted on October 30, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Jill, Andrea, Diane, Max, and Nick want get out of taking a superhard Geography test. What can they possibly do, since apparently into not an option to study or to track down someone who has a copy of the test from last year?

If you said accidentally start a fire in the school library so that the test gets cancelled, congratulations! You could be the star of an R.L. Stine novel!

The day after the fire, school is still a bore. Our group of friends, who are all gymnasts for some reason, want to get out of class so that they can hang out with Gabe, the supercool new kid who has an odd fascination with burning things. What’s the best way to get out of school? How about blowing up the boy’s bathroom? Not only does that cause classes to get canceled but everyone now gets to hang out on Fear Island!

R.L. Stine’s 1991 book, The Fire Game, is all about people like to set fires. Admittedly, the book doesn’t really go into the reasons why these people are so obsessed with fire. For the most part, it’s just something that they do because they’re not imaginative to come up with any other way to skip school. (Has no one ever heard of faking not feeling well? When I was in high school, all I had to do was say the word “cramps” and the gym teacher would practically escort me off campus and tell me not to come back for a week. It’s not that difficult.) Anyway, eventually a house burns down on Fear Street and all the members of the Fire Club are like, “Wait! We didn’t do that!” It looks like someone is trying to frame the arsonists!

The main problem with this book is found in the last sentence of this paragraph. Yes, the Fire Club is, more or less, innocent of burning down that house and killing the homeless man who was living inside. But, they’re still a group of people who DELIBERATELY SET FIRES! It’s like, “Okay, it sucks you’re being framed for that one fire but how about all the ones you actually started?” Not a single lesson is learned and usually, I’m in favor of that but in this case, our heroes are actually doing something that could kill someone or something.

Still, even if there’s absolutely no one to really root for in this book, it’s hard not to be a little impressed by the fact that R.L. Stine felt that gymnastics and pyromania would be a natural combination. Though the majority of the book is Stine on autopilot, arsonist gymnasts is at least an interesting concept. Plus, Arsonist Gymnasts sounds like it would be a great band name.