Eephus is a movie about one very long baseball game.
In a small Massachusetts town, the local baseball field is about to be demolished to make way for a school. Two rec league teams meet to play one final game, drink some beer, and shoot off some fireworks. The Riverdogs are led by Graham (Stephen Radochia), who brokered the deal that’s leading to the field’s destruction. He feels guilty and he wants the two teams to have one final great game. The Riverdogs and Adler’s Paint play a game that, once it becomes tied, goes far into the night. The few spectators leaves. The umpire leaves. But the players keep playing, even in the dark.
Though the player may be middle-aged and out-of-shape, they all love baseball and they love their teams. But Eephus is about more than baseball. It’s also about community and change. Many of the players talk about their memories of growing up playing on the field. They can’t leave until they finish their last game but they also know that their lives will be forever different once the game ends. They may complain about playing in the dark but no one truly wants to get that last out. The players give each other a hard time. The dialogue is frequently very funny but the occasional angry word is still exchanged. But deep down, they’re friends no matter what team they’re on. They may not be professional athletes but baseball is what brought them together. It’s their bond and it’s brought purpose to not only their lives but also to men like Franny (Cliff Blake), who have spend their free time watching the games and keeping the records. When former pitching legend Bill “Spaceman” Lee appears as himself, he’s welcomed to the game as just another local who loves baseball.
Eephus may seem plotless but it’s not. It’s about the community of players and how each of them deals with the inevitability of change. There’s a scene where someone in the stands says that they’ve been watching 30 minutes and they still don’t understand baseball. You don’t have to understand baseball to love Eephus. You just have to appreciate the bonds that bring us all together.
When his former secretary, Della Street (Barbara Hale), is arrested for murdering wealthy businessman Arthur Gordon (Patrick O’Neal), Judge Perry Mason (Raymond Burr) resigns from the bench so that he can defend her in court.
Perry Mason Returns reveals who the killer is when the murder happens. The killer is a lowlife named Robert Lynch (James Kidnie), who is wearing a gray wig and a frumpy dress so that everyone will mistake him for Della. It doesn’t take Perry and private detective Paul Dark, Jr. (William Katt) long to discover that Lynch is the murderer but, after someone shoots Lynch, they have to figure out who hired Lynch to kill Gordon. Gordon had recently disinherited his entire family so Perry and Paul have a lot of suspects to consider. 30 minutes in, I thought I knew who the killer was but it turned out I was wrong.
My Aunt Kate loved her detective stories and, when I was growing up, I would always watch them with her whenever we were visiting for the holidays. Watching Perry Mason Returns really made me feel nostalgic, even if it also made me feel dumb for not being able to guess who the killer was. Perry gives up being a judge so that he can defend Della Street in court. That’s true love. William Katt, who plays Paul Drake’s son, was Barbara Hale’s real-life son so I think that proves my theory that Della loved both Perry and Paul.
Perry Mason Returns was fun to watch. It had more action than I was expecting because Paul Drake, Jr. was always getting into tight situations. The movie really tried to make William Katt into an action star. The murder mystery held my attention and, of course, Perry got the murderer to confess on the stand and on the record. Some things never change! One thing that really amused me was that, as soon as Perry took the case, everyone naturally assumed he would win. Della wasn’t worried for a minute, even though she was facing life in prison. “You didn’t tell me Perry Mason was her lawyer!” Robert Lynch yelled at the person who hired him. He knew the gig was up. Perry Mason always wins!
Watching Perry Mason Returns, I felt like I was a kid again, watching movies with my Aunt Kate and trying to solve the mystery with her. All of the Perry Mason made-for-TV movies are on YouTube so I’ll be reviewing more of them in the future.
Let’s take a moment to appreciate Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), a true American hero.
Even though Frank is just a Los Angeles cop, he still goes to the Middle East and disrupts a conference of America’s greatest enemies. He beats up Fidel Castro. He knocks out Gadafi and Yasser Arafat. He cleans Gorbachev’s head. (“I knew it!” he says as the birthmark disappears.) He takes out Idi Amin and he sends the Ayatollah Khomeini through a window. Thirty-seven years ago, this scene opened The Naked Gun and, after all that time, it is still funny because Leslie Nielsen plays it all with a straight face, delivering his silly lines without flinching. It’s also interesting that none of the leaders taken down by Frank Drebin are around anymore. Khomeini died just a few months after this film came out. Gorbachev was the last to go, in 2022, by which time he was no longer an enemy. Consider it the Frank Drebin Effect. He’s making the world safe for democracy.
When Drebin returns to Los Angeles, he’s informed by Captain Ed Hocken (George Kennedy) that Police Squad has been put in charge of security for a visit from Queen Elizabeth (Jeanette Charles) and that Officer Nordberg (O.J. Simpson) is in the hospital and suspected of being a dirty cop. The Mayor (Nancy Marchand) doesn’t want Los Angeles to be embarrassed by a police scandal before the Queen arrives so Drebin has 24 hours to exonerate Nordberg. Drebin’s attempt to clear Nordberg’s name leads him to a shipping magnate (Ricardo Montalban) who has come up with a diabolical scheme to assassinate the Queen at a baseball game. It also leads to love between Drebin and Jane Spencer (Priscilla Presley).
Though Liam Neeson did a fine job in the recent reboot, there really is only one Frank Drebin and his name is Leslie Nielsen. The original Naked Gun is nearly 40 years old and, even if some of the jokes are dated, it’s still laugh out loud funny. Most of the credit has to go to Leslie Nielsen and ability to deliver even the most bizarre bits of dialogue with natural authority, gravitas and a straight face. Whether he’s mumbling his way through the National Anthem, paying an informer for information, or hamming it up as an umpire, Nielsen is never less than hilarious. By the end of the movie, it’s impossible to look at Nielsen without laughing. Kennedy, Presely, and Montalban also generate their share of laughs. John Houseman has a great cameo as an unflappable driving instructor. (“Now, extend your middle finger.”) As for OJ Simpson, he doesn’t seem to be in on the joke like the rest of the cast but he does frequently get injured and re-injured throughout the movie and there’s definitely some pleasure to be found in that.
(When Simpson died, director David Zucker said, “His acting was a lot like his murdering: He got away with it, but no one believed him.” That sounds about right.)
Liam Neeson made for a fine Frank Drebin, Jr. I hope he has many more adventures. But the greatest Frank Drebin will always be Leslie Nielsen and the original Naked Gun will always be one of my favorite comedies. Sometimes, it’s good just to laugh.
In the old west, the Apache Kid (Jack Perrin) has decided to go straight because his own mother refuses to accept the stolen money that he sends home. Unfortunately, other outlaws, like Buck Harris (Bud Osborne), continue to break the law while wearing the Apache Kid’s trademark checkered scarf so the Apache Kid still has a posse after him.
Using the alias Jim, the Kid gets a job working at a local ranch. Ranch hand Ted Conway (Fred Church) is looking forward to marrying Jane Wilson (Josephine Hill), the daughter of the ranch’s owner. Ted’s father, Frank (Henry Roquemore), wants Jane for himself so he reveals that Ted is actually adopted and no one knows who his real parents are. Jane’s father (Horace B. Carpenter) announces that the wedding is canceled. So, Ted decides to take on the identity of the Apache Kid and rob a stagecoach. After Ted is arrested, Jim has to return to his old ways to help Ted get out of jail.
The Apache Kid’s Escape is a 47-minute poverty row western that is remembered for being one of the first westerns to feature recorded sound. Unfortunately, the movie sounds terrible, with a steady hum in the background and all of the actors speaking slowly, loudly, and very precisely while awkwardly trying not to look straight at the camera. Everyone noticeably hesitates before speaking, as if waiting for the director to give them the signal to go. With all of the humans struggling to speak, the film’s best performance comes from Starlight the Horse, who is a natural star. Jack Perrin went on to have an active career in B-westerns so maybe he learned how to handle acting with sound.
This was the only film to feature Perrin as the Apache Kid and it’s easy to see why. The plot doesn’t even try to make sense. If Jim wants to escape being the Apache Kid, he should be happy that so many other people are willing to take over the role for him. Perrin is also stuck wearing a really big hat, which makes him look more like a Blazing Saddles extra than a cowboy star.
There were a lot of bad westerns made during the early days of the sound era. The Apache Kid’s Escape might be the worst.
I have to admit that I groaned when Marvel’s The Fantastic Four: First Steps opened with a title card informing me that it was taking place on “Earth-828.”
You have to understand that all of the multiverse nonsense is the one of the main things that led to me losing interest in both the Marvel and the DC films. The idea that there are multiple Earths out there and they’ve all got different versions of the same heroes and villains just feels incredibly lazy to me. It’s like a get out of jail free card. If you make a bad movie, you can just claim that it was took place on another Earth. If a character dies on one Earth, it doesn’t really matter because there’s another version out there. What are the actual stakes when there’s a million different Earths to choose from? For that matter, if I’m presumably living on Earth-1, why should I care about Earth-828? Earth-828 has nothing to do with me.
Imagine my surprise, then, when one of the best things about the film was that it turned out to be that it was taking place on an alternate Earth, one that mixes the culture of the 1960s with advanced technology and a retro-futuristic style. This is a rare Marvel film that is enjoyable just to look at. The production design is top-notch, mixing the past with the future in a very playful way. As much as I dislike the whole multiverse thing, Earth-828 does seem like it would be a fun place to visit.
Earth-828 has advanced technology because of its only team of super heroes, the Fantastic Four. Fortunately, Marvel seems to understand that 1) origin stories tend to be bland in general and 2) viewers have already had to sit through two disappointing and presumably unrelated Fantastic Four films that centered around them getting their powers. So, First Steps opens with the team having already taken their trip into space, the one that led to them returning with altered DNA. Reed Richards (Pedro Pascal) can stretch himself. His wife, Susan Storm Richards (Vanessa Kirby), can turn invisible and knock things around with …. invisibility rays, I guess. Susan’s brother, Johnny (Joseph Quinn), can burst into flame and fly. (Wow, DNA is amazing!) And their friend, Ben Grimm (Ebon Moss-Bachrach), has skin that has been transformed into a layer of orange rock. Ben can knock holes in walls but he can’t seem to get the world to understand that there is an intelligent and kind-hearted soul underneath the fearsome exterior. The citizens of Earth-828 are worshipful of the Fantastic Four and the team has ushered in an era of peace.
When a naked silver woman on a surfboard (Julia Garner) appears in Times Square, she announces that Earth has been selected as the latest feast for Galactus (Ralph Ineson), a giant creature who is so powerful that he must consume planets in order to satisfy his appetite. Galactus offers to spare Earth but only if he is given Reed and Susan’s baby, Franklin. Galactus says that Franklin possesses the “power cosmic,” which is something that I assume we’re going to be hearing a lot about over the next few MCU films.
As far as later phase Marvel productions are concerned, The Fantastic Four: First Steps is an entertaining-enough film. Vanessa Kirby is a bit on the dull side as Sue but it should be noted that, in all of the various film versions of The Fantastic Four, Sue has always been the least interesting member of the group. Pascal is likable as Reed, even if his stretchy superpower feels a bit silly. Ebon Moss-Bachrach and Joseph Quinn both give strong performances, with Quinn especially bringing some depth to a character who, in lesser hands, could come across as being shallow. Ralph Ineson is a properly intimidating villain and Julia Garner has just the right amount of sad-eyed intensity for the role of the morally ambiguous Silver Surfer. The film looks great, the retro style holds the viewer’s attention, and there are a few moments of genuine wit that harken back to the best moments of the 1st phase of the MCU. That said, it’s hard to ignore that this is yet another Marvel movie where the whole thing ends with a fairly predictable battle and a healthy dose of Dues Ex Machina. The film is entertaining but it definitely sticks to the established MCU formula.
The film ends with a mid-credits scene and a promise that the story will continue in Avengers: Doomsday. I wonder what Earth that one will take place on.
1977’s Record City opens with a montage of rear-focused close-ups of women wearing short shorts and that pretty much tells you all that you really need to know about the film. It’s crass, shameless, and very much a product of its time.
The film takes place over the course of one day at a California vinyl record shop. It’s tempting to compare the film to something like Empire Records but, unlike Empire Records, Record City suggests that working in a record store is perhaps the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. The store is dirty and grimy. The customers are rude and played by vaguely familiar comedy actors, all of whom seem to have been bitten by the overacting bug before stepping in front of the camera. The employees all seem to hate each other. Marty (Tim Thomerson) keeps getting slapped and kicked by Vivian (Deborah White). Vivian keeps getting groped by almost every customer and employee who walks by her. The only thing that Vivian hates more than men is other women. The store’s owner (Jack Carter) is in trouble with the mob. The store’s manager (Michael Callan) is lech who wears gold chains, keeps his shirt unbuttoned, and who expects the new cashier, Lorraine (Wendy Schaal), to sleep with him because, after all, he did hire her. Danny (Dennis Bowen) is the shy guy with a crush on Lorraine. Rupert (Stuart Goetz) is the nerdy virgin who goes from wearing a bowtie to dressing like a swinger but he still can’t get laid. Both the customers and the employees are paranoid about “fairies” coming into Record City. Pokey (Ed Begley, Jr.) wants to hold the place up and who can blame him? Really, the only likable employee is a black man known only as The Wiz and that’s just because he’s played by Ted Lange. (Yes, Isaac the Bartender from The Love Boat.) Lange gets to perform a song at the end of the film.
When the film isn’t focused on the antics inside Record City, it’s all about the talent show that’s taking place in a nearby parking lot. The talent show is hosted by radio DJ Gordon Kong (Rick Dees) and it gives the film an excuse to trot out a bunch of cameos, some of whom are more recognizable than others. For instance, Gallagher — the comedian with the sledgehammer — shows up. Kinky Friedman also shows up, playing himself and looking for records at Record City. When he spots a woman with a blonde bowl cut and glasses, he accuses her of being John Denver and then grabs her breasts. And to think — less than 30 years later, Kinky Friedman would run for governor of my homestate.
Anyway, this is a terrible and rather boring movie but I did find it interesting for one reason. It’s the reason why I find so many grindhouse films to be interesting. Shot on location and for no other reason than to make money, Record City is a true product of its time. There’s no attempt to try to make the 70s look nicer than they were. There’s no attempt to try to make the record store look like anything more than a tacky establishment. There’s an honesty to how low-rent the whole thing is. Watching the movie is like stepping into a time machine and getting a chance to experience the past firsthand. I was born long after the 70s but, after watching this film, I now feel like I’ve been there.
1980’s The Final Countdown opens with a series of stunning overhead shots of Pearl Harbor. Warren Lasky (Martin Sheen), a systems analyst for Tideman Industries, is sent by his mysterious employer to observe operations on the USS Nimitz. Captain Yelland (Kirk Douglas), the commanding officer of the Nimitz, is polite to Lasky, even if he doesn’t quite understand why he’s been sent. For that matter, Lasky’s not sure what he’s supposed to do either. When the Nimitz is surrounded by a sudden storm and programs from 1941 start playing over the radio, Yelland suspects that it’s some sort of test and that Lasky has been sent to see how they react. However, when two Japanese airplanes are spotted overhead, it becomes clear that the Nimitz has somehow traveled through time. The date is December 6th, 1941 and, in just 24 hours, the Japanese are going to attack Pearl Harbor.
Commander Dick Owens (James Farentino) argues that it would be dangerous to try to change history by attacking the approaching Japanese fleet. However, it appears that the Nimitz has already changed history by saving the life of U.S. Senator Samuel Chapman (Charles Durning), who Owens believes would have been Roosevelt’s running mate in 1944 if he hadn’t been killed the day before Pearl Harbor. With Chapman demanding that Pearl Harbor be warned and Lasky arguing that the Nimitz should try to change history by preventing the attack, Captain Yelland has a decision to make.
The Final Countdown was made with the full support of the U.S. Navy. The production was allowed to film on the Nimitz and, outside of the main stars, the crew of the Nimitz played themselves. As a result, there’s a lot of awkward line deliveries amongst the minor characters but there’s also an authenticity to the film that elevates the story. Even when it becomes obvious that the Nimitz has traveled back to 1941, the crew handles things in a professional manner. One comes into the film expecting a good deal of panic and freaking out and instead, the movie offers up a ship of people who play it cool and who get the job done and it’s kind of nice to see. As for the professional actors, they all play their parts well enough. Charles Durning gets to bluster a bit as the senator and Katharine Ross (playing the senator’s secretary) looks like she’d rather be anywhere but on a aircraft carrier but Kirk Douglas, Martin Sheen, James Farentino, and Ron O’Neal all give solid, if not particularly memorable, performances.
The film asks an interesting question. Would you change history? For that matter, can history actually be changed? If the Nimitz prevented the attack on Pearl Harbor, would it have changed history for the better (as Lasky suggests) or would it have just kept America out of the war for a longer period of time? Would Japan have given up its plans to attack America or would its leaders have tried again? On a personal note, I’ve been to Pearl Harbor and it’s a moving experience. It’s hard not to look down at the remains of the USS Arizona and not feel something. I remember that, when I looked down at the Arizona, the first thing that I felt was anger that a ship that was sunk in an unprovoked attack also served as the tomb so many men who served their country. But then I felt a certain pride in the fact that, in the 1940s, America didn’t take that attack lying down. America didn’t make excuses or surrender. America stood for itself and kicked some ass and the world was and is better for it.
As for The Final Countdown, Don Taylor’s direction is fairly stolid (Taylor was no visual stylist) and there’s never really any explanation as to why the Nimitz went into the past in the first place. That said, I enjoyed the film. The premise is an intriguing one and the final twist works far better than one might expect. The Final Countdown is a good film that gets the job done.
1976’s The Cassandra Crossing opens with a shot of the headquarters of the World Health Organization in Geneva, Switzerland. Though the film (and the shot) may be from the 70s, one look at the ugly brutalism of the WHO’s headquarters is all it takes to understand the mentality that, nearly 50 years later, would lead to the organization serving as China’s mouthpiece during the COVID pandemic.
Three Swedish terrorists attack the American mission at the WHO. One of them is killed by a guard. Another immediately falls victims to an unidentified disease that is apparently a new form of the Bubonic plague. The third (Lou Castel) escapes and boards a train that is heading for Sweden. Two Americans, Col. MacKenzie (Burt Lancaster) and Major Stack (John Phillip Law), and Swedish doctor Elena Stadner (Ingrid Thulin), try to figure out how to stop the spread of the infection.
While the infected terrorist lurches around the train, the passengers go through their own personal dramas. Renowned neurologist Jonathan Chamberlain (Richard Harris) flirts with his ex-wife, writer Jennifer Rispoli (Sophia Loren). Wealthy Nicole Dressler (Ava Gardner, whose voice sounds like a cigarette ad) boards the train with her heroin-addicted younger boyfriend, Robby Navarro (a long-haired, dark glasses-wearing Martin Sheen, acting up a storm and apparently having a lot of fun for once). Herman Kaplan (Lee Strasberg) is a regular on the train, a Holocaust survivor who enjoys a good chess game with the conductor, Max (Lionel Stander). Haley (OJ Simpson) is a narcotics agent who is disguised as a priest. Susan (Ann Turkel) is the hippie who just wants to have sex with her boyfriend (Ray Lovelock) but who keeps getting interrupted by other passengers. When she complains about already having had to already deal with one “sweaty pervert” during the day, Chamberlain replies, “Which sweaty pervert?” By this point, Chamberlain knows about the infected man and is trying to track him down before he can infect anyone else on the train.
The Cassandra Crossing is several films in one. It’s an all-star disaster film. It’s medical thriller. Once Col. MacKenzie decides that the best way to deal with the train (and to cover-up the fact that America was researching germ warfare) would be to send the train over the infamous Cassandra Crossing, an unstable bridge that is on the verge of collapse, it becomes a conspiracy thriller. It’s all a bit ludicrous, though in this post-pandemic age, there is definitely a renewed power to the images of Hazmat suit-wearing soldiers carrying submachine guns and threatening to kill anyone who resists going into quarantine. When it comes to films that make Hazmat suits look menacing, The Cassandra Crossing can proudly stand with George Romero’s The Crazies and Zombi 3.
Of course, with any disaster film, the real purpose of the movie is to gather together a collection of familiar faces and then allow the viewer to spend two hours trying to guess who will survive and who will not. The cast is full of actors who all probably deserved a better script. Richard Harris, Burt Lancaster, and Ingrid Thulin all look somewhat embarrassed. Ava Gardner and Martin Sheen fully embrace the melodrama. In fact, it’s hard for me to think of any other movie where Sheen actually seemed to be having as much fun as he does while playing the drug-addicted, prone-to-histrionics mountain climber in The Cassandra Crossing. As was typical of his film career, O.J. Simpson gives a very earnest performance. He’s not exactly good but it’s obvious that he’s trying really hard and it would make him likable if not for the fact that he’s O.J. Simpson, just 20 years away from getting away with murder. Out of the ensemble cast, Lionel Stander, Lee Strasberg, and Sophia Loren are the one who probably come the closest to actually giving good performances. Loren’s husband, Carlo Ponti, produced the film with Sir Lew Grade and Loren gives a performance that is blessed with the confidence of knowing her career had survived far worse than The Cassandra Crossing.
The Cassandra Crossing is the epitome of a film that’s not necessarily good but which is definitely entertaining. Between the drama-stuffed plot and the overwritten dialogue and the performances of Gardner and Sheen, it’s campy in the way that only an overproduced 70s disaster film can be. For certain viewers, there’s undoubtedly a lot of joy to be found in the scenes in which the passengers finally start to stand up to the authoritarians trying to force them into quarantine. That said, this is one of those films where we’re not meant to get particularly upset about hundreds of innocent people dying just because the main characters managed to come through unscathed. The film’s ending is right up there with Man of Steel as far as needless destruction is concerned. Fortunately, the ending also features some terrible miniature shots, all of which remind us not to take it all too seriously.
To paraphrase another 70s film: “Forget it, Jake. It’s The Cassandra Crossing.“
In 1979’s The Concorde …. Airport ’79, Joe Patroni (George Kennedy) finally gets to fly the plane.
The plane is question is a Concorde, a supersonic airliner that can travel faster than the speed of sound. When we first see the Concorde, it’s narrowly avoiding a bunch of dumbass hippies in a hot air balloon as it lands in Washington, D.C. The recently widowed Joe Patroni joins a flight crew that includes neurotic Peter O’Neill (David Warner), who says that he has dreams in which he’s eaten by a banana, and suave co-pilot Paul Metrand (Alain Delon). Because this is an Airport film, Mertrand is dating the head flight attendant, Isabelle (Syliva Kristel). “You pilots are such men,” Isabelle says. “It ain’t called a cockpit for nothing, honey,” Patroni replies.
(One thing that is not explained is just how exactly Joe Patroni has gone from being a chief technician in the first film to an airline executive in the second to a “liaison” in the third and finally to a pilot in the fourth.)
The Concorde is flying to Moscow with a stop-over in Paris. There’s the usual collection of passengers, all of whom have their own barely-explored dramas. Cicely Tyson plays a woman who is transporting a heart for a transplant. She gets maybe four or five lines. Eddie Albert is the owner of the airline and he’s traveling with his fourth wife. (Of course, he’s old friends with Patroni.) John Davidson is an American reporter who is in love with a Russian gymnast (Andrea Marcovicci). Avery Schrieber is traveling with his deaf daughter. Monica Lewis plays a former jazz great who will be performing at the Moscow Jazz Festival. Jimmie Walker is her weed-smoking saxophonist. Charo shows up as herself and gets kicked off the plane before it takes off.
The most important of the passengers is Maggie Whelan (Susan Blakely), a journalist who has evidence that her boyfriend, Kevin Harrison (Robert Wagner), is an arms trafficker. Harrison is determined to prevent that evidence from being released so he programs a surface-to-air missile to chase the Concorde. Patroni is able to do some swift maneuvers in order to avoid the missile, which means that we get multiple shots of passengers being tossed forward, backwards, and occasionally hanging upside down as Patroni flips over the plane. Oddly no one really gets upset at Patroni about any of this and no one seems to be terribly worried about the fact that someone is obviously trying blow up their plane. Even after the stop-over in Paris, everyone gets back on the Concorde! That includes Maggie, who could have saved everyone a lot of trouble by just holding a press conference as soon as the plane landed in Paris.
A year after The Concorde came out, Airplane! pretty much ended the disaster genre. However, even if Airplane! had never been released, I imagine The Concorde would have still been the final Airport film. Everything about the film feels like the end of the line, from the terrible special effects to the nonsensical script to the Charo cameo and Martha Raye’s performance as a passenger with a weak bladder. The first Airport film was an old-fashioned studio film standing defiant against the “New Hollywood.” The second Airport film was a camp spectacular. The third Airport film was an example of changing times. The fourth Airport film is just silly.
And, really, that’s the main pleasure to be found in The Concorde. It’s such an overwhelmingly silly film that it’s hard to look away from it. For all of its weaknesses, The Concorde will always be remembered as the film that featured George Kennedy opening the cockpit window — while in flight — and shooting a flare gun at another plane. As crazy as that scene is, just wait for the follow-up where Kennedy accidentally fires a second flare in the cockpit. “Put that out,” Alain Delon says while David Warner grabs a fire extinguisher. It’s a silly moment that it also, in its way, a great moment.
The Concorde brings the Airport franchise to a close. At least George Kennedy finally got to fly a plane.
Airport ’77 is the one where the plane ends up underwater.
If the first two Airport movies emphasized the competence of the the crew in both the airplane and the airport, Airport ’77 takes the opposite approach. The first of the Airport films to be released after Watergate, Airport ’77 is a cynical film where no one seems to be particularly good at his or her job. Viewers should be concerned the minute they see that Jack Lemmon is playing Captain Don Gallagher, the pilot of the soon-to-be-submerged airplane. As opposed to Charlton Heston or even the first film’s Dean Martin, Jack Lemmon was always a very emotional actor. He excelled at playing characters who were frustrated with modern life. Just as with Heston and Martin, Lennon plays a pilot who is having an affair with a flight attendant. The big difference is that, this time, the pilot is the one who desperately wants to get married while the flight attendant (played by Brenda Vacarro) is the one who doesn’t want to get tied down. As an actor, Lemmon didn’t have the arrogance of a Heston or the unflappability of Dean Martin. Instead, Jack Lemmon was the epitome of midlife ennui. He’s disillusioned and he’s beaten down. He’s America at the tail end of the 70s.
Another sign that Airport ’77 is a product of the post-Watergate era is the character of co-pilot Bob Chambers (Robert Foxworth). Chambers might seem like a nice and friendly professional but actually, he’s the one who comes up with the plan to knock out all of the passengers with sleeping gas and fly the plane into the Bermuda Triangle so that his partners-in-crime can steal the valuable art works in the cargo hold. Chambers plans is to land the plane on an unchartered isle so that he and Banker (Monte Markham) can make their escape before the rest of the people on the plane even wake up. Instead, Chambers turns out to be as incompetent a pilot as he is a criminal. He crashes the plane into the ocean, where it promptly sinks to the bottom. The impact wakes up the passengers, all of whom can only watch in horror as the ocean envelopes their plane. With the water pressure threatening to crush the plane, Captain Gallagher and engineer Stan Buchek (Darren McGavin) try to figure out how to get everyone to the surface.
As usual, the passengers are played by a collection of familiar faces. Olivia de Havilland and Joseph Cotten play former lovers who are reunited on the flight. Christopher Lee is a businessman who is unhappily married to alcoholic Lee Grant. Grant is having an affair with Lee’s business partner, Gil Gerard. A young Kathleen Quinlan plays the girlfriend of blind pianist Tom Sullivan. Robert Hooks is the bartender who ends up with a severely broken leg. As the veterinarian who is called to doctor’s duty, M. Emmet Walsh gives the best performance in the film, if just because he’s one of the few characters who really gets to surprise us. Actors like George Furth, Michael Pataki, and Tom Rosqui all wander around in the background, though I dare anyone watching to actually remember the names of the characters that they’re playing. Airport ’77 has the largest number of fatalities of any of the Airport films, largely because even the good guys aren’t really sure about how to reach the surface.
George Kennedy returns as Joe Patroni, though his role is considerably smaller in this film than it was in the first two. He shares most of his scenes with James Stewart, who plays the owner of the plane. Fortunately, neither Stewart nor Kennedy were on the plane when it crashed. Instead, they spend most of the movie in a control room, getting updates about the search. They don’t get to do much in the film but it’s impossible not to smile whenever Jimmy Stewart is onscreen, even if he is noticeably frail.
Airport ’77 is the best-made of all of the Airport films. The crash is well-directed and the scenes of water dripping into the plane are properly ominous. There’s not much depth to the characters but Jack Lemmon and Darren McGavin are likable as the two main heroes and Christopher Lee seems to be enjoying himself in a change-of-pace role. Olivia de Havilland and Joseph Cotten, two old pros, are wonderful together. That said, Airport ’77 is never as much fun as the first two films. Even with the plane underwater, it can’t match the spectacle of Karen Black having to fly a plane until Charlton Heston can be lowered into the cockpit.
Through the Shattered Lens 