Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.24 “Uncle Charlie”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, a special guest star is forced to appear on the show.

Episode 1.24 “Uncle Charlie”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on May 9th, 1999)

Jason and Scott are totally excited because their Uncle Charlie is coming to visit.  As they explain to Murray, Uncle Charlie has been in the Marines for 30 years and is a total badass.  Murray says that he tried to join the Marines but was classified as being “FW.”  “Freaking weirdo,” Murray says.  Peter then says that he doesn’t like it when Charlie comes to visit because Charlie always make fun of him for being too thin.  Really when this show started and Peter was supposed to be like a seriously cool surfer dude?

Anyway, Charlie shows up and he’s played by Dick Butkus.  After finishing up both Hang Time and Half-Nelson, I thought I was done with reviewing anything to do with Dick Butkus but nope, here he is in yet another Peter Engel-produced show!  I imagine that Butkus did this show as a favor to Peter Engel or maybe Butkus was just under a contract that he couldn’t get out of.  Still, it’s hard not to notice that Butkus does not appear to be particularly enthusiastic about appearing on Malibu CA.  While it’s true that Butkus always came across as being more of an ex-athlete than an actor (because, of course, that’s exactly what he was), Butkus still at least made an effort on Hang Time.  In Malibu, CA, Butkus seems to be struggling to stay awake.

Uncle Charlie is upset because the Marines want him to consider retirement.  Charlie works out his frustration by having Jason and Scott do calisthenics.  (He’s not their favorite uncle anymore!)  But then Charlie starts hanging out with Murray and Murray encourages Charlie to be a beach bum.  That sounds good to Charlie and I have to admit that I think Dick Butkus hanging out on the beach in a Hawaiian shirt with Murray actually had a lot of potential.  I’m as surprised as anyone that Murray has turned out to be this show’s saving grace but he has.  I guess we should be glad the Marines didn’t take him.

Charlie’s new beach-centric philosophy becomes a problem when Charlie finds himself being considered for a job at a military school.  The school doesn’t want beach bums!  Can Jason and Scott straighten Charlie out?  Will Jason ever manage to get through a scene without looking straight at the camera for his cue?  Who cares?

As for the B-plot, Traycee has tickets to the Beastie Boys.  She invites Stads and Sam to come to the concert with her.  Awwww, how nice!  “You’ve only got two tickets!” Stads snaps because, for some reason, the show has decided that Stads should always be in a bitchy mood.  (Remember when the show started and Stads was vaguely likable?)  Sam and Stads compete for the title of Traycee’s best friend.  Years later, Paris Hilton had a reality competition show based around the same concept.

This episode was dull.  When not even Dick Butkus can make your actors look good by comparison, you’ve got a problem.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.5 “Outpost”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

I have a cold and a slight fever so tonight’s review is going to be a short one.

Episode 3.5 “Outpost”

(Dir by T.K. Hudson, originally aired on October 28th. 1990)

In the far future, a space mining company is transforming terminally ill people into cyborg mutants and sending them to work on inhospitable planets in return for keeping them alive.  Cara (Juliet Mills), a representative of the company, is sent to one of the outposts to discover why the horribly disfigured Sebastian (Tony Fields) is no longer doing his job.

Separated by a layer of glass, Sebastian and Cara have a 19-minute conversation.  Cara is rude and condescending and makes it clear that she has zero concern for the well-being of Sebastian.  This is perhaps as bitchy as the world will ever see a Mills sister act, which is really saying something when you consider some of the Saved By The Bell episodes in which Hayley Mills played Miss Bliss.  Sebastian has been hearing voices and is tempted to just wander across the alien landscape until he dies.  Why should he spent the rest of eternity miserable and alone.

Cara gets annoyed.  She says that work is important.  Why, when her husband was ill and dying, she didn’t even bother to take off from her job to visit him.  He died while she was away or, at least, that’s what the company told her….

Can you see where this is going?

This episode benefitted from the performances of Juliet Mills and Tony Fields but the story was extremely predictable.  The dialogue was definitely a bit more intelligent than we’ve seen in previous episodes of Monsters and I respected the episode’s ambition but, in the end, the story dragged a bit and the big twist was easily guessed.  This was not a terrible episode but it wasn’t particularly memorable either.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.13 “Doc Take the Fifth/Safety Last/A Business Affair”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Love, exciting and new….

Episode 5.13 “Doc Take the Fifth/Safety Last/A Business Affair”

(Dir by Bruce Bilson, originally aired on Jan. 2nd, 1982)

Returning from his vacation, Doc boards the boat with a young Russian blonde woman named Tania (Irena Ferris).  Oh, the crew says, Doc has a new girlfriend.

No, Doc has a new wife!  Doc and Tania met after Doc saw her performing as a member of a communist symphony during his vacation.  They struck up a conversation and, according to Doc, it was love at first sight,  After a whirlwind courtship, Doc and Tania got married, mere hours before heading to the boat.  It’s going to be a working honeymoon for Doc and he can’t wait to consummate the marriage.  The crew can’t wait for him to do it either.  (Seriously, they are oddly obsessed with Doc Bricker’s sex life.)  This is Doc’s fifth marriage and it’s going to last!

Except …. Tania doesn’t seem to want to consummate the marriage.  In fact, once the boat sets sail, Tania seems to be avoiding Doc.  Doc wonders if maybe Tania is just shy but seriously — refusing to have sex with your new husband on a luxury cruise ship?  No one’s that shy!  Then Doc spies Tania kissing another passenger.

“Adam,” the captain says, “you don’t know Tania that well.”

Indeed, Adam does not.  Eventually, Tania tells Doc Bricker the truth.  She married Adam so she could stay in the country with the true love of her life, political dissident Mikhail (Kai Wulff).  Tania says that she really, really likes Doc but she is not in love with him.  Both Tania and Mikhail apologize to Doc and tell him that Tania will get the marriage annulled and return to Russia.

Personally, I think Doc would have been justified in tossing them both overboard.  Instead, Doc asks Captain Stubing to call a friend at the State Department and arrange for Tania to get permanent refugee status in the United States.  Awwww, that was nice of Doc!

This storyline was depressing but, as I’ve said before, I always appreciate it when The Love Boat allows Doc Bricker to be something other than just a lech.  Bernie Kopell was so likable in the role that it was always nice when he got to play Doc as being a nice guy as opposed to a manipulative sex addict.  Kopell did an especially good job in this episode, especially at the end where he appears to be on the verge of tears as he watches Tania and Mikhail leave the boat.

As for the other two stories, neither one was particularly interesting.  A safety inspector (Don Adams) is so obsessed with safety that he nearly misses a chance for romance with Alice (Britt Ekland).  Luckily, Isaac is there to set him straight.  A business executive (Robert Fuller) is upset that everyone thinks he’s sleeping with his Vice President (Judy Norton).  But then he falls in love with her and sleeps with her for real so I guess the rumors were true!

Those stories were boring but Doc’s story redeemed this week’s cruise.  Poor Doc!  Maybe the sixth time will be the charm.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.2 “First Shoot”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bicycle cops continue to expect to be taken seriously.

Episode 1.2 “First Shoot”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on March 9th, 1996)

It’s a busy time for the bicycle cops of Santa Monica.

Elvis (David Lander), the bicycle repairman who speaks with an indecipherable accent, is paranoid because a group of Bulgarian men are wandering the beach and asking if anyone knows where they can find him.  It turns out that the men are not dangerous but instead, they are the members of Bulgaria’s Olympic bicycling team.  They want Elvis to be their official team repairman.  However, Elvis previously had an affair with the girlfriend of one of the Olympians so he declines the offers.  He prefers the glamour of California.

Meanwhile, a pickpocket is robbing people on the boardwalk.  When he makes the mistake of grabbing the wallet of an old Italian man named Mr. Tataglia (Joseph Campanella), Tataglia goes to Lt. Palermo and explains that he wants the wallet back because it contains a picture of his wife.  He would consider it a matter of personal respect if Palermo retrieved the wallet and he promises to repay the favor.  Fortunately, the brave bicycle cops do catch the pickpocket.  Mr. Tataglia watches from a distance and nods.  I guess Mr. Tataglia is meant to be a mobster.  Believe it or not, not all Italians are in the Mafia.  I’m a fourth-Italian and I’m fairly sure that side of my family is not mob-related.

While that’s going on, Chris and Del Toro ride their bikes out to a film set and provide security for a spoiled movie star named Scott Magruder (Bojesse Christopher).  Chris is the one who has a crush on Magruder but it’s Del Toro who is seduced by the prospect of fame.  When Magruder gives Del Toro a line in the movie, Del Toro has visions of movie stardom in his head.  But then the scene gets cut.  Sorry, Del Toro, looks like you’re just going to have to spend the rest of your life riding around the beach on a Schwinn like a dumbass.  Scott later gets arrested in a bar fight but it turns out it was a publicity stunt.  Chris is saddened to learn that celebs aren’t as likable in real life as they are in the gossip pages.  Myself, I’m just wondering why Chris has gone from being the smart and driven character that she was in the pilot to being a total airhead just one episode later.

Finally, Cory and the bike cops help the real cops bust a group of drug dealers.  Cory shoots an aspiring rapper named Rasheed (Jeremiah Birkett).  Rasheed claims that he didn’t have a gun.  Cory is determined to prove that he did.  Apparently, this was the first time that Cory ever shot anyone.  Strangely, it doesn’t seem to rattle her at all that she nearly ended someone else’s life.  I mean, it seems like most people would have a more emotional reaction to nearly killing a man, even if that guy was a criminal with a gun.  Cory, however, is cool and calm and kind of creepy about it.  It’s established that Cory comes from a family of cops so maybe that’s why the shooting doesn’t faze her.

There was a lot going on in this episode.  Actually, there was probably too much going on.  This is only the second episode of the show and it’s not like any of the characters have really developed much of an individual personality.  Everyone is still pretty much interchangeable.  As a result, none of the action in this show carried much of an emotional impact.  The characters are all still strangers to me.

Maybe things will improve next week.

(Seriously, let’s hope so!  I’ve got a lot of episodes to make my way through before I’m done with Pacific Blue.)

 

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life on the Street 2.3 “Black and Blue”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, Pembleton gets a confession.

Episode 2.3 “Black and Blue”

(Dir by Chris Menaul, originally aired on January 20th, 1994)

In this week’s episode, Pembleton manipulates a man into confessing to a murder that he didn’t commit.  Pembleton does it with the full knowledge that the man is innocent and that, if the man is indicted and goes to trial, he will undoubtedly be found guilty as a result of that coerced confession.  Pembleton does it to prove a point to Giardello.

The man is Lane Staley (Isaiah Washington), who has been identified (by his grandmother, who was just trying to be helpful) as an eyewitness to the shooting of Charles Courtland Cox.  Pembleton is convinced that Cox was shot by a policeman and he only wants to interrogate Staley as a witness.  Giardello, who feels that Pembleton is to obsessed with his cop theory and who, as a proud member of the police force, does not want Pembleton to be right, insists that Pembleton treat Staley as a suspect.  Pembleton responds by going into the Box and pretending to be sympathetic to Staley’s situation.  He and Staley talk about how they’re both expected to always be polite and careful about what they say around white detectives.  Pembleton jokes that he always has to be extra polite when he comes to work.

Staley starts to open up to Pembleton and eventually admits that he was present when Cox was shot.  That’s when Pembleton starts shouting at Staley, accusing him of being responsible and basically browbeating Staley until Staley is in tears.  Pembleton makes Staley feel guilty for not doing more to protect Cox and continues to yell at him until, eventually, Staley feels that Cox’s murder was his fault.  Staley finally signs a confession, even though it’s obvious that the sobbing man is not a murderer.  Pembleton hands Giardello the confession and reminds him that’s the way that the police have been getting confessions out of young black suspects for years.

It’s a powerful moment and one that took me totally by surprise.  Andre Braugher and Yaphet Kotto both gave excellent performances in this episode.  The dynamic between Pembleton and Giardello has always been one of the more interesting parts of the show.  The fact that both of them are black and both of them are portrayed as being fully aware of the racism surrounding them brings an extra edge to their debate as to whether or not the black Cox was shot by a white policeman. (At one point, Giardello snaps at Pembleton to speak to him as respectfully as he speaks to the white lieutenants and it’s the exact type of moment that most shows would never have the courage or insight to portray.)  Pembleton is a great detective because he’s laser-focused on getting a confession, to the exclusion of worrying about anything else.  Giardello is a great lieutenant because he’s enough of a pragmatist to understand that some battles are not worth the price of victory.  In the end, Giardello comes to realize that Pembleton is right about the shooting but one still has to wonder what would have happened in Giardello hadn’t torn up Staley’s confession.  The murder of Cox would have disappeared from the headlines but the innocent Staley would have disappeared into the system.

The scenes with Pembleton and Staley were so electrifying that it made up for the fact that this is yet another episode that features Bolander feeling sorry for himself after his divorce.  Fortunately, for Bolander, he meets and befriends a young waitress named Linda (Julianne Margulies) who mentions that she plays the violin.  Bolander reveals that he plays the cello — WHAT!?  Since when has Bolander, someone who has expressed no interest in art or creativity or even music during his entire time of the show, become a cello player?  The episode ends with Bolander and Linda playing their instruments together and it’s a sweet scene but it’s still a bit hard to buy that apparently every woman in Baltimore is instantly attracted to a middle-aged, balding cop who spends all of his time talking about his divorce.  Ned Beatty was one of the great character actors but it sometimes feels like Homicide wasn’t sure what to do with his character.

But, hey, maybe Bolander will finally stop being so whiny.  That’s my hope.  This episode found Munch breaking up with his girlfriend after he accidentally gave her a carnivorous fish that ate all of her other fish.  At one point, Munch says that he can’t accept the idea of Bolander being happier than him.  Seriously, Munch, don’t jinx this.  I’ve been listening to Bolander complain nonstop for 15 episodes.  If he’s happy now, let him have it!

Next week …. life on the street continues!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out 3.3 “Puppy Love”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and Peacock!

This week, some new guy shows up.

Episode 3.3 “Puppy Love”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on October 11th, 1987)

Derek has a crush on–

WHO!?

This episode introduces a brand new character named Derek (played by Andrew Miller).  He’s a shy teenager who works in the store, cleaning the floors and occasionally bagging groceries.  We’ve never seen him before but the show acts as if he’s always been around.  At one point, he talks to Howard about how much he’s always admired him and Howard acts as if he’s known Derek for years.  Derek has quite a bit in common with Murray, who Simon Reynolds played during the first two seasons of the show.  To be honest, it wouldn’t surprise me if this episode’s story was originally envisioned as being a Murray episode before Reynolds left the show.

Anyway, Derek has a crush on Marlene.  The episode opens with him having an extended fantasy about waking up with Marlene in his house.  It’s mostly notable because 1) this is the first time that we’ve ever seen Derek and 2) it’s one of the few times that Check It Out has ever utilized a set other than the grocery store.  Feeling too shy to actually ask her out in person, Derek decides to start leaving Marlene anonymous notes.  Marlene is excited because she thinks that the notes are being written by a handsome customer (Page Fletcher) who always flirts with her.

When one note asks her to dinner, Marlene goes to a nice restaurant and expects to see the customer.  Instead, Derek’s there to meet her.  Still not realizing that Derek is the one who sent her the notes and convinced that she’s been stood up, Marlene makes a joke about Derek being too young for her.  Derek’s heart is broken!  Then again, Derek is only sixteen so, seriously, he is way too young for Marlene. In fact, what’s he even doing at a restaurant by himself?  Where are your parents, Derek!?

In the end, it all works out.  Marlene discovers that Derek was the one sending her the notes and she apologizes for breaking his heart.  Meanwhile, the handsome customer comes by the store and asks Marlene out.  Yay!  Marlene is the character to whom I relate so I’m glad when good things happen to her.  Though, now that I think about it, Page Fletcher was the host of that Hitchhiker show where he was always showing up right before something terrible happened to someone.  Be careful, Marlene!

This episode was okay.  Marlene is one of the best characters on the show and Kathleen Laskey can get laughs out of even the lamest of one-liners so the episodes that center around her are usually better than the ones that don’t.  The only real problem with this episode is that it requires us to suddenly care about Derek, despite the fact that we have no idea who he is.  But, then again, that’s Check it Out for you.  The important thing is that this episode continued season 3’s steak of being more consistently funny than season 2.

 

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 1/5/25 — 1/11/25


Here’s some thoughts on what I watched this week as I waited for the snow to arrive.

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

The idea of the dark and cynical It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia crossing over with the earnest Abbott Elementary sounds like something that shouldn’t work but, instead, it worked brilliantly.  Dee becoming Janine’s best friend and then trying to steal away Gregory was brilliant.  I was so proud of Charlie, learning how to read at a kindergarten level.  Barbara is a wonderful teacher.

Check It Out (Tubi)

Look for my review later tonight.

Dark (Netflix)

As the snow fell in Texas, Case and I watched two more episodes of Dark.  We’ll have to get around to reviewing this intriguing German show soon.

Degrassi High (Tubi)

Look for my review tomorrow!

Doc (Tuesday Night, Fox)

This is a new show about a doctor who has amnesia.  I feel like this show is going to be limited by the fact that she’s going to have to get her memory back at some point.  I watched the premiere but I don’t remember much about it.  Maybe I’ve got amnesia!

Fantasy Island (YouTube)

You can read my review here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

You can read my review here!

Going Dutch (Thursday Night, Fox)

The second episode of Going Dutch, much like the pilot, didn’t do much for me.  I doubt I’ll be watching the third episode.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, Fox)

It’s black jacket time!  I felt sorry for Amanda, who I would have kept over the eternally aggrieved Whit.  That said, it’s pretty obvious that Brandon’s going to win.

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

You can read my review here!

Kitchen Nightmares (Tuesday Night, Fox)

Kitchen Nightmares has returned for another season.  Chef Ramsay is in New Orleans, helping terrible restaurants prepare for the Super Bowl.  This week featured part one of the two-part season premiere.  I think that the restaurant that Ramsay is trying to help is a lost cause but we’ll see what happens next week.  Nothing kills my appetite quicker than a cockroach-filled episode of Kitchen Nightmares.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

You can read my review here!

Monsters (YouTube)

You can read my review here!

Pacific Blue (Tubi)

I started reviewing Pacific Blue this week.  I have a feeling I’m going to regret this decision.

Shifting Gears (Wednesday Night, ABC)

Tim Allen will always be Buzz Lightyear to me and I like Kat Dennings but the first episode of their new sitcom didn’t do much for me.  They really should just call it Last Auto Mechanic Standing.

Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test (Thursday Night, Fox)

A bunch of middle-aged celebs are put through special forces training and are ridiculed when they drop out.  Telling 50-somethings Stephen Baldwin and Denise Richards that they failed themselves by not completing the training feels a bit silly.  Baldwin dropped out because he didn’t want to get hurt because it would cost him an acting job he had lined up.  (As far as I can tell, that’s a totally understandable concern.)  Richards was accused of being a princess because she didn’t want to drown.  Unless the goal is to actually put together a unit of out-of-shape commandos, how about giving it a rest with the whole, “The Corp doesn’t want quitters!” routine?

St. Elsewhere (Hulu)

You can read my review here!

Welcome Back, Kotter (Prime)

You can read my review here!

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back Kotter 4.13 “A Winter Coat’s Tale”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

It’s Christmas time!

Episode 4.13 “A Winter Coat’s Tale”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on December 16th, 1978)

This week’s episode opens with Vinnie Barbarino in his awful little apartment and the audience goes crazy.  This episode, which aired a year after the release of Saturday Night Fever, makes full use of John Travolta and his charm.  By the time the fourth season began, Travolta looked too old to still be in high school and, having become a movie star, he was only available for a limited number of episodes.  This led to a weird compromise where sometimes Vinnie was apparently still a student at the school and then, in other episode, he was a drop-out who had gotten a job as an orderly at the hospital.  To give credit where credit is due, John Travolta (along with John Sylvester White) appears to have been the only member of the cast who still making an effort during the fourth season.  While the other Sweathogs all seemed to be bored and Marcia Strassman seemed to be annoyed and Gabe Kaplan wasn’t ever around most of the time, Travolta alone still seemed to to be the only cast member with any enthusiasm for delivering the show’s silly punchlines.

As for this episode, it’s a Christmas episode.  Yay!  I love holiday specials!  This one is kind of a depressing Christmas episode because Gabe Kaplan is nowhere around.  Seriously, how burned out do you have to be to not even make an appearance during a Christmas episode?  I mean, the show was based on his stand-up act.  He was the Kotter of the title.  I’ve read that Kaplan was frustrated that the network refused to allow the Sweathogs to graduate high school.  He understood that the actors were all getting too old for the high school storylines that they were being given.  Kaplan’s idea was for the Sweathogs to graduate and enroll in community college.  The network turned him down and, as a result, Kaplan only made a few appearance during the final season of the show he inspired.

Instead, in this episode, it’s Julie who is seen teaching in Gabe’s old classroom.  I am really confused as to what Julie’s exact job was during season four.  Previously, she’s been Woodman’s secretary.  And occasionally, she’s acted like a guidance counselor.  Now, suddenly she’s a teacher.  The inconsistency of it is just annoying and again, it suggests that no one on the show really cared that much.

As for the episode’s plot, Vinnie bought himself a fake camel hair coat for Christmas.  Unfortunately, during a fire drill, it got trampled.  Vinnie tried to take it to a dry cleaner’s, just for it to be stolen by two muggers who Vinnie described as being “gorillas.”  Later, the muggers returned the coat to Vinnie’s apartment and they turned out to be two kids.  Vinnie, realizing that the kids had even less than him, gave them a coat for Christmas.  Unfortunately, he accidentally gave them Woodman’s coat instead of his.  Yes, Mr. Woodman and the Sweathogs were all visiting Vinnie’s apartment for Christmas.  Poor Mr. Woodman.  The episode confirmed that he had nobody in his life.

Usually, I like anything involving Christmas but this episode featured a bit too much Horshack (his Christmas poem made me want to throw away my laptop) and very little of the type of clever humor that made the first two seasons enjoyable.  I think graduation would have been the best present this show could have given the Sweathogs.

 

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.23 “The Maestro”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, it’s personal for Jack!

Episode 2.23 “The Maestro”

(Dir by Timothy Bond, originally aired on May 22nd, 1989)

Famed choreographer Anton Pascola (Colm Feore) is fond of saying that great art requires pain and he would know.  A former dancer, Anton was injured in an accident and now walks with a pronounced limp.  He has devoted his life to choreography and he has a small company of dancers who are devoted to him, despite his fearsome temper.  Because Anton’s dancers tend to be accident prone and also suicide-prone, there are frequent openings in his company.

Pascola’s newest dancer is Grace Cowell (Cynthia Preston).  Grace is young and naive and she thinks her dreams are about to come true.  She is also the daughter of one of Jack’s best friends.  When she takes Jack, Ryan, and Micki to a Pascola-choreographed performance of Romeo and Juliet, they are shocked to hear that the lead actors recently leapt out of a window together.  When Jack discovers that one of the cursed antiques is a Victorian music box that plays an amazing symphony but also forces the listeners to dance until they die, he realizes that Grace is in danger.

For all the time that they spend searching for cursed antiques, it’s amazing how often Jack, Ryan, and Micki just happen to stumble across one being used by someone they know.  I understand, of course, that it’s meant to add an extra personal element to their adventures.  Trying to save the daughter of his (never-seen) best friend adds something to the story that wouldn’t be there if Jack was trying to save someone he wasn’t personally close to.  But, at times, the way that this show depends on coincidence can get to be a bit much.

That said, Jack’s personal connection to this week’s antique does lead to one of the show’s most devastating endings.  Proving that he practices what he preaches, Anton dances to the music box’s symphony while an audience watches.  He dances until he dies.  Unfortunately, Grace is dancing with him and she dies as well.  This is not the first time that someone close to the main characters has died on this show.  What makes this episode unique is Jack’s reaction.  Jack has always been the wise father figure who helps to keep Micki and Ryan strong.  But when Grace dies, Jack has a breakdown.  He goes from obsessively trying to clean Grace’s blood off the music box to throwing antiques across the shop.  For once, it’s Micki and Ryan who have to calm down the distraught Jack.

The episode has more than a few plot holes and Grace’s actions often don’t make sense.  Even after she discovers that Pascola is killing his dancers, she still wants to work with him.  The implication is that she’s been brainwashed by his claims that art requires pain but there’s a difference between pushing yourself and killing yourself.  If Grace had previously acted like someone who had a death wish, the episode would not only make more sense but it would actually be a good deal more interesting.  That said, as someone who grew up going to dance classes and rehearsing and performing, I’ve certainly known my share of Anton Pascolas.  This was an episode to which I could relate.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.7 and 3.8 “Love and Marriage”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, we’ve got a two-hour episode of Highway to Heaven.

Episode 3.7 and 3.8 “Love and Marriage”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on November 12th, 1986)

It’s Mark and Jonathan’s four-year anniversary!

For four years, they have been traveling around the country and helping people out.  Mark is so excited that he makes a cake and decides not to watch the football game so that he and Jonathan can talk about old times.

“I remember the first time I met you,” Mark says at one point.

Later, Jonathan laughs and says that he remembers one really funny adventure they had.

Still later, Mark says, “Remember when Scotty proposed?”

Yay!  I thought as I watched all of this unfold.  It’s a clip show!  This will be easy to review!

However, it turned out that only first 20 minutes of the episode was a clip show.  Soon, Mark got a phone call telling him that his niece was getting married and that she wanted Mark to be the head usher.  Meanwhile, Jonathan put on his collar and became Rev. Smith, the man who would perform the ceremony.

Unfortunately, not all is well at the wedding rehearsal.  When the grandparents of the bride — Clarence (Bill Erwin) and Rose (Mary Jackson) — decide to get a divorce, this leads to the parents of the bride — Frank (Robert Mandan) and Carla (Barbara Stuart) — splitting up as well.  Seeing her elders splitting up, Trish Kelly (Anne Marie Howard) decides that there is no way she could marry Brad (Dean Scofield).

It falls to Jonathan and Mark to bring all of the couple back together.  Mark invades Clarence’s dreams and shows him how empty his life would have been if he had never married Rose.  Jonathan appears to Carla and explains that he’s an angel.  He gives Carla a chance to appear to Frank as a totally different woman.  Calling herself Ono, Carla dates Frank for a week but Frank eventually tells her that he loves his wife too much to be unfaithful to her.  Frank says that dating Ono made him realize how much he loved Carla.  It’s a good thing that Carla actually was Ono or Frank probably would have gotten the heck slapped out of him.

Seeing all of the members of her family getting back together inspires Trish to go ahead and give marriage a try.  Jonathan performs the wedding but now it’s a triple wedding as the grandparents and their parents join their daughter and renew their vows.  Wow, you all,  way to hog the spotlight on Trish’s special day.

This episode was a bit too cutesy for its own good.  I think if Jonathan and Mark has only been repairing one or two relationships, it would have been fine.  But three just felt like showing off and, more importantly, it left the episode feeling a bit overcrowded and overstuffed.

Fortunately, next week’s episode is one that I’ve actually seen before and I can promise you that it’s going to be a huge improvement!