Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 1.9 “Trouble My Lovely/The Common Man”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Smiles, everyone, smiles!

Episode 1.9 “Trouble, My Lovely/The Common Man”

(Directed by Cliff Bole, originally aired on April 1st, 1978)

This week’s episode of Fantasy Island opens, as most of them do, with Mr. Roarke sharing a few words with Tattoo before they leave to meet the plane.  This week, Roarke is surprised to find that Tattoo wearing a turban.  Tattoo has decided that there is money to be made in being a phony mind reader.

Roarke shakes his head dismissively and then it’s off to meet the latest visitors to Fantasy Island.  Unfortunately, the fantasies that follow are so boring that you’ll find yourself wishing that Roarke had spent more time talking to Tattoo.

Don Knotts plays a Stanley Schecktler, a claims adjustor who dreams of being a hard-boiled private investigator.  He gets his wish and soon finds himself in a noirish version of Los Angeles.  Stanley is hired by Ivy Chandler (Lynda Day George) to investigate the man who is blackmailing her daughter, Peggy (Pamela Jean Bryant).  Like all good detectives, Stanley narrates the story.

Eventually, Stanley finds himself investigating an actual murder!  Mr. Roarke and Tattoo shows up to inform Stanley that his fantasy is potentially deadly.  They offer to refund his money.  (Tattoo says that he rarely ever refunds money so I guess Tattoo is the Island’s business manager.  I know that’s been mentioned in a few previous episodes but I still find it hard to believe, considering how little respect Roarke seems to have for Tattoo.)  Stanley, however, is determined to solve the murder.  This leads to Tattoo, who has switched his turban for a fedora, giving Stanley one important piece of advice:

This fantasy had potential.  What film lover hasn’t fantasized about being a character in a film noir?  Unfortunately, the execution was lacking, with the majority of the comedic lines falling flat.  Don Knotts has a few funny moments as the detective but the story itself never finds the right balance between comedy and noir.

That said, at least there was an unexpected twist to the detective fantasy.  The show’s other fantasy was not only lame but also kind of annoying.  Bernie Kopell, who was so likable as Doc Bricker on The Love Boat, is far less likable as a wimpy family man who comes to Fantasy Island with one request.  He wants Mr. Roarke to be a terrible host so that he can stand up to him and win the respect of his family.  Seriously, that’s the entire fantasy!

Sorry, dude, but you deserve to get treated like a schmo for having pay thousands of dollar just to get your family to look up to you.  This guy spent a lot of money to have a fantasy on Fantasy Island that he could get for free just by taking his family out to Denny’s and demanding to see the manager.  Seriously, this whole fantasy was a bit pointless but at least Tattoo got to try out his mind reading tricks when he and Mr. Roarke came across the Kopell sitting at the bar.

Oh well!  Not every fantasy can be a winner.  Hopefully, next week will be better.

An Election Day Blast From The Past: Jerry Springer Isn’t Afraid Of The Truth


Today, we have a special election day blast from the past!

In 1982 (and not 1980, regardless of what the title of the YouTube video says), former Cincinnati Mayor Jerry Springer entered the race for governor of Ohio.  He was one of three major candidates to enter the Democrat primary.  During the campaign, Springer cut this memorable commercial in which he let voters know that, a few years earlier, he “spent some time with a woman (he) shouldn’t have” and that he “paid her with a check.”

Despite Jerry’s claim that “the nomination is finally within grasp,” he came in a distant third.  Of course, if Springer had won that election, America would never have had the Jerry Springer Show or any of the shows, like Maury, that followed its example.  So, Ohio, it’s all on you.  Elections have consequences.

Happy Election Day From The Shattered Lens


To our American readers (and writers), Happy Election Day!

Don’t fear, everyone.  I’m not a Get Out The Vote evangelist.  I think whether or not you cast your vote is your decision and, quite frankly, I think that you can make as legitimate a statement by refusing to vote as you can be casting your vote.  That’s one of the great things about America.  If you dislike all of the candidates, you don’t have to vote for them.  Don’t let tell anyone tell you otherwise.

That said, I vote in every election that I can because I like seeing all of the names on the ballot and, in the end, I do like to have some sort of say in how things go.

Here is TV’s Hank Hill with his thoughts on why you should register to vote.

Happy Election Day, everyone!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 2.5 “War of the Roses” and 2.6 “Short Cuts”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

The season continues!

Episode 2.5 “War of the Roses” 

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 5th, 1996)

Mary Beth (Megan Parlen) proves once again that she is the coolest girl at Deering High by painting the boy’s locker room pink without asking them.  Vince (Michael Sullivan) freaks out about the pink (actually, it’s salmon) and leaves Mary Beth an angry note.  Mary Beth gets angry about the note and hires a muscle-bound dude to threaten Vince in front of his friends.  Vince tries to get Mary Beth to eat a poisoned chili dog.  Eventually, Mary Beth somehow changes Vince’s grades to make it appear the Vince is ineligible to play basketball while Vince STEALS COACH FULLER’S WALLET and tries to frame Mary Beth.

Like, seriously, what the Hell?

It all leads to a really weird scene in which a mock trial is held to determine whether or not Mary Beth and Vince should be barred from being involved in basketball.  Finally, Mary Beth acknowledges that she shouldn’t have repainted the locker room without talking to anyone (how exactly did Mary Beth repaint the locker room without anyone noticing?) and Vince admits that his note was rude.  Everything works out.

Meanwhile, in the B-plot, Julie again proves herself to be the world’s worst girlfriend by getting angry at Josh for trying to throw her a surprise birthday party.  This whole Julie/Josh subplot felt like it belonged in a first season episode but it did lead to Mary Beth smashing a birthday cake in Julie’s face, which was kind of satisfying considering how whiny Julie was in this episode.  (“This is why I hate surprise parties!” Julie yells.)

This was …. well, look, it was pretty dumb.  But Megan Parlen was a good enough comedic actress to save her storyline.  And personally, I’m on her side as far as the locker room is concerned.  That shade of pink really was pretty.

Episode 2.6 “Short Cuts”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 12th, 1996)

Wow, Vince sure is a screw-up.  He spent the previous episode trying to destroy Mary Beth’s life.  This episode, he starts taking steroids.  Of course, this leads to him getting acne and roid rages but it also helps him win a few basketball games so …. well, let’s just say that everyone is quick to jump on Vince’s back for taking drugs but no one suggests giving back any of their victories.

Vince is using drugs because he wants to attend a basketball clinic with Coach Fuller and a short basketball player named Muggsy.  (I went on Wikipedia and discovered that Muggsy actually was a real basketball player, even though he was shorter than me!  That’s kind of neat!)  At the start of the show, Fuller announces that only Julie and Josh qualify for the clinic because, in the world of Hang Time, Julie and whoever she’s dating at the time are the only people who can actually play well.  Once Vince starts taking the steroids and having rages, he qualifies for the clinic but he is just as quickly disqualified because of his drug use.  Fortunately, Muggsy is there to tell him to stop being a whiny baby and to stay off the pills.

In the B-plot, Danny directs a really crappy sci-fi film.  Unfortunately, he also accidentally films Vince with his dealer so Vince destroys the tape.  Damn, Vince!

This episode was a reworking of the episode of California Dreams in which Tiffani got hooked on steroids and the episode of Saved By The Bell where Zach needed to raise money to replace the school’s video camera.  It was predictable but the cast did a fairly good job.  If nothing else, this episode showed that Reggie Theus improved quite a bit as an actor between seasons 1 and 2.  And he didn’t need steroids to do it!  Let that be a lesson to all.

Film Review: Project Skyquake (dir by József Gallai)


Project Skyquake, the latest film from director József Gallai, opens with a voice in the darkness.  The voice belongs to Andrew Derrickson (Simon Bramford), the stepfather of a student journalist named Cassie.  Andrew explains that Cassie and her friend Margot have been missing for a while.  They are actually one of the many people who disappeared all in the same day, an event that changed the world.

As he speaks, we see scenes of empty roads, abandoned buildings, and ominous forests and we can’t help but notice that there does not seem to be many people around.  We know that something big has happened but we don’t know what yet.  However, when looking at these desolate images, it’s hard not to think about what the real world has gone through over the past two years.  Due to the pandemic and lockdowns, many people did literally seem to disappear.  They retreated into their homes and they locked their doors and some have yet to emerge.  In the early days of the Pandemic, images of empty streets and deserted buildings were a regular feature on the news and online.  Some news sources even took to referring to the pre-COVID days as being the “before time,” as if the expectation was that the world would just have to accept the new normal of a empty streets and missing faces.  Project Skyquake, I should make clear, is not directly a COVID film but it is a film that resonates because of what most of humanity has just been through (and what many people are currently still experiencing).  At a time when many are trying to memoryhole what it was like and pretend as if it really wasn’t as bad as all that, Project Skyquake is a film that reminds us of exactly what it felt like to feel as if one was witnessing the end of the world.

We watch footage of the days leading up to the disappearance of Cassie (Laura Ellen Wilson) and her friend Margot (Laura Saxon).  Cassie is fascinated by “skyquakes,” a very real phenomena in which people have reported hearing explosions and trumpets coming from the sky.  As Cassie explains it, some people think that the skyquakes are UFO-realted.  Some blame the government.  Some say it’s a natural occurrence with a scientific explanation.  Others view the skyquakes as being the sound of heavenly trumpets announcing the start of the rapture and the end of the world.  Cassie explains that the skyquakes could be holes in time and we are hearing the sounds of the future.

After receiving a video from Hank (Tom Sizemore), another skyquake researcher, Cassie and Margot drive out to a location where skyquakes have frequently been reported.  They’re hoping to capture the phenomena on film.  Instead, they find themselves driving further and further into what appears to be a deserted forest.  Of course, the forest isn’t as deserted as it may appear and Cassie and Margot soon discover the truth about the skyquakes….

Project Skyquake is an enjoyably creepy found footage film.  The film makes good use of its atmospheric locations, with the forest and the things found within growing significantly more threatening with each passing moment.  (The shots of the abandoned buildings and the unwelcoming wilderness reminded me a bit of Jean Rollin’s The Night of the Hunted, with its portrayal of semi-deserted and dystopian Paris.)  The film does a good job of capturing the frightening and powerless feeling of being lost, both physically and mentally.  Laura Ellen Wilson and Laura Saxon are both immediately sympathetic as Cassie and Margot and, even more importantly, they’re believable as lifelong friends.  The viewer really does care about what is going to happen to them.

The film also does a good job of portraying the underground network of paranormal investigators and hobbyists who are convinced that there is more to the world than what can be easily seen.  Along with Tom Sizemore’s Hank. we also hear from Scott Carmichael (Robert LaSardo), an expert on the phenomena, and a Professor Stokkebø (Jon Vangdal Aamaas).  They are people who come from different parts of the world and different backgrounds but what they all share in common is a belief that there is more out there than we know or have been told about.

Project Skyquake is a short but effective film about a real-world phenomena.  It’ll make you listen to the sky a little more carefully then next time you’re standing underneath it.

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us For The Bodyguard from Beijing and Man On Fire!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, SweetEmmyCat is hosting 1994’s Bodyguard From Beijing starring Jet Li!

 

Following #MondayActionMovie, Brad and Sierra will be hosting the #MondayMuggers live tweet.  Tonight’s movie, starting at 10 pm et, will be 2004’s Man On Fire, starring Denzel Washington!  The film is available on Prime!

 

It should make for a night of intense viewing and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto twitter, start The Man From Beijing at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag!  Then, at 10 pm et, switch over to prime, start Man On Fire and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag!  The live tweet community is a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.  And reviews of these films will probably end up on this site at some point over the next few weeks. 

Music Video of the Day: I’m A Mess by Avril Lavigne, feat. Yungblud (2022, dir by Patrick Tracy)


Aren’t we all?

(Or, at the very least, we all like to think that we’re a mess.  Being a mess always makes for a more interesting story than being relatively unmessy and satisfied with life.  Just consider, for instance, the current freak-out of Twitter, a site that basically found popularity as a place for people to brag about being a mess.)

I’m a fan of any video that features people who are emotionally lost in London.  While Avril contemplates in the sunlight, Yungblud wanders through the city.

Enjoy!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Review: 10/31/22 — 11/6/22


I hope everyone had a great Halloween and a good week.  I, like everyone else here at the TSL Bunker, am still recovering from Horrorthon.  I’ve been exhausted for the past few days and I’m looking forward to taking it relatively easy for the rest of November.  At the same time, I’m also looking forward to my birthday this upcoming week!  Yay!

Did you remember to change your clocks?

Here’s what I watched and listened to this week!

Films I Watched:

  1. The Collection (2012)
  2. The Flight That Disappeared (1961)
  3. Halloween (1978)
  4. Light Blast (1985)
  5. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
  6. Patriot Games (1992)
  7. The Seduction of Gina (1984)
  8. 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

Television Shows I Watched:

  1. Abbott Elementary
  2. The Amazing Race
  3. Atlanta
  4. California Dreams
  5. City Guys
  6. Family Feud
  7. Fantasy Island
  8. Ghost Whisperer
  9. Hang Time
  10. Highway to Heaven
  11. It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia
  12. King of the Hill
  13. Law & Order
  14. The Love Boat
  15. Night Flight
  16. The Office
  17. One World
  18. Saved By The Bell
  19. Survivor

Music To Which I Listened:

  1. Adi Ulmansky
  2. Blanck Mass
  3. Blondie
  4. Britney Spears
  5. The Chemical Brothers
  6. Coldplay
  7. Cypecore
  8. ELO
  9. Goblin
  10. John Carpenter
  11. Katy Perry
  12. Kylie Minogue
  13. Lenny Kravitz
  14. Lorde
  15. Michael Fredo
  16. Miya Folick
  17. The Prodigy
  18. Rita Coolidge
  19. Saint Motel
  20. Taylor Swift
  21. Yvonne Elliman

Trailers:

  1. 6 Horrific Trailers for October 31st, 2022
  2. Avatar: The Way of Water

Live Tweets:

  1. The Shattered Lens Live Tweets Halloween
  2. Light Blast
  3. Patriot Games
  4. 10 Things I Hate About You
  5. The Collection

News From Last Week:

  1. Singer & Rapper Aaron Cater Dies at 34
  2. Actor/Director Doug McGrath dies of a heart attack
  3. Rapper Takeoff Shot Dead In Houston
  4. Actor Andrew Prine Dies At 86

Links From Last Week:

  1. The Magical Beauty Of Venice Italy At Night! From Watery San Marco Square’s Live Music To The Smallest Streets!
  2. The World’s Common Tater’s Week in Books, Movies, and TV 11/4/22

Links From The Site:

  1. Case reviewed It Came Nameless In The Spring and Close Your Eyes!
  2. Erin shared Nolan Ryan, True Crime Cases, The Hawk of Egypt, Spicy Western Stories, Next Stop Shame, November, 0 Days To Halloween, and Night Light!
  3. Erin has some baseball news: The Phillies Win Game 3, The Astros Take Game 4, The Astros Are Just One Game Away, and The Astros Have Won The World Series (yay!)
  4. Erin wished you a happy Halloween and also acknowledged the end of the season!
  5. Erin shared Halloween Through The Years!
  6. Leonard reviewed Possession!
  7. Jeff shared music videos from Guns N’ Roses and Phil Collins!
  8. Jeff examined what would happen if Dracula ran against LBJ!
  9. Jeff paid tribute to Steve Ditko!
  10. I reviewed Hang Time, Fantasy Island, The Love Boat, City Guys, One World, and California Dreams!
  11. I shared music videos from Aaron Carter, Britney Spears, Lorde, Lenny Kravitz, and Cypecore!
  12. I reviewed The Seduction of Gina, To Save A Life, Night of the Comet, Killers From Space, Survival of the Dead, All The Kind Strangers, King of the Lost World, Terror at London Bridge, Cyborg Cop, Last Shift, A Trip to the Moon, and God’s Club!
  13. I shared scenes from 10 to Midnight and A Field In England!
  14. I paid tribute to Jean Rollin!
  15. I shared my week in television!
  16. For Halloween, I shared 8 Shots From 8 Horror Films, an AMV, an episode of Highway to Heaven, an episode of the Real Ghostbusters, and Night of the Living Dead!
  17. I shared a message from Silver Shamrock!

More From Us:

  1. For Reality TV Chat Blog, I reviewed the latest episodes of The Amazing Race and Survivor!
  2. At my music site, I shared songs from Danny Elfman, ELO, Kylie Minogue, Miya Folick, Lorde, Britney Spears, and Aaron Carter!
  3. At my dream journal, I shared: No Dreams Last Night, Fragment of a Hotel Dream, Fragment of a Dream, and Last Night’s Ambiguity!
  4. At her photography site, Erin shared: Sun in Black and White, Not Abandoned, Have a Seat, Lost in the Tree, Green, and Pink Flowers!  For Halloween, she shared: Smile, The Arrival, Passageway, Cabin, Barn, Skeleton, Jake and Max Halloween, One Dark Street, The Old House, Evil Tree, Who Why?, Driving, Unknown, Boooo!, Still Smiling, Floating Skeleton, Welcome, At the End of the Path, In A Very Odd House Very Odd Things Will Happen, Camera, One Piece of Film, Lights in the Dark, and Upon Opening It They Discovered The Body Was Gone!

Want to see what I did last week?  Click here!

Retro Television Reviews: The Seduction of Gina (dir by Jerrold Freedman)


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1984’s The Seduction of Gina.  It  can be viewed on Tubi!

Gina (played by Valerie Bertinelli) is bored.

She’s a 20 year-old newlywed who spends her days going to college and her nights sitting in a tiny apartment and waiting for her husband, David (Fredric Lehne), to come home.  David is an intern at a hospital.  He works the nightshift and, as a result, he’s usually exhausted and not particularly communicative.  Unlike her husband, Gina comes from a wealthy family and she’s due to inherit a good deal of money as soon as she turns 21.  However, David stubbornly refuses to use any of Gina’s money to make either of their lives better.  He gets angry when Gina even mentions the possibility.  He’s prepared to spend the next ten years living in a crummy apartment and working terrible hours.  Once he establishes himself as a doctor, he says that he and Gina can start to think about starting a family.  Are you getting the feeling that David has control issues?  Because that’s definitely the feeling that I got from him.

Bored and frustrated, Gina turns to gambling.  Who can blame her?  Not only is it a way to make some money and bring some excitement into her life but it’s also something that she’s really good at!  She starts out just putting bets on horse races.  (The owner of a nearby bodega is also a bookie.)  She uses the money to buy a new television set, which David totally freaks out about.  Soon, Gina is sneaking off to Lake Tahoe.  While David works at the hospital, Gina hits the blackjack table and spins the roulette wheel.  She even attracts the eye of Keith Sindell (Michael Brandon), a handsome lawyer who loans her money and obviously has an interest in her that goes beyond card games.  Every morning, she jumps in her car and rushes back to San Francisco, arriving at her apartment before David gets home and lying to David about what she’s been doing all night.

It starts out well but this wouldn’t be a TV movie if there wasn’t a bit of drama.  Unfortunately, Gina’s luck starts to change and she soon finds herself in debt.  The owner of that bodega is a lot less nice when he’s demanding his money.  And Keith might be willing to cheat on his wife with her but he still expects her to pay back the money that he’s given her.  The world of gambling turns out to be harsh and unforgiving.  Gina is forced to find ways to get the money.  If that means lying to her husband, her father (played by Ed Lauter), and her accountant, so be it.  She might even have to — gasp! — get a job as a cocktail waitress!

It’s obvious from the start that Gina is going to get into trouble, or at least it’s obvious to everyone but Gina.  And really, isn’t that the way life is sometimes?  Usually, the only person who can’t see the walls closing in is the person who is about to get crushed.  The Seduction of Gina is melodramatic and predictable but Valerie Bertinelli is likable in the role of Gina and the scenes in casino are enjoyably gaudy and a little bit sordid.  It’s an entertaining movie, a Lifetime film that came out before Lifetime.  The film’s message is not to gamble but The Seduction of Gina makes winning look like so much fun that it probably inspired more people to hit the casinos than to stay at home and balance the checkbook.  In the classic DeMille fashion, this film offers both sin and a hint of salvation but it understands that sin is more entertaining to watch.