The TSL Horror Grindhouse: Blind Date (dir by Nico Mastokaris)


In 1984’s Blind Date, Joseph Bottoms stars as Jonathon Ratcliff, an American who works in Greece.

Jonathon would appear to have it all.  He has a good job in an exotic land.  He has a nice home.  He has a beautiful girlfriend named Claire (Kirstie Alley).  He has co-workers who love him so much that they insist on throwing him a birthday party and giving him his cake while he’s making love to Claire.  Jonathon enjoys jogging and listening to music and spying on his neighbor, which the film treats as a harmless little thing that all men do.  I mean, I guess we should be happy that Jonathon isn’t disguising himself as a taxi driver and murdering the women that he picks up with a scalpel.  No, someone else is doing that.

Jonathon suddenly loses his eyesight.  Fortunately, Dr. Steiger (James Daughton) has a solution.  He’s created a computer program that turns sound into very primitive, grid-like images.  As long as Jonathon is wearing his headphones, he can see … kind of.  At first, it’s all good fun.  Jonathon beats up the extremely flamboyant muggers who have been harassing him at the subway station.  And he continues to spy on his neighbor whenever she’s getting undressed which is not cool considering that Claire has stayed with him through his entire ordeal.

Meanwhile, the scalpel murders are continuing….

Now, to be honest, I assumed that Jonathon was going to form some sort of mental connection with the killer and start seeing the murder through the killer’s eyes.  Instead, Jonathon just hears the killer walking with one of his victims and he ends up investigating on his own, despite not really being able to see well.  Basically, the whole idea of Jonathon being blind doesn’t have much to do with the thriller aspect of the plot.  I could maybe accept that if the film hadn’t spent a huge amount of time explaining in pain-staking detail how exactly Jonathon’s “eyes” work.  The action literally stopped for a huge chunk of the film’s running time so that the film could make its most ludicrous plot point seem even more ludicrous.

Greek director Nico Mastokaris is obviously trying to do an Argento-style giallo with Blind Date and, indeed, Argento himself has a noted habit of including intriguing but ultimately pointless red herrings in his films.  Just as Asia Argento having the Stendhal Syndrome proved to be a bit inconsequential to The Stendhal Syndrome, Joseph Bottoms being blind is inconsequential to Blind Date.  That said, Argento can get away with that sort of thing because, even in his weaker films, he’s clever stylist and he usually maintain a solid narrative pace.  Blind Date, on the other hand, is rather draggy and Joseph Bottoms is not a particularly likeable hero.

On the positive side, James Daughton (he was the head of the evil frat in Animal House) gives a genuinely interesting performance and Kirstie Alley is likable as the neurotic Claire.  For the most part, though, one can see why the sequel promised in the closing credits never came to be.

Horror Novel Review: The Lifeguard by Richie Tankersley Cusick


I read 1988’s The Lifeguard earlier today.  It’s a fast read, which is always a good thing.

The book tells the story of teenage Kelsey, whose father has just died and whose mother is already getting ready to marry her new boyfriend, Eric.  Personally, I think mom is moving a bit too fast but then again, Eric’s rich and he invites Kelsey and her mom to spend the summer on Beverly Island.  Kelsey makes new friends.  She meets the people who might soon become her stepsiblings.  She develops a crush on two of her potential stepbrothers, shy Justin and the intimidating Neale.  And she gets involved in a potential murder when Beth, yet another of Eric’s children, disappears.  Did Beth drown or did she fall victim to the killer of Beverly Island?

This book was so silly.  Can Kelsey solve the mystery?  Even more importantly, can Kelsey decide which one of her future stepsibilings she wants to date?  Justin seems nice but Neal is so dark and mysterious.  Can Kelsey figure out why the mysterious old man keeps yelling at her?  Could he be the killer?  He seems like kind of an obvious choice but Kesley might as well go ahead and break into his boat just to be sure….

Apparently, this book is considered to be a bit of a cult classic, solely because of the cover.  And the cover is pretty cool.  The book itself is nothing special but I probably would have appreciated it more if I hadn’t already read countless old school YA books with the exact same plot.  I can only guess the R.L. Stine read The Lifeguard at some point.

This book also wins some points from me for having a ludicrously “happy” ending.  Everything works out even though, to be honest, nothing should have worked out.  Kelsey should have been traumatized for life and whatever plans her mom had to marry Eric should definitely have been cancelled!  Seriously, there’s some things that not even the best of relationships can survive!  That said, the ending was so over-the-top and — here’s that word again — silly, that I couldn’t help but appreciate it.

Horror On TV: One Step Beyond 2.14 “Make Me Not A Witch” (dir by John Newland)


In tonight’s episode of One Step Beyond, Emmy (Patty McCormack) makes the mistake of telling her parents (Eileen Ryan and Leo Penn) that she can read minds.  Needless to say, the news does not go over as well as Emmy might have hoped.  Her parents have a farm to run!  The last thing they need is a witch in their midst!

Emmy runs to the church and prays, “Make me not a witch!”

But what if the world needs a witch?

As with every episode of One Step Beyond, this episode is supposedly based on fact.  Patty McCormack is best-remembered for her Oscar-nominated performance in The Bad Seed while Eileen Ryan and Leo Penn are best remembered as being the parents of Sean and Chris Penn.

This episode originally aired on December 22nd, 1959.

Enjoy!

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us For Pulp Fiction!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasion ally Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We snark our way through it.

After we finish up this week’s #MondayActionMovie on Mastodon, we will be hopping over to twitter where #MondayMuggers will be showing 1994’s Pulp Fiction!  The film is on Prime and it starts at 10 pm et!

It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join the live tweets, just hop over to twitter at 10 pm et, pull Pulp Fiction up on Prime, and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag! 

Enjoy!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.3 “Killshot”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, another friend of Crockett’s is in trouble!

Episode 3.3 “Killshot”

(Dir by Leon Ichaso, originally aired on October 10th, 1986)

Crockett and Tubbs are working undercover as Burnett and Cooper to take down drug lord Morales (Roger Pretto).  Morales is one of the most powerful drug lords in Miami but he’s still not connected enough to know that Burnett and Cooper are undercover cops.  I know that I bring this up nearly every time I write about this show but it just baffles me that Crockett and Tubbs are somehow still able to maintain their covers despite the fact that those covers have gotten blown in numerous episodes and Crockett makes no effort to act any differently when he’s pretending to be Burnett.  At least Tubbs uses his fake Jamaican accent whenever he’s pretending to be Cooper.  Crockett doesn’t even bother to change his suit before pretending to be Burnett.

That said, they’ve somehow managed to keep Morales from discovering that they’re cops.  So, Morales instead focuses on manipulating a customs agent, Frank Ariolla (Carlos Cestero).  Frank’s brother, Tico (Fernando Allende) is an up-and-coming jai alai player.  (That’s the sport, prominently featured in Miami Vice‘s opening credits, in which the players use a wicker to both catch and launch a ball.)  However, Tico also has a raging cocaine problem.  In fact, the drug often leaves him impotent.  When a prostitute suggests that Tico might not be attracted tp women, Tico goes crazy and blacks out.  When he wakes up, the prostitute appears to be dead and madam Isabel Batista (Maria Duval) says she’ll protect Tico for a price.  Frank has to work as a double agent or Isabel and Morales will send a tape of Tico attacking the prostitute to the police.

(For the record, the prostitute was only pretending to be dead as a part of a plot to frame Tico.  But then Isabel had her killed for real.)

Trying to protect his brother, Frank agrees to work for Morales.  But when a guilt-stricken Tico makes a mistake during a match that leads to him getting killed when he’s stuck in the head by the ja alai ball, will Crockett and Tubbs be able to stop Frank from taking his own violent vengeance on both Morales and Isabel?  As you probably already guessed, this is yet another Miami Vice episode the ends with a freeze frame and an off-screen gunshot as Crockett yells, “No!”

If there’s one thing that has stayed consistent over the first three seasons of Miami Vice, it’s that it does not pay to be a friend of Sonny’s.  From Jimmy Smits getting blown up in the pilot to Ira Stone dying last week to Frank throwing his life away to avenge his brother in this week’s episode, anyone who has ever been close to Crockett seems to end up having terrible luck.  I’m stunned that Tubbs has managed to survive for as long as he has.

As for this episode, Crockett and Tubbs both seemed to be sidelined in favor of the story of Frank and Tico.  It’s always weird when Crockett and Tubbs become supporting characters on their own show.  Carlos Cestero and Maria Duval both gave good performances, which is good because it helps to distract from the fact that Morales is a fairly dull villain and Tico is not a particularly compelling character.  For the most part, this episode works best as a commercial for ja alai, which looks a hundred times more exciting than most sports.  Certainly, its fast action and the constant danger of sudden death makes it the ideal sport for Miami.

Horror Scenes That I Love: The Skeleton Scene From The House On Haunted Hill


Today’s horror scene is a classic moment from a classic film, 1959’s The House on Haunted Hill! 

One of the joys of this film is definitely watching Vincent Price having a lot of fun with that skeleton.

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us for Vampirella!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasion ally Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We snark our way through it.

Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be Vampirella, from director Jim Wynorksi!

It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up Vampirella on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag!

Enjoy!

October True Crime: Killer’s Delight (dir by Jeremy Hoenack)


The 1978 film, Killer’s Delight, opens with the usual beautiful shots of San Francisco in the 70s.  It’s a lovely city, full of attractive people with their entire lives ahead of them.  The camera lingers on the Golden Gate Bridge.  If your movie doesn’t feature the Golden Gate Bridge, is it really set in San Francisco?

A van drives through the city and into the countryside.  My first instinct was to think, “Oh, that’s definitely a rape van,” and yes, it is.  (Seriously, don’t ever accept a ride from someone with a van.  Actually, you shouldn’t be hitchhiking to begin with!  Shame on you!)  The owner of the van, Danny (John Karlen), pulls over to the side of the road and tosses a naked woman’s body over the side of a cliff.

AGCK!

Now, I have to admit that Killer’s Delight (which is known by about a dozen other titles, including The Dark Ride) is a film that I’ve tried to watch several times but I’ve always struggled to make it all the way through.  That’s not because of the subject matter, though as a woman who once thought of herself as being invincible, I could certainly relate to many of the women who appeared in this film and made the fatal mistake of getting in that van.  No, the reason why I’ve always struggled with Killer’s Delight is because it’s a slow movie.  It’s not necessarily a bad film but it’s not one to watch if your eyelids are already starting to feel heavy.

This is an early serial killer film, made before it was decided that every killer should be portrayed as being an erudite and witty anti-hero.  Instead, the film’s killer is a loser named Danny (John Karlen) who has never gotten over his childhood and who, when he’s not killing, is busy sobbing.  It’s certainly a more realistic portrayal of a serial killer than anything that one might find in any of the films or books about Hannibal Lecter.  Danny has two skills.  He’s good at disguising himself and he’s fairly good at getting rid of bodies whenever there’s no one else around to see him.  Otherwise, he’s a total loser.  This realistic portrayal actually makes Danny into a very scary character.  You’re never going to meet Hannibal Lecter in real life.  That’s one reason why it’s so easy for some people to accept his crimes.  However, there are hundreds of people just like Danny out there.  There’s probably at least a few in your city right now.

The majority of the film is taken up with Sgt. Vince De Carlo (James Luisi) and his attempts to prove that Danny is the killer.  Vince is married and very protective of his daughters.  He’s also having an affair with a psychiatrist (Susan Sullivan) who runs the potential of becoming one of Danny’s victims.  Vince becomes obsessed with Danny but, much like Charles Bronson in Ten To Midnight, he knows that the justice system does not know what to do with a monster like Danny.

As I said, it’s a slow film but it is well-acted and, if you stick with it, it does cast an ever-growing atmosphere of doom.  It’s the type of film that will make you double-check the locks before you go to bed.

As for why this is a true crime film, it’s loosely based on the crimes of Edmund Kemper and Ted Bundy.  At the time the film was made, Bundy was still at large.  Killer’s Delight was the first film to be based on Bundy’s crimes, though Danny ultimately has more in common with Kemper than with Bundy.

Horror Film Review: Godzilla vs SpaceGodzilla (dir by Kensho Yamashita)


Poor Godzilla!

At the start of 1994’s Godzilla vs. Spacegodzilla, our favorite big green radioactive monster isn’t asking for much.  Mostly, he just wants to live on his island and be left alone.  He’s busy raising Baby Godzilla and he’s minding his own business.  That’s one thing that people tend to forget when it comes to Godzilla.  With the exception of the very early films, Godzilla is usually just minding his own business until he’s forced to go on a rampage by either aliens or humans.  In this film, Godzilla has to deal with both.

There’s a SpaceGodzilla heading towards the Earth.  Apparently, Godzilla cells were released into space during the epic battles that were featured in both Godzilla vs. Biollante and Godzilla vs Mothra.  Those cells were exposed to the radiation of a black hole and the end result was SpaceGodzilla.  SpaceGodzilla is coming to Earth to not only dethrone Godzilla as King of the Monsters but also to transform Earth’s core into a power source that it can use to do whatever it is that SpaceGodzillas do in their spare time.

After being warned by those two annoying little faeries that follow Mothra around everywhere, psychic Miki Saegusa (Megumi Okada) and some members of G-Force head to the island that Godzilla calls home.  Unfortunately, the Yakuza follows them because the want to capture Miki so that they can use her psychic powers to control Godzilla and use him to …. well, I don’t know.  I mean, yes, Godzilla is an awesome weapon but he’s really big and there’s always a lot of collateral damage whenever he gets into a fight and it seems like using him to commit any sort of Yakuza-style crimes would be a bit counter-productive.  I mean, you can’t really extort businesses if they all get destroyed by Godzilla, can you?  Plus, I just don’t see Godzilla agreeing to chop off the tip of his finger or get all of those Yakuza tattoos.

But listen, I’m thinking too hard about the plot here.  Yes, there’s some stuff that goes on with the humans but that’s all forgotten as soon as SpaceGodzilla lands and abducts Baby Godzilla.  Grown-up Godzilla is out for vengeance and it leads to some very dramatic fights.  This film gives us a chance to see Godzilla fight, more or less, himself and it’s an entertaining sight.  This is a bit of a campy film, even by Godzilla standards.  It even ends with a warning that SpaceGodzilla might return if human don’t stop polluting space.  (Uhmm …. talk to Mothra, she’s the one who sent all those cells up there.)  But the important thing is that the battles are fun to watch and Baby Godzilla is adorable.

Who needs the Son of Godzilla when you’ve got this?

Previous Godzilla Reviews:

  1. Godzilla, King of the Monsters (1958)
  2. Godzilla Raids Again (1958)
  3. King Kong vs Godzilla (1962)
  4. Mothra vs. Godzilla (1964)
  5. Ghidorah: The Three-Headed Monster (1964)
  6. Invasion of the Astro-Monster (1965)
  7. Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster (1966)
  8. Son of Godzilla (1967)
  9. Destroy All Monsters (1968)
  10. All Monsters Attack (1969)
  11. Godzilla vs Hedorah (1971)
  12. Godzilla vs Gigan (1972)
  13. Godzilla vs Megalon (1973)
  14. Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla (1974)
  15. The Terror of Mechagodzilla (1975)
  16. Cozilla (1977)
  17. Godzilla 1985 (1985)
  18. Godzilla vs. Biollante (1989)
  19. Godzilla vs King Ghidorah (1992)
  20. Godzilla vs. Mothra (1992)
  21. Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla 2 (1994)
  22. Godzilla vs. Destoroyah (1995)
  23. Godzilla, Mothra, and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack (2001)
  24. Godzilla (2014)
  25. Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters (2017)
  26. Godzilla, King of the Monsters (2019)
  27. Godzilla vs Kong (2021)
  28. Godzilla Minus One (2023)

Horror Film Review: Festival of the Living Dead (dir by Jen and Sylvia Soska)


Opening with a montage of scenes from Night of the Living Dead mixed in with actual footage of civil unrest from the 60s, Festival of the Living Dead imagines a world where a zombie outbreak actually did occur in 1968.

Humanity survived.  All of the zombies were apparently put down by human hunters and the plague of the living dead was ended.  In order to commemorate the night of the living dead, a Festival of the Living Dead is held every year at the sight of the zombie outbreak.  Over the past 55 years, the Festival has become a high-priced event that can only be attended by people who are willing to spend a lot of money for the honor to stay in tents, listen to live music, and set fire to a giant wicker woman.  Essentially, the Festival of the Living Dead is Burning Man but instead of basing the festival of new age nonsense, the Festival is based on a zombie outbreak.

Unfortunately, those who attend the Festival have lost sight of what the party is supposed to be about.  Now, instead of celebrating the survival of humanity and paying honor to those who lost their lives (sometimes more than once in one night!), the people attending the Festival are just influencers who are hoping to go viral.  Early on in the film, Iris (Carmen Bicondova) point out how weird and tacky it is to have a festival celebrating an event where so many people died.

This year, the folks at the Festival of the Living Dead are going to be reminded about what the entire festival is supposed to be about!  When one vlogger films himself snorting what he claims to be a crushed meteorite, everyone assumes that he’s just another person looking for online fame.  But soon, he’s foaming at the mouth, throwing up, and then savagely attacking the festival staff.  Of course, those who have seen the original Night of the Living Dead will remember the much-ridiculed scene in which a news reporter is heard to speculate that the dead are coming back to life due to space dust that was brought back to Earth by NASA.  It turns out that reporter knew what he was talking about.  It’s not just a case of Hell no longer having room for the dead.  It’s the meteorites!

Ash (Ashley Moore) and her friends try to survive the Festival of the Living Dead, which turns out to not be an easy task.  Not only are zombies famous for being relentless in their pursuit of the living but the living are famous for reacting to living dead outbreaks in the dumbest ways possible.  Ash has one cool friend, that would be Iris.  Unfortunately, the rest of her friends are nowhere near as smart.  Fortunately, Ash has zombie hunting in her blood.  Though the film doesn’t specifically state it, it’s suggested that her grandfather was Ben, the hero of Night of the Living Dead.

Festival of the Living Dead is a loving homage to Night of the Living Dead and its sequels.  It’s undeniably derivative but it’s also made with so much love for the genre that it doesn’t matter that you’ll be able to guess who is going to live and who is going to die from the minute they first appear onscreen.  Ashley Moore, Carmen Bicondova, and Christian Rose (as the film’s bravest character) all give strong performances and the film’s central joke — which is that everyone at the Festival is either too stoned or too stupid to initially notice the zombie outbreak — is one that works because it’s rooted in fact.  Do you seriously think anyone at Burning Man would notice the living dead?