What Lisa Watched Last Night #144: A Student’s Obsession (directed by Damian Romay)

Posted on November 2, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On Sunday night, I watched a Lifetime movie called A Student’s Obsession.

Why Was I Watching It?

Well, the obvious answer that it was on Lifetime. But even beyond that, there’s the fact that the title contained the word “obsession.” Anytime a Lifetime film is about an obsession, it usually turns out to be pretty good.

What Was It About?

Stephanie (Louise Lombard) is a science teacher in Florida. During a field trip to the Florida Everglades, Stephanie is kissed by her new student, James (Alex Esola). Stephanie demands that James be transferred to another science class but it turns out that James doesn’t take rejection well. Soon, Stephanie is being stalked but is she being stalked by James or by her creepy colleague, Richard (Richard Haylor)? And, even more importantly, should she be concerned that her daughter, Nicole (Ella Wahlestedt), has a new boyfriend who is named Seth but looks just like James?

What Worked?

The film was enjoyably over-the-top and melodramatic. That, after all, is what we expect from a Lifetime movie about obsession and A Student’s Obsession delivered.

What Did Not Work?

How stupid can one person be before you lose all sympathy for her? That’s the question that you have to consider while watching this film because Stephanie does a lot of very stupid things. Obviously, whenever it comes to a movie like this, you have to be willing to suspend your disbelief but this movie demanded that you do more than just suspend it. In order to take this movie seriously, you had to ignore the whole concept of disbelief. Stephanie did so many stupid things that it was next to impossible to have much sympathy for her.

Myself, I lost all sympathy for Stephanie the minute that she decided to sit in a car and have a conversation with James. This occurred right after Stephanie had been fired because of all the rumors about her and James. And yet, even though Stephanie knew that everyone was saying stuff that could possibly cause her to never work as a teacher again, she still decided to get in a car with James and have a conversation with him. And, of course, the car was parked in the school parking lot so any teacher or student could have easily walked by and seen the two of them.

At that point, I said, “Okay, Stephanie — you’re too dumb for me to care about.”

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

Oh, there was so much I related to in this film and I’m not just talking about the whole experience of having to deal with creepy stalkers. For instance, much like Stephanie, I am a runner. I run whenever I’m stressed out and, when I’m running, I’m usually off in my own little world. That whole scene where Stephanie nearly got run over because she wasn’t paying attention when she ran out in the middle of the road? Done that.

(Of course, the big difference is that I yelled at the car and gave the driver the finger and everything else. Stephanie just kind of ignores the car.)

I also related to Stephanie’s daughter, Nicole. This was largely because Nicole was a rebellious redhead and so am I!

Lessons Learned

I should have gone to high school in Florida. Seriously, the school was huge and the science class got to go on a totally kickass field trip to the Everglades.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #143: Online Abduction (dir by Steven R. Monroe)

Posted on November 2, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This weekend, as I recovered from our latest Horror Month here at the Lens, I watched the latest Lifetime original film, Online Abduction.

Why Was I Watching It?

So, as our long-time readers can probably imagine, last month was an exhausting time here at the Shattered Lens. Though I don’t have an exact count, I believe that I personally wrote over 150 reviews for October. When Halloween finally arrived I was on the verge of collapse. What better way to decompress than by watching the latest film on Lifetime?

What Was It About?

Isabel (Brooke Butler) is a teenager with issues. Her mother (Natalia Livingston) ignores her. Her stepfather (David Chokachi) is overly critical of her. Her 3 year-old brother gets the all the attention. Feeling unwanted by her family, Isabel spends most of her time online or hanging out with her friends, all of whom spend most of their time online as well.

However, one day, her little brother is abducted. With her parents blaming her and the FBI turning out to be surprisingly inefficient, Isabel takes it upon herself to find out what has happened to her little brother. And, fortunately, she knows how to use the internet to do it…

What Worked?

Most Lifetime movies are basically about unappreciated mothers whose daughters refuse to take their advise until it’s almost too late. The film usually ends with the daughter hugging her mom and admitting that she should have listened to her mother from the beginning. Online Abduction, however, tweaks the formula. This time, it’s the daughter who knows best and the mom who should have listened to her from the beginning.

As well, most Lifetime film present the internet as being an instrument of the devil. So, it was interesting to see a Lifetime film where the internet was not only a good thing but also the key to solving all of the world’s problems. (Online Abduction was pretty much the epitome of a “the internet can do anything!” movie.)

What Did Not Work?

The mystery was a bit pedestrian. I kept waiting for some big twist and it never came. Online Abduction lacked the type of over-the-top, batshit crazy melodrama that a lot of us look forward to when it comes to Lifetime movies.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I related to Isabel. It’s not easy being a teenager.

Lessons Learned

The kids are alright and the Internet can solve anything.

Review: Ash vs. Evil Dead Season 1 Episode 1 “El Jefe”

Posted on November 1, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

@LisaMarieBowman @GroovyBruce If that's sarcasm, well-played.

— Ash vs Evil Dead (@AshvsEvilDead) November 1, 2015

Last night, like all good horror fans, I sat down and I watched the premiere of the new Starz show, Ash vs. Evil Dead!

And it was groovy!

Okay, I’m sorry. I imagine that I am one of about 100,000 reviewers who started a review of Ash vs. Evil Dead by saying that it was groovy. That is probably the most obvious thing that I could have possibly said and, as someone who prides herself on being both an original and a contrarian, I should be deeply ashamed.

But I’m not. Because, seriously — groovy was the perfect description for this show. Even if it wasn’t the catch phrase of both Ash Williams and Bruce Campbell, it would still be just the right word to use. After all, when Ash vs. Evil Dead was first announced, I know that a lot of people were worried that the show would somehow fail to live up to the legacy of the Evil Dead. They were worried that Starz would attempt to unnecessarily update the concept or that they would go The Walking Dead route and come up with a dark drama about a grim-faced Ash Williams trying to survive in a world that has been overrun by Deadites.

Well, after seeing the premiere episode, the world does seem to be in danger of being overrun by Deadites but Ash Williams is anything but grim-faced. Perhaps he should be, since it’s all kind of his fault.

When the first episode of Ash vs. Evil Dead opened, we discovered that Ash was living in a trailer park and that actually seemed rather appropriate. We also discovered that Ash is no longer encouraging people to “Shop smart. Shop S-mart.” No, instead he’s working at Value Mart. His co-worker, Pablo (Ray Santiago) looks up to Ash even before Ash tells him about what happened during the first two Evil Dead films. His other co-worker, Kelly (Donna Delorenzo), is a lot less impressed by Ash but he certainly likes her.

What does Ash spend his time doing? Well, he likes to go down to the local bar and make up stories about why he has a “rosewood” hand. And, during the first few minutes of the episode, he keeps seeing people suddenly transformed into Deadites. Even when he’s at work, he ends up getting attacked by an apparently possessed doll, a scene that allows Bruce Campbell to show off his flair for physical comedy.

Why are the Deadites back? Simply put, they’re back because Ash fucked up. That shouldn’t really be a surprise to anyone because that’s kind of what Ash does. (Fortunately, he’s played by Bruce Campbell so we love him anyway.) In this case, Ash was stoned and he decided to impress a one night stand by reading the Necronomicon Ex Mortis.

(If Ash actually learned from his mistakes, he just wouldn’t be Ash.)

One thing I liked about the first episode of Ash vs. Evil Dead is that it didn’t waste any time getting right to what everyone wanted to see. It opened with the assumption that, if you were watching, you already knew about the twisted history of Ash and the Deadites. This episode was directed by Sam Raimi and it was full of everything that you could possibly want — cray camera angles, insane tracking shots, slapstick comedy, and blood. And I do mean a lot of blood. Whenever the episode threatened to get too serious, Bruce Campbell popped up with another bit of physical comedy or a strangely inspired line reading. Whenever things threatened to get too silly, a Deadite would suddenly show up and start screaming. (The Deadites are always scary, regardless of how much comedy may be going on around them.) Raimi and Campbell struck a perfect balance between comedy and horror.

I imagine that, for many, the premiere’s big applause scene came when Ash and his chainsaw met in mid-air. It was a perfect moment and hopefully, the rest of the series will follow the premiere’s lead.

Because if it does, this show is going to be really …. groovy.

Horror on TV: The Twilight Zone 5.3 “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet”

Posted on October 31, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Wow. It’s hard to believe that is going to be my final televised horror of the year. (Though I imagine this feature will return in October of 2016 — just in time for election season!) Well, let’s get right to it!

For our final televised horror, I have selected a classic episode of The Twilight Zone. In Nightmare at 20,000 Feet, William Shatner is a man who, though being scared of flying, finds himself on an airplane. And guess what he sees out on the wing?

This episode was written by one of Arleigh’s favorite writers, the great Richard Matheson. It was directed by Richard Donner and originally aired on October 11th, 1963.

Enjoy Nightmare at 20,000 Feet! And here’s hoping that all of our readers have had a wonderful, safe, and happy Halloween!

The TSL’s Daily Horror Grindhouse: Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror (dir by Andrea Bianchi)

Posted on October 31, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“For my final entry in October’s Daily Horror Grindhouse, I want to take a few minutes to tell you about an Italian zombie film from 1981. Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror is not very good but it certainly is memorable. I think it’s debatable whether or not any pleasure can truly be described as being guilty but if there ever was a movie that some people might feel guilty about enjoying, it would probably be Burial Ground.”

“Is that the movie with creepy kid in it?”

“Well, yes, one of the characters in this film is supposed to be a 12 year-old boy and yes, he’s kind of creepy. But you know what? Whenever anyone tries to talk about Burial Ground, everyone always wants to talk about the creepy kid. So, let’s hold off on the creepy kid…”

“That kid really is creepy…”

“Yes, I know the kid is creepy but there’s more to the film than just the kid! For instance, I wonder how many people realize that Burial Ground is perhaps the most blatantly political Italian zombie film ever made? I mean, let’s think about it. This is a film where a bunch of decadent rich people get trapped in a mansion — the same mansion that was used in Patrick Lives Again, by the way — and find themselves besieged by zombies. And who are the zombies? They’re the former workers. They’re the servants who used to toil in the fields and who died exploited and forgotten. And now, without any explanation, they’re suddenly back and they’re determined to kill everyone. And when it comes time to get inside the house, they actually use tools. They have scythes and hammers and all the former tools of their oppression. They are now using them to kill the rich. Well, not just the rich. There are two servants — a butler and a maid — who side with the rich and therefore, have to be killed as well because that’s the way things are in a revolution….”

“What was up with that kid?”

“We’ll get to him. No matter what else you say about Burial Ground, you can’t deny that the zombies were amazingly effective. I mean, they really looked like the living dead and, even if the ‘living’ actors were never quite convincing, the zombies were scary!”

“Not as scary as that creepyass kid…”

“You know, sometimes I think that y’all spend so much time going on about the weird little kid in Burial Ground that you tend to overlook some other fun parts of the film. For instance, there’s the scene Janet — played by Karen Well — gets her ankle stuck in a bear trap and, every time that her boyfriend Mark (Gianluigi Chirizzi) tries to pry it open, he accidentally ends up letting go and it snaps back shut on her ankle. On the one hand, I was having sympathy pains for poor Janet because, as a dancer, I know how much ankle pain sucks. On the other hand, I couldn’t help but laugh because the scene just goes on for so long that it actually starts to resemble a poorly-written SNL sketch. Plus, is it just me or does Mark look like a really young Jack Nicholson?”

“That creepy kid kind of looked like Dario Argento…”

“Yes, he did. But there’s more to this film than the kid! For instance, remember how it ends with this long quote from something called The Prophecy of The Black Spider but, on the title card, they misspelled prophecy…”

“Maybe the kid wrote that card…”

*Sigh* “Okay, I guess I should just admit the truth. The most memorable thing about Burial Ground is the creepy kid. The zombies may be effective. The film may be full of blood, nudity, bear traps, and misspelled words. But ultimately, it all comes down to the character of Michael. Michael is supposed to be 12 years old. He has a small body but he’s also got this weird adult face. According to the credits, he was played by an actor named Peter Bark and strangely enough, there seems to be next to no information available about him. This has led to rumors that Peter Bark was actually a little person or that all of his scenes used trick photography to make him look smaller than he actually was. According to Wikipedia, Peter Bark was actually 25 years old but he was cast because Italian law wouldn’t allow a child to appear in a film like Burial Ground. I don’t necessarily believe that, however. All I can say for sure is that Michael is a creepy little kid and the fact that he was obviously dubbed by an adult trying to sound like a child doesn’t help.”

“That’s not the only reason that Michael was creepy!”

“That’s true. He also has a few … icky scenes with his mother. She, by the way, was played by Mariangela Giordano. Like Giallo in Venice and Patrick Lives Again, Burial Ground was produced by her boyfriend, Gabriele Crisanti. For some reason, any film that he produced featured Mariangela dying in the most gruesome ways possible.”

“Plus, that little kid sure was creepy.”

“Yes, this is true. He certainly was. Happy Halloween.”

“Happy Halloween!”

“Before we leave, here’s two trailers for Burial Ground. The second one is the real trailer. The first one is all Michael.”

Horror Film Review: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (dir by Tobe Hooper)

Posted on October 31, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Occasionally, I get asked why I am always making mean-spirited jokes about Vermont. Well, believe it or not, there is a reason! Would you believe that it all goes back to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

In an editorial that was posted on this very site, I argued that one reason why, ever since it was initially released in 1974, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre has remained an iconic horror film is because the title specifically alerts you that the film takes place in Texas. For whatever reason, people across America are terrified of my home state. Despite the fact that we’re all pretty friendly down here, people are scared to death. They think we’re all walking around with guns or that something’s bad is going to happen if you make a wrong turn. (And, of course, folks from up north can’t handle the fact that the temperature occasionally gets above 85. “OH MY GOD, IT’S GLOBAL WARMING!” the tourists shout. No, morons — it’s just summer in Texas.) In order to prove my point, I pointed out that no one would want to see a movie called The Vermont Chainsaw Massacre.

For good measure, I may have then added, “Fuck Vermont.” Because — well, why not?*

Within hours of posting that editorial, I heard from someone in Vermont and OH MY GOD, she was so offended! Seriously, she seemed to be really upset that I was suggesting that nobody would be scared of getting horribly murdered while driving through Vermont!

So, to the people of Vermont, accept my apologies. Y’all are just as capable of killing people with a chainsaw as we are, okay?

Seriously, though, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre would never work if it was set in Vermont. That’s not just because Vermont su …. uhmm, is a lovely state. That’s because The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a uniquely Texan film. One reason why this film is so successful is because it was made by Texans and it starred Texans (no inauthentic accents here!) and it was filmed in Texas during the summer. From the minute we see that van driving down the road, we feel the isolation of the characters. Every frame of the film is filled with Texas heat and humidity and, as such, the audience can almost literally feel how uncomfortable it is inside the van, so much so that you really can’t blame everyone for wanting to get out and walk around for a while. Ultimately, the burning sun is as important a character in this film as Sally (Marilyn Burns), her obnoxious wheelchair-bound brother Franklin (Paul A, Partain), or Leatherface (Gunnar Hansen), the hulking cannibal who chases after them with a chainsaw.

Actually, it’s a little bit difficult to know what to say about The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It’s such a famous film that even people who haven’t seen it feel as if they had. And every review always points out the reasons why it works: the film is shot in an almost documentary style, Marilyn Burns was one of the great scream queens, Leatherface’s final dance with his chainsaw is pure nightmare fuel, and, despite the fearsome title, next to no blood is actually seen on screen. This is one of those films where we imagine we see a lot more than we actually do. Despite being advertised as being a “chainsaw massacre,” only one person actually falls victim to a chainsaw and he’s so obnoxious that you’re kind of happy that he finally stopped talking.

They may not be much blood on the screen but this is still one of the most stomach-churning films ever made. When Sally finds herself trapped in the house with Leatherface and his family, that house is so filthy and disgusting that you can literally smell the rotting flesh coming off the screen. This may be a case of my own OCD speaking but the squalor of that house tends to disturb me even more than some of the murders.

Speaking of the murders, the death of Jerry (Allan Danziger) always freaks me out. Jerry is looking for his other dead friends when Leatherface appears out of nowhere and hits him with a sledgehammer. Up until that point, Jerry seemed like the smartest of the five people to find themselves wandering around that desolated part of South Texas. Certainly, if I had been there, I probably would have wanted to stay with Jerry. Perhaps that’s why Jerry’s high-pitched scream before getting killed always disturbs me. If you’ve seen enough slasher movies, you know that the men in these movies — no matter what is happening to them — hardly ever scream. When Jerry does so, it makes the movie feel real in a way that most film influenced by Texas Chainsaw do not.

Listen, Vermont … I’m sorry you can’t have a chainsaw massacre of your very own. But The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a part of our history and, despite the negative implications of the name, we do take a certain amount of pride in it. It is truly one of the great horror films. Ignore the remakes, which were made by non-Texans and are all so excessively stylized that you have to wonder if the filmmakers even saw the original.

One final note: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre also has one of the truly great trailers. Check it out below!

——

* I should mention that I can usually trust someone around here to ask me if I really want to say something like “Fuck Vermont” before I hit publish. But that weekend, Arleigh was on vacation and this was before I had recruited my sister to come work here so there really wasn’t anyone else around the TSL offices who was used to dealing with me and my impulsive nature. I tried to show the post to Leonard to get his opinion about the F Vemont line but he was busy watching hockey…

It’s almost time, kids…

Posted on October 31, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

6 Trailers For Halloween!

Posted on October 31, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hello there! Welcome to a special Halloween edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Film trailers! The trailer kitties went out this morning (despite the fact that it’s been raining nonstop down here since yesterday) and they came back with these 6 horrific trailers for Halloween!

Let’s see what they’ve brought us!

(By the way, some of these trailers may be NSFW and some may contain excessive gore or even nudity so use your best judgment when it comes to watching. The TSL accepts no responsibility for the occasionally over-the-top choices of the trailer kitties.)

Zombi 2 (1979)

Axe (1974)

Welcome to Arrow Beach (1974)

Dracula (1979)

Andy Warhol’s Dracula (1974)

Halloween (1978)

What do you think, Trailer Kitty?

“Happy Halloween!”

Awwwwwww!

4 Shots From 4 Jean Rollin Films: Requiem For A Vampire, The Living Dead Girl, The Two Orphan Vampires, The Fiancee of Dracula

Posted on October 31, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films is all about letting the visuals do the talking.

4 Shots From 4 Films

Requiem For A Vampire (1971, directed by Jean Rollin)

The Living Dead Girl (1982, directed by Jean Rollin)

Two Orphan Vampires (1997, directed by Jean Rollin)

The Fiancee of Dracula (2002, directed by Jean Rollin)

Horror on the Lens: Night of the Living Dead (dir by George Romero)

Posted on October 31, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Happy October! It’s been a great horror month here at the Shattered Lens! Not only have we shared a record number of reviews but we’ve also received a record number of site views! Thank you everyone for reading and commenting and, to our new readers, we hope you’ll stick around even after Halloween!

Now, here at the Shattered Lens we have a tradition. Every Halloween, we share one of the greatest and most iconic horror movies ever made. That film, of course, is George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead! Enjoy and have a great Halloween!

(And after you’ve watched the film, be sure to check out Arleigh’s review!)