The Soldier is really only remembered for one scene. The Soldier (Ken Wahl) is being chased, on skis, across the Austrian Alps by two KGB agents, who are also on skis. The Soldier is in Austria to track down a KGB agent named Dracha (Klaus Kinski, who only has a few minutes of screen time and who is rumored to have turned down a role in Raiders of the Lost Ark so he could appear in this movie). The Russians want the Soldier dead because they’re evil commies. While being chased, the Soldier goes over a ski slope and, while in the air, executes a perfect 360° turn while firing a machine gun at the men behind him. It’s pretty fucking cool.
The Soldier, who name is never revealed, works for the CIA. He leads a team of special agents. None of them get a name either, though one of them is played by the great Steve James. When a shipment of Plutonium is hijacked so that it can be used it to contaminate half of the world’s supply of oil, The Soldier is assigned to figure out who is behind it. Because terrorists are demanding that Israel withdraw from the West Bank, Mossad assigns an agent (Alberta Watson) to help out The Soldier. She gets a name, Susan Goodman. She sleeps with The Soldier because, she puts it, the world is about to end anyway.
The Soldier was obviously meant to be an American James Bond but Ken Wahl did not really have the screen charisma necessary to launch a franchise. He is convincing in the action scenes but when he has to deliver his lines, he is as stiff as a board. Fortunately, the majority of the movie is made up of action scenes. From the minute this briskly paced movie starts, people are either getting shot or blown up. Imagine a James Bond film where, instead of tricking the bad guys into explaining their plan, Bond just shot anyone who looked at him funny. That’s The Soldier, a film that is mindless but entertaining.
Ken Wahl may have been stiff and Klaus Kinski may have been wasted but there are still some interesting faces in the cast. Keep an eye out for William Prince as the President, Ron Harper as the director of the CIA, Zeljko Ivanek as a bombmaker, Jeffrey Jones as the assistant U.S. Secretary of Defense, and George Straight performing in a redneck bar. Best of all, one of the Soldier’s men is played by Steve James, who will be recognized by any Cannon Films aficionado.
Surprisingly, The Solider is not a Cannon film. It certainly feels like one.
It’s hard out here for a pimp and even worse for a banker.
The year is 1989 and the Cold War is coming to an end. Colonel Jack Knowles (Roy Scheider) was a hero in Vietnam but now, years later, his eagerness to fight has made him an outsider in the U.S. Army. Most people would rather that Knowles simply retire but, as long as there are wars to be fought, Knowles will be there. His only friend, General Hackworth (Harry Dean Stanton), arranges for Knowles to be assigned to an outpost on the West German-Czechoslovakia border. As soon as he arrives, Knowles starts to annoy his superior officer, Lt. Col. Clark (Tim Reid). When Knowles sees a Czech refugee gunned down by the Soviets while making a run for the border, he unleashes his frustration by throwing a snowball at his Russian counterpart. Like Knowles, Col. Valachev (Jurgen Prochnow) is a decorated veteran who feels lost without a war to fight. Knowles and Valachev are soon fighting their own personal war, even at the risk of starting a full-scale conflict between their two nations.
The year is 1962. Lights flash over California and the news on the radio is bad. What everyone feared has happened. Atomic war has broken out and the world is about to end. Refugees clog the highways as a mushroom cloud sprouts over Los Angeles. This is year zero, the year that humanity will either cease to exist or try to begin again.
The year is 2012 and New York City, like the rest of the world, has been devastated by energy shortages, wars, and a great plague. The few survivors now live in isolated communes and are easily victimized by roving gangs of marauders. (On the plus side, this version of New York City has been spared Bill de Blasio.) The Baron (Max von Sydow) has managed to keep his people safe by ruling with an iron hand but he knows that it will only be a matter of time until his commune is overrun by the psychotic Carrot (William Smith) and his men. When a mysterious warrior known only as Carson (Yul Brynner) comes to the commune, the Baron tasks him with a very important mission: help his pregnant daughter (Joanna Miles) escape from New York City and transport both her and some genetically modified seeds to an island in North Carolina.
The year is 1962 and Douglas MacArthur (Gregory Peck), the legendary general, visits West Point for one last time. While he meets the graduates and gives his final speech, flashbacks show highlights from MacArthur’s long military career. He leaves and then returns to Philippines. He accepts the Japanese surrender and then helps Japan rebuild and recover from the devastation of the war. He half-heartedly pursues the Presidency and, during the Korean War, gets fired by Harry Truman (Ed Flanders).
Eunice Parchman (Rita Tushingham) has always had a secret. She is dyslexic. When she was in school, the kids made fun of her for saying, “god” instead of “dog.” When she grew up, her cruel father threatened to send her to a special school so that she could learn how to read. Eunice suffocated him with a pillow and then moved to America, where she was hired as a housekeeper. Eunice is a good housekeeper except she can not read any of the directions that her obnoxious employers leave for her. When she befriends a religious fanatic (Jackie Burroughs) and accidentally overwaters her employer’s prized orchids in the same week, it can only lead to one thing, a shotgun rampage.
Strange movie, Ted & Venus.
Based on the campy 70s cop show that will live on forever in syndication, CHiPs is about two unlikely partners who, after a rough beginning, work together to catch a cop’s killer and capture a gang of armed robbers.
Through the Shattered Lens 