Tag Archives: TV

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back Kotter 2.7 “Sweathog, Nebraska Style” and 2.8 “Sadie Hawkins Day”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Julie’s sister shows up and Juan Epstein falls in love.

Episode 2.7 “Sweathog, Nebraska Style”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 11th, 1976)

Gabe tells Julie about his Uncle Oscar, who was harassed one day by three bikers and who responded by “driving over three motorcycles in the parking lot.”

Unfortunately, Julie is not really interested in jokes this week.  Her teenage sister, Jenny (Susan Pratt), suddenly shows up in Brooklyn and explains that she has left Nebraska because she had a fight with her longtime boyfriend, Roger Abernathy.  Julie insists that Jenny attend classes at Buchanan High but is horrified when Jenny promptly starts to date Juan Epstein!  Julie even goes up to the school to complain to the principal, Mr. Lazarus, about her sister dating a Sweathog.  (Never mind, of course, that Julie herself married a former Sweathog.)  This episode also establishes that the never-seen Mr. Lazarus is apparently best friends with Juan Epstein.

Jenny finally agrees to return to Nebraska but just because Epstein is planning on going back with her.  Not even Barbarino and Freddie dressing up as farmers and Horshack putting on a cow outfit can convince Epstein to stay in New York.  But then Roger Abernathy calls from Nebraska, apologizes for arguing with Jenny, and Jenny dumps Epstein and heads back home alone.

After Jenny leaves, Gabe tells Julie about his uncle SitDownThere Kotter, who got that name because of the time he stood up in a movie theater and everyone yelled, “Hey, sit down there!”

“That is the worst joke I’ve ever heard in my entire life,” Julie replies.  Gabe looks sincerely hurt.

Actually, Julie doesn’t come across particularly well in this episode, flat out announcing that Juan Epstein is not good enough for her sister and basically acting like the biggest snob in Brooklyn.  It’s hard not to feel bad for Epstein, who seems to have genuine feelings for Jenny but who gets rather abruptly dumped at the last minute.  For all the talk about how moving to Nebraska would be a strange thing for Epstein to do, it probably would have also been a good thing for him.  He would be free of his reputation for “being most likely to take a life” and he could start his own life all over again.  In the end, though, Jenny abandons him and returns to Roger.  According to the IMDb, this is Jenny’s only appearance on Welcome Back Kotter, so I’m going to assume that things went well for her back in Omaha.

Let’s move on.

Episode 2.8 “Sadie Hawkins Day”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 18th, 1976)

Gabe tells Julie about his cousin Shermie, who didn’t start talking until he was 9 years old.  Shermie’s first words were “cereal bowl.”

It’s time for the Sadie Hawkins Day Dance at Buchanan High!  Barbarino is scandalized by the idea of girls asking out boys.  “You know when girls should be able to ask us out?” Barbarino tells Horshack, “When they can get us in …. trouble.”  Barbarino does, however, give Horshack some advice on how to get a date.  His hair should always look like it’s been dried by the wind.  Horshack should always use the “Barbarino stance,” which is defined as looking like you don’t care one way or the other. Barbarino sings his Ba-Ba-Barbarino song while showing Horshack how to relax.  The audience loves it.

Barbarino is not the only person who has an issue with Sadie Hawkins Day.  Mr. Woodman hides out in Gabe’s class and pretends to be a student in order to prevent Ms. Fishbeck from asking him out.  Gabe tells Woodman that no one is going to mistake him for a Sweathog.

“Hi there,” Woodman replies, doing his best Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington impersonation.

Eventually, Ms. Fishbeck does manage to track down Mr. Woodman, hiding in the teacher’s lounge and jumping out of a cupboard.  Barbarino, however, is less lucky than either Woodman or Fishbeck.  With the day of the dance rapidly approaching, Barbarino doesn’t have a date!  Barbarino is so self-absorbed that he doesn’t even realize when someone is trying to work up the courage to ask him out.  Later, when one girl does find the courage to ask Barbarino to the dance, Barbarino turns her down because he doesn’t want anyone to learn that he didn’t get a date until the day before the dance.  Gabe points out that Barbarino’s actions don’t make any sense.  “It’s not easy being a living legend,” Barbarino explains.

Despite not having a date, Barbarino does show up at Buchanan High on the night of the dance.  However, instead of joining everyone in the courtyard, he decides to sit in Gabe’s classroom.  Gabe finds him in the room and starts to tell Barbarino a story about his time as a student at Buchanan High.  “No more stories!” Barbarino begs before heading down to the courtyard.  Barbarino confesses to the other Sweathogs that he doesn’t have a date.  However, Judy Borden (Helaine Lembeck), making her first appearance since the end of the first season, reveals that she doesn’t have a date either.  Quickly adopting the Barbarino Stance, Barbarino becomes Judy’s date.  Everyone dances and, even though we’re supposed to laugh at Barbarino ending up with the loud and obnoxious Judy, they actually make a really cute couple.

As the dance wraps up, Gabe tells Julie about his Uncle Atlas, who used to play handball with a guy named Morty.

This episode worked largely due to the performance of John Travolta, who does a good job of portraying both Barbarino’s well-meaning stupidity and his (often hidden) sensitivity.  On the one hand,  Barbarino had no one to blame but himself.  On the other hand, the scene where gazed out the classroom window at all of his friends having fun was actually a little heart-breaking.  Personally, I hope things work out for Barbarino and Judy.  They’re a great couple!

Next week: Horshack wants to become a boxer!

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 1.11 “Junkyard Blues” and 1.12 “Killing Time”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Amy loses her car and her mind!

Episode 1.11 “Junkyard Blues”

(Dir by Dan McCutcheon, originally aired on March 21st, 1988)

“In this episode,” Mr. T tells us, “Amy’s car goes missing and so does Amy.  And I finally get my day in court!”

Amy is not having a good day.  She’s running later for court so she parks her car in a no-parking zone.  When she gets to court, she discovers that she forgot to bring an important file. Fortunately, the judge delays the start of the trial until Amy is prepared to proceed.  (Canadian judges are super nice!)  T.S. Turner tells Amy not to worry.

“Even good guys have a bad day!” he tells her.

Amy’s day is just about to get worse because, upon leaving the courthouse, she discovers that her car has been towed!  She goes from lot to lot, trying to find who towed her car but everyone tells her the same thing.  None of them towed a ’78, black VW convertible.  Amy tracks down the only witness to the car being taken, a 14 year-old named Sydney (Tara Strong).  Sydney is an aspiring journalist and she declares that Amy’s car getting stolen “could be the story that I’ve been waiting for!”

Amy finally returns to the office and, after snapping at administrative assistant Sophie, Amy says, “Pokey’s been stolen!”

“Why would any want to steal Pokey?” Sophie asks.

“It’s a classic!  They just don’t make cars like that anymore!” Amy shouts.

“Easy, Amy,” T.S. says, “If it’s stolen, I’ll find it for you.”

Amy, however, is determined to find the car herself.  T.S. objects and points out that he’s the private investigator and that Amy is the attorney who is due in court on several important matters.  In a move that would get an American lawyer disbarred, Amy tells T.S. to handle all of her court stuff while she looks for her car.  She then thinks that she sees Pokey being driven past the office so she runs outside and chases after it, yelling, “That’s my car!”

Somehow, 14 year-old Sydney figures out that Amy’s car has been taken to a chop shop.  While Amy takes an adolescent that she barely knows into a potentially deadly situation, T.S. Turner goes to court and plays the role of lawyer.  Fortunately, he’s able to get yet another continuance, which is a bit anticlimactic when you consider the potential of Mr. T playing someone pretending to be an attorney.

While T.S. potentially ruins her client’s life, Amy and the teenage girl who she has known for less than a day break into a criminal-controlled junkyard so that they can search for her car.  As I watched Amy and Sydney sneak around the auto yard, I found myself wondering if Sydney had parents and if they knew that she was putting her life at risk to help an attorney find a VW convertible named Pokey.

Fortunately, T.S. gets out of court in time to head down to the junkyard, toss around the car thieves, and help Amy rescue her car from being smashed.  Unfortunately, even after knocking out the thieves (“Goodnight, brother,” T.S. says.), T.S. is still not able to prevent Amy from accidentally destroying her car while trying to figure out how to lower it from the junkyard crane.

“It’s okay, Amy,” T.S. says, “So what if you’re not a good detective?”

“It was just a car,” Sydney says.

“THERE’S NO OTHER CAR LIKE THAT IN THE WORLD!” Amy yells at the teenager who risked her life to help a total stranger.

Presumably because he doesn’t want to have to spend the rest of his life listening to Amy complain about her car, T.S. buys Amy a new black VW convertible.

In the past, I’ve wondered why this show usually only focuses on one of the T’s.  Now I understand that it’s because Amy Taler, the other T, is an incredibly annoying character who will risk other people’s lives and not even say thank you afterwards.  This episode featured too many scenes of Amy yelling about her car and not enough scenes of T.S. gruffly telling people to stay out of his way.  I mean, I love my car too but I’m not going to force a stranger to break into a chop shop with me to search for it.  I’d probably ask my sisters to do it.

Anyway, let’s move on.

Episode 1.12 “Killing Time”

(Dir by Dan McCutcheon, originally aired on March 21st, 1998)

“On this week’s episode,” Mr. T tells us, “Amy and I get put on full alert when an escaped killer come back in town, seeking revenge.”

Years ago, Joe Nichols (played by Geza Kovacs, a favorite of David Cronenberg’s) was convicted of murdering his ex-wife’s new husband.  The key testimony in the case against him was given by his five year-old daughter, Wendy (Mairon Bennett).  And who was the prosecutor who sent Joe to prison?  Amy Taler!

Yes, apparently Amy was prosecutor before she went into private practice.  It’s kind of interesting how the show is continually revealing contradictory details about Amy’s past, almost as if the show’s writers were making up the character as they went along.  Amy tells T.S. that the Nichols case was the last she prosecuted before switching sides.  Joe Nichols was a viscous killer and he needed to be taken off the streets so I’m not sure why the Nichols case would be the one that would lead to Amy resigning from the prosecutor’s office.

Anyway, Joe escapes from prison and returns to whatever Canadian city T and T is supposed to take place in.  The cops think that Joe is coming for his daughter but T.S. thinks that Joe is actually after Amy and decides to stake out Amy’s apartment so that he can beat up Joe when he shows up.  And that’s what happens.

Seriously, that was pretty much the entire episode.  That 30-minute run time pretty much guaranteed that T and T would always keep everything direct and to the point.  Geza Kovacs is as menacing in this episode as he was as Greg Stillson’s bodyguard in Cronenberg’s adaptation of The Dead Zone.  But it’s hard not to regret that this episode lacked the usual T.S. Turner quips.  Other than yelling at a cop for calling him and “interrupting my cookie break,” T.S. didn’t have many memorable lines in this episode which, to me, defeats the whole purpose of casting Mr. T as a private investigator.

Well, that’s two disappointing episodes of T. and T!  Hopefully, next week will be a return to form for both the show and T.S. Turner.

Here’s The Trailer For John Carpenter’s Suburban Screams!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

John Carpenter’s Suburban Screams is an upcoming horror anthology, in which “true” tales of horror are dramatized.  I’m not really sure how involved John Carpenter really is with the production but his name in the title is enough to ensure that I’ll be watching the premiere on October 13th.

Here’s the trailer!

Retro Television Reviews: South Central 1.5 “Men” and 1.6 “Dad”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing South Central, which aired, for 10 episodes, on Fox in 1994.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, James Mosely returns to South Central!

Episode 1.5 “Men”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on May 10th, 1994)

Because Tasha has a babysitting job and Andre is sneaking out of the house so that he can check in on Nicole, Joan finally has a night to herself.  She goes next door, where Sweets (Paula Kelly) is throwing a party.  Sweets thinks that Joan should hook up with Dr. Ray McHenry (Ken Page), who is Andre’s mentor and who also brings in a $100,000 a year and who is also obviously in love with Joan.

Joan, however, is more interested in Isaiah (Michael Beach), who is a local food distributor who comes to the Co-Op on a daily basis and demands to be paid for the food that he’s dropped off.  Isaiah and Joan start talking and Joan is impressed to learn that Isaiah is also an independent building contractor and that he manages two apartment buildings.  When Joan mentions that there are still cracks in her bedroom from the last earthquake, Isaiah offers to come over to her house and take a look at them.  Joan takes him up on his offer.

Just when Joan and Isaiah are starting to get romantic, Tasha comes home from babysitting and see Joan and Isaiah kissing.  Tasha, who still believes that her father is going to come back into her life at any minute, gets upset and runs out of the house.  (As the child of divorced parents, this scene hit pretty close to home for me.)  Tasha does eventually return, as does Andre.  They both demands to know how Joan could bring some other man into the house.  Andre shouts that Joan should stop leading on Ray.  (Ray, of course, is standing in the room when he does so.)  Joan tells both of her children that her personal life is her business and that she doesn’t owe them any explanations.

Of course, the next day, Joan tells Isaiah that she doesn’t feel like she can get into a relationship with him or anyone else.  Her life is too complicated.  Isaiah promises to wait until it’s less complicated.

This episode was a good example of what made South Central far more interesting than other sitcoms.  Joan loves her children and she has sacrificed a lot to take care of them.  But, as this episode shows, she’s not always happy about that fact.  Having gotten married young and also having had to drop out of college after her divorce, Joan feels that she’s missed out on a lot of experiences.  At the same time, I can understand why both Tasha and Andre felt upset.  Andre doesn’t want anyone taking his role as “man of the house,” (though it’s not a role for which Andre is well-suited) and Tasha doesn’t want anyone replacing her father.  And then you have poor old Ray, who is the nicest character on the show and who, if we’re going to be honest, allows himself to be taken advantage of by both Joan and Andre.  None of the characters are all good or all bad.  Instead, they’re all very human.

That said, this episode suffers a bit because Michael Beach, who is normally a very good actor, gives an oddly stiff performance as Isaiah.  He’s handsome enough that it’s believable that Joan would want to invite him back to her room but the character doesn’t really have enough of a personality for one to feel that Joan is missing out by not having a long-term relationship with him.

Episode 1.6 “Dad”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on May 17th, 1994)

Tasha is celebrating her 14th birthday but she’s not happy.  She’s not happy about the decorations that Joan has hung in the backyard for her party.  (“It looks like Deion did them,” she snaps about the decorations that Joan was up until four in the morning preparing.)  She’s not happy when she discovers that the meat for the hamburgers was purchased at the Ujamaa co-op.  (I agree.  Co-op food is the worst.)  She’s especially not happy because she has yet to receive a present in the mail from her father, James.  Andre says that she’ll be grown and working at the post office herself before she ever receives anything from their father.  Joan is upset over Tasha’s resentful attitude but she keeps repeating, “It’s her day.”

As opposed to his sister, Andre is happy because Nicole comes to the party with her friend, Candi (Madlina Williams).  Though Andre’s friend, Rashad, originally dismisses Nicole as being “bougie,” he changes his mind as soon as he sees Candi.  As for Nicole, she seems to be excited about finally seeing Andre’s house but it’s hard not to feel that Rashad has a point.  In many ways, Nicole comes across like the type of rich activists who are convinced that they know what it’s like to struggle because they spent a week “living the wage.”

Halfway into the party, Tasha and Andre’s father, James (Glenn Plummer), shows up in the backyard.  While Tasha is overjoyed to see her father, neither Joan nor Andre are happy to see him.  James turns out to be very charismatic and soon, for everyone but Andre, he’s the life of the party.  He even manages to get Joan to dance with him.  When two gang members show up, uninvited, and nearly get into a fight with Andre, James is the one who is able to talk them into leaving the party.  Everyone treating James like a hero is too much for Andre and the two of them argue.  James accuses Joan of not properly raising Andre and says that Joan only cares about money and material things.  James reveals that it was Joan who kicked him out of the house and demanded a divorce.  James also suggests that Joan’s bad parenting is what led to Marcus’s death.  Joan slaps James and orders him to leave but then she can only watch in horror as Tasha leaves with him.

Six hours later, Tasha returns home.  When Joan asks Tasha what she and her father did for six hours, Tasha just says that they talked and had dinner and that they returned one of Joan’s presents so that James could use the money to buy a new jacket for Tasha.  Joan says that Tasha can love her father but it would be nice if she could occasionally show some appreciation for everything that Joan does for her on a daily basis.  The episode ends with the sound of Tasha sobbing.

Happy birthday!

Once again, I found myself very much relating to Tasha in this episode.  On the one hand, it’s easy to see that, underneath James’s charm, he’s basically an immature man who can barely take care of himself.  Tasha has idealized him, largely because she doesn’t have to deal with him on a day-to-day basis.  He’s just someone who sends her gifts and tells her that her mother is the reason why they can’t be a family.  At the same time, Joan may want to be thanked but how often has she thanked Tasha for taking care of Deion?  Joan has sacrificed a lot for her kids but Tasha is often expected to sacrifice a lot as well.  Andre gets away with everything because no one expects him to be responsible.  Tasha, meanwhile, is expected to always be the responsible one.  In the end, both James and Joan are guilty of making Tasha’s birthday about themselves instead of allowing it to be about Tasha.

That’s a pretty heavy theme for a sitcom but that’s what set South Central apart from other shows of the era.  It’s also probably the main reason why South Central only lasted 10 episodes.  As well-acted and well-written as this episode is, it’s still a birthday episode that ends with a 14 year-old girl sobbing in her living room.  There’s not a laugh track in the world that’s going to lessen that pain.

Next week: Andre gets a gun!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.6 “Gopher’s Greatest Hits/The Vacation/One Rose A Day”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Gopher sings!

Episode 3.6 “Gopher’s Greatest Hits/The Vacation/One Rose A Day”

(Dir by Alan Rafkin, originally aired on October 13th, 1979)

What a pleasant cruise this turned out to be!

Two sisters, Joan (Joanna Cassidy) and Olivia (Jaye P. Morgan), are apparently regulars on the boat.  They sail so often that Captain Stubing literally jumps for joy when he sees that they are once again on the ship.  Joan and Olivia always take the cruise together and usually, they have a wild time.  But this year, Olivia is shocked when Joan shows up with her husband, Byron (Conrad Janis)!  Byron is a bit uptight and not at all happy when he starts to hear stories about how wild his wife and sister-in-law have gotten in the past.  He assumes that Joan has cheated on him.  She hasn’t but Olivia has cheated on her husband.  In the end, Olivia continues to have fun and Joan decides that it’s time to settle down.  This story suffered a bit because Byron came across as being insufferably self-righteous but Joanna Cassidy and Jaye P. Morgan were believable as sisters.  As someone who has enjoyed a wild vacation or two with her sisters, I could relate.

Meanwhile, Janet Latham (Martha Scott) is taking her first vacation since the death of her husband.  Her florist, Henry (Don Ameche), is also on the cruise.  Every day, during their marriage, Janet’s husband would have Henry deliver a single white rose to Janet.  After her husband died, Henry continued to deliver the roses to Janet.  He allowed Janet to believe that her husband had arranged for her to continue to receive the daily roses but it turns out that Henry has been delivering them on his own because he’s fallen in love with her.  Janet does fall in love with Henry on the ship, though she fears that she’s betraying her husband’s memory.  Fortunately, by the end of the cruise, she’s ready to take another shot on love.  This story worked wonderfully, largely due to the sincere and heartfelt performances of Martha Scott and Don Ameche.  There was a tremendous amount of sincerity to their love story and it was impossible not to smile at the sight of them leaving the cruise together.

Finally, Julie has a problem!  The singer that she scheduled to perform in the Acapulco Lounge gets the mumps and has to cancel at the last minute.  Julie has to find a replacement.  Fortunately, it turns out that Gopher has a great singing voice.  He performs at the Lounge, wearing a pink tuxedo and acting like a drunk brat packer.  The audiences loves him.  The captain, once skeptical, applauds.  Gopher thinks that they love his singing but actually, they all think that he’s parodying a bad lounge act.  When the captain congratulates Gopher for being a brilliant comedian, the crestfallen Gopher says that he’s only going to sing in the shower from now on.  So, Julie arranges for a fake shower to be placed in the middle of the Acapulco Lounge so that Gopher can sing Danny Boy while Isaac holds a watering can over his head.  Again, the captain loves it.  This was undoubtedly a goofy storyline but goofiness was Fred Grandy’s strong suit and it’s hard not to smile at his over-the-top interpretation of Mack the Knife.

This was a good episode that really showed how much fun The Love Boat could be at its best.  From the sentimental Don Ameche/Martha Scott storyline to Fred Grandy dancing around the pool, this was an entertaining cruise.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.14 “Lookalikes/The Winemaker”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

This week, Tattoo goes rogue!

Episode 3.14 “Lookalikes/The Winemaker”

(Dir by Lawrence Dobkin, originally aired on December 22nd, 1979)

“Ah.  So you thought you would handle her teeny, weeny fantasy your teeny weeny yourself,” Roarke says to Tattoo as they watch a nun depart from the plane and step onto Fantasy Island.

On the one hand, after the past few episodes, I guess we should be glad that Roarke is actually talking to Tattoo again.  But, as the comment shows, it’s pretty obvious that Roarke still despises his assistant and Tattoo doesn’t have much respect for Roarke’s authority.

As for the fantasy, it involves Sister Veronica (Celeste Holm), a wine-making nun who wants to enter her wine in the Fantasy Island Wine Tasting Contest and hopefully win enough money to save her orphanage.  At first, Roarke is a bit annoyed that Tattoo promised Sister Veronica a fantasy that Roarke is not sure that he can make come true.  (Of course, after three seasons, we know that Roarke can do just about anything so, to be honest, Roarke’s objection mostly seems to be about having to do anything to help out Tattoo.)  When Roarke tastes Veronica’s wine, he is pleasantly surprised.  It’s quite good, he says.  However, when he and Tattoo taste the wine a second time, they discover that it’s actually quite bad!

At first, Tattoo tries to substitute a different wine for Sister Veronica’s but Roarke catches him and tells him that the integrity of Fantasy Island cannot be compromised.  However, greedy winemaker Armand Fernandel (Ross Martin) decides do to the same thing, switching the label of a bottle of his wine with the label of a bottle of Sister Veronica’s.  As a result, Veronica wins the competition but has the win taken away when the judge (Jonathan Harris) discovers that the labels were switched.  (Armand doesn’t get the win either, having been disqualifies for cheating.)  So, it looks like Veronica’s fantasy is a bust….

….except, amazingly, oil has been discovered on the grounds of the orphanage.  Yay!  Everything works out and Tattoo is able to keep his promise to Sister Veronica.

As for the other fantasy, it features Ken Berry as Harry Simpson, an Idaho salesman who is convinced he has an exact double and who wants to live the double’s life for a weekend.  It’s an oddly specific fantasy but somehow, Roarke pulls it off.  (But if Roarke could find Harry’s double and allow Harry to live the double’s life, why couldn’t he fix a wine tasting competition?)  It turns out that Harry’s double is a high-living gambler.  Harry is excited to live his life until he discovers that his double is in trouble with a gangster (Michael V. Gazzo) and that he owes all of his gambling success to a 12 year-old card reader named Jimmy (Johnny Timko).  In order to adopt Jimmy and give him a normal childhood, Harry has to win a game of blackjack on his own.  Once again, it’s time to head down to the Fantasy Island casino!  Mr. Roarke, of course, will not allow Jimmy to help Harry because the casino has a strict 18 and over age requirement.  It’s strange how sometimes, Mr. Roarke is in charge of the casino and how other times, Roarke claims to have absolutely no power over the casino.  Personally, I suspect the casino is a money laundering scheme.

This was an enjoyably silly episode, featuring guest stars who appeared to be having a good time.  Celeste Holm is convincingly saintly as Sister Veronica while Ross Martin is enjoyably cartoonish as the greedy Armand.  Ken Berry is so totally cast against type as a gambler that it actually kind of works.  This episode managed to strike a balance between over-the-top silliness and melodrama and, as such, it was an entertaining weekend on the Island.

Here’s The Trailer For Mike Flanagan’s The Fall Of The House of Usher

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

With October approaching, it’s time for yet another Mike Flanagan-directed horror miniseries to premiere on Netflix.  This year, he’s bringing us what appears to be an updated version of The Fall of the House of Usher.  Here’s the trailer.  The series itself is scheduled to be released on October 12th!

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.1 “Brother’s Keeper: Part One”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Legend has it that Miami Vice was originally pitched as being “MTV Cops.”  That may or may not be true but what is known is that it was a show that, for many people, continues to epitomize the 80s.  Its cynical and frequently surrealistic portrait of life in Miami continues to be influential to this day.  With Florida currently being at the center of so many discussions, it just seemed like a natural pick for Retro Television Reviews.

(Up until a few days ago, the mayor of Miami was running for President and two other Florida residents are currently the front runners for one party’s presidential nomination.  As I sit here writing this, national politics are often described as Florida vs California.  Even more than in the past, America revolves around Florida.)

Though Miami Vice is often describe as being a Michael Mann production, the show itself was actually created by Anthony Yerkovich, who felt that Miami in the 80s had become the American equivalent of Casablanca during World War II.  Mann served as executive producer and he played a big role in creating the show’s trademark visual style.  And, of course, the theme song was provided by Jan Hammer:

Episode 1.1 “Brother’s Keeper, Part One”

(Dir by Thomas Carter, originally aired on September 16th, 1984)

Though the show is considered, to this day, to be the epitome of the Southern Florida aesthetic, Miami Vice actually begins in New York City.

On a dark and wet New York Street, a detective named Tubbs (Philip Michael Thomas) sits in his car.  When a group of young men approach the car and demand that Tubbs give them some money, Tubb responds by coolly pointing a shotgun at them.  The men take the message and leave.

Tubbs is staking out a Colombian drug dealer named Calderone (Miguel Pinero).  Tubbs follows Calderone and his associates to a club, the type of place where even the neon lighting seem to be shadowy.  When Tubbs gets into a fight with some of Calderone’s bodyguards, Calderone flees into the dark night.

The action moves to Miami, which is as bright and sunny as New York was cold and dark.  Undercover vice cop Sonny Crockett (Don Johnson), wearing a white suit and a green t-shirt, gives advice to his partner, Eddie Rivera (a young and charismatic Jimmy Smits, making his television debut).  Eddie talks about how his wife is nervous about him being a cop.  Sonny tells Eddie to call her after they get finished dealing with a local drug dealer named Corky.

Corky knows Crockett as “Sonny Burnett” and he believes Eddie is a buyer from California.  When Corky arrives, they drive out to an underpass.  Corky and Eddie walk over to another car to check out Corky’s product.  Sonny spots the bomb that’s been taped under car’s hood but he’s too late to keep it from blowing up both Corky and Eddie.

When Lt. Rodriguez (Gregory Sierra) arrives on the scene, he’s not amused to discover two of his detectives — Stan Switek (Michael Talbott) and Larry Zito (John Diehl) — joking about how the police dogs are going to get hooked on all of the cocaine residue.  However, he’s even more annoyed with Sonny, who is quickly established as being the type of cop who does not “do it by the book!”  Rodriguez also says that Sonny hasn’t changed since his “football days.”  Sonny says that Eddie was killed by a mysterious dealer known as The Colombian.  Rodriguez replies that Sonny can’t even prove that the Colombian exists.  Rodriguez is particularly angered when Sonny says that there must be a mole working in the department.

While Sonny tells Eddie’s wife the bad news and then heads over to his son’s birthday party (it’s established that Sonny is divorced), Tubbs lands in Miami.  Hanging out at a strip club and doing an elaborate dance to Rockwell’s Somebody’s Watching Me, Tubbs is approached by a man named Scott Wheeler (Bill Smitrovich).  Pretending to be a Jamaican named Teddy Prentiss, Tubbs arranges to meet a drug dealer that Wheeler claims to know.

What Tubbs doesn’t know is that Wheeler is an undercover DEA agent and that he’s also Sonny Crockett’s former partner.  Sonny is the “dealer.”  That night, Sonny and a real-life drug dealer, Leon (Mykelti Williamson) show up at the meeting with Wheeler and “Teddy.”  Unfortunately, Zito and Switek show up earlier than expected and they end up arresting everyone before Leon can lead Sonny to the Colombian.  Tubbs makes a run for it, jumps into the boat that Sonny drove to the meeting, and speeds away.  Sonny jumps into his own car and chases the boat while the Miami Vice theme song plays in the background.  (Trust me, it’s a supercool scene.)

Finally confronting Tubbs on a bridge, Sonny reveals that he’s a detective.  Tubbs produces his own badge and introduces himself as Raphael Tubbs of the NYPD.  He explains that he’s in Miami because he’s after a Colombian drug dealer named Calderone.  Sonny explains that he’s too busy searching for the Colombian to worry about Tubbs’s search.  Finally, Lt. Rodriguez shows up and helps them to understand that they’re both looking for the same guy.  Rodriguez suggests that they work together but Sonny refuses.

The next morning, Tubbs tracks Sonny down on the houseboat on which he lives.  It’s a tense meeting, with Sonny punching Tubbs for suggesting that he wasn’t a good enough cop to save Eddie’s life.  Sonny apologizes afterwards and Tubbs accepts the apology and then punches Sonny so that they’ll be even.  Sonny then introduces Tubbs to his pet alligator, Elvis.  It’s male-bonding, 80s style!

Sonny and Scott head over to the courthouse so that they can be “arraigned,” along with Leon.  I really liked the performance of Howard Bergman, who played the eccentric judge, Clarence Rupp.  At one point, the lights went out in the courtroom and when they came back, everyone from the judge to the bailiffs to the court reporter had drawn a gun.  After mentioning his appreciation of the second amendment, Judge Rupp announces that Leon is free to go without bail because he’s cooperating with the police.  A panicked Leon yells that he’s not cooperating.

Later, a fearful Leon calls Rodriguez and offers to cooperate in return for protective custody.  Leon is hiding out at the beach, where Tubbs is keeping an eye on him.  When Sonny arrives, he’s not amused to see Tubbs there.  Meanwhile, a hitman who has disguised himself as a woman shoots and kills Leon while Girls Just Want To Have Fun plays on the soundtrack.

And so ends part one of Brother’s Keeper.  And you know what?  Even after all this time, it’s still easy to see why Miami Vice took off and why it continue to inspire a slew of imitators.  The pilot was genuinely exciting, with the perfect mix of music, visuals, and charismatic performances.  Jimmy Smits broke my heart in his tiny role.  Mykelti Williamson made Leon into an almost sympathetic character as he realized that the cops were willing to sacrifice him to get at his boss.  From the start, Don Johnson’s gruff performance as Sonny feels like a perfect match for Philip Michael Thomas’s more earnest portrayal of Tubbs.  If Sonny is a cynic, Tubbs seems to feel that he can make a difference by taking down men like Calderone. We’ll have to see how long that lasts.

Next week, we’ll finish up the pilot with part two of Brother’s Keeper!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 9/3/23 — 9/9/23

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi, everyone!  Jeff and I have been up at Lake Texoma since Monday and I really haven’t watched much television.  I’ve been taking advantage of this vacation to get some much needed rest so my watching has pretty much been limited to the shows that I write about, like Big Brother and the shows that I watch for this site’s retro television reviews.

Big Brother 25 (24/7, CBS and Paramount Plus)

I wrote about Big Brother here!  This season has been pretty dire but things are looking up this week, with Cameron winning Head of Household in an upset and targeting the production favorites.  For the past few seasons, both Survivor and Big Brother has suffered from the heavy hand of production protecting their favorites and helping certain players steamroll their way to the end.  It’s led to both shows getting pretty dull.  Cameron winning HoH not only shocked the House but it also probably shocked production and, interestingly enough, Cameron didn’t mention a word about who he was nominating until he actually did it.  Cameron seems to understand that he’s not only playing against the other houseguests but production as well.  It’s been a while since I’ve seen the online Big Brother fandom as excited as they are for this week.

Fantasy Island (YouTube)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here.  Unfortunately, this week’s trip to the Island was not a particularly memorable one.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here.  This episode featured Captain Stubing being harassed by the IRS, making him a character to which every American can relate.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

On Friday night and Saturday morning, I watched two episodes of this old 80s television show.  The first episode was about “Goth Rock,” and I enjoyed it quite a bit.  The second episode was about heavy metal and featured a profile of the band Def Leppard.

South Central (YouTube)

This week, Andre rode the bus and nearly died as a result.  I wrote about South Central here.

T. and T. (Tubi)

T.S. Turner and Amy Taler continued to fight the good fight and they even saved Decker from going to prison.  T.S. got to drive a zamboni!  I wrote about T. and T. here.

Welcome Back Kotter (Tubi)

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back!  This week, the Sweathogs were trapped in a museum and Gabe was trapped by his own fears.  I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

Yes, Prime Minister (Monday Morning, PBS)

Having thoroughly loved watching Yes, Minister on PBS, I am very happy that they are now showing the sequel, Yes, Prime Minister.  I watched the first episode on Monday morning.  Three days into his premiership, Jim Hacker (Paul Eddington) tried to cement his legacy by reforming the UK’s nuclear defense system and re-introducing conscription.  Fortunately, Sir Humphrey (Nigel Hawthorne) was able to distract the Prime Minister by arranging for him to get a cook for his new residence.  Listening to Eddington, Hawthrone, and Derek Fowlds exchange snappy dialogue is a wonderful experience.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 2.5 “The Museum” and 2.6 “Gabe Under Pressure”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the Sweathogs meet John Astin and Gabe goes to the doctor!

Episode 2.5 “The Museum”

(Dir by Bill Davis, originally aired on October 28th, 1976)

Mr. Woodman steps out of his office, just to find Gabe waiting for him.

“Mr. Woodman,” Gabe says, “did I ever tell you about the black sheep of my family?”

“I thought that was you,” Woodman replies.

Wow!  Woodman has clearly already won this exchange but Gabe still proceeds to tell Mr. Woodman about his Uncle Lefty Kotter, who was a gambler.  Mr. Woodman dramatically sighs and walks out of the office.  See, Gabe, not everyone’s as patient as Julie.

After the opening credits, we find Gabe and Julie preparing the Sweathogs for a field trip to the Museum of Natural History.  Barbarino is super excited because he’s never been to a real museum before.  He explains that he did go to a wax museum once.  “I saw Raquel Welch,” Barbarino explains, “Did you know that wax come right off in your hands?”

When Mr. Woodman comes out of his office to complain about the Sweathogs being taken off campus, Epstein explains that they’ve decide to take Woodman to the museum with them.  Freddie announces that Woodman is going to be his field trip buddy.  Personally, I think it would be fun to go on a field trip with Mr. Woodman because Mr. Woodman is clearly insane.

When the Sweathogs reach the museum, it actually looks a lot like one of those “horror dungeon museums” that always seem to pop up around Halloween.

Arnold is frightened of the museum and tosses a bunch of salt over his shoulder and into Epstein’s eyes.  (Yes, Arnold is carrying a salt shaker with him.)  Gabe asks the museum curator, Mr. Gore (John Astin), to assure Arnold that there is no reason to be scared.  Mr. Gore explains that his name is pronounced “Gor-ay,” and then says that there are powers in the world about which one should not joke.  “There are forces here,” Gore explains, “that do not appreciate one-liners!”  Uh-oh, Gabe’s in trouble!

Barbarino and Freddie are also in trouble because they’ve entered an exclusive room that is home to an Egyptian mummy!

“This room is for VIPs only!” Mr. Gore declares.

“I am a VIP,” Barbarino protests.  “I’m a Very Italian Person.”

Mr. Gore agrees to show the Sweathogs the Egyptian room on the condition that they touch nothing.  “Or else you’ll risk the wrath of the pharohs!”  Julie proceeds to say that the mummy doesn’t look a day over 2500 years old.  Gabe jokes about the Mummy being named Pew.  Mr. Gore, having grown annoyed, dares Gabe to open a cursed sarcophogus and risk the Mummy coming back to life.  Gabe opens it, just to have Horshack step out of it.

“Hello,” Horshack says, “how are ya?”

Gore faints.  Woodman announces that it’s time for the Sweathogs to return to the school.  One problem, the door to the Egyptian room has slammed shut and cannot be opened.  “Its the Curse of Pew!” a delirious Gore says.

Gabe explains that they’ll probably be trapped in the room until the next morning and then proceeds to give a mock eulogy for Pew The Mummy.

“We’re doomed!” Woodman shouts, “All doomed!”

Mr. Gore finally wakes up and says that he’s sure the curator will come to their rescue.

“Mr. Gor-ay,” Gabe says, “You’re the curator”

“How unfortunate,” Gore replies.

With everyone trapped in the Egyptian Room together, Horshack worries that he’ll never get a chance to meet Marie Osmond.  When Gabe notices that there’s an air duct that someone could crawl through to get help, Horshack volunteers.  Unfortunately, it turns out that the air duct just circles around the room so Horshack returns and continues to think about becoming an Osmond.

“I may be dying,” Woodman yells, “But I’m taking you Sweathogs with me!  The mummy is going to get us if we don’t get out!”

Mr. Gore suggests that the Mummy might be satisfied with a human sacrifice.  Woodman calls for Horshack to come over.

Fortunately, Epstein says that he’s seen enough home repair shows to know how to find “the stress part” of the door and open it.  He taps on the door and …. it opens!  The audience goes wild, even if it does seem like kind of an anticlimactic way to end the episode.  But at least Epstein got to be the hero for once.

This episode was cartoonish, even by the standards of Welcome Back Kotter, but I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that this episode aired three days before Halloween.  This was a holiday episode and I imagine it was a lot of fun when viewed on a dark and stormy night in 1976.

Episode 2.6 “Gabe Under Pressure”

(Dir by Jay Sandrich, originally aired on November 4th, 1976)

Julie brings Gabe his lunch.

“Did I ever tell you about my uncle who thought he was a horse?” Gabe asks.  He proceeds to tell her about him.  Julie smiles tolerantly.

As for the main storyline, the free clinic (where Julie volunteers) is offering free physicals at Buchanan High.  Gabe expects the Sweathogs to take advantage of the offer but he himself refuses to go to the doctor to find out why he has a pain in his chest.  It turns out that Gabe is scared of doctors!  The Sweathogs are concerned enough to show up at Gabe’s apartment.  Barbarino tries to take Gabe’s pulse.  When Gabe asks if Barbarino knows what he’s doing, Barbarino replies, “I know it like the back of my hand.”  Barbarino then gets distracted by the back of his hand.

Touched by the concern of his students, Gabe conquers his fear and sees the doctor.  Gabe discovers he is okay and everyone watching learns a lesson about getting a regular check-up.  It’s a pretty simple episode, one that is probably most interesting for having aired two days after the 1976 presidential election.  Kotter went to the doctor and Carter went to the White House but Mr. Woodman stayed right where he was.

Later, with the physical having been completed, Gabe tells Mr. Woodman, “You have to hear about my Uncle Kermit Kotter!”

“No, I don’t, Kotter!” Woodman replies.

Gabe says that his Uncle Kermit always used to walk by a bakery and he would see a woman hitting her son with a loaf of bread.  One day, Uncle Kermit walked by and the woman was hitting her son with a chocolate cake.  Gabe says that his Uncle Kermit asked why the woman was hitting her son with a chocolate cake and….

“And the woman says because it’s his birthday,” Woodman replies, “I already heard it, Kotter.”

Seriously, John Sylvester White was a national treasure.