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Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 1.13 “Super Bull Sunday”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, season one comes to an end with the Championship Game!

Episode 1.13 “Super Bull Sunday”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on February 17th, 1985)

The Bulls make it to the Championship Game!

And lose!

In fact, they lose in spectacular fashion.  We don’t actually see much of the game but we do see the aftermath.  We learn that star running back Carl Witherspoon set a record for fumbles.  Star quarterback Bob Dorsey set a record for interceptions.  The offensive line set a record for letting their quarterback get sacked.  Coach Denardo blames himself but Diana announces to the press that the Bull will be back next year so …. “LOOK OUT!”

Admittedly, the big game only took up about 5 and a half minutes of screentime.  Most of this episode centered around a dumb plot to trick Diana into selling the Bulls to the Japanese so that her ex-husband (remember him?) could swoop in and buy back his team.  It was a pretty dumb plan that fell apart easily but, at the very least, it appears that it finally led to Diana firing her duplicitous general manager, Roger Barrow (Clayton Landey), something she should have done at the start of the season.

But let’s give the show some credit.  It would have been really easy to just have the Bulls pull off another last-minute victory.  Instead, season one ended with the agony of defeat and the actors actually did a really good job of playing up their depression.  It can’t be easy make it to the Championship Game and fail.

So, that’s it for season one.  It wasn’t really that good of a season but maybe I would feel differently if I was a football fan or if I was a dude.  This is very much a guy-centered show.  Next week, we’ll start season 2!

Horror On TV: Hammer House Of Horror #8: Children of the Full Moon (dir by Tom Clegg)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In Children of the Full Moon, a married couple on holiday has some car trouble.  They find a large house that is looked over by Ms. Ardoy (Diana Dors) and inhabited by a multitude of children, who may or may not be werewolves.  This episode starts out somewhat light but the tone eventually shifts and things end on a memorably dark note.  Diane Dors gives a wonderful performance as the mysterious Ms. Ardoy.  Be careful about where you take your vacation.

This episode originally aired on November 1st, 1980.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 6.21 “The Captain’s Crush/Out Of My Hair/Off-Course Romance”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Welcome aboard, it’s love!

Episode 6.21 “The Captain’s Crush/Out Of My Hair/Off-Course Romance”

(Dir by Ted Lange, originally aired on February 19th, 1983)

Kathy Costello (Stella Stevens) is looking forward to taking a cruise with her husband, Joe (Monte Markham).  However, at the last minute, Joe decides that he would rather go to a golf tournament than take a vacation with his wife.  The angry Kathy boards the boat and immediately runs into her ex-boyfriend, Ted Cole (Ron Ely).  Kathy enjoys spending time with Ted but then suddenly, Joe shows up on the cruise.  He’s not happy to discover his wife is spending time with her ex.  The main problem with this story is that there’s no one to root for.  Kathy is cheating but her husband is being a jerk.  It’s rare that I ever watch an episode of The Love Boat and say, “This should end with divorce,” but this episode inspired me.

Meanwhile, Lydia (Delta Burke) boards the boat with her wealthy fiancé (Jeffrey Tambor).  Lydia’s ex-boyfriend (Richard Gilliland) also boards the boat, hoping to break up their engagement.  This storyline felt oddly similar to the other storyline and it suffered from the same problem.  There was no one to root for.  None of these people deserved to get married.

Finally, movie star Janine Adams (Joan Collins) boarded the boat and ate dinner with the Captain.  The next day, the tabloid news wires are full of speculation that the Captain is going to become Jane’s tenth husband and the Captain starts to think that maybe he’d like to be Jane’s tenth husband.  Go for it, I say!  Seriously, Janine and the Captain are as close to a likable couple as this episode has so they might as well get married.  Of course, they don’t get married.  I guess that’s a good thing.  It’s hard to imagine The Love Boat without Captain Stubing at the helm.

This episode was directed by Ted Lange and, as usual, he gets good performances from the cast.  Unfortunately, this cruise is let down by two weakly-written stories.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.1 “Inside Straight”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Everyone’s book for another season of bicycles and law-breaking.

Episode 3.1 “Inside Straight”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on August 3rd, 19997)

One night, while on a date with Chris, TC spots a man holding a gun.  TC draws his own gun and yells at the man to drop his weapon.  The man turns around.  He fires so TC shoots and the man goes down.  It turns out that the man was an undercover narcotics detective with a spotless record.

TC is suspended and the bike patrol basically stops doing their job and instead proceed to harass the dead man’s wife and his partner until they discover that the wife and the partner were having an affair and, conveniently, the cop was actually shot by someone who happened to be standing behind TC.  It seems like simple forensic evidence (like the amount of bullets on the scene) should have proven that without the bike patrol even getting involved but I guess the cops in Malibu or wherever this show takes place are extremely incompetent.

Meanwhile, the poker game of mobster Joseph Tataglia (Joseph Campanella) gets held up,  The thief is a degenerate gambler who tries to frame TC’s older brother, Teddy (Andy Buckley — how, it’s David Wallace from The Office!).  The real thief is easily exposed and captured.  I’m not really sure what the point of this story was.  Tataglia last appeared during the first season but this episode acts as if he’s been a continual presence in the show for the past two seasons.  I imagine viewers were confused as to who he was or why he had so much pull with Palermo.

There’s a scene where TC is subjected to an intense interrogation from Internal Affairs and I have to admit that it made me laugh because TC and Palermo were wearing their dorky bicycle cop uniforms while being yelled at by someone in a suit.

Another scene features Victor and Cory telling Chris and TC that there’s a huge crowd waiting to see the movie that they want to see.  Victor says TC might have to flash his badge to get tickets.  Police arrogance is annoying in general but it’s even worse coming from people who ride bicycles.

It appears that nothing had changed with the start of a new season.

Horror On TV: Hammer House of Horror #7 “The Silent Scream” (dir by Alan Gibson)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s episode of televised horror is The Silent Scream, the seventh episode of Hammer House of Horror.  It was originally broadcast in the UK on October 25th, 1980.

A quick content warning for everyone: This episode features some scenes of animals in distress so I personally would advise viewer discretion.  That said, I simply had to share this episode because it features Peter Cushing’s final performance for Hammer Studios.  He plays a seemingly kindly old man who has a very dark secret.  A youngish Brian Cox plays the ex-con who gets a job working for Cushing.  This is a very unnerving episode with an ending that truly sticks with you.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.13 “Ladies Choice/Skin Deep”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  The show is once again on Tubi!

Smiles, everyone, smiles!

Episode 7.13 “Ladies Choice/Skin Deep”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on January 28th, 1984)

The highlight of this week’s episode is Mr. Roarke beating someone up.

The person on the other end of the beating is John McDowell (Lloyd Bochner), who owns a winery on the Island and who, for reasons that aren’t particularly clear, hates Mr. Roarke.  When McDowell discovers that Fancy Summerfield (Kim Lankford), who grew up at the winery when it was owned by her father, is in love with Mr. Roarke, McDowell decides to manipulate her to hurt Roarke.  Fancy, who is upset that Mr. Roarke doesn’t return her romantic feelings, allows herself to fall for McDowell but then realizes that McDowell is a jerk.

A party at McDowell’s mansion leads to a fist fight between Roarke and McDowell.  McDowell starts it but Roarke ends it.  He beats up McDowell with such ease that McDowell surrenders.  Fancy realizes that McDowell is not the man for her and she also realizes that Roarke does care about her, even if he’s not in love with her.  (This episode implies that Roarke does not allow himself to fall in love with mortal women.  It’s understandable when you consider what happened when he got married.)

And let’s give credit where credit is due.  Ricardo Montalban looked good beating up Lloyd Bochner.  Admittedly, it was obvious that the majority of the fight was filmed using stunt doubles but, in those rare occasions where we saw Roarke’s face as he threw a punch, Montalban looked like he knew what he doing.

(Lawrence, needless to say, did not come to Mr. Roarke’s aid during the fight.  In fact, Lawrence was barely in this episode.)

As for the other fantasy, it was pretty stupid.  Joe (Michael Lembeck) comes to the Island with his loudmouth buddy, Vinnie (Fred Travalena).  They are attending a sports expo.  Vinnie is all about hitting on the models but Joe falls for Paula Santino (Donna Pescow), who is pretty but definitely not glamorous.  The main problem with this fantasy was that both Joe and Paula were neurotic quip machines so listening to them have a conversation made me want to rupture my ear drums.  Vinnie, for his part, said some pretty bad things about Paula.  Roarke was too busy beating up John McDowell to do anything about it.

This episode was …. actually, not quite as bad as some of the other season seven episodes that I’ve recently watched.  The second fantasy got old pretty quickly but the first fantasy featured Roarke beating someone up and there’s something to be said for that.  The main problem with this episode is that none of the Island guests were particularly likable but I still appreciated that Roarke was willing to go to all of that trouble for them.

Then again, without Tattoo around, Roarke really doesn’t have any choice but to take on all the trouble himself.  What else is he going to do?  Depend on Lawrence?

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.16 “Karate”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch reveals even more hidden talents!

Episode 4.16 “Karate”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on March 8th, 1981)

Ponch and Baker have been assigned to patrol Ponch’s old neighborhood.  Ponch says that he feels as if he can see a ghost on every corner.  Baker laughs and says that at least they have an easy assignment.

Not so fast, Baker!

Andy Macedon (Lewis Van Bergen) is paying teenagers to steal dirt bikes for him.  Macedon went to school with Ponch.  Macedon was a few years ahead of him and he was always a bully.  Now, Macedon is setting up a crime ring.  He’s even got Donny Bonaduce working for him!

Ponch’s solution?  Ponch decides to encourage the neighborhood kids to come to the local youth center by having Bonnie teach gymnastics while Ponch teaches karate.  Are you surprised to discover that, on top of everything else, Ponch knows karate?  You shouldn’t be.  You’re watching….

Admittedly, it doesn’t start off well.  When Andy Macedon comes down to the Youth Center and personally challenges Ponch to a fight, Ponch backs off.  He does it because he doesn’t want to make trouble for the Youth Center but the kids view him as being a coward.  If Ponch is ever going to stop Andy Macedon and keep young Rivas (Mario Marcelino) from falling under Macedon’s evil spell, he’s going to have to beat Andy in a karate street fight with everyone watching.

And that’s exactly what Ponch does.  Why?  Because it’s the Ponch Show and there is nothing that Ponch cannot do!

This episode featured a combination of bass-heavy music and not just Erik Estrada but also Danny Bonaduce doing karate moves so you know it was a classic.  I related to Terri (Kari Michealson), the teenager who couldn’t decide if she wanted to be a gymnast or a criminal.  I went through the same thing when I was 16.  Ballet or crime?  Crime or ballet?  I compromised by shoplifting makeup after my dance classes.

There is nothing Ponch can’t do.  Never forget.

 

Horror On TV: Hammer House of Horror #6: Charlie Boy (dir by Robert Young)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The next episode of Hammer House of Horror is The House That Bled To Death but I’ve decided not to share it for this Halloween because it features the death of a kitty and I’m kind of tired of pets dying in horror films.  It’s an effective and scary episode, though.  It’s on YouTube so if you want to watch it, feel free.  

Moving right along, tonight’s episode is Charlie Boy.  Graham (Leigh Lawson) and his wife Sarah (Angela Bruce) inherit an statue that they don’t realize also doubles as a really big voodoo doll.  After stabbing the statue a bit too many times, Graham comes to realize that he’s accidentally condemned almost everyone he knows to death, including both him and his wife.  Thanks to the fast-paced director of Robert Young and the committed performances of the cast, this is an entertainingly macabre episode.  It originally aired on October 18th, 1980.

 

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 5.1 “Hostile Takeover”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, we start the fifth and final season of Miami Vice.

Episode 5.1 “Hostile Takeover”

(Dir by Don Johnson, originally aired on November 4th, 1988)

The fifth and final season of Miami Vice gets off to a good start with this episode.  After opening with some appropriately glitzy scenes of the drug-fueled Miami nightlife, the episode then shows us that Sonny Crockett is still convinced that he’s Sonny Burnett.  He has now returned to Miami and, along with Cliff King (Matt Frewer), he is one of the key advisors to drug lord Oscar Carrera (Joe Santos).

Carrera is at war with El Gato (Jon Polito), the brother of Sonny Burnett’s former employer, Miguel Manolo.  El Gato, who wears gold lamé, cries over the body of one of his henchmen, and flinches when forced to deal with direct sunlight, is a flamboyant figure.  In fact, he’s so flamboyant that it’s initially easy to overlook how determined he is to get revenge for the death of his brother.  That means taking down the Carreras family and Sonny Burnett as well.

The Vice Squad knows that Sonny is moving up in the drug underworld but Castillo is firm when asked what they should do about it.  Sonny has an active warrant out for murdering a corrupt cop.  “Sonny’s not Sonny anymore,” Tubbs says at one point and Castillo seems to agree.

Tubbs goes undercover, making contact with the Carreras cartel.  When Sonny meets Tubbs, Tubbs introduces himself as “Ricardo Cooper” and starts speaking in his terribly unconvincing Jamaican accent and that was when I said, “Miami Vice is back!”  Sonny doesn’t trust Cooper from the start.  “Maybe you’re a cop,” Sonny says.  “Not I, mon,” Tubbs replies.

People are dying and, while Sonny doesn’t have a problem with that, the show is also careful to show that Sonny only shoots in self-defense.  (It appears the most of the cold-blooded murders are farmed out to Cliff King.)  When Oscar Carreras dies, it’s because his poofy-haired son (Anthony Crivello) accidentally shot him when Oscar discovered him with his stepmother.  When the son dies, it’s because he was about to shoot Sonny after he caught Sonny with …. his stepmother, again.  The Carreras family is so dysfunctional that it shouldn’t come as a surprise that Sonny steps up to take it over.

After promising Castillo that he’ll take out Sonny if necessary, Tubbs meets up with Sonny at beach-side tower.  Tubbs looks at Sonny and suddenly says, “Sonny, it’s me, Rico.”  Sonny stare at Tubbs.  “Do you remember me?” Tubbs asks.

“Sure,” Sonny suddenly says, “You’re Tubbs.”

Three gunshots ring out as the episode ends.

OH MY GOD, DID SONNY KILLS TUBBS!?

We’ll find out next week.  For now, I’ll say that — after a disappointing fourth season — this was exactly how Miami Vice needed to start things off for Season 5.  Seriously, if you’re going to have Sonny get hit with amnesia, you might as well just go for it and take things to their logical extreme.

Next week …. is Tubbs dead?  I hope not, mon.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Generation 1.8 “Secrets & Lies”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, Ashley learns her father’s secret.

Episode 1.8 “Secrets & Lies”

(Dir by Bruce McDonald, originally aired on May 6th, 2002)

This is a landmark episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation for two reasons.

First off, it’s the first episode to establish that Liberty has a crush on J.T.  Liberty’s unrequited crush was one of the show’s early storyline and, to be honest, it was frequently one of the more annoying storylines.  Liberty was always a rather flat character and she and J.T. never really made much sense as a couple.  (Yes, they did eventually become a couple.)  Of course, watching this episode today, all I can think about is the fact that, in the far future, J.T. is going to die in Liberty’s arms after being stabbed in the back by a student from a rival high school.  Much as with Degrassi High, knowing what the future holds adds a layer of poignance to these early episodes that they otherwise wouldn’t have.

As for this episode, J.T. tries to get Liberty to leave him alone by pretending to be gay.  He gets this idea after Toby informs him that Ashley’s father, the dashing Robert Kerwin (Andrew Gillies), has come out of the closet.

The majority of this episode deals with Ashley struggling to accept that her father is gay.  Again, this is another storyline that becomes far more poignant if you already know that Robert is eventually going to marry his partner Christopher and Ashley’s boyfriend is going to have a mental breakdown at the wedding.

This episode actually did a very good job of realistically portraying Ashley’s initial reaction to learning that her father’s gay.  Ashley is confused and, as she was still hoping that her parents would eventually get back together, she feels betrayed.  It’s an honest reaction and probably not the sort of thing you would ever see on television today, where our idealized protagonists almost always have the right response from the start.  The fact that the show deals honestly with Ashley’s emotions makes her eventual acceptance of her father’s sexuality all the more poignant.

This episode deals very sensitively deals with Robert’s coming out and Andrew Gillies and Melissa McIntyre both deserve a lot of credit for their performances.  (Remember, this episode aired in 2002, at a time when gay characters were almost always portrayed as either being comedy relief or helpless victims.)  I do have to admit that there is one rather clunky line in this episode.  It comes when Ashley asks Robert if he has a boyfriend and Robert tells her about his partner, Christopher.  Ashley’s next line (and Melissa McIntyre’s overdramatic delivery of it) always makes me laugh despite myself:

Aside from that line and all of the cringey stuff involving J.T. and Liberty (and, admittedly, that is a lot to overlook), this was a sensitive and well-handled episode.