Retro Television Review: Welcome Back Kotter 4.23 “The Bread Winners”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

This week, we finally finish this show up.

Episode 4.23 “The Bread Winners”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on June 8th, 1979)

Epstein is excited about getting a job working at an antique store.  However, a chance meeting with the store’s owner leads to Freddie getting the job instead.  Epstein gets upset and, after a tense confrontation at the Horshack residence, Epstein challenges Washington to a boxing match at the local gym.  However, once at the gym, Epstein and Washington realize that they’re friends.  They care about each other.  They’re not going to let a little thing like a job come between them.  The owner of the gym is so moved that he gives Epstein a job.

And so ends Welcome Back, Kotter.  After 95 episodes, Kotter ends not with a bang but with a definite whimper.  We don’t even see the Sweathogs defy the odds by finally graduating.  It’s an underwhelming finale but apparently, it was made when there was still the possibility of a Kotter spin-off, which would have focused on Horshack and his marriage to Mary.  This episode also sets up the possibility of a show featuring Washington working at the antique store or even Epstein working at the gym.  (Henry Beckman plays the owner of the gym while Priscilla Morrill plays the owner of the antique store and both of them get a lot more dialogue and character-building moments than the guest stars typically got on Kotter.)

On the plus side, the show did manage to get nearly the entire cast to show up for the finale.  Barbarino is absent, of course.  But Gabe Kaplan makes one of his rare appearances, giving Washington some advice on how to make up with Epstein.  Julie shows up at the beginning of the show but, noticeably, Marcia Strassman doesn’t share any scenes with Kaplan.  John Sylvester White, as Woodman, gets to do his crazed laugh one last time.  Beau gets a few lines of dialogue.  We get a peek at Horshack’s homelife with Mary and even Epstein’s girlfriend, Kelly, shows up for a few scenes.

Again, this was an underwhelming finale but that makes sense when one considers that season 4 was an underwhelming season.  Looking over this show, the first two seasons were the best.  During those seasons, the show had a bit of an edge and the actors really seemed to be trying to ground their outlandish characters in at least a hint of reality.  The third season saw the show turn into a living cartoon and Kotter never really recovered.  By the fourth season, the actors cast as the Sweathogs were too old to still be playing high school students, Kaplan was refusing to appear on the show that was based on his stand-up act, and way too much time was wasted on Julie getting upset and glaring at people.

Well, we’re done with Welcome Back, Kotter.  Next week, a new show will premiere in this time slot.  It’s been a while since I started a new show so I’m looking forward to finding one that will be a slight change of pace.  What will the show be?  Check here next Saturday to find out!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.9 “Femme Fatale”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, Micki finds herself trapped in a movie!

Episode 3.9 “Femme Fatale”

(Dir by Francis Delia, originally aired on November 20th, 1989)

In an isolated mansion, former film director Desmond Williams (Gordon Pinsent) lives with retired actress Lili Lita (Kate Reid).  Lili is sick and bed-ridden now but, when she was younger, she starred in all of Desmond’s noir melodramas.  Desmond still enjoys watching their old films, particularly one in which Lili played a doomed femme fatale named Glenda.

Unfortunately, Desmond’s copy of the film is cursed.  Whenever he watches it, he has to watch with a young woman who will suddenly find herself switching places with Glenda.  Glenda is allowed to live in the real world until her unfortunate replacement is killed in the film.  Desmond is overjoyed to have Glenda come into his world.  Glenda, however, is more than little frustrated by the fact that she always has to return to the movie.

When Micki shows up to try to retrieve the cursed film, she ends up trapped in the movie.  Micki, however, is a bit more creative than Desmond’s other victims and continually tries to change the script, just to discover that the black-and-white characters around her are always going to do the same thing no matter what.

Meanwhile, Jack and Johnny show up and try to rescue Micki.  While Glena explores the real world and even drops in on a showing of one of her old movies, Lili ends up shooting Desmond and then willfully taking Micki’s place in the movie.  Micki returns to the real world.  Lili dies in the film.  Gloria burns up into nothingness.  With Desmond dead, Gloria is now forever trapped in the film.

This was a good episode.  When it started, I thought Desmond was going to turn out to be one of the quasi-sympathetic villains who was using a cursed object in an effort to help someone else.  But, as the episode progressed, it becomes obvious that Desmond didn’t really love Lili.  Instead, he loved the character that he created for her to be.  He loved the imaginary femme fatale but not the real-life woman who played her.  As well, the scenes inside the film were handled with a lot of wit and style.  I enjoyed watching Micki trying to disrupt the film’s story.  As much as I miss John D. LeMay’s Ryan, his absence really allowed Robey to come into her own during the third season.

Friday the 13th could be an uneven show but this episode was definitely a triumph.

Retro Television Review: St. Elsehwere 1.18 “Dog Day Hospital”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, Judith Light has got a gun!

Episode 1.18 “Dog Day Hospital”

(Dir by Victor Lobl, originally aired on March 22nd, 1983)

Finally, Dr. Ehrlich is performing his first solo operation.  Dr. Craig is assisting but Ehrlich is in charge.  He gets to play his music in the OR.  He gets to decide what type of retractor to use.  It’s a simple hernia operation.  The patient (Sam Anderson) is awake and babbling through the whole operation.

Unfortunately, there’s also an angry woman in the OR and she has a gun.  Barbara Lonnicker (Judith Light) is eight months pregnant, despite her husband claiming that he got a vasectomy at St. Eligius.  As she already has several children to deal with, she wants to see the doctor who screwed up the vasectomy but she’s just as willing to shoot any other doctor to get her revenge.  The operation continues while Dr. Craig and Dr. Westphall negotiate with her.

I have to admit that I did find a lot of this episode to be amusing.  Ehrlich’s excitement over getting to do his first operation, Dr. Craig’s stuffy annoyance with being interrupted by a woman with a gun, and the patient’s nonstop rambling all made me smile more than once.  And Judith Light, not surprisingly, was great as the woman with the gun.  I loved the her husband was played by Tom Atkins.  You never know who you might see at St. Eligius!  That said, after the episode ended, I couldn’t help but think about how dumb the whole thing actually was.  How are people always managing to get guns into St. Eligius?  How did Barbara manage to get into an operating room without being stopped beforehand?  (Luther does tell her that she can’t be back there but he’s the only one who seems to notice her before she bursts into the OR.)  How come no one in the hospital seems to be more upset about the fact that there’s a woman waving a gun around an operating room?  At one point, Barbara shoots Ehrlich’s radio and hardly anyone seems to react.  The plot is played for laughs and that’s fine.  But, in this case, the story was a bit too implausible for its own good.

Meanwhile, Nurse Rosenthal returned to work after her mastectomy and struggled to get back into her routine.  Carolyn Pickles did a great job portraying Rosenthal in this episode.  And Fiscus and Shirley Daniels visited an old woman in a nursing home.  The subplots were handled well but, for the most part, this episode still felt as if it was trying a bit too hard.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.19 “Normal People”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Jonathan and Mark help out at a halfway house.

Episode 3.19 “Normal People”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on February 11th,  1987)

This week, Jonathan and Mark find themselves assigned to work as handymen at a halfway house for patients who have recently been released from a mental hospital but who are still not quite ready to reenter the society.  As usual, Mark is skeptical about working with anyone outside of his comfort zone but Jonathan soon shows him the error of his ways.  It seems like almost every assignment was really about teaching Mark to be more tolerant of people who were different than him.

The neighbors aren’t happy about having a halfway house in their neighborhood.  They vandalize the yard.  They blame the patients for every little thing.  When some neighborhood kids accidentally start a fire, the blame is put on a teenager at the halfway house.  Jonathan encourages the patients to try to leave the house and socialize and show everyone that they are just like normal people.  Jonathan also punishes one snobbish neighbor by causing her to have mishap with a stack of melons at a grocery store.  I’ve noticed that, during the third season, Jonathan and the Boss seem to take an extra delight in humiliating people.

Eventually, the stupid kids start another fire, which gives one of the patients that chance to save their lives.  It also reveals that the patient was not responsible for the earlier fires.  Everyone comes to realize the error of the ways.  Hurray!

This was a good example of how Highway to Heaven‘s earnestness often made up for scripts that were a bit obvious and heavy-handed.  There’s nothing subtle about this episode but it’s still so achingly sincere in its message of tolerance that it’s hard not appreciate it.  The show’s good intentions stand the test of time.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.8 “Guess Who’s Coming To Malibu”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

Reviewing Malibu CA feels a bit pointless now that I’ve discovered that half of the season two episodes weren’t ever uploaded to YouTube but I made a commitment and my own OCD tendencies are holding me to it.  Let’s try to take a look at the latest episode.

Episode 2.8 “Guess Who’s Coming To Malibu”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 27th, 1999)

Here’s what the imdb has to tell us about this episode:

Peter is thrilled to be named businessman of the year by the Malibu Business Association. Murray is excited that his favorite actor Josh Denmark is in Malibu shooting a film. Jason recalls that he knew Josh a few years back in music camp. Together they sneak onto the set to see Josh and disrupt the shoot. Josh remembers Jason, the two reminisce and plan to meet again. Later Josh comes by the Lighthouse with female fans following him. Jason offers to let Josh stay at the Collins house to escape the crush of fans. Jason asks his dad after the fact if Josh can stay and Peter says no way, it will be too disruptive with his awards banquet coming up and Scott’s Olympic training. Josh’s flattery helps Peter soften his position a little.

Wow, Jason just knows everyone!  Didn’t they already do an episode during the first season about a movie star who needed a place to hide so she ended up staying at the Collins house?  We’re only two seasons in and the show is already repeating itself.  It’s also interesting to note that Scott’s Olympic training is still going on.  When last we checked, he had only recently started swimming again.  And yet, he’s already a potential Olympian.  I learned how to play golf two years ago.  Maybe I should try out for the Olympic team.

This is another second season episode that has not been uploaded to YouTube.  I know, it breaks my heart, too.  Consider this to be a placeholder.  If the episode ever does show up on YouTube, I will review it here.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.14 “Household Gods”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, we meet a chauvinistic demon.

Episode 3.14 “Household Gods”

(Dir by Michael Warren Powell, originally aired on December 30th, 1990)

Deborah (Deborah Van Valkenburgh) is a married woman who is trying to balance her career with taking care of her baby.  No matter how hard Deborah tries to keep it together, it seems like there’s just one household crisis after another and her husband (Jeffrey Ware) doesn’t appear to have any sympathy for her predicament.  Deborah hires a nanny (Priscilla Shanks) who tells Deborah that her attitude has upset the Household God, a little misogynistic monster who punishes women who want a life outside of the home.  Deborah is skeptical but, this being an episode of Monsters, it turns out the nanny was right.  There is a messy and self-centered deity living in her house and he’s going out of his way to make her life difficult.  He’s played, under a good deal of makeup, by Michael Anderson, the actor who played “The Man From Another World” on Twin Peaks.

This episode had potential.   The idea that there’s a little sexist demon that is responsible for making it so difficult to balance family and career was an intriguing one and also one that was ripe for satire.  Tonally, though, this episode never quite came together.  This was one of those episodes that couldn’t seem to decide if it wanted to be a comedy or a horrific drama and as a result, it just kind of fell flat.  Deborah Van Valkenburgh gave about as good a performance as one could, considering that the show itself often didn’t seem to know how it felt about her character and her predicament.  But, for the most part, this episode was a good idea that was poorly executed.

It happens.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.24 “Isaac Gets Physical/She Brought Her Mom Along/Cold Feet”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, horror royalty boards the Love Boat!

Episode 5.24 “Isaac Gets Physical/She Brought Her Mother Along/Cold Feet”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on March 20th, 1982)

For this week, and this week only, there’s a new member of the Love Boat crew.  Charlene Glover (Shirley Hemphill) is a nurse who has been sent to give every member of the crew a physical in order to make sure that it’s safe for them to work on a cruise ship.  Isaac panics because he has high blood pressure and he worries that he’s going to lose his job as a result.  This would seem like a good opportunity for the show to share some tips on what to do if you suffer from high blood pressure but instead, the whole storyline is a smitten Charlene chasing Isaac and Isaac trying to change his medical records.  It was a bit mean-spirited since most of the laughs came from the idea of Isaac having to get romantic with someone who was overweight in order to keep his job.

(That said, take your blood pressure seriously, everyone.  My Dad had high blood pressure his entire life and it was not easy for him.)

Speaking of mean-spirited, Carter Randall (Richard Dean Anderson) is engaged to marry Muffy (Linda Blair …. yes, that Linda Blair) but he’s getting cold feet.  So, he starts leaving her messages and making phone calls to her in which he speaks with a fake Southern accent.  There are three Texans on the boat and Carter is pretending to be one of them, hoping that Muffy will fall in love with this imaginary person and then break off their marriage …. WHAT A JERK!  And yet, somehow, this plan causes Carter to realize how much he does love Muffy and Muffy is totally forgiving when the truth comes out.  Seriously, that’s not the Linda Blair that we all know from such classic films as Savage Streets and Chained Heat!  What the heck, Linda?

(I should also mention that Carter’s attempt at a Texas accent was terrible.  In fact,  none of the actors playing the Texans had a convincing accent.  For shame, Love Boat, for shame!)

Finally, Millicent (Betsy Palmer) boards the boat with her daughter, Debbie (Connie Needham).  Debbie introduces Millicent to her boyfriend and it turns out that Debbie’s dating some guy who is at least twenty years old than her.  In fact, Ted (Gene Barry) is so old that he used to date Millicent!  Wow, creepy!  Anyway, Millicent and Ted realize that they’re still in love so sorry, Debbie.  Ted even says he fell in love with Debbie because she reminded him of Millicent.  Somehow, Debbie learns all of this without jumping overboard.

As a horror fan, I enjoyed this episode.  Gene Barry was in War of the Worlds.  Linda Blair was in The Exorcist.  Betsy Palmer was the original Mrs. Voorhies.  They really should have aired this episode in October.  The stories were terrible but I simply can’t resist an episode that featured this much horror royalty.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.12 “The Big Spin”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Bike patrol expands its roster, this week.

Episode 1.12 “The Big Spin”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on May 18th, 1996)

Bike patrol has a new recruit!  Scott Kramer (Richard Joseph Paul) has been a cop for ten years and, for nine of those year, he had a perfect record.  But lately, he’s became impulsive and too much of a risk taker.  Bike patrol is his last chance!  “I run things by the book,” Lt. Palermo says.

Chris is assigned to train Kramer and soon, the two of them are falling for each other.  Chris explains that Kramer, like her, is a rebel who breaks the rule.  One of the funnier things about Pacific Blue is that Chris is supposed to be a rebel who breaks the rule when she’s nothing of the sort.  Instead, she just kind of gets annoyed and pouts every episode.

Anyway, it turns out that Kramer is terminally ill so he doesn’t care if he dies while taking down the two motorcycle bandits who have been robbing people all across town.  And that’s a good thing because that’s pretty much what happens.  The bandits are captured but bike patrol loses a recruit.

“The last thing he saw was you,” Palmero tells Chris and I think that was supposed to comfort her.  Chris nods and then walks along the beach by herself.

Wow, it’s an edgy episode!  Well, no, not really.  It comes close to being an edgy episode.  Richard Joseph Paul gives a pretty good performance as Kramer.  But …. come on, folks …. they’re on bicycles!  I’m sorry that I keep harping on this and, since this stupid show has like a gillion episodes, I imagine I’ll continue to harp on it in the future but bicycles are not edgy!  The first season is nearly over and I still laugh whenever I see the bike cops hearing about a crime on their radio and then going, “Unit whatever responding.”  I’m just imagining the dispatcher being like, “Oh no, bike patrol again.”  Seriously, everyone on this show always has such a grim expression on their face and they’re determined to catch the bad guys but, again …. bicycles!

Anyway, season one comes to an end next week.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.11 “The Songwriter/Queen of Soaps”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, things get a bit soapy on Fantasy Island.

Episode 6.11 “The Songwriter/Queen of Soaps”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on January 22nd, 1983)

Dan O’Dwyer (Anson Williams) is the grandson of composer, Jeremy Todd (David Cassidy).  Todd was a important figure during New York’s tin pan alley days but, in 1983, he’s a nearly forgotten figure.  He died in World War I and there are some people who claim that Todd didn’t actually write the songs that he’s been credited with.  Dan’s fantasy is to go back into the past so that he can meet his grandfather and bring some of his compositions back to the present day.  Mr. Roarke makes it clear that Dan cannot tell anyone that he’s from the future nor can he try to change history.  Jeremy Todd is going to die no matter what.

Dan agrees and he goes back to the past.  He meets his grandfather and they get along famously.  Dan even finds what he’s looking for, the compositions that prove that Jeremy wrote his own songs.  However, Dan also meets and falls in love with a singer named Carol (Donna Pescow).  Dan may have what he wants but he’s going to lose the love of his life once the fantasy ends.

Except …. what if Carol is someone with a fantasy of her own?  That’s right, Carol’s another guest on the Island!  I can’t say that I was surprised by this because this is a twist that the show has used several times.  Still, Anson Williams and Donna Pescow made for a cute couple and even David Cassidy wasn’t as annoying as usual in the role of Jeremy Todd.  This was a good fantasy.

And hey, the second fantasy was pretty good as well!  Gina Edwards (Susan Lucci) is a soap opera star who worries that she’s being taken over by Andrea, the evil character that she plays on her show.  The audience loves it when Andrea is wicked and dangerous but the pressure of playing a character so unlike herself is getting to Gina.  She fears that she is literally going to turn into Andrea and perhaps harm her husband, Jeff (Chris Robinson).  Jeff is also the director of the show so a lot of the pressure that Gina is feeling is coming from him.  Fortunately, Mr. Roarke is able to show Gina and Jeff that they are both just working too hard.  They decide to take a step back and just enjoy life.

This fantasy was fun.  It was not only about a soap opera but it paid homage to daytime melodrama as well.  (Tattoo, it turned out, was a huge fan of the show.)  Susan Lucci, not surprisingly, was totally convincing as a soap opera diva.  This fantasy had some enjoyably creepy moments and also a few humorous ones.  It was everything you could want from Fantasy Island.

This was a great trip to the Island!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.15 “Christmas Watch”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

Merry Christmas!

Episode 3.15  “Christmas Watch”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on December 15th, 1979)

It’s Christmas in Los Angeles!  Bob (Don Reid) and Alice Piermont (Pamela Susan Shoop) are a married couple who drive around in a blue van and rob people.  They steal a 15 century bell from an orphanage!  How can the orphans have a merry Christmas without their bell!?

Don’t worry, Ponch is on the case!  Ponch will not only find their bell but he’ll date their teacher as well.  Of course, Ponch is feeling a little down because his family is in Chicago.  But then his mother (Anna Navarro) shows up and, in a rare nod to continuity from this show, his mother is played by the same actress who played her the last time that she came down to Los Angeles.  Ponch not only get to spend time with his mother but he also gets a boost when a businessman who was earlier cited for driving while intoxicated shows up at the station so that he can thank Ponch in person.  The lesson this Christmas?  Ponch can do no wrong.

The thieving couple is caught after the are involved in a accident and, instead of waiting for the police to arrive, they just slip a few thousand to the other driver and then try to escape.  No such luck.  They are captured and the kids get back their bell.  Merry Christmas to all, except for the couple going to jail.

This was a typical episode of CHiPs, in which the California sun continued to shine while everyone celebrated Christmas.  There were a few decent chases and some nice shots of the local scenery.  In the end, Ponch did everything right and got a date.  Merry Christmas!  It wasn’t a bad episode, especially if you’re a fan of Erik Estrada.  Larry Wilcox fans will probably be a little disappointed in how little there was for him to do.  It’s the holidays and CHiPs is all about Ponch.