Tag Archives: review

The Films of 2026: Return To Silent Hill (dir by Chrstophe Gans)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Alcoholic painter James Sunderland (Jeremy Irvine) is consumed with bad memories.  He remembers the time that he met Mary Crane (Hannah Emily Anderson) at a bus stop on a mountain that overlooked the idyllic town of Silent Hill.  He remembers falling in love with Mary.  He remembers living in Silent Hill with her.  And he remembers the circumstances that led to him leaving the town without her.  Now, James spends him time in bars and dodges meetings with his therapist (Nicola Alexis).

Then, from seemingly out of nowhere, James receives a letter from Mary, asking him to return to Silent Hill and to save her.  He heads into a town that is far different from the place that he remembers.  A permanent mist now fills the streets of Silent Hill and ash continually falls from the sky.  Every time static is heard on a radio, it means that something dangerous is nearby.  Monsters emerge from the darkness.  James meets a variety of people, from the slovenly Eddie (Pearse Egan) to Maria (Hannah Emily Anderson), who looks enough like Mary that they could be sisters.  (And, as you already noticed, both Mary and Maria are played by the same actress.)

It’s a deadly and dangerous town.  Myself, if I had been lucky enough to get out of Silent Hill the first time, I would probably never return.  However, James has his own guilt and personal demons to confront….

Return to Silent Hill is based on a video game, Silent Hill 2.  Now, before I say anything else, I should make clear that I have not played Silent Hill 2.  I’ve been told that the film sticks to the basics of the game’s plot while changing some very important details.  The biggest change appears to be that Return to Silent Hill features the cult from the earlier Silent Hill game (and film) whereas Silent Hill 2 did not.  From what I’ve read, that’s actually a pretty big change and it actually alters the way that some of James’s actions are interpreted.  I don’t want to spoil the film but I will say that I can understand why fans of the game were not particularly happy with the movie.

As for the movie itself, it has some effective moments.  The Silent Hill imagery is undeniably creepy.  After watching the movie, I took a nap and I actually had a nightmare about a killer with a pyramid head.  I have Return to Silent Hill to thank for that.  (Thanks a lot, movie!)  But, my goodness, is this ever a slow film!  If any movie needed to be a 70-minute animated film, it was Return to Silent Hill.  Instead, excluding the end credits, it’s a 94-minute live action film that feels considerably longer.  Hannah Emily Anderson is boring as Mary but considerably better as Maria.  Jeremy Irvine delivers his lines with a bland blankness.  The faceless, acid-bleeding zombie thing had more personality.

A lot of effort was obviously made to capture the look of the video game while shooting Return to Silent Hill.  I actually appreciated the filmmakers dedication to the film’s visual style.  That said, the end result was that watching the film felt a lot like watching someone else play a video game.  It’s slightly interesting at first but eventually, you just want to grab the controller and steal a car of your own.

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 1.7 “Homecoming King”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

I’m saved by the bell! …. but for how long?

Episode 1.7 “Homecoming King”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 23rd, 1993)

The big Homecoming dance is coming up and Lindsay has been nominated for Homecoming Queen, just as her mom (Diane Sainte-Marie) was years ago.  Lindsay should be excited but her mom has made it clear that she doesn’t want Lindsay going to the dance with Tommy D.  In fact, her mom doesn’t want Lindsay dating Tommy D at all.  Tommy D is a troublemaker!  Lindsay gets so angry that she decides not to go to the dance at all but instead, Tommy D tells her that she has to go to the dance so that she can be crowned as Homecoming Queen.  Tommy says that he does screw up a lot.  Maybe they should see other people.

Scott, who just a few episodes ago was trying to break Tommy and Lindsay up, announces that “Tommy D stands for Decent Dude.”

(Then his name would be Tommy DD.  I swear, does anyone even go to class at this school?)

Uh-oh.  It looks like smarmy Chad Westerfield (Jimmy Mardsen) is planning on asking Lindsay to the dance.  Scott’s going to have to come up with a scheme to make sure that Chad doesn’t win Homecoming King and that Tommy and Lindsay get back together….

Wait a minute …. who is that playing Chad Westerfield?  THAT’S A YOUNG JAMES MARSDEN!  Lindsay should definitely go to the dance with Chad Westerfield!  Screw Tommy D!  Lindsay, your date is here!

This was one of James Marsden’s earliest roles but he already had the looks and the charisma that would make him one of my favorite actors.  Even though we’re supposed to hate Chad and there’s a scene where he reveals that he’s just pretending to be nice so that he’ll win the Homecoming King election, James Marsden is still so innately likable that it’s hard not to be disappointed when Scott rigs the election so that Tommy wins as a write-in candidate.  (Homecoming Queen is won by Megan, also a write-in candidate.  The “nerds” voted for her because she came to the dance with Weasel after Chad ghosted her once he found out Lindsay was available.)  Jonathan Angel was likably earnest as Tommy D but sorry, he just can’t compete with James Marsden.

(What type of school allows write-in votes in an election?)

Beyond featuring James Marsden in an early role, this episode is notable as a good example of Saved By The Bell at its most hypocritical.  Lindsay’s mother is portrayed as being wrong-headed because she judges Tommy D on his appearance.  And yet, we’re supposed to howl with laughter when Scott asks one of the nerdy girls to the dance.  (Scott is trying to get the school’s nerds to vote for Tommy.)  Saved By The Bell was always been quick to preach tolerance while also encouraging its audience to laugh at anyone who didn’t have the right look.  That was especially true during New Class.

Sad to say, this was the only appearance that James Marsden made on Saved By The Bell: The New Class.  He was smart enough not to stick around.

 

Lifetime Film Review: Teenage Bank Heist (dir by Doug Campbell)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s just another day at the bank….

Cassie Aveson (Abbie Cobb) is a directionless teenager whose life has been going nowhere since high school.  Her mother, Joyce (Maeve Quinlan), encourages Cassie to at least consider going to junior college but Cassie says that she’s not even sure that she ever wants to go to college at all.  (I tried that same argument on my mom after I graduated high school.  I didn’t get very far.)  Wanting to spend more time with her daughter, single mother Joyce arranges for Cassie to get a job at the same bank where Joyce works.

So far so good, right?  Unfortunately, when three masked robbers using voice distortion devices rob the bank, one of them grabs Cassie and takes her as a hostage.  Another one of the robbers shoots a security guard.  After the robbers take off with Cassie and $600,000 in stolen money, Joyce is shocked to discover that FBI Agent Mendoza (Rosa Blaasi) suspects that Cassie was in on the robbery.

“Do you have children?” Joyce asks Mendoza..

After hesitating, Mendoza admits that she does not.  Well, that’s all we need to know about her!  Unless you have children, you have no right to suspect that anyone’s child might be involved in a crime.  So, I guess, maybe don’t join the FBI if that’s the case because your job is going to be super-difficult.

As for Cassie, she is innocent as far as the bank robbery is concerned.  However, she does know the three people under the masks.  She went to high school with them.  Grace Miller (Davida Williams) is the concerned and responsible friend who is planning on going to law school, even if she’s currently serving as a get away driver.  Marie (Augie Duke) is the bad girl who has a heavily tattooed boyfriend named Nick (James Ferris) and who was probably voted Most Likely To Shoot A Security Guard.  And finally, Abbie (Cassi Thomson) is the apologetic outcast who Cassie was once suspended for defending.

It’s a teenage bank heist!

Released in 2012, Teenage Bank Heist is one of the best of the old school Lifetime films.  It not only embraces the melodrama but it holds on tight and demands even more.  Grace and Abbi have a reason for robbing the bank that goes beyond simple thrills but to reveal all of the details would not be fair to those who have yet to see the film.  One of the joys of Teenage Bank Heist is that it’s a film that continually leaves you shocked as to how far it takes things.  Teenage Bank Heist is totally over-the-top, ludicrous, and just a ton of fun.  Watching this film, you will believe that a bunch of teenage girls can rob a bank and get involved in an international incident.  You will also believe that a suburban movie can pick up a gun and become an ice cold vigilante when she needs to.  It’s Lifetime at its best.

Early on in the film, there’s a beautiful shot of a bunch of loose bills floating in the air.  It’s the type of shot that reminds us that we’re watching a film by Doug Campbell, who was responsible for the best Lifetime films.  Teenage Bank Heist is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi and you should watch it immediately.  Do it for every teenager who has ever literally had no choice but to rob a bank.  It happens more often than you may think.

Song of the Day: The Day Is My Enemy by The Prodigy

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Just as I did last year on this date, I’m picking today’s song of the day as much for the video as the song.  By combining one of The Prodigy’s best songs with scenes from George Miller’s best film, whoever put this video together did a wonderful job!

Music Video of the Day: Lost Track by HAIM (2022, dir by Paul Thomas Anderson)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Even before the release of Licorice Pizza, it was clear that Paul Thomas Anderson’s Haim videos constituted some of the best short films of the past decade.  They were the perfect collaboration between a group of artists.

I’ve always liked Haim because they remind me of me and my sisters.

Enjoy!

[Verse 1]
Tryin’ to get on top
But it’s never easy
Mastered my own luck
But it wasn’t easy
I’m tryin’ to feel alright
Around all these people
I try, but I’m just numb
This time

[Chorus]
Deepest cut that I can’t feel
Found a grip on the steering wheel
I know a piece’s stuck
You can sit down if you don’t mind me standin’ up (Mind me standin’ up)
I know I was too good to pass (Too good to pass)
So me and you caused a chain reaction (Chain reaction)
I’ll take the smallest crumb
But I’ll never get back what I lost track of

[Verse 2]
Laugh when I’m still cryin’
Yeah, you know the deal
Burn but it’s still fine (Huh)
Yeah, you know the deal
Can’t redeem my love
That’s such a steal
But you can’t say I’m not tryin’
This time

[Chorus]
Deepest cut that I can’t feel
Found a grip on the steering wheel
I know a piece’s stuck
You can sit down if you don’t mind me standin’ up (Mind me standin’ up)
I know I was too good to pass (Too good to pass)
So me and you caused a chain reaction (Chain reaction)
I’ll take the smallest crumb
But I’ll never get back what I lost track of
Oh, I’ll never get back what I lost track of
I’ll never get back what I lost track of
I’ll never get back what I lost track of

[Outro]
I’ll never get back what I lost track
I’ll never get back what I lost track
I’ll never get back what I lost track
I’ll never get back but I’ve lost track

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.11 “Concours d’Elegance”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, we say goodbye to a member of the highway patrol.  Excuse while I wipe the tears away from my myopic eyes.

Episode 5.11 “Concours d’Elegance”

(Dir by John Patterson, originally aired on December 13th, 1981)

This is it.  This the final episode to feature the character of Steve McLeish.

Played by a pre-transition Caitlyn Jenner, Steve was introduced as a replacement for Ponch while Erik Estrada was recovering from a stunt gone wrong.  Once Ponch rejoined the series, there really wasn’t much for Steve to do but he still stuck around for a few episodes.  He only appears for a few minutes in this episode.  He arrests some joyriding teens who are constantly trying to get older people to buy them liquor.  Maybe they should have asked Steve.  He always seemed like was eager to please.

(I should mention that both of the “teens” appear to be in their 30s.)

I’m going to miss Steve, largely because Jenner’s bland performance was so bad that it actually became rather fascinating to watch.  In this episode, he continues to deliver his lines with a puppy-dog earnestness that can’t disguise his total inability to show any emotion beyond wide-eyed wonderment.

As for this episode, it featured Baker and Ponch getting involved with a rich family.  While matriarch Hannah Chadway (Claudette Nevins) tries to see Baker up with her niece, sleazy Anthony Chadway (Gary Graham) is illegally selling cars and using the family’s charity as a front.  At one point, Hannah offers Baker a private security job.  Baker turns her down.  Couldn’t he have at least put in a word for his friend Steve?  Ponch and Baker eventually take it upon themselves to tell Hannah that she needs to get her spoiled family under control.  Hannah realizes they’re right.  Personally, I would have told Ponch and Baker that it was really none of their business but that’s just me.

This episode feature two slow motion crashes, both of which are so severe that everyone involved should have been killed.  (One accidents features not one but two cars flying through a trailer as it explodes.)  Oddly, no one is seriously injured.  I’m getting the feeling that CHiPs may not have always been a realistic show.

 

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 5.17 “Freefall”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs are burned out.

Episode 17 “Freefall”

(Dir by Russ Mayberry, originally aired on May 12th, 1989)

As this episode begins, we find Crockett and Tubbs at their most cynical.  After five years as partners, they’ve seen a lot of bad guys go down.  They’ve seen a lot of innocent people die.  Larry Zito was killed by drug dealers.  Switek has developed a gambling addiction.  Gina has shot numerous men in cold blood.  Trudy was kidnapped by aliens.  Castillo has never once smiled.  None of it seems to make any difference.

When the government approaches them and orders Crockett and Tubbs to go into a war-torn island country and smuggle out dictator General Manuel Borbon (Ian McShane), Crockett is not happy about the assignment.  Tubbs, however, believes that the government is telling the truth about Borbon having information that could take down the world’s biggest drug cartel.  The government, for their part, think that Crockett and Tubbs have the undercover experience to pull off the operation.  Has the government not noticed that Crockett and Tubbs have had their covers blown in nearly every episode?

Of course, it turns out that the government is lying.  They just wanted Borbon out of the country so he wouldn’t reveal what he knows about American intelligence’s activities in Central America.  Crockett and Tubbs manage to get Borbon to Miami but they then find themselves under constant attack from the drug gangs that want Borbon dead.  Borbon proves to be untrustworthy.  Because of his gambling addiction, Castillo suspects that Switek may have sold out his partners.  Switek responds by tracking down three hitmen and gunning them down.  Did Switek sell out Crockett and Tubbs?  The answer isn’t clear but it does seem like his time as a detective is coming to an end.

Finally, Tubbs and Crocket do what they have to do.  They go on a “suicide” mission that involves them firing their weapons at Borbon’s sea plane until it explodes.  Borbon is killed and so are several of his American associates.  When the CIA man in charge of the operation threatens to have their badges, Crockett and Tubbs toss their badges on the ground.  Castillo offers to back them up if they chose to stay on the force.  Tubbs says thanks but no thanks.  Tubbs is going back to New York.  Crockett is heading further south, presumably to live in the Florida everglades.

And so, Miami Vice ends.

Except it doesn’t!  There were four so-called “lost episodes” that aired in syndication.  We’ll take a look at them over the next four weeks.

As for Freefall, it’s not a terrible conclusion to the story of Crockett and Tubbs.  It stays true to the cynicism that ran though the entire series.  Crockett and Tubbs finally admit that the War on Drugs is a sham and they quit.  It’s a shame that Gina and Trudy didn’t get to do much in the finale.  I wasn’t happy with the idea of Switek being a traitor but it actually did work for his character.  Switek had been spiraling ever since Zito was killed.  This episode has a lot of surprisingly violent action, the show’s trademark political subtext, and Johnson and Thomas bringing their characters to life one last time.

Apparently, this episode was originally envisioned as ending with both Crockett and Tubbs dying.  That actually would have been a totally appropriate ending as both characters have often seemed as if they had a death wish.  However, the network turned down that idea because they were hoping to do a spin-off series.  Crockett and Tubbs were spared by the higher-ups.  The series ends — or it would end if not for the four extra episodes — with Crockett and Tubbs speeding through the streets of Miami and it’s had not to feel that’s the way it should be.

Song of the Day: Reach Out (I’ll Be There) by The Four Tops

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

A friend of mine recently watched Cooley High for the first time.  We both agreed that the film ends on two powerful musical notes, first with It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye playing over the scenes of Cochise’s funeral and then with today’s song of the day playing over the scenes of Preach literally running towards his future.

Here is Reach Out (I’ll Be There) by The Four Tops.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 1.14 “The Election”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!

This week, Zack and Jessie fight over a pointless, ceremonial title.

Episode 1.14 “The Election”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 18th, 1989)

This is the episode where Jessie is running unopposed for student body president.  When Zack overhears Belding and Mr. Dewey (Patrick Thomas O’Brien) discussing how the new president will win a week-long trip to Washington, D.C., he decides to enter the race.  Because, seriously, what California kid doesn’t want to spend a week in one of the most humid cities in America?

Back when reruns of Saved By The Bell were running on every basic cable station, this episode seemed to show up a lot.  Rewatching it for this review, the first thing I noticed was that the cast all looked quite a bit younger than they did in last week’s episode.  Zack’s voice still hadn’t cracked and Mark-Paul Gosselaar was still overacting in much the same way as he did during Good Morning Miss Bliss.  I also noticed that none of the relationships between the characters felt correct.  Neither Zack nor Slater appeared to have a crush on Kelly.  When Lisa volunteers to be Jessie’s campaign manager, Jessie acts as if she barely knows Lisa.  Just as in the Dancing to the Max episode, a lot of emphasis is put on the idea of Zack and Jessie being lifelong friends.  I’ve always suspected that the showrunners originally meant for Zack and Jessie to become a couple and this episode seems to lean in that direction.  As for this episode, it feels like it was meant to be the first or second episode of the show but, for whatever reason, it didn’t air until halfway through the first season.

Episodes like this always amuse me because, seriously …. it’s just the Student Council!  The Student Council has no real power.  No one cares about the Student Council or, at least, they didn’t when I went to high school.  It’s a ceremonial position.  When Jessie talks about wanting to make real change, I was on Zack’s rather cynical side.  The Student Council President can’t change anything, Jessie!  When Kelly said that she needed time to think about her vote because the winner would “be in charge of the whole school,” I really wanted someone to explain to Kelly that no, the principal and the school board and the school superintendent are in charge of the whole school.

Despite trying to sabotage his own campaign after Belding tells him that the trip has been canceled, Zack is elected by one vote.  (Jessie gives Kelly the glare of death because Kelly earlier switched her vote from Jessie to Zack.  “I voted for Gilligan,” Kelly assures her.)  It turns out that Belding was lying about the trip being canceled but Zack now feels so guilty that he decides to resign as student council president so that Jessie can have the job.  Jessie would be student council president for the entirety of her time at Bayside but let’s never forget that she owed it all to Zack.

This episode was dumb but I have to admit that I enjoyed watching it.  I guess that’s the power of nostalgia.  As soon as I saw Jessie putting up her campaign poster, I felt like I was back in college, looking for an excuse not to study.

One final note: In later episodes, the show’s hairstylists and costuming supervisors sometimes seemed to have it out for Elizabeth Berkley.  I assume that was because it was eventually decided that Kelly would be the “pretty one.”  Jessie’s hair looks really good in this episode.  Good for her.