Lifetime Film Review: Her Secret Family Killer (dir by Lisa France)

Posted on October 30, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

DNA Tests are all the rage right now.

Right now, everyone is taking them. Most of them seem to be hoping that they’ll find something really unexpected and cool in their background, like that they’re descended from Tecumseh or somebody. Personally, I’d love to discover that I am related to Rutherford B. Hayes, seeing as how he was the greatest president who ever lived. Of course, then you have other people who are just hoping that a DNA test will somehow make them seem less generic. “I’m 1.2% North African,” they’ll tell you, in-between posting Taylor Swift memes on twitter.

That said, everyone should approach DNA tests with caution. First off, if you’ve ever taken a DNA test, that means that the government now has access to your DNA and can probably use it to clone a race of super soldiers or something. That’s definitely one thing to consider. There’s also the possibility that being goaded into taking a DNA test could end whatever hope you have of ever being elected President. That’s another thing you have to consider. And finally, there’s the possibility that your DNA will turn up on the dead body of your best friend! Agck!

That’s exactly what happens to Sarah (Brooke Nevin) in Her Secret Family Killer. Her best friend Victoria (Carmen Moreno) gives her a DNA test for her birthday. Despite the protestations of Lyle (Devin Crittenden), who says that DNA tests are the first step towards dictatorship, Sarah gets the test done. Later, Victoria disappears. Sarah, while out on her morning run, just happens to stumble across Victoria’s dead body. The police test the DNA that was on Victoria’s body and just guess whose DNA shows up.

That’s right! Sarah’s!

But, surely, Sarah couldn’t be the murderer. It must just be someone who shares Sarah’s DNA, like a family member. So, which of Sarah’s relatives is the murderer? Or, could it be that there’s something else going on? I mean, seriously, when you’ve got DNA traveling all over the place, who knows who might be able to get their hands on it….

The best Lifetime films always strike at a secret fear that many people have but aren’t always willing to express. Her Secret Family Killer is all about the fear that one of your relatives might be murderers and you might not know it. I mean, it’s definitely possible. Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, the Grim Sleeper, the Baseline Killer, the D.C. snipers, they all had families and they all had relatives who were probably shocked when cousin Ted ended up in jail, accused with murdering people across the country. I mean, who knows what type of monsters you might have hiding in your family tree? People take DNA tests assuming that they’ll discover they’re related to someone great. What if you take your DNA test and discover that your great-uncle is the BTK Killer? It could happen.

Anyway, Her Secret Family Killer is another entertaining Lifetime thriller. Brooke Nevin has appeared in a few of these and she does a good job of embracing the melodrama, which is pretty much the key to making a good Lifetime film. If nothing else, watching the film will make you think twice before sending your DNA off to strangers and that’s probably a good thing.

Horror Film Review: The Silence (dir by John R. Leonetti)

Posted on October 30, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“Don’t make a sound!”

“Why not?”

“Because we’re characters in the 2019 film, The Silence.”

“Uhmmm….okay.”

“And there’s monsters flying around the car.”

“Oh, is that what those are? I thought they were like fruit bats or something.”

“And they only hunt by sound.”

“Wait.”

“So, if you make a sound, they’ll swoop down and kill the entire family, even old grandma in the back seat.”

“Does any of this seem familiar?”

“Shhhh….”

“I swear this film feels familiar.”

“Oh please …. this is nothing like A Quiet Place.”

“Uhmm …. big flying creatures swarming on people who make noise and killing them. How is this not like A Quiet Place?”

“Well, The Silence not only features creatures that only hunt by sound but there’s also a subplot that comes out of nowhere, about a bunch of cultists who have cut out their tongues and who want to sacrifice the family to the monsters.”

“Oh.”

“Nothing like A Quiet Place.”

“So, basically, this just A Quiet Place meets a bad episode of Fear The Walking Dead.”

“Kind of but you know what? The Silence has got Stanley Tucci in the cast and he’s an Oscar nominee! Plus, Kiernan Shipka plays Tucci’s deaf daughter and she’s Sabrina. Also, Miranda Otto is in it and she-costars with Kiernan on that Sabrina show, so this entire movie really does feel like a particularly messed-up episode of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina.”

“So, basically, this movie is a A Quiet Place meets Fear The Walking Dead meets that terrible Sabrina show.”

“My point is that this film has a really good cast and it’s also got the guts to totally waste them in uninteresting roles.”

“How does that take guts?”

“It also has the guts to kill off the adorable family dog because sometimes you just have to make difficult choices to say alive.”

“Especially when you’re living in a second-rate version of A Quiet Place, right?”

“LISTEN!”

“Uhmm …. should you have just yelled like that, considering all the monsters killing anyone who makes a sound?”

“Whoops.”

“Well, we’re screwed …. AAAAAAGH!”

And the rest is silence.

Horror On The Lens: Carnival of Souls (dir by Herk Harvey)

Posted on October 30, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Well, we’re nearly done with October and, traditionally, this is when all of us in the Shattered Lens Bunker gather in front of the television in Arleigh’s penthouse suite, eat popcorn, drink diet coke, and gossip about whoever has the day off.

Of course, after we do that, I duck back into my office and I watch the classic 1962 film, Carnival of Souls!

Reportedly, David Lynch is a huge fan of Carnival of Souls and, when you watch the film, it’s easy to see why. The film follows a somewhat odd woman (played, in her one and only starring role, by Candace Hilligoss) who, after a car accident, is haunted by visions of ghostly figures. This dream-like film was independently produced and distributed. At the time, it didn’t get much attention but it has since been recognized as a classic and very influential horror film.

This was director Herk Harvey’s only feature film. Before and after making this film, he specialized in making educational and industrial shorts (some of which we’ve watched this month), the type of films that encouraged students not to cheat on tests and employees not to take their jobs for granted. Harvey also appears in this film, playing “The Man” who haunts Hilligoss as she travels across the country.

Enjoy Carnival of Souls!

And remember, don’t stop for any hitchhikers!

The Things You Find On Netflix: We Summon The Darkness (dir by Marc Meyers)

Posted on October 30, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

We Summon The Darkness is a horror/comedy that has got a devilish little twist that I can’t spoil in this review.

That’s a shame because, believe me, I would love to spoil it. I would love to tell you all about the twist and about how much I love the twit and how clever I felt it all was but really, this is a twist that you need to experience for yourself. I don’t know if it’s really possible to go into a movie blind anymore but if there’s any movie that benefits from being viewed with as little foreknowledge as possible, it’s We Summon The Darkness.

I can tell you that that movie takes place in Indiana in 1988. It follows six people — three women and three guys — over the course of one long and very eventful night. It starts with Alexis (Alexandria Daddario), Val (Maddie Hasson), and Bev (Amy Forsyth) heading to a heavy metal concert out in the middle of nowhere. As they head to the concert, we see glimpses over an evangelist (Johnny Knoxville) railing against heavy metal and Satanism. We also hear some random news reports about some recent murders, all of which appear to have been the work of Satanists. It’s obvious that this film takes place in a very religious community, one that feels it is currently under attack from the forces of darkness.

At the concert, the girls meet up with three dorky guys, Mark (Keenan Johnson), Kovacs (Logan Miller), and Ivan (Austin Swift). Ivan is the leader of the guys, an outspoken atheist who is clearly skeptical of all of this Satanic panic. Mark, meanwhile, is celebrating one last hurrah before heading off to Los Angeles. Alexis invites the boys to come back to her father’s mansion, which is apparently empty for the night. The boys agree and….

….all Hell breaks loose.

And that’s all I’m going to tell you about the plot. In fact, I probably shared too much already. What I will say is that the film takes you by surprise. Just from reading about the film’s opening few minutes, you may think you know who these characters are but, instead, they surprise you. You may also think that you know how all of the chaos at the mansion is going to play out but again, the film surprises you.

We Summon The Darkness is a clever and intense mix of horror and satire, one that keeps the audience guessing. From the strong opening to the twisty conclusion, this is a film that grabs your attention and refuses to let it go. Director Marc Meyers does a great job of ramping up the tension and he’s helped by a wonderful cast, all of whom bring their odd characters to life. Alexandra Daddario and Ivan Swift are the cast stand-outs, with Daddario especially tearing through the film like a force of nature. Though I initially assumed that Johnny Knoxville’s role was an example of stunt casting, he actually gives a good performance as a character who turns out to be far more important than you might initially assume.

We Summon The Darkness can currently be summoned from Netflix and it’s worth the watch.

Horror on TV: Freakylinks 1.7 “Still I Rise” (dir by Joe Napolitano)

Posted on October 29, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For tonight’s episode of Freakylinks, we have a little something called Still I Rise. It has a zombie theme to it. Towards the end of the episode, Ethan Embry goes a little crazy. (Far crazier then he went on Rex Manning Day….)

(C’mon, you know I was going to have to work in a reference to Rex Manning Day eventually.)

This episode originally aired on January 12th, 2001. And you can watch it below!

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Chopping Mall (dir by Jim Wynorski)

Posted on October 29, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This 1986 film tells the story of what happens when one local mall decides that it’s had enough of thievery and vandalism.

First off, automatic locks and shutters are installed. What that means is that, at a certain hour, anyone who is inside the mall is going to be trapped there until the morning. Secondly, three robots are used as a security force. They’re called Protectors and they roll around, looking for thieves and keeping people safe. Don’t worry about getting mistaken for a thief, of course. As long as you’ve got a badge, the protector will just say, “Thank you and have a good day.”

It all seems perfect but …. what if the robots malfunction? What if they ignore the badges and just start killing anyone unlucky enough to be trapped in the mall for the night? Surely, that could never happen, right?

Of course, it does happen. Thanks to a freak electrical storm, the Protectors come to life and set out to keep the mall safe from intruders. First, they kill the technicians that are supposed to keeping a watch over them. Then, they kill a janitor named Walter Paisley (played, of course, by Dick Miller). Then, they set off after the six attractive people who were having a sleep-over in one of the stores.

So, what did I learn from Chopping Mall?

Well, I was tempted to say that I learned not to shoplift but actually, no one in the movie gets in trouble for shoplifting. I guess the main thing I learned is not to walk around the mall in my underwear because that definitely seems to be something that will cause the Protectors to blow up your head.

I also learned that, if you’re tapped in the mall with a bunch of killer robots, the best place to go is the sporting goods store because that store not only has a lot of automatic rifles but also an unlimited supply of ammunition. Of course, I already learned that from Dawn of the Dead but it’s always good to be reminded….

Anyway, Chopping Mall is a lot of fun. It’s undeniably dated. Just the fact that everyone’s life revolves around a mall tells you just how dated it is. I guess if they made the film now, it would have to take place at an Ikea store or maybe an Amazon warehouse. But the fact that the film is dated is a part of what makes it so much fun to watch. Seriously, it’s amazing all of the stuff that apparently used to go on at the local mall in the 80s.

Despite the fact that they have a bad habit of killing people, the Protectors are actually kind of cute. If nothing else, they’re unfailingly polite. You have to love the fact that they’ll wish you a nice day even after they’ve killed you. Surprisingly enough, the humans are just as likable as the Protectors. For a film about killer robots, Chopping Mall is surprisingly well-acted by a likable cast. Russell Todd, who was the best-looking man to ever be killed by Jason Voorhees, is in this film and he’s as broodingly handsome here as he was in Friday the 13th Part II.

Chopping Mall is a good mix of humor and thrills and robots and exploding heads and Dick Miller. This is 80s mall horror at its best!

Book Review: The Perfect Date by R.L. Stine

Posted on October 29, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In this YA novel from 1996, Brady Karlin is one of the most popular boys at school. Everyone knows him. Everyone likes him. He’s got a likable best friend named Jon. He’s got a beautiful and popular girlfriend named Allie. The only problem that Brady has is that he’s still haunted by the death of his former girlfriend, Sharon Noles.

And really, he should be haunted considering that it was all his fault! Sharon told him that she wasn’t ready to go sledding down that hill lat summer. Brady, however, insisted and Sharon went hurtling down the hill and eventually ended up dead and without a face. Honestly, I don’t care how good-looking or charming you are. If your last girlfriend lost her face because of your stupidity, you’re simply not going to be attractive to me. Sorry.

Anyway, it’s winter again and Brady is already thinking about ending things with Allie. There’s only so many basketball games and pizza parties that he can go to. However, instead of just breaking up with Allie, Brady instead starts to secretly a date a new girl named Rosha Nelson. Brady soon finds himself growing obsessed with the mysterious Rosha, who refuses to tell him anything about her past and who seems to really have a talent for getting Brady involved in dangerous, potentially life-threatening situations.

Meanwhile, there’s a mysterious “scarred girl” following Brady and Rosha around. Soon, people are mysteriously dying and the entire books leads to a climatic fight in which bodies are literally dismembered!

So, I liked The Perfect Date. It was as grotesque and morbid as a Christopher Pike book without any of the pretentious philosophizing that occasionally turns up in Pike’s work. While Rosha’s secret is pretty easy to figure out, Stine deserves a lot of credit for following the story to it’s natural conclusion. The book ends with a scene so weird that I had to read it twice. Really, what more can you ask for?

All in all, this book made me happy that I live in Texas. No snow equals no tragic sled accidents. This book made me appreciate our 60-degree winters.

A Blast From The Past: Understanding Others (dir by Herk Harvey)

Posted on October 29, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In this short film from 1958, the high school press club is thrown into chaos when their faculty sponsor selects Ben Curtis to be the editor-in-chief of the school paper.

Bob Stevens can’t believe it, because Ben doesn’t have an outgoing personality and he doesn’t come from a rich family. Ben, himself, is shocked because he feels like all of the other students are snobs who have no interest in being friendly. But the teacher sees something in Ben.

Can everyone learn to understand each other and put out a worthy school paper? Luckily, there’s a narrator present to encourage everyone to set aside their differences and …. understand. Just in case we miss the film’s message, the same event is shown to us three separate times from three different points of view.

This film was directed by Herk Harvey. Harvey directed a ton of educational films in the 50s and 60s. However, he’s best known for directing one of the most important horror films of all time, Carnival of Souls! I’ll be sharing Carnival of Souls tomorrow. For now, try to understand others.

Enjoy!

International Horror Film Review: The Killer Snakes (dir by Chih-Hung Kuei)

Posted on October 29, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Given my long-standing fear of snakes, you may be wondering why I would even own a copy of this 1974 film in the first place. The best excuse I can give you is that I believe in confronting my fears. Add to that, the back of the DVD claims that this this film is “infamous” and that it has been banned and censored in many countries. Back in 2010, that was pretty much all I needed to read to convince me to purchase something.

Anyway, The Killer Snakes is a grim and sleazy film from Hong Kong and if you weren’t scared of snakes before watching the film, you’ll definitely be scared of them afterwards. This isn’t like Snakes on a Plane, where there’s comedy and Samuel L. Jackson dropping classic lines. This is a brutal and rather nihilistic film, one where the good and the bad alike are destroyed for their sins. Everyone in this film took a bite from the fruit of the tree of knowledge and now the serpents are going to get revenge.

The film tells the story of Chen (Kwok-Leung Gan), who is the neighborhood weirdo. After being traumatized by an awful childhood, Chen is now obsessed with bondage and voyeurism. Being more than a bit creepy, he’s a natural target for every neighborhood bully. He’s grown obsessed with Hsiu Chuan (Lin-Lin Li), a shopgirl who appears to be the only nice person living in the neighborhood. Unfortunately, her boyfriend is not only one of the people who regularly bullies Chen but he’s also a pimp as well.

Chen’s only friends are the snakes that he’s been rescuing from the local restaurant. At the restaurant, the snake’s gall bladders are removed and they’re tossed out into the ally to die Chen has been collecting the restaurant’s snakes and all of the other local abused snakes and nursing them back to health. Soon, Chen has an entire army of snakes which he then unleashes on everyone who he feels has mistreated him. (Of course, what Chen doesn’t consider is that the snakes are seeking revenge less for him and more for their own personal reasons.)

Chen is so bullied that you might be tempted to have some sympathy for him but, whenever you start to feel sorry for him, he always manages to remind you that he may be a victim but he’s also a major creep. He’s a grimy little voyeur with an obsession with revenge and bondage. Whatever sympathy you may have for him will disappear as soon as one of his trained snakes attacks a bound prostitute. (If you have a morbid fear of a snake slithering into your vagina, this is not the film to watch because …. AGCK!) Actually, everyone in the film is terrible. There’s literally not a single truly likable person to be found in the entire film. Even the snakes are ultimately jerks.

The Killer Snakes is one of those films that seems to take place in a world that’s so sleazy and so covered in grime and lost hope that, after watching it, you’ll feel the need to take a shower to wash it all away. Of course, in doing so, you’ll be running the risk of getting attacked by a snake. That’s the type of film that The Killer Snakes is. It’s unpleasant, it’s grimy, it’s sleazy, but it will still definitely have you checking under the covers for snakes. It’s an effectively icky film. These snakes don’t have to get on a plane to freak you out.

Icarus File No. 5: mother! (dir by Darren Aronofsky)

Posted on October 29, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

You have to admire the courage of a filmmaker like Darren Aronofsky. After receiving some overdue Oscar love for Black Swan, Aronofsky probably could have settled into the type of career that Tim Burton currently has: i.e., the self-styled quirky director who makes safe studio films. Instead, Aronofsky has continued to chart his own course as an artist by following up Black Swan with two films that seemed specifically designed to challenge audiences and annoy the complacent.

With Noah, Aronofsky dared to suggest that God’s mistake with the Great Flood was to allow anyone to survive at all. Then, he followed up Noah with 2017’s mother!, which was a film that practically dared confused and alienated audience members to stand up and walk out. And walk out they did. mother! was one of the few films to score an F on Cinemascore. I mean, typically, a bad movie will at least get a C. You have to really piss off the audience to get that F rating. Watching mother!, it’s obvious that pissing off the audience was a part of the film’s design.

Paramount Picture advertised mother! as being a horror film and, to a certain extent, it is. Jennifer Lawrence plays the Mother. She lives in a beautiful house with a poet named Him (Javier Bardem). Him spends a lot of time talking about how much he loves the Mother but it quickly becomes apparent that he’s rather self-absorbed. People are constantly showing up at the house to speak to and eventually worship Him and he continually lets them, regardless of how difficult it makes things for the Mother. The Mother is reduced to begging people not to make a mess but no one listens to her. As the crows gets bigger, fights break out. There are sounds of war and explosions rock the Mother’s meticulously cared-for home.. Him can only smile and shrug while his visitors trash the house. The more the Mother complains, the more cruelly she’s treated by the crowds.

Among those who show up are the Man (Ed Harris) and the Woman (Michelle Pfeiffer). They have two teenage sons who have developed a dangerous rivalry. Him seems to be very concerned with them but the Mother just wants them all to leave. Once they finally do leave, Him is inspired to write his greatest work which, of course, just leads to more people showing up. It’s a dangerous cycle….

I could actually relate to what the Mother was going through. I tend to be a little bit on the neat side, which is a polite way of saying that I’m obsessed with keeping the house clean and tidy. Nothing annoys me more than when a stranger comes in and drags dirt or leaves or whatever across a freshly vacuumed carpet. When Jennifer Lawrence was reduced to begging people to just make the most basic effort towards not messing up the house, I totally sympathized with her. Jennifer Lawrence yells so much in this movie that she actually starts to lose her voice in a few scenes. I could relate.

Of course, Jennifer Lawrence is not just playing a homeowner who doesn’t want her house to get trashed. And Bardem isn’t just playing a poet. As you probably already guessed, Bardem is God and Jennifer Lawrence is the Earth and Ed Harris and Michelle Pfieffer are a surprisingly old version of Adam and Eve. The entire film is a biblical allegory and it all gets a bit heavy-handed. Aronofsky has said that the film was a result of “anger and anguish” but it’s obvious that all of that anger and anguish prevented him from considering that mother! would have worked better as a 15-minute short film than a two-hour epic. It doesn’t take long to figure out what’s going on and the film occasionally gets almost embarrassingly obvious in its attempt to push it metaphor. Aronofsky, at times, seems to think that his film is more enigmatic than it actually is.

Still, despite the fact that the film goes on for way too long and is never quite as much of a mindscrew as Aronofsky seems to think that it is, you have to admire not only the courage of Aaronofsky but also the dedication of Jennifer Lawrence. This film was not the first high profile Jennifer Lawrence film to not be a hit with audiences (Passengers wasn’t exactly beloved) but it is the one that’s most often cited whenever anyone writes an article about why Jennifer Lawrence’s star is a bit dimmer today than it was back in the days of The Hunger Games. Undoubtedly, some people did go to the film expecting to see a “typical” Jennifer Lawrence film, just to suddenly be confronted with Javier Bardem ripping her heart out of her chest. But, at the same time, you have to appreciate a star who is willing to take a chance and that’s what Lawrence did her, lending her star power to a project that was thoroughly out of the mainstream. Both Aronofsky and Jennifer Lawrence took a chance with mother! and, even if the film is not quite the triumph that some viewers may want it to be, you still respect them for having done so.