With this video, Miley Cyrus lets the world know that she doesn’t need Liam Hemsworth to have fun. Or, at least, that seems to be the most popular interpretation online. Myself, whenever I see a Miley Cyrus video, I remember how, whenever The Soup did a segment on her, the producer would yell, “It’s Miley!”
That was good fun.
Enjoy!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
The Cast of One World
On January 6th, 2001, One World aired not only the finale of their third season but also the final episode of the series. All stories and shows must come to an end and we have reached the end of One World. For one last time, here’s the One World theme song.
Does anyone else find it weird that the show never bothered to update their opening credits, despite the fact that Brandon Baker hit a major growth spurt and cut his hair after the first season? Seriously, it just seems incredibly lazy.
Episode 3.13 “Hitting on a Guy”
(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on January 6th, 2001)
Dave and Karen have been named the Foster Parents of the Year! Marci decides to throw a big party for them at …. can you guess where? …. Miami’s “hottest under 21 club,” The Warehouse! Unfortunately, the kitchen crew refuses to work for the party because they haven’t been paid for the week. (Why would Marci, who is just the assistant manager, have to deal with payroll? Where’s The Warehouse’s owner?) Fortunately, the entire family decides that they’ll do the cooking themselves. But …. IT’S THEIR PARTY!? Who cooks at their own party!? What type of party is this?
Meanwhile, Jane is dating a nice guy named Ralph but he reminds her of her former foster brother, who was also named Ralph and who was abusive. Because she’s thinking about the Bad Ralph, she beats up the Good Ralph. Jane comes to terms with her anger and apologizes to the Good Ralph. Good Ralph says thanks and then runs off.
Having lost Good Ralph, Jane still shows up at the Warehouse party and gives a speech about how thankful she is for the Blakes. Dave rewards her by giving her a piece of Cake and that’s how the series ends.
And I have to admit that I was a little bit moved by all of the Blake kids giving their testimonials, though I honestly doubt I’ll remember anything about any of them a week from now. I was also surprised that the show did not end with Karen giving birth. I imagine that any other TNBC show would have. In the end, One World ended with a lot of unanswered questions. Will Ben ever find success as a musician? Will St. Neal ever get into college? Will Sui ever make the Olympic team? How long until Maci gets fired from her job at the Warehouse? Will Cray ever come to terms with having a black grandfather? (Seriously, that whole episode was weird.) Will Jane ever find a stylist who understands how to make her hair look good? Sadly, these questions will never be answered.
One World is a show that attempted to bring some edge to the TNBC brand. Occasionally, it came close to succeeding. Usually, it was a bit too much like California Dreams with juvenile delinquents instead of a rock band. One of the huge problems with the show was that the Blakes themselves had very little chemistry. Watching the actors perform opposite each other, it was hard to believe they even knew each other’s names, let alone lived together. Alisa Reyes and Michelle Krusiec (who played Marci and Sui) were the strongest performers on the show but they were rarely given enough to do.
Staring next week, I’ll be reviewing something new in this time slot. Until then, we’re all living in one world!
RIP, Lisa Marie Presley. The daughter Elvis and the mother of Riley Keough passed away yesterday at the age of 54.
In this video, she sings about the vultures in the tabloid press that she had to deal with for most of her life. Dirty Laundry was originally written by Don Henley. Lisa Marie covered it on her album, Now What?
Lyrics:
I make my living off the Evening News
Just give me somethin’, somethin’ I can use
People love it when you lose, they love dirty laundry
Well, I could’ve been an actor but I wound up here
I just have to look good, I don’t have to be clear
Come and whisper in my ear, give us dirty laundry
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em all around
We got the bubble headed bleach blonde who comes on at five
She can tell you ’bout the plane crash with a gleam in her eye
It’s interesting when people die, give us dirty laundry
Can we film the operation? Is the head dead yet?
You know the boys in the newsroom got a running bet
Get the widow on the set! We need dirty laundry
You don’t really need to find out what’s goin’ on
You don’t really want to know just how far it’s gone
Just leave well enough alone, eat your dirty laundry
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re stiff, kick ’em all around
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re stiff, kick ’em all around
Dirty little secrets, dirty little lies
We got our dirty little fingers in everybody’s pie
We love to cut you down to size, we love dirty laundry
We can do “The Innuendo,” we can dance and sing
When it’s said and done we haven’t told you a thing
We all know that crap is king, give us dirty laundry
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
Smart and streetwise!
Episode 3.13 “Down and Out in Soho”
(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 30th, 1999)
So, I guess the reality show is still a thing. This episode begins with Ms. Nobel telling the Gang that she’s spoken to the show’s producer and she thinks it would be a good idea for them to do a community service project. I find myself asking this every review but seriously …. how is this any of Ms. Nobel’s business? Is Ms. Nobel a producer on Reality House now?
Anyway, the community service project involves hanging out with a bunch of Romanian immigrants. This leads to a lot of scenes featuring the immigrants speaking in broken English and thick accents while the audiences laughs it up. For a show that was supposedly all about celebrating diversity, City Guys certainly did enjoy poking fun at people with thick accents.
When Dawn comes across Euri, one of the Romanians, sleeping on the streets, she invites him to come live at the loft. Jamal warns that the guy could be a thief but he’s outvoted by his loftmates. Euri moves into the Loft and promptly steals a computer. At first, Dawn is disillusioned and swears she’ll never help another immigrant. Fortunately, Jamal and Dawn then run into Euri at a coffeehouse and he explains that his name is actually Joey and he’s from New Jersey. Upon discovering that she was robbed by an American instead of a Romanian, Dawn feels a lot better.
In the B-plot, Cassidy starts a folk act with L-Train and Chris and pretends to be a bad singer so that Chris and L-Train will quit the group. But if Cassidy wanted to be a solo act, why was she working with L-Train and Chris in the first place?
It was a bit of a confusing episode. Apparently, everyone is watching the reality show but no one recognizes Chris or Jamal when they’re in public. And we never actually see a camera crew filming the group. If the Loft is full of cameras, wouldn’t they have captured Euri/Joey stealing the computer?
Hopefully, this next episode will make more sense….
Episode 3.14 “When Al Met Dawn”
(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 6th, 1999)
“After two months of Reality House,” Cassidy says as the episode begins, “the best part is that you really get to know your roommates.”
“The worst part,” Jamal says, “is you really get to know your roommate.”
Actually, for the past two and a half seasons, the characters on this show have exclusively hung out with each other, to the extent that it almost seems like they’re in a Ms. Nobel-centered cult. It also seems like they should already know each other.
Speaking of getting to know each other, Dawn and Al are working on a science project together and they end up falling for each other and you know what? They’re actually a cute couple. However, Dawn is worried about the pressure of pursuing a relationship while on a reality TV show. “I mean, look at Gwyneth Paltrow and Ben Affleck!” she says, “Their relationship was killed because no one would leave them alone!”
Wow, Ben and his love life have been pop culture reference points for a while now.
(By the way, Dawn and Al’s science project is a big bulky television mounted on the handlebars of a bicycle. The idea is that you can watch TV while pedaling but it seems like it would just cause more accidents than anything else.)
Since Dawn and Al are keeping things a secret, L-Train sets Al up on a date with another girl. When the girl kisses Al, Dawns sees them and freaks out. At the science fair, Dawn humiliates Al by accusing him of cheating. Ms. Nobel, who has nothing better to do, tells Dawn that it was actually all her fault for trying to keep things a secret. (Ms. Nobel isn’t wrong but again, why does Ms. Nobel have to get involved in everything?) Dawn hijacks that Manny High radio station and asks Al to meet her at their favorite coffeehouse. Of course, everyone else from the reality show and the school all show up at the coffeehouse so that they can watch Al and Dawn get back together. It’s kind of cringey but, again, they’re a cute couple.
Meanwhile, Chris and Jamal are in love with the building’s new superintendent. So, the Loft is actually in a real building as opposed to just being a Big Brother-style set? I’m starting to think this show is not a realistic look at reality television.
It’s a little early in the year to hit the beach but …. hey, why not?
Enjoy!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
It’s Valentine’s Day on The Love Boat!
Episode 1.20 “Memories of You / Computerman / Parlez Vous?”
(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 13th, 1978)
It’s time for the annual Valentine’s Day cruise! On Valentine’s Day, only singles are allowed to board the Love Boat. Everyone, even the members of the crew, wears a heart-shaped nametag. Julie has decided to liven things up by hiring Nick Heider (Frankie Avalon), who claims that his computer can decide who is compatible and who isn’t. Captain Stubing is hoping that the computer will set him up with someone because apparently, Stubing is tired of being single. To be honest, that really doesn’t make much sense. When you’re the captain of the ship, you’re going to get laid on Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t matter if you’re bald, middle-aged, and take yourself a little bit too seriously. A captain has power and power is an aphrodisiac.
Nick turns out to be kind of sleazy, with his wide collars and his unbuttoned shirts. Nick also has a crush on Julie and he wants her to take part in his compatibility survey. Julie says that she doesn’t believe that computer can decide who is compatible. If Julie doesn’t believe in Nick and his computer, why did she hire him for the cruise?
As you can probably guess, Nick fills out a survey for Julie anyway. The computer pairs them together and Julie and Nick actually do fall in love, though I have a feeling we will never again see or hear about Nick after this episode. Meanwhile, Captain Stubing is told that the computer can’t find any matches for him. The Captain is pretty depressed until all of the computer-selected couples start fighting. I would think that people taking a dislike to each other would be a problem on Valentine’s Day cruise but whatever. The computer fails and Stubing smiles smugly.
While this is going on, Gopher is recruited to act as a translator for two French women (Barbi Benton, Susan Silo) who are on the cruise. Gopher’s French turns out to be really bad but fear not. It turns out that the French women are actually Americans and they speak perfect English. They’re just pretending to be French in order to attract wealthy men. Jamie Farr and Danny Dayton nearly fall for the scam but then Gopher hears the women speaking English and he exposes them. Of course, despite ruining their scam, Gopher still gets a (temporary) girlfriend out of it when Brigitte (played by Barbi Benton) turns out to be very forgiving.
Finally, Doc thinks that he’s found his soulmate for the cruise when he spots jingle writer Lilly Mackin (Patty Duke). However, Lilly can’t stop looking at another passenger named Ted (Ricky Nelson). Lilly swears that Ted looks just like Alex, her former partner who mysteriously vanished. Doc suggests that Ted might be suffering from stress-related amnesia. Fortunately, Ted falls in love with Lilly and, after she kisses him, he starts to slowly remember bits of his past life as Alex. That’s the power of Valentine’s Day on The Love Boat!
I loved this episode. I took French in high school and college and I used to be really pretentious about it so I definitely related to Brigitte and Yvonne. And the amnesia story was just intriguing enough to hold my attention. Finally, I could help but laugh at how impressed everyone was with Nick and his match-making computer. There was nothing that Nick said that sounded different from what we currently hear in Match.com and EHarmony commercials. That said, I agree with Julie. Romance should be spontaneous and unpredictable, not pre-programmed.
The Valentine’s Day cruise was success! Will the success continue? We’ll find out next week!
Today’s music video of the day comes to us yet again from the nation of a fourth of my ancestry, Italy! I have no idea what the song is about but who cares? It’s Italy!
Enjoy!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
Fantasy Island has a desert? Read on to find out more.
Episode 2.4 “Best Seller/The Tomb”
(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on October 14th, 1978)
Fantasy Island can be a strange place.
Just consider the fantasy of Neville Marlowe (Barry Sullivan). Marlowe is an archeologist who has devoted his life to seeking the tomb of a lost Egyptian pharaoh who is believed to have been King Tut’s twin brother. His fantasy is to finally find the tomb and to explore it with his wife (Shelley Fabares) and his associate (David Opatoshu). He wants to do this even though the tomb, if it does exist, is said to be cursed.
Mr. Roarke informs Marlowe that he’s in luck. There’s an archeological dig currently taking place on the island and there’s a good chance that it might finally lead to the discovery of the tomb….
Now, this brings up some interesting issues. First off, the dig is taking place in the desert. Since when has Fantasy Island, a tropical paradise, had a desert? Secondly, even if you accept that idea that Fantasy Island is home to a large desert, why exactly would it also be home to the tomb of an Egyptian pharaoh? Though the show always kept it a bit vague as to just where exactly the island was located, it’s always been suggested that it’s near Hawaii. The actual natives of the island (as opposed to Mr. Roarke and Tattoo) all appear to be Polynesian. When the guests get off the plane at the start of each episode, they’re given a lei and a tropical drink. My point is that there’s never been anything about the show that would suggest that Fantasy Island is anywhere near Egypt. Certainly, it’s possible that an Egyptian ship may have landed at Fantasy Island at some point in the past, just as it’s possible that ancient Egyptians also landed in South America. But still, there’s no reason why a pharaoh would be buried on Fantasy Island as opposed to along the banks of the Nile.
It makes no sense but, for whatever reason, the tomb is indeed on Fantasy Island. Entering the tomb leads to Marlowe’s wife having several nightmares about being wrapped up like a mummy. It’s nicely creepy but it doesn’t lead to anything. Because Marlowe decides to send the artifacts to Egypt as opposed to sending them to a British museum. he is spared the curse.
Meanwhile, Barney Hunter (Desi Arnaz, Jr.) is a bookstore clerk who suffers from crippling shyness. His fantasy is to be a best selling author so Mr. Roarke informs him that he is now the author of the world’s most popular book about sex and, as a result, hundreds of his fans are coming to the island to meet him. The problem with that, of course, is that Barney is a virgin. So, you have to wonder why Mr. Roarke would make Barney the world’s leading expert on sex when he doesn’t know anything about it. My guess is that Mr. Roarke thought it would be funny but it’s actually kind of mean-spirited. Anyway, Barney meets Angela (Maureen McCormick), who is also a virgin. They fall in love but Angela’s mother (Gloria DeHaven) refuses to allow Angela to see a man who has written a “filthy book.” Again, it’s hard not to feel that Roarke is having a little fun at Barney’s expense. Fortunately, things work out in the end and that’s good. Arnaz and McCormick were a cute couple.
Finally, Tattoo entered a jingle contest and won! Unfortunately, it turned out that first prize was a trip to Fantasy Island. Mr. Roarke had a good laugh about that one and I have to admit that I did too. Fantasy Island just has a way of sweeping you up in all of its silliness.
Since today’s music video of the day is the latest video from The Weeknd, I guess now would be an appropriate time for me to make a confession.
For years, I misspelled The Weeknd’s name. I spelled his name with three e’s instead of two. I think I even did it on this site a few times. No one ever called me out for it, which seems like a good thing as long as you don’t give it too much thought. But seriously, one reason why I haven’t shared any other videos from The Weeknd is because I’ve always been kind of embarrassed by the fact that it took me so long to realize that there were only two e’s in his stage name.
Anyway, that’s my confession and I feel better now! As for the video …. eh. It’s kind of creepy. Watching it, I found myself thinking about 80s De Palma. I also found myself thinking about Daniel Craig saying, “It’s the Weeknd,” on Saturday Night Live. Did Craig know that his introduction would become a meme? And, even more importantly, did he know how to spell the Weeknd’s name?
Enjoy!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
The Tornadoes go to California! But first, we have to sit through some crap about Vince and his brother….
Episode 3.9 “Not a D’Amata”
(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 11th, 1997)
It turns out that Vince has a bother named Nick (played by Michael Sullivan’s real-life brother, Billy). Where has Nick been over the past season and a half? He has been in Paris, at music school. When he returns from France, Vince is shocked to discover that Nick has gone from being just like Vince to being someone who wears a beret, speaks fluent French, and writes poetry! Vince is so upset that Nick has switched from being one stereotype to another, he rejects his brother. Fortunately, Michael points out that not everyone is a three-point shooter and not everyone is a …. well, he uses a lot of basketball terms. The important thing is that Vince accepts the new Nick.
(If this episode were made today, it would be about Nick coming out and Vince struggling to accept it. But, since this episode is from 1997, it’s instead about Vince freaking out over Nick wearing a beret.)
While this is going on, Mary Beth and Kristy throw a fund raiser for the library. Apparently, they’re going to raise money by having Coach Fuller throw balls through a basket. Unfortunately, Fuller keeps missing his shots. It looks the library is going to be closed! Fortunately, a real basketball player named Gary Payton shows up and goads Fuller into regaining his confidence. Not being a fan of the game, this whole storyline was weird to me. I just know the audience went crazy whenever anyone threw a basketball.
Episode 3.10 “Kristy’s Other Mother”
(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 11th, 1997)
This episode opens with a shot of the Beverly Hills Hotel….
Wait a minute? Isn’t this show set in Indiana?
Well, it turns out that the Tornadoes have been invited to compete in a tournament in Los Angeles and, for some reason, they’re saying at a luxury hotel in Beverly Hills. (Remember when Mary Beth spent a thousand dollars on sports bags and was told that she had spent all the money the team had in its annual budget? I imagine flying to California and getting rooms for the entire team at a luxury hotel costs a bit more than a thousand dollars.) Strangely, Kristy accompanies the team to Los Angeles but none of the other cheerleaders come with her. If you’re already wasting all that money on a hotel in Beverly Hills, why not bring the entire school? Seriously, if you’re going to get fired for fiscal incompetence, you might as well go all out.
(How much school are the Tornadoes skipping to go to this tournament?)
It turns out that Kristy has a reason beyond cheerleading to go to California. She wants to meet her birth mother, who turns to be a fabulously wealthy actress who is starring in a movie with Harrison Ford. (No, Harrison Ford does not make an appearance.) Kristy’s mom is like, “Move to California!” but Kristy ultimately decides that she prefers Indiana. Considering what lay head for California, Kristy made the right decision. That said, Kristy’s decision still doesn’t make much sense. What teenager is going to choose small town Indiana over a chance to live with a movie star in Beverly Hills?
Meanwhile, Vince, Danny, and Michael appear on a dating game show that’s being filmed at the hotel. Vince wins a date with a girl other than Mary Beth. Needless to say, Mary Beth is not amused. Wisely, Vince gives her a lot of presents.
This was a pretty silly and fairly mawkish episode but at least the hotel looked nice. This episode was directed by Don Barnhart, who directed several episodes of Saved By The Bell and California Dreams. It also ends with the Tornadoes still in California so I’m guessing this L.A. tournament thing is going to last for a few more episodes. We’ll find out if I’m right next week!
