Seriously, it’s amazing what you can come across on the YouTube when you’re searching for a music video of the day. This single appeared on an album called I Just Want To Hear The Words. Apparently, this was one of several albums that the actor Danny Aiello released during his lifetime. As a singer, Danny Aiello sounds …. well, he sounds exactly how you would expect an old school New York crooner to sound. Considering that most of his roles involved him doing a lot of bellowing, Aiello had a rather pleasant singing voice.
With the Oscars coming up, I should mention that Danny Aiello was nominated for Best Supporting Actor for his role in Spike Lee’s Do The Right Thing. He also appeared as one of the Rosato Brothers in The Godfather Part II. Reportedly, Aiello improvised the line, “Michael Corleone says hello!”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
Time for this again.
Episode 4.4 “Presumed Innocent”
(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 30th, 2000)
Jamal is convinced that Louis (Mike Bowman), a student who we’ve never seen before, is a skinhead. Louis has a shaved head and appears to have a bunch of new tattoos on his neck and hiding under his short-sleeved shirts. Jamal also says Louis was super aggressive the one time that they played basketball. “He was always trying to foul a brother hard,” Jamal says, “If it looks like a duck and talks like a duck and walks like a duck,,,,”
Later, in class. Jamal tosses aside a backpack and claims the chair that in which it was sitting. That backpack belonged to Louis and, in Louis’s opinion, so did the chair. Louis proceeds to call Jamal a …. JERK! That’s right. He used the word “jerk.” I considered whether or not to give everyone a trigger warning before revealing what Luke said but I decided to take the risk and just reveal what Louis said, as ugly as it may be. Now, in Manny High, calling someone a “jerk” is obviously the worst thing that you can do. Ms. Noble is able to prevent Louis and Jamal from getting into a fight in the classroom but later, Jamal discovers that someone has spray-painted “JERK” on his locker. Jamal immediately accuses Louis, telling him, “You’ve messed with the wrong brother.”
Louis laughs and says, “At least now you’ll always be able to find your locker.”
Bad move, Louis! Jamal throws the first punch, Louis throws the second, and then Ms. Noble finally runs up and shouts, “Stop …. or you’ll have to fight me!” Realizing that neither one of them has the skills necessary to defeat a middle-aged high school principal, Jamal and Louis stop fighting. When Jamal says that Louis tagged his locker, Louis replies that Jamal doesn’t have any proof. “This ain’t Judge Judy!” Jamal replies.
Inspired, Ms. Noble decides to have a mock trial so the students can decide whether or not Louis defaced Jamal’s locker. (And to think, some principals would have just punished both of them for fighting in the hallway.) Chris represents Jamal while Cassidy and Dawn are assigned to defend Louis. Ms. Noble serves as the judge and the other students serve as the jury and are probably bored to death. I mean, seriously, this is a lot drama over a locker that’s been defaced with one of the mildest insults known to man.
(Add to that, this was already done in that episode of Saved By The Bell where Ms. Bliss’s tacky sweater got paint on it and Screech was put on trial.)
When Chris turns out to be a terrible lawyer, Jamal resorts to sending Al to get proof that Louis is a skinhead. Al returns with a picture of Louis at a bus stop with several other bald people. When Jamal (having fired Chris) enters the photos into evidence, even Ms. Noble looks like she’s ready to sentence Louis to life imprisonment. Louis explains that all of the people in the photos have cancer, “like me.” And he also reveals that his tattoos aren’t skinhead tattoos. They’re marks that are used to guide the radiation. Louis gets mad and walks out of the classroom.
“Case dismissed,” Ms. Noble says, which doesn’t really make any sense because Louis could have still defaced Jamal’s locker while also having cancer. The two things are not mutually exclusive.
“I can’t believe I judged Lou by how he looked,” Jamal says, “I mean, me, a brother!”
Chris and Jamal go to the cancer clinic and apologize to Louis. We never find out who wrote “Jerk” on Jamal’s locker.
Actually, this isn’t a terrible episode. Mike Bowman (who, as far as I know, is not related to me) did a pretty good job as Louis and the show’s message was ultimately a worthy one. There was even a slightly funny B-plot about Al and L-Train trying not to use any slang on their radio show. City Guys is definitely not my favorite show to review but this episode was okay.
Episode 4.5 “The Third Wheel”
(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 7th, 2000)
Al’s birthday is coming up and Dawn wants to celebrate it without L-Train coming along. However, when Al tries to tell L-Train that he’s not invited to celebrate his birthday with him and Dawn, L-Train mishears and thinks that Al is complaining about Dawn being clingy. Al gets upset. “I have to choose between my best friend and my girlfriend.” Al, are you really so stupid as to not know that you spend your birthday with your girlfriend? Apparently so. Anyway, Dawn and L-Train realize that Al is too stupid to choose between them so they collaborate on the party, which is a pretty simple solution. You have to wonder why it took so long for them to come up with that.
Meanwhile, Chris and Jamal want to put on a horror-themed radio show and, of course, Cassidy and Ms. Noble decided to get involved. Doesn’t Ms. Noble have a wedding to plan?
This episode was dumb and I don’t want to waste any more time on it.
This is probably the most energetic song about a crash that’s ever been written. Of course, the song is actually about a relationship that’s a lot like a car crash. The important thing is that Gwen Stefani’s a natural-born star, even when she’s dressed like someone who just broke out of prison. This is a fun song to sing and dance along too. Just don’t drive while listening to it, for obvious reasons.
This song was written by Linda Perry, who writes songs for everyone. She probably wrote a song while you were reading this post. Ariana Grande will probably record it next week and everyone will describe it as being “her most personal song yet!”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
Come aboard!
Episode 2.4 “The Man Who Loved Women / A Different Girl / Oh, My Aching Brother”
(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on September 30th, 1978)
This week’s cruise is all about deception …. and love!
For instance, Joe (Marty Ingels) and Harold Nash (Sonny Bono) are two brothers who thrive on deception. Harold specializes in pretending to get injured. Joe specializes in threatening to sue until the brothers get paid off. Apparently, it’s a scheme that works well for them, though Joe seems to be a lot more enthusiastic about it than Harold. In fact, Harold seems to be a nice guy who mostly just wants to enjoy the cruise and flirt with another passenger, Rita (Judy Landers). Still, Joe insists that Harold pretend to hurt his back so Harold takes a dramatic fall on the shuffleboard course.
Of course, the crew can spot a fake injury from miles away. For once, Doc Bricker actually does his job and announces that, despite all of his yelling and groaning, there does not appear to be anything wrong with Harold’s back. Still, if Harold goes through the entire cruise without walking, the Pacific Princess will probably pay a settlement. Joe’s happy about that. Harold’s unhappy because he wants to get up and walk over to Rita’s cabin. In the end, it is Harold’s love for Rita that defeats the scheme. When he sees Rita actually trip and take a fall, Harold can’t stop himself from jumping out of his wheelchair to help her. Awwwwwww!
This storyline was dumb but kind of sweet. Sonny Bono was not a particularly good actor but there was something rather genuine about his chemistry with Judy Landers.
Meanwhile, the Captain Stubing’s godson, Dave Stanton (Grant Goodeve), is taking the cruise with his wife, Laura (Bess Armstrong). Though they’ve been married for two years, they are only now getting to take their honeymoon. (Dave was in the army and Laura was caring for her terminally ill mother.) During the trip, they discover that they’ve both changed over the past two years. Laura’s more independent now. Plus, she had an affair while Dave was gone. Dave gets pretty upset but Captain Stubing asks Dave if he can really say that he’s never cheated on Laura. Dave admits that he cheated on her too. Now that they know that they’re both cheaters, Dave and Laura’s marriage is strong than ever!
This storyline was defeated by the fact that neither Dave nor Laura were particularly sympathetic characters. At one point, Dave actually says that his cheating was different from Laura’s cheating because he’s a guy and she’s a woman. AGCK! Probably the most interesting part of this story is that it gave Stubing a chance to talk about why his own marriage fell apart. This show has often hinted that there is a lot of darkness and trauma in Stubing’s past and Gavin MacLeod always brings a lot of sincerity to the scenes where the captain admits that he has regrets.
Finally, Charlotte (Cathryn Damon), Bonnie (Jo Ann Pflug), and Anita (Brett Sommers) are three divorcees who take the cruise together. All three of them end up meeting a man. Charlotte meets a man named Alvin, who she decides to call him by his middle name, “Cornelius.” Bonnie meets a man who she calls Vinny. Anita meets a man who she calls by his last name, “McNair.” What they don’t know is that all of them have met the same man, Alvin Cornelius McNair (David Doyle). Alvin goes out with all three of the women but he starts to feel guilty when he realizes that they’re all cabinmates. However, Charlotte, Bonnie, and Anita tell him that it doesn’t matter to them because Alvin was always honest with them and didn’t try to manipulate any of them. Awwwww! I liked this story. Damon, Pflug, and Sommers were believable as old friends and Doyle was likable as Alvin.
This was actually a pretty enjoyable episode. It may not have been perfect but it was a pleasant trip.
I’ve always liked this song, perhaps even more so than The Wallflowers’s best known song, One Headlight. Jakob Dylan (who certainly has the talent necessary to be worthy of being known as something more than just “Bob’s son”) was inspired to write this song by a homeless man who he used to see on 6th Avenue. One day, the homeless man was gone but all of his possessions were still sitting on the sidewalk. As the days passed, the man’s possessions disappeared one-by-one. Jakob considers this to be the first true song that he ever wrote.
This music video, which features the band walking around New York City and 6th Avenue, was directed by David Fincher, who you may have heard of.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, Fantasy Island is invaded by Nazis and Angels!
Episode 2.3 “Charlie’s Cherubs/Stalag 3”
(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on December 9th, 1978)
Today’s episode begins with Mr. Roarke noticing that Tattoo is carrying a calculator with him.
“What is that, Tattoo?” he asks.
“A mini-computer,” Tattoo replies, “My cousin Igor sent it to me. Computers can take away a lot of guess work.”
Mr. Roarke, obviously thinking that these “computer” things are but a mere fad, replies, “So can bikinis. Let us meet our guests.”
This week, all of the guests have dangerous fantasies. For instance, Danny Ryan (Cornel Wilde) is a World War II veteran who has never really been able to make it in the post-War world. So, he invites three fellow vets to return with him to the French town in which they spent 1944. During the War, they were POWS at Stalag 3 but they were famous for continually outsmarting Commandant Horst Von Stern (Nehemiah Persoff). In fact, Von Stern’s career and reputation never really recovered from the time that Danny and his friends escaped. (I imagine that, after the war, Von Stern’s reputation was also damaged by the fact that he was a freaking Nazi commandant.) Not only has Mr. Roarke arranged for the old French village — complete with Fifi of the Resistance (played by Yvonne DeCarlo) — to be moved to Fantasy Island but he also brought over the old POW camp. Unfortunately, Von Stern decides to come over as well and get his revenge by tossing Danny and friends back in the camp.
“You see,” Von Stern announces, “generals have fantasies too.”
What the Hell is going on with this Island? Does Mr. Roarke just give anyone a fantasy, even a Nazi war criminal? Actually, it appears that Mr. Roarke doesn’t know that Von Stern has come to the Island nor does he know that there is a treasure of stolen diamonds hidden in the village. Apparently, Roarke decided to just let this fantasy run on autopilot without actually bothering to check in with what was going on.
Both Mr. Roarke and Tattoo are more concerned with the three secretaries (Melinda Naud, Brenda Benet, and Bond Gideon) who want to be Charlie’s Angels and solve a crime. The crime involves a theft on Fantasy Island and …. well, it’s really not much of a mystery. It’s basically a 20-minutes episode of Charlie’s Angels, with a bit less action but a lot more scenes of people saying stuff like, “He knows about electronics so he’s the thief!” It was really a weak fantasy, which is a shame because, if I ever went to Fantasy Island, I would probably want to be a detective as well!
The show ends with Von Stern being sent to Germany to be put on trial for war crimes and the Angels saying that they’re ready to be secretaries again. Roarke informs them that most angels fantasize about being secretaries. Uhmmm, Mr. Roarke …. the proper term is administrative professional. Everything appears to be wrapped up but, as the show ends, Tattoo announces that someone has stolen his mini-computer and Mr. Roarke laughs at his assistant’s misfortune. Perhaps Tattoo losing his most prized possession was Roarke’s fantasy.
This was a weird episode. Mr. Roarke might need to pay closer attention to what’s happening on his island!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
Season 3 comes to an end as the Tornadoes play in the state championship and Coach Fuller is faced with a big decision about his future. It’s hang time!
Episode 3.25 “The Curfew”
(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 6th, 1997)
The Deering Tornadoes are in the championship tournament! After they arrive at Indiana University or the University of Indiana or Gary Community College or wherever it is that they’re playing, Coach Fuller tells them that they’re under curfew. However, Teddy sneaks out to a sorority party and then the rest of the team sneaks out to bring him back. Then Fuller shows up at the party, looking for his team. Since no one on this show can just do the simple thing and admit to having screwed up, the boys dress up like sorority girls and Julie dresses up like a frat boy and they attempt to sneak back to the dorms. Everyone but Teddy shows up before curfew. When Fuller finds out what happened, he benches Teddy. Even when a player gets injured, Fuller sends in some guy we’ve never seen before and keeps Teddy on the bench. What’s funny is that the player Fuller does send in pauses to dramatically glare at Teddy as he heads out to the court. I wonder if he’s related to the guy from the Fake ID episode, the one who snapped, “I don’t want to let the team down!” when Fuller asked him if he could play despite being injured.
Even though he’s not on the court, Teddy still helps the team by joining the cheerleaders and cheering them on to victory.
This is stupid and the next episode is a lot more interesting. Let’s move on.
Episode 3.26 “Fuller’s Big Offer”
(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 6th, 1997)
The Deering High Tornadoes have a chance to win the state championship but they’re struggling. “The Tornadoes are self-destructing!” the in-game announcer says. Their heads are not in the game!
Well, who can blame them? Coach Fuller has been offered a chance to become the head coach at Southern Florida University. The team is convinced that Fuller is going to leave them after the season ends but, in a rousing locker room speech, he tells them that they can’t worry about what’s going to happen in the future. They have to concentrate on the here and now. Inspired by his words, the Tornadoes take the court and win the championship! Of course, Julie scores the winning point because Julie was the greatest player in the history of basketball. And, of course, the Tornadoes only win by a point because the Tornadoes almost always only won by one point. It just seems like a truly great time wouldn’t always have to come from behind and win by a point.
At the dinner to celebrate the championship, I can’t help but notice that Fuller and all of the starters are there but the rest of the team is nowhere to be seen. It’s hard not to feel bad for the members of the team who never got names or storylines. Not only do they have to spend all of the games sitting on the bench but they also aren’t allowed to attend the championship dinner. Fuller toasts his starters and announces that “All good things must come to an end.” Awww, he’s leaving. Then, Fuller says that he can’t wait to win another championship with the Tornadoes! Yay! He’s not leaving! The season ends with a jubilant team surrounding their coach.
Except, of course, Fuller did leave. Season 4 opened with Fuller in Florida and a new coach in Indiana. We’ll get to that next week.
So, what happened with the finale? Apparently, Reggie Theus left the show because he was offered a real-life coaching job but the offer wasn’t made until after this episode had been filmed. Here’s what I think happened. I can’t prove this but my theory is that the ski lodge and basketball camp episodes were meant to be the final episodes of the season. I think the championship episode was probably supposed to happen before all of that. (The ski lodge episode was taking place during everyone’s vacation, which indicates to me that it was supposed to be happening during the summer break. The whole basketball camp also seems like something that would happen during the summer as opposed to the middle of the school year.) But, when Theus announced he was taking a coaching job, the episodes were rearranged so the season now ended with Fuller getting offered a coaching job. Though the video on YouTube ends with Fuller announcing that he’s going to stay, several commenters say that they can remember that, when the show was originally aired, it ended with Fuller saying, “All good things must come to an end.” That indicates to me that the episode was hastily edited to try to create a cliffhanger, just in case Reggie Theus decided that coaching wasn’t for him.
Regardless of what may or may not have happened behind-the-scenes, this was a strong season ender. In fact, it would have been a perfect way to end the series. After three seasons, it would make sense that most of the characters would be graduating from Deering. (And indeed, Reggie Theus was not the only cast member to depart after season 3.) The show would have ended with everyone together one last time before moving on to even better things. It would have been poignant and sad and it would have have brought tears from even this cynical reviewer.
However, that was not to be. Instead, the show would continue with Julie and Mary Beth somehow still students at Deering High and a new coach stepping into Coach Fuller’s shoes. Next week, we start season 4!
I’ve often said that my musical tastes run the gamut from early EDM to slightly later EDM. That’s another way of saying that I’m not really a huge country music fan. But I am a big San Antonio fan and this music video pays tribute to that wonderful city.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1974’s The Day The Earth Moved! It can be viewed on YouTube!
Sitting in the middle of the Nevada desert, there’s a town called Bates.
Bates was once a thriving community but the years and the hot Nevada winds have not been kind to it. Now, it consists of only a few buildings and a speed trap. Judge Tom Backsler (William Windom) is the most powerful man in this tiny community and he’s determined to return Bates to its former glory. His plan is to open up a Christmas park and to remake Bates as “Santa Claus’s home away from the North Pole.” In order to raise the money for that project, he and the police run an aggressive speed trap. When pilot and photographer Steve Barker (Jackie Cooper) is caught in the speed trap, it turns out that he doesn’t have enough money to pay his fine. So, his car is impounded and he’s put to work, sweeping up the dust and helping to get the Christmas park ready to open.
With the help of friendly little townsgirl, Steve is finally able to escape from Bates and return to his job. He works with his wife, Kate (Stella Stevens), and his best friend, Harley (Cleavon Little), as surveyors. When someone wants to buy a stretch of the Nevada desert, Steve and Harley fly over the land and take pictures. Looking over the latest batch of pictures, Steve deduces that not only is there going to be an earthquake but it’s going to destroy the town of Bates! Can Steve return to the town that once held him prisoner and convince the townspeople to leave with him before disaster hits!?
In many ways, The Day The Earth Moved is a standard made-for-TV disaster flick. Only Steve and Kate realize what’s about to happen and they struggle to get anyone else to believe them. Indeed, it seems like the world is almost conspiring to keep them from warning everyone about the incoming earthquake. The film’s story checks off all of the expected disaster movie plot points. That said, the town of Bates itself — with its gigantic Santa Claus standing in the middle of the desert — is a nicely surreal location and the repeated shots of a deserted farm being gradually destroyed by minor tremors achieve a certain ominous grandeur. Jackie Cooper and Stella Stevens are believable as a husband and wife who love each other despite the fact that they’re often very annoyed with each other. To the film’s credit, William Windom’s character is not portrayed as being a cardboard villain but instead as someone who simply wants to give his neighbors some place decent to live. The Day The Earth Moved is predictable but well-done.
Of course, the main reason anyone will have to watch this film will be for the earthquake. Unfortunately, this is where viewers will run into a common problem that has afflicted many made-for-TV movies. The low-budget earthquake is just not that impressive. For all the scenes of people yelling, it’s always pretty obvious that the camera is doing most of the shaking. But you know what? It’s a made-for-TV movie from 1974. Cut it some slack and just go with it.
