Retro Television Reviews: T and T 2.13 “Hunted”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, someone takes a contract out on T.S. Turner’s life!

Episode 2.13 “Hunted”

(Dir by Richard Oleksiak, originally aired on February 6th, 1989)

Someone has hired a hitman to take out T.S. Turner!

Fortunately, Hickson (Timothy Webber) is not a very good hitman and he somehow fails to shoot Turner despite having a high-powered rifle and, during the initial attempt on Turner’s life, the advantage of surprise.  (Technically, he misses because T.S. moved to get a parking ticket off of his car’s windshield at the exact moment that Hickson fires his rile but still, it’s not like T.S. is a small target.  The hitman just isn’t that good at his job.)

Despite the fact that someone has just tried to kill him, Turner doesn’t want to go to the police.  This actually makes sense when you consider that Turner spent years in prison for a crime that he didn’t commit.  He has every reason to distrust the police.  He has personally experienced how they can screw up a case.  That said, Amy decides to go to the police on her own.  This leads to Detective Deakin (Matt Birmin) being assigned to keep Turner from leaving Decker’s Gym.

Turner is not happy about this and actually, it turns out that Turner’s instincts are correct.  Deakin is the man who hired the hitman!  It turns out that Deakin’s younger sister was an innocent bystander who was injured during a high-speed chase involving Turner and a bunch of criminals.  Turner may have caught the criminals but Deakin’s sister slipped into a coma and died.  Deakin has spent years obsessing on Turner and he is determined to get his revenge.

What’s interesting that, when Turner finds all of this out, he actually feel very guilty about what happened to Deakin’s sister, to the extent that he doesn’t blame Deakin for wanting him dead.  One thing about action shows like this is that there are always innocent bystanders who witness every car chase or shoot-out but it’s rare that we ever hear about how they were effected by suddenly being exposed to so much violence.  How does the person who witnesses a bad guy being shot just a few feet away from them react?  How does it effect their lives?  Myself, I would totally be freaked out and I would probably have trouble sleeping afterwards.  Often times, shows like this concentrate so much on the action that they ignore the human aspect of it all.  T and T deserves some credit for at least acknowledging that Turner’s actions, even when he’s fighting on the side of the law, have consequences.

That said, Deakin is still technically the bad guy and, when he and Hickson corner Turner in a water treatment plant, Turner points out that, as soon as Hickson shoots Turner, Deakin is going to shoot Hickson to cover up his involvement.  This leads to Hickson turning on Deakin and the two of them end up shooting each other.  Turner survives and hopefully, he’ll be a better drive from now on.

This was a surprisingly good episode.  Matt Birmin gave a good performance as Deakin and the water treatment plant was a properly atmospheric location for a final stand-off.  The second season of T and T has been hit-and-miss but this episode definitely worked.

Music Video of the Day: Come Back To Earth by Mac Miller (2018, dir by Anthony Gaddis and Eric Tilford)


Today would have been Mac Miller’s 32nd birthday so today’s music video of the day is the final one that he released in his lifetime.

Enjoy!

Retro Television Reviews: Poochinski 1.1 “Pilot”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Poochinski, which aired on NBC in 1990.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, we take a look at another one-episode wonder, Poochinski!

Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

(Dir by Will Mackenzie, originally aired on July 9th, 1990)

Detective Stanley Poochinski (Peter Boyle) is a veteran of the mean streets of Chicago.  He’s rude and crude but he’s also a good cop, one who is mentioned as having once caught a mad bomber.  I mean, I guess you have to be good at your job to capture someone who not only knows how to make bombs but who is also mad about it.

Poochinski shows his softer side when he comes across a bunch of teenagers taunting a stray English bulldog.  Poochinski pulls his gun and threatens to kill a 12 year-old.  That may sound extreme but it works!  (The 12 year-old, I should mention, was also holding a switchblade.)  Poochinski adopts the dog and starts to bring it to work with him, much to the consternation of Poochinski’s uptight and ambitious partner, Detective Robert McKay (George Newbern, a talented actor who somehow always seemed to turn up in stuff like this).  McKay dislikes the fact that the dog is flatulent and so is Poochinski.

However, Detective Poochinski is run down by two thieves during a pursuit.  As Poochinski dies, the dog runs over to him.  They stare into each other’s eyes.

Cut to Poochinski’s funeral.  Detective McKay attends with the dog.  After everyone else leaves, the dog starts to talk to McKay in Poochinski’s voice!

That’s right …. Poochinski has been reincarnated as a dog!  Except, of course, the dog was already alive when Poochinski died so I guess it’s not reincarnation.  I guess Poochinski’s soul just entered the dog’s body.  But what about the dog’s soul?  These are the unanswered questions that haunt me.

Probably because this was only a 21-minute episode and didn’t really have much time to spare, McKay quickly accepts that his partner is inhabiting the body of a dog.  McKay adopts the dog and names it Poochinski.  While McKay helps Poochinski come to terms with the fact that he’s now a dog, Poochinski gives McKay advice on how to flirt with the neighbor (Amy Yasbeck).  Working together, they also set out to catch the criminals responsible for Poochinski’s “death.”

Probably the creepiest thing about Poochisnki is that, half the time, the dog is played by a real dog.  But whenever Poochisnki starts talking, the real dog is replace by a terrifying rubber puppet that doesn’t even look like the original dog.  Watching the rubber dog talk, I couldn’t help but be reminded of that scene in Spike Lee’s Summer of Sam when the neighbor’s dog enters David Berkowitz’s house and orders him to “KILL!” while happily wagging its tail.

There was only one episode of Poochinski.  The pilot was not picked up for a series but it was still aired on NBC during the dog days of summer.  It’s easy to see why the pilot did not lead to more shows.  Poochinski says that he only wants to do two things: catch a criminal and lick himself.  He does both in the pilot so there really wasn’t much left for this devil dog to do, other than turn evil and taunt McKay into transforming into the Son of Poochinski.

(That said, I did smile at the fact that the police sergeant’s name was Sgt. Shriver.  But that’s just because I’m a history nerd who has spent way too much time reading about the Kennedy family.)

Some TV shows only need one episode and Poochinski was definitely one of them.

Music Video of the Day: Voices Carry by ‘Til Tuesday (1985, dir by D.J. Webster)


This song is a favorite of mine and I’m a little bit surprised that it’s music video hasn’t already been featured on the Shattered Lens.

This video received a lot of acclaim when it was first released because of the way it incorporated scenes of dialogue with the music and the way it built a compelling story about a woman and her abusive lover around the song.  It’s not just an promo video for a song.  It’s also a story about a toxic relationship and finding the strength to stand up for yourself.

The abusive boyfriend was played by an actor named Cully Holland, who died 6 years after this video was released.  Though the video tells a classic New York story, it was actually filmed at at Dorchester’s Strand Theater, Davio’s Restaurant, and W. Brookline St in Boston.  (Thank you, Wikipedia!)

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.6 “Their Divided Self”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

This week, it’s the worst episode of Monsters yet!

Episode 1.16 “Their Divided Self”

(Dir by Frank De Palma, originally aired on February 25th, 1989)

Bleh.

James (David L. Lander) and Robert Self (Keith MacKechnie) are conjoined twins who found fame as a stand-up comedy team but who now spend all of their time isolated in their mansion and arguing with each other.  They hate one another but they’re literally stuck with each other.  And, since they share the same lungs and heart, they can’t really fight with each other.

James’s girlfriend (Karen Harber) hires Dr. Blackman (Rich Hall) to help the twins but even Dr. Blackman’s years of psychiatric experience can’t seem to convince the twins to stop bickering.  However, when Dr. Blackman says that he wants to write a book about the twins, the twins announce that they resent being exploited and they kill the doctor.  It’s a murder that brings them together as siblings.

The end.

This was a dumb and pointless episode and I’m not going to waste too much time on it.  Making conjoined twins into the episode’s “monster,” just feels wrong on so many levels.  What feels even more wrong is not really doing anything interesting with them.  If you’re villain is going to be borderline offensive, at least find a way to make the character interesting.  There’s probably an interesting story to be found in the idea of two conjoined twins hating but needing each other but this episode is not served well by either its script or its performances.  (Some really shoddy FX doesn’t help either.  From the minute they appear, their big, boxy suit makes it obvious that the two actors are just standing next to each other.)

Hopefully, next week’s episode will be better.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.10 “Kind of a Drag”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

Episode 1.10 “Kind of a Drag”

(Dir by Bernard L. Kowalski, originally aired on December 2nd, 1995)

Someone is putting on a dress and a rubber Richard Nixon mask and attacking drag performers!  After one performer is pulled out of the ocean (“It’s a wig!” a lifeguard shouts after pulling off the performer’s blonde hair), Mitch, Garner, and Ryan are hired to discover what’s going on.

They suspect that the attacker could be Duncan Valentine (Stuart Fratkin), the son of a former sitcom star who is trying to put together a movie about her life.  (His mother’s catchphrase was, “Wait until your father comes home!”)  Needless to say, someone is going to have to go undercover as a drag performer to catch the killer.  Which means that it’s time for Ryan to give Mitch a makeover!

Garner also goes undercover as Whoopi Goldberg but we don’t really get to see much of him in his red dress and wig.

While Mitch is performing a song, the assailant in the Richard Nixon mask shoots him!  No worries.  Mitch is wearing a bullet-proof vest.  What does worry me is that the assailant then heads to the dressing room but no one bothers to call the police or follow him down there.  Are they trying to catch this guy or not?  Instead, everyone gathers around Mitch to make sure that he’s okay.  Eventually, Ryan does say, “Call 911,” but I’m not sure why you would wait so long to do that when there’s a gun-toting maniac in the same building as you.

Anyway, it turns out that Duncan is innocent.  Instead, the assailant is revealed to be a drag performer who is upset that he wasn’t cast as Duncan’s mother in the biopic.

This episode was …. actually, considering that it’s from the 90s, it could have been worse.  Yes, a good deal of the show is taken up with scenes of David Hasselhoff struggling to walk in heels and revealing that no one has ever taught him the right way to sit down while wearing a short skirt.  (Ryan really should have given him some advice as far as that’s concerned.)  And yes, Mitch’s girlfriend did happen walk in on Mitch while he was wearing a dress.  (Fortunately, she’s thrilled to discover that Mitch is getting in touch with his feminine side.)  And yes, the villain did turn out to be a deranged drag performer who apparently believed that he actually was Duncan Valentine’s mother.  However, for the most part, the show did treat the other drag performers with respect and it didn’t attempt to play the attacks on them for laughs.  Mitch, Garner, and Ryan treat them like they would any other clients.  In 1995, that was probably the best anyone could expect.

Next week, the show undergoes the first of many format changes!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: CHiPs 1.10 “Highway Robbery”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Baker meets an old friend and Ponch is nearly commits a crime.

Episode 1.10 “Highway Robbery”

(Dir by Nicholas Colasanto, originally aired on December 1st, 1977)

There’s a man on a motorcycle who is driving up and down the highways of California.  Whenever he comes across a traffic jam, he pulls up to people’s car and snatches whatever he can.  One man loses his wallet and his watch.  A woman has her purse taken.  When Ponch and Baker arrest him, the thief is revealed to be Leo Norrison (David Wilson), an old high school classmate of Baker’s.

Baker and Leo used to play on the school’s football team.  As Baker explains it, Leo was the student that everyone looked up to.  He was “Mr. Most Likely To Succeed.”  However, Leo fell on hard times after high school.  He won a scholarship to play football in college but then he flunked the entrance exam.  He joined the army but ended up losing his temper and striking his captain.  Now, with a dishonorable discharge on his record, Leo is unemployable and bitter.

Baker offers to help Leo out and Leo seems to appreciate the offer.  But, soon enough, Leo is back to stealing purses.  When Baker and Ponch arrest him for a second time, it’s clear that Leo will not be getting any more chances at redemption.

Wow, what a sad story for an episode of CHiPs!  Larry Wilcox can be a bit of a stiff actor but he actually did a really good job in this episode.  Baker couldn’t believe that his high school hero was now a petty criminal and Leo couldn’t believe that Baker had ever looked up to him.  As I watched this episode, I found myself wondering how many of my old high school classmates were now in jail.

Of course, this episode wasn’t all sad.  For instance, there was a rather lengthy scene that centered around a minor accident involving a traveling circus.  One of the circus’s elephants helped to pull a truck over to the side of the road.  Good elephant!

And then there was Ponch’s storyline.  In this episode, Ponch is even more cringey than usual.  He has grown obsessed with a model in an ad for suntan lotion, to the extent that he’s constantly putting on suntan lotion and he has a cut-out of the ad hanging in his locker.  When Ponch learn that the model is a friend of Getraer’s family, Ponch begs Getraer to set him up on a blind date.  Getraer says it’s not a good idea but Ponch insists.  Finally, Getraer relents.

Ponch shows up at the model’s house and discovers that Getraer is already there, having a glass of brandy with the model’s father (James Beach).  They tell Ponch that “Janey” will be right down.  When Janey (Wendy Fredericks) finally does come down to meet her date, Ponch is shocked to discover that …. SHE’S 15!

Getraer mention that Janey looks older in photographs.  Baker and two other officers — Fitz (Lew Saunders) and Grossman (Paul Linke, a future series regular) — step into the living room and start laughing.  Getraer laughs.  Janey’s father laughs.  Janey accepts Ponch’s flowers and then rests her head on his shoulder as the credits role….

So, just to repeat — SHE’S FIFTEEN!

Obviously, Ponch didn’t know that but still, it’s bizarre to see Janey’s father laughing about a 30 year-old showing up at the house to go on a date with his fifteen year-old daughter.  Getraer essentially set Ponch up to potentially commit a felony and everyone thinks its hilarious.  As the end credits rolled, I kept expecting Chris Hansen to step in the room and demand that everyone have a seat and explain what exactly it is they though they were doing.

Weird episode.  The stuff involving Leo was surprisingly well-done for this show.  The stuff with Ponch was truly cringe-inducing.  I mean, even if Janey had been an adult, Ponch’s obsession with her would have been creepy.  In the end, Baker’s friend went to jail and Ponch was thoroughly humiliated.  I guess it all balances out.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 1.18 “Made For Each Other”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, two supporting players get an episode all their own.

Episode 1.18 “Made For Each Other”

(Dir by Rob Cohen, originally aired on March 8th, 1985)

After spending most of the first season as background comedic relief, Detectives Switek (Michael Talbott) and Zito (John Diehl) are at the center of this week’s episode of Miami Vice.

With the Vice Squad trying to make a case against criminal fence John Costeleda (Johnny “Vatos” Hernandez), Switek and Zito recruit two informants — Noogie (Charlie Barnett) and Izzy (Martin Ferrero) — and send them in undercover to get close to Costeleda’s lieutenant, an electronic store owner named “Bonzo” Barry Gold (Mark Linn-Baker).  For once, it’s Zito and Switek who are pushing ethical boundaries to take down the bad guy though, notably, they never get quite as angsty about it as either Crockett or Tubbs.  If Crockett and Tubbs are secretly aware that they’re fighting a losing war against crime, Switek and Zito are a bit more earnest in their outlook.

This episode also takes a look at Switek and Zito’s life outside of Vice.  Zito likes to take care of fish and is something of an eccentric.  Switek is dating Darlene (Ellen Greene), who used to date Zito.  Switek is also a big fan of Elvis, though Darlene has tossed almost all of his Elvis stuff out of the apartment and instead replaced it with pictures of Princess Diana and baby Harry.  (Prince Harry’s father is not seen in any of the pictures.  Neither is the future King Charles III.)  When Zito’s house explodes due to a gas leak, he moves in with Switek and Darlene.  Darlene is not particularly happy about that and, by the end of the episode, Switek has decided that his partner is more important to him than his girlfriend.  As the title says, Switek and Zito are made for each other.

I like the fact that Miami Vice would occasionally allow people other than Crockett and Tubbs to headline an episode.  After all, the show is called Miami Vice and there’s more to the Vice Squad than just Crockett’s houseboat and Tubbs’s fake Jamaican accent.  Michael Talbott and especially John Diehl are both likable in their roles, with Diehl in particular making Zito into the type of strange guy who you can’t help but love.  That said, this episode was a bit too silly for its own good.  It would have been interesting to see Zito and Switek go after the type of criminals that Crockett and Tubbs regularly went after but instead, Costeleda was too much of a buffoon to really be a serious threat.  The emphasis here was on comedy but Miami Vice works better as a serious show with funny moments than as a funny show with serious moments.

It was nice to see that Zito and Switek were made for each other but, otherwise, this episode never worked as well as one might hope.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Degrassi Junior High 2.3 “Great Expectations”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

Finally, after being preempted two weeks in a row, Degrassi Junior High returns!

Episode 2.3 “Great Expectations”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on January 18th, 1988)

There’s a new student at Degrassi Junior High.  Her name is Liz O’Rourke (Cathy Keenan) and she’s not happy to be starting at a new school in a new country.  (Liz formerly went to school in London.)  Liz dismisses the students at Degrassi as being a bunch of “preppy” snobs and Stephanie and the Farrell twins do their best to prove her right by making a bunch of catty comments and making her feel even more like an outsider.  Only Spike and Joey attempt to befriend Liz.  Spike knows how it feels to be an outsider at Degrassi.  As for Joey, he’s desperate to lose his virginity and he’s convinced himself that Liz, because of the way she dresses (even though she doesn’t dress all that differently from anyone else at the school), wants to have sex with him.  When Joey shows up at Liz’s house to work on a school project and then, from out of nowhere, asks to have sex with her, Liz kicks him out.

Oh, this episode broke my heart.  As someone who moved around a lot when she was younger and who frequently had to get used to new schools and as someone who learned early on that teenage boys almost always had one thing on their mind, I knew exactly what Liz was going through.  In true Degrassi style, this episode opened with Liz feeling miserable about starting at a new school and ended with her feeling even more miserable about being at a new school.  One of the many things that set Degrassi apart from and elevated it over other teen shows was that Degrassi rarely ended on an altogether happy note.  The problems that the students dealt with on Degrassi could rarely be solved in just 30 minutes.  Cathy Keenan did a great job capturing Liz’s brief hope that she may have found a new friend and also the crushing heartbreak of discovering that friend was only talking to her because he thought she was “easy.”

For those of us who first discovered the character on Degrassi: The Next Generation, it can be a bit jarring to see the way Joey Jeremiah behaves on Degrassi Junior High.  There’s a big difference between the mature, adult Joey of Degrassi: The Next Generation and the immature and self-centered Joey of Degrassi Junior High.  But I suppose that’s true of most people.  Everyone does foolish things when they’re younger and everyone makes mistakes when they’re immature and unsure of themselves.  As the episode ends, Joey tells Wheels that he actually did like Liz and that he made a huge mistake.  Joey realizes what he did was wrong but that’s not going to make things any easier for Liz, who starts another day of school while feeling more alone than ever.

Things work out a bit better for Arthur and Yick Yu.  Arthur is freaking out because he’s been having wet dreams so Yick encourages Arthur to call Dr. Sally (Sue Johanson), a sex educator who has her own radio show.  Arthur calls and Dr. Sally tells him that his dreams do not make him a pervert.  It’s a pretty simple storyline but an important one as it introduces the character of Dr. Sally, who will be mentioned many times throughout both Degrassi Junior High and Degrassi: The Next Generation.  It’s also an important storyline because of the contrast between how Arthur and Joey handle their questions about sex.  Arthur asks an adult and is lucky enough to get a straight-forward and nonjudgmental answer.  Joey convinces himself that he’s ready for sex when he’s obviously not, freaks out just trying to buy condoms, and then ruins his friendship with Liz.

Finally, Stephanie is once again secretly changing into her trampy clothes at school in an attempt to get Simon to notice her.  However, whenever Stephanie tries to talk to Simon, she gets interrupted by the Alex, the dorky student council treasurer.  Even if Alex didn’t keep showing up, I doubt it would have made a difference.  Simon’s just not that into her.

This was a sad episode but I’m glad I finally reviewed it!  Between taking time off for the holidays and getting ill, I was worried I’d never review Degrassi again!  But, as the theme song says: “In yourself, you must believe.”

Retro Television Review: Thief (dir by William A. Graham)


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1971’s Thief!  It  can be viewed on Tubi and YouTube.

Neal Wilkinson (Richard Crenna) would appear to be living a great life.  He has a nice house in the suburbs.  He has a beautiful girlfriend named Jean Melville (Angie Dickinson).  As he heads into middle-age, he is still fit and handsome and charming.  He dresses well, or at least well by the standards of the early 70s.  (By the standards of today, a few of his ties are a bit too wide.)  Everyone believes that Neal has a nice and comfortable job as an insurance agent.

Of course, the truth is far different.

Neal is a veteran con man and a thief.  He’s just recently been released from prison and his deceptively friendly parole officer (played by the great character actor, Michael Lerner) is convinced that Neal will screw up again eventually.  And, of course, Neal has screwed up.  A gambling addict, he is $30,000 in debt.  Can Neal steal enough jewelry from enough suburban homes to pay off his debt?  Can a man like Neal change his ways?

This is a surprisingly somber made-for-TV movie.  Just from the plot description and the film’s first few minutes, you might expect Thief to be a light-hearted caper film in which Neal and Jean work together to pull off one last heist so that Neal can retire.  Instead, Neal spends almost the entire film lying to Jean and there’s hardly a light moment to be found.  Neal says that he wants to retire from his life of crime but, as the film makes clear, that’s a lie that he’s telling himself.  Neal cannot stop stealing and gambling because he’s as much of an addict as the wild-haired junkie (Michael C. Gwynne) who briefly confronts Neal at the parole office.  At one point, Jean tells Neal, “The more I know you, the less I know you,” but the truth of the matter is that Neal is so deep in denial about the futility of his life that he doesn’t even know himself.

It’s not a particularly happy film.  Richard Crenna is ideally cast as Neal, playing him with enough charm that the viewer can buy that he could talk his way out of being caught in a stranger’s backyard but with also with vulnerability that the viewer can see his fate, even if he can’t.  Thief also provides a rare opportunity to see Cameron Mitchell playing a sympathetic role.  Mitchell is cast as Neal’s attorney, who continually tries to get Neal to stop messing up but who ultimately knows that his attempts to reform Neal are just as futile as Neal’s attempts to go straight.

The movie ends on a surprisingly fatalistic note, one that suggests that there’s only one way to truly escape from a life of crime.  I can only imagine how viewers responded in 1971, when they turned on their television and found themselves watching not a light-hearted caper film but instead a bleak examination of criminal ennui.  It’s not a happy film but it is more than worth watching for Richard Crenna’s lead performance.