We Watched When Sparks Fly (2014, Dir. by Gary Yates)


Growing in the small town of Lakeview, Amy Petersen (Meghan Markle, before she became a part of the Royal Family) helped her family run their fireworks store.  She also fell in love with Hank (Christopher Jacot).  But she left Hank and her family so that she could go to the big city and try to be a big time print journalist.  Now, she’s dating Phil (Lochlyn Munro), who always wears a suit and likes to dine at exclusive French restaurants.

When her editor finds out that Amy is an expert in fireworks, he tells her to go back home for the 4th of July and to write a story about it.  Amy’s family is struggling to keep the fireworks business going and when the town announces that it won’t be able to put on a fireworks show on the 4th, it looks like the business is going to close unless Amy can come up with a way to save the day.  Amy has another reason for returning to Lakeview.  Her best friend Sammie (Kristina Pesic) is getting married and Amy is going to the maid of honor!  The only problem is that Sammie is marrying Hank and, as soon as she sees him, Amy starts to wonder if she made the right decision leaving home.

This is a Hallmark film so you already know everything that is going to happen.  I watched this movie with my sisters and we spent the entire time wondering when they were finally going to get to the fireworks.  It takes nearly the entire movie to reach the 4th and then it ends before the fireworks show even really got going.  I was disappointed.  I really wanted to watch the sky light up.

I know what you really want to know, though.  How was the performance of the Duchess of Sussex?  It’s hard to really Meghan Markle’s performance because Amy isn’t that likable of a character.  It’s hard to really cheer for someone who would ruin their best friend’s wedding just because they dated the groom in high school.  Everyone in the film is very forgiving of Amy, no matter how self-asborbed she is.  Even Phil is strangely unbothered by her being in love with someone else.  Almost the entire film is just Amy and Hank being the two most self-centered people in the world and no one holding it against them.  As for Meghan Markle’s performance, the best description that I can come up with is boring.

I was disappointed with When Sparks Fly.  At least I know that, later tonight, I’ll get to watch a full fireworks show.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.6 “Their Divided Self”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

This week, it’s the worst episode of Monsters yet!

Episode 1.16 “Their Divided Self”

(Dir by Frank De Palma, originally aired on February 25th, 1989)

Bleh.

James (David L. Lander) and Robert Self (Keith MacKechnie) are conjoined twins who found fame as a stand-up comedy team but who now spend all of their time isolated in their mansion and arguing with each other.  They hate one another but they’re literally stuck with each other.  And, since they share the same lungs and heart, they can’t really fight with each other.

James’s girlfriend (Karen Harber) hires Dr. Blackman (Rich Hall) to help the twins but even Dr. Blackman’s years of psychiatric experience can’t seem to convince the twins to stop bickering.  However, when Dr. Blackman says that he wants to write a book about the twins, the twins announce that they resent being exploited and they kill the doctor.  It’s a murder that brings them together as siblings.

The end.

This was a dumb and pointless episode and I’m not going to waste too much time on it.  Making conjoined twins into the episode’s “monster,” just feels wrong on so many levels.  What feels even more wrong is not really doing anything interesting with them.  If you’re villain is going to be borderline offensive, at least find a way to make the character interesting.  There’s probably an interesting story to be found in the idea of two conjoined twins hating but needing each other but this episode is not served well by either its script or its performances.  (Some really shoddy FX doesn’t help either.  From the minute they appear, their big, boxy suit makes it obvious that the two actors are just standing next to each other.)

Hopefully, next week’s episode will be better.