Lifetime Film Review: Abducted in the Everglades (dir by Damian Romay)


It’s Spring Break!

For Carly (Tommi Rose) and her friend, Simone (Nikki Nunziato), that means heading down to Florida so that they can drink, dance, and party on the beach.

For Carly’s mom, Beverly (Tori Spelling), it means staying up all night and worrying about her daughter.

Beverly owns a diner and she’s worked hard to put Carly through college.  Carly appears to be super responsible and she’s got a bright future waiting for her.  She’s going to go to medical school and becoming a doctor.  Compared to Simone, Carly can be a bit naive.  No sooner has she arrived in Florida than she’s accidentally insulted a local named Luke (Joseph Cannon).  Later, when Simone introduces her to the obviously sleazy and tattooed Pete (Nick Flaig), Carly’s first impulse is to ask him what college he goes to.

Pete doesn’t go to college.  Instead, he lives in an isolated Everglades cabin.  That’s where Carly ends up, tied to a chair and blind-folded after an attempt to humiliate her and Simone goes wrong.  Pete, it turns out, is related to Luke.  And a plan to simply embarrass a snobbish college student has instead led to Carly getting abducted and Simone ending up in a coma at a local hospital.

When Beverly attempts to report her daughter missing, the local authorities tell her to calm down.  It’s Spring Break.  College students come down to Florida and forget to check in all the time.  Carly’s probably just drunk somewhere.  “Not my daughter!” Beverly says and soon, she’s in Florida searching.  Helping her out is Ray (Luke Ballard), a hot and rugged local boatman.  Even if Beverly doesn’t find her daughter, it looks like maybe she’s found a new husband!

Advertised as being based on a true story, Abducted In The Everglades tells a familiar Lifetime story.  That said, as I’ve explained in the past, the familiarity is often the point when it comes to Lifetime movies.  One doesn’t necessarily watch a Lifetime movie to be surprised.  Instead, one watches to see how the film will embrace the melodrama.  There’s a comfort to watching a Lifetime movie.  Watching a Lifetime movie is like visiting an old friend who never changes and who always delivers what they’ve promised.

For a lot of viewers, the main appeal of this film will be the chance to see Tori Spelling playing the mother.  Back in the 90s, Spelling almost always played the naive daughter who ended up getting kidnapped (Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?) or the snooty popular girl who upset the wrong person (Death of a Cheerleader).  Now, Spelling is the one worrying about her college-age daughter.  Tori Spelling has never been much of an actress.  She wasn’t particularly good in any of her earlier movies and she’s not particularly believable as a blue collar mom in this film.  But oddly, that’s part of the appeal of Tori Spelling.  It’s not just that she’s a bad actor.  It’s that she’s so spectacularly bad that it becomes fascinating to watch.

The rest of the cast is a bit better, especially Luke Ballard and Nick Flaig.  That said, the real stars here are the Everglades, the cottonmouths, and the alligators.  They all do their bit to bring this Florida film to life.  I should note that Jeff and I spent the first half of our summer vacation in Florida and we absolutely loved it.  It’s a beautiful state.  If Texas ever brings back the state income tax, I know where I’m moving.

Lifetime Film Review: Murder At The Lighthouse (dir by Eric D. Howell)


In Murder at the Lighthouse, Jessica Vickers (Skye Coyne) is trying to escape her abusive husband, Colton (Mark Justice).  She meets up with Rory (Brandon Brooks), an old friend from college who now runs a charter boat service with his brother Anthony (Tyler Noble).  It’s implied that Rory has always had romantic feelings for Jessica and, when she asks him to help her escape from Colton, he agrees to use his boat to take her to Canada.

The only problem is that they sail straight into a storm.  While Colton is murdering Anthony on the mainland, a tidal wave is capsizing the boat.  Rory drowns.  Jessica washes up on a nearby beach where, the next morning, she is found by Adeline (Shelli Manzoline).  Adeline takes Jessica back to the lighthouse that she calls home.  When Jessica wakes up, Adeline explains that the lighthouse is pretty much isolated from the rest of civilization.  The nearest town is a few miles away.  There’s no landline.  There’s no cell reception or WiFi.  There’s just Adeline, the lighthouse, and a goldfish.

At first, Jessica keeps her past a secret from Adeline.  But, when Colton shows up at the lighthouse and asks Adeline if she’s seen Jessica or Rory, Jessica finally breaks down and tells Adeline everything.  Adeline reveals that she is also a victim of abuse and she promises to protect Jessica from Colton.

At first, I was like, “Yay!”  Women have to stand up for other women and I was very much looking forward to Adeline protecting Jessica from Colton in much the same way that Lillian Gish protected the children from Robert Mitchum in Night of the Hunter.  However, as the film progressed, I noticed that there seemed to be something a bit off about Adeline.  I was so happy that she was going to stand up to the vile Colton that it took both me and Jessica a while to notice that she had a possessive streak of her own.  It turns out that Adeline has some secrets as well.

Murder at the Lighthouse is a superior Lifetime film, one that plays with the genre’s conventions and successfully lulls the audience into a false sense of security before tossing a few new twists at them.  Skye Coyne, Mark Justice, and Shelli Manzoline all give strong performances.  Mark Justice is especially intimidating at Colton, a husband who is not just an abuser but also a corrupt cop as well.

What really makes Murder at the Lighthouse stand out, though, is its ominous atmosphere.  From the opening shots with the wind howling in the background to the final confrontation at the lighthouse, Murder at the Lighthouse makes a wonderful use of its isolated and stormy setting.  The lighthouse is a wonderful location and the movie does a good job of keeping Jessica and the audience disorientated.  About halfway through the movie, I was truly asking myself, “How is she ever going to find her way out of there?”

Murder at the Lighthouse is a bit of somber film, especially by Lifetime standards.  That said, it keeps you guessing and it ultimately embraces the melodrama in that way that we all love.

Brad reviews THE HANGOVER PART III (2013), directed by Todd Phillips!


In THE HANGOVER PART III, Phil (Bradley Cooper), Stu (Ed Helms), and Doug (Justin Bartha) get back together so they can help Alan (Zach Galifianakis), whose gone off his meds and seems incapable of handling his dad’s sudden death. After a family intervention, the guys are driving him to a rehabilitation facility when their car is forced off the road and out steps the gangster Marshall (John Goodman), assisted by Black Doug (Mike Epps). Marshall kidnaps (white) Doug as leverage to force the guys to bring him their old friend Leslie Chow (Ken Jeong) within three days, or they won’t see Doug alive again. It seems that Chow, who recently escaped from a Thai prison, had stolen $21 million in gold from Marshall, and he’s pissed. The Wolfpack head back to Vegas, and with the help of a few old friends, they do whatever they have to do to save Doug one more time! 

Released in the summer of 2013, THE HANGOVER PART III pulled in around $362 million in worldwide box office against a $103 million budget. While definitely a box office hit, these numbers are a big step down from the prior film’s $586 million, so up to this point, Part III has remained the Wolfpack’s last adventure. While THE HANGOVER PART II was practically a remake of the first film, PART III seems to be going the opposite way and actively tries not to repeat itself. The “what the hell happened last night” plot lines are abandoned for something different, and honestly, that’s probably about the smartest decision the filmmakers could have made for this installment. The film plays more like a darker, R-rated crime comedy, leaning into the action, heist, and confrontation sequences. While the change isn’t entirely successful, I definitely appreciate the attempt to come up with something different.

Even though THE HANGOVER PART III isn’t as funny as the prior films, I still enjoy the chemistry between Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, and Zach Galifianakis as the primary members of the Wolfpack. I also thought it was funny that Justin Bartha’s pack member Doug is once again relegated to the guy who’s not really involved, as he’s the one who’s kidnapped. Ken Jeong’s Mr. Chow, as cartoonish and unhinged as he is, is probably my favorite character in the series at this point. He pretty much steals every scene he’s in. John Goodman is a welcome addition as the intimidating bad guy, and he’s good in the film, but it’s the kind of role he could do in his sleep. I also really liked the fact that PART III returned to the initial setting of Las Vegas, which provides a nice sense of closure to the series, while also allowing for the participation of former characters like Heather Graham’s Jade and her son Tyler! It was nice to check in with them again. 

Ultimately, THE HANGOVER PART III is a pretty good conclusion to the series. It’s certainly not as funny or outrageous as the prior films, but it does deserve some credit for trying something new instead of simply repeating the formula for a third time. And I also thought the final scenes were emotionally effective as they took us for a quick trip down memory lane with the Wolfpack. It felt like the end, and I felt good watching it.

Holidays on the Lens: A Christmas Carol (dir by Edwin L. Marin)


It’s not Christmas without the story of Ebenezer Scrooge and his visit with three ghosts.  There have been numerous film versions of this story.  The one below comes to us from 1938 and stars Reginald Owen in the role of Scrooge.

This version is surprisingly good, considering that it was apparently shot in a hurry.  (The movie hit theaters just a few weeks after filming stopped.)  Originally, Lionel Barrymore was going to play Scrooge but he had to drop out due to ill-health.  Reginald Owen stepped in and gave a good performance as the famous miser.

(Barrymore himself would more or less play Scrooge a little less than ten years later in Frank Capra’s It’s A Wonderful Life.)

Holidays On The Lens: Christmas Twister (dir by Peter Sullivan)


The 2012 film Christmas Twister tells the story of what happens when several twisters hit North Texas on Christmas Day.  For a film taking place in the DFW area (a region that is called the flatlands for a reason), there’s a surprisingly large amount of mountains around.

I mean check out the road leading to Fort Worth:

Check out the town of Gransbury!

Guess which movie was definitely not filmed in Texas!

That said, Casper Van Dien manfully drives across the city, saving his children from the tornado and encouraging folks to stay inside. Plus, the film features a perfect shot that shows that the filmmakers did understand at least one thing about Texas:

Hell yeah!  The flag of Texas and some other country!

Enjoy Christmas Twister:

Song of the Day: Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum


Apparently, when Norman Greenbaum wrote today’s song of the day, he wasn’t quite writing a parody but, at the same time, he wasn’t being totally serious either.  Greenbaum wrote the song after watching a gospel performance on television and thinking, “Yeah, I could do that.”  By his own recollection, it took him 15 minutes to come up with the lyrics for Spirit In The Sky.

Originally, he was going to perform the song with a jug band.  (Yikes!)  He also tried to do a folk version.  (Double yikes!)  Fortunately, he ultimately went for the hard rock sound that made the song a legend.

Brad reviews THE COWBOY WAY (1994), starring Woody Harrelson and Kiefer Sutherland!


Happy 59th birthday, Kiefer Sutherland!

Sutherland portrayed my favorite TV character of all time, when he spent 8 seasons playing Jack Bauer in my favorite TV series of all time, 24. Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant) gave him a solid run for his money when I got around to watching the JUSTIFIED series a few years back, but I still believe Bauer edges him out. Another of my favorite shows when I was growing up was CHEERS. And a big reason for that is Woody Harrelson. CHEERS ran from 1982-1993, so when it started I was nine and when it ended I was twenty. I literally grew up on the show. I thought Harrelson’s portrayal of the dim-witted, but lovable and sweet character, Woody Boyd, was so funny. I remember being happy when he started making movies and had some solid success. I’ve always enjoyed THE COWBOY WAY, the film that teamed up Harrelson and Sutherland, so I decided to revisit the 1994 action-comedy on Kiefer’s special day. 

IN THE COWBOY WAY, Woody Harrelson plays the somewhat dim-witted and overwhelmingly carefree Pepper Lewis, while Kiefer Sutherland plays the more responsible and extremely serious Sonny Gilstrap, two lifelong friends and rodeo champions from New Mexico. The story kicks off when their long-time friend Nacho Salazar (Joaquin Martinez) disappears after going to New York City to pick up his daughter Teresa (Cara Buono), who has been smuggled into the U.S. from Cuba. Pepper and Sonny decide to head to the big city themselves to track down Nacho, and soon find themselves taking on the murderous human trafficker, John Stark (Dylan McDermott), who murdered Nacho and is forcing his daughter to work in a sweatshop. With only their country boy common sense (well at least Sonny’s), their exceptional rodeo skills, and the help of an empathetic NY cop ((Ernie Hudson), Pepper and Sonny will do whatever it takes to find out what happened to Nacho and save his daughter from a life of modern day slavery.

THE COWBOY WAY is silly and unrealistic at times, with shifts in tone that will make your head spin, but I still love it anyway. This type of action-comedy was commonplace in the 80’s and 90’s, but you don’t see movies like this much anymore. I’ll admit that my personal nostalgia, as well as my lifelong appreciation of Sutherland and Harrelson, plays into my enjoyment of the film. It’s a movie that leans into the once popular formula of outsiders from the country being looked down upon by city slickers, and then proving themselves to be more than capable. Think CROCODILE DUNDEE, but without the romance. This is the kind of movie that is trying its best to give us a good time for our box office dollars. Many in Hollywood have forgotten how to entertain, and it’s such a breath of fresh air to watch movies that exist solely for that purpose, even when they’re not perfect. 

As is often the case for me, the cast of THE COWBOY WAY plays a big factor in my enjoyment of the movie. Woody Harrelson is certainly over the top as the irresponsible New Mexico cowboy, but he’s also funny at times and more than capable of handling the action scenes. Kiefer Sutherland’s cowboy is the exact opposite, he’s serious, extremely responsible, and very capable. If nothing else, he needs Harrelson’s character in his life to help him remove the stick from his ass at times! Ultimately, it’s their relationship and banter that carries the film for me. Dylan McDermott is good as the sleazy villain, but if you’ve seen many 80’s and 90’s action movies, he’s pretty much exactly what you’d expect. As a fan of spaghetti westerns, I also enjoyed seeing the genre stalwart Tomas Milian pop up as McDermott’s soon-to-be ex-boss. It’s not a big role but this movie buff appreciated it. Finally, Ernie Hudson is just so likable as the kind-hearted and helpful horse-mounted cop. I like to think that he and Kiefer’s character kept a John McClane / Sgt. Al Powell type relationship going after the events of the movie.

Ultimately, in my opinion, THE COWBOY WAY may not be a great movie by critical standards, but it is a fun movie. If you’re in the mood for 90’s era action-comedy, featuring a great cast, fun stunts (e.g. men on horseback taking on New York City traffic), and a little Travis Tritt on the soundtrack, then you’ll probably have a good time with this one. 

Holidays On The Lens: Santa Who? (dir by William Dear)


Oh no!  Santa Claus has amnesia!

That’s the premise behind this 2000 Christmas movie, which features Leslie Nielsen as the amnesiac Santa.  Having fallen out of his sleigh, Santa finds himself in Los Angeles.  When a reporter (Steven Eckholdt) comes across Santa, he does a story about him.  Santa becomes a mini-celebrity and gets a job as a department store version of himself.  While his elves search for him, Santa struggles to recover his memory.

It’s a cute little made-for-TV movie.  Leslie Nielsen as Santa?  Who could resist that?