The Curse of Dumbrowskis”

Posted on April 24, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Get ready for a very odd cruise!

Episode 4.13 “Isaac’s Teacher/Seal of Approval/The Curse of the Dumbrowskis”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on January 10th, 1981)

This is a weird episode.

Harriet (Florence Henderson) boards the ship with her husband, Harold Rogers (Jeffrey Tambor). Now, the idea of Florence Henderson and Jeffrey Tambor as a married couple may sound strange but it’s even stranger when you actually see it. Henderson and Tambor have absolutely zero chemistry together. Tambor looks more like Henderson’s no-good stepson than her husband.

Harriet is convinced that she is destined to die at an early age so she continually pressures Harold to find a woman that he can marry after she’s gone. In fact, Harriet thinks that maybe Harold could marry another passenger on the boat, Cindy (Christina Hart). Harold is getting frustrated with the pressure that Harriet is putting on him to find a new lover. Doc Bricker suggests that maybe Harold should make Harriet jealous by cheating on her with Cindy. What? I mean, I’m not surprised that Doc would make that suggestion but it is a bit odd that the show itself seems to think that this is a good idea. Harold goes along with the idea because, even if Harriet doesn’t get jealous, he’ll still get to sleep with Cindy. Wait. What?

Harriet is okay with Harold cheating on her until Harold says that he wants to give her favorite necklace to Cindy. Harriet realizes that she’s not okay with Harold giving her jewelry to his adulterous lover and she decides that she’ll no longer pressure Harold to find a new wife. They leave the ship with their marriage stronger than ever. Doc saves the day!

Meanwhile, Karen (Georgia Engel) boards the boat and immediately falls for Oscar Tilton (Donald O’Connor). Now, as mismatched as Florence Henderson and Jeffrey Tambor are, they seem like soulmates compared to Georgia Engel and Donald O’Connor. For one thing, O’Connor appears to be about 20 years older than Georgia Engel. Secondly, Donald O’Connor’s ebullient style clashes wildly with Georgia Engel’s inability to speak above a whisper.

Oscar is an entertainer who is traveling with his seal, Shirley. When Shirley sees that Oscar and Karen are falling in love, Shirley gets jealous and throws herself overboard. She leaves behind her rubber ball, apparently as a way to taunt Oscar. Oscar is depressed. How can he do his act without Shirley? Karen encourages him by telling him that he doesn’t need the seal to be entertaining. Gopher even helps out by playing the horns that Shirley would have played had she not jumped into the ocean….

I am not making this up.

Anyway, good news all around. Shirley survives jumping into the ocean and swims back to Oscar’s beach house. Shirley shows up when the boat docks in Los Angeles. Oscar tells Shirley that Karen is going to be a part of his life from now on. Shirley claps her fins, indicating that she approves.

NO, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!

All I can say is thank goodness for Lillian Gish. Gish plays Mrs. Williams, who boards the boat with her hulking nephew (Reb Brown). Mrs. Williams is also Isaac’s former teacher. Isaac is insecure about just being a bartender and pretends, with Gopher’s help, to be the ship’s first officer. Captain Stubing is not amused. Isaac tells Mrs. Williams the truth and Mrs. Williams replies that she is proud of Isaac, no matter what he does for a living.

Awwwwwwww!

This was a really simple story but it was sweet. Lillian Gish’s natural class provided a balance to Jeffrey Tambor cheating on Florence Henderson and Donald O’Connor’s seal trying to scare off Georgia Engel. And Ted Lange — seriously, episodes like this remind the viewer of how lucky The Love Boat was to have him. Yes, everyone knows that pointing thing that he does. But Lange also played Isaac as being a genuinely nice guy. I don’t drink but if I did, I would want Isaac to be my bartender.

Again, this episode was weird but at least it gave Lillian Gish and Ted Lange a chance to shine.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.1 “Terror of the Deep”

Posted on April 23, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on You tube!

Tonight, we start the second season of Baywatch Nights! It’s like an entirely new show!

Episode 2.1 “Terror Of The Deep”

(Dir by Gregory J. Bonnan, originally aired on September 29th, 1996)

The second season begins with a few changes.

The open titles are now dark and atmospheric, featuring David Hasselhoff walking through the fog. Lou Rawls’s theme song has been replaced by a creepy but very danceable instrumental track.

Mitch, Ryan, Eddie, and Donna are all back but Garner is no longer listed in the opening credit. Nor is he mentioned in tonight’s episode. Instead, Mitch’s new best friend is a world traveler named Diamont Teague (Dorian Gregory). Diamont is an expert on the paranormal. He believes that the truth is out there. Donna spots Diamont walking along the pier and immediately mentions how mysterious is.

No mention of Mitch being a private detective is made during the second season premiere. Instead, this episode open with Mitch doing lifeguard things. He rescues a woman who is discovered floating in the ocean. The woman screams in terror after she’s resuscitated. Diamont thinks that the woman might be a survivor of a freighter that sunk a few days previously. Diamont also thinks that the freighter was taken down by a tentacled monster that lives in the ocean.

Largely to prove his friend wrong, Mitch recruits Eddie and Ryan to help him track down and explore the freighter. While Ryan remains on their boat and stays in communication via radio, Eddie and Mitch dive into the ocean and explore the freighter. Guess what? Diamont was right! There is a tentacled monster living inside the freighter and now, it’s after Eddie and Mitch!

With this episode, Baywatch Nights totally changed directions, going from being a detective show to a somewhat goofy rip-off of The X-Files. For the most part, the second season of Baywatch Nights was a lot of fun but you wouldn’t necessarily know it from this episode. Terror of the Deep takes place almost entirely underwater, with Mitch and Eddie spending most of their time in wet suits that make it very difficult to figure out which one is which. The underwater scenes are also rather darkly lit, which I assume was done to both create atmosphere and also disguise the fact that the tentacled monster wasn’t really that impressive. However, the scenes are often so dark that it becomes difficult to tell what is actually happening on screen. This was an episode with a simple plot that often felt incoherent because I was never quite sure where Mitch and Eddie were in the freighter or if they were even still together.

This episode also overlooks the fact that one of the best things about the first season was the playful chemistry between David Hasselhoff and Angie Harmon. Instead, we get Mitch swimming with Eddie while Ryan stays on board the boat and is reduced to saying, “Copy that,” over and over again. This episode really did end up feeling like a lost opportunity.

But no worries! The rest of the second season is going to be a lot of fun. For instance, next week, Mitch faces off against a killer mermaid! It should be entertaining.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.22 “Hard Knocks/Lady Godiva”

Posted on April 23, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion.

Welcome to Fantasy Island, where Mr. Roarke does whatever he wants.

Episode 4.22 “Hard Knocks/Lady Godiva”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on May 9th, 1981)

Sheila Godfrey (Michelle Phillips) comes to Fantasy Island with a simple fantasy, one that Mr. Roarke manages to totally screw up.

Sheila grew up in Montana and loves horses. Because she was often ill while she was growing up, she was often not allowed to ride as much as she would have liked. Now, she wants to be the world’s most famous female equestrian. To me, this seems like a pretty simple and straight-forward request. Sheila is asking to be famous for riding a horse.

Roarke, however, decides that Sheila’s fantasy is that she wants to be the most famous female equestrian in history. And, in Roarke’s opinion, that means that Sheila wants to be Lady Godiva. Now, setting aside the idea that Mr. Roarke is suddenly such a stickler for detail that he’s forcing Sheila to go with a literal translation of her fantasy (which is something that no other guest has ever had to deal with), is Lady Godiva truly the most famous female equestrian ever? Katharine Hepburn used to ride horses. Belle Starr used to ride horses. Joan of Arc rode a horse on occasion. What about Annie Oakley?

But let’s accept that Sheila’s fantasy is to become Lady Godiva. Roarke doesn’t even do that! Instead, he gives her a magic horse named Lancelot, which Sheila rides into medieval England. And, in the past, Lancelot turns into a donkey and Sheila is promptly arrested for poaching on a nobleman’s land. Sheila ends up a servant to Lady Godiva (Gunilla Hutton), who is being imprisoned in her own castle for criticizing the taxes that her husband, Leo (Ken Berry, who is very much not British), has placed on the people living on his land. When Leo says that he’ll release his wife and lower the taxes but only if she’ll agree to humiliate herself by riding her horse naked, Godiva agrees. However, before the ride, she is given a magic potion that knocks her out.

It falls to Sheila to disguise herself as Godiva and take the famous ride. The servants respect her decision and turn their back as she rides by on a horse. Well, one guy does take a look and gets yelled at as a result. “You’ll always be known as Peeping Tom!”

Sheila returns to the present and is somehow not upset about the fact that she really didn’t get her fantasy. (Not only did she not get the fantasy she asked for but she didn’t even get the fantasy that Roarke claimed she was asking for. I mean, even if we accept that Sheila’s fantasy was to be Lady Godiva, that didn’t happen. Instead, she became a servant who pretended to be Lady Godiva.) Roarke agrees to send her Lancelot and also informs her that handsome Sir John Apensdale (Patrick Wayne), who Sheila fell in love with while in the past, was actually a Montana rancher who was having a fantasy of his own. And he’ll be happy to teach Sheila how to ride!

Meanwhile, Steve Pryor (Philip Levian) comes to the Island with the fantasy of being a hard-boiled detective. Roarke gives Steve his fantasy and even provides him with a mentor to offer him advice. Who is that mentor? The ghost of Humphrey Bogart (played by Robert Sacchi)! Only Steve can see Bogart, which leads to a lot of scenes of people wondering why Steve is talking to himself.

The case involves delivering a package, picking up a key to a safety deposit box, and dealing with a femme fatale (Martha Smith). It’s a pretty simple case, to be honest. But at least Steve gets to hang out with Bogart. And, to give credit where credit is due, Robert Sacchi’s Bogart impersonation was spot-on.

This episode was silly enough to be likable. That said, I do think Sheila could probably sue Mr. Roarke for not actually granting her fantasy. Seriously, I wonder how many lawyers Mr. Roarke kept on retainer.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.1 “Peaks and Valleys”

Posted on April 22, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, the second season begins.

Episode 2.1 “Peaks and Valleys”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on Sept. 16th, 1977)

The second season premiere of CHiPs brings some changes.

Most noticeably, the theme song has been redone and now, instead of being driven by the horn section, it now features a bass-driven disco beat. From the minute the new version of theme song begin, you know that you’re watching a show that was filmed in the heart of the 70s.

Secondly, the second season premiere is considerably less gritty than any of the episodes that aired during the first season. If the first season concerned itself with showing the day-to-day duties of the members of the California Highway Patrol, from the mundane to the occasionally exciting, the second season announces from the start that it’s about fast cars, fast motorcycles, and slow motion crash footage.

Ponch is considerably more competent in this episode than he ever was during the first season. For his part, Getraer no longer seems to dislike Ponch as much as he did just a few months ago. No mention is made of Ponch being on any sort of departmental probation. Now, Ponch is as professional and competent as Jon Baker.

Finally, the California High Patrol now has a new chief mechanic. Harlan Arliss (played by Lou Wagner) is short, sarcastic, and wears a tie along with his white mechanic coat. Arliss is not impressed with the way Baker and Ponch treat their motorcycles, though he seems to reserve most of his ire for Baker. (“Your tire pressure is low!”) Arliss may seem like he is overly critical but he also keeps a really cute dog at the garage.

That said, some things remain the same. As always, Baker finds himself feeling unappreciated. The episode opens with a camper the crashes in slow motion. The driver, Bob Niles (a bearded Troy Donahue), suffers a spinal injury as the result of someone moving him after the accident. Niles can’t remember exactly who moved him and it appears that Baker, Ponch, and the Highway Patrol might get sued.

Then Baker burns his hand saving a man from a burning vehicle. And a little child shoots a toy gun at Baker. And then two rednecks call in a fake emergency so that they can shoot up a police car. Is it any surprise that both Baker and Ponch are tempted to quit the force and take a job selling used cars for Baker’s high school friend, Stan Bosca (Richard Gates)?

Fortunately, Bob does get his memory back and remember that it was a bunch of construction workers who moved him. So, it sucks for those well-intentioned workers (hello, lawsuit!) but at least Baker and Ponch are off the hook. And, after seeing how sleazy the used car business is, Baker and Ponch decide to remain on the force and go disco dancing instead!

Actually, Ponch dances. Baker watches and smile awkwardly. It’s interesting that the majority of the episode is centered around Baker having an existential crisis but it all ends by highlighting Ponch on the dance floor. If nothing else, it proves that the people behind the show understood that Wilcox was the actor while Estrada was the one with the big personality.

I enjoyed this episode. The scenery was nice. The show made good use of slo mo of doom when Niles crashed his vehicle. The dog was cute. And the opening theme song was so catchy that I’m still hearing it hours after watching the show. With this episode, the second season got off to a good start.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.11 “Back In The World”

Posted on April 22, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, an old friend of Sonny’s comes to Miami.

Episode 2.11 “Back In The World”

(Dir by Don Johnson, originally aired on December 6th, 1985)

Directed by Don Johnson himself, Back In The World opens in the closing days of the Vietnam War. A war correspondent named Ira Stone (played by Bob Balaban) has discovered that the bodies of American soldiers are being packed with heroin before being shipped back to the United States. He shares the discovery with his best friend, a young Marine named Sonny Crockett.

Ten years later, Sonny is a member of Miami Vice and laughing as he watches the DEA go all out to arrest two rich kids who have a few pounds on weed on them. Meanwhile, Ira Stone is still a journalist but it’s been a while since he’s had a major byline. Stone has become known for being erratic and paranoid. His own wife (played by Patti D’Arbanville, who was Johnson’s girlfriend at the time this episode was filmed) describes Stone as being a crazed junkie who spends his time chasing imaginary enemies. Sonny discovers just how paranoid Stone has become when Stone approaches him and asks for help in exposing the truth about the heroin trade.

Stone has a lot of theories, the majority of which involve rogue elements of the CIA. Sonny agrees to help Stone investigate a lead but he’s skeptical of Stone’s theories. But then someone launches a mortar attack on Sonny and Stone while they’re talking on a motorboat. “INCOMING!” Stone yells as Sonny steers the boat through a shower of explosions. As out there as Ira Stone may be, he’s obviously made someone uncomfortable.

Could that someone be William Maynard (G. Gordon Liddy, who was one of the Watergate burglars)? Maynard is a former (and maybe current) CIA agent who, in Vietnam, was renowned for his ability to track down and destroy the enemy. Now, Maynard lives in a Miami mansion with his wife (Susan Hatfield) and a mute servant who has a tendency to show up whenever someone needs to be killed. While Crockett and Stone investigate Maynard, Tubbs and Switek (who is dressed as a leather-clad biker for some reason) investigate an exotic drug currier named Dakotah (Iman).

It’s an intriguing story but it ends on a rather conventional note, with Crockett and Tubbs launching an assault on one of Maynard’s mansions in the Everglades. It’s probably not a coincidence that the Everglades are filmed to resemble a Vietnamese jungle. At one point, Crockett nearly shoots in Tubbs by mistake, a stark reminder of the confusion that comes with combat. In the end, Maynard escapes, Stone is seriously wounded, and the heroin trade continues. There aren’t many happy endings to be found in Miami.

This was an uneven but entertaining episode. The use of The Doors on the soundtrack was occasionally effective and occasionally heavy-handed. The opening Vietnam montage was done well but it fell apart as soon as middle-aged and gravelly-voiced Don Johnson showed up as a fresh-faced Marine in his 20s. That said, once the action moved to Miami and the present day, Don Johnson was never less than convincing as a battle-scarred veteran still trying to come to terms with what happened in Vietnam. G. Gordon Liddy was entertaining as Maynard, even if it was obvious that acting was not his main thing. Bob Balaban’s manic intensity (“INCOMING!” “MEDIC!”) made Ira Stone into a fascinating character. A visit by Crockett and Stone to a VA hospital not only leads to an important lead but it also allows the show to discuss the shameful way that America treated (and treats) veterans of unpopular wars. Johnson did a good job directing the episode but it still never quite escaped the shadow of the thematically-similar Bushido.

Incidentally, my father used to have a “G. Gordon Liddy For President” bumper sticker. And I’ve got a beat-up copy of Liddy’s autobiography, one that I purchased from Recycled Books in Denton a few years ago. After watching this week’s episode, I think I’ll give it a read.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 3.1 “Can’t Live With ‘Em: Part One”

Posted on April 21, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989! The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, the third season of Degrassi Junior High beings with tragedy!

Episode 3.1 “Can’t Live With ‘Em: Part One”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on November 28th, 1988)

This is one of the most important episodes in the history of the Degrassi franchise. Along with starting the show’s third season, this is the episode that sees the beginning on the long and tragic decline of Derek “Wheels” Wheeler. If you’re a fan of Degrassi: The Next Generation and you’ve always wondered how Wheels eventually ended up becoming a suicidal ex-con who is treated like a pariah by his former friend Snake, this episode is where it all began.

There’s actually a lot going on in this episode, though it’s the Wheels storyline that dominates. With the start of a new school year, everyone at Degrassi is eager to catch up after the summer break. Among the new developments:

Stephanie is no longer a Degrassi student and is instead going to private school. Her brother Arthur and his best friend Yick Yu both apparently hit a growth spurt over the summer. (Yick, in particular, is suddenly surprisingly tall for his age.) Yick notices that Arthur seems to be dressing better and that he’s also taken to reading the business section of the newspaper. Arthur insists that he’s not secretly rich, which is not something you say unless you actually are secretly rich.

Yick and Arthur also play a prank on new 7th grader, Bartholomew Bond (Trevor Cummings), first locking him in the janitor’s closet and then, after letting him out, directing the poor kid to the wrong homeroom. It’s the same joke that Joey played on Arthur, way back in the first episode. The only difference is that Yick and Arthur feel bad about it afterwards.

Having been held back, Joey is repeating the 8th Grade. “Hey,” he asks Snake, “what do you think about Caitlin?” Snake replies that Caitlin is not Joey’s type. Of course, fans of Degrassi: The Next Generation know that Joey and Caitlin are destined to spend the next 20 years falling in and out and back in love with each other.

Spike is back at school. This episode features the first appearance — albeit in polaroid form — of baby Emma. Shane tries to approach Spike, saying that he wants to meet his daughter. Spike tells him to stay away. (Apparently, Shane’s parents sent him to summer camp to keep him away from Spike and Emma.)

With Stephanie gone, both Kathleen Mead and Nancy Kramer (Arlene Lott) are running for president of the student council.

The 9th Graders are spending half the day at Degrassi Junior High and half at Borden High. Lucy notices a cute high school guy and smiles at him, even though the guy’s friend dismisses her as being a “minor niner.”

Ultimately, though, this episode is dominated by Wheels and his family. Wheels wants to hang out with Joey. His parents tells him that they think Joey is a bad influence. His parents don’t care that Joey, Wheels, and Snake have their own band and are working on a demo tape of their only song.

“Parents,” Snake says, “can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em.”

Wheels replies that he would be happy to live without them.

Well, Wheels is going to get his wish. When his parents go to the movies, Wheels sneaks out and goes to Joey’s house. He, Joey, and Snake record their demo tape. Wheels then heads home and is stunned to see a police car sitting outside of his house.

They called the cops? Wheels wonders.

No, they’re dead. The police have accompanied Wheels’s grandmother so that she can tell him that his parents were killed by a drunk driver who ran a red light. The end credits roll over a freeze frame of a stunned Wheels being hugged by his grandmother.

OH MY GOD! I mean, seriously, who would have guessed that Wheels’s parents would die right at the same time that Wheels was saying he was sick of dealing with them? As tragic as all that is, it’s even worse if you know what waits for Wheels in the future.

This episode of Degrassi Junior High did everything that a season premiere should. It reintroduced us to the characters and set up the season’s main storyline, the downfall of Wheels. This was classic Degrassi. Next week, things get even worse for Wheels. Poor Wheels.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.3 “Buddy, Can You Spare A Job?”

Posted on April 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Never hire a friend is the lesson of this week’s episode.

Episode 2.3 “Buddy, Can You Spare A Job?”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on October 17th, 1986)

Cobb’s has got a new butcher!

Curt Farquar (Billy Van, who was a prominent horror host in Canada) not only knows how to cut meat but he’s also been Howard’s best friend since childhood. When Curt approaches Howard and explains that his wife has left him and he desperately needs a job, there’s no way that Howard can turn him down. Unfortunately, Curt turns out to be a bit of a bully, yelling at both the customers and his other co-workers. He even yells at Mrs. Cobb. Howard knows that he has to fire Curt but he doesn’t have the guts to do it. He gets Christian to do it and then reverses course as soon as Curt confronts him.

It would be really nice if Check It Out! could decide just who exactly Howard Bannister is meant to be. There are some episodes where Howard is a such a competent manager that other companies try to lure him away. Then there are episodes where he is totally incompetent. There are episodes where he and Edna are practically married and then others where they can barely stand each other. There are episodes where Howard is a sharp-tongued leader who won’t let anyone push him around and then there are ones, like this one, where he has to be coaxed out of his office. Sometimes, Howard is a tyrant. Other times, he’s a wimp. There’s never been any sort of consistency with how Howard has been portrayed and, as a result, I still don’t feel like I know the character.

That’s a problem for an episode like this one, where all of the humor centers around Howard’s inability to take an honest look at his friendship with Curt. The Office did several good episodes that centered around Michael Scott’s toxic friendship with Todd Packer. It was hard not to think about those episodes as I watched Howard fumble his way through Check it Out! On The Office, Michael’s one-way friendship with Packer told the viewer everything they needed to know about Michael. On Check It Out!, Howard’s friendship with Curt tells us nothing because the Howard who we’ve seen in previous episodes of Check It Out! would never have a friend like Curt.

For the record, Howard does eventually work up the courage to fire Curt. And Curt actually thanks Howard for firing him because it gives Curt the time to patch up his marriage. But first, of course, we have to sit through Curt threatening to jump off the roof of Cobb’s, just to teach Howard a lesson about …. something. Who knows?

On the plus side, the always funny Gordon Clapp was heavily featured in this episode. Viker convinced everyone to give him money so that he could send off for everyone’s family tree. Viker discovered that he was descended from an axe-sharpener. Marlene was descended from wolves. Howard was descended from Napoleon, which of course led to Don Adams putting his hand in his suit. And Christian …. Christian didn’t have a family tree because “your cheque bounced.”

(The closed captioning apparently understood that Check It Out! was a Canadian show.)

The Viker stuff was funny, largely because of Gordon Clapp’s ability to deliver the most absurd dialogue with a totally straight face. The Howard/Curt stuff was kind of boring. This was not a memorable episode to check out.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.18 “Angie”

Posted on April 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Gabe gets a new student.

Episode 3.18 “Angie”

(Dir by Alan Myerson, originally aired on January 12th, 1978)

Gabe tells Julie a joke about his Uncle Zoltan. It’s not really that good of a joke but Julie fake laughs as if it’s the funniest thing that she’s ever heard. I notice that this has been happening a lot over the course of Welcome Back, Kotter‘s third season. By most reports, Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman could not stand each other off-camera. That’s especially obvious whenever Strassman deliberately overreacts to one of Kaplan’s jokes. It’s easy to imagine that Strassman was secretly thinking of throwing something at Kaplan whenever she laughed.

At school, Mr. Woodman interrupts Gabe’s class to introduce everyone to a new student, Angie Grabowski (Melonie Haller). Epstein, Washington, Horshack, and Barbarino are very excited to see their new classmate, leading to Woodman ordering them to shut up.

Angie announces that she is thrilled to be in Gabe’s class because her dream has always been to become a Sweathog. Really? I mean, Barbarino’s cute but would anyone really dream of hanging out with Horshack? Of course, it doesn’t matter what Angie wants. Washington and Epstein explain that women are not allowed to become Sweathogs. That kind of contradicts everything that we’ve previously learned about the Sweathogs but whatever.

Determined to prove that she can be a Sweathog, Angie riggs the spinklers in Woodman’s office. Woodman ends up soaked but he also announces that he’s going to expel all of the Sweathogs. Angie demands that he expel her as well. (Angie seems to be a little self-destructive.)

Well, so much for the Sweathogs. I guess the show is over. Thanks for reading these reviews and….

Oh wait! Angie figures out that the fire alarm is broken because it didn’t go off when the sprinklers started up. The fire alarm is Woodman’s responsibility! The Sweathogs — including Angie — dress up as firemen and demonstrate to Woodman that the alarm doesn’t work. Somehow, this leads to Woodman not expelling the Sweathogs and apparently just forgetting about the prank with the sprinklers. It also leads to Angie becoming a Sweathog.

Later, Gabe tells Woodman a joke about Ebenezer Kotter, the cheapest of all his uncles. It takes Woodman a while to figure out the joke but then he laughs in his wonderfully unhinges way. Gabe Kaplan actually had more chemistry with John Sylvester White than he did with Marica Strassman.

This episode attempted to rejuvenate the show by introducing a new Sweathog. That makes sense. A lot of shows have tried to reverse declining ratings by introducing a new character. The problem is that the show doesn’t need a new Sweathog as much as it just needs for the old Sweathogs to return to being the realistic (if flamboyant) troublemakers that they were during the first season. In her first appearance, Melonie Haller delivers her lines in a flat and emotionless manner, which adds to the feeling that Angie might not be quite sane. Seriously, I’m worried about Horshack. It’s obvious that he has a crush on Angie but Angie seems likely to turn into a stalker.

Run, Horshack, run!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 1.26 “Bottle of Dreams”

Posted on April 19, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, season one comes to a close with a trip down nightmare lane.

Episode 1.26 “Bottle of Dreams”

(Dir by Mac Bradden, originally aired on July 25th, 1988)

It’s clip show time!

To be fair, the first season finale of Friday the 13th does come up with a clever way to justify being a clip show. Micki and Ryan get trapped in the vault of Curious Goods with an ancient, Egyptian urn that causes people to confront the memories of their worst fears. Not surprisingly all of Micki and Ryan’s worst fears are connected to the cursed antiques that they’ve spent the past year seeking out and dealing with.

So, once again, we get to see the cursed doll that started the series. We see the weirdo wandering around with his cursed cupid statue. We see the vampire. Oddly enough, we don’t see the pirate ghosts or the gangster who killed Micki’s boyfriend, even though both of those events were very traumatic for Micki. We don’t see the magic pipe that killed Ryan’s father, despite the fact that episode ended with Ryan in tears. We don’t see the newscaster who killed Ryan’s girlfriend or the cursed quilt that nearly caused Ryan to get burned at the stake. In short the clips seem to be a little bit arbitrary and they also all seem to come from early in the season, which leads me to suspect that this episode was put together long before it actually aired.

The cursed urn and the flashbacks are all a part of yet another attempt by Uncle Lewis (R.G. Armstrong) to return to the world of living. Fortunately, Jack’s friend Rashid (Elias Zarou) shows up and helps to push Lewis back into the netherworld. It’s always nice when one of Jack’s associates shows up to help. It creates the feeling that there’s an entire magical underground out there, all dealing with cursed antiques and malevolent spirits. While Ryan and Micki deal with their bad memories, Jack and Rashid are the ones who save the day and it makes for a nice conclusion for the first season. Our heroes may have started out as skeptical amateurs but now they’re a strong team. Micki and Ryan know that they can count on Jack, which is good considering that almost everyone else that that they get close to ends up dead.

The first season of Friday the 13th: The Series was pretty good. The horror was effective. The cast had a lot of chemistry. With a few exceptions, the cursed antiques were all interesting and worked in genuinely clever ways. The show had a sense of humor but it never let it get in the way of mayhem. Even the fact that the show claimed to be set in America even though it was clearly filmed in Canada and filled with Canadian actors only served to increase the dream-like atmosphere.

Will the second season live up to the first? We’ll start to find out next week!

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.5 “Decker’s Ex”

Posted on April 19, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Decker takes the ring.

Episode 3.5 “Decker’s Ex”

(Dir by Ken Girotti, originally aired on February 3rd, 1990)

One night, Beth Knightley (Wendy Lyon, who horror fans will immediately recognize from Prom Night II: Hello Mary Lou) comes home to discover two masked men tearing up her house. They tell her that they are searching for a computer disk that was taken by her deceased husband. They give her 24 hours to find the disk. If she doesn’t comply, she dies. If she goes to the police, she dies. If she tries to leave town …. “you get the idea,” as the main bad guy says.

Having been ordered not to go to the police, Beth instead goes to her ex, who just happens to turn out to be gym owner Decker (David Nerman). Decker asks T.S. to help them out but, when the men show up at the gym, it turns out that Decker doesn’t need any help. Because Turner made the mistake of going to the police and ended up being interrogated by the FBI, it falls to Decker to beat up the bad guys. Decker does just that and he does it rather easily. The Canadian Mob is not sending their best.

(Actually, since this show obviously takes place in Canada, you have to wonder what the FBI was doing north of the border.)

The majority of this episode was taken up with Beth and Decker talking about why their marriage failed. Beth had plans while Decker just had dreams. It really wasn’t anything that I hadn’t heard in a hundred other shows and movies but David Nerman and Wendy Lyon had a likable chemistry and they were convincing as two people who would have once taken a chance on each other. David Nerman was the only member of T and T‘s supporting cast to stick with the series through all three seasons and it’s nice that he was given an episode where he got to be the hero.

(Still, it’s interesting that T.S. apparently didn’t know that Decker was once married, considering that the show previously established them as being lifelong friends.)

Speaking of the show’s supporting cast, this was the second episode of T and T to feature just one T. Again, Kristina Nicoll is featured in the opening credits but the character that she plays, Terri Taler, is neither seen nor mentioned during the show. Just as with last week’s episode, I have to wonder if this was shot before Nicoll was actually hired for the show.

This episode also features no mention of why exactly Amy is no longer working with T.S. The obvious reason for Amy’s absence is that Alex Amini didn’t return for the third season. But, in-universe, it just seems strange that T.S. never mentions her. I mean, T.S. would still be in prison if not for her. Show some appreciation, Turner!