Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the Sweathogs make like difficult for a pregnant woman.

Episode 2.22 “I’m Having Their Baby”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on February 24th, 1977)

At the apartment, Gabe is saying goodbye to Julie because he’s going to a week-long teacher’s convention.  Before he leaves, Gabe tells Julie about his uncle, who worked at the same job for several years without getting a promotion because he wasn’t bright enough.

Meanwhile, at school, the Sweathogs are waiting for their substitute and wondering why Mr. Kotter did not invite Mrs. Kotter to the convention.  Why do they care?  I always made fun of City Guys for the bizarre obsession all of the students had for their principal but the Sweathogs are almost as bad with their obsessing on the Kotter marriage.  Mr. Woodman steps into the room and introduces them to their substitute, Mr. Overly (Frank Corsentino).  Woodman assures Mr. Overly that the Sweathogs are wonderful students.

Later, the Sweathogs are hanging around outside of the school and talking about how Mr. Overly left the classroom in tears.  Julie walks by, carrying a bunch of groceries.  The Sweathogs help her take the groceries to her apartment.  Unaware that Julie hates them and is trying to get them to go home, they all decide to hang out in her living room.  Epstein mentions that all of the Sweathogs’s mothers were pregnant at one time or another.

“Not my mother,” Barbarino replies, “She’s a saint.”  Barbarino goes on to explain that stork “don’t bring babies no more …. they fired the storks.”

Julie tells the Sweathogs, “I am a pregnant woman and pregnant women have cravings.  I’m craving privacy.”

Usually, Julie kind of annoys me but she’s absolutely right here.  GO HOME, SWEATHOGS!  Seriously, Gabe should have called the police the first time they broke in through the fire escape.

The next day, at school, the Sweathogs — with the exception of Barbarino — finally figure out that Julie was mad at them and now, Gabe will be angry at them.  Freddie says that they need to do something to make it up to Julie.  “What would a young expectant mother want?” he wonders.

“A husband!” Epstein says.

“She’s got a husband!”

“A better one!”

Epstein suggests throwing a surprise party …. oh no, this sound like a bad idea….

Woodman then shows up with the new substitute (Ned Wertimer), who says he doesn’t want any trouble and that he has two kids.

“They’re going to miss ya,” Epstein says.

After school, the Sweathogs somehow get into the Kotter apartment, even though Julie is not there.  Sweathogs, this is not a good idea!  Apparently, they’ve decided to clean the apartment for Julie, which leads to Epstein accidentally trashing the place while trying to vacuum and Horshack putting way too much dish soap in the sink.  Soon, there are bubbles everywhere.  Julie comes home to discover the apartment trashed.

“Surprise!” Barbarino shouts.

“What are you guys doing here!?” Julie demands.

“Cleaning up!” Epstein replies.

The Sweathogs apologize and Barbarino actually has a tear in his eye.  (Awwwwww!  BARBARINO!)  Gabe calls and Julie tells him that the Sweathogs are at the apartment.  Freddie takes the phone and says, “Hi there.”  Horshack, who is really annoying in this episode, grabs the phone and yells, “Hello, big buckaroo!”  Julie gets the phone back and assures Gabe that the Sweathogs have been total gentlemen.

Hanging up the phone, Julie thanks the Sweathogs for their good intentions.  The Sweathogs return to school, where they discover that their third substitute (Larry Brooks) is 7’1 and not easily intimidated.

Finally, Woodman stops by the apartment and tells Julie a joke about a woman who goes to the police after a random man tells her that her baby is the ugliest he’s ever seen.  The policeman says, “Lady, calm down.  We’ll make out a report, you’ll have a cup of coffee, and we’ll get a banana for your monkey.”  Julie is not amused but I laughed typing the joke out.  Woodman is so proud of the joke that you can’t help but be happy for him.  You also can’t help but appreciate the gleeful madness that John Sylvester White brought to the role.

I have to say, as someone who really, really likes her space, this episode made me cringe.  It takes a lot to make me feel sorry for Julie but the Sweathogs pulled it off!  As the second season comes to a close (we’ve got the finale next week), it’s hard not to notice that Sweathogs have been progressively been getting more and more cartoonish in their antics.  They were always pretty over-the-top but, during the first season and the first half of the second season, they still came across as being believable teenagers.  When the show started, there was a vulnerability to the Sweathogs, all of whom were basically good kids who had spent their entire life being told they were worthless.  That vulnerability seems to disappear after the Sweathogs got locked in that museum and that’s kind of a shame.

Next week, season 2 comes to an end!