Tag Archives: Retro Television Reviews

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.9 “Sanctuary/My Late Lover”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube, Daily Motion, and a few other sites.

Smiles, everyone, smiles!

Episode 4.9 “Sanctuary/My Late Lover”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on January 3rd, 1981)

This week brings us two fantasies, neither one of which quite works.

Thomas Henshaw (Bobby Sherman) is a man who does not initially appear to be too happy to be on Fantasy Island.  That’s because someone has poisoned him and he only has a day or two to live.  His fantasy is to go the Sanctuary, an exclusive resort for killers, and track down his assassin.  Henshaw has got one clue, a strand of hair that he found on his clothing.  All has to do is find someone who has the same hair.  This would make perfect sense in a world where only one person had light brown hair.  It make less sense in the real world or, for that matter, even on Fantasy Island.

Mr. Roarke gives Thomas Henshaw a serum that will prolong his life for a few days.  Henshaw goes to the Sanctuary, where he immediately finds himself being menaced by Sid Haig!  Sid plays the bad guy’s henchman.  There’s a scene where Thomas attempts to grab a strand of Sid’s hair and instead pulls off his wig.  Sid does not look particularly amused by the whole thing.

Thomas meets and falls for Tessa (Morgan Brittany), who is basically owned by one of the assassins.  Thomas changes his fantasy, telling Mr. Roarke that he just wants Tessa to be free, even if that means that he loses his chance to track down the killer.  Mr. Roarke agrees to the change but no worries.  Thomas still manages to track down his assassin and learn the name of the poison.  (He also snatches a strand of hair off of the bad guy’s head and declares, “It’s the same!”  DNA testing used to be so simple!)  Mr. Roarke and the Fantasy Island cops show up and arrest the killer and also provide an antidote to Thomas.  Thomas lives and leaves the Island with Tessa.

The main problem with this fantasy is that Bobby Sherman was extremely miscast, giving a performance that was so mild that you never once believed he could be at the center of a murder-for-hire scheme.  Michael Cole, who plays one of the assassins, perhaps would have been believable as Thomas Henshaw.  For that matter, if the show’s producers and writers had really been willing to think outside the box, it would have been interesting to see Sid Haig play a sympathetic role on Fantasy Island.  But Bobby Sherman is just too bland for this type of story.

The other fantasy is also, sad to say, a bit bland.  Anastasia Decker (Eva Gabor) is a wealthy widow who is trying to choose between three suitors.  Complicating matters is the ghost of Anastasia’s husband, the charming Dex (Gene Barry).  Dex keeps popping up and pointing out all of the flaws in the men who want to replace him.  Anastasia cannot emotionally move on.  Finally, Anastasia decides she wants to be with Dex so she tries to drive her car over a cliff!  Luckily, Ghost Dex is able to magically stop the car in mid-air and return it to the road.  Anastasia realizes that, of her suitors, nerdy-but-nice Walter (Craig Stevens) is the one who truly loves her and that’s who she leaves the Island with.  Dex returns to the afterlife, happy in the knowledge that Anastasia will be able to move on.

I like it when Fantasy Island deals with the supernatural but this particular fantasy was so bland that not even a tap-dancing ghost could liven things up.  Eva Gabor tried her best but this fantasy was the type of story that the show had already done several times in the past.  Despite effective performances from Gabor, Barry, and Stevens, it was just a bit too familiar to be effective.

Well, this was a disappointing trip to the Island.  Hopefully, the plane will bring something more interesting next week!

 

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: CHiPs 1.10 “Highway Robbery”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Baker meets an old friend and Ponch is nearly commits a crime.

Episode 1.10 “Highway Robbery”

(Dir by Nicholas Colasanto, originally aired on December 1st, 1977)

There’s a man on a motorcycle who is driving up and down the highways of California.  Whenever he comes across a traffic jam, he pulls up to people’s car and snatches whatever he can.  One man loses his wallet and his watch.  A woman has her purse taken.  When Ponch and Baker arrest him, the thief is revealed to be Leo Norrison (David Wilson), an old high school classmate of Baker’s.

Baker and Leo used to play on the school’s football team.  As Baker explains it, Leo was the student that everyone looked up to.  He was “Mr. Most Likely To Succeed.”  However, Leo fell on hard times after high school.  He won a scholarship to play football in college but then he flunked the entrance exam.  He joined the army but ended up losing his temper and striking his captain.  Now, with a dishonorable discharge on his record, Leo is unemployable and bitter.

Baker offers to help Leo out and Leo seems to appreciate the offer.  But, soon enough, Leo is back to stealing purses.  When Baker and Ponch arrest him for a second time, it’s clear that Leo will not be getting any more chances at redemption.

Wow, what a sad story for an episode of CHiPs!  Larry Wilcox can be a bit of a stiff actor but he actually did a really good job in this episode.  Baker couldn’t believe that his high school hero was now a petty criminal and Leo couldn’t believe that Baker had ever looked up to him.  As I watched this episode, I found myself wondering how many of my old high school classmates were now in jail.

Of course, this episode wasn’t all sad.  For instance, there was a rather lengthy scene that centered around a minor accident involving a traveling circus.  One of the circus’s elephants helped to pull a truck over to the side of the road.  Good elephant!

And then there was Ponch’s storyline.  In this episode, Ponch is even more cringey than usual.  He has grown obsessed with a model in an ad for suntan lotion, to the extent that he’s constantly putting on suntan lotion and he has a cut-out of the ad hanging in his locker.  When Ponch learn that the model is a friend of Getraer’s family, Ponch begs Getraer to set him up on a blind date.  Getraer says it’s not a good idea but Ponch insists.  Finally, Getraer relents.

Ponch shows up at the model’s house and discovers that Getraer is already there, having a glass of brandy with the model’s father (James Beach).  They tell Ponch that “Janey” will be right down.  When Janey (Wendy Fredericks) finally does come down to meet her date, Ponch is shocked to discover that …. SHE’S 15!

Getraer mention that Janey looks older in photographs.  Baker and two other officers — Fitz (Lew Saunders) and Grossman (Paul Linke, a future series regular) — step into the living room and start laughing.  Getraer laughs.  Janey’s father laughs.  Janey accepts Ponch’s flowers and then rests her head on his shoulder as the credits role….

So, just to repeat — SHE’S FIFTEEN!

Obviously, Ponch didn’t know that but still, it’s bizarre to see Janey’s father laughing about a 30 year-old showing up at the house to go on a date with his fifteen year-old daughter.  Getraer essentially set Ponch up to potentially commit a felony and everyone thinks its hilarious.  As the end credits rolled, I kept expecting Chris Hansen to step in the room and demand that everyone have a seat and explain what exactly it is they though they were doing.

Weird episode.  The stuff involving Leo was surprisingly well-done for this show.  The stuff with Ponch was truly cringe-inducing.  I mean, even if Janey had been an adult, Ponch’s obsession with her would have been creepy.  In the end, Baker’s friend went to jail and Ponch was thoroughly humiliated.  I guess it all balances out.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 1.18 “Made For Each Other”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, two supporting players get an episode all their own.

Episode 1.18 “Made For Each Other”

(Dir by Rob Cohen, originally aired on March 8th, 1985)

After spending most of the first season as background comedic relief, Detectives Switek (Michael Talbott) and Zito (John Diehl) are at the center of this week’s episode of Miami Vice.

With the Vice Squad trying to make a case against criminal fence John Costeleda (Johnny “Vatos” Hernandez), Switek and Zito recruit two informants — Noogie (Charlie Barnett) and Izzy (Martin Ferrero) — and send them in undercover to get close to Costeleda’s lieutenant, an electronic store owner named “Bonzo” Barry Gold (Mark Linn-Baker).  For once, it’s Zito and Switek who are pushing ethical boundaries to take down the bad guy though, notably, they never get quite as angsty about it as either Crockett or Tubbs.  If Crockett and Tubbs are secretly aware that they’re fighting a losing war against crime, Switek and Zito are a bit more earnest in their outlook.

This episode also takes a look at Switek and Zito’s life outside of Vice.  Zito likes to take care of fish and is something of an eccentric.  Switek is dating Darlene (Ellen Greene), who used to date Zito.  Switek is also a big fan of Elvis, though Darlene has tossed almost all of his Elvis stuff out of the apartment and instead replaced it with pictures of Princess Diana and baby Harry.  (Prince Harry’s father is not seen in any of the pictures.  Neither is the future King Charles III.)  When Zito’s house explodes due to a gas leak, he moves in with Switek and Darlene.  Darlene is not particularly happy about that and, by the end of the episode, Switek has decided that his partner is more important to him than his girlfriend.  As the title says, Switek and Zito are made for each other.

I like the fact that Miami Vice would occasionally allow people other than Crockett and Tubbs to headline an episode.  After all, the show is called Miami Vice and there’s more to the Vice Squad than just Crockett’s houseboat and Tubbs’s fake Jamaican accent.  Michael Talbott and especially John Diehl are both likable in their roles, with Diehl in particular making Zito into the type of strange guy who you can’t help but love.  That said, this episode was a bit too silly for its own good.  It would have been interesting to see Zito and Switek go after the type of criminals that Crockett and Tubbs regularly went after but instead, Costeleda was too much of a buffoon to really be a serious threat.  The emphasis here was on comedy but Miami Vice works better as a serious show with funny moments than as a funny show with serious moments.

It was nice to see that Zito and Switek were made for each other but, otherwise, this episode never worked as well as one might hope.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Degrassi Junior High 2.3 “Great Expectations”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

Finally, after being preempted two weeks in a row, Degrassi Junior High returns!

Episode 2.3 “Great Expectations”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on January 18th, 1988)

There’s a new student at Degrassi Junior High.  Her name is Liz O’Rourke (Cathy Keenan) and she’s not happy to be starting at a new school in a new country.  (Liz formerly went to school in London.)  Liz dismisses the students at Degrassi as being a bunch of “preppy” snobs and Stephanie and the Farrell twins do their best to prove her right by making a bunch of catty comments and making her feel even more like an outsider.  Only Spike and Joey attempt to befriend Liz.  Spike knows how it feels to be an outsider at Degrassi.  As for Joey, he’s desperate to lose his virginity and he’s convinced himself that Liz, because of the way she dresses (even though she doesn’t dress all that differently from anyone else at the school), wants to have sex with him.  When Joey shows up at Liz’s house to work on a school project and then, from out of nowhere, asks to have sex with her, Liz kicks him out.

Oh, this episode broke my heart.  As someone who moved around a lot when she was younger and who frequently had to get used to new schools and as someone who learned early on that teenage boys almost always had one thing on their mind, I knew exactly what Liz was going through.  In true Degrassi style, this episode opened with Liz feeling miserable about starting at a new school and ended with her feeling even more miserable about being at a new school.  One of the many things that set Degrassi apart from and elevated it over other teen shows was that Degrassi rarely ended on an altogether happy note.  The problems that the students dealt with on Degrassi could rarely be solved in just 30 minutes.  Cathy Keenan did a great job capturing Liz’s brief hope that she may have found a new friend and also the crushing heartbreak of discovering that friend was only talking to her because he thought she was “easy.”

For those of us who first discovered the character on Degrassi: The Next Generation, it can be a bit jarring to see the way Joey Jeremiah behaves on Degrassi Junior High.  There’s a big difference between the mature, adult Joey of Degrassi: The Next Generation and the immature and self-centered Joey of Degrassi Junior High.  But I suppose that’s true of most people.  Everyone does foolish things when they’re younger and everyone makes mistakes when they’re immature and unsure of themselves.  As the episode ends, Joey tells Wheels that he actually did like Liz and that he made a huge mistake.  Joey realizes what he did was wrong but that’s not going to make things any easier for Liz, who starts another day of school while feeling more alone than ever.

Things work out a bit better for Arthur and Yick Yu.  Arthur is freaking out because he’s been having wet dreams so Yick encourages Arthur to call Dr. Sally (Sue Johanson), a sex educator who has her own radio show.  Arthur calls and Dr. Sally tells him that his dreams do not make him a pervert.  It’s a pretty simple storyline but an important one as it introduces the character of Dr. Sally, who will be mentioned many times throughout both Degrassi Junior High and Degrassi: The Next Generation.  It’s also an important storyline because of the contrast between how Arthur and Joey handle their questions about sex.  Arthur asks an adult and is lucky enough to get a straight-forward and nonjudgmental answer.  Joey convinces himself that he’s ready for sex when he’s obviously not, freaks out just trying to buy condoms, and then ruins his friendship with Liz.

Finally, Stephanie is once again secretly changing into her trampy clothes at school in an attempt to get Simon to notice her.  However, whenever Stephanie tries to talk to Simon, she gets interrupted by the Alex, the dorky student council treasurer.  Even if Alex didn’t keep showing up, I doubt it would have made a difference.  Simon’s just not that into her.

This was a sad episode but I’m glad I finally reviewed it!  Between taking time off for the holidays and getting ill, I was worried I’d never review Degrassi again!  But, as the theme song says: “In yourself, you must believe.”

Retro Television Review: Thief (dir by William A. Graham)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1971’s Thief!  It  can be viewed on Tubi and YouTube.

Neal Wilkinson (Richard Crenna) would appear to be living a great life.  He has a nice house in the suburbs.  He has a beautiful girlfriend named Jean Melville (Angie Dickinson).  As he heads into middle-age, he is still fit and handsome and charming.  He dresses well, or at least well by the standards of the early 70s.  (By the standards of today, a few of his ties are a bit too wide.)  Everyone believes that Neal has a nice and comfortable job as an insurance agent.

Of course, the truth is far different.

Neal is a veteran con man and a thief.  He’s just recently been released from prison and his deceptively friendly parole officer (played by the great character actor, Michael Lerner) is convinced that Neal will screw up again eventually.  And, of course, Neal has screwed up.  A gambling addict, he is $30,000 in debt.  Can Neal steal enough jewelry from enough suburban homes to pay off his debt?  Can a man like Neal change his ways?

This is a surprisingly somber made-for-TV movie.  Just from the plot description and the film’s first few minutes, you might expect Thief to be a light-hearted caper film in which Neal and Jean work together to pull off one last heist so that Neal can retire.  Instead, Neal spends almost the entire film lying to Jean and there’s hardly a light moment to be found.  Neal says that he wants to retire from his life of crime but, as the film makes clear, that’s a lie that he’s telling himself.  Neal cannot stop stealing and gambling because he’s as much of an addict as the wild-haired junkie (Michael C. Gwynne) who briefly confronts Neal at the parole office.  At one point, Jean tells Neal, “The more I know you, the less I know you,” but the truth of the matter is that Neal is so deep in denial about the futility of his life that he doesn’t even know himself.

It’s not a particularly happy film.  Richard Crenna is ideally cast as Neal, playing him with enough charm that the viewer can buy that he could talk his way out of being caught in a stranger’s backyard but with also with vulnerability that the viewer can see his fate, even if he can’t.  Thief also provides a rare opportunity to see Cameron Mitchell playing a sympathetic role.  Mitchell is cast as Neal’s attorney, who continually tries to get Neal to stop messing up but who ultimately knows that his attempts to reform Neal are just as futile as Neal’s attempts to go straight.

The movie ends on a surprisingly fatalistic note, one that suggests that there’s only one way to truly escape from a life of crime.  I can only imagine how viewers responded in 1971, when they turned on their television and found themselves watching not a light-hearted caper film but instead a bleak examination of criminal ennui.  It’s not a happy film but it is more than worth watching for Richard Crenna’s lead performance.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Check It Out! 1.14 “Supermarket Superbowlers”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week is all about bowling!  Wasn’t CHiPs also all about bowling this week?

Episode 1.14 “Supermarket Superbowlers”

(Dir by John Bell, originally aired on January 15th, 1986)

Cobb’s has got a bowling team!

They’ve managed to get into the league finals and, according to Howard, all of the credit goes to their stockboy, Murray.  Murray may not be good at bagging groceries but he is apparently a great bowler.  He’s such a good bowler that it doesn’t even matter that Edna is a terrible bowler.  In fact, Edna is so bad that she doesn’t even get to bowl.  The only reason she is on the team is so she can step in if someone gets injured.

Someone does get injured!  Murray breaks his arm and right before the big game too.  However, Mrs. Cobb (Barbara Hamilton) has told Howard that she wants the store to win that championship trophy and she’ll give everyone on the team a $500 bonus if they win.  But if Edna plays, they don’t have a chance.  In order to keep Edna on the sidelines, Jack Christian tracks down a former pro bowler and hires him to be the temporary stock boy.  “Big Ed” Politowski (J. Winston Carroll) is a total slob who doesn’t appear to have taken a shower in months but apparently, he’s really good with a bowling ball.

Seeing how disappointed Edna is, Howard decides to fake a foot injury so that he’ll have to withdraw from the team and Edna will be able to play in his place.  But, no sooner has he faked one injury than Christian drops a bowling ball on Howard’s other foot.  (Why was Christian walking around the store with a bowling ball?  I’m not sure.)  Big Ed picks up Howard to take him to the hospital, which leads to an unseen but definitely heard crash in the parking lot.

The end result is that Howard ends up on crutches, the store does not win the trophy, and no one gets five hundred dollars.  But everyone is really impressed by the fact that Howard faked an injury just so Edna could play.  Of course, if Howard hadn’t faked an injury, they might have won the tournament and they would all be five hundred dollars richer.  Apparently, Cobb’s only hires those who have a very, very generous spirit.

This was a fairly forgettable episode, one in which there really weren’t any stakes other than a trophy and a little extra money.  Considering the big deal that Mrs. Cobb made about wanting to win that trophy, no one seemed to be particularly worried about any bad consequences from losing the game.  Considering that Murray broke his arm at work, no one seemed to be worried about whether or not he would recover or perhaps sue the store.  There were no consequences to anything that happened in this story and that’s fine.  Not everything has to be a matter of life and death.

Probably the most interesting thing about this episode is that neither Alf the Security Guard nor Jennifer the Cashier appeared.  In-universe, I going to assume the episode took place on their off-days but you do have to wonder if either one of them could bowl.

 

 

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.5 “Buddy, Can You Spare A Million?”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Gabe is really poor and Epstein has a chance to get really rich!

Episode 3.5 “Buddy, Can You Spare A Million?”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 29th, 1977)

Gabe tells Julie a joke about his Aunt Brenda, who believed in reincarnation.  Brenda went to a psychic to find out what had happened to her late husband, Sidney.  Sidney’s spirit informed Brenda that he woke up every morning and made love.

“Are you in Heaven?” asked Brenda.

“No,” Sidney said, “I’m a bull in Montana.”

Welcome back….

Continuing this season’s weird thing of keeping Barbarino separate from his fellow Sweathogs, this episode finds Barbarino in the hospital.  It’s nothing serious.  He’s just getting his tonsils out.  However, since Barbarino is not in school (and not even in the 11th Grade until he passes that makeup exam), he is not around to contribute his weekly quarter to the Sweathogs’s lottery fund.  Gabe reluctantly contributes a quarter in Vinnie’s name so that Epstein can buy a ticket.

Gabe’s reluctance turns to frustration when the ticket turns out to be a winner!  The Sweathogs split the money amongst themselves but all Gabe gets is a quarter from Barbarino.  As the father of newborn twins, Gabe could really use some of that money.  Finally, after Julie basically calls him a wimp to his face, Gabe heads down to the hospital to demand his share of the money.  As Gabe puts it, Barbarino gave him his word about sharing the money.

“My word ain’t worth nothing,” Barbarino says but we all know that Vinnie Barbarino isn’t as tough as he pretend to be.  Barbarino does the right thing and agrees to split his share with Gabe, 50/50.

(Except, of course, I think it’s debatable whether it was the right thing because Gabe only put in a quarter because Barbarino wasn’t there to do it himself.  He essentially loaned Barbarino the quarter and Barbarino paid him back.  So, really, Gabe should stop whining.)

Because his ticket won, Epstein is entered into a million dollar lottery.  Epstein and Horshack go to Gabe’s apartment to watch the drawing.  The million dollars is won by Juan Ep — EVERYONE GOES CRAZY! — uh oh, the announcer can’t make out the handwriting!

“Epstein!” everyone yells at the TV.

“Juan Eppinger!” the announcer says.

Congrats, Juan Eppinger!  Unfortunately, Juan Epstein is not Juan Eppinger.  Esptein looks like he’s about to cry, making this kind of a depressing ending.

Fortunately, Juan’s misfortunate does not keep Gabe from telling a stuffed animal a joke about his Uncle Eddie, the bank robber.

This episode felt a bit off, just because Barbarino belongs with the Sweathogs and the Sweathogs belong with Barbarino and keeping them all separate throws off the chemistry that made the first two seasons so successful.  I’m going to assume this was due to Travolta also doing Saturday Night Fever while working on Welcome Back, Kotter.  I imagine the show had to work around Travolta’s suddenly very busy schedule and this was not an easy task.  But still, without Barbarino, the Sweathogs are just lacking something and turning Horshack’s weirdness up to 11 is not substitute.

Next week …. Barbarino finally takes his makeup exam!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Friday the 13th 1.14 “Bedazzled”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week’s episode of Friday the 13th is …. well, it’s not that good.  Let’s talk about it.

Episode 1.14 “Bedazzled”

(Dir by Alexander Singer, originally aired on February 22nd, 1988)

With Jack and Ryan out of town to attend an astrology convention, Micki has got the antique store to herself …. or, at least, she does until she agrees to babysit a bratty kid named Richie (Gavan Magrath).  Even worse than Richie are Jonah (Alan Jordan) and Tom (David Mucci), who claim to be telephone repairmen but who are actually at the store because they want to retrieve a cursed lantern that was taken from them by Jack and Ryan.

(Incidentally, they kill the real telephone repairman before showing up at the store.  The real repairman is played Timothy Webber, who played Mo in Terror Train.  Meanwhile, Dave Mucci played Wendy’s thuggish boyfriend in Prom Night.  So, if nothing else, this episode is a footnote of sorts in Canadian slasher history.)

The cursed lantern is probably the lamest antique that the show has featured up to this point.  Using the lantern, undersea divers can find hidden treasure.  But after finding treasure, the lantern then has to set someone on fire.  (Basically, after hidden treasure is found, anyone who is touched by a beam of the lantern’s light will burst into flames.)  The man problem is that the lantern is so big and bulky that Jonah just looks silly whenever he picks it up and aims the lantern’s fiery light at anyone.  It is a seriously awkward and rather impractical weapon, one that appears to not only be impossible to aim but also next to impossible to run with as well.  Add to that, it turns out that the beam of light can diverted by a mirror so it’s not only a lame item but an easily defeated one as well.

It’s a shame that this episode isn’t better.  Micki may have the best hair and the best fashion sense of anyone on the show but it’s rare that she ever really gets an episode all to herself.  But this episode saddles her down not only with forgettable villains and an impractical cursed item but it also forces her to deal with a bratty kid.  The kid survives his night at store and, by all logic, he should be traumatized for life.  Instead, he tells his mother about everything that happened and his mother laughs about what a great imagination he has.  Seriously, though, shouldn’t Micki have some magic wand that she could use to erase Richie’s memory or something?  It seems kind of dangerous to let a kid that bratty know that the store is full of magic items.

Anyway, this was a forgettable episode so I’m keeping the review short tonight!  Fortunately, next week’s episode will be much better.

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 2.12 “Wendell’s Story”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

T.S. Turner protects a man who finds some money!  Didn’t he already do this?

Episode 2.12 “Wendell’s Story”

(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on January 30th, 1990)

Who is Wendell?

Wendell (played by Wayne Robson) is beloved figured in this show’s fictional Canadian city.  Wendell lives on the streets, sleeping in a tent in an alley and spendinh his days eating whatever food he happens to come across.  Wendell is good-natured and he doesn’t take it personally when the local teenagers toss a half-eaten apple at him.  Wendell is such a nice guy that, when he comes across a duffel bag full of money, he doesn’t keep the money for himself but he instead starts handing it out to random people.  It’s his way of thanking everyone for helping him and everyone is very polite about waiting their turn to be handed some money.

Way to go, Wendell!

Unfortunately, the duffel bag belonged to two incompetent crooks named Errol (Gareth Bennett) and Fritz (Dominic Cuzzocrea).  Now, when I say incompetent …. listen, T and T has featured it’s share of dumb criminals but there have never been any dumb as these two.  Not only do they lose the duffel bag but they also continually lose track of Wendell.  They’re the type of crooks whose ammo clips regularly fall out of the guns.  These guys may be incompetent but they do fire a gun at T.S. at one point.  T.S. escapes injury but, as he explains to Amy, shooting at him makes things “personal.”

T.S.’s plan to protect Wendell and catch the bad guys is to have his friend Decker wear a fake beard and pretend to be Wendell.  It’s a good plan, except the bad guys come up with a similar plan and, as a result, there are two fake Wendells wandering around and T.S. has to figure out which one to beat up.  T.S. gets so confused that it gives the bad guys time to to get the drop on him.  Fortunately, the bad guys once again fail to load their guns correctly, which gives T.S. and Decker time to knock them both out with one punch.

This was not a particularly complicated episode.  Nor was it a very suspenseful one, as the bad guys were such idiots that they never came across as being any sort of threat.  More time was spent with Wendell teaching Joe how to live on the streets than on the villains trying to get their money back.  (Why is Wendell teaching Joe how to live on the streets?  It was T.S.’s idea, which leads me to wonder if T.S. is planning on kicking Joe out of the gym at some point in the near future.)  As for Amy, she spent most of this episode setting up her new office and getting annoyed with the perfectly nice guy who had an office across the hall.  The show may be called T and T but it’s usually one T who gets to do anything.

This was a bit of a forgettable episode but Mr. T did yell, “Hey, fool!” after the bad guys attempted to shoot him so that was kind of fun.

 

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway To Heaven 1.16

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Mark has a near-death experience.

Episode 1.16 “Going Home, Going Home”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on January 23rd, 1985)

While driving through Oklahoma at night, Mark mentions to Jonathan that they are near the location of his grandfather’s old farm.  Jonathan suggests that they stop off to see the farm and see if any of Mark’s old friends are around but Mark explains that he had no friends when he lived with his grandfather.  As Mark puts it, he was sent to live with his grandfather after his mother died and he spent the whole time complaining about how much he would have rather stayed back in California.  Mark says that his greatest regret is that he never told his grandfather that he loved him.

Awwwww!  That’s so sad!

Suddenly, a cow appears in the middle of the road.  Mark swerves to avoid it and the car ends up in a ditch.  Jonathan, being an immortal angel, is not injured.  Mark, however, hits his head on the steering wheel and goes into a coma.  A local farmer rushes Jonathan and Mark to the town doctor.  When Jonathan tells the comatose Mark that it’s not his time to die, the doctor replies that the time of Mark’s death is up to God.

Yikes!

Mark does eventually wake up.  Feeling much better, he goes for a walk around the town with Jonathan.  Mark is surprised to see that the town has not changed at all since he lived there.  The cars are all vintage.  1930s swing music is playing from the radios.  And, on the bridge near the location of his grandfather’s farm, Mark meets a 9 year-old boy (Sean De Veritch) who is reading a copy of Superman #1.  The boy says that his name is Mark Gordon.

Jonathan explains that Mark has not woken up at all.  He’s still in his coma and now, he’s getting a chance to tell his grandfather that he loves him.  But, Jonathan explains, old Mark cannot reveal his true identity so he’ll have to get Young Mark to say the words.  Good luck with that, seeing as Young Mark is obsessed with going back to Oakland.

Soon, Mark and Johnathan are working on the farm and helping Carl Fred Simms (John McLiam), who is also Mark’s grandfather, keep his land from falling into the hands of a greedy land developer.  To the show’s credit, it doesn’t take much for Old Mark to convince Young Mark to start treating his grandfather with more respect.  Old Mark explains that Young Mark will always regret not appreciating his grandfather and that’s all it takes for Young Mark to shape up.  Young Mark even finds a the location of an underground well but, by that point, old Carl is already on the verge of death.

This is one of those extremely sentimental and earnest episodes that are pretty much this show’s trademark.  It’s not subtle but it is extremely sincere and, as a result, it’s hard not to get caught up in the episode’s emotions.  There’s a lot about this episode that would normally bring out my snarky side but everyone seems to be so committed to the story that they’re telling that one has to appreciate their efforts.