Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Degrassi Junior High 2.7 “Bottled Up”

Posted on February 18, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989! The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, Kathleen gets her moment in the spotlight!

Episode 2.7 “Bottled Up”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on February 15th, 1988)

At the start of this week’s episode of Degrassi Junior High, Kathleen (Rebecca Haines) comes home from school all excited. She has been named to Degrassi’s academic team and will be appearing on Canada’s number one academic game show, Quest For The Best!

Unfortunately, her mother (played by Sheila Brogren, the real-life mother of Stefan Brogren, who played Snake) is too drunk and incoherent to congratulate her. And Kathleen’s father is away on business. When Kathleen talks to him on the phone, it becomes obvious that he spends a lot of time away from home, leaving Kathleen alone with her alcoholic mother.

The next day, at school, Kathleen meets with the other members of the academic team so that they can practice for their upcoming appearance. (Of course, Caitlin’s a member of the team because Caitlin was a member of every non-criminal group at Degrassi.) Ms. Avery hands them a VHS tape (because it’s the 80s) of Quest For The Best‘s previous episode so that they can check out their competition. The only problem is that Degrassi Junior High only has one VCR (seriously, Canada?) and it’s broken. Caitlin has a VCR at her home but she explains that her family also has company over. (I’m not sure why that would matter but whatever. Caitlin’s perfect family was always hosting a political dissident or two.) Who else has a VCR? Hey, how about Kathleen!? Apparently, her family just got a new VCR and everyone at school knows this because Kathleen made the mistake of bragging about it.

Kathleen says that her mother is sick. Caitlin insists that Kathleen let them use her VCR. In other words, Caitlin won’t let the team use her VCR because her family has company but she has no problem with going over to Kathleen’s house and bothering her mother, despite the fact that Kathleen has basically made it sound as if the woman is on the verge of death.

Reluctantly, Kathleen allows everyone to come over to her house but she asks that everyone try to be quiet while watching the tape. But, as quiet as everyone tries to be, Kathleen’s mom still comes downstairs with a glass of booze. Kathleen is mortified while everyone else quickly leaves.

The next day, at school, Caitlin asks Rick what she should do about Kathleen’s alcoholic mom. Rick, quite sensibly, points out that it’s not Caitlin’s place to do anything. When Caitlin ignores Rick’s advice and tries to talk to Kathleen about it, Kathleen tells her to leave her alone and I am totally on Kathleen’s side here. Caitlin may mean well but she has no idea what Kathleen is going through.

On the day of filming, Kathleen is stunned to discover that she forgot to bring her Degrassi Junior High sweater to the taping. She desperately calls her mom and asks her to bring the sweater from home. Her mother agrees and then passes out drunk. Kathleen goes to the taping and stares at the empty chair that was reserved for her mom. Luckily, Rick is at the taping and he hands Kathleen his sweater. Awwwww!

Largely thanks to Kathleen, Degrassi Junior High defeats Liberman High. Yay! But — oh no! Kathleen’s mother has still not shown up and night has fallen. Kathleen starts to walk home, just for Rick to join her. (Rick was going to spend time with his Caitlin, his sometimes girlfriend, but again, she has company at home.) Rick is the one who ends up talking to Kathleen about her mother, explaining that he has similar issues with his father.

At home, Kathleen confronts her drunk mom about missing the taping and gets smacked as a result.

The next day, at school, Caitlin again tries to talk to Kathleen about her mother but when Kathleen says she doesn’t want to talk about it, Caitlin gets an attitude and says she doesn’t care anymore. Rick then walks into the classroom and Kathleen makes it a point to thank him for his advice. She says she’s going to call social services for help with her mom. In the episode’s best moment, Kathleen thanks Rick for walking her home. Caitlin suddenly turns around in her seat. “You walked her home?”

Way to go, Kathleen! Seriously, in the past, Kathleen has usually been the least likable character on Degrassi but, after seeing how judgmental and self-righteous Caitlin can be, there’s something deeply satisfying about Kathleen finally one-upping her. Add to that, Kathleen and Rick make for a surprisingly well-matched couple. I totally hope Rick dumps Caitlin for Kathleen.

On a serious note, this episode was an example of what Degrassi did so well. It took a character like Kathleen, who has been such an antagonist in all of her other appearances, and it showed that she was human just like everyone else. Kathleen’s constant bragging and her own judgmental style was shown to be her way of dealing with having a truly terrible situation at home. With this episode, Degrassi Junior High not only dealt with the pain of having an alcoholic parent but also reminded its audience that we’re all human. Judge not, lest ye be judged.

I guess I should mention the B-plot. Scooter and his friend Max (Joshua Whitehead) want to be cool so they follow Rick around. When they discover Rick smokes, Max gets a pack of cigarettes and they give smoking a try. They end up coughing a lot. It was kind of silly, to be honest. But I did find it interesting that Rick could both inspire Kathleen to get help for her mother and Scooter to start smoking. Rick’s a powerful guy.

Retro Television Reviews: Live Again, Die Again (dir by Richard A. Colla)

Posted on February 18, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1974’s Live Again, Die Again! It can be viewed on YouTube.

30 years ago, Caroline Carmichael (Donna Mills) died.

Except, she really didn’t. Instead, when on the verge of death, she was put into cryogenic suspension. She has spent the last three decades in suspended animation and, as a result, she has not aged in all that time. In fact, her hair still looks perfect. (I have some doubts about the scientific validity of any of this but let’s just go with it.) As this movie begins, Caroline Carmichael finally wakes up.

Caroline has an entirely new world to discover. At a party to celebrate her awakening, Caroline is shocked to discover that, while she still appears to be young, all of her friends are now in their 60s. Her husband, Thomas (Walter Pidgeon), is now old and sickly. Her beautiful home is now looked after by a strict and suspicious housekeeper (Geraldine Page). Her two children (played by Mike Farrell and Vera Miles) both appear to be older than her. In fact, her daughter was so traumatized by Caroline’s “death,” that she is now terrified of being left alone with her mother.

You might expect that this film would be dedicated to Caroline adjusting to the world of the 70s and that it might feature some thoughts on whether it’s ethical to keep someone in suspended animation for 30 years. And there are elements of that. Caroline is amazed by all the tall buildings. Her daughter’s reaction to Caroline’s return is hardly heart-warming and even Caroline’s whiny son doesn’t seem to be quite as happy about it as one might expect. Her husband has spent the last 30 years of his life waiting for Caroline to wake up and it’s hard not to consider how many opportunities for happiness or success that he missed as a result.

That said, the film itself quickly becomes more of a gothic murder mystery, as Caroline comes to realize that someone is trying to kill her. That’s kind of a shame because I actually found all of the cryogenic stuff to be much more interesting and the idea that one could basically just stop aging for 30 years was an intriguing one. It’s an interesting question. If it could save your life at some undetermined point in the future, would you be frozen? Myself, I think I would be reluctant to do so because you never know what type of world you might wake up in. Caroline is lucky enough to wake up wealthy in the 70s but what if you woke up and discovered that your entire family had died while you were in your coma? What if you woke up and discovered that your country had become some sort of socialist Hellhole? Imagine if someone went into hibernation in 1994 and then woke up in 2024? They would probably want to go back to sleep.

The film was written Joseph Stefano, who also did the script for Psycho and was one of the producers behind The Outer Limits. Not surprisingly, the script is full of snappy dialogue and the cast features two Psycho cast members, Vera Miles and Lurene Tuttle. Director Richard Colla keeps the action moving and, early on in the film, he does a good job of depicting Caroline’s disorientation with finding herself in an entirely new world. The film is well-acted by the entire cast, with Donna Mills especially doing a good job as Caroline. This was an intelligent, well-made, and — most importantly — short made-for-TV movie. At a time when almost all movies and TV shows seem to be too long for their own good, it’s hard not appreciate Live Again, Die Again‘s 73-minute runtime.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Check It Out 1.18 “Store Wars”

Posted on February 17, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, both Cobb’s and Edna get some competition!

Episode 1.18 “Store Wars”

(Dir by John Bell, originally aired on February 12th, 1986)

Odd episode, this week.

After having a fight with Howard, Edna abruptly leaves town for Florida. Apparently, this is something that she does frequently. (We are 18 episodes in and this show has yet to come up with a consistent portrayal of Howard and Edna’s relationship.) I have to admit that I’ve never worked retail so I’m not totally sure how these things work but can you just stop going to work whenever you feel like it and still have a job? It seems like this is the sort of thing that would get most people fired. Maybe it’s different when you’re sleeping with the boss.

Anyway, Howard gets a new secretary and he is shocked to discover that Irene (Cynthia Belliveau) is young and attractive and totally into him. Soon, Howard is wearing an earring, sunglasses, and dressing like Bruce Springsteen. Irene even teaches Howard how to do yoga.

All of this leads to Howard getting distracted from the latest work crisis. A new store has opened up across the street. Just Food sells …. well, just food. There are no bag boys or special displays or anything else that would cost any extra money so Just Food can lower their prices. Soon, all of Cobb’s customers are going to Just Food! Even when Christian lowers the prices at Cobb’s, Just Food lowers their prices even more. Is it possible that Just Food could have a spy in the store?

Yes, there is a spy and, as you probably already guessed, the spy is Irene. (How did Irene get the job? Didn’t she have to go through a background check? Do they not do that in Canada?) Howard eventually figures it all out but he feels a little better when Irene tells him that, even though she was a spy, she truly did fall for him. They share a passionate kiss and the audience applauds. Then Irene leaves and Howard calls Edna to ask her to come back home. “Awwwww!” the audience says.

Uhmmm …. yeah. Thanks for the mixed signals, studio audience. Howard basically cheated on Edna while she was gone but apparently that’s okay because, afterwards, Howard asked her to come back home. Is Howard ever going to tell Edna about Irene? She’s going to find out as soon as she asks either Marlene or Jennifer about what happened at the store while she was gone. Unless Edna was hooking up with a 21 year-old life guard in Florida, Howard’s screwed either way.

This episode just felt off. Howard can be a jerk but he’s always been loyal to Edna, even when they’ve fought in the past. The “Store Wars” storyline had potential but it was pretty much overshadowed by Howard trying to be Springsteen. This episode just didn’t work.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back Kotter 3.10 “Barbarino In Love: Part One”

Posted on February 17, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the Sweathogs are on the verge of actually accomplishing something but Barbarino is distracted by love.

Episode 3.10 “Barbarino In Love: Part One”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on November 3rd, 1977)

At the new apartment, Gabe asks Julie if he’s ever told her about his ancestor, Bart Kotter. Bart was a prospector who let his friend Jesus die of snakebite because the only way to save him would have been for Bart to suck out the poison himself. Julie finds the joke to be amusing, probably because it just gave her a new idea about how she could escape from her loveless sham of a marriage.

But enough with the Kotters. It’s time to meet….

THREE DO’S AND A DON’T!

Okay, it’s actually just the Sweathogs again. Three Do’s and a Don’t is what Vinnie has named their boy group. They are competing in the regional semi-finals of the New York talent competition and, if they win, they’ll move on to the statewide contest. Mr. Woodman isn’t a huge fan of their music, leading Washington to tell them that Three Do’s and a Don’t are not for the “over 30 crowd.”

And yet, when the group performs, they turn out to be a 50s do-wop group that performs a version of Jeepers Creepers. Vinnie Barbarino sings in falsetto while the others do the acapella thing in the background. 1977 was the year of disco in the U.S. and punk rock in the UK. It was not a decade known for its love of barbershop quartets. Three Do’s and A Don’t appears to be very much for the over 70 crowd.

Still, the audience at the show goes crazy for them and I imagine that entirely has to do with Vinnie Barbarino. Seriously, when you watch this episode and watch all of the Sweathogs performing together at the same time, it’s easy to see why Travolta went on to become a film star while some of the others — like Ron Pallilo — spent their post-Kotter career making cameo appearances in stuff like the sixth Friday the 13th film. Travolta dominates the talent show, bringing a smoldering quality to even something as hackneyed as Jeepers Creepers.

Cassy (Amy Johnston) is impressed. Cassy is the “winner from upstate.” (“You’re a winner downstate as well,” Barbarino replies.) Since the Sweathogs win their semi-final, that means that they’ll be facing off against Cassy at the final competition. However, Barbarino is smitten with Cassy, especially after she instructs him on how a gentleman talks to a lady. Instead of rehearsing with his group, Barbarino spends the weekend showing her around Brooklyn. He even takes her to the local diner, where they run into Gabe and Julie, who are having a typically awkward date night.

Speaking of awkward, Barbarino’s date is crashed by the other Sweathogs, who demand to know why Barbarino has been blowing off rehearsal. Washington explains that winning this competition would mean a lot to the rest of them. Barbarino realizes that Cassy is the competition and that he can’t compete against the woman he loves. The disgusted Sweathogs walk out on him as three dreaded words — “TO BE CONTINUED” — appear on the screen.

As easy as it is to be snarky about Three Do’s and a Don’t and their glorified barbershop music, this episode was enjoyable because it allowed to John Travolta to have center state and it also featured some very nice chemistry between Travolta and Amy Johnston. Barbarino and Cassy are a cute couple, with Barbarino’s earnest stupidity matching up well with Cassy’s earnest intelligence. Personally, I totally think that Barbarino should ditch his old friends for his new relationship. I mean, how much happiness can you sacrifice for Arnold Horshack?

Next week, we’ll see if Barbarino finds happiness or if he returns to the Sweathog fold!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th 1.18 “Brain Drain”

Posted on February 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, Jack falls in love but, unfortunately, someone is stealing brains.

Episode 1.18 “Brain Drain”

(Dir by Lyndon Chubbuck, originally aired on April 25th, 1988)

Jack, Ryan, and Micki go to the Natural History Museum of Ontario to try to retrieve a trephinator, which is a device that the ancient Greeks apparently used to measure the size of people’s heads. The belief was that the bigger head someone had, the more intelligent they were. While at the museum, Jack runs into a former girlfriend, Dr. Viola Rhodes (Carrie Snodgress). Jack is so happy to run into Viola that he soon seems to forget about the trephinator but instead finds himself planning their upcoming wedding.

(Just to make clear, Micki canceled her engagement so she could spend the next few years of her life tracking down cursed antiques but Jack can apparently just decide to get married out-of-the-blue without it being an issue.)

Well, Jack may have other things on his mind but that trephinator is still out there and it’s dangerous! It has been incorporated into a chair that allows a formerly developmentally challenged man to steal the brain fluid of others and use it to increase his own intelligence. Stewart Pangborn (Denis Forest) used to be a test subject but now he’s a scientist. When he decides that Viola will be his next victim, Jack’s wedding plans are put in danger.

Even after watching this episode, I have no idea what a trephinator is, what it looks like, or how it was incorporated into the big bulky chair that Pangborn used to steal other people’s brain fluids. Was the trephinator the big needle that would be forcibly inserted into the base of the skulls of Pangborn’s victims? I don’t know but I do know that the whole point of Friday the 13th was that Chris, Jack, and Micki were searching for cursed antiques. Overall, it’s helpful to actually be able to look at the screen and say, “Oh, there’s the antique.”

The episode had quite a few flaws, from the bulkiness of the chair to the apparent ease by which Pangborn was able to set himself up as a scientist at the museum. (Do they not do background checks in Canada?) The episode’s dialogue had a “It’s only first draft, we’ll think of something better later” quality to it and the performances, even from the usually reliable Denis Forest, felt subpar. The idea of Jack meeting an ex-girlfriend and falling in love had potential but there was very little chemistry between Chris Wiggins and Carrie Snodgress. If anything, Jack’s romance reminded the viewers of how strange it was that neither the handsome Ryan nor the beautiful Micki ever seemed to have any amorous admirers.

It was a disappointing episode this week but apparently, next week will feature Ryan joining some sort of Amish death cult. That sounds promising!

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 2.17 “T.S. Turner For The Defense”

Posted on February 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, it’s time for …. another clip show? Didn’t we just do a clip show last week? Far be it for me to complain about having an easy review to write but how does any show get away with doing two weeks straight of clip shows?

Episode 2.17 “T.S. Turner For The Defense”

(Dir by Patrick Loubert, originally aired on May 1st, 1989)

“Things don’t look too good for Amy when, after upsetting the law society, she gets threatened with disbarment. But even I got nervous when she doesn’t show up for the hearing and it’s left to me to defend her.”

Oh yay! For the first time since the start of the second season, an episode of T and T opens with Mr. T offering up a synopsis of the episode’s plot. It’s been so long since this weird but fun trick has been employed by the show that I originally assumed that this episode was originally meant for the first season. But then I spotted the character of Joe Casper in the background of a courtroom scene and Joe didn’t become a regular character until the second season. Who knows why Mr. T introduced this episode. I’m just glad that he did.

As for the episode itself, Amy’s adventures with T.S. Turner have finally led to her facing disbarment proceedings. Unfortunately, right before heading with Amy to the hearing, Amy’s attorney has a heart attack. Amy blows off the hearing to go to the hospital with her friend and, for whatever reason, it doesn’t occur to her to call Turner or anyone else at the hearing and let them know what’s going on. I mean, her lawyer had a heart attack. Under normal circumstances, this is the sort of thing that would lead to the hearings being postponed.

So, with Amy missing, T.S Turner takes it upon himself to defend her at the hearings. Keep in mind, T.S. is not a lawyer. Amy did not hire Turner to defend her. If there’s not much reason for the hearing to proceed without Amy or her actual attorney, there’s even less for the “law society” to allow T.S. Turner to serve as her counsel. Maybe they do things differently in Canada but seriously, none of this makes any sense.

Maybe I’m overthinking things. Like last week’s episode, this is a clip show and obviously, the main concern of the writers was to find an excuse for everyone to talk about Amy’s previous adventures on the show. Unfortunately, Amy’s adventures have never been as interesting as Turner’s so the clips pretty much all fall into the same three categories: Amy gets mad, Amy gets captured, and Amy flirts with some loser to get information. It all gets repetitive fairly quickly.

Halfway through the episode, Turner calls Joe to testify. “What about you, Joe?” T.S. asks Joe on the stand, “Have you ever gotten in trouble? Tell the court about it, Joe.” Joe proceeds to talk about how he first met T.S. and Amy and it’s hard not to notice that Joe’s entire story centers on T.S. but not Amy. Perhaps realizing that Joe hasn’t been of any help, Turner takes the stand himself and talks about …. himself. We get several flashbacks of Turner beating up criminals and it’s hard not to feel bad for Amy, who isn’t even the center of attention at her own disbarment hearings.

“Every legal indiscretion she has committed is justified,” Turner says as Amy finally steps into the courtroom, “because she has helped so many.”

That’s all it takes for the Canadian Legal Society to decide that Amy can continue as a lawyer. Yay!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 1.21 “The Brightest Star”

Posted on February 15, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

Jonathan and Mark are once again in Hollywood, bringing yet another family together.

Episode 1.21 “The Brightest Star”

(Dir by Victor French, originally aired on March 6th, 1985)

Despite the fact that Mark was hoping to finally have a vacation from work, the Boss has other ideas. Jonathan and Mark end up picking up a hitchhiking little girl who claims that she’s escaped from an abusive orphanage. It doesn’t take long for Jonathan and Mark to figure out that she’s lying. She’s actually Laurie Parks (Carrie Wells), one of the most in-demand child actresses working in Hollywood.

Hired to do some carpentry at the Parks home, Jonathan and Mark soon start offering advice to the family and indeed, this family needs a lot of help. The family is totally dependent on Laurie’s salary and Laurie deals with the pressure of being the main provider by acting like a monstrous brat. Her alcoholic father (Gerald S. O’Loughlin) wants to return to his previous life of driving a cab. Her mother (Trish Van Devere) spends all of her time watching out for Carrie’s career. The daughter (Laura Jacoby) of the family’s loyal maid (Mary Armstrong) is the selfless angel that Laurie is not and, with Jonathan’s help, she begins her own acting career. Unfortunately, her success comes at Laurie’s expense.

As I watched this episode, I was struck by how familiar it felt. Eventually, I realized that it was reminding me of an earlier episode from season 1, in which a father was the one who neglected his family until his son was cast opposite of him in a movie that was he was shooting. Both of these episodes present Hollywood as being a shallow place, where family is often put second and people are corrupted by the pressures of stardom. Both episodes were critical of Hollywood but ultimately ended with the classic Hollywood story of a new star being discovered from out of nowhere. One gets the feeling that Michael Landon, as the show’s guiding force, was dealing with his own issues of trying balance his career with his family. Highway to Heaven both loves and criticizes the entertainment industry with equal abandon.

As for the episode itself, it wasn’t particularly memorable and it struggled to balance moments of sentimental drama with moments of comedy. One could understand the father’s unhappiness with his situation without necessarily thinking that the solution would be for him to move out of the house and start driving a cab again. In the end, Laurie was such a monster that it was difficult to care about what happened to her one way or the other.

Next week, Jonathan and Mark go up against another heartless corporation!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 1.20 “The Cocoon”

Posted on February 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

This week, Billy Drago learns an important lesson about cheating, greed, and cocoons.

Episode 1.20 “The Cocoon”

(Dir by John Gray, originally aired on April 29th, 1989)

A woman (Kim Ulrich) is involved in a serious traffic accident, one that should have killed her. Instead, she survives the accident with hardly a scratch but also without her memory (or so she claims). A greedy police detective named Richard (Billy Drago) is called in when it is discovered that the woman has a good deal of money but no identification on her. When the woman says that she knows that she’s wealthy, Richard becomes very interested in helping her regain her memory.

Richard’s girlfriend, Sarah (Silvana Gallardo), is a psychic. Richard brings her to see the woman, hoping that Sarah will have a vision. When she handles the woman’s comb, Sarah has a vision of the woman in the 1920s, seducing a man who has been missing for over 60 years. But the woman appears to be in her 20s in both the present and in Sarah’s vision. Richard suggests that Sarah might be seeing the woman’s grandmother.

Of course, the truth is a bit more complex. The woman has been alive for centuries, surviving by wrapping her lovers in a cocoon and then feasting off their life force. The woman is hoping to make Richard her next lover and Richard, being a bit of a sleazeball, is prepared to go along with it. However, Sarah has a few tricks of her own….

This was an interesting and ambitious episode, one that attempted to tell a very complex story in just 21 minutes and on a very limited budget. Unfortunately, the show didn’t really have the resources to do this particular story justice but it’s still hard not to admire the imagination involved. Throughout the episode there are moments that work really well, like a sequence where Sarah has a vision of all of the different costumes that the woman has worn through the centuries. The episode also ends with an entertaining little twist. It’s effective, even if the scenes involving the actual spinning of the cocoon fall victim to the show’s low budget.

Billy Drago was a veteran screen bad guy, one who almost always cast as an evil henchman. (In Brian De Palma’s The Untouchables, Kevin Costner memorably threw him off of a roof.) This episode gives Drago a rare leading role, though Richard is just as amoral and sleazy as the characters for which Drago was best known. Drago does a good job in the lead, playing Richard as being a not particularly smart guy who is undone by his own cockiness. If nothing else, it’s impossible not to enjoy seeing him get his comeuppance.

Next week on Monsters …. Adrienne Barbeau dabbles in the magical arts!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.2 and 4.3 “The Family Plan/The Promoter/May The Best Man Win/Forever Engaged/The Jurors”

Posted on February 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, The Love Boat heads to the Virgin Islands in a special two-hour episode!

(For syndication purposes, this episode is technically listed as being two episodes.)

Episode 4.2 and 4.3 “The Family Plan/The Promoter/May The Best Man Win/Forever Engaged/The Jurors”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on November 1st, 1980)

One of the cool things about The Love Boat is that, at least once per season, the cast and crew would actually film on location on an actual cruise. You can always spot these episodes by the fact that they’re usually two-hours long, there’s more passengers than usual, and the guest stars tend to spend more time on the upper deck than in their cabins. It may not sound like much but there’s just something undeniably fun about seeing the actual ocean while the ship’s crew and the show’s guest stars go through the motions. It’s a reminder that we live on a beautiful planet and we should all make the effort to go out and see some of it.

The fourth season’s location shoot followed the boat as it sailed from the Virgin Islands to Los Angeles, with stops in Curacao, Venezuela, and Panama. Along with all of the usual romance and laughs, this episode is a bit of a travelogue as Gopher, Julie, and the Captain all take their turn telling the passengers about the history of where they are sailing. Isaac even gets into the act, pointing out the Virgin Islands to Doc Bricker. (Being the walking HR nightmare that he is, Bricker can’t hear that name without making a comment about it.) For a history and travel nerd like me, that was enough to make this episode fun.

As for the storylines, it was typical Love Boat silliness. Promoter Larry Evans (Darren McGavin) is promoting a contest in which 50 engages couples will be married by Captain Stubing in a mass wedding aboard the ship. (It’s kind of like what happens in cults, now that I think about it.) One lucky couple will win money, a house, and a car. Larry boards the ship with his wife, Sheila (Debbie Reynolds) and it quickly becomes apparent that their marriage is struggling, despite the happy facade that Larry attempts to put up. When Larry’s plan for a network television special falls through, he’s offered a bribe by one of the engaged couples. When Sheila learns that Larry is considering taking the bribe, she announces that she wants a divorce and then starts spending a lot of time with Captain Stubing. Again, Vicki gets her hopes up that she’ll soon have a stepmother.

Meanwhile, Carl Lawrence (Peter Graves) boards the ship to try to keep his son, Ted (Brian Kerwin), from rushing into a marriage with Carrie (Erin Moran). Meanwhile, Carrie’s mother, Mary Ann (Kathie Browne), boards to keep Carrie from rushing into a marriage with Ted. Carl and Mary Ann are eager to work together to keep this wedding from happening. But then Carl and Mary Ann fall in love and start planning a rushed wedding of their own. “Are we hypocrites?” Carl wonders. Yes, you are. But you’re also Peter Graves so you can pretty much do whatever you want.

Tom McMann (Ted Knight) and Mary Hubble (Rue McClanahan) have been engaged for ten years. Mary fears that Tom won’t go actually go through with the wedding and Tom suddenly finds himself unable to say the words, “I do.” Can Isaac help them out?

Marv Prine (Don Most), who previously sailed on last season’s Alaskan cruise, boards as the best man for the wedding of his friend Brian (Lloyd Alan) and Emily (Charlene Tilton). However, Brian decides he’d rather run off with an old girlfriend and he leaves it to Marv to break the news to Emily. Marv can’t bring himself to do it so he keeps making excuses and promising Emily that Brian will meet them at the next port. Marv falls in love with Emily but suddenly, Brian shows up. When he finds out that Marv didn’t tell Emily the truth about him standing her up, Brian decides to go ahead with the wedding. Emily becomes convinced that Marv was trying to steal her away from Brian but then she finds a receipt from a cheap hotel and she realizes the truth. “You’re not a man,” Julie tells Brian. WAY TO GO, JULIE!

Finally, the Captain assigns Doc Bricker the task of judging the couples contest. Doc thinks that it sounds tedious so he passes the job onto Gopher. However, when Doc sees that the other two judges are Valerie (Dawn Wells) and Rena (Ann Jillian), he conspires to take Gopher’s place. While docked at Curacao, Doc sends Gopher assure to pick up some medical supplies. Gopher, of course, walks up to a cop and asks for help finding “the drugs.” When the cop doesn’t understand, Gopher says, “I want to buy drugs.” Long story short, Gopher ends up in jail and the ship sails off without him.

Wow, that’s a lot to deal with! But don’t worry it all works out.

Gopher meets a Spanish diplomat’s daughter and is not only freed from jail but he also gets a girlfriend and a limo for his trouble. When the ship docks in Los Angeles, Valerie and Rena abandon Doc so that they can take a ride in Gopher’s new limo.

Larry does not take the bribe and saves his marriage.

Everyone else gets married.

Yay! A happy ending! Except, of course, for Vicki, who thought she was going to get a stepmother. But don’t worry, Vicki. There’s still 6 more seasons to go.

This was a fun episode. It made me want to take a cruise. Interestingly enough, this is also a prophetic episode. A cruise for engaged couples in which one couple wins a big prize? Today, there’s not a network around that would pass on that.

See? The Love Boat knew exactly where America sailing.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 1.14 “Backup”

Posted on February 13, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

This week, Eddie Kramer returns!

Episode 1.14 “Backup”

(Dir by Charles Bail, originally aired on February 24th, 1996)

Visiting his former home for re-certification, former Baywatch lifeguard Eddie Kramer (Billy Warlock) is patrolling the ocean when he comes across a boat that’s on fire and sinking. Two people on a dinghy yell that someone is still on the boat. Eddie boards the boat and doesn’t see anyone. The two people on the dingy continue to insist that someone is on the boat, even as Eddie dives off of it.

Along with Baywatch regular Newman (Michael Newman, the real-life model for Mitch Buchanan), Eddie searches the now sunken boat. And, to his shock, he finds a dead man on the boat. Eddie does a classic “Nooooooooo!” but, being underwater, no one can hear him.

With everyone blaming him for the accident, Eddie continues to insist that no one was alive on the boat when he first checked. Eddie’s old friend and mentor, Mitch Buchanan, decides to investigate the case himself and he soon figures out the truth. The dead man did drown but he was already dead by the time the boat sank! But who wanted to kill him?

It’s actually not much of a mystery as there are only two suspects and it is established early on that they’re working together. In fact, they talk about how they committed the murder before Mitch even figures out that it was a murder so say goodbye to any suspense. The truth of the matter is that the storyline was less about the mystery and more about trying to boost the ratings by reminding everyone that this was a Baywatch show. It might have been more effective if the show had made use of a top-tier Baywatch co-star (David Charvet, Pamela Anderson) as opposed to bringing back Billy Warlock, who hadn’t been on the show for a few seasons before his guest turn here. But then again, bringing on a “current” co-star would have begged the question of “Why do we need a new show to watch a story from the old show?”

There’s a second storyline, in which a man (Barry Pearl) is concerned that his mistress (Valerie Wildman) has hired a hitman to kill him. Garner, Ryan, and Lou all stakeout the mistress and discover that she doesn’t actually want to go through with the plot and that her original plan was to kill the man’s wife. The man is so overjoyed to discover that his mistress wanted to kill his wife that he literally jumps for joy. This was a weird storyline but at least it featured the characters doing real detective work for once.

This was a breezy and entertainingly dumb episode. This is perhaps the first episode to feature every member of the main cast doing something and there was a nice feeling of comradery amongst the regulars. That said, the episode ended with Mitch pointing out that they had solved all the cases and then asking, “What do we do now?” Uhmm …. how about you go to your other job, Mitch?

Seriously, I don’t know how Mitch balances everything.