Tag Archives: Lisa Marie Bowman

Retro Television Reviews: Half Nelson 1.6 “Nose Job”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Half Nelson, which ran on NBC from March to May of 1985. Almost all nine of the show’s episodes can be found on YouTube!

This week, Rocky gets involved with a case that’s all about obsession!

Episode 1.6 “Nose Job”

(Directed by Arthur Allan Seidelman, originally aired on April 19th, 1985)

Way back in March, when I watched the pilot for Half Nelson, one thing that I immediately noticed was the chemistry between Joe Pesci and Victoria Jackson.  In the pilot, it was pretty clear that Annie O’Hara (played by Jackson) had a crush on Rocky (played, of course, by Pesci) and it was actually kind of cute.  The streetwise Rocky and the spacey Annie seemed like they could be an interesting couple and I was actually looking forward to seeing how that storyline developed.

Unfortunately, it didn’t develop.  In the episodes immediately following the pilot, both Annie and Rocky’s boss, Chester (Fred Williamson), were sidelined so that the show could focus on Rocky interacting with Beau (Dick Butkus) and Kurt (Bubba Smith).  Annie was relegated to staying at the office and answering the phone while Rocky flirted with each week’s guest star.  That was definitely a missed opportunity.  While Smith and Butkus both provided adequate comedy relief, it’s still hard not to feel that the show often focused so much on them that performers like Dean Martin, Fred Williamson, and Victoria Jackson were pushed to the side.

In this week’s episode, Detective Hamill (Gary Grubbs) asks Annie to go on a date with him and Rocky encourages her to accept, so I guess the potential Rocky/Annie romance is officially dead.  At first, Annie doesn’t want to date Hamill because she thinks he’s “a jerk.”  (Gary Grubbs, who is one of those actors that most people will immediately recognize even if they don’t know his name, has such an amiable presence that it’s hard to understand where Annie got that idea from.)  However, in return for Hamill helping him out with this week’s case, Rocky convinces Annie to give Hamill a shot.  Annie and Hamill are a couple by the end of the episode.  Yay!  Who doesn’t love a romantic ending?

As for this episode itself, it opens with Rocky, Beau, and Kurt providing security on the set of a film.  The film appears to be about a revolution in Latin America.  April Gray (Mary-Margaret Humes) is playing the lead role, a revolutionary who wears a red beret.  (Seriously, it looks like a great film.)  When April is nearly run over by an out-of-control truck, Rocky becomes convinced that someone is stalking her.  When he discovers that the truck’s accelerator was rigged with surgical string, he decides that a plastic surgeon, Dr. Jonathan Gaines (Jon Cypher), is trying to kill her.

However, before he can accuse Dr. Gaines, he has to find out if April has actually had plastic surgery.  As opposed to just asking her, Rocky takes her out on a date.  (Beau and Kurt come along as well, so that they can check out the other actresses in the cast and see if any of them had plastic surgery as well.)  The only way that Rocky can convince her to go out with him is to take her to an exclusive club.  But how can Rocky get reservations!?  Fear not, it’s Dean Martin to the rescue!  It turns out that Dean is co-owner of the club so he puts down his martini glass for a few minutes and makes a phone call.  It’s kind of nice that Dean actually got to be involved in the case this week.  Dean’s appearances on this show never last for more than a minute or two and it’s obvious that he wasn’t in the best shape when he filmed them but still, it’s fun to watch him and Pesci act opposite of each other.  Pesci always seem to be in awe of Dean.

Before the date, Rocky has to teach Beau and Kurt how to discreetly look for surgery scars.  This leads to him showing them how to peak behind someone ears while dancing with them.  With the help of Annie, he shows how pretending to lose a contact lens can provide a chance to get on the floor check out someone’s legs for scars.  (Unfortunately, the scene is rather awkwardly blocked and framed and, in a few shots, it appears as if Rocky is basically looking straight up Annie’s skirt.)  Beau and Kurt are impressed.  Chester is less impressed, especially when he catches Rocky crawling around Annie’s legs.  Chester yells at Rocky and then goes in his office.  And that concludes Fred Williamson’s role in this episode.

During the date, Rocky spots the surgical scars behind April’s ears, indicating that she’s had plastic surgery.  It turns out that April not only got a nose job from Dr. Gaines but she also briefly dated him.  Rocky realizes that Gaines is now trying to kill her but, as always, everyone tells Rocky that he doesn’t have enough evidence to prove anything.  Let’s see.  Gaines was on the set when the truck went out of control.  The truck’s accelerator was tied down with surgical string.  Gaines was the only person on the set with a job that would give him easy access to surgical string.  It’s hard not to feel that everyone’s being too quick to dismiss Rocky’s suspicions here.

In fact, Dr. Gaines is so obviously guilty that it’s also pretty obvious that there has to be someone else involved as well.  About halfway through the episode, we learn that the film’s director (played by Timothy Bottoms) also used to date April!  In fact, he’s the one who paid for her nose job!

Half Nelson really has not turned out to be the lost classic that I was hoping it would be.  The pilot was strong but the episodes after that have struggled to really establish a consistent identity for the show.  Watching this show, one gets the feeling that the show’s producers couldn’t decide if they wanted to do a comedy or a drama.  As I already mentioned, the focus on the antics of Dick Butkus and Bubba Smith pretty much left the rest of the talented cast with little to do.  It’s easy to see why Half Nelson did not last longer than two months.

That said, this was actually a pretty good episode.  Yes, there were plenty of detective show clichés but both Jon Cypher and Timothy Bottoms were convincing as the show’s two villains and Joe Pesci’s New York persona provided a nice contrast to the sleek phoniness of Hollywood and Beverly Hills.  There was even an exciting car chase, which was entertaining even if it was ultimately a bit superfluous to the plot.  Plus, the episode featured Rocky throwing a bomb more seconds before it exploded.  This is what the explosion looked like:

Seriously, did Rocky just nuke L.A.!?

This was an entertainingly melodramatic episode.  You could see hints of the show that Half Nelson could have been if only it could have maintained a consistent tone.

Next week, Rocky meets Marjoe Gortner!

Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix for Fast Times At Ridgemont High!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

 

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 10 pm et, #FridayNightFlix has got 1982’s Fast Times At Ridgemont High!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag!  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Fast Times At Ridgemont High is available on Prime!  See you there!

 

 

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 4.16 “Jamal X” and 4.17 “Subway Confessions”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Let’s check in with the neat guys.

Episode 4.16 “Jamal X”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, Originally aired on November 11th, 2000)

In this episode, we learn that Jamal has an uncle who is a fairly prominent academic and activist.  This seems like something that would have come up in the past but this is the first time that he’s ever been seen or even mentioned on City Guys.  When Ms. Noble invites him to give a guest lecture at Manny High, he stops by the diner to visit with his favorite nephew and to meet Jamal’s “best friend, Chris.”  After initially assuming that L-Train is Chris, Jamal’s uncle is shocked to discover that Jamal’s best friend is a rich white kid.

After listening to his uncle speak on systemic racism and realizing how little his three white friends understand about what it’s like to have to deal with racism on an everyday basis, Jamal goes militant.  He wears his hair in an afro.  He refers to Ms. Noble as being “my Nubian queen.”  And he tries to start a school club only for black students.  After Ms. Noble tells him that she won’t allow a blacks-only club at the school, Jamal instead holds his meeting at the New York Diner.  When Chris attempts to attend the meeting, Chris explains that he’s only there because he wants to understand what the black students are having to deal with.  Despite this, Chris is kicked out by the other club members.  A guilt-stricken Jamal realizes that he’s been going about things the wrong way.  He apologizes to Chris and they become friends again.

This seems to be the episode of City Guys that everyone remembers from when it first aired and it’s not badly done.  Wesley Jonathan, in particular, gives a good performance as Jamal.  Though the episode ends with Jamal reaffirming his friendship with Chris, it also doesn’t deny the everyday realities of racism.  (An early scene in the episode features a cop spotting L-Train’s new watch and baselessly accusing him of having stolen it.)  If nothing else, this episode is a bit more honest about prejudice than Saved By The Bell’s infamous Running Zack episode.  That said, I get the feeling that, if this episode aired today, it would be criticized for taking an All Lives Matter approach to the issue.  In the end, this episode is most noteworthy as a reminder that the issues of today are many of the same issues of the 90s and all the decades before.

Episode 4.17 “Subway Confessions”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, Originally aired on November 18th, 2000)

Chris, Jamal, Al, L-Train, Cassidy, and Dawn are preparing to enter the school when they hear that Funkyfest tickets are going on sale.  Convinced that they’ll be able to get the tickets and get back to school in time for Ms. Noble’s class, they leave school grounds and head for the subway.  When they return 3 hours later, Ms. Noble is so angry that she sentences them to three weeks of detention.  Ms. Noble also confiscates the Funkyfest tickets, which is another way of saying that Ms. Noble steals them.  Seriously, just because the tickets were bought while skipping school, that doesn’t change the fact that those tickets were not Noble’s to take.

Everyone has a different story about what happened on the train to make them late.  Dawn and Cassidy claim that they were giving a homeless woman a makeover.  L-Train and Al claim that they were fighting Russian spies.  Chris and Jamal claim that a woman in clown makeup went into labor and they had to deliver the baby.  Ms. Noble doesn’t believe a word of it, even after the homeless woman shows up, introduces herself as an undercover cop, and reveals that a clown really did go into labor.  (That said, she also reveals that Chis and Jamal did not deliver the baby.)  Everyone still has detention for skipping school because Ms. Noble is a harsh taskmaster.

This was a funny episode, though it’s hard not to notice that it’s also an episode that’s totally dependent on every character being an idiot.  Still, I’m not ashamed to admit that Al and L-Train fighting the spies made me laugh.  I’ve learned not to expect too much from City Guys and, with that in mind, this episode delivered.

The TSL Grindhouse: Beyond Desire (dir by Dominique Othin-Girard)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

1995’s Beyond Desire tells the story of Ray Patterson (William Forsythe).  He’s spent the last 14 years in jail, convicted of a murder that he says he didn’t commit.  He likes to sing.  He’s obsessed with Elvis.  He claims that he doesn’t know how to drive because he’s been in prison for the last 14 years but he appears to be in his mid-40s so you have to kind of wonder if maybe Ray just wants other people to drive him around.  After all, Elvis never drove himself.

Perhaps because everyone is sick of listening to him as he sings Amazing Grace in his cell, Ray is released from prison.  Since he was serving his time in Nevada, this means that Ray now has to walk down a desert road and hope that someone gives him a ride.  Fortunately, for Ray, a woman named Rita (Kari Wuhrer) pulls up in fancy red car and asks him where he’s going.  Rita explains that she’s always had a fantasy about picking up someone who has just been released from prison.  Ray accepts her offer of a ride and soon, they’re at a desert motel, engaging in saxophone-scored, Vaseline-on-the-lens softcore sex.  Ray may have forgotten how to drive but apparently, he didn’t forget everything during those 14 years he spent in prison.  If nothing else, this film reveals more of William Forsythe than most viewers probably ever thought they’d see.

Soon, Ray and Rita are head to Vegas.  Of course, it turns out that Rita wasn’t quite honest about why she picked up Ray.  Rita is a high-priced escort and she works for a local crime boss named Frank (Leo Rossi).  Frank wants Ray to reveal the location of some stolen money.  Ray, meanwhile, feels that Frank is the key to clearing his name and catching the real murderer.  At first, it seems like everyone is just manipulating everyone else but Rita and Frank do eventually end up falling in love.  Can their love survive bullets and hints of betrayal?

Like many 90s crime films, Beyond Desire is one of those films that was obviously made to capitalize on the success of Quentin Tarantino.  The characters of Ray and Rita are such obvious copies of True Romance‘s Clarence and Alabama that the film comes close to turning into a self-parody.  Ray is a big Elvis fan and occasionally quotes lyrics at inopportune times.  The soundtrack itself is full of Elvis songs, though the budget apparently wasn’t big enough to actually get the rights to any of Elvis’s recordings.  Instead, we get cover versions, the majority of which feel rather wan.  The film emphasizes the garish glitz of the Vegas Strip but none of the quirky beauty of it.  Las Vegas, an adult playground sitting in the desert, is pure Americana.  That was something that was captured by Francis Ford Coppola in The Godfather, Martin Scorsese in Casino and David Lynch in Twin Peaks: The Return.  The film uses Vegas as a convenient backdrop but it has nothing to say about the location itself.

Like the majority of road movies, the film tends to meander a bit.  Ultimately, the road leads to nowhere.  That, in itself, is not necessarily a problem.  The same could be said of Tony Scott’s True Romance or any number of films directed by Wim Wenders.  Unfortunately, this film wasn’t directed by Tony Scott or Wim Wenders.  Instead, it was directed by the guy who did Halloween 5 and the end result is a film that, even when taken as a purely stylistic exercise, still feels rather empty.  It’s a shame because William Forsythe shows off a lot of quirky, bad boy charm in the role of Ray and Kari Wuhrer make Rita into a far more complex and conflicted character than one might expect.  But, unfortunately, the film itself just doesn’t live up to their performances.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.10 “Man of the Cloth / Her Own Two Feet / Tony’s Family”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time to give thanks as the Love Boat sets sail for another holiday adventure!

Episode 2.10 “Man of the Cloth / Her Own Two Feet / Tony’s Family”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on November 17th, 1978)

It’s time for the big Thanksgiving cruise and love is in the air!

Unfortunately, the ship’s chief engineer calls in sick the day of the cruise.  The ship can’t sail without a chief engineer!  Rather than cancel the cruise, Captain Stubing decides that assistant engineer Tony Santini (Larry Storch) will just have to give up his Thanksgiving and work on the cruise.  Needless to say, Tony is not happy about this.  As he explains to Gopher and Julie, his entire family is in town and he was planning on spending his holiday with them.  Julie comes up with a brilliant idea!  Maybe Tony’s family could secretly take the cruise with Tony.  They can just sneak on board and remember to stay away from the captain.  Tony agrees.  Of course, it then turns out that Tony has a gigantic family.  Along with his wife and his children, he is also accompanied by his parents, neither of whom speak English.  His parents bring a chicken with them.

The crew goes out of their way to keep the Captain from discovering the stowaways but, eventually, the chicken gets loose and Stubing figures out what is going on.  The entire crew — including the Captain — volunteers to pay for the family’s tickets but Tony announces that he doesn’t take charity.  He’ll figure out a way to pay the bill.

While that’s going on, Rev. Gerald Whitney (Peter Graves) is excited to find love on the cruise.  The only problem is that the woman who he’s fallen in love with (Roz Kelley) is also a stripper!  Rev. Whitney doesn’t care but unfortunately, Barbara Sharp (Vivian Blane) does.  Barbara just happens to be a member of Whitney’s church and she is shocked to see the reverend and the stripper together on the cruise.  Barbara gets so judgmental that her husband, Phil (Alan Young), threatens to divorce her.  Barbara and Phil finally have a heart-to-heart talk in the casino.  Barbara agrees to stop being so judgmental.  Phil agrees to stop gambling as soon as he puts his last silver dollar in the ship’s slot machine.  That silver dollar was given to him by one Tony’s kids and when the slot machine pays off, Phil and Barbara give all of the money to Tony’s family.  Yay!  Now Tony can pay for the cruise.

(I guess the lesson here is that, if you’re going to be a stowaway, make sure the ship has a casino.)

Finally, Bert (Van Johnson) and his wife, Audrey (June Allyson), are having to adjust to life now that Audrey has gone blind.  Fortunately, Doc Bricker takes a break from hitting on every woman on the boat and gives them some words of encouragement.  Soon, Bert is no longer lying about Audrey’s condition and Audrey is using her cane and learning how to read braille.

This episode felt a bit weird.  Obviously, the most interesting story was the reverend falling in love with a stripper but the show itself devoted more energy to Tony and his family and Phil gambling.  To be honest, with the amount of time that Phil spent in the casino, he came across like he might have a problem.  Hopefully, he went straight from the cruise to Gamblers Anonymous.  The guest stars themselves just seemed to be going through the motions and the end result was a fairly forgettable Thanksgiving.

Music Video Of The Day: L.O.V.E. by Ashlee Simpson (2005, dir by Diane Martel)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In this music video, Ashlee Simpson decides that she’s tired of her clingy boyfriend so she ruins her phone and goes out with her friends.  This video is very, very, very 2005.

Among other things, this video also highlights the early attempts to market Ashlee as being an edgier version of her sister.  In her videos, Jessica would have fun with her friends but, at that point in her career, she was still always destined to leave them for her man.  Ashlee, on the other hand, was all about girl power.  That said, though she throws away her phone, Ashlee doesn’t necessarily throw away her boyfriend.  She knows that she can call him back whenever she feels like doing so.

As I said, it’s all very 2005.

Enjoy!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.18 “Casting Director/Pentagram/A Little Ball”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, we have a special, super-sized episode of Fantasy Island!

Episode 2.18 “Casting Director/Pentagram/A Little Ball”

(Dir by George McCowan and Michael Vejar, originally aired on February 17th, 1979)

This week, we get three fantasies, instead of the usual two!

Sister Mary Theresa (Lisa Hartman) is a nun who has been struggling with her faith even since the death of her mentor.  Her fantasy is a chance to meet the only mortal man that her mentor ever loved.  Colin McArthur (John Saxon) is tall, dark, handsome, and he loves animals!  Not only does he seem like the perfect guy but he’s also played by John Saxon.  Today, Saxon is best-known for appearing in horror movies and for playing B-movie villains and it’s easy to forget that he could also be quite a charming actor when given the chance.  That said, as charming as he is, Colin just can’t compete with God and Sister Mary Theresa once again dons her habit before leaving the Island.

Meanwhile, Felix Birdsong (Don Knotts) has spent his life fantasizing about being a big time Hollywood casting agent and he gets his chance when he comes to the Island and is put in charge of selecting the woman who will star in a film called The Most Beautiful Girl In The World.  Felix soon discovers that Hollywood isn’t as glamorous as he thought.  (Uh, yeah, no doubt.)  The film’s producer (Abe Vigoda) is a sleaze.  The film is being funded by a combination of gangsters and oil sheikhs (one of whom is played by Cesar Romero) and all of them expect Felix to select their girlfriends for the role.  Felix ends up very disillusioned, though you have to wonder what type of sheltered existence he experienced before coming to the island.  I mean, he’s shocked to discover that Hollywood can be a heartless place and that rich men have mistresses!  In the end, Felix announces that all 20 of the women will be cast as The Most Beautiful Girl In The World and that every single one of them will get the prize money.  Yay!  Of course, now the production is probably out of money so it’s not as if the film will ever actually be made.  Actually, if I was a contestant in a beauty pageant and the judge just declared a 20-girl tie instead of giving me the prize, I would probably think he was the biggest jerk in the world.  Boooo!  Felix, you jerk!

Finally, Jane Garwood (Florence Henderson, continuing the tradition of Brady Bunch cast members showing up on the island) is a television news reporter who recently gained a lot of attention for a report she filed on Satanic cults.  As a result of the report, a Satanic priest put a curse on Jane.  Jane laughed it off until all of the men in her life started dying.  Jane’s fantasy is to learn whether the curse is real.  Mr. Roarke’s solution is to become the new man in Jane’s life.  When he doesn’t die, Jane will see that the curse is not real….

Except, the curse is real!  The cult has followed Jane to the Island and now they’re not only trying to kill her but Mr. Roarke as well!  I have to admit that I’ve always assumed that Mr. Roarke was meant to be a supernatural being and I also assumed that he was immortal.  Apparently, that’s not completely true.  Still, despite the cult leader kidnapping Jane and dancing around with a cobra, Roarke is able to reveal that the cult leader is not only not a supernatural being but that he’s also Jane’s ex-boyfriend!

This episode was a fun mix of cartoonish comedy, sincere romance, and ludicrous melodrama.  It was entertainingly silly in the way that only Fantasy Island could be at its best.  I mean, with the exception of The Brady Bunch Hour, how many other shows would have the guts to give us Florence Henderson being menaced by a Satanic cult?  For that, you have to go to Fantasy Island!

Music Video of the Day: After Taxes by Johnny Cash (1978, dir by ????)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tell ’em, Johnny!

Today is Tax Day, the worst day of the year.  This when we’re all told to pay our “fair share.”  Of course, no one bothered to ask us what that fair share should be.  Instead, as citizens, we’re expected to do what we’re told and not to question why.

Anyway, Johnny Cash got it.

Enjoy!