This is another one that can be best described as being dumb. Just dumb.
With a title like Bikini Island, you might think that this movie is about the atomic bomb tests of 1946. No such luck. Instead, Bikini Island is about five models who are competing to be the next covergirl for Swimwear Illustrated. They have gathered on an island off the coast of California, along with a makeup artist, a photographer, an assistant, and the publisher of SI. The competition is fierce but it gets even fiercer once someone starts murdering the models and the magazine staff. Since the killer forges goodbye notes, no one suspects the truth until a random arrow attack, much like the one that took out Albert Hall in Apocalypse Now, is launched towards the end of the movie.
In the 90s, Bikini Island was a staple of late night Cinemax. No one will admit to having watched it but every male who grew up in the 90s did. It pretends to be a slasher film but mostly it’s just concerned with getting the cast in their bikinis as quickly as possible. The movie tries to generate suspense over who the murderer is but eventually gives up and just keeps killing people until there’s only one suspect left. If Bikini Island is remembered for anything, it is the scene where the killer uses a toilet plunger to suffocate a victim. That’s about as imaginative as things get.
Usually, when I don’t have much to say about a movie, I’ll find an excuse to share that picture of Burt Reynolds giving the thumbs up at the end of Shattered: If Your Kid’s On Drugs. Bikini Island is not worth even that much effort.
Wes Craven (1939-2015) left us with many nightmares: LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT, NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, SCREAM. But you haven’t lived until you’ve met Papa Jupiter and his feral family of cannibals in Craven’s THE HILLS HAVE EYES, as outlandish and frightening a horror film as there ever was. HILLS was so shocking the censor board gave it an X rating until it was cut enough to qualify for an R. It still packed enough violence and brutality to make even the heartiest exploitation enthusiast squeamish.
The Carter clan has travelled from Cleveland to the Nevada desert on their way to California. They stop at a gas station where an old geezer is about to leave. The geezer warns them about his son, born mutated and mean as the devil, living somewhere in the hills. While driving down the long. lonesome highway, fighter jets from a nearby airbase cause…
Here’s the main lesson that I’ve learned from watching the 1977 horror film, The Sentinel:
Even in the 1970s, the life of a model was not an easy one.
Take Alison Parker (Cristina Raines) for instance. She should have everything but instead, she’s a neurotic mess. Haunted by a traumatic childhood, she has attempted to commit suicide twice and everyone is always worried that she’s on the verge of having a breakdown. As a model, she’s forced to deal with a bunch of phonies. One of the phonies is played by Jeff Goldblum. Because he’s Goldblum, you suspect that he has to have something up his sleeve but then it turns out that he doesn’t. I get that Jeff Goldblum probably wasn’t a well-known actor when he appeared in The Sentinel but still, it’s incredibly distracting when he suddenly shows up and then doesn’t really do anything.
Alison has a fiancée. His name is Michael Lerman (Chris Sarandon) and I figured out that he had to be up to no good as soon as he appeared. For one thing, he has a pornstache. For another thing, he’s played by Chris Sarandon, an actor who is best known for playing the vampire in the original Fright Night and Prince Humperdink in The Princess Bride. Not surprisingly, it turns out that Michael’s previous wife died under mysterious circumstances. NYPD Detective Rizzo (Christopher Walken) suspects that Michael may have killed her.
(That’s right. Christopher Walken is in this movie but, much like Jeff Goldblum, he doesn’t get to do anything interesting. How can a movie feature two of the quirkiest actors ever and then refuse to give them a chance to act quirky?)
Maybe Alison’s life will improve now that she has a new apartment. It’s a really nice place and her real estate agent is played by Ava Gardner. Alison wants to live on her own for a while. She loves Michael but she needs to find herself. Plus, it doesn’t help that Michael has a pornstache and may have killed his wife…
Unfortunately, as soon as Alison moves in, she starts having weird dreams and visions and all the usual stuff that always happens in movies like this. She also discovers that she has a lot of eccentric neighbors, all of whom are played by semi-familiar character actors. For instance, eccentric old Charles (Burgess Meredith) is always inviting her to wild parties. Her other two neighbors (played by Sylvia Miles and Beverly D’Angelo) are lesbians, which the film presents as being the height of shocking decadence. At first, Alison likes her neighbors but they make so much noise! Eventually, she complains to Ava Gardner. Ava replies that Alison only has one neighbor and that neighbor is neither Burgess Meredith nor a lesbian.
Instead, he’s a blind priest who spends all day sitting at a window. He’s played by John Carradine, who apparently had a few hours to kill in 1977.
But it doesn’t stop there! This movie is full of actors who will be familiar to anyone who enjoys watching TCM. Along with those already mentioned, we also get cameos from Martin Balsam, Jose Ferrer, Arthur Kennedy, Eli Wallach, Richard Dreyfuss, and Tom Berenger. There are 11 Oscar nominees wasted in this stupid film. (Though, in all fairness, Christopher Walken’s nomination came after The Sentinel.)
Personally, The Sentinel bugged me because it’s yet another horror movie that exploits Catholic iconography while totally misstating church dogma. However, the main problem with The Sentinel is that it’s just so incredibly boring. I own it on DVD because I went through a period where I basically bought every horror film that could I find. I’ve watched The Sentinel a handful of times and somehow, I always manage to forget just how mind-numbingly dull this movie really is. There’s a few scary images but mostly, it’s just Burgess Meredith acting eccentric and Chris Sarandon looking mildly annoyed. If you’ve ever seen Rosemary’s Baby, The Exorcist, or The Omen, you’ll figure out immediately what’s going on but The Sentinel still insists on dragging it all out. Watching this movie is about as exciting as watching an Amish blacksmith shoe a horse.
There’s a lot of good actors in the film but it’s obvious that most of them just needed to pick up a paycheck. I’ve read a lot of criticism of Cristina Raines’s lead performance but I actually think she does a pretty good job. It’s not her acting that’s at fault. It’s the film’s stupid script and lackluster direction.
Anchorhead is a thoroughly immersive text adventure of Lovecraft-style horror. Think of it as being the interactive fiction version of a movie like The Dunwich Horror.
Anchorhead is the type of isolated New England village that should be familiar to anyone who has ever read any of Lovecraft’s work. Other than the mysterious obelisks that dot the town, the most interesting thing about Anchorhead is the small university. The library is full of ancient texts, the type that can drive a man mad just from reading them. You and your husband have just inherited a mansion on the outskirts of the town. The previous owner, a distant relative of your husband, recently died under mysterious circumstances.
Anchorhead has an interesting plot, strong writing, and challenging puzzles but the best thing about it is the amount of detail that goes into creating the town, the mansion, and all the characters that you interact with over the course of the story. Not all of the details were necessary to solving Anchorhead‘s mysteries but they did all serve to bring the story to life. After just a few turns, I felt like I was in Anchorhead. I could fully visualize both the town and its inhabitants. Anchorhead also works as a horror story, capturing both the tone and style of H.P. Lovecraft. Considerably more violent and graphic than most text adventures I’ve played, Anchorhead is definitely meant for adults.
Anchorhead is challenging but worth the effort. Several walkthrough can be found online but exploring this story is so rewarding that you might want to take your chances without them.
Dime Mystery Magazine was one of the first of the so-called “weird menace” pulp magazines. Weird menace magazines featured heroes pitted against sadistic villains and cults and were distinguished by their graphic scenes of brutality and torture. Dime Mystery started out as a typical true crime magazine until the editors realized that there was money to be made by mixing crime with horror.
In the 1930s, Dime Mystery was notorious for its controversial covers. If you dare, look below to find out why.
4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films is all about letting the visuals do the talking.
This October, I am going to be using our 4 Shots From 4 Films feature to pay tribute to some of my favorite horror directors, in alphabetical order! That’s right, we’re going from Argento to Zombie in one month!
Today’s director: the master of French surrealism, Jean Rollin!
4 Shots From 4 Films
The Rape of the Vampire (1968, dir by Jean Rollin)
For today’s horror on the lens, we have the 1946 suspense film, The Spiral Staircase!
In this film, Dorothy McGuire plays Helen, a young mute woman who has been hired to serve as a caretaker for wealthy old Mrs. Warren (Ethel Barrymore, who was nominated for an Oscar for this film). At the same time, someone is murdering women in the same town. Are they all connected? Of course, they are! The fun of the movie is discovering how they’re connected.
I was introduced to The Spiral Staircase by my friend and fellow member of the Late Night Movie Gang, Chris Filby. It’s a gothic murder mystery, full of atmosphere and menace. I think you’ll like it so, if you have 80 minutes to spend on it, please watch and enjoy!
For today’s adventure into the world of televised horror, we have another episode of the Boris Karloff-hosted anthology series, Thriller!
In this episode, a concert pianist (Judith Evelyn) is haunted by visions of mysterious piano and the sound of someone playing. Is she losing her mind, is she being set up, or is her house truly haunted? This enjoyable episode was directed by actress Ida Lupino.
This is another one that can be best described as being dumb. Just dumb.
Through the Shattered Lens 