Oh, hey, another Jumanji film!
I didn’t see the last one, even though it looked cute. Maybe I’ll see the new one. Who knows? Dwayne Johnson is always worth taking a chance on.
Here’s the trailer!
With the exception of the Marvel films, franchises have struggled to live up to box office expectations during 2019. Even Toy Story 4 is considered to have had a “soft” opening.
Can Hobbs & Shaw reverse that trend?
We’ll find out soon!
Here’s the final trailer, which was released earlier today. If nothing else, Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham are two action stars with a similar appreciation for the absurd and it’s hard to imagine not having at least a little bit of fun watching them play off of each other for two hours or so.
I thoroughly enjoyed this film!! Why? Because it’s a Dwayne Johnson movie. He’s an actor, a brand, and you know what you’re going to get. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Did it have a couple of slow moments? Yep. Were the characters, especially the villains, one dimensional or 8-Bit? Sure. But, so what? Rampage is fun and sometimes it’s great to take a bath in nostalgia and see some shit blow up.
A Dwayne Johnson movie is really a sub-genre all its very own. I won’t compare it to other movies. His movies are also fun because we just like Dwayne Johnson so much as a Man that we feel like he’s a friend. It becomes reflexive that we hear Dwayne Johnson has a movie out, it’s as if one of our friends just made one. I told a guy at work that I was going to see a Dwayne Johnson movie, he knew exactly what I meant, and he referred to Dwayne Johnson as a National Treasure. Yes, we’re now getting married in the fall and are registered at Pottery Barn.
I played Rampage when I was a wee bairn. In fact, with the help of my friend Robbie, we stayed up all night and destroyed the whole country. Congratulations! I, like every boy in the Y-Generation, was excited for this film. Sidenote: sorry everyone, Millenials are no more, you’ve been folded into Y, but take heart – “Even children get older, I’m gettin older …too.”
An Evil Corporation, run ostensibly by Ivanka Trump and her Generic Trump brother, create a virus that mutate ordinary animals into genetically spliced super-creatures that run amok. That’s it- that’s the plot- and like the video game upon which it was based, Rampage the Film is beautifully Wabi Sabi.
The film begins with The Rock who is closed off from people because after seeing their terrible acts in war and poaching, he just can’t let them in. *sniff* The Rock’s best friend is George- an albino gorilla- who can sign. Soon, the Trump family look alikes’ experiment accidentally infects George, a wolf, a crocodile, and a partridge in a pear tree. The Partridge Monster doesn’t actually destroy anything, but he blatantly re-gifts Christmas presents; therefore, he’s the worst monster of all because he destroys your self-esteem.
George, the wolf, and crocodile get BIGGER, the government – embodied by Jeffrey Dean Morgan- try to stop the monsters, but can’t. Jeffrey becomes an ally of The Rock, helping him along the way with helicopter keys, air strikes, and lending him his edger so The Rock can really make his lawn POP for barbecue season. The Trumps put out a signal to draw the monsters to Chicago, hoping they’ll kill each other off. The Trumps hope that they’ll be able to take a sample of the monster flesh, replicate it, and sell it to whomever. It doesn’t go well. The monsters go nuts. I’m not going to spoil anything. Needless to say, the last 40 minutes of the film are amazingly satisfying.
Congratulations! Dwayne you’ve done it! The Video Game Curse is Broken.
Here’s the Super Bowl teaser for the latest film to star future President Dwayne Johnson, Skyscraper!
Why do people in movies always make the mistake of messing with Dwayne Johnson? Don’t they realize that he’s indestructible?
Here’s the Super Bowl spot for what will probably be my boyfriend’s favorite film of 2017, Baywatch!
I have to agree with Dwayne Johnson. That’s no way to wear the flag.
The Broadcast Film Critics Association have announced their nominees for the 22nd Annual Critics’ Choice Awards and here they are! Once again, in a pattern that will probably see repeated several times of this next month, the nominations were dominated by Moonlight, La La Land, and Manchester By The Sea.
FILM NOMINATIONS FOR THE 22ND ANNUAL CRITICS’ CHOICE AWARDS
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
BEST YOUNG ACTOR/ACTRESS
BEST ACTING ENSEMBLE
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN
BEST COSTUME DESIGN
BEST HAIR & MAKEUP
BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
BEST ACTION MOVIE
BEST ACTOR IN AN ACTION MOVIE
BEST ACTRESS IN AN ACTION MOVIE
BEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY
BEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
BEST SCI-FI/HORROR MOVIE
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Look, I get it.
Everyone’s depressed right now.
That random guy over there is depressed.
Your cat’s depressed because you’re so depressed that you’re probably not feeding him on time.
I’m not depressed but I’m currently pretending that I am in order to show solidarity for the people.
But you know what? No matter how depressed you are, don’t take it out on the movies. I actually had someone tell me recently that he didn’t see how I could worry about movies with so many terrible things happening in the world! Well, listen up — the world may be a terrible movie but movies help to make it a lot more bearable.
For instance, there’s Moana. Moana is the latest Disney film and it is a burst of pure joy, a wonderfully entertaining animated adventure that also carries with it an important, timely, and welcome message of empowerment. Some day, when I have a daughter, Moana is one of the many films that I look forward to watching with her. We’ll watch Moana and then we’ll watch Brave. And then we’ll close things out with Frozen. I can’t wait!
Now, I’ll be honest. The film’s plot, in many ways, sounds like almost every other Disney princess film. Moana (voiced by Auli’i Cravalho) is the headstrong daughter of the chief of a Polynesian tribe. Moana dreams of sailing to the ends of the Earth but her loving but protective father refuses to allow her to go beyond the reef. However, when a force of darkness threatens to consume the island that Moana calls home, she defies her father and sets sail with her pet rooster. The only way to stop the darkness is to track down a demigod named Maui (Dwayne Johnson) and go with him to return a sacred stone to Te Fiti, the island Goddess. (The stone is Te Fiti’s heart.)
Now, that may all sound like typical Disney fare but the brilliant thing about Moana is that it realizes that the plot sounds like typical Disney fare. When Moana finds Maui, he asks her where he animal sidekick is because all princesses travel with an animal sidekick. Moana argues that she’s not a princess but then realizes that, as the chief’s daughter, she kind of is. Moano is full of self-referential humor, the type that tells the audience that we’re all in this together.
Maui himself is a brilliantly animated, written, and voiced parody of the type of muscle-bound character who, in the past, would have automatically been this film’s main character. Dwayne Johnson has always been willing to have fun with his persona and he continues to do that with Maui. For that matter, Heihei the Rooster also pokes fun at the typical Disney animal sidekick. As opposed to the usual all-knowing, often snarky sidekick that we’ve come to expect from Disney, Heihei spends most of his time searching for something to eat. It doesn’t matter if it’s edible or not. He’ll eat it. As a result, Heihei doesn’t really do much to help Moana on her journey but he’s still adorable.
But ultimately, this film is all about Moana and what a wonderful character she is! Strong, independent, intelligent, and occasionally just a little unsure of herself, Moana is perhaps the most 3-dimensional Disney character since Brave‘s Merida. It’s her character (and Auli’i Cravalho’s voicework) that brings the film its humanity and makes it a truly special viewing experience.
Moana is wonderfully animated and if you don’t fall in love with the coconut pirates then there is no hope for you. (Is this film worth seeing in 3D? I would say that it is.) The insanely catchy songs are provided by Lin-Manuel Miranda and Opetaia Foa’i and I’m looking forward to the inevitable Broadway adaptation.
So, seriously — stop feeling sorry for yourself for two hours and go see Moana! You’ll be glad you did.