Hang ‘Em High (1968, directed by Ted Post)

Posted on May 31, 2025 by Jedadiah Leland

1889. The Oklahoma Territory. A former lawman-turned-cattleman named Jed Cooper (Clint Eastwood) is falsely accused of working with a cattle thief. A group of men, led by Captain Wilson (Ed Begley) lynch him and leave Cooper hanging at the end of a rope. Marshal Dave Bliss (Ben Johnson) saves Cooper, cutting him down and then taking him to the courthouse of Judge Adam Fenton (Pat Hingle). Fenton, a notorious hanging judge, is the law in the Oklahoma territory. Fenton makes Cooper a marshal, on the condition that he not seek violent revenge on those who lynched him but that he instead bring them to trial. Cooper agrees.

An American attempt to capture the style of the Italian spaghetti westerns that made Eastwood an international star, Hang ‘Em High gives Eastwood a chance to play a character who is not quite as cynical and certainly not as indestructible as The Man With No Name. Cooper starts the film nearly getting lynched and later, he’s shot and is slowly nursed back to health by a widow (Inger Stevens). Cooper is not a mythical figure like The Man With No Name. He’s an ordinary man who gets a lesson in frontier justice as he discovers that, until Oklahoma becomes a state, Judge Fenton feels that he has no choice but to hang nearly every man convicted of a crime. (Judge Fenton was based on the real-life hanging judge, Isaac Parker.) Over the course of this episodic film, Cooper becomes disgusted with frontier justice.

Hang ‘Em High is a little on the long side but it’s still a good revisionist western, featuring a fine leading performance from Clint Eastwood and an excellent supporting turn from Pat Hingle. The film’s episodic structure allows for Eastwood to interact with a motley crew of memorable character actors, including Bruce Dern, Dennis Hopper, L.Q. Jones, Alan Hale (yes, the Skipper), and Bob Steele. Hang ‘Em High has a rough-hewn authenticity to it, with every scene in Fenton’s courtroom featuring the sound of the gallows in the background, a reminder that justice in the west was often not tempered with mercy.

Historically, Hang ‘Em High is important as both the first film to be produced by Eastwood’s production company, Malpaso, and also the first to feature Eastwood acting opposite his soon-to-be frequent co-star, Pat Hingle. Ted Post would go on to direct Magnum Force.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.14 “Good Neighbors/Captain’s Portrait/Familiar Faces”

Posted on January 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Captain Stubing poses for a portrait.

Episode 5.14 “Good Neighbors/Captain’s Portrait/Familiar Faces”

(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on January 9th, 1982)

Don York (Sonny Shroyer) is an ad man who is so famous that even Gopher knows who he is. Don gets really excited when he sees Doris Weldon (Arlene Golonka) boarding the boat. Don rushes over and starts to hit on her. He even notices that, according to the tag on her luggage, they live in the same building in Los Angeles! They’re neighbors! Too bad Doris refuses to date anyone who lives in the same building as her. Don spends the entire cruise trying to get Doris to reconsider. Personally, I suspected that Doris was just using the “neighbor” thing as an excuse to avoid telling Don that he’s very annoying and kind of pushy. Stuff like that never happens on The Love Boat, though. Instead, Doris is definitely attracted to Don but she doesn’t want him living next door. Will things work out for Don and Doris?

Stan (Dean Butler) and Laura Barber (Mary Beth McDonough) are newlyweds. Stan has the bar exam coming up so he’s brought his law books with him on his honeymoon. (Boo! Nerd!) Stan’s future seems bright until he sees that Frank Jenson (Henry Jones) is also on the cruise. Frank once owned the liquor store where Stan used to hang out when he was an alcoholic. Stan apologizes for stealing from the store. Frank accuses Stan of beating him up, something that Stan says didn’t happen. Will things work for Stan, Laura, and Frank?

Of course, things will work out for them. The is The Love Boat and things always work out on The Love Boat! Both of the stories were okay but they were also kind of boring and predictable. The more interesting story for this cruise featured Lee Meriwether as Barbara Baden, an artist who has been hired by the cruise line to paint a picture of Captain Stubing. Apparently, any captain who sticks with the line for ten years gets their picture painted and hung in the corporate offices.

As you can probably already guess, the Captain and the artist end up falling for each other. And if you didn’t already guess that Barbara’s portrait of the Captain would be a nude portrait that she ends up doing from memory after they become lovers, you’ve really never watched an episode of The Love Boat before. Fortunately, it’s also an abstract painting and no one knows that they’re looking at a nude painting of the Captain. In fact, the painting is so abstract that I get the feeling that the cruise line isn’t going to demand its money back. This story was entertaining due to how uncomfortable Stubing was with being painted. Gavin MacLeod did a good job portraying his nervousness and his panic when he discovered the painting was about to be unveiled made me chuckle a little.

Overall, this was kind of a bland episode. But at least the scenery was pleasant. It still provided a nice hour away from reality.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.10 “A Very Strange Affair/The Sailor”

Posted on September 24, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week’s episode is about angels and Flying Dutchmen.

Episode 5.10 “A Very Strange Affair/The Sailor”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on January 2nd, 1982)

This episode begins not with Mr. Roarke meeting the plane but instead with him heading out alone to the beach, where he meets a ghost ship that is being steered by Captain Hendrik Van Horton. Captain Van Horton is the legendry Flying Dutchman, the sailor who cursed God when he failed to defeat the Spanish fleet and who is now cursed to sail the ocean until he finds a woman who not only loves him but who is “willing to sacrifice her life” for him. Every seven years, Captain Van Horton is allowed to spend two days on dry land and he almost always comes to Fantasy Island.

And yes, this all sounds very intriguing and it is an interesting way to open this episode. I’m so used to the stock footage of Roarke driving down to the docks that it’s always a bit jarring to see something different. However, Captain Van Horton is also played by the reliably stiff (if likable) Peter Graves. Graves’s deadpan and straight-forward acting style made him the ideal actor for certain roles, usually as a professional of some sort. However, Graves’s rather stoic persona did not make him the best choice to play a tortured sea captain, cursed to sail on the ocean for an eternity.

As for his fantasy, the captain is lucky enough to be on the Island at the same time as Laura Myles (Florence Henderson), whose fantasy is to fall in love with an old-fashioned man’s man. She falls for the Captain, despite the attempts of her ex-boyfriend, Bill (Brett Halsey), to win her back. Unfortunately, the Captain loses his temper and punches the well-meaning Bill. Bill is willing to forgive the Captain but Mr. Roarke explains that the Island police are not as forgiving. (Doesn’t Mr. Roarke control the police? It’s his Island!) Captain Van Horton needs to marry Laura and then leave.

Captain Van Horton explains that he’s fallen in love with Laura but he can’t ask her to die for him. Laura says that she would be willing to die for a man who she has known for a day and half. Roarke then reveals that Laura doesn’t have to die. She just has to be “willing to die.” (Wow, what a silly curse!) The Captain and Laura sail off together but you have to wonder how the Captain feels about discovering, after hundreds of years of wandering, that there was an easily exploitable loophole to the curse.

As for the other fantasy, Ron (Dick Smothers) needs some confidence so he’ll be able to talk notorious tightwad, J.D. Stoneman (Hans Conried) i,nto investing in an orphanage. Roarke rings a bell and summons an angel, Miss Harbringer (Shelley Smith). Miss Harbringer gives Ron a pep talk and even goes to talk to Stoneman herself. Of course, Miss Harbringer’s real purpose is to make Ron’s wife, Elaine (Arlene Golonka), so jealous that Elaine will take over and encourage Ron to talk Stoneman into giving him the money.

Anyway, Miss Harbringer flirts with Stoneman and convinces him to invest in a good cause. But she allows Ron and Elaine to believe that it was Ron’s powers of persuasion that convinced Stoneman to invest. It’s kind of sad that Ron and Elaine forget about Miss Harbringer as soon as they get their money but Roarke says that’s the way it is for angels. I don’t think that’s true, though. I bet George Bailey never forgot Clarence.

(Atta boy, Clarence!)

Tattoo is not in this episode so it’s Julie’s turn to assist Mr. Roarke. What’s odd is that the episode doesn’t even offer up any explanation as to where Tattoo has disappeared. This episode was a bit on the blah side so it definitely could have used Tattoo. A random llama shows up at the end of the show and I liked that. Llamas are cute. But otherwise, this was a forgettable trip to the Island.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.1 “The Devil and Mandy Breem/The Millionaire”

Posted on November 21, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost the entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube, Daily Motion, and a few other sites.

This week, season 4 begins with …. THE DEVIL!

Episode 4.1 “The Devil and Mandy Breem/The Millionaire”

(Dir by Vince Edwards, originally aired on October 25th, 1980)

The fourth season of Fantasy Island opens with Mr. Roarke and Tattoo once again upset with each other.

When a man named Fred Catlett (Arte Johnson) wrote to Mr. Roarke and said that his fantasy was to become an instant millionaire, Roarke turned down his fantasy for …. reasons, I guess. Seriously, becoming an instant millionaire sounds like a typical fantasy and I seem to remember that it’s one that Roarke has granted for other guests on the series. I’m not sure why Roarke decided that poor, meek Fred Catlett was somehow unworthy of his fantasy.

For whatever reason, though, Roarke does turn down the fantasy. So, imagine his surprise when Fred shows up on the island! Tattoo explains that he decided to give Fred his fantasy. Roarke tells Tattoo that he’ll receive no help and no money from him. Tattoo is shocked and I’m wondering if this means that Fred will get a refund. I mean, Fantasy Island is not cheap. Actually, if Fred already had enough money to come to Fantasy Island, that does make his fantasy seem a little bit weird. It seems like you have to be a millionaire to get your fantasy in the first place.

Roarke, I should add, is a hypocrite because he totally suspends the rules for this week’s other guest. Mandy Breem (Carol Lynley) has come to the Island with her fantasy being that she wants the Island to save her life. However, Mandy refused to explain all of the details of her fantasy until she came to the Island. Roarke allows her to come, despite not knowing what she wants. If Tattoo did something like that, Roarke would never let him hear the end of it.

So, what is Mandy’s fantasy? A year ago, Mandy’s husband (Adam West) underwent a surgery. Fearful of his life, Mandy made a deal with …. THE DEVIL! She agreed that, if he saved her husband’s life, she would give up her soul in a year’s time. Well, that year is coming to a close and Mandy has come to Fantasy Island, hoping that she can somehow get out of the deal. The Devil (played by a dapper Roddy McDowall) has followed her and soon, Roarke must confront the Lord of Darkness for the sake of Mandy’s soul.

This is a really fun story, largely because the performance of Roddy McDowall as the devil. Wearing a black suit and a white tie and delivering all of his lines with just the right mix of menace, sarcasm, and camp McDowall is the ideal trickster. The smoky confrontation between Roarke and the Devil is the highlight of the episode, with both Montalban and McDowall both seeming to relish they drama of the moment. Ricardo Montalban once said that, while the show’s producers wanted to keep Roarke as enigmatic as possible, he always envisioned Roarke as being a fallen angel who was doing his penance on Fantasy Island. And, indeed, there is a hint of that in his confrontation with the Devil, with the show suggesting that this is neither the first nor the final time that the two shall meet.

As for the other fantasy, Tattoo’s solution is to steal a magic lamp and give it to Mike. Mike rubs the lamp and wishes for a million dollars. A briefcase full of money flies through the sky and lands in front of him. Mike is convinced the magic worked but actually the briefcase was tossed out of a moving car and now, three thieves (Arlene Golonka, Ross Martin, and Joe Turkel) want their money back! It all works out in the end. Despite Roarke’s earlier refusal to grant Fred his wish, this was ultimately a typical Fantasy Island fantasy. While it really couldn’t compete with Mr. Roarke facing off against the Devil, it did, at least, give Tattoo something to do. One gets the feeling that this episode was specifically conceived so that both Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize could get their chance in the spotlight without having to actually interact with each other. And it works out wonderfully, with Tattoo’s silly antics providing a nice balance to the more dramatic stuff involving Mr. Roarke.

All in all, even if it’s obvious that Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize were still not getting along behind the scene, this was a fantastic start for season 4!

Retro Television Reviews: The Bait (dir by Leonard J. Horn)

Posted on September 17, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1973’s The Bait! It can be viewed on YouTube!

Tracey Fleming (Donna Mills) is the widow of a cop and an undercover detective herself. Unfortunately, her superior, Captain Maryk (Michael Constantine), is not convinced that Tracey has what it takes to be in a dangerous situation and, as a result, Tracey spends most of her time riding the bus and busting perverts and low-level drug dealers. When four woman are raped and murdered by the same serial killer, Tracey writes up a report on what she thinks is motivating the killer. Captain Maryk is, at first, skeptical about Tracey’s claim that the killer is fueled by a puritanical rage but, when it turns out that the killer has been wiping off his victims’s lipstick (just as Tracey speculated that he was), Maryk starts to think that Tracey might have something to offer the investigation.

Tracey becomes the bait in an operation to lure out the killer. Leaving behind her son and her mother, Tracey moves into an apartment in the neighborhood that is believed to be the center of the killer’s activities. Tracey is given a job as a survey taker and soon, she’s walking around the neighborhood and asking random men for their opinions on current events and women’s liberation. A local waitress (Arlene Golonka) recognizes Tracey as a detective but Tracey lies and say that she’s no longer with the force. When the killer makes the waitress his next victim, Tracey becomes even more determined to capture him but will she able to get Marsyk and the rest of the force to give her the room to investigate the murders?

This may sound like an intriguing whodunit but, for some reason, The Bait reveals early on that the murderer is a bus driver named Earl Stokely (played, in a very early performance, by William Devane). There’s really nothing to be gained by revealing the killer’s identity as early as the film does. Perhaps if the film was split between scenes of Tracey investigating the neighborhood and Earl stalking Tracey, that would have generated some sort of suspense but, with the exception of one bus ride, Tracey and Earl barely even interact before he comes after her at the film’s end. Devane does give a good performance as a homicidal lunatic but, when viewed today, it’s impossible to watch him in this film without spending most of the time thinking, “Hey, that’s the usually Kennedyesque William Devane, playing a killer bus driver!”

I was not surprised to learn that The Bait was intended to be a pilot for a weekly television series that would have followed the future investigations of Tracey Fleming. Donna Mills was likable in the lead role and she had a good chemistry with the other actors playing her colleagues so it’s easy to imagine a series in which Tracey solved a new case every week while Marsyk continually underestimated her. Ultimately, though, that series never happened and The Bait would be the sole televised adventure of Detective Tracey Fleming.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.4 “Going My Way/Dance with Me/Doc, Be Patient”

Posted on August 30, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week’s cruise is all about love and dancing!

Episode 3.4 “Going My Way/Dance with Me/Doc, Be Patient”

(Dir by Adam Rafkin and James Sheldon, originally aired on September 29th, 1979)

Oh no! The ship has just left port and Doc Bricker has come down with the flu! He’s so sick that he can barely walk without getting dizzy. Fortunately, there’s another doctor on the boat. Dr. Emily Bradford (Susan Sullivan) takes time away from her own vacation to not only look after Doc but also check in on his other patients. I have to admit that I found myself wondering if the cruise line agreed to pay her for filling in for Doc or if she just did it for free. It seems like, if she misdiagnosed anyone on the boat, it would lead to an even bigger lawsuit than usual.

It turns out that Doc is not a particularly good patient. He hates having his temperature taken. He hates getting shots. He even resists allowing Emily to take a look at his throat. But when he ends up sick and delirious, he’s thankful that Emily’s there. In fact, he’s so thankful that he decides that he’s in love with Emily and he wants her to spend all of her time with him! Emily reveals to Doc that he’s doing what so many past patients have done to him, falling in love with the person who takes care of them. A chagrined Doc says that he’s going to have to write a lot of apologies to his former patients.

Probably one of the stranger aspects of The Love Boat has always been the portrayal of Doc Bricker as some sort of decadent swinger. Bernie Kopell was very likable in the role of Adam Bricker but there was also absolutely nothing about him that would make one think that he was some sort of fun-loving satyr. While the show insisted that Doc was a legendary womanizer, he actually came across as being a mild-mannered, slightly out-of-touch but well-meaning suburbanite who just happened to work on a cruise ship. In this episode, Doc actually got to show some vulnerability and it was nice to see. Certainly, Bernie Kopell seemed to be more comfortable playing Doc as someone who hated needles as opposed to as a doctor who casually kept adult magazines in his waiting room.

While Doc came down with the flu, Suzy Butterfield (Arlene Golonka) is determined to still take her cruise despite having been stood up by her boyfriend. Because she has an extra ticket and because she enjoyed the jokes that he told while driving her to the docks, Suzy impulsively invites her cab driver, Mickey Greenbaum (Buddy Hackett) to join her on the cruise. Mickey, an aspiring writer, agrees and I assume he also loses his job as a taxi driver as a result.

On the boat, Suzy recommends women that Mickey could date and Mickey recommend men that Suzy could date but, of course, they’re destined to end up together. And, of course, they do. Mickey even proposes marriage. Yay! This was a sweet story, even if Buddy Hackett wasn’t the most convincing romantic lead. He was ten years older than Arlene Golonka and they had an older brother/little sister chemistry that didn’t exactly translate to romance. But no matter. I was still glad that things worked out for their characters.

Finally, world famous ballet dancer William Delaney (John Meehan) boards that boat with his much younger partner, Joanna (Starr Danias). Also on the cruise is William’s former partner, Marcy McGuire (Carol Lawrence). Marcy now runs a dance academy in Germany and she wants William to teach at the school. William realizes that he’s getting older and that he’s actually holding Joanna back by not retiring. William accepts Marcy’s offer, which Joanna’s misinterprets are William and Marcy having an affair. Fortunately, Captain Stubing is there to help gently explain the whole situation. Both John Meehan and Starr Danias were real-life dancers (To be honest, they were far better at dancing than delivering dialogue.) and the story is really just an excuse for the two of them to perform, together and separately. Starr Danias’s solo performance of Swan Lake was absolutely wonderful and, for me, the highlight of the cruise.

I enjoyed this episode. The passengers were likable, Doc Bricker finally stopped acting like a walking HR nightmare, and best of all …. there was dancing! This was a very enjoyable cruise.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.4 “Baby/Marathon”

Posted on July 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week’s episode is saved by the one and only Herve Villechaize.

Episode 3.4 “Baby/Marathon”

(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on October 5th, 1979)

Fantasy Island is going to be hosting a marathon competition so Tattoo decides to greet Mr. Roarke while carrying a replica of the Olympic Torch.

Tattoo proceeds to light a huge flame in a cauldron. A group of Islanders start trying to splash water on the fire, leading to Tattoo yelling at them to leave the flame alone. Mr. Roarke, who appears to be even more disgusted than usual with Tattoo’s antics, barks at his assistant to put on his tuxedo and head down to the docks so that they can greet their guests.

Bunny Kelly (Barbi Benton), Gretchen Wasserman (Arlene Golanka), and Olaf Olafsen (Peter Isacksen) have all come to the Island so that Olaf can compete in the marathon and hopefully win enough money to keep their barbell factory open. (Don’t blame me, I didn’t write this script.) When Olaf is injured while trying to lift some weights, Bunny enters the marathon in his place! (At first, Bunny tries to disguise herself as Olaf but, when that doesn’t work, Mr. Roarke declares that Bunny can compete as herself.)

Can Bunny defeat the men who have shown up to run the marathon? Well, it won’t be easy. Bruno Glass (Bruce M. Fischer) is so evil that he often stops in the middle of the race so that he can laugh at everyone else’s misfortune. Helping out Bruno is his trainer, Dr. R.M. Funk (Dick Martin). Using techniques that would be more appropriate for a cartoon, Bruno sabotages the other racers. Somehow, Bruno is able to do this despite the fact that the entire race is being televised live to the world. Fear not! With the help of friendly competitor Eugene (Paul Petersen), Kitty makes it to the finish line. When both Kitty and Eugene sprain an ankle towards the finish line, they carry each other to a tied victory! The factory is saved and everyone falls in love!

As you have probably already guessed, the whole marathon was pretty stupid. There really didn’t seem to be any sort of set rules as to how the marathon would be run. Olaf and Gretchen grabbed a car and drove alongside Kitty for most of the race. Meanwhile, Dr. Funk was somehow able to commit numerous acts of open sabotage without anyone noticing. Because Dr. Funk and Bruno were so cartoonish, it made it difficult to take seriously the possibility that they might win. There was no suspense whatsoever, which made for a pretty boring fantasy.

I preferred the episode’s other story, in which Tattoo was placed in charge of finding a family to adopt an orphaned baby. At first, Tattoo wanted to adopt the baby himself but eventually, he realized that the child would be better off with Thomas (Joshua Gallegos) and Mary (BarBara Luna), two Islanders who already had a large family and who had more experience taking care of babies. There was nothing surprising about the story but seriously, Herve Villechaize’s portrayal of Tattoo’s dilemma was surprisingly touching. While Villechaize was notoriously difficult on the set of Fantasy Island, he also used his fame to speak out in support of abused and neglected children and he really seemed to be put his heart into this episode of Fantasy Island. When Tattoo said that he wanted to make sure the baby had the best and most loving home possible, one got the feeling that he was speaking for Villechaize as well.

So, this was yet another mixed episode of Fantasy Island. Ultimately, it was saved by the sincerity of Herve Villechaize.

Retro Television Reviews: The Secret Night Caller (dir by Jerry Jameson)

Posted on April 16, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Though the show pretty much guaranteed that he would forever be a part of the American pop cultural landscape, Robert Reed was not a fan of The Brady Bunch. Onscreen, Reed played Mike Brady, the stern patriarch who always knew the right thing to do and who, as a result, was named father of the year by the local chamber of commerce. (Of course, even though she was responsible for him getting the reward, Mike still grounded Marcia for sneaking out to mail in his nomination forms.) Offscreen, Reed was notoriously difficult, complaining that the scripts for the show were juvenile and shallow. Reed was correct and it should be noted that all of the actors who played the Brady kids have said that Reed never took out his frustration on the cast and actually became a bit of a surrogate father to all of them. Still, you have to wonder what Reed was expecting when he signed up for a show that was created by the man responsible for Gilligan’s Island.

The Brady Bunch was cancelled in 1974, temporarily setting Robert Reed free from the burden of playing Mike Brady. (Of course, he would later return to the role in The Brady Bunch Hour and we all know how that turned out.) One of the first post-Brady movies that Reed starred in was The Secret Night Caller.

In this film, Reed plays a seemingly mild-mannered IRS (booo!) agent named Freddy Durant. Freddy has a good career and a nice home but he’s deeply unsatisfied. He barely communicates with his wife, Pat (Hope Lange). He freaks out over his teenage daughter, Jan (Robin Mattson), wearing a bikini. He fantasies about hitting on almost every woman that he sees. He hangs out at a strip club and, when he’s really feeling unsatisfied, he makes obscene phone calls! Because this is a made-for-TV movie from the 70s, we never actually get to hear what Freddy says on the phone but he manages to disgust and/or horrify everyone who has the misfortune to answer his call. He even calls a woman who works in his office, scaring Charlotte (Arlene Golonka) so much that she subsequently has an auto accident. Unfortunately, for Freddy, one of his victims, a stripper named Chloe (Elaine Giftos), recognizes his voice and tries to blackmail him. Freddy’s life is falling apart. Can his psychiatrist (played by Michael Constantine) help him put it all back together again?

Freddy Durant is obviously meant to come across as being the exact opposite of Mike Brady. (Of course, many of us who have seen The Brady Bunch have our suspicions about what Mike was actually doing in his office….) Whereas Mike Brady was the perfect father, Freddy is cold, distant, and repressed. Reed is convincingly uptight as Freddy and he’s surrounded by a fine supporting cast, including Sylvia Sidney as his disapproving mother-in-law. That said, it’s still impossible to watch this show without thinking to yourself, “There’s Mike Brady making an obscene phone call.” That’s the difficulty of typecasting unfortunately. For all of his efforts to escape the shadow of the Brady Bunch, it’s impossible not to associate Robert Reed with the show, even when he’s talking dirty on the phone.

Retro Television Reviews: The Elevator (dir by Jerry Jameson)

Posted on January 22, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Marvin Ellis (Roddy McDowall) hates his job. He’s been assigned to be the manager of a new high-rise office building. Parts of the building are still under construction but that hasn’t stopped the company that owns it from selling out office space. When Mrs. Kenyon (Myrna Loy) comes by and asks to look at the top floor penthouse, Ellis agrees. In public, Ellis is always friendly and always courteous. It’s only under the most stressful of circumstances that Ellis reveals that he feels as if the building has been built of out lies and cheap material.

Ellis and Kenyon soon find themselves in a stressful situation when they are trapped in an elevator. Of course, they’re not alone in the elevator. There’s also Dr. Reynolds (Craig Stevens), his wife (Teresa Wright), and his mistress (Arlene Golonka). And then there’s Robert Peters (Barry Livingston), a teenager who has inherited a fortune. And finally, there’s Eddie Holcomb (James Farentino). Eddie has a suitcase full of money that he’s stolen from an office in the building. He’s also got a loaded gun. And, perhaps worst of all, he has an intense fear of tight places. The longer that he’s trapped in the elevator, the worse his claustrophobia becomes.

Because the building isn’t really finished yet, the elevator’s alarm button doesn’t really work. Other than the passengers trapped inside, the only people who know about the stalled elevator are Eddie’s partners-in-crime. Irene (Carol Lynley) is Eddie’s girlfriend and she just wants to get the situation resolved with as little violence as possible. Pete (Don Stroud) is Eddie’s sociopathic friend. Pete is not only determined to rescue Eddie and retrieve the suitcase. He’s also determined to take care of any potential witnesses by killing everyone on the elevator.

The Elevator is a disaster film, along the lines of Airport and The Towering Inferno. Due to the hubris of a faceless corporation, a group of people find themselves trapped in a potentially catastrophic situation. Some of them react with bravery. Some of them react with cowardice. All of them get a chance to reveal a bit of who they are on the inside. Some might say that being trapped in an elevator is not quite as bad being trapped in a fiery skyscraper or being a passenger on a airplane that’s being held hostage by a mad bomber. Technically, they’re right but I am also going to admit right now that I absolutely hate elevators and I try to avoid them whenever I can. I always say that this is because running up and down several flights of stairs is a good way to keep my legs looking good and certainly that’s part of it. But an even bigger reason is that I dread the thought of being stuck in a confined space with a bunch of strangers. If I was on an elevator that was stuck between floors, I would probably lose my mind. I have a hard enough time just standing in line for longer than 3 minutes. As directed by Jerry Jameson, The Elevator does as good job of capturing the feeling of being trapped in a small space. It’s not a film to watch if you have claustrophobia.

As for the cast, Myrna Loy is a delight as the eccentric Mrs. Kenyon. And seriously, how can you dislike any film that gives Roddy McDowall a monologue about how much he hates skyscrapers? It’s an entertaining, if undemanding, film. After watching The Elevator, I’ll keep taking the stairs.

Back to School #30: My Tutor (dir by George Bowers)

Posted on August 31, 2014 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s the house.

I was recently trying to figure out what it was exactly that I enjoyed about the 1983 teen comedy My Tutor and I finally realized that it all came down to the house. Like almost every other teen film released in the 1980s, My Tutor is about rich people. The main character, recent high school graduate and frustrated virgin Bobby Chrystal (Matt Lattanzi), lives in an absolutely gorgeous house. There’s a huge pool in back and even the guest house appears to be bigger than any place that I’ve ever lived. Bobby lives in the type of mansion that I’ve always wanted to live in. For me, the best parts of My Tutor are the scenes that simply follow Bobby as he walks around the grounds of his home.

I just like seeing where people live.

I first came across My Tutor about two years ago when I got the Too Cool For School DVD box set from Mill Creek Entertainment. My Tutor was one of the 12 movies included in the box set and it was one of the first that I watched, just because the title seemed to promise all sorts of sordid fun. Looking back on the first time that I ever watched the film, my main impressions were that the film’s central plot — the affair between Bobby and his French tutor, Terry (Caren Kaye) — was actually handled with a surprising amount of sensitivity, that the great Kevin McCarthy was ideally cast as Bobby’s wealthy but sleazy father, and that the house was really nice.

Is that really proper teacher attire?

When I rewatched the film for this review, I quickly discovered that I had either forgotten or managed to block from my mind about 5o% of the movie. Because, before Bobby and Terry take the fateful midnight swim that leads to their affair, the movie largely focuses on the efforts of Bobby and his friend Jack (the reliably weird and nerdy Crispin Glover) to each lose his virginity. The first half of the film is pretty much dominated by cartoonish scenes of Bobby passing out drunk at a brothel and Jack and his brother Billy (Clark Brandon) trying to pick up two female mud wrestlers. (If you have bondage fantasies about Crispin Glover, I guess this is the film to see.) At one point, all of the film’s action stops so that Bobby can have an elaborate fantasy about having sex with a girl that we’ve barely seen before and will never see again.

Bobby has problems beyond just his virginity. A recent high school graduate, he still has to retake and pass a French exam if he’s going to have any hope of getting into Yale. (Yale was where his father went to college. Bobby says he wants to go to UCLA and study the skies, even though he doesn’t ever say anything about astronomy beyond that he wants to major in it.) Bobby’s father hires him a tutor. Terry is only ten years older than Bobby and has just recently broken up with her boyfriend. She enjoys nude midnight swims, riding on motor scooters, and aerobic exercise. Before you know it, Terry and Bobby are having an affair, Bobby’s father is hitting on Terry, and Terry’s ex-boyfriend keeps coming up to the house searching for her.

The perfect couple

And what’s surprising is that, once Bobby and Terry become lovers, the film changes. Well, it changes a little. Don’t get me wrong — it doesn’t suddenly turn into a great (or even a good) movie or anything like that. But the film really does make an attempt to realistically deal with the relationship between Bobby and Terry. Terry doesn’t suddenly abandon her dreams or her plans just because she’s now secretly sleeping with Bobby. Instead, Terry remains just as independent as before and, unlike a lot of films of the period, the film doesn’t condemn her for wanting a life of her own. If anything, the film chastises Bobby whenever he gets overly possessive of her. In the end, the movie suggests that the most important lessons Bobby learned weren’t about sex but instead, were about Terry’s right to live her own life.

Oddly enough, hiding within this typical teen comedy, there’s a surprisingly bittersweet film. Perhaps less surprisingly, this film — like The Young Graduates, The Teacher, Trip With The Teacher, Coach, and Malibu High — was yet another teacher-student-sex film produced by Crown International Pictures. Nobody handled potentially icky exploitation with quite the wit and grace of Crown International.