Review: Game of Thrones Ep. 02 “The Kingsroad”

Posted on April 25, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

With Arleigh being away in Boston this weekend, I’ve agreed to attempt to review the second episode of Game Of Thrones, The Kingsroad. I say attempt because, unlike Arleigh and a lot of our regular readers, I am totally and completely unfamiliar with the books that this show is based on.

In other words, up until last week, I was a virgin, at least as far as Game of Thrones was concerned. And while I’m happy to say that losing my Game of Thrones virginity was actually a lot more enjoyable than losing my actual virginity, it still left me, in many ways, just as confused. Who are all these people? I wondered as I watched the 1st episode. Other thoughts that I can remember off the top of my head: Awww…cute little wolves! Wait, is he the king? My red hair is prettier than hers. What the Hell’s going on? Hey, it’s that guy! Huh? Peter Dinklage for the win! What? Huh? Oh shit, that kid’s going to leave a mess when he lands!

Unlike those of you who have read the books, I came into Game of Thrones with absolutely no tools to help me keep everything straight. But yet, through a combination of surprisingly sincere performances, intriguing plot twists, and hot guys acting like men, the show held my interest to enough of an extent that I decided to come this week and get confused all over again.

So, what about this latest episode? Well, looking at it from the point of view of someone who is still learning this show’s language, I think The Kingsroad was the perfect follow-up. After the somewhat frantic pilot episode, Kingsroad slowed the story down a bit and instead devoted most of its time to allowing us to get to know the characters and filling in a lot of backstory. If the first episode concentrated on making the character watchable, this episode concentrates on making the characters into human beings with all the individual quirks, flaws, and strengths that go along with being human. The pilot told us why we should watch. This episode gave us some clues as to why we should care.

After seeing tonight’s episode, there’s still a lot that I don’t understand but I understand enough to know that Joffrey’s a little punk and Tyrion — Tyrion just flat out rocks. (Though, and this is how much of freaking newbie I really am, I originally called him Tyrone throughout this entire review.)

Below are ten other somewhat random thoughts inspired by watching the second episode of Games of Thrones.

1) If I came away with anything from tonight’s episode, it’s that I really need to get myself one of those dire wolves. Over the course of this latest episode, I saw one wolf rip open an assassin’s throat while another one attacked that hateful little brat Joffrey. I mean, I love my cat but the only person he’s willing to attack is me. As long as he gets fed, he doesn’t care if I live or die.

2) But then there was that heart breaking moment when Nedd had to kill Sansa’s dire wolf. I have to admit that I was cringing when I first saw Nedd holding that blade and that I kinda breathed a sigh of relief when I realize that they weren’t actually going to show it happen. But then that pathetic yelp erupted on the soundtrack and it just left me heartbroken.

3) Which is why I can now say that I will probably never dislike another character as intensely as I now dislike Joffrey. In retrospect, the most satisfying part of this episode was watching Tyrion slap Joffrey around at the beginning.

4) And speaking of Tyrion, Peter Dinklage kicks so much serious ass that I don’t even know where to start in praising his performance. His big scene here (outside of slapping around Joffrey) was when he explained to Jon that, if he was a peasant, he would have been left in the forest to die. He delivered the line with the perfect combination of cynicism, weariness, and dark humor. It’s too early to say for sure but I may have found someone to fill the Josh Halloway-shaped void in my heart that was created when Lost ended.

5) I have to say that Sansa, with her refusal to stand-up for her younger sister and her reference to the wounded Joffrey as her “poor prince,” is not doing her fellow redheads proud. Of course, I’m sure some of it has to do with the fact that she’s kind of overshadowed by her far cooler baby sister. I guess that has to be difficult to deal with. Next chance I get, I’ll ask my older sisters about it to find out for sure. 🙂

6) The majority of this episode’s actual “plot” centered around Bran who was last seen getting kicked out of a very high window. Shockingly enough, he’s still alive but he spends most of the show in a coma. To be honest, there was only one false moment for me in this episode and it came when Catelyn found that hair at the “scene of the crime.” I mean, what’s she going to do with it? Call in David Caruso and have him take it back to Miami to be analyzed? Still, I enjoyed the look on the faces of both Cersei and Jaime when they heard that Bran was alive.

7) One thing that I am greatly enjoying about this show is the way that the personal and the political mix throughout the story. For all the plotting and talk of strategy, most of the show’s past and future conflict appears to be largely the result of wounded pride, jealousy, insecurity, and miscommunication. Just like in real life and that, I think, is why this show will survive and why I will continue to watch it even if I am never 100% sure just what exactly is really going on.

8 ) I’m actually enjoying the fact that Game of Thrones takes a bit of effort to follow. It was actually a pretty wise choice on the show’s producers’ part to just jump right into the action. It makes the show feel real and relatable. It allows even those of us who haven’t read the books to enjoy it.

9) So, did all you guys out there enjoy watching Daenerys learning how to pleasure her scary giant of a husband? It’s okay if you did because I did and I’m a card-carrying Ms. 45 feminist. Fact of the matter is that, once you get through all of the usual “quality television” arguments, the main appeal of HBO is that its quality television with frequent frontal nudity. (That’s why me and Erin used to secretly watch Oz when we were younger.) And Daenerys’ demand that Drogo at least look at her face while using her — well, who couldn’t relate to that?

10) Finally, I have to mention that this show has got to have one of the best opening credit sequences ever! Seriously, that majestic yet ominous music playing over images of a civilization being created, it’s a wonderful combination and definitely one that I hope to see for many more weeks to come.

Review: Game of Thrones Ep. 01 “Winter Is Coming”

Posted on April 17, 2011 by Arleigh

[some spoilers]

George R.R. Martin’s historical fantasy series, A Song of Ice and Fire, has been decades in the making and has gained such a massive and loyal following that when news arrived several years back that HBO will adapt the first book in the series, A Game of Thrones, the news was welcome with cheers and some trepidation. Cheers because finally one of the most beloved fantasy novels of the last couple decades was finally getting a live-action treatment it’s fans were clamoring for. The trepidation came from these very same fans hoping that those involved in adapting the book didn’t screw things up and ruin something very precious to them.

Showrunners David Benioff and Dan Weiss have adapted what some consider a very complex and dense fantasy novel and came up with something that stays true to the source material while still keeping things from becoming too overly complicated. The first episode is aptly titled, “Winter Is Coming” and we see the show begin with an impressive panoramic scene showing the Wall in all its imposing grandeur as several member’s of it’s Nightwatch Brotherhood venture north of it into the snow-covered, icy wasteland in search of the nomadic wildlings. Their search find them not just a tribe of wildlings (not in a condition one would consider living) and something else which their Brotherhood were created to protect the rest of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros south of the wall from. The Others make a brief and chilling appearance in the first ten minutes of the episode to give a glimpse as to the true danger poised to strike down on Westeros.

The episode soon moves to the kingdom who stands guard just south of the Wall and whose lord, Eddard Stark, stands to be one of the first line of defense against the winter that is coming and the dangers it brings. Lord Eddard “Ned” Stark is the sort of noble, uncompromising lord that stories of chivalry have taught readers for hundreds of years, but who really is the rare gem in a sea of rough and flawed stones that make up the other lords and knights of the Seven Kingdoms. We see him tending to his castle-fortress of Winterfell as he oversees not just his growing sons and daughters, but the sudden news that his old friend and liege, King Robert Baratheon (played with gluttonous glee by Mark Addy), will be arriving with his entourage to Winterfell.

The episode is slighty a few minutes above an hour in running time and in that time Benioff and Weiss were able to introduce a multitude of characters both large and small which would remain important throughout this series’ 10-episode run. We meet the rest of the Stark clan from Ned’s loyal and down-to-earth wife Catelyn (from House Tully) to his sons, Robb, Bran, Rickon and Jon Snow (Ned’s bastard son hence the “Snow” surname). Then there are his two daughters who are sun and moon in difference with Sansa the older and more social-conscious daughter to Arya the tomboy younger sister who wishes nothing more than to learn how to be a knight. Maisie Williams as Arya Stark is a joy to watch in her brief scenes in the episode. She fully embodies the spirit of Arya which has made the character such a fan favorite since she was first introduced by Martin to readers everywhere in August 1996.

Other fine performances of note in the episode were the ones put forth by Peter Dinklage as the dwarf Lannister brother to the gleaming beauties of his twin siblings, Queen Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey in a haughty performance so similar to her Gorgo role in 300, but minus the nobility inherent in the title) and Jaime “Kingslayer” Lannister (Nicolas Coster-Waldau playing the role as a bon vivant, pretty boy knight). It doesn’t take long to see Dinklage not as a dwarf actor playing a dwarf role, but just as Tyrion the bitter, world-weary son who knows his place in the scheme of things and have accepted them thus making him one of the most honest characters in this episode to date outside of Ned Stark.

The cinematography for this first episode was stunning to say the least. From the frozen forests and domain north of the Wall shot in such stark white and blues to the lush and earthy look given to the tropical domain of the Dothraki where the surviving children of the former king of Westeros now reside looking to find allies to retake their rightful place as ruler of the Seven Kingdoms. Even Winterfell is given such loving detail in how its shot to allow it to gain a semblance of personality. A personality of a kingdom harsh and one to brook the foolhardy and soft. Winterfell looks like a place that produces hardy, fatalistic, but able men willing to do that which must be done.

For fans of the book this episode shouldn’t be too difficult to follow despite all the characters being introduced. In fact, for a first episode it really packs in the details that set’s up what will become the many different plot strands that will begin to weave itself into complex tapestry of a tale that will take audiences from the stark realm of the The Wall and Winterfell to the lush seat of power at King’s Landing to the tropical and savannah flatlands for the Dothraki realm. It’s this attention to detail that may lose some non-fans of the books as it could be too much too handle right away. But I think viewers of HBO drama series of the past should be well-versed in juggling such amounts of details right from the get-go. If loyal fans of the Wire, Oz, Deadwood, True Blood and The Sopranos can attest to it’s learning how to handle such details in stride and just let the story take them away.

“Winter Is Coming” goes a long way towards quieting any lasting trepidations fans of the novels may have of this live-action adaptation. All the hype and media ad blitz HBO has created to push this series had given it a high bar to reach before an episode had even aired, but now that the first one has aired I’m happy to say that it more than reached that high bar and looks to surpass it with each coming new episode. If there was ever a scent that should truly sell this show to fans and non-fans alike it is the final three minutes. As lurid and licentious a sequence as it may be it is also one that sets the wheels turning for the rest of the series and show that Game of Thrones is not your typical fantasy drama on TV.

As an aside, the second viewing of this episode I ended up muting the early intro sequence and just listened to German power metal band’s song about Game of Thrones…it actually fit in well according to my fantasy nerd sensibilities.

What Lisa Watched Last Night: The Haunting of Sorority Row (dir by Bert Kish)

Posted on April 9, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On Friday night, after we saw the movie Hanna, a friend Jeff and I returned back to my house and retreated to my bedroom where he eventually fell asleep and I tried to sleep. Insomnia, however, won out and I ended up watching a Lifetime horror movie called The Haunting on Sorority Row.

Why Was I Watching It?

I couldn’t get to sleep. Poor me. So, I turned on the TV, checked out what was on the DVR, and as soon as I saw The Haunting of Sorority Row, I knew what I had to do. Somehow, I forgot that, regardless of how low I turned down the sound the last time I was watching it, whenever I turn on my TV, the volume is always reset to full blast. So, as soon as I hit play, the TV literally thundered to life and woke up not only Jeff but probably the rest of the neighborhood as well.

As I frantically turned down the volume, Jeff sat up in bed and asked, “What’s this?”

“It’s a movie,” I said, “Sorry, I couldn’t sleep.”

“I bet it’s a horror film,” he said.

“Yeah,” I nodded. Then I looked over my shoulder, gave him my wicked little smile (well, I like to think of it as being my wicked little smile), and I added, “It’s a Lifetime horror film.”

“Oh,” he replied, sounding much less enthusiastic.

Anyway, The Haunting of Sorority Row put him back to sleep in about five minutes. Me, I still haven’t slept which is why I’m still sitting here in my beloved Pirates t-shirt while Jeff peacefully sleeps behind me. Maybe after I finish writing this, I’ll give sleep another chance.

What’s The Movie About?

It’s about a haunting on sorority row. More specifically, it’s about a really angry ghost who is determined to kill the four sorority sisters who are hiding a secret. Their ringleader is Leslie who is played by an actress named Lisa Marie Caruk. And that’s a great name. Anyway, Blair Waldorf herself, Leighton Meester, is also pledging this haunted sorority and she is determined to set things right.

What Worked?

Oh, this is a Lifetime Movie so everything worked. I mean, you know what you’re getting with Lifetime and part of the reason why we love Lifetime movies is because they’re all exactly the same. The perfect Lifetime Movie is the epitome of a stupid movie that can be best enjoyed by intelligent women with a healthy sense of the absurd. I’d like to think that I qualify on all three of those.

That said, there were a few things that worked even if you decided to ignore the fact that they were found in a Lifetime film. Not surprisingly, the nearly-all female cast was a lot more likable and their roles were a bit more developed than you’d expect to find in a horror film. Leighton Meester is probably one of the most underrated actresses working right now and she does a great job playing the film’s “final girl” while Lisa Marie Caruk has a lot of fun playing the bullying head of the Sorority.

Another thing that worked here was the great pleasure that I got out of imagining how many of you guys rented this film thinking it was a typical, Dead Women In Lingerie Slasher Film just to discover that it was instead a Lifetime movie.

What Didn’t Work?

This film works pretty well as a Lifetime movie but it totally sucks as a horror film. A lot of this is due to the fact that this is a TV movie which pretty much means that it can’t really show anything that would scare us.

As often happens in Lifetime movies, the main character’s boyfriend is a eunuch. In this one, we’re asked to believe that an 18 year-old boy would refuse to have premarital sex with Leighton Meester. Yeah, right. Because boys have so much self-control…

Finally, this is another one of those films that suffers from having a final twist that’s so obvious that most viewers will figure it out before the movie even begins. Yes, it’s that obvious.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

There’s a scene in which one of the unfortunately sorority sisters ends up getting trapped in the shower and scalded to death by hot water. This is scene vaguely disturbed me because 1) I’m claustrophobic, 2) I have a fear of scalding water, and 3) I’ve actually managed to get trapped in a shower before and I had to scream and scream until someone heard me, ran into the bathroom, and told me that I needed to pull (as opposed to pushing) the shower door in order to open it. Of course, my hands and arms were too busy trying to cover up me for me to take his advice on the door. So, I said. “Thank you. sir,” and then waited until he left.

Otherwise, it was hard for me to relate to this film because I never pledged nor did I ever want to pledge a sorority in college. I was actually invited to do so by one of them but, at the time, I said, “No, that’s way too bourgeois for me.”

“Bourgeois?” she replied, confused.

Lessons Learned

I definitely did the right thing by never joining a sorority.

What Lisa Watched Last Night: Basement Jack (dir. by Michael Shelton)

Posted on April 3, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

There’s several very good films that I need to review over the next few days but, at the moment, I really need to write about Basement Jack, a low-budget 2009 slasher film that I watched on Chiller. Why do I need to write about Basement Jack? Well, I’m already hesitant to go to sleep because I know I’m going to have nightmares about this film. So, consider this to be my attempt at a quickie exorcism. Indulge me because I need to get this film out of my system.

Why Was I Watching This:

I love horror movies and, even though they always seem to end up giving me nightmares, these old school slasher films are like catnip to me. I can’t resist watching them, if just to see if they can keep the inherently predictable conventions of genre interesting.

What’s The Movie About:

Basement Jack (Eric Peter Kaiser) is a serial killer because when you’ve got a name like Basement Jack, it’s not like you’re going to become an accountant. Anyway, Jack’s thing is that he goes from town-to-town, selects a family to kill, and then secretly moves into their basement until there’s a thunder-storm. Once it starts raining, Jack proceeds to brutally kill the family.

Karen (Michelle Marrow) is only person to have ever survived being attacked by Jack. Now, Jack is obsessed with Karen and follows her from town to town. So, Karen decides to turn the tables and she starts following Jack. Except, of course, Jack was already following her so it would seem like for her to follow him, all she would really have to do would be turn around. But anyway, I guess the important thing is that Karen-and-Jack have one of those hunter/hunted connections.

Jack and Karen both end up in a new small town where Jack sets off on another murder spree while Karen hunts for him. She does this by teaming up with a seriously incompetent cop named Chris (Sam Skoryna). Unfortunately, all of Chris’s fellow officers are 1) convinced that Karen is the murderer and 2) kinda stupid. Will Karen be able to convince the cops that Jack is real? Will Jack continually manage to stand back up after taking more damage than anyone should, realistically, be able to take? And most importantly, will Lisa be able to sleep tonight?

What Worked?

Oh my God, this film should not have disturbed me as much as it did. Seriously, I’ve seen thousands of horror movies that all had better production values, better gore effects, and better acting. And yet, Basement Jack really made me paranoid. I think that’s because director Shelton does manage to create a legitimate feeling of dread that saturates every ludicrous frame of this movie. There is remarkably little humor in this film and, as opposed to a lot of slasher films, all of the victims here just come across as normal, likable people (as opposed to being slasher movie stereotypes).

Kaiser is a genuinely scary killer and Morrow makes for a sympathetic protagonist. She brings a lot of conviction to her role. Exploitation vet Lynn Lowry (remember her from the original Crazies and I Drink Your Blood?) plays Basement Jack’s domineering mother and wow, she is scary.

Now, I’m going to admit there’s one image in this film that I know is going to give me nightmares tonight. It’s of a policewoman who, after being gutted by Jack, is seen lying on the floor, trying to stuff her intestines back into her body and oh my God, I wish I hadn’t seen that because it really got to me. I’ve read several other reviews that have all criticized the CGI gore effects as looking fake. Maybe they do, I’m not really an expert on anatomy. All I know is that image of those intestines sprouting out across a twitching body; that image is trapped in my head. It’s something that I truly wish I hadn’t seen but I still have to list it as something that worked because film horror is supposed to leave the viewer uncomfortable.

What Didn’t Work:

Oh, trust me, a lot didn’t work. Like most slasher films, this one was riddled with a combination of plot holes and characters just acting as stupid as can be.

As our male lead, Sam Skoryna displayed all the charisma of a spilled intestine and, to be honest, most of the other actors gave performances that were fairly atrocious. For some reason, one of the film’s detectives is played by musician Billy Morrison and his English accent is just so jarringly out-of-place in the film’s middle American setting. (What makes the situation especially odd is that no one in the film ever comments on his accent. Trust me — I live in middle America. Hell, I’ll be really pretentious — I mean like Sasha Stone pretentious — and say that I am Middle America. No, actually, forget I said that. That sounds really stupid. Anyway, my point is that if you’re the only Englishman in town, people are going to remind you of that every chance they get.)

An attempt was made to give Basement Jack some backstory and to explain why he does what he does. And by that, I mean that this is one of those movies where the action comes to a sudden halt every few minutes juts so we can be told that a man,who hides in people’s basements and only kills when it’s raining, is mentally ill. Gee, filmmakers, thanks for clearing that up.

And finally (SPOILER!), I am so sick of seeing slasher movies that end with a close-up of the killer’s signature killing tool just so we can suddenly see the killer’s hand come out of nowhere and grab the weapon. I mean, is anyone ever surprised by this anymore? I guess, at one time, this seemed like a twist ending but today, it just comes across as being lazy. (END OF SPOILER!)

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments:

Just like our heroine Karen, I usually try to flirt my way out of traffic tickets as well.

Lessons Learned:

It doesn’t take much to give me nightmares.

WonderCon 2011 One-Day Experience

Posted on April 3, 2011 by Arleigh

It’s been awhile since I attended San Francisco’s WonderCon (it used to be held in Oakland until 2001) and on Saturday, April 2, 2011, I was finally able to check it out once again even if just for a day. This trip into The City to attend WonderCon was actually a last minute deal. I actually bought my One-Day Pass from the WonderCon online site just the day before. I usually like to plan these con excursions in advance so I know which panels to visit and how much to bring to spend. Being a last minute decision I didn’t really plan on spending any amount past what I wanted to eat and panels ended up just being the ones WonderCon had lined-up for upcoming films.

I took BART into the city around 9:30AM and arrived at the Moscone Center South building around 10:20 or so to pick-up my badge. Unlike my experience at Anime Boston 2008 and Anime Expo 2010, getting my badge (even just a one-day one) was pretty painless. Despite a crowd that was already numbering around 10000-plus strong (in my visual estimation and with unofficial total attendance looking to be as high as 40000+) I got through to the pre-register line in less than 10 minutes just in time for me to begin my walk of the Exhibit’s Hall where the dealer tables and exihbitor’s booth were set-up.

For the next hour or so I just walked around the Exhibit Hall just looking at the items for sale and the many comic book related stuff that I used to collect religiously (the thousands upon thousands of bagged and boarded comic books in my house would attest to zealotry). I was surprised to see a lot more indepedent comic book tables. I was also very surprised to notice that the Marvel and DC booths were smaller than I had anticipated. Maybe the bigger booths for these two giants were being saved for San Diego Comic-Con, but with WonderCon getting bigger and bigger each year I thought they’d at least make an effort.

I was very surprised to notice that at least a quarter of the dealer’s tables were dedicated to anime and manga related items. One dealer’s table (more like a booth actually) was all about Gundam and other mecha kits). If I had actually planned ahead for this convention I definitely would’ve dropped at least a couple hundred dollars on several model kits I saw which had me drooling. Below are just a few of the kits that I wouldn’t have minded buying.

Once my time walking around the Exhibit’s Hall was done I knew I needed to get in line for the start of the first film panel that was going to be held at the Esplanade Ballroom. I ended up being in the middle pack of the line despite the line already having wound it’s way outside the Center. The Ballroom looked to have enough space and seats to seat 5000-plus attendees. The line was actually organized very well (I think this is where anime cons could take a lesson from the WonderCon and SDCC organizers). No one was complaining as the volunteers manning the line knew how to keep things organized and actually had the info on whether there was enough room in the Ballroom to accomodate everyone.

The first panel was the upcoming Jon Favreau western and sci-fi mash-up, Cowboys & Aliens, which started around 1pm. There was none of the cast on-stage, but writer-proder Robert Orci and the director himself, Jon Favreau were in attendance. One thing which Favreau said to start off the panel which I (and probably some of the many veteran con attendees) agree on was how WonderCon was beginning to become a major stopover for film studios wanting to promote their big tentpole, genre films.Once the initial talk was over and done with Favreau announced to the crowd that we would be seeing a WonderCon-exclusive 9-minute footage that will never be shown elsewhere with scene that will only be seen once the film was out. This got a huge positive response from the crowd and the footgae didn’t disappoint. It had the right amount of seriousness to the scenes with enough comedy from how these Western-period characters were reacting to a sudden invasion of cosmic proportions.

The rest of the film panels I was able to see were the one’s for the upcoming films Hanna and Immortals. The former had director Joe Wright and the film’s titular star, Saoirse Ronan (who was quite the charming Scottish lass and decided to wear a Wonder Woman tee for her very first comic book convention) on-stage talking about the film. This panel was actually quite good in that several clips from the film were shown to highlight some of the ideas and themes Wright was going for. One thing which got a loud response (positive it seems) was how Wright and Ronan wanted Hanna to showcase the idea of girl empowerment through their use of their minds instead of falling back on Hollywood’s idea of hypersexuality as the one and only way to empower females. To say that Joe Wright didn’t agree with Zack Snyder’s attempt at girl empowerment would be an understatement. I don’t agree with his entire explanation, but then again I don’t think he’s seen Sucker Punch so he’s basing it on the promotional materials.

Tarsem Singh’s Immortals would be the last panel I would see and the film definitely looks to have a 300 vibe to it, but even more fantastical with Greek pantheon getting involved in the matter. A huge response from the female audience roared when the film’s star in Henry Cavill appeared onstage. I like him in Showtime’s The Tudors and still remember him being the young teen in The Count of Monte Cristo, but seeing him onstage made me see what Snyder saw in Cavill. My apprehension in him becoming the next Superman has been tempered now and I hope he does very well in the part.

Well, that final panel ended my day at WonderCon 2011. There were several things I observed which made me hopeful that future WonderCon’s will be something I plan for instead of just trying out. The crowd in attendance by mid-day was bigger than Anime Boston and was almost as large, if not bigger, than Anime Expo 2010. For some the crowd might not have looked that big, but the spacious Moscone Center South building looked as if it could accomodate even more people. The spaciousness of the building allowed for people not to be packed in too tightly while walking around. It is no wonder that Hollywood studios are now seeing WonderCon as an alternate destination, or at least a complementary one, to San Diego Comic-Con to promote their films.

San Diego Comic-Con will always be the big destination but with that event becoming so huge the last half decade other venues became places that could accomodate the studios. One thing I heard people (especially bloggers and entertainment reporters) about San Diego Comic-Con was how many films were being promoted and how those attending looking to write about it could never get to see all of them. This wasn’t the case with WonderCon. Everyone who got into the Esplanade Ballroom could see all the film panels and some never left their chairs once the room opened up.

While a One-Day Pass may seem enough to see all that WonderCon had to offer I think the next time I attend I shall plan ahead and get a 3-Day Pass instead to get the full experience. I will say that this day was a good practice for when I attend Anime Boston 2011 in less than 3 weeks. Here’s to hoping that the organizers of Anime Boston continue to get better with their logistics. As much as I prefer anime and manga to comic books nowadays, the anime/manga convention organizers still have much to learn from the comic book ones in the logistical department. All in all, it was a good time to spend a warm, sunny Saturday.

Oh, while I was walking the Hall I did take a picture of something that I thought Lisa Marie probably would’ve found too cute, but since I decided on not spending any cash at the Hall I didn’t get her an example of Uglydoll:

See you at Anime Boston 2011 next!

12 Months Down

Posted on April 3, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi! So, guess what today is? *sigh* Yes, smartass, it is Sunday but that’s not what I was looking for. *shaking head*

It’s my anniversary! That’s right — one year ago today, I posted my first review on this site and twelve months and 243 posts later, I have yet to shut up.

So, I was wondering — what should I do to observe this occasion? Well, I guess I could so what most people would do and not make a big deal out of it but — well, I’m incapable of not making a big deal out of stuff. Briefly, I considered posting a nude picture as my way of saying thank you but who wants to see that, right? So, as I woke up this morning from my usual 2 hours of sleep, I asked myself, “Lisa, what are you going to do?”

Well, for the most part, I’ve observed the occasion by being kinda lazy. Seriously, I’ve spent today in my beloved Hello Kitty robe (pictured above, it’s so comfy!), curled up on my couch with my feet tucked underneath me. I’ve been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Chiller.

Of course, to be honest, watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer always makes me want to go out and like start kicking people out of the hope that they’ll turn out to be vampire or a demon or a Riley. And since, I’m just a teensy bit more klutzy than Buffy and Faith, that show has indirectly been responsible for a lot of sprained ankles.

Anyway, I’ve decided to observe my anniversary by doing two things. First off, I’ve read through my 243 previous posts and I’ve selected ten that I think pretty much tell you all you need to know about both who I am and my own taste in film. And here they are:

1) Film Review: Welcome Home Brother Charles (dir. by Jaama Fanaka) (posted on April 4th, 2010) — My first ever review

2) 10 Reasons Why I Hated Avatar (posted on April 21st, 2010) — In which I explain why I’m right and everyone else is wrong.

3) Too Sordid To Ever Be Corrupted (posted on August 1st, 2010) — My manifesto in which I explain why I love the grindhouse.

4) Titanic: In Retrospect (posted on October 6th, 2010) — In which I discover whether or not Titanic is still as good as I thought it was when I was 12.

5) Review: Black Swan (dir. by Darren Aronofsky) (posted on December 9th, 2010) — Out of all the reviews I’ve written so far, this is my personal favorite.

6) Do Critics Matter? (posted on December 9th, 2010) — In which I attack the critical establishment

7) What Lisa Watched Last Night: The Perfect Teacher (posted on December 27th, 2010) — In which I reveal that I’m obsessed with Lifetime movies

8 ) If Lisa Marie Determined The Oscar Nominees (posted on January 22nd, 2010) — In which I come up with a much more interesting ballot than the Academy.

9) Lisa Marie’s Latest You Tube Obessesion (posted on January 27th, 2010) — In which I prove once again that I have silly obsessions

10) Lisa Marie Takes a Sucker Punch (dir. by Zack Snyder) (posted on March 27th, 2011) — In which I defend the most unfairly maligned movie of 2011.

And secondly, as I think I’ve made clear here, I love trailers. Quite often, I’d rather watch the trailer than the film itself. So, here’s the trailer for a film that, at the suggestion of the Trash Film Guru, I will be watching and reviewing at some point in the near future — Birdemic: Shock and Terror.

Enjoy!

And, on that note, let me just extend my sincere thanks to everyone who has read anything I’ve written over the past year. I’m especially thankful to those of you who have taken the time to comment and let me know your opinion (except for Vermont Fran and Outraged Bob, who were kinda humorless and boring about it). I’ve had a wonderful time this year, sharing and interacting and here’s hoping that this next year will be even better!

Love ya!

What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night: Confessions of a Go-Go Girl (dir. by Grant Harvey)

Posted on March 14, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, late, late last night, I was laying in bed, trying to get to sleep when I suddenly remembered that I had earlier recorded a movie called Confessions of a Go-Go Girl off of the Lifetime Movie Network. So I turned on the TV and I started watching, hoping that the movie would simply calm my racing mind and help me get to sleep. Instead, I found myself sitting up in bed for the next two hours, totally enraptured with this film.

After the first few minutes, I started to scream until my sister Erin woke up and rushed into my room. “What’s going on!?” she asked. “Erin,” I replied, “you have to watch this movie with me!” Erin stared at me for a few minutes before replying, “Oh my God, Lisa,” and then walking out of the room. So, after that, I started to call random friends, telling them about this movie. Unfortunately, most of them were already asleep since it was like 3 in the morning.

Anyway, long story short — I am really, really tired today! But enough about me. Let’s talk about Confessions of a Go-Go Girl.

Why Was I Watching It?

Okay, my friend Evelyn asked me this same question when I called her up last night at 3 in the morning and tried to convince her to come over and watch this with me. So, as I told her, “Oh. My. God. Are you like kidding me!? Confessions of a Go-Go Girl? How can you not watch it!?”

If I’ve learned anything, it’s that if “Confessions” appears in the title of a movie, there’s about a 75% chance that it’s going to be a lot of fun. And if that “Confessions” movie happens to be a Lifetime movie, than those chances increase to 99%.

Add to that, these aren’t just the confessions of a go-go dancer. No, they are the confessions of a go-go girl. In other words, the whole go-go thing isn’t just a job in this movie. It’s a lifestyle.

What’s It About?

It’s yet another Canadian film that’s found a home on the Lifetime Movie Network. In this one, Jane McCoy (played by Chelsea Hobbs) is a sweet and innocent aspiring actress who, in order to make some extra money, secretly takes a job as a “go-go dancer” at a sleazy bar. Under the influence of an older, cocaine-addicted dancer (played by Sarah Carter), Janet quickly starts a downward spiral of drugs, decadence, and alienation. As her new identity as a go-go girl starts to dominate her life, Jane soon finds herself growing distant from her wealthy family, her boring boyfriend, and her stridently scary drama teacher.

What Worked?

Oh my God, this is like the ultimate Lifetime movie. Over-the-top, melodramatic, awkwardly moralistic, and amazingly silly, Confessions of a Go-Go Girl is a camp masterpiece that simply has to be seen to be believed.

Nothing happens in this movie that you couldn’t predict within the first few minutes. The film’s genius is not that it does anything unexpected. Instead, it’s that it takes the expected to such an extreme. Listen, we all know, from the minute that Jane first dances, that she’s going to eventually end up becoming jaded and cynical. What we could never guess is that it’s pretty much going to happen right after the first dance. It’s kinda like one of those old anti-drug films where all it took was one puff off of a “marijuana cigarette.” One puff and you’re a giggling psycho. One dance and suddenly, your soul fades away. This is the type of film where we know that Jane has become a bad girl because she starts to part her hair down the middle and grow out her bangs.

Plus, as I’ve mentioned so many times before, I love to dance, I love to watch others dance, and if nothing else, this movie had a lot of dancing. Watching this movie, I was surprised to discover that sordid, Canadian go-go clubs apparently are capable of providing Broadway-style dance shows. I mean, I’m not big into strip clubs but, from my experience, most of them just seem to involve a runway, a pole, and a lot of plastic. I mean, it’s fun to grab onto that pole and spin around and go, “Wheeee!” but it’s not exactly exciting to watch (or, at least, it’s not for me). But in Canadian go-go clubs, the dance routines have elaborate costumes, ironic themes, and really impressive lighting. After watching this film, I realized that I really want to move up to Canada and become a go-go dancer. Seriously.

Eventually, Jane is approached by a rival go-go club promoter who tells her that he’s seen her perform and, “I remember you dancing in white panties.” This line highlights the fact that this film is obsessed with underwear. And that’s okay because, honestly, who isn’t? Watching this film reminded me of an ongoing debate that I have going with Erin concerning whether or not fancy, pretty, colorful lingerie more sexy than boring, blah, cotton, white underwear. This movie seemed, ultimately, to side with my sister in favor of the boring undies. Obviously, I disagree but the film still gave me a lot to think about. I don’t know, maybe I should start a poll or something. Do any of our male readers have an opinion on the underwear question? Please, use the comments section to let your voice be heard.

What Did Not Work?

When taken on its own terms, the entire film worked. If I’m secretly a kitty cat in human disguise than the Lifetime Movie Network is my catnip and that’s largely because of silly, over-the-top movies like this.

Actually, I do have one or two complaints. First off, the lead character is named Jane McCoy and oh my God, is that not just one of the most bleh names in history? Seriously, she should have been named Lisa Marie McCoy or something. Secondly, Jane’s boyfriend (played by Travis Milne) was soooo boring. I believe the character was named Eric but they might as have just named him “Plastic Man” because seriously, he had all the personality of one of the mannequins from those Old Navy commercials. To me, Eric’s character was defined by the moment when, as Jane went down on him, he said, “I don’t think I know you anymore.” Double bleh on him.

“OMG! Just like me!” Moments

Oh. My. God. There were so many of these moments that I don’t even know where to begin. I love dancing and I love having fun while I’m dancing so watching this film was kinda like peering in to my life in an alternative, Lifetime-based universe.

Lessons Learned

Apparently, I’m incapable of not relating everything I see to my own life. Also, I have absolutely no impulse control because I just ordered the 11 x 17 Confessions of a Go Go Girl movie poster off of Amazon.

6 Trailers For Clint Jun Gamboa

Posted on March 5, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As I type this, I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo ticked off. I just finished watching Thursday’s episode of American Idol and I now know that Clint Jun Gamboa did not make the final 13. Before trying out for this season of American Idol, Gamboa worked on the soundtrack for the infamous Tommy Wiseau film The Room. That’s right, the man who wrote “Crazy” and “Baby You And Me,” will not be competing for a chance to be the next American Idol. That’s just wrong. What’s even worse is that they sent Gamboa on his way without ever once acknowledging The Room. They could have at least given him a plastic spoon.

So, Clint Jun Gamboa, if you’re reading this, this latest edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Trailers is dedicated to you. Le monde est chié, Gamboa. Bonne chance.

1) A Boy And His Dog (1975)

Because it’s for Clint, let’s start out with a trailer for a classic, 1975’s A Boy and His Dog. Clint, if you’re feeling down — well, I don’t know you well enough to know if this movie will help or not. It’s kinda one of those you either get or you don’t.

2) Hi, Mom (1970)

Yes, I know. The title makes it sound like a prequel to the Room. “Oh hai, mom.” Actually, it’s just a very early film from director Brian DePalma. The movie also stars a very young and very unknown Robert De Niro.

3) The Harrad Experiment (1973)

This is one of those films that I’ve got on DVD but I need to rewatch it so I can review it. I do remember that the DVD transfer was so bad that it actually started out with one of those “this is made from the best copy we could find — it’s not our fault!” messages.

4) Two Thousand Maniacs (1964)

Yes, here is the trailer for the groundbreaking exploitation film from Herschel Gordon Lewis. Clint, this blood feast is for you.

5) Shriek of the Mutilated (1974)

I’ve got this one on DVD though I haven’t managed to stay awake through the entire film yet. But I just love that title.

6) Mad Doctor of Blood Island (1969)

Sadly enough, the Perfectly Sane, Kinda Boring Doctor of Blood Island was located just a block away but everyone was too busy with the mad doctor to notice.

Stay supple, Clint!

What Lisa Watched Last Night: The 83rd Annual Academy Awards

Posted on February 28, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the 83rd Annual Academy Awards.

Why Was I Watching It?

Why was I watching it? I was watching it because I love awards shows. I love them in all of their tacky, silly glory. I was watching for the clothes, the celebrity meltdowns, and the infamous acceptance speeches. I was watching because James Franco is hot and Anne Hathaway is adorable. I was watching because I loved Black Swan and I was only mildly impressed with the Social Network. I was watching because, as a film lover, my year starts and ends with the Oscar ceremony. You boys have got your super bowl. I’ve got my Academy Awards.

What Was It About

This year, the big question was would best picture be taken by the Social Network or by the King’s Speech. I predicted that the Social Network would win and I was wrong. The Academy gave best picture to The King’s Speech which, unlike Black Swan (my personal choice for best picture), is a film that is very easy to love. Don’t get me wrong. I loved The King’s Speech and, seeing as how I wasn’t exactly a huge fan of The Social Network, I can’t complain about the Academy’s decision (though apparently almost everyone else can).

By the way, as far as my Oscar predictions went, I ended up going 15 for 22. I correctly predicted all of the categories except for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Original Screenplay, Best Foreign Language Film, Best Editing, Best Costume Design, and Best Cinematography. So, in other words, I correctly predicted all of the awards except for the ones that actually mattered. However, I am proud to say that, as the broadcast started, I predicted that it would last for 3 hours and 15 minutes and by God, I was right.

So there.

What Worked

Roger Ebert called last night’s ceremony the worst he had ever seen so I guess it’s no surprise that I actually enjoyed it. I certainly felt it was an improvement over last year’s ceremony which was pretty boring except for when Kathryn Bigelow won best director. There weren’t any endless tributes, self-congratulatory speeches about how important the film industry is for the survival of the world, and we didn’t have to sit through any pre-scripted, awkward banter between poorly matched presenters.

As for the hosts, James Franco appeared to have mentally checked out before the show actually started but he was nice to look at. Anne Hathaway, meanwhile, was a bundle of nervous energy and you know what? I would have been too. For the first time in my history of watching the Oscars, I could actually relate on a personal level to what was happening on the stage. I’ll take the charming awkwardness of Franco and Hathaway over Hugh Jackman any day. Ebert disagrees. He apparently tweeted that Kevin Spacey should host. And, if I ever felt like spending three and a half hours watching some smug jackass singing Under the Sea, I’d agree with him.

I liked the opening film montage, which featured Hathaway and Franco going into Alec Baldwin’s dreams in order to learn how to host the show. If nothing else, it paid tribute to just how much of a cultural phenomenon Inception actually was last year. (At the same time, it also pointed out just how ludicrous it is that Christopher Nolan — who is hot along with being a genius, by the way — was not nominated for best director.)

Probably my favorite presenters were Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake. Kunis looked great and Timberlake won my heart all over again by announcing that he was actually Banksy.

The In Memoriam Tribute was actually pretty touching this year and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that the audience has finally figured out how inappropriate it is to break out into applause in the middle of it. A lot of viewers were apparently angered that Corey Haim wasn’t included. Personally, I was disappointed (but not surprised) to see that Jean Rollin was left out.

For me, the best acceptance speech came from David Seidler as he accepted his Oscar for writing The King’s Speech. His speech touched me as a former stutterer but on top of that, he delivered it with just the right amount of humility and humor. Aaron Sorkin could learn a thing or two from Mr. Seidler.

Finally, I said earlier that I was hoping for just one upset win to keep things interesting and, to my surprise, the show provided me one when Tom Hooper beat David Fincher for best director. Even among those who expected the King’s Speech to take best picture, the general assumption seemed to be that Fincher would win best director. Personally, I think Fincher would have won best director except for the fact that people tended to think of The Social Network as being an Aaron Sorkin film as opposed to a David Fincher film. In all of the preliminaries leading up the Oscars (the Golden Globes, the critics awards), the emphasis was always put on Sorkin’s screenplay as opposed to Fincher’s direction. David Fincher was almost treated as an after thought and, as a result, Tom Hooper won best director.

(Of course, personally, I was rooting for Darren Aronofsky.)

Of the nominated films, Black Swan was my favorite, followed by 127 Hours, Inception, Winter’s Bone, and the King’s Speech. I thought The Social Network was a good film but certainly not a great film and, to be honest, I’ve come to resent being told again and again by various online, self-appointed film gurus that my refusal to unconditionally love The Social Network is somehow an indication of a character defect on my part. Seriously, some of these Social Network partisans make the Avatar people look tolerant by comparison. I’m sure these people have spent last night and today ranting their little hearts out about how the Academy sucks and how The Social Network is clearly the greatest film ever made. And to them, all I can say is get over it. If you were watching the Academy Awards because you seriously felt that the awards actually mean anything, then you’ve obviously still got a lot of growing up to do.

That said, I make no apologies for being ticked off over the award for Best Feature Documentary but more about that below.

What Didn’t Work

Well, I’ll get the big one out of the way first. This was the only time I actually got angry while watching last night’s show. I’m talking, of course, about Inside Job winning best documentary. This upset me even though I had actually predicted that Inside Job would defeat Exit Through The Gift Shop. My objection comes down to this — Inside Job was the Capt. Hindsight of documentaries this year. Inside Job was basically a documentary that told us what we already know and then encouraged us to pat ourselves on the back for agreeing. In a year that was actually a pretty good one for documentaries, Inside Job was the least challenging of all of the nominees and therefore, I guess it’s not a shock that it won. Meanwhile, Exit Through The Gift Shop — a film which should have been nominated for best picture — was ignored.

Add to that, I was really hoping for a chance to see how Banksy would accept the award or if he would even show up at all (or if he would turn out to be Justin Timberlake). Instead, I got the director of Inside Job going, “You know, nobody’s been arrested for the bad economy yet.” Well, if that’s what you think should happen then go to talk to the people who make and enforce laws. But you’re on an awards show, buddy. And if you think anyone watching an awards show is going to take action just because of some comment you weakly muttered during your acceptance speech, then you really are out of touch with reality.

We were reminded one too many times that we were watching “the young and hip Oscars.” The young and hip Oscars would not have featured Celine Dion singing.

I really wish the Oscars would stop trying to force some artificial “theme” on each year’s ceremony. This year, they took time to celebrate “the greatest films” of Oscar Past. The problem, of course, is that most of the greatest films of Oscar past didn’t win best picture. Usually, they ended up losing to movies like How Green Was My Valley, The Greatest Show on Earth, and Crash.

Aaron Sorkin won best adapted screenplay as we all knew he would and, as usual, he came across as smug and condescending during his acceptance speech. The whole, “Daddy’s an Oscar winner now…” thing would have been touching if not for the fact that it’s been used at least once at every single Oscar ceremony in history.

Trent Reznor did not say, “I want to fuck you like an animal” while accepting his award for scoring The Social Network. However, I must say, Trent cleans up well.

Technically, yes, James Franco was not real impressive as co-host. The general consensus on twitter was that he was stoned but I can’t say too much against him because he’s James Franco. Even when he showed up in drag, he was still James Franco. I know some people looked at Franco last night and thought, He’s not even trying. I looked at Franco and thought, yum…..

“Oh my God! Just Like Me!” Moments

There were a few and most of them had to do with Anne Hathaway. Most of the comments on twitter concerning Hathaway’s performance as host were not kind but I don’t care. I love her and I think her lack of polish was actually rather adorable. If I was hosting the Oscars, I would probably take a few moments to brag about my dress as well. I know I’d certainly probably start giggling at random moments. I also know that I’d probably get a little bit annoyed with James Franco’s lack of commitment to the show as well but you know what? I’d still get all sorts of naked with him after the show because he’s James Franco and he just does things to me.

(If anything, last night’s show proved that the difference between a hot guy and all other guys is that a hot guy can get away with it.)

My other big “Oh my God! Just like me!” moment came when Melissa Leo won for best supporting actress for the Fighter and dropped the F-bomb on national TV. I would so do that too. I mean, it’s an Oscar! God knows what I’d end up saying if I ever got one.

Lessons Learned:

I’ve seriously got a thing for James Franco.

What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night: Survivor: Redemption Island (Episode 1)

Posted on February 17, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the first episode of Survivor: Redemption Island.

Why Was I Watching It?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — I love reality television and Survivor pretty much set the bar for the entire genre. Yes, yes, I know. Everyone wants to spend a few hours talking about how terrible reality television is and how they deserve all sorts of cookies because they don’t watch it. Well, you know what? Have fun patting yourself on the back. I’ll be watching Survivor.

What’s It About?

A group of sixteen strangers are stranded on a beach in Nicaragua where they compete for prizes and scheme against each other until there’s only one survivor left standing. As in previous seasons, all of this is hosted by Jeff Probst who, with each season, makes less and less effort to hide the utter contempt that he feels for most of the survivors. Probst still spends too much time trying to show off his dimples but you can’t help but love the man.

This season, there are big two twists, neither one of which is a real twist because they’ve both been done in previous seasons. The big twist is that whenever a survivor is voted off the island, they’re sent to Redemption Island where they wait for the chance to reenter the game at a later date.

The other twist — and this is the one that people actually care about — is that two of the most iconic “villains” in Survivor history are back this season. “Boston” Rob Mariano and Russell Hantz are both back and playing once again. On last night’s episode, the 16 new players were divided into two tribes. As usual, the two tribes were given names based on some obscure piece of historical trivia but for the sake of simplicity, we’ll just call them Team Rob and Team Russell.

What Worked:

I’ll admit that when I first heard that Russell and Rob were coning back, I wasn’t exactly enthused about the idea. I love Rob and always have but I’ve just about reached my limit as far as Russell is concerned. During his first season, Russell was my favorite because he was just so blatantly villainous and he never wasted any time with all of that silly talk of “playing the game with honor” that so many other survivors have tried to sell in the past. Plus, he was funny. However, about halfway through the Heroes Vs. Villains season, I started to get tired of Russell. Unlike Rob who is always thinking and competing, Russell seemed to be a one trick pony.

Well, I’m sorry to say that Russell hasn’t changed but since everyone on Team Russell seems to have seen his previous seasons, it doesn’t seem likely that Russell’s going to get that far in the game and if he does, I can’t wait to see how he managed to pull off the impossible.

Plus, Russell wasn’t really in much of this episode. This episode was all Rob and I love Rob.

And then there’s Philip.

Philip is on Team Rob. He’s a tall, outspoken, bald man who happens to also be a former federal agent. I know this because he mentioned that fact a few thousand times. He also spent way too much time this episode wandering around in these saggy fuchsia briefs. Seriously, if you’re going to be on Survivor then you know you’re going to be filmed in your underwear at some point. So, seriously, give some thought to what you’re wearing underneath, okay? Me, if I’m ever on Survivor, I’m going to go on a shopping spree at Victoria’s Secret the week before I leave for the beach. Immunity Idol? Who needs an Immunity Idol when you’ve got the right bra? Seriously.

But, anyway, back to Philip. Philip is one of those priceless survivors who you hate but you hope they’re around for a really long time. Seriously, he’s so self-righteous and so full of himself and so stupid and so unaware that he makes for great reality television.

During last night’s episode, Philip “entered” into an alliance with Francesca and Kristine. Kristine had found the immunity idol (I get the feeling that nobody on the Survivor production team making much of an effort to hide them anymore) and the three of them attempted to execute a power move by voting out Rob. However, this plan fell apart at tribal council when Philip, for some reason, ended up explaining the entire plot along with mentioning that Kristine had the immunity idol. End result: Francesca was voted out. It was a classic Survivor moment, a perfect reminder of why I love this show. It’s just so shameless.

What Didn’t Work:

I’m not a huge fan of the whole idea of Redemption Island. The whole idea of a someone getting voted off the island just to get to come back later on in the game has been done before on Survivor and it didn’t work out well. The someone in question was a middle-aged woman named Lil who went through the entire game wearing a Scoutmaster’s uniform. Lil was voted off early, came back late, and nearly won simply because she hadn’t been around for the previous few weeks. It felt unfair at the time.

However, there is a huge difference in that this season, everyone knows about “the twist” whereas previously, it really was a complete surprise on everyone. Whether that’ll make a difference has yet to be seen.

Of course, it’s also rare that any of the new gimmicks on Survivor ever really make that much of a difference in the overall game. Remember Exile Island? Even more importantly, can you remember the last time that an immunity idol actually made a huge difference in the final outcome of the season? As opposed to the producers of Big Brother (who really seem to think that the audience is really into each season’s new twist), the people behind Survivor appear to understand that the main reason we watch is to see how much weight everyone loses while scheming against each other.

“Oh My God! Just like Me!” Moments

There’s always quite a few of these whenever I watch any episode of Survivor because, like a lot of reality TV fans, I tend to place myself in each episode and debate what I would have done. And while we always like to tell ourselves that we would have done the complete opposite of whatever foolishness we’ve just witnessed, we all know better. Whenever I watch this show and I see someone totally failing in a physical competition, accidentally blabbing on until everyone votes for her just to make her shut up, or have a meltdown on-screen, I know that I’m seeing what would happen if I ever actually made it onto Survivor. That’s also the same feeling that I get whenever I see some poor girl go through several episodes with a mass of pixels over either her boobs or her ass. I’ve sat there and shouted, “That would so be me!”

(Actually, I don’t do that as often ever since I was watching an episode over at my sister Melissa’s place and she said, “That already is you, Lisa Marie.”)

Anyway, on last night’s episode, I found myself hiding my face in shame as Francesca, Kristina, and Philip basically gave away their entire strategy during tribal council, announcing how they were planning to vote out Rob before anyone had actually voted and while Rob was sitting less than a foot away. That’s a perfect example of one of those moments that make us shout, “You idiots!” even though we know we’d probably make the exact same mistake.

Also, it was clear that most of Team Rob was crushing on Rob and I don’t blame them because you know what? Rob Marciano is hot! The new gray in his hair just serves to make him even hotter.

(Guys are so lucky in that regard. I thought I found a gray hair a few days ago and I ripped it out of my head and oh my God, it hurt! And then it turned out it wasn’t even gray, it was just a lighter shade of red and the light was hitting it in an awkward way.)

By the way, here’s my strategy of how I’ll win if I’m ever on Survivor: Boobs, boobs, and more boobs. Like, the whole way to tribal council, I would be the one going, “Do you really want to vote these out?” I would also probably try to fly under the radar, be everyone’s friend, and flirt a lot with all the males. Of course, once we merged, then it would be time to go all girl power and start voting them out one-by-one. But, for the most part, my strategy would come down to: boobs, boobs, boobs.

Lessons Learned:

Be wary of former federal agents in fuchsia briefs.