In tonight’s episode of One Step Beyond, an important historical figure is consumed with self-doubt. Fortunately, a spirit guide appears to give him the strength to keep fighting, even though victory will eventually lead to an even greater war.
Who knew George Washington was so neurotic?
CAN YOU PROVE IT DIDN’T HAPPEN!?
This episode aired on February 21st, 1961.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!
This week, the second-to-last episode of T and T is all about the Czar of Canadian Surf Guitar!
Episode 3.20 “Wild Willie and the Waves”
(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on May 19th, 1990)
A fat bald man named Willie (Gordon Masten) walks into Decker’s gym and tells Turner that he needs helps getting into shape. Turner looks at Willie and says, “That’s a lot to take off, brother.” Willie explains that he’s planning on making a comeback. “A come back from what?” Turner growls. Willy reveals that he’s actually Wild Willy, the Czar of Canadian surf guitar!
T.S. Turner has never heard of Wild Willy but Decker is a huge fan. He’s even written a song called Surf Cincinnati, in tribute to his hero. However, Decker points out that Wild Willy died years ago in a plane crash in Brazil. Willy says that his manager convinced him to fake his own death as a way to push up record sales. Willy says that he’s spent the past two years lost in the Brazilian jungle. (So how did he get so fat?) Decker believes him but Turner is skeptical.
But, after Wild Willy tries to break into his old house to see his wife Francine (Terri Hawkes) and confront his manager, Big Steve (Nigel Bennett), Turner starts to change his mind. Big Steve claims that this Wild Willy is an imposter but, after Willy is nearly killed by a miswired electric guitar, Turner does some digging and discovers that Big Steve is about to sign a record deal to release all of Wild Willy’s previously unreleased material. “Willy is worth more dead than alive!” Terri exclaims.
Fear not. It all works out. Big Steve is defeated by Turner, Willy, and the power of rock and roll. Wild Willy doesn’t lose any weight but he still makes a comeback. He also steals Decker’s song and turns it into a hit. Decker is heart-broken but Terri says, “That’s rock and roll!” Hey, Terri — you’re a lawyer. Maybe you could help Decker file a lawsuit as opposed to just making fun of the poor guy? I mean, it seems like a good idea to me but what do I know?
This episode felt very familiar. People were always wandering into Decker’s Gym and claiming to be someone famous. The main problem with this particular episode is that Wild Willy was such an annoying and over-the-top character that it was hard to really care about whether or not he made his comeback or not. Add to that, why is Decker writing songs about Cincinnati when it’s totally obvious that T and T takes place in Canada?
Next week …. it’s the final episode of T and T! How will the saga end?
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!
This week, Jonathan helps a novelist get in touch with his long-passed muse. He also helps him repair his relationship with his grandson before it’s time to move on.
Episode 2.22 “Sail Away”
(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on April 2nd, 1986)
Two novelists travel to a remote island.
Frank Worton (Lew Ayres) grew up on the island and was inspired to write a series of paperback romances based on his love for a girl named Jenna. Sadly, Jenna died when Frank was a teenager and his books were his way of trying to get continue their relationship, if just in his imagination.
Todd Worton (David Einser) is Frank’s grandson. Todd writes 3,000 words a day and is very strict about his routine. He’s never written anything as successful as his grandfather’s pulpy romances and he feels that his grandfather has never respected his work. What Todd doesn’t realize is that Frank feels the same way about him.
When they travel to the Island, Frank starts to act strangely. He moves into the abandoned house where Jenna lived and claims that it still looks the same as it did when he was a young man. At one point, he thinks that he sees Jenna walking along the beach. Is he going senile or is he being haunted by a ghost?
Or is he being prepared for death? Jonathan and Mark are running a ferry service, taking people to and from the Island. (I can understand Jonathan knowing how to do all of this, as he’s an angel. But how does Mark casually go from job to job? That man’s resume must be a mess at this point.) Just as he did with Eli Wallach a few episodes ago, Jonathan is preparing Frank to move on. By the end of the episode, Frank is boarding a sailboat and heading off with his beloved Jenna. But not before Todd reads the last novel that Frank wrote about Jenna and Frank reads the novel that Todd wrote about him. The two finally make peace and Jonathan, in voice-over, tells us that both books became best sellers.
Awwww! What a sweet episode. This episode is largely a showcase for Lew Ayres and he definitely delivers, giving a heartfelt performance as a man haunted by his past. If you don’t cry when he gets on that boat, you don’t have a heart and you might want to get that checked out. You need a heart to live or so they tell me.
In the end, this is an episode that will make you want to sail away. And while Highway to Heaven has never exactly been known as a subtle show (and I imagine that was by design), I am somewhat impressed at the restraint it must have taken to not include Styx’s Come Sail Away on the soundtrack.
On tonight’s episode, a fake fortune teller appears to develop actual psychic abilities, just in time to see her son committing an unspeakable crime in the future.
This one has an interesting cast. Mario is played by Scott Marlowe, who was Italian despite his name and who was apparently a major contender for the role of Michael Corleone in The Godfather, back when the film was still envisioned as being a low-budget B-crime film. Also keep an eye out for Joe Turkel as Mario’s friend. Turkel later played both Lloyd the Bartender in The Shining and Eldon Tyrrell in Blade Runner.
The episode originally aired on January 31st, 1961.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week, a guest star from Hang Time comes to Malibu, CA!
Episode 1.15 “Love on the ‘Net”
(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on January 31st, 1999)
Scott is meeting women though a new and weird method that is called the — let me see, I wrote down the term just so I would get it right — the Internet. Jason, who hasn’t had any luck getting a date since he broke up with Stads, says that only “geeks and weirdos” spend any time on this Internet thing. He thinks his brother is crazy for making a date with a girl who met online. But when Jason sees the picture that Jocelyn sends Scott, he changes his mind.
Being a sociopath, Jason switches out the photo of Jocelyn with a picture of a female body builder. He tells Scott that he should stand Jocelyn up and Scott agrees. Jason then meets Jocelyn (played by Daniella Deutscher, who previously played Julie Connor on Hang Time) and claims that he’s Scott.
Seriously, Jason is the absolute worst. Scott, to his credit, at least feels bad about standing up Jocelyn. He’s still a jerk but at least Scott is capable of feeling guilt. Jason, on the other hand….
Eventually, Scott discovers what Jason is doing. Scott pretends to be Jason and tells Jocelyn that his brother loves doing extreme things …. like skydiving! Soon, all three of them are in an airplane. When a terrified Jason admits that he’s not actually Scott and then a cocky Scott explains that he’s not actually Jason, Jocelyn says that she would rather jump out of a plane than be with either of them. And then she does just that. Hopefully, she remembered to put on her parachute.
Jason and Scott apologize to each other for being jerks. Then, they fall out of the plane because this is a Peter Engel sitcom and you can bet that, in the Engelverse, there’s no way anyone’s going to go up on a plane without falling out of it. Unfortunately, both Jason and Scott remembered their parachutes.
While this is going on, Tracy gets a role on Baywatch and follows around Stads in order to learn how to be a lifeguard. Stads gets annoyed when Tacy gets credit for saving a hot wealthy guy who invites Tracy to his yacht. Stads says that Tracy is a bad actress and a bad lifeguard. “And you’re a bad friend!” Tracy replies.
YOU TELL HER, TRACY! Seriously, Stads was really annoying in this episode.
This episode was dumb but it does have value as a time capsule from the age when the Internet was still viewed as being something exotic and new. Any 90s kid will smile at the sight of Scott’s bulky computer. As for this episode’s guest star, Daniella Deutscher is far more likable here than she ever was on Hang Time. She told both Jason and Scott to go to Hell so that makes her a winner in my book!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.
This week, there’s something in subways!
Episode 2.19 “Far Below”
(Dir by Debra Hill, originally aired on February 25th, 1990)
Alex Kritz (John Scott Clough) is a city bureaucrat who has been sent to do an audit and discover why one subway maintenance crew is getting paid so much despite the high rate of turnover on the crew. The head of the crew, Dr. Vernon Rathmore (Barry Nelson), not only overpays his workers but he also offers them full insurance and a pension. Kritz not only wants to understand why Dr. Rathmore is spending so much money but also how he has been able to get away with it for so long.
Dr. Rathmore invites Kritz to watch a monitor so he can observe two of his workers gunning down what appears to be a Yeti with glowing white fur. Kritz is outraged, accusing Rathmore of killing a homeless man. Rathmore explains that his section of the subway is full of prehistoric, ape-liked monsters who feast on human flesh. Rathmore has taken it upon himself to keep the population under control.
When Kritz again accuses Rathmore of genocide, Rathmore reveals that he actually has two of the monsters locked away in the office. And one of them is his wife! It turns out that she has quite the appetite for nosey bureaucrats….
This was a simple but entertaining episode of Monsters, one that was well-acted by Nelson and Clough and which made great use of two sets, Rathmore’s office and the atmospheric and dark subway tunnels where Rathmore’s men work. The escalating tension between Rathmore and Kritz was well-handled, with Rathmore growing more and more annoyed with Kritz’s questions. Based on all of the urban legends that have sprung up over the years about monsters living in the subways and the sewers (check out Raw Meat for another example), this was an effective episode that managed to tell a complete and interesting story in only 20 minutes. Monsters was a frequently uneven show, as is true of most anthology series. Fortunately, for every couple of bad episodes that the viewer got, the viewer would also occasionally get a masterpiece like Far Below.
Far Below was directed by Debra Hill, who is probably best-known for co-producing several of John Carpenter’s early films, including the original Halloween. This episode was Hill’s directorial debut and it was one of only two things she directed. (The other was an episode of a 90s sitcom called Dream On.) She did an excellent job with this episode and it’s a shame that she didn’t direct more.
Finally, this was the final performance of actor Barry Nelson. Nelson was the first actor to ever play James Bond, playing an Americanized version of the character in a 1950s television adaptation of Casino Royale. (Nelson technically played “Jimmy Bond.”) Modern horror fans know Nelson best for his wonderful performance as the blandly professional Mr. Ullman in The Shining. The scene where Nelson (as Ullman) cheerfully talks about what happened to the last caretaker and his family is one of my favorite bits of acting of all time. Nelson retired after this episode of Monsters and it’s nice to able to say that he went out on a high note.
On tonight’s episode of One Step Beyond, a down-on-his-luck writer checks into an Alaskan motel with his wife. After glancing through a cheap guidebook, the writer is inspired to write a story. After the story is published, the writer is shocked to discover that the story he thought of as being fiction might actually be true!
This episode originally aired on January 17th, 1961. Alaska had been a state for a little over a year when this episode was broadcast. It was still a land of mystery.
(For many of us, it still is!)
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
This week, we start season 5 of The Love Boat!
Episode 5.1 and 5.2 “The Expedition/Julie’s Wedding/The Mongala/Julie’s Replacement/The Three R’s/The Professor’s Wife”
(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on October 10th, 1981)
The fifth season of The Love Boat opens with a two-hour spectacular. Our Love Boat crew is in Australia, where they will be guiding The Sea Princess on a voyage through the South Pacific. It’s a bit odd to start off a season of The Love Boat on a different boat but I guess the plan was to show off all the different ships that sailed for Princess Cruise Lines. This episode was actually shot on the boat during a cruise. It’s interesting to see how different the Sea Princess is from the show’s usual location. It has nicer hallways than the Pacific Princess and a much larger lobby. However, I prefer the relative privacy of the Pacific Princess’s multi-level dining room to the wide open space provided by the Sea Princess.
Captain Stubing, Gopher, Isaac, and Doc are shocked when Julie does not board the ship. She’s been on vacation with her boyfriend, Tony (Anthony Andrews), for the last few months. Tony lives in Australia so, really, it shouldn’t be too hard for Julie to make it to the ship. Instead, a substitute cruise director named Yvonne (Delvene Delaney) shows up. Doc and Gopher are happy because it gives them a new co-worker to lust after. Captain Stubing is upset because Julie has sent them all a letter in which she explains that she will be marrying Tony and retiring to the animal habitat where he works. She asks Stubing to give her away and she invites Vicki to be a bridesmaid. Gopher, Isaac, and Doc will be ushers.
Doc is briefly distracted from chasing Yvonne when he spots Barbara Carroll (Michelle Phillips) boarding the boat. However, Barbara has eyes for Ralph Sutton (Patrick Duffy), a rancher who is blind without his glasses. Unfortunately, that means that he can’t read the love letter that Barbara wrote him. Because she wants Ralph for herself, Connie Walker (Jennilee Harrison) lies about what the letter says. *GASP* (Don’t worry, it all works out.)
Meanwhile, an expedition headed by shady Deke Donner (Jose Ferrer) goes to an island and captures a hairy man (Patrick Ward) who they believe is the Mongola, a.k.a., the missing link! (Wait, what?) They hide the ape-man in the ship’s cargo area (huh?) and try to keep anyone else from learning that they’re transporting a living thing. Everyone acts like he’s a caveman but it’s kind of obvious that the Mongola is just a confused guy with a beard. Dr. Jill McGraw (Donna Dixon) falls in love with the Mongola, much to the consternation of her colleague, Dr. Barry Mason (Gary Frank). Meanwhile, Deke’s old friend, Prof. Milo Ender (Harry Morgan), is stunned to discover that the Mongola has a vaccination scar. Milo’s wife, Vivian (Katherine Helmond), encourages Milo to keep the secret to himself so that they can at least make some money off of the Mongola. (Like, seriously, what the Hell is even going on with this story?) Milo agrees, though it doesn’t seem to occur to him that, if he could notice the vaccination scar, then pretty much anyone could notice the vaccination scar. Eventually, the Mongola gets loose from his cage and jumps overboard. “He’s shark food,” Deke says. (What in the name of God is going on here?) However, the Mongola apparently survives because the police are waiting to arrest Deke as soon as the ship docks in Australia.
But what about the wedding!? you’re saying. Well, the wedding doesn’t happen. It nearly happens. Julie shows up at the church. However, Tony finds out that he’s going to die in a month or two so he leaves Julie at the altar. Julie flies back to Los Angeles with the rest of the Love Boat crew.
Seriously, this is the most morbid episode of The Love Boat that I’ve ever seen.
Still, morbid or not, it’s an entertainingly weird episode and the Australian and New Zealand scenery is lovely to look at. (As with all of the two-hour episodes of The Love Boat, there’s a lot of travelogue padding.) There’s something oddly appealing about seeing the usual Love Boat shenanigans mixed in with a story about the Missing Link and Julie discovering that the love of her life is terminally ill. I mean, the song isn’t lying. The Love Boat really does promise something for everyone.
I mean, in the end, we all know that Julie couldn’t get married because then she’d have to leave the show and that wouldn’t happen until Lauren Tewes’s cocaine use became a problem during the seventh season. Tony could either cheat on her or he could die. (Better he die than do what almost every man does at his bachelor party.) The episode ends with Tony still alive so I guess the show’s writer were leaving their options open. Maybe Tony will make a miraculous recovery, who knows?
Myself, I’m just happy that the crew is back together. It’s time to set sail …. again!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week, Mitch and Ryan go to the future!
Episode 2.15 “The Mobius”
(Dir by David Livingston, originally aired on March 2nd, 1997)
Mitch and Ryan’s plans to attend the opening of a hot new club on the beach are interrupted by the arrival of Ashley (Laura Interval), who is an old college friend of Ryan’s. Ashley explains that her husband and colleague, John (Neil Roberts), has managed to open a portal to an unknown world and now he spends all of his time obsessing on it.
(Well, who wouldn’t?)
Accompanied by Teague, Mitch and Ryan go with Ashley to the laboratory. John is busy tossing a football into the portal. Something or someone on the other side throws the football back. Teague and Ryan are really impressed with the portal. Ashley and Mitch both think that the portal is something that shouldn’t be messed with. When Ashley accidentally stumbles into the portal and vanishes, Mitch and Ryan follow.
They find themselves in what appears to be the ruins of Los Angeles. Ryan speculates that they’re in a parallel universe while Mitch thinks that they might be in the future. (Technically, they’re both right. It is the future but it’s the future of a parallel universe.) Mitch finds a newspaper announcing that the world had caught on fire due to pollution burning a hole in the Earth’s atmosphere. In an amazing coincidence, they also stumble across one of Ryan’s professors. Professor Arnold (Kay E. Kuter) is old and dying but he still has his notes that detail what should have been done to prevent the end of the world.
Mitch, Ryan, and Ashley want to get those notes back to the present but it won’t be easy. Not only do they have to find the portal before it closes but they also have to avoid a bunch of mutated humans who now spend their time dressed like monks and chasing people around the ruins. Even when Ryan, Ashley, and Mitch do find the portal back, the professor’s notes burn up as they pass through.
“I guess we’ll have to figure it out for ourselves,” Mitch says, looking at the charred binder.
Yes, this episode has a message! Don’t pollute or Los Angeles will end up looking like a messy studio backlot and all your friends will join the Holy Order of Cannibal Mutations. One has to wonder whether or not this episode influenced Cormac McCarthy when he wrote The Road. Hmmm …. probably not.
Heavy-handed messaging aside, it’s not a bad episode. If there’s any actor who born to run through a messy backlot while fighting mutant monks, it’s David Hasselhoff. Especially when compared to the previous two episodes, The Mobius is fast-paced and it actually has a plot that the viewer can follow. It’s silly but it’s fun, in the way that a show like Baywatch Nights should be.
As the episode ends, the Hoff suggests that maybe, if the future’s bad, we should be sure to enjoy the present. That sounds like good advice to me! That’s the wisdom of the Hoff.
In this episode from 1961, Charles Bronson stars as Yank Dawson, an aging boxer who finds himself in haunted auditorium in England during World War II. Bronson was 39 years old when he starred as Yank Dawson and he gives a good performance. The role makes good use of both Bronson’s imposing physicality and also the smoldering anger that would eventually make Bronson a star in both Europe and, later, the United States.
The episode below first aired on January 10th, 1961.
Through the Shattered Lens 