Category Archives: TV Review

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Friday the 13th: The Series 1.10 “Tales of the Undead”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, Ryan learns why you never meet your heroes.

Episode 1.10 “Tales of the Undead”

(Dir by Lyndon Chubbock, originally aired on January 25th, 1988)

Comic book fan Ryan is shocked when he witnesses the murder of the owner of his favorite comic book store.  He’s even more shocked by the fact that the murderer appeared to a legendary comic book character, a robot who was created and drawn by an artist named Jay Star.

Micki is skeptical when Ryan tells her that he thinks one of his favorite comic book characters has come to life.  Despite having dealt with a cursed doll and quill that could kill someone just by being used to write that person’s name, Micki draws the line at living comic book characters.  However, Ryan does some research and discovers that a cursed comic book was indeed purchased from the store.

Seriously, think about this.  Ryan not only witnesses a murder but the murder is committed by his favorite comic book character and then he discovers that it’s all linked to the cursed antique store where Ryan just happens to work.  That’s an amazing coincidence!  Jack would probably be concerned about how all of that came to happen but, oddly enough, Jack is not in this episode.

Instead, it falls to Ryan and Micki to track down the comic book.  This leads them to the man who created the robot, Jay Star (played by special guest star Ray Waltson).  Jay Star created the robot in the 40s and became a hero to comic book readers everywhere but he feels that he wasn’t properly compensated for his services.  (This is something that happens far too often to real comic book artists as well.  Some people have definitely gotten a lot of money as a result of all the Marvel films but the families of Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko have not.)  The comic book company kept the rights to his character and they refused to publish the issue in which Jay killed him off.  The company is still making money off of Jay’s work while Jay lives in obscurity as a recluse.  At the start of the episode, Jay Star does not own the cursed comic book.  However, he does manage to track it down and steal it from its current owner, Cal (David Hewlett).  Soon, Jay is transforming into the killer robot and seeking revenge on everyone who he feels has betrayed him.

This was one of the stronger episodes of Friday the 13th.  What really set this episode apart from some of the ones that came before and after was that Ryan had a personal stake in recovering the cursed item.  As he explains it to Micki, comic books were the one constant he had during his dysfunctional childhood.  He grew up admiring artists like Jay Star and dreaming of being one of them and of being a hero who could solve all of the world’s problems.  In this episode, Ryan discovers that his hero is a murderer and John D. LeMay does a very good job of playing Ryan’s disillusionment.  The episode ends on a rather sweet note, with Micki encouraging Ryan to remember Jay Star for his talent and not for his crimes.

The episode is also distinguished by Ray Waltson’s empathetic performance as Jay Star, a villain for whom you can’t help but have some sympathy.  When Jay transforms into the killer robot, the episode itself switches to comic book-style animation, which is one of those gimmicks that works far better than one might expect.  Even the robot was about as scary as a monster on a low-budget show like this could possibly be!

This was a good episode.  I hope Ryan never stopped drawing.

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 2.8 “Every Picture….”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, T.S. and Amy battle the Canadian Mafia!

Episode 2.8 “Every Picture….”

(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on November 21st, 1988)

This episode of T and T continues to insist that the show is taking place in a place called Metro County.  It even features a newspaper called the Metro County Eagle and suburb of Metro County that is called Ridley.  As well, it appears that all of the cars in Metro County have American-style license plates.

Listen, T and T, you’re not fooling anyone.

We can all see the snow on the ground.

We can all see the frozen breath whenever a scene takes place outside.

We have all noticed how polite all the extras are.

We can all see the hockey hair and the denim jackets.

Even more importantly, we can all hear the accent whenever anyone apologizes or asks, “What’s this all aboot?”

Everyone knows that T and T totally takes place in Toronto!  Obviously, a lot of a Canadian shows deliberately tried to leave their setting ambiguous so that they could appeal to viewers in the United States.  Interestingly enough, the most successful syndicated Canadian show in the United States was Degrassi, which was always proudly and forthrightly Canadian.

As for today’s episode, it opens with a waitress named Kathy (Jacqueline Samuda) fleeing from a diner after she happens to see her picture in the newspaper.  It turns out that a lot of people have noticed that picture.  One of them is a burly mob hitman (Paul Coeur) who calls the paper and demands to know who took the picture.  When the editor refuses to name names, the hitman breaks into the office to search for the name himself.

Because Amy is friendly (and maybe more!) with the editor, she volunteers T.S. to investigate the photograph.  T.S. and Amy track down the photographer, a nerdy teenage prodigy named Lenny (Robert Haiat).  After talking to Lenny, they track down the diner where Kathy worked and eventually, they break into Kathy’s apartment.  Kathy isn’t there.

“She either left in a hurry or she’s a bad housekeeper,” T.S. growls.

Meanwhile, the hitman kidnaps Lenny and demands that he take him to the diner where the picture was taken.  When Lenny’s father tells T.S. that the abduction is all his fault, T.S. says, “I’m going to make this right!”

Kathy, it turns out, is actually named Maria.  Because she testified against her mob boss brother, she’s in the Canadian witness protection program.  Lenny kind of ruined all that by taking her picture.  Now, she’s hiding out in a church but, after the hitman catches a priest entering Kathy’s apartment, he’s able to track her down.  This hitman is so evil that he’s prepared to shoot Kathy in the head in the middle of a church!  Luckily, T.S. shows up just in time.

“HEY, FOOL!” T.S. shouts before beating the crap out of the hitman.

There’s a simplicity to T and T that you really have to admire.  For all the talk of T.S. being a detective and an advocate of peace and understanding, he solves most of his problems by either punching someone out or throwing them through a window.  This show reminds us that the simple solution is sometimes the best.

Anyway, you know what?  This was a really good episode.  The mystery was intriguing.  The show generated actual suspense over who would find Kathy first.  The scene in the church was nicely atmospheric.  Even the sentimental ending, with Kathy giving T.S. a crucifix to thank him for saving her life, felt totally earned.  Way to go, Toronto!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway to Heaven 1.11 “Dust Child”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Jonathan offers up some clues about his past.

Episode 1.11 “Dust Child”

(Dir by Victor French, originally aired on November 28th, 1984)

Mark and Jonathan’s latest mission finds them in a small California town.  It seems like a nice and welcoming  community …. or, at least, it does if you’re an American.  If you are one of the many refugees from Vietnam who have recently settled in the town, it’s a far less welcoming place.

When Mark goes into a gas station, he witnesses the owner refusing to give change to two Vietnamese kids.  When Mark demands to know why, he’s told that the refugees are coming over and stealing everyone’s jobs.

“It’s a sickness worse than the plague,” Jonathan later says, “But the cure is in every one of us …. love!”  And that may sound a bit simplistic but Michael Landon delivers the line with such conviction that he totally makes it work.

Working as house painters, Jonathan and Mark get a job remodeling the home of Richard Gaines (James Whitmore, Jr.), a Vietnam vet who has just discovered that, as the result of a wartime romance, he has a daughter named Nguyen (Denice Kumagai).  15 year-old Nguyen comes over to America to live with Richard and his wife (Jenny Sullivan) and his teenage son, Brad Gaines (Billy Jacoby).  From the minute she arrives in the town, Nguyen finds herself facing prejudice.  The other kids at school taunt her with derogatory slurs.  Brad resents both the attention that Nguyen gets and the fact that his best friend, Larry (K.C. Martel), now refuses to talk to Brad because Larry’s father was killed while serving in Vietnam.

Eventually, Jonathan introduces himself to Larry and we discover a little bit about who Jonathan was before he became an angel.  Jonathan says that he served in Vietnam with Larry’s father and he goes on to explain that Larry’s father died while protecting a group of South Vietnamese orphans from the Viet Cong.  As Jonathan explains it, Larry’s father viewed the orphans as his own children.  That’s all it takes for both Larry and Brad to see the errors of their ways and to welcome Nguyen into the neighborhood.

(Is Jonathan telling the truth about serving in Vietnam with Larry’s father?  Jonathan’s an angel so I assume that he is.  That, of course, means that this episode’s mission was not to help Nguyen feel at home in America but instead to help Larry overcome his own prejudice.)

As Jonathan and Mark prepare to leave for their next assignment, two kids on bicycles ride by and shout a slur at Nguyen.  They immediately fall of their bicycles and, when they try to get back on, they fall off yet again.  Mark laughs and says that God probably won’t object to Jonathan making that happen.  Of course, if Mark read about what happened to the Canaanites, he would know those two kids got off easy.

Especially when compared to last week’s odd episode, this was an admirably straight-forward episode.  There weren’t any great surprises to how the story unfolded but the story was told with such obvious sincerity that it worked.  It can be easy to laugh at this show’s lack of subtlety but, in an episode like this, the lack of subtlety worked to the show’s advantage.  Personally, I’ve gotten so used to snarky entertainment that it can be a bit of a pleasant surprise to watch something like this that is totally earnest and well-intentioned.  This was a heartfelt episode and, in its old-fashioned way, it still holds up today.

Retro Television Reviews: Jennifer Slept Here 1.10 “Do You Take This Ghost?”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Jennifer Slept Here, which aired on NBC in 1983 and 1984.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Jennifer wants to get married!

Episode 1.10 “Do You Take This Ghost?”

(Dir by Alan Myerson, originally aired on April 21st, 1984)

George is super-excited because Susan and his anniversary is coming up.  (Awwwww!  George is being sweet and romantic.  That kind of goes against everything that has been previously established about his character but whatever.  Let’s go with it.)  George says that he and Susan are going to celebrate by renewing their vows.  He’s even called the minister who performed their wedding to come do it again.  The ceremony will be held in the house because another set would cost money.

Hearing all of this, Jennifer starts to feel sad that she never had a traditional marriage when she was alive.  Fortunately, her ex-boyfriend, film star Doug Chadwick (Warwick Sims), has just died.  His ghost materializes in the house and soon, he and Jennifer are a couple again.  Jennifer and Doug decide to get married at the same time that George and Susan are going to renew their vows.  Joey can act as the best man for both ceremonies!

Can you see where this is heading?

Joey discovers that, even as a ghost, Doug Chadwick has issues with staying faithful.  While Jennifer plans out her wedding, Doug is sleeping with other ghosts.  He even loses the wedding ring while carousing in a hot tub.  (Ghosts in a hot tub?  I mean, I guess that could happen….)  At the ceremony, Joey tells Jennifer that she can do better than Doug.  Of course, since George and Susan are renewing their vows, they think that Joey is talking about them.  They assure Joey that they love each other.  Joey tells them that he knows they love each other because his father is not the type who would ever cheat on the woman that he loves or lose his wedding ring in a hot tub.  Jennifer takes Joey’s words to heart and calls off her ghost wedding.

This was an okay episode.  If I don’t sound too enthusiastic, it’s because I’m a bit exhausted with how every joke is basically Joey saying something to someone no one else can see and everyone responding by rolling their eyes.  I mean, after ten episodes of thinking that their son has been having loud arguments with himself, you have to wonder why his parents aren’t trying to do more to discover what the problem is.

My main issue with this episode is that, with all the good men who have died through history, why would Jennifer settle for a guy who, by her own admission, didn’t really treat her that well when they were alive?  I mean, Jennifer could marry James Buchanan or maybe Martin Van Buren.  Don’t settle, Jennifer!  Of course, that’s kind of the same thing that Joey told her so I guess I have to give him some credit for that.  As always, Ann Jillian was great as Jennifer and John P. Navin, Jr. did his best with Joey (who is a rather inconsistently written character) but this episode just never worked as well as it could have.  The idea of Jennifer having a ghost wedding had potential but this episode just kind of fell flat.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.10 “Pillow Talk”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

Tonight, a bed demands to be fed.

Episode 1.10 “Pillow Talk”

(Dir by David Odell, originally aired on December 24th, 1988)

Miles Magnus (John Diehl) is one of the most successful horror authors in the world, writing best seller after best seller.  All of his books seem to involve a “master” who forces other people to do something terrible.  This episode opens with Miles bringing home his date, Barbara (Ruth de Sosa), and immediately taking her to his bedroom.

Barbara is impressed, especially with the fact that Miles keeps all of his books in his bedroom.  Miles is more interested in pointing out his rather large bed.  Miles tells her that, like Marcel Proust, he does all of his writing in bed.  Barbara’s reaction indicates that she’s not sure exactly who Marcel Proust is.  Despite the fact that Miles is kind of awkward and geeky, it’s not long before Barbara has stripped down to her underwear, rolled around on the bed, and invited Miles to join her.

Then the bed eats her.

Seriously.  The mattress opens up like a mouth and two rather phallic tentacles wrap around Barbara and pull her into the gaping hole.  All that’s left behind are her high heels because, apparently, the bed does not like shoes.

It turns out that Miles has been using the old trick of writing about what you know.  Miles does have a master and it’s his bed.  Of course, the bed itself is possessed by a creature that Miles describes as being the last of “the Great Old Ones.”  So, Miles’s bed is possessed by Cthulhu?

The next night, Miles brings home another woman.  Vicki (Mary Woronov) is a writer herself.  She writes romance novels and she tells Miles that she feels as if they are kindred spirits because her novels also often feature a master/servant relationship.  Miles tries to maneuver Vicki over to the bed but, instead, Vicki finds Miles’s diary and leaves with it.

Vicki later calls Miles and tells him that she hasn’t been able to put down his diary, which she apparently believes to be a rough draft of his newest novel.  She invites him over to her apartment so they can discuss it.  Mostly wanting to get back his diary so his secrets are not revealed, Miles goes over to Vicki’s place.  Vicki says that she thinks they should collaborate on a new novel and more.  After checking to make sure that Vicki’s bed is not alive, Miles agrees.

Ha!  The joke’s on Miles.  Vicki’s bed may not eat people but her refrigerator does!  When Miles gets a beer, he’s dragged into the refrigerator by a familiar set of tentacles and only his shoes are left behind.  Cthulhu really does not like footwear!

This was an enjoyable piece of Lovecraftian-style whimsy, with John Diehl giving an effectively jittery performance and Mary Woronov stealing the entire episode with her more cool and icy turn as the femme fatale, Vicki.  Just as being confined to bed gave Proust the time to perfect his talent, having to feed his bed has made Miles into both a successful author and a mental wreck.  More than just being a show about a bed that eats people, this is also a story about the isolation of being an artist.  In order to keep his talent and inspiration from fading, Miles has to literally destroy every human relationship that he has.  He can blame it on Cthulhu all the he wants but, in the end, Miles is the one who made his bed and must now sleep in it.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.20 “Rent a Romeo/Matchmaker, Matchmaker/Y’ Gotta Have Heart”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, the Pacific Princess continues to be a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Episode 3.20 “Rent a Romeo/Matchmaker, Matchmaker/Y’ Gotta Have Heart”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on January 26th, 1980)

It’s time for another cruise on the Love Boat and once again, Doc Bricker is trying to get laid.

As I’ve often said in the past, The Pacific Princess really was a floating HR nightmare and that’s especially clear in any episode that opens with Doc bragging about how his latest girlfriend is about to board the ship.  This time, Doc is excited because he’s going to be joined by Sherry Holtham (Misty Rowe), who apparently took an acting class with Doc.  Imagine Doc’s surprise when Sherry boards the ship with her sister, the insecure and recently dumped Carol (Vicki Lawrence)!

Doc desperately wants some alone time with Sherry but, in order for that to happen, he’s going to have to find someone to show Carol a good time.  Gopher turns Doc down.  The Captain turns Doc down.  Fortunately, however, there is a legendary swinger on the boat.  Rod Baylor (football star Joe Namath) is on the boat and he’s always looking for a good time!  Gopher lies and tells Rod that Carol is notorious for being wild.  Rod takes a shot….

….and gets turned down because he came on too strong.  Gopher suggests that Rod open up to her about his insecurities.  Rod doesn’t have any insecurities but he lies to Carol and tells her that he’s actually very shy and reserved.  Carol is sympathetic and gives Rod her therapist’s card.

I guess the important thing here is that Sherry and Doc got to spend some time together.  They even get to wear matching red kimonos!  At the end of the cruise, Doc says a cheerful goodbye to Sherry but Rod is stuck with Carol and he looks absolutely miserable about it so …. wow, that was kind of a mean-spirited story, to be honest.

Speaking of sex, Sarah Conkle (Brett Somers) refuses to have sex with her husband, Harvey (Phil Harris), because she’s worried he’ll have another heart attack and die.  In fact, she spends almost the entire cruise telling Harvey not to do anything because she doesn’t think he’s healthy enough.  Finally, Harvey takes two bottle of champagne down to the cabin and he and Sarah not only have sex (off-screen, of course) but Harvey lives!  Sarah is so impressed that she lets Harvey carry their suitcases off the boat.  I’m going to guess that Harvey probably died a few days later.

Finally, young Jimmy Hopkins (Mark James) boards the ship with his amicably divorced parents, Evelyn (Ja’net DuBois) and Andrew (Cleavon Little).  Jimmy hopes that he can bring his parents back together (awwww!) and Vicki decides to help Jimmy come up with a plan.  That plan is to basically lie to every single man on the ship about Evelyn being married to a scary football player so that they’ll all stay away from her.  Jimmy also helps out by telling one of Evelyn’s suitors that he can’t wait for him to be his new stepfather.  (That guy is never seen again.)  Eventually, Evelyn and Andrew tell Jimmy that, though their marriage didn’t work, they will always love each other and that they will always be a part of his life.  Awwwww!

This was a mixed bag of an episode.  The storyline about Jimmy and his parents was sweet (even if it did involve a lot of lying) and featured good performances from DuBois and Little.  The storyline about the old couple was, if you’ll forgive the expression, dead in the water.  As for the Namath/Lawrence/Rowe storyline, it was pretty silly.  To be honest, any story that features Doc successfully seducing someone while wearing his red kimono is pretty silly.  Vicki Lawrence’s character didn’t go to do much, other than cry and complain.  Joe Namath, while hardly an actor of great range, had a goofy likability to him.  This episode was a breezy way to pass the time, even if it’s not one of the more memorable episodes of the series.

Last Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.4 “Deadly Vision”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

Tonight, Mitch reveals a new talent!

Episode 1.4 “Deadly Vision”

(Dir by Paul Lynch, originally aired on October 21st, 1995)

The highlight of this week’s episode is an extended sequence in which Mitch (David Hasselhoff) goes undercover.  He’s trying to protect his friend Destiny (Lisa Stahl) from a serial killer.  Because Destiny spends her days doing Tarot card readings in Malibu, Mitch decides that the best way to keep an eye on her is to dress up like a mime and perform for the crowds.

The crowds love Mitch, which leads me to wonder if maybe Mitch has some sort of previous mime experience.  I mean, either Mitch has had some professional training or pretending to be in a box is the easiest thing in the world to master because Mitch pulls it off like a pro.

At one point, Mitch poses with a cardboard cut-out of Bill Clinton.

Mitch does quite a bit as a mime.  He gets locked in an invisible box.  He juggles invisible balls.  He sings a silent song.  He even chases down and catches a thief.  What Mitch does not do is catch the serial killer.  The serial killer, who is probably not a fan of mimes, does not show up.  In fact, one could argue that Mitch doesn’t really accomplish any thing of particular importance while pretending to be a mime but the whole sequence pretty much epitomizes everything that makes Baywatch Nights so much fun.  David Hasselhoff as a mime?  It makes no sense but it’s fun!  A random cardboard cut-out of Bill Clinton?  It makes no sense but it’s fun!  Baywatch Nights is a fun show, precisely because it is so shamelessly silly.

Of course, Destiny is not having as much fun as Mitch is.  Destiny is continually having vision of people with whom she is casually acquainted being murdered.  Mitch and Garner (Gregory Alan Williams) have no problem believing that Destiny is having visions of the killer attacking people.  Ryan (Angie Harmon) is a bit more skeptical and I was happy about that, just because I’m also pretty skeptical about people who say that they can see the future.  It’s nice to have a character to whom I can relate on this show.  Mitch, Ryan and Garner think that the killer might be a con artist and a gigolo who they’re already investigating.  However, the show reveals early on that Destiny is being stalked by a crazed painter named Burt (Carl Weintraub).  Burt is obsessed with Destiny and he doesn’t like it when Destiny talks to other people, whether she’s telling their fortune or helping them investigate a crime.

In the end, the killer is thwarted and Destiny’s life is saved.  Hopefully, Mitch will continue to pursue his career as a mime because he’s got the talent!  I mean, you can’t lifeguard forever, right?

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.3 “The Skater’s Edge/Concerto of Death/The Last Great Race”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube, Daily Motion, and a few other sites.

This week, Fantasy Island loses a fantasy.  Read on to find out the details and remember, “Smiles, everyone!  Smiles!”

Episode 4.3 “The Skater’s Edge/Concerto of Death/The Last Great Race”

(Dir by Cliff Bole and Vince Edwards, originally aired on November 8th, 1980)

When this episode originally aired, it was a special two-hour episode of Fantasy Island, one that featured three fantasies as opposed to the usual two.

In Skater’s Edge, Charlie Johnson (Charlene Tilton) is a farm girl from Missouri who dreams of being a world class figure skater.  She comes to the Island to compete in the Fantasy Island Skating Competition.  Mr. Roarke gives Charlie a pair of magic skates that he claims belonged to figure skater Sonja Henie.  As long as Charlie is wearing the skates, she is the greatest skater in the world.  She takes the competition by storm and she also wins the heart of coach Mike O’Brien (Dack Rambo).  Unfortunately, in doing so, Charlie upsets Mike’s protégé, Laura Henderson (Peggy Fleming).  Laura steals Charlie’s skates but, after Mr. Roarke talks to her about the importance of friendship and fair play, Laura returns the skates to Charlie. Charlie gets a perfect score from the judges but, even more importantly, she learns a lesson in humility and she’s happy when Laura is named the winner of the competition.  Laura has the Fantasy Island championship but Charlie has got Mike.

In Concerto of Death, Dennis Cole plays Jeremy Hale, who comes to the island with his wife (Mary Ann Mobley).  Jeremy’s brother was a talented concert pianist who was murdered.  Jeremy wants to play as well as his brother but he also wants to solve his murder.  Roarke gives Jeremy an emerald ring that glows a deep green when Jeremy plays his piano.  Roarke warns Jeremy that his brother’s ghost might try to possess him and seek violent revenge against those who he blames for his death.  The scenes involving Jeremy being possessed feature Jeremy being suffused by a green glow and yes, it’s kind of silly but it’s still fun in the way that cheap special effects often are.  Eventually, Jeremy realizes that his brother was killed by Carla Marco (Erin Gray) and it ends with the police taking away Carla and Jeremy’s guest cabin burning to the ground.  That cabin burned down to the ground at least once per season.

Finally, in The Last Great Race, Dick Shawn and Juliet Mills play a couple who are divorcing.  They go on a race with the winner getting the majority of their possessions.

You may notice that I don’t have much to say about The Last Great Race.  This is because the Race fantasy was edited out of this episode when it went into syndication.  Unfortunately, all of the versions that I’ve found of this episode online are of the syndicated version.  So, I guess The Last Great Race is just going to be the lost fantasy of Fantasy Island.

It’s hard to judge this episode because, in the syndicated version, it’s very obvious that a lot has been removed.  It makes things feel a bit disjointed with the scene transitions often coming abruptly.  Charlie and Mike seem to fall in love in record time and Laura declaring herself to be Charlie’s friend seems odd because we haven’t really seen them interact before Laura steals her skates.  Meanwhile, the story with Jeremy also feels rushed with the final confrontation between Jeremy and the murderer seeming to come out of nowhere.

That said, it’s kind of a fun episode.  The skating scenes feature an obvious stunt double for Charlene Tilton and it’s hard not to be kind of charmed by how obvious it all is.  (You can get dizzy as the scene cuts from close-ups of Tilton’s face and close-ups of the stunt double’s legs.)  The supernatural story makes no sense but the silly special effects made me smile.  The episode ends with Mr. Roarke causing snow to fall on Fantasy Island but, in typical Roarke fashion, he makes sure that it only falls on Tattoo.  Roarke has a good laugh while Tattoo screams in terror.  Seriously, those two hate each other so much.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: CHiPs 1.4 “Moving Violation”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, we learn who is a good cop and who is a not-so good cop.

Episode 1.4 “Moving Violation”

(Dir by Edward M. Abroms, originally aired on October 13th, 1977)

Tonight’s episode of CHiPs doesn’t so much have a plot as much as it’s just a random collection of incidents that are designed to allow us to see the differences in personality between Officer Jon Baker and Officer Frank “Ponch” Poncharello.

Officer Baker is quiet, conscientious, and mild-mannered.  He’s the officer who spots a stolen church bus but gives his partner the credit for discovering it because his partner is on probationary status with the department.  On a more serious note, he’s also the guy who is sent to inform women that they are now widows because their husbands met misfortune on the California highways.  Tonight’s episode sees Baker being sent to inform a woman that her husband has died and Baker handles the job with sensitivity and tact.  He wipes away a tear of his own as the woman starts to cry.  Larry Wilcox was not exactly the most expressive actor in the world but, in that scene, he did a wonderful job.

Officer Poncharello, on the other hand, is a screw-up who smiles frequently, lies to an almost pathological extent, and who often looks straight at the camera while delivering his lines.  He’s the type of police officer who needs his fellow officers to lie to Sgt. Getraer about what a good police officer he is.  If Officer Baker is the ideal highway patrolman, Ponch is the guy who really shouldn’t be out there.  It’s not just that Erik Estrada looks notably less assured on that motorcycle than Larry Wilcox.  It’s also that Ponch himself doesn’t ever really seem to be paying attention to …. well, anything!

This episode, Ponch lies to a woman and gets her to go out on a date with him under the assumption that he’s a sergeant.  She’s not thrilled to discover that he’s just a police officer and that he drives (and live in) an RV.  Ponch is not thrilled when he gets a ticket for not using his turn signal and he has to take a driver’s education class.  Worried that he might run into someone who he has ticketed, Ponch wears a fake mustache and, eventually, a fake beard.

As I mentioned earlier, there’s not much of a story to this episode.  Ponch and Baker just deal with whatever they come across, whether it’s a stolen church bus or a man trapped in a van with a bunch of rattlesnakes.  The oddest moment of the show comes when they pull over a motorist played by football player Roosevelt Grier and Grier proceeds to start beating up his car.  Ponch and Baker just watch in amazement.  At one point, Grier puts his fist through a window and Ponch laughs.  Uhmm …. how about checking to make sure the guy isn’t bleeding to death?

And, hey — guess who shows up in driver’s education class at the end of this episode!?  And guess who rips off Ponch’s fake beard and mustache.  The episode ends with a freeze frame of a nervous Ponch laughing but I don’t think he’s going to be laughing much longer.

This was a weird episode.  It was basically a combination of broad comedy, lovely California scenery, and that one shockingly dramatic scene in which Baker told a woman that her husband was dead.  The episode was obviously meant to introduce us to Baker and Ponch.  I would definitely prefer to get pulled over by Baker because he’s obviously just trying to do his job quickly and efficiently.  Ponch, on the other hand….

Anyway, assuming that Ponch wasn’t killed by Rosey Grier, he should be next week!  We’ll see what happens!

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.13 “Milk Run”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs fail to observe movie line etiquette.

Episode 1.13 “Milk Run”

(Dir by John Nicolella, originally aired on January 4th, 1985)

At Miami International Airport, Tubbs is sweating buckets (one thing I do appreciate about Miami Vice is that it captures that Yankees never seem to get used to Southern humidity) while Crockett watches and smiles at a woman in a miniskirt.  Not surprisingly, ZZ Tops’s Legs is playing on the soundtrack.  Having good legs is definitely a plus in life.  They’ve certainly helped me out.

Anyway, Crockett and Tubbs notice that two teenagers have just paid for a ticket to Colombia in cash.  Crockett and Tubbs confront them in the airport cafeteria, causing both Louis Martinez (Evan Handler) and his friend, Eddie Rivers (Al Shannon), to make a run for it.  They manage to outrun both Crockett and Tubbs.  Louis and Eddie may not be as streetwise or experienced as the two cops but they’re definitely a lot younger and a lot quicker.

Louis is enthusiastic about Eddie flying down to Colombia and smuggling cocaine-filled statues into the United States.  Eddie is more nervous about it and keeps saying that he wishes he could just go home and pretend like they never agreed to help this week’s villains, the Moya cousins.

Not surprisingly, at least to anyone who has watched this show, Crockett and Tubbs just happen to be investigating a drug warehouse that belongs to the Moyas.  After the warehouse blows up, they discover a locker full of the statues and they also find out that the Moyas are into Santeria.  This leads to a scene where they attempt to interrogate one of their informants (played by Rainbow Harvest), a Santeria high priestess who works at a “punk rock movie theater.”  (Don’t ask me, I didn’t write the episode.)  While Crockett keeps bothering her at work, Tubbs has a tense conversation with her boyfriend, who is played by a youngish Eric Bogosian!

The two stories eventually link back up.  Eddie flies to Colombia but he and Louis are arrested by Crockett and Tubbs as soon as he returns to America.  While Louis continues to play tough, Eddie talks about how he wishes that he could just go back home and not get involved in any of this.  Crockett promises Eddie that he’ll make sure he gets home safely.  Can you guess who ends up getting gunned down the cartel at the end of the episode?

Milk Run was an episode about which I had mixed feelings.  At first, it was hard for me to have much sympathy for either Louis or Eddie.  But, at the same time, I also had a hard time having much sympathy for Crockett and Tubbs.  Whether they were holding up a line to interrogate a ticket agent at the airport or holding up the line to interrogate the Santeria priestess at the movie theater, they ended up holding up a lot of lines and that’s a pet peeve of mine.  But, by the end of this episode, I felt sorry for Eddie and the dark conclusion drove home the episode’s point.  There’s no way to escape your decisions.  Of course, by this point, we pretty much know what’s going to happen whenever Crockett promises to keep someone safe but that didn’t make the ending any less effective.

This was an okay episode.  The ending was powerful and it featured a strong supporting turn from John Kapelos in the role of a sleazy attorney.  In the end, the message was clear.  Don’t get involved with a shady business unless you’re totally prepared to deal with the consequences.