A Flask of Fields: W.C. Fields in NEVER GIVE A SUCKER AN EVEN BREAK (Universal 1941)

Posted on March 3, 2018 by gary loggins

I’ve professed my love for W.C. Fields before on this blog , and NEVER GIVE A SUCKER AN EVEN BREAK is undoubtedly my favorite Fields flick. This inspired piece of lunacy is The Great Man’s commentary on getting films made in Hollywood his way. In fact, Fields wanted to title the movie “The Great Man”, but Universal execs nixed the idea, instead using a line from POPPY, his stage and screen hit. The change caused Fields much consternation, quipping that the movie’s overlong title would be boiled down on movie marquees to “Fields – Sucker”!!

Universal starlet Gloria Jean with “Uncle Bill”

The film’s plot (and I use that term as loosely as possible!) has Fields playing himself, delivering his latest script to Esoteric Pictures head Franklin Pangborn . The story he’s concocted may have the long-suffering Pangborn rolling his eyes, but it’ll have you the viewer rolling on the…

View original post 628 more words

The Cloverfield Paradox – Great Spoilers

Posted on February 4, 2018 by casewright

tcp

It’s Superbowl Sunday!!! Better yet, it’s The Cloverfield Paradox on Netflix.

This movie is 1 part – Event Horizon, 1 Part – The Thing, and 1 Part – Boring.

We begin with a dying earth and pesky scientists have tried to create a free energy machine innnnnnnn spaaaaaaace. Sounds Legit.

There’s British people talking in traffic and I need closed captioning. The lady in traffic is apparently an astronaut and “Comm Officer”. However, I can’t understand anything she’s saying; so maybe, communications wasn’t the best fit?!

We’re on the space station and they’re trying to do some particle acceleratin’ …woohoo, but something is amiss. The story is really dragging.

Now, there’s nerds, foozball playing, and awkward conversation. Are we sure this is a Space Station and not the Google Campus? I do like that all peoples are represented and they’re all boring. It’s about time that we embraced that most people are boring and even some Netflix films.

They’re about to turn on their Shepherd Accelerator and …… they are making particles, energy, or s’mores? Then, the Shepherd overloads. I’m guessing they forgot to use a surge protector. They get control, but the earth is gone- must’ve left the Earth in their other solar system’s pants. They’re hurtling into empty space.

The crew is starting to act weird. The Russian- I’m going to call him Boris – is playing with his face a lot and we’re getting an Event Horizon vibe mostly because JJ Abrams decided to defile the memory of another one of my favorite films. The steel walls have screaming and they decide to open it….because sure. They reveal a woman fused to wires and the bulkhead who knows the Comm Officer’s name. It’s pretty gross. They try to do some ER work on her and she lives.

Meanwhile….Back on Earth. There’s explosions!!!

Back on the station…

The foozball is playing itself and things are disappearing: gyroscopes, worms, and my time. Boris has a worm creature in his head and it’s doing gross things to his eyeball. Boris starts talking to himself and the voices in his head ask him to make a 3d printed gun. Boris pulls the 3d printed gun on crewmates and dies with hundreds of worms shooting out of him.

The lady they found in the bulkhead – Mina – wakes up. She thinks that she was on the station the whole time. Mina accuses Schmidt of sabotage. For scientists, they are unimpressive. These dopes haven’t figured out that they’re in another dimension?! Did they get their PhDs from University of Phoenix?! They lock Schmidt up for sabotage and proceed to make bad choices.

Back on earth…. More explosions, but now there are screaming kids.

Back on the station: The ship’s Irish janitor is doing repairs and his arm gets detached. The ship let’s Schmidt out of the airlock and he’s being chased by the Irishman’s arm. The arm writes them a letter….really. It tells them to cut Boris’ corpse open. They find the gyroscope inside Boris. The comms come back and their current reality is pretty bad. They watch CNN and learn that they’ve traveled to Another Dimension …. Another Dimension … Don’t … you tell me to smile….Interplanetary. In this dimension, there’s World War III going on and everybody has goatees. They decide to turn on the Shepherd machine again and hopefully not attract a herd of sheep as well.

Back on earth, the Comm Officer’s husband has rescued a random kid and went to a bomb shelter.

Back on the Station: Tam figures out that condensation was messing with their calculations, but then she drowns….somehow. In the alternate dimension, Eva’s kids are alive. In the “Good Dimension” Eva apparently installed some bad track lighting and killed everyone, but in this “Evil Dimension” – they’re fine because she used lamps I suppose. Eva decides to go back to warn her twin not to use track lighting…..ever. I’ve noticed that they do A LOT of caulking in this movie to exciting music, but it’s still a guy caulking. There’s another malfunction and half the ship explodes.

The crew decides that they need to de-couple the broken part of the station, engendering a long scene of attempted space station repair. It was really slow AND they had this crazy 8-4pm window to do it. Then, the captain sacrifices himself to do it because why not?

Eva orders that they turn on the shepherd. All looks well, but Mina steals the gun and starts shooting. She needs the “firing key” for some reason. Presumably, the Shepherd will create energy, but that really makes no sense because it doesn’t create energy as much as derivative B-Movies. Mina manages to kill Eva in the final scene Aliens style and it’s mildly entertaining.

Schmidt lives and they start the Shepherd again, but first she warns her evil twin not to use Track Lighting and to give the ball to Marshawn Lynch in the 2015 Super Bowl. They see earth again- the good earth and they have a stable power beam. Eva’s husband doesnt want them to come back because—-monsters. Then, as the escape pod enters the atmosphere, we see a monster. So, they unleashed monsters and NBC’s Whitney.

This was a great bad movie, which is what JJ Abrams can do in his sleep. I would watch this if I had the flu or was in a B-movie place.

An OMG Moment with The Ross Sisters

Posted on November 3, 2017 by gary loggins

cracked rear viewer

While laid up at home battling sciatic nerve pain (which is pretty damn painful!), I turned on TCM for relief, and started watching BROADWAY RHYTHM, a 1944 musical starring George Murphy, Gloria DeHaven, and Jimmy Dorsey, among others. The movie itself was no great shakes, but this scene featuring a trio known as the Ross Sisters singing and dancing to “Solid Potato Salad” grabbed my attention:

Holy pretzels, Batman! Who were these scat-singing, torso-bending ladies?? I did a little research and found out, because… well, because that’s what I do! Apparently, they were Betsy, Vicki, and Dixie Ross from West Texas, who performed under the stage names Aggie, Maggie, and Elvira. These show-biz kids were teens at the time, but already gaining steam for their acrobatic contortions and three-part harmonies. The sisters even performed before the King & Queen of England at the London Pallaidium in 1946. Imagine that!

Betsy…

View original post 86 more words

Familiar Faces #5: She’s Like A Rainbeaux!

Posted on September 1, 2017 by gary loggins

cracked rear viewer

I’ve got a confession to make: I’ve had an insane crush on 70’s exploitation queen Cheryl “Rainbeaux” Smith ever since I first saw her brighten the screen in Jack Hill’s 1974 THE SWINGING CHEERLEADERS. Never a big star by any stretch of the imagination, the delightful, delectable blonde graced us with her presence throughout the 70’s and 80’s, making even the tiniest of parts memorable. This girl was just soooo damn cute!

Cheryl Lynn Smith was born on June 6, 1955. A typical California girl with blonde hair and freckles, Cheryl used to hang out on the Sunset Strip, a fixture at all the rock clubs: The Whiskey A-Go-Go, The Roxy, The Rainbow. She allegedly got the nickname “Rainbeaux” from the owner of these venues, the legendary rock impresario Mario Maglieri. Cheryl was well-known in the LA rock scene, and later in life played drums in an incarnation of The Runaways featuring…

View original post 753 more words

Kicking Off A Trend: FIVE FINGERS OF DEATH (Warner Brothers 1972)

Posted on June 10, 2017 by gary loggins

cracked rear viewer

When FIVE FINGERS OF DEATH first hit the local multiplex back in the day, everybody in the neighborhood was kung-fu fighting, throwing chops and roundhouse kicks at each other, trying to be like star Lo Lieh. Bruce Lee’s movies hadn’t yet made it our way, but David Carradine’s KUNG FU was must-see TV for every adolescent boy (and some of the cooler girls). Pretty soon chop-sockey action spread all over the city’s theaters, but it was FIVE FINGERS OF DEATH that reached New Bedford, MA first, and has always held a special place in my heart.

Hong Kong action star Lo Lieh plays Chao Chih-Hao, who’s sent to Shen Chin-Pei’s school by his mentor to train further and defeat Ming Dun-Shun’s “gangsters” in a martial arts tournament. Chih-Hao rescues damsel in distress Yen Chu Hung from some bad guys along the way, and though she comes on to him, his heart belongs to his mentor’s…

View original post 415 more words

Guilty Pleasure No. 34: Healed by Grace (dir by David Weese)

Posted on May 26, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Hi! I’m currently in the process of cleaning out my DVR. I recorded 2012’s Healed By Grace off of channel 58 — that’s a local station down here in Dallas — on March 21st.)

Healed by Grace tells the story of two 19 year-old dancers who have the same last name, despite the fact that they aren’t related and can’t stand each other.

Riley Adams (Natalie Weese) is an extremely sweet, sincere, and good-natured person, her only flaw being that she’s regularly running late and she doesn’t appear to be a very good driver. Riley is also a committed Christian, the type who gives a college presentation on the historical probability of the Great Flood. “Bible thumber,” one student says. “Cute bible thumper,’ another replies. Riley’s father is constantly telling her to pray for everyone, even the people who she doesn’t necessarily like.

And then there’s Aleah Adams (April Oberlin), who is rude and self-centered and who like totally rocks. Of course, the film doesn’t acknowledge that she totally rocks, at least not at first. In fact, I think that we’re supposed to dislike her because she’s always talking about how much better she is than Riley and, when they compete at a regional dance competition, Aleah is not a gracious winner. When Riley congratulates her, Aleah says that she knew she would win and then taunts Riley over the fact that her father couldn’t come to see her dance…

But here’s the thing. We get to see both Riley and Aleah dance. Riley is a boring dancer, with lots of technique but very little passion. Aleah is a much more wild and creative dancer. Riley dances to dull piano music. Aleah dances to EDM. Riley is St. Photini while Aleah is Salome. And while neither one of them is really that good (despite the number of times that we’re told that they are the best dancers in the country), Aleah is still a hundred times better than Riley. And, look, I get what the film was going for. When their coach asks them how they’re feeling after rehearsal, Aleah says that she knows she’s going to win while Riley says that she feels she did well but she could do better. I understand. We’re supposed to love Riley for being humble and resent Aleah for being full of herself and blah blah blah.

But, honestly, modesty is overrated. If you know you’re good, why shouldn’t you admit it? Speaking from my own personal experience, confidence is often mistaken for arrogance, in much the same way that determination is often mistaken for being self-centered. To be truly good at anything, you have to know that you’re good. Where’s the shame in admitting what you know to be true?

In other words, I related to Aleah, which probably indicates that I’m not audience that this movie was made for. (Admittedly, Aleah should not have spilled her drinking water on the floor right before Riley started dancing but we all make mistakes.)

Anyway, long story short — Riley gets involved in a horrific traffic accident, spends a few weeks in a coma, and suffers slight brain damage. Riley is determined to dance again but it becomes obvious that she never will. However, she finds a new love: horses. And, when it turns out that Aleah is related to the stablehand that Riley now has a crush on, the two rivals become friends…

In the past, I probably would have been totally snarky about this movie and, while I was watching it, I will admit to rolling my eyes a little. This is a low-budget and, in many ways, amateurish movie, specifically made for the faith-based market. This was especially obvious in the dance scenes. Riley is such an overwhelmingly upbeat character that I found myself getting annoyed with her.

And yet…

The movie’s just so positive! Normally, I scoff at movies that are too positive in the their outlook but, considering the overwhelming negativity of the world today, it was kind of nice to spend two hours watching a movie that didn’t have a single dark thought in its head. It was a break, so to speak, from the usual morbidity of my cinematic diet. It’s a sweet movie and, compared to most faith-based movies, remarkably unpreachy. Nobody was condemned to Hell. The Antichrist never showed up. No unbelievers were punished. Refreshingly, there were no anti-Catholic conspiracy theories. Instead, this was a nice movie about a girl and her horse and what’s wrong with that?

Previous Guilty Pleasures

My Reason to Watch WILSON (20th Century Fox 1944)

Posted on March 29, 2017 by gary loggins

cracked rear viewer

Normally I wouldn’t watch something like WILSON, producer Darryl F. Zanuck ‘s 1944 biographical box office flop about the 28th President of the United States. It didn’t sound like my cup of tea. But when I turned TCM on last night, there was Ben Mankiewicz introducing the film, so I decided I’d watch a little. I ended up watching the whole thing, and while it’s not very exciting, I did get engrossed in the movie, but not for the story.

The film itself follows the life and career of Woodrow Wilson, and his rise from President of Princeton University to Governor of New Jersey to U.S. President. How much is truth and how much fiction, I couldn’t tell you. I can tell you that character actor Alexander Knox is a dead ringer for Wilson, and pretty much carries the film with his statesmanlike manner. Ruth Nelson plays first wife Ellen, who dies a…

View original post 269 more words

Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: Guilty Pleasure No. 33: In the Mix (dir by Ron Underwood)

Posted on March 21, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Back in January, I had to get a new cable box. Sadly, when the boxes were switched, I lost everything that I had saved on the DVR. Over a hundred movies and TV shows were wiped away! However, I did not let this get me down. Instead, I decided to take advantage of the fact that I now had a lot more free space by literally recording anything that looked the least bit interesting.

Well, the day of reckoning has finally arrived. It is now March 21st and the DVR is nearly full. So, for the next few weeks, I am going to clean out my DVR and review what I watch! Now, I can’t say how long this is going to take. In the past, I’ve always given myself unrealistic deadlines. So, this time, I’m not giving myself a time limit. Instead, I’m just going to start watching what I’ve got recorded and hope that I’m done by 2018. We’ll see how it goes.

Anyway, I started things off by watching the 2005 mafia romance film, In the Mix.

I recorded In The Mix off of Starz on March 16th. I did this despite the fact that I’ve actually seen In The Mix quite a few times. In The Mix, which is technically a beyond terrible movie, is a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine. It’s a bit like From Justin To Kelly or On The Line. Even though all my instincts as a movie snob tell me not to do it, I can’t help but watch it.

In the Mix stars Usher as Darrell, the hottest DJ in New York. Every woman wants him and every man wants to be him. However, all Usher wants to do is hang out with the family of the local mob boss. It turns out that Don Frank (Chazz Palminteri) was friends with Darrell’s father and Darrell is now friends with Frank’s son, Frankie Jr. (Anthony Fazio). Frank hires Darrell to DJ his daughter’s birthday party.

(Frankie, Jr. is a white kid who wants to be black. Personally, I think there’s probably an interesting story in the idea of the son of an old-fashioned Italian mafia don who idolizes — or appropriates, depending on how you look at it — black culture but Frankie, Jr.’s characterization pretty much starts and ends with him saying, “Yo.”)

At the party, Darrell quickly falls in love with Frank’s daughter, Dolly (Emmanuelle Chriqui) and Dolly likes him too. Especially after he takes a bullet that was intended for her father. While Darrell is recuperating at the mansion, Frank tells Dolly that she can’t go outside unless she has a bodyguard. Dolly says that’s fine as long as the bodyguard is Darrell.

And you know what that means! It’s time for a makeover montage as Darrell gets a whole new wardrobe! Yay!

Anyway, the plot is about as predictable as the casting of Kevin Hart as Usher’s comedic sidekick and Robert Davi as a sinister gangster. Dolly and Darrell fall in love but you already knew that was going to happen. You also probably already guessed that Dolly already has a boring boyfriend named Chad (Geoff Stults) and that Darrell has a crazy ex-girlfriend named Cherise (K.D. Aubert). And, of course, Frank is not initially happy with the idea of Dolly leaving her rich lawyer boyfriend so that she can be with Darrell. However, Darrell eventually gets a chance to prove himself by rescuing Dolly from some rival gangsters and he’s welcomed into the crime family. Of course, he gets shot a second time. “If the ghetto’s so dangerous,” he says as he lies on the ground, “how come I keep getting shot by white people?” Everyone has a good laugh as they wait for the ambulance. That’s the type of movie that In The Mix is.

As I watched In The Mix, I realized that it was actually a lot worse than I remembered and yet, I still enjoyed it. Why? To be honest, it all comes down to Usher and Emmauelle Chriqui, both of whom look really, really good and who have enough chemistry that they can overcome an amazingly clunky script. You reallydo believe that the two of them actually are into each other and you hope that things will work out for them because they’re such a ludicrously attractive couple. In The Mix is an incredibly shallow and silly movie but the stars both look good when they kiss and, ultimately, that’s what a movie like this is all about.

That said, in the future, I probably won’t bother to set the DVR for it again.

Previous Guilty Pleasures

Death Race 2050 – ALT Title: Miffed Max: Budget Road, Reviewed like a boss!

Posted on January 22, 2017 by casewright

dr2050

We’ve got a great big Death Race… runnin’ through the night. [sung]

So, the OA was ok, but just not good enough to keep anyone’s interest for my reviews. The result: my editor took pity on me and gave my brain a rest with…..

DEATH RACE 2050

I will say this for Death Race 2050 – Manu Bennet AKA Slade Wilson can act. It kind of got to me that he’s in a Roger Corman flick. The other actors belonged in Roger Corman films, including Malcolm McDowell, who I always thought was a hack, but Manu Bennet really needs a new agent.

The Death Race world is a desolate shit hole with 99% unemployment; yet, we are overpopulated…. somehow. Also, because of the over-population we need to do some culling in a very inefficient way, hence the Death Race. We all need to NOT think about why we need such an inefficient way to decrease the population because it will ruin your guilty pleasure. The political statement doesn’t really make sense because America is supposed to be a Corporation, but nobody works or makes anything and all we do is watch people’s homemovies. So, America is Youtube! HIYOOOO!!!

The Death Race is a coast to coast kill spree that awards points to drivers who kill pedestrians along the way. The Chairman who is obviously Donald Trump is the inventor of the death race. He sees it as a good distraction for the masses who use VR to experience the carnage. The drivers are Frankenstein – the anti-hero and reigning champion, Minerva-the rapper, Tammy- interfaith evangelist (really), Perfectus- a genetically engineered heir apparent- who is closeted, and an artificially intelligent car. To advance the plot, every driver is paired up with a co-pilot to provide openings for dialogue and comic relief.

The anti-hero of the story is Frankenstein (Manu “Why am I doing this?” Bennet). He doesn’t care about the craphole that the world is because he likes to race. Annie is his Co-Pilot, but she is actually with the Resistance … DUN DUN DUN! The Resistance is a group of angry democrats who are trying to figure out how 1) we elected a fascist and 2)how we can get people to vote in 4 years…. Wait, that’s my reality. The race begins with a lot people getting run over and points being awarded to drivers – this goes on for about a half hour.

Then, they reach the Heartland. These people are slightly harder to kill because they shoot back. During this time, we learn by a lot of telling that Annie is in the Resistance and needs to kill Frankenstein, but she is starting to love him. Also, the Resistance leader is in cahoots and the paramour of the evil Chairman.

Annie tries to set up Frankenstein as per her orders and he gets attacked by Ninjas. Ok fine, ninjas it is! He kills the ninjas and quasi-forgives Annie. They end up at a well-stocked, but unattended hotel. Perfectus over-acts, attacks Frankenstein, and tries to come to terms with his sexuality. It’s a very fast arc. Just as Perfectus is about to kill Frankenstein, Annie knocks him out. Annie’s gonna knock you out….I’m gonna you out. [Sung as LL Cool J]. This allows Annie and Frankenstein to begin to fall in love. AWWWW.

The Southwest and New Los Angeles

The Chairman changes the rules to keep Frankenstein on one road that is a trap. Frankenstein wins, the other racers die, and Frankenstein decides to kill the Chairman. Yep, life comes at you pretty fast in Death Race 2050. This is not at all like Death Race 2050 BC because chariots couldn’t go that fast. BAM!

Frankenstein runs down the Chairman and then asks America to do their own race, causing the entire population to kill each other. This begs the point: why not do that instead of a Death Race?

Death Race 2050 had a lot of schlock for the buck. There was loud death metal, weird cars, bewbs, Donald Trump references, and Manu Bennet. I would say Death Race 2050 is a fine way to spend 90 minutes of your day, if you are into these films. I don’t know if this was Grindhouse, but it’s gotta be close to the genre. Cheers!

death_race_2050-300x278

It’s A Wonderful Pottersville!

Posted on December 18, 2016 by casewright

1775489-banker

It’s that time of year where I share with my loyal readers a hidden treasure! For years, we were kept in the dark of parallel dimension! A Better World! A Brighter World! A world where Mr. Potter prevailed against the forces of evil that sought to undermine good itself! After Good prevailed, David Brinkley interviewed the Great Mr. Potter!!

The following is a re-broadcast of the 1955 interview with David Brinkley and Mayor Potter of the eponymous Pottersville.

David Brinkley: Ladies and Gentlemen this is a portrait of a town that came back. The best example of which is the bustling Boffo town of Pottersville. I am interviewing the man who brought this town back after a factory closing and 1920s financial collapse: Mr… I mean Mayor Potter.

Mayor Potter: Thank you, David.

David Brinkley: Mr. Mayor, your town is synonymous with nightlife and culture. Now, it is hosting it’s fourth International Film Festival. It seems to stand out among so many New York factory towns. What happened?

Mayor Potter: HRHHPFM! It was a near run thing.

David: How so?

Mayor Potter: We had this flirtation with communism in the 19 teens and 20s.

David: *Gasps*

Mayor Potter: It’s true. We had this Bolshevik style building and loan.

David: A building and what?

Mayor Potter: It was a bank … of sorts. This guy “Pa” Bailey *Uses air quotes with an eye-roll* would talk rubes into giving him money to build people homes who were too broke to pay their mortgages.

David: Come again?

Mayor Potter: Get this, when you wanted to make a withdrawal you’d either have to wait 60 days or some jackass would use his personal savings to “loan” you money.

David: *Eyes Widen*

Mayor Potter: Oh yeah Dave, This commie bank was always screwing with people’s money. The owner hired his brother Billy – he was this unreformed drunkard and he had a menagerie of unvaccinated feral animals in his office. And, when this Building and Loan would really squander their funds and bills would come due, Billy would knock on people’s doors holding a wicker basket begging for donations all over town.

David: Wicker? What kinds of animals? What?!

Mayor Potter: UGGHH, Bailey had everything in there… crows, squirrels, probably had a damn bobcat for all we knew. Bailey’s in a mental ward now. But, he wasn’t even the worst…

David: Come on..

Mayor Potter: Try getting a prescription filled back in those days. We had a homicidal druggist poisoning people … Bowser or something or other. He got locked up and’s he’s dead now …. good riddance.

David: Weren’t there two Bailey sons?

Mayor Potter: The younger Brother was a war hero and now works for DuPont and designed some weed killer Agent Purple or something.

David: Not to turn this into a History of the Baileys.

Mayor Potter: No big deal. George went off to college and married a local girl…Mary. He designs pipelines in Venezuela for Shell Oil. He calls me every now and again. He just got back from Europe with Mary- He goes at least once a year. Could you imagine if George had tried to keep his Dad’s commie bank going? He would’ve wished he’d never been born!

David: Back to the town, what changed?

Mayor Potter: Well, Pa Bailey died and then the Crash.

David: How did your recover from the crash?

Mayor Potter: Recover?! The Crash helped us! I bought up the failing businesses and turned this town around. We needed new revenue from new sources.

David: About that, after the war, Pottersville was criticized for what some called a seamy downtown.

Mayor Potter: *Shrugs* You’re a veteran. After the war, people wanted to blow off some steam and that means dancing, music, and booze. Our downtown is different now. Even then, it was still better than the boring Bedford Falls anytown USA….Bleh! We’re the only Right To Work county in New York! What did that bring? Headquarters and more business than Buffalo or Detroit combined! We have 12 museums, 200 restaurants, a financial center, a subway, and a Theater district second only to New York City! Besides, nightlife and culture is what brings people to cities. “Honey, let’s splurge and visit Des Moines… Said no one ever!”

David: You have a point. This is truly a magnificent achievement.

Mayor Potter: Thank you.

David: That’s all. Good luck and good night.

Pottersville Circa: 1947