The TSL’s Grindhouse: The Scary on Sixty-First (dir by Dasha Nekrasova)


Now streaming on Shudder, The Scary of Sixty-First is a weird little movie.

Two friends who don’t really seem to like each other that much, Noelle (Madeline Quinn) and Addie (Betsey Brown), move into a fully furnished Manhattan apartment.  The apartment, they are told, has been uninhabited for a few years.  The realtor asks them not to play the piano.  One of the mattresses is stained with blood.  Hidden amongst the surprisingly ornate furniture are mystical books and mysterious cards.  It’s kind of a creepy place but it’s also in Manhattan and it’s affordable.

Addie, we’re told, has a history of mental instability and a difficult relationship with her family.  (Noelle, at one point, refers to Addie’s father as being a pedophile.)  Addie also has an idiot boyfriend named Gary (Mark Rapaport, who also produced the film).  Gary may be a little bit slow but he has his standards and when Addie starts to speak in a strange voice and ask him to take part in some truly perverse role play, he freaks out.

Meanwhile, Noelle meets a mysterious person who is only referred to as being The Girl (played by the film’s director, Dasha Nekrasova).  The Girl is hooked on speed and conspiracy theories.  The Girl explains that Noelle and Addie’s apartment was once used by Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell.  The Girl says that she’s investigating their crimes but her investigation mostly seems to consist of watching YouTube videos and walking around New York.  Within hours of meeting each other, Noelle and the Girl are lovers but when The Girl tries to demonstrate why Epstein couldn’t possibly have hanged himself, Noelle appears to deliberately hesitate before saving the Girl’s life.  Later, as they walk around New York, the Girl spots a woman who she claims is Ghislaine Maxwell.

As for Addie, she’s having nightmares and when she’s not dreaming, she’s sleepwalking and doing even more.  She’s also becoming obsessed with the British Royal Family.  She’s especially interested in Prince Andrew….

“Epstein didn’t kill himself,” as the saying goes and one reason why people are still saying that years after Jeffrey Epstein’s death is because it’s obvious that, whether he killed himself or not, he still took a lot of secrets with him to the grave.  I’m a student of conspiracy theories but I wouldn’t call myself a believer.  I tend to assume that most of what happens in the world is due to random fate as opposed to the unseen hand of some secret organization.  That said, I totally accept that there’s a very good chance that Jeffrey Epstein was murdered on the orders of the rich and powerful people who he previously flew to his private island.  One reason why The Scary of Sixty-First works is because, as bizarre as the film gets, it’s still dealing with a conspiracy theory that even most skeptics find to be plausible.

And indeed, it’s a bizarre film, one that plays out like a filmed dream.  Little about the film makes sense and, at the end of it, you’re still left with a lot of unanswered questions but then again, that’s a feeling that will be familiar to anyone who has ever gone down a conspiracy rabbit hole.  Are Noelle and Addie truly being possessed by evil auras of Epstein and Maxwell or are they just allowing their own paranoia to drive them mad?  Much like a dream, the answers are there but they’re hidden.  It’s a film that many people will find to be distasteful but, at its best, it captures the speed-fueled logic of the modern conspiracy theorist.  It’s a jolt of psychosis captured on a film.  The apartment becomes a metaphor for both the sins of the past and the uncertainty of the present.

Understandably, many will find the film to be distasteful and it often is.  But, at the same time, The Scary on Sixty-First captures the atmosphere and the paranoia of our current cultural moment.  After all, Epstein didn’t kill himself.

Film Review: The Weekend Away (dir by Kim Farrant)


“First time in Croatia?” asks handsome taxi driver Zain (Ziad Bakri).

As soon as Beth (Leighton Meester) answers in the affirmative, we know that she’s in trouble.  If you’ve seen enough thrillers, you know that any trip to another country is going to lead to trouble.  Beth may think that she’s just going to be spending a week or two with her wild best friend, Kate (Christina Wolfe), but we know that something bad is going to down.  And the minute that Kate insists that Beth dress up and go to a club with her, we know that someone is going to end up missing.

The next morning, Beth wakes up with a hangover, a cluttered villa, and an absent best friend.  Where is Kate?  Kate and Beth were supposed to go on bicycle tour but now, Kate is nowhere to be found!  More than one person suggests that maybe she didn’t want to do the whole cycling thing.  I don’t blame her.  You go, Kate!  Don’t let your friend guilt you into doing something that lame!

However, Beth starts to have flashbacks to the night at the bar.  It turns out that Beth is almost as much of a lightweight as I am when it comes to drinking because a glass of wine has totally wrecked her memory.  When Kate’s landlord mentions that Kate brought two men back to the villa with them, Beth starts to think that something terrible has happened to Kate!  The police soon agree with her but they think that Beth is the culprit!

Teaming up with Zain, Beth starts to investigate on her own.  Her husband (Luke Norris) is not happy to learn that, while he’s in London with their baby, his wife is running around Croatia with a sensitive and widowed taxi driver,  Needless to say, it soon turns out that just about everyone involved has a secret that they’re trying to hide.

The Weekend Away is the latest Netflix original thriller.  It starts out on a good note, with Kate and Beth catching up on their lives in Croatia.  Leighton Meester and Christina Wolfe are convincing as old friends who have followed different life paths and Croatia itself looks both inviting and ominous at the same time.  Unfortunately, once Kate disappears, the film gets a bit uneven and some of the characters do some things that don’t really make sense and the actors themselves sometimes seem to be struggling to find a way to make their dialogue sound credible.  The film starts with a lot of promise but the mystery itself turn out to not be as interesting as one might hope.  That’s my long-winded way of saying that you’ll figure out what happened long before anyone else in the film does.

Again, it’s an uneven film but I do like to focus on the positive so I will say that the film was nice to look at.  The scenes in the club were well-directed and captured both the chaos and the fun of discovering an exciting city for the first time.  Leighton Meester and Christina Wolfe were convincing as friends and Luke Norris kept you guessing as Beth’s husband.  It’s the Netflix equivalent of fast food.  It’s the type of film that you enjoy for what it is and then you forget about it a few hours later.

Running For His Life: The Lawrence Phillips Story (2016, directed by Ross Greenburg)


Lawrence Phillips could have been one of the greatest professional football running backs of all time but he couldn’t outrun his demons.

Phillips was a great high school and college player.  He led the University of Nebraska to victory in the 1995 Orange Bowl and the 1996 Fiesta Bowl.  But even when he was playing under the legendary coach Tom Osborne at Nebraska, there were signs of the issues that would eventually end his professional career.  In 1995, he was arrested for breaking into an apartment, grabbing his ex-girlfriend, dragging her down three flights of stairs by her hair and then smashing her head into a mailbox.  At first, he was suspended from playing football but he was eventually reinstated by Coach Osborne.  At the time, Osborne said that football was perhaps the only thing in Phillips’s life that could keep him on track.

The assault may have kept Phillips from winning the Heisman Trophy that he had been widely considered a favorite to receive but it didn’t keep him out of the NFL.  In the 1996 Draft, the Rams selected him as the 6th overall pick.  Phillips proved himself to be a talented running back but his life off the field continued to be erratic.  When he showed up drunk for a pre-game practice, Phillips was cut from the team.

Phillips went to Miami, where he played two games for the Dolphins before he was arrested and charged with assaulting a woman in a nightclub.  Again cut from the team, Phillips eventually ended up in NFL Europe, where he set records and proved that he could still play.  Returning to America in 1999, Phillips was signed by the 49ers but he was cut after refusing to practice and missing a block that led to quarterback Steve Young suffering a season (and career) ending concussion.

With no future in the NFL, Phillips signed with the Arena Football League but was cut when he failed to show up for practice.  He then went to Canada, where he had one good season with Montreal Alouettes before again getting cut after being charged with a sexual assault.  The last team he played for was the Calgary Stampede.  He was cut for arguing with the coach.

Phillips was 30 years old and washed up as an athlete.  After his then-girlfriend tried to break-up with him, he grab her by the throat and nearly strangled her.  A few days later, while driving around Los Angeles, he spotted three teenagers playing a pick-up football game.  He joined their game but, after he became convinced one of them had stolen some money from him, Phillips ran the teen over with his car.  Convicted of both domestic abuse and attempted murder, Phillips was sentenced to a total of 31 years in prison.

In prison, he originally kept his head down, refused to join any of the prison gangs, and stayed out of trouble.  But, in 2015, Phillips’s cellmate was found strangled to death in their cell.  Phillips claimed that he had accidentally killed him in self-defense.  Charged with murder and facing the death penalty, Lawrence Phillips was found hanging in his cell.  The official ruling was suicide.

What happened to Lawrence Phillips?  How did he go from being one of the best players in the game to being an inmate in the California penal system?  That’s the question that’s considered by the documentary, Running For His Life.  Featuring interviews with his friends, coaches, teammates, and one of his victims, Running For His Life follows Phillips from his abusive childhood to his final days in prison.  Almost everyone who is interviewed describes Phillips as being outwardly intelligent, friendly, and talented, except for when he was angry.  That was when the other Lawrence would come out.  Most of the people interviewed still seem to be shocked that Phillips’s life derailed the way that it did.  Tom Osborne comes across as being particularly troubled that he wasn’t able to do more to help Phillips overcome his demons.  The majority of the people interviewed say that Phillips’s problems were the result of growing up in group homes and spending his childhood being abused by the people who were supposed to be looking out for him.

It’s a compelling argument but Running For His Life could have used a greater variety of voices.  Almost everyone who is interviewed was a friend of Phillips’s and, even though they acknowledge his crimes, it still seems that they are sometimes too quick to make excuses for him.  Many of the women who he victimized were not interviewed and, as a result, the documentary feels incomplete.  His victims deserved more than just a cursory mention.  It may be a tragedy that Lawrence Phillips never lived up to his potential but the far greater tragedy is that so many people were hurt by his actions.

Lifetime Film Review: The Wrong Blind Date (dir by David DeCoteau)


“Looks like he was the wrong blind date!”

You tell them, Vivica A. Fox!

The Wrong Blind Date is the latest of the Lifetime “Wrong” films.  Like all of the “Wrong” films, it was directed by David DeCoteau and it features Vivica A. Fox delivering the film’s title.  It may seem somewhat silly to those who don’t regularly watch these films but, if you’re a fan of the “Wrong” series, you will literally sit through just about anything just for the chance to hear Vivica A. Fox say the movie’s name.  The film’s realize this too.  Lifetime films, at their best, are very self-aware.  None are as self-aware as the “Wrong” films.

In this one, Fox has a supporting role.  She plays Beth, who works as a therapist.  One of her patients is Laura (Meredith Thomas).  Laura has got a lot to deal with.  Her daughter, Hannah (Sofia Masson), has just started going to college and is dating Noah (Rainer Dawn).  Laura and her friend, Angela (Lesli Kay), are trying to launch their own design firm.  Laura is also in the process of getting a divorce from her husband, an abusive ex-cop named Michael (Clark Moore).  Michael is controlling and temperamental and he’s also determined to convince Laura not to go through with the divorce.

When Laura puts her profile on a dating website, she’s shocked by the number of replies that she gets.  One of those replies is from Kevin (Matthew Pohlkamp).  Kevin is handsome and charming and he lives in Beverly Hills.  He lists his job as investment banking.  Kevin has money and he’s so interested in Laura that he even finds a way to contact her after she deletes her dating profile!  At first, Laura thinks that Kevin’s behavior is a little stalkerish but then she agrees to go on one date with him.  And that one date leads to another and then another and then….

But wait a minute!  This is a Lifetime film!  Even more importantly, this is a “Wrong” film.  Those of us who have spent years viewing these movies know better than to trust any perfect man who claims to be wealthy.  Laura may not realize that there’s obviously something sinister about Kevin but we do!  Unfortunately, Laura is so used to her husband acting like a jerk that she’s overly impressed when Kevin does things like refuse to pick a fight with an obnoxious drunk.  It’s only after Laura leaves that Kevin returns to the bar and beats the man up.

Yes, Kevin has some problems.  He’s the wrong blind date.  And it soon becomes apparent that he’s lying about who he is, where he lives, and what he even does for a living.  It’s not a spoiler to tell you that Michael has hired Kevin to fool his wife, all as a part of a rather silly plan to convince Laura to take him back.  But when Kevin starts to become obsessed with Laura, not even Michael can stand in his way.

These films are predictable but fun.  We all know better than to trust Kevin but that doesn’t make it any less enjoyable to watch as Hannah vainly tries to convince her mother that she needs to do a little more research into her new boyfriend’s background.  And, of course, there’s the murders.  There’s always a murder or two in a Lifetime film.  Mereidth Thomas and Sofia Masson are convincing as mother and daughter and Matthew Pohlkamp is credible whether being charming or unhinged.  And, of course, Vivica A. Fox says the name of the movie.  It’s Lifetime, what’s not to enjoy?

Film Review: No Exit (dir by Damien Power)


After she learns that her mother is in the hospital and possibly on the verge of death, Darby (Hannah Rose Liu) breaks out of drug rehab, steals a car, and starts driving to Salt Lake City.  However, what Darby doesn’t know is that she’s also driving straight into a blizzard.  Soon, Darby is forced to take shelter at a nearby state park visitors center.

Darby isn’t the only person seeking shelter that night.  There’s a married couple, Ed (Dennis Haysbert) and Sandi (Dale Dickey).  Ed is a veteran of the Marine Corp while Sandi is a nurse.  There’s Ash (Danny Ramirez), who has the friendliest smile to ever be seen in the middle of a blizzard.  And then there’s Lars (David Rysdahl), who is distinguished by his long hair and his nervous mannerisms.  When Darby first enters the visitors center, Lars is curled up in a corner and loudly snoring.

And then there’s Jay (Mila Harris).  Jay is a child who happens to be bound and gagged in one of the vehicles parked outside.  When Darby discovers her, she has to not only save the child’s life but also figure out which one of the people in the visitors center is responsible for kidnapping her.

Clocking in at a brisk 90 minutes, No Exit is full of twists and turns.  I’ll do my best to keep spoilers to a minimum in this review.  Not all of the film’s twists work, of course.  There’s a few moments that, in hindsight, didn’t exactly make sense.  After watching the film, you could spend hours debating why certain characters did the things that they did, assuming that you were so inclined and that you could actually find anyone else willing to sit through your analysis.  However, the film itself is so quickly paced and well-directed that it doesn’t matter that the story itself is occasionally a bit implausible.  From the minute Darcy breaks out of that rehab, the film captures the viewer’s attention and it doesn’t let go until the final credits start to roll up the screen.  This is an entertaining B-movie, one that makes good use of its isolated location and its talented cast.  Havana Rose Liu especially deserves a lot of credit for her sympathetic lead performance as Darby.  Darby is a cynic and a survivor but she still has enough humanity inside of her to risk her life for a stranger.

The film looks great, with its scenes of cars driving through the raging snow storm and the film’s cast gathered in the somewhat tacky visitors center.  All of the snow falling reminded me of i’m thinking of ending things and I have to admit that a part of me kept expecting there to be some sort of a metaphysical twist towards the end of the film.  I found myself wondering if the visitors center would be revealed to be Hell, which wasn’t a totally outlandish idea when one considers that the film shares the same name as Sartre’s famous play.  But no, No Exit is a thriller that deals with concerns that are very much earthbound.  It’s an well-executed thriller and an entertaining way to spend 90 minutes.  It can currently be viewed on Hulu.

International Film Review: Don’t Kill Me (dir by Andrea De Sica)


Don’t Kill Me, an Italian film that is currently available on Netflix, opens with two teenagers in a car.  Robin (Rocca Fasano) is driving.  His girlfriend, Mirta (Alice Pagani), is in the passenger’s seat.  Robin is driving fast and erratically.  In fact, he nearly crashes the car more than a few times.  This is because Robin is driving with his eyes closed, forcing Mirta to shout directions at him.  It’s almost as if Robin wants Mirta to come to a violent end.

Eventually, they end up in a quarry.  Having taken a break from attempting to crash the car, Robin wants Mirta to take a drug with him.  Mirta’s never tried the drug before.  She’s nervous, even though Robin assures her that it will be a wonderful experience.  Mirta finally agrees but requests, “Please don’t kill me.”

Yeah, good luck with that.

Of course, Mirta dies.  Mirta’s body is sealed up in her family’s vault.  A few hours after the funeral, a very confused and angry Mirta smashs her way out of the vault.  Dazed, she wanders back to her old house.  She’s definitely not alive but she’s not completely dead either.  Instead, she is one of what the film calls “the Overdead.”  She’s nearly immortal.  At one point, she gets shot several times and, while it’s not a pleasant experience, it also doesn’t come anywhere close to killing her.  She still has her memories of what life was like before she died and, to judge from the other members of the Overdead who she meets, it appears that she won’t ever age.  Unfortunately, being one of the Overdead also means that if she doesn’t regularly drink the blood of the living, she’ll start to decay.  Starvation is the only way to destroy a member of the Overdead.  There’s a secret group of men who have spent centuries tracking down and starving the Overdead.  Those men are soon chasing after Mirta.

Don’t Kill Me is at its strongest during its first half, when the film skips through time and the emphasis is on atmosphere and ennui.  The scene where Mirta breaks through the crypt carries hints of Jean Rollin’s Living Dead Girl and, much like Rollin’s best films, the first half of Don’t Kill Me often focuses on both the importance and the mystery of how we recall things.  Meanwhile, the scenes of Mirta wandering through the countryside and prowling the clubs for food are reminiscent of Jess Franco’s Female Vampire.  The first half of the film feels like a tribute to the wonderful Eurohorror of the past.  Unfortunately, the film starts to lose its way once Mirta is captured by the secret society that’s trying to destroy her.  In its second half, it just becomes another film about escaping from a military base.  Don’t Kill Me is based on a YA novel and it’s obviously meant to be the first in a series of films about Mirta’s life as one of the Overdead.  As a result, the film’s ending is a bit unsatisfactory.  For all the build-up, it sputters to a “to be continued” style conclusion.

That said, there was enough that worked about Don’t Kill Me that I’m willing to forgive what didn’t work.  I may be alone in that as most of the online reactions that I’ve seen towards this film have been overwhelmingly negative.  Well, so be it.  There was enough atmosphere to keep me interested.  Alice Pagani gave a pretty good and sympathetic performance as the conflicted Mirta and Fabrizio Ferracane, as the man determined to capture and starve her, was enjoyably villainous.  Don’t Kill Me may not be for everyone but it worked for me.

The TV Set (2006, directed by Jake Kasdan)


Mike Klein (David Duchovny) is a scriptwriter who suffers from chronic backpain and whose wife (Justine Bateman) is pregnant.  Mike has developed an autobiographical TV dramedy about a young man trying to come to terms with the suicide of his brother.  He’s sold it to one of the networks but, when he tries to shoot the pilot, he watches as his original concept is continually compromised and diluted by Lenny (Sigourney Weaver), the president of the network.  After rejecting Mike’s choice for the lead role because the actor had a beard, Lenny forces him to cast Zack Harper (Fran Kranz), a mugging young actor who lets pre-stardom go to his head.  Lenny continues to change Mike’s concept until he can barely even recognize his pilot.  Will Mike be able to retain his vision or will network TV continue to be dominated by shows like Slut Wars?

Occasionally, you’ll see a film that was obviously made by a writer/director who was obviously looking to settle some old scores with the studio execs that he had to deal with in the past.  Christopher Guest’s first film as a director was The Big Picture, a sharp and clever satire with Kevin Bacon as a film student who discovers there’s little he won’t compromise on to get his film made.  Before Guest’s film, Blake Edwards lost a fortune making a film called S.O.B. because he wanted to get back at the people who he blamed for ruining Darling Lili.  Continuing the tradition of those films but moving the action to the networks, The TV Set was directed by Jake Kasdan, the son of Lawrence Kasdan.  Jake worked on a number of TV shows with Judd Apatow (most famously, Freaks and Geeks) and The TV Set feels like his chance to get revenge on any number of real-life studio execs.  It’s an insider’s view of what’s wrong with television but sometimes it becomes such an insider’s view that it becomes hard to relate to Mike and or really care about his show, which sounded pretty bad even before the network suits got involved.  Too often, it feels like the movie itself is more about settling personal grudges than saying anything about the state of television.

The TV Set has got a large cast, some of whom manage to create an interesting character despite Kasdan’s overstuffed script.  I especially liked Judy Greer, who played Mike’s always-positive agent.  I got the feeling that we were supposed to be as annoyed with Greer’s character as Mike often was but Greer gives such an energetic performance that it’s impossible to dislike her, no matter how far she went in her attempts to always put a positive spin on the bad news coming from the set of Mike’s pilot.  I also like Fran Kranz and Lindsay Sloane, who played the two actors forced on Mike by the studio.  Indeed, probably one of the film’s biggest problems is that all of the characters that we’re supposed to find annoying are played such likable actors that it’s hard to really sympathize with Mike when he starts complaining about them.  David Duchovny sleepwalks through the role of Mike but he’s not helped by a script that can never seem to decide if Mike’s supposed to be a visionary or just a hopeless naïve victim of the industry.

The TV Set, which was made a few years before the start of the streaming revolution, ends with a warning that television will soon be full of shows like Slut Wars and there won’t be any room for artists like Mike Klein.  The TV Set wasn’t wrong but what it failed to predict was that there would soon be other platforms on which the Mike Kleins of the word could broadcast their shows.

Time of the Apes (1974/1987, directed by Kiyosumi Fukazawa and Atsuo Okunaka)


Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

As a result of a natural disaster, three people are frozen.  By the time that they thaw it, several hundreds of years have passed and Earth is now a very different place.  Humans are now second-class citizens and the planet is ruled by apes, who speak English, live in their own cities, and have their own militaristic society.  The humans go on the run, to avoid being possibly destroyed by the ape leaders who either cannot accept or are trying to cover up the fact that Earth was once dominated by humans.  In fact, it’s almost as if the humans have found themselves on a planet of the…

You get the idea.

Time of the Apes may sound like a blatant Planet of the Apes rip-off but there are a few differences.  First off, instead of Charlton Heston, humanity is represented by Catherine and two children who, for reasons that are not exactly clear, thought it would be a good idea to ride out an earthquake in a cryogenic chamber.  (You science teacher right.  That’s exactly how you accidentally freeze yourself for several centuries.)  Secondly, the apes in Time of the Apes don’t ride horses or wear their leather outfits.  Instead, they were suits and police uniforms and they drive Buicks and station wagons.  Time of the Apes may take place far in the future but the ape way of life is still trapped in 1974.  Catherine and the two brats eventually meet another human named Godo (Tetsuya Ushio).  Unlike the nearly-naked future humans in Planet of the Apes, Godo wears a turtleneck.

To understand Time of the Apes, you have to understand that it was originally a 26-episode Japanese television series that aired in 1974, at the height of Planet of the Apes mania.  13 years later, America producer Sandy Frank got the rights to the series and decided to edit it down from 26 hours to 93 minutes so that he could release it as a movie.  As a result, Time of the Apes is a disjointed movie in which the action seems to frequently repeat itself but it’s never boring.  Between the apes and the sudden appearance of a flying saucer, there’s always something to watch.  It’s never really good either, though.  The ape makeup is terrible.  The dubbing is worse.  If you can watch the movie for five minutes without laughing at the ineptitude of it all, you’re a stronger movie watcher than me.

Time of the Apes is pretty much impossible to see unless you’re watching the Mystery Science Theater version.  The MST 3K gang liked the film so much that they actually did it twice, once during the show’s later disowned first season (when it was basically just a cable access program in Minnesota) and once more after the show started to air nationally.  It’s rightfully considered to be one of MST 3K’s best episodes and it’s probably the best possible way to watch Time of the Apes.  You need Joel and the Bots there to assure you that you did actually just see and hear what you think you saw and heard.  Sandy Frank was apparently not amused by the show’s lampooning of Time of the Apes but he really should lighten up.  MST 3K brought Time of the Apes to an entirely new and appreciative audience.

Film Review: Fistful of Vengeance (dir by Roel Reiné)


I just finished watching Fistful of Vengeance on Netflix.  The film has a running time of 95 minutes and I have to admit that I spent a good deal of the film in a state of confusion.  While some of that was undoubtedly due to my ADD, there are two other factors to consider:

First off, Fistful of Vengeance is based on a show called Wu Assassins.  (Wu Assassins is also available on Netflix.)  The movie takes place immediately after the end of the show’s first season.  At this point, I should go ahead and admit that I have never seen the show.  The movie does start with a quick recap of who everyone is and why they’re running around the world and fighting supernatural warriors and, from what I’ve read, the film itself is meant to be stand-alone work of entertainment.  That said, I’m sure it can be argued that my lack of knowledge of Wu Assassins effected my ability to actually follow the plot of Fistful of Vengeance.  If you’re a fan of the show, you should probably just watch the movie and ignore my review.

The second thing to consider about Fistful of Vengeance is that the plot really didn’t matter.  Yes, there’s a lot of people conspiring against each other.  Yes, there’s a lot of talk of talismans and spirits and monsters and ancient powers.  And, yes, there’s international cartels and magical warriors.  There’s a mystery to be solved, as Tommy (Lawrence Kao) and his friends try to track down the person or persons responsible for the death of Tommy’s sister.  New allies are found and a few surprisingly enthusiastic sex scenes are staged.  Enemies are fought and I assume that there’s a reason for it all.  However, when watching the film, it soon becomes obvious that all of that plot is just there as an excuse for the action and the glossy images.  Fistful of Vengeance is not plot-driven.  Instead, Fistful of Vengeance is driven by style.

And you know what?

There’s not a damn thing wrong with that.

Seriously, you don’t watch a film like this because you’re searching for the meaning of life or because you’re hoping for some form of greater enlightenment.  You watch a movie like Fistful of Vengeance because you want to see good-looking people wearing nice clothes and kicking ass.  One fight follows another and all you really need to know is that you want Kai Jin (played by action specialist Iko Uwais), Tommy, and their team to win.  You don’t really need to know who they’re fighting or why they’re fighting.  Instead, the appeal is watching the artistry of the kicks and the punches and the tossing of weapons.  Add in some monsters and some magical powers and a nice propulsive soundtrack and the movie pretty much has everything that an audience needs to be entertained.  It’s a big, glossy, colorful, and rather silly movie.  I had no idea what was going on for most of it but I still found myself watching.  It’s fun, it’s entertaining, and it really doesn’t demand much.  It’s not really a film that’s going to stick with you but watching it is also not terrible way to spend 95 minutes of your day.

Film Review: Swan Song (dir by Todd Stephens)


Once upon a time, Pat Pitsenbarger (Udo Kier) was one of the most important citizens of Sandusky, Ohio.  He was the town’s leading hairdresser.  He was the man who the wealthy trusted with their appearance.  When he wasn’t cutting hair, he performed drag as Ms. Pat and when he wasn’t cutting or performing, he built a nice home with his partner.  He often remembers the two of them working in the garden.

All of that is in the past, though.  Pat’s partner died years ago and Pat was reminded of his place in the community when some of his wealthiest clients didn’t even bother to come to the funeral.  Pat lost his business.  He lost his home.  He’s spent the past decade or so living in a nursing home.  Pat may be the best-groomed and best-spoken resident of the nursing home but he’s still definitely a man who is waiting for death.

One day, a lawyer shows up at the home and informs Pat that one of his most faithful clients, Rita Parker Sloan (played by Linda Evans), has died.  Rita had one last request.  She wanted Pat to do her hair and makeup for the funeral.  At first, Pat is hesitant.  His memories of Rita are not particularly pleasant.  But finally, he decides to do it.  He escapes from the nursing home and starts to walk to the funeral home.  To do Rita’s makeup, he’s going to need supplies, some of which haven’t even been existed since the 80s.  Unfortunately, he has no money and, as he soon discovers, his old home no longer exists either.  The world has changed.

As quickly becomes clear, there’s more to Pat’s journey than just wanting a final chance to do Rita’s hair.  As he walks through the town, he tries to reconnect with his past, just to discover that much of his past has been torn down.  His old beauty shop is under different management.  His old house has been torn down.  Few people seem to remember or recognize him.  One of the few people who does remember Pat is his former protégé, Dee Dee (Jennifer Coolidge), who now basically hates his guts.  Meanwhile, Rita waits in the funeral home, her hair and makeup a mess.

Released last year, Swan Song is an imperfect but ultimately touching movie.  The shadow of death hangs over almost every scene.  It’s not just that Pat is doing one last favor for the deceased Rita.  Nor is it just that Pat is haunted by memories of his dead partner.  (The scene where Pat visits his grave is one of the most effective in the movie, thanks to Kier’s heartfelt performance.)  It’s the fact that Pat himself knows that he’s getting older and he only has a certain amount of time left.  His walk across Sandusky is not just about traveling to the funeral home.  It’s also his final chance to see the world, remember the past, and experience how things have changed (or not changed as the case may be).  The journey is about Pat coming to terms with his anger, his sadness, and his past.  It’s also about Pat’s desire to go out the same way that he’s always lived, on his own terms.

As I said, it’s not a perfect film.  There are a few scenes that threaten to get a bit mawkish.  But even the most overwritten scenes are saved by the brilliant lead performance of Udo Kier, who gives a wonderfully complex performance as Pat.  Since the 70s, Kier has been a mainstay in European exploitation cinema.  He stared in Flesh For Frankenstein and Blood For Dracula.  He had key supporting roles in two Dario Argento films.  He appeared in art films, horror films, dramas, comedies, and thrillers.  He’s appeared in blockbusters and small indie films.  At times, it can seem like Kier is one of those actors who basically accepts anything that’s offered to him, regardless of whether the material is worthy of his talents or not.  Kier has appeared in good films and bad and, perhaps because he’s been such a ubiquitous cinematic presence, he’s often been unfairly taken for granted as an actor.  In Swan Song, Udo Kier gives one of his best performances as the sometimes brutally snarky but ultimately kind-hearted Pat Pitsenbarger.  If for no other reason, watch this movie to appreciate the often underrated talent of Udo Kier.  A lesser actor would have turned Pat into a cliché.  Udo Kier transforms Pat into a complex and rather heart-breaking character.

Swan Song is currently streaming on Hulu.