Charles King was born in 1907 in the back of an Indiana mortuary.  He was born long ago in the past and he lived in, what for him, was the present.  But his mind saw only the future.  Charles King would become better known as the Amazing Criswell.  Along with writing a daily column entitled “Criswell Speaks,” Criswell also appeared in such films as Plan 9 From Outer Space and Orgy of the Dead.  Though death came to this great man exactly 32 years ago today, his words and his vision live on.  According to Criswell himself, his predictions were proven to be correct 87% of the time, a little less than always but a lot more than often.

In 1968, Criswell published his first book, Criswell Predicts From Now To The Year 2000!  You can still find copies of it in used bookstores and occasionally, you will find someone selling it on Ebay or Amazon.  For those of us in the year 2015, it makes for an interesting read.  Here are a few of Criswell’s predictions from 1968:

Criswell predicted that, by 1980, we would be able to perform our own home facelifts for just $5.00 a pop.

On page 115 of Criswell Predicts, Criswell wrote, “I predict an outburst of cannibalism that will terrorize the population of one of the industrial cites in the state of Pennsylvania—Pittsburgh. Mass mournings will be held for the victims. A smile will be unknown. The fate of this city of Pittsburgh will never be forgotten… Date: November 28 to December 21, 1980.”

Criswell predicted that, on August 9th, 1970, Fidel Castro would be assassinated by a woman.

On page 57 of Criswell Predicts, Criswell wrote, “Las Vegas, Nevada, March 10, 1990: The very first Interplanetary Convention will be held in the new Convention Center on the famed Strip with colony citizens of Mars, Venus, Neptune and the Moon in full representation; Governor Sawyer will make the opening welcome address.”

Criswell predicted paste-on bikinis for girls and clamp-on bikinis for boys.

On page 79 of Criswell Predicts, Criswell wrote, “London, England, will be the target of this heartless killer from outer space. The meteor will strike in a heavily populated sector of London and will hit with unprecedented force, rocking the earth for hundreds of miles and slightly shifting the position of the earth. Shocks will be felt as far away as Paris, Lisbon, Denmark, Australia, India, China, South Africa, South America, and Washington, D.C. I predict that the once proud city of London will be a tomb of death. Entire slum areas will be completely wiped out. Date: October 18, 1988.”

Criswell predicted that nudism would become more popular in the United States and that, in 1971, the Supreme Court would legalize public nudity.

On page 107 of Criswell Predicts, Criswell wrote, “I predict that on February 11, 1981, there will be an abortive attempt by a foreign power to bomb the United States with atomic missiles. Most of the missiles will be destroyed by anti-missile missiles, but several will be only driven off course and will drop on the helpless state of Vermont. The death toll on that date will exceed 50,000 persons.”

(Lisa Marie asked me to note that this is her personal favorite of Criswell’s many predictions.)

Criswell predicted that the U.S. capital would be moved from Washington, D.C. to Wichita, Kansas.

On page 105 of Criswell Predicts, Criswell wrote, “I predict that South Dakota will become the first state to legalize prostitution and the sale of marijuana. I predict that a group of ruthless men will control the state government of South Dakota in the late 1970s and their open traffic in prostitution and drugs will cause repercussions throughout the country.”

Criswell predicted that the teeming metropolis of Denver, Colorado would be destroyed on June 9th, 1989 by a pressure from outer space that would cause all solids to turn into a jelly-like mass.

Let us take a few moments to pay respect for the dead of Denver.

And lastly, Criswell predicted that the last day of life on Earth would be August 18th, 1999, at which point a black rainbow would stretch across the sky and, through forces that we cannot begin to comprehend, suck away our precious oxygen.  Only 200 American and Russian space colonists will survive the final destruction of Earth.

As Criswell himself might say, “Can you prove it didn’t happen?”

Criswell, R.I.P.